 How does attachment theory affect sexual relationships? The original study by John Balby and Mary Ainsworth mainly focused on infant, but psychologists today believe it also influence adults and their relationships with their parents, friends, and romantic partners. In this video, we'll examine studies that revolve around the four attachment types and how each style of attachment may affect sexual relationships. Anxious. Have you ever been told that you're needy or possessive? These are, you may be anxiously attached to your partner. Anxious attachment types have a deep fear of abandonment by their partners which manifest through being demanding or clingy. This may even lead to strong jealousy when they feel their partners are emotionally unavailable. This pushes the anxiously attached to be overly compliant in order to try and please their partners. So how does their anxious tendency affect their sexual relationships? In a 2021 study, researcher Walter Odera-Ono and his team surveyed 367 secondary students in Nairobi where they were asked to fill out questions on their attachment styles and risky sexual behaviors. They found that those with anxious attachment styles were more likely than other styles to be involved in risky sexual behaviors. This aligns with the behavior of anxious styles and their desire to please their partners over their own wants, needs, or even safety. So if you feel that you tend to be anxious in a sexual relationship, having open communication about your anxiety can be very helpful. In addition, having clear boundaries and speaking up about them can be effective ways to protect yourself from being overly compliant in sexual relationships. And if your partner is anxious, it can always be helpful to gently remind them that you're not leaving them and that they don't have to go above and beyond to try and please you. Avoidant As the name suggests, people who are avoidantly attached tend to be, well, avoidant. This attachment style can develop an infancy when the primary caregivers are emotionally unavailable. Avoidant attachment styles tend to avoid confrontation and conflict and fear intimacy and relationships. This can lead to the avoidantly attached, away from forming healthy relationships if they continue to let their fears dictate their bond with others. So what does research say about their sexual relationships? A 2007 study of 273 French-Canadian couples between the ages of 18 and 35 showed that there was a positive correlation between avoidant attachment and avoidance of sexual encounters. This corresponds with avoidant attachment styles and their tendency to stay distant and detached from relationships. And as sexual relationships tend to be one of the most intimate forms of bonding, many avoidant types may try to detach themselves during sex or even avoid sex completely. So if you're in a relationship with someone who tends to be avoidant, it's important to let your partner feel that they aren't pressured into sexual relationships, while giving them enough space to feel independent and self-sufficient in their decision to pursue sexual intimacy. Fearful Also referred to as disorganized attachment, fearful attachment is often associated with an unpredictable or abusive childhood. They tend to have a hard time controlling their emotions and struggle with depression, anxiety, confusion, and fear. These can also manifest if they have a history of abuse, neglect, or trauma. And unsurprisingly, fearful attachment styles also struggle with sexual intimacy. A 2019 survey on 600 men and women between the ages of 25 to 45 published by the American Psychological Association suggested that fearful attachment style was predictive of more and frequent sexual partners and greater sexual compliance. And since fearful attachment styles may have a hard time regulating their emotions and their relationships, this can potentially result in self-sabotaging behaviors, such as having multiple sexual partners or engaging in risky sexual behaviors. So we advise that if you are in a relationship with someone who has a tendency to be a fearful attachment style, having clear communication on expectations and boundaries is key to a healthy sexual relationship. And as with any other attachment styles, it's important to be accepting and validating as people who have fearful attachments may need help in navigating through their emotions. Secure As the name suggests, secure attachment styles tend to feel secure and positive about themselves. They tend to be comfortable with intimacy and close friendships and romantic relationships. They're also able to communicate their needs and boundaries clearly because they're secure in who they are and how they see themselves. And because of their healthy mindsets about relationships, secure attachment styles also form healthy sexual relationships with others. According to the aforementioned 2021 study on risky sexual behaviors, secure attachment styles were much less likely to participate in risky sexual behaviors than other styles. The research alliance with secure attachments and their ability to communicate their boundaries and sexual needs. And because of their self-assurance, they're less likely to avoid intimacy, engage in self-sabotaging behaviors or be overly compliant during sex. As such, they are great models for other attachment styles and what we should strive to be in our relationships. While everyone has their own habits and preferences, it's important to remember that communication is vital in maintaining a healthy sexual relationship. And though each attachment style comes with its own difficulties, we can minimize the challenges by speaking openly and honestly about our sexuality without judgment. And if needed, speaking to a mental health professional can help us start taking charge of our sexual relationships and make sure that we don't feel pressured, abandoned, or judged for how we express our love. And most importantly, accepting that truly great sex happens when we understand and accept each other for exactly who we are without forcing our own desires upon each other. How about you? How does your attachment style affect your sexual relationship? If you feel comfortable sharing with us, leave it in the comment section. And remember, you matter.