 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of johnthasley.com and I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today. Our topic, how to make him obsessed about you for years. How to make him obsessed about you for years to come. All right, really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit that subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if anytime during this video, the content resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Really quickly, my coaching is what I call heart-centered radical honesty. It's direct, a little tough love and a lot of heart. And occasionally I use expletives to enhance the sentence. So if an F-bomb or two isn't your cup of tea, I suggest logging off right now. Lastly, these are my thoughts, my perceptions, my opinions, by no means do I suggest this is the truth. You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a bit of a contrarian, so my advice goes contrary to public opinion and traditional expectations. So all I ask is you give me a little bit of a chance. All right, let's talk about how to make a man obsessed with you for years. Now, really quickly, I'm gonna do a slightly different format because I've been getting complaints or I should say requests. And that is I'm gonna do the content of this first, then I'm gonna give you opinion on something that's been rattling in my head and then we're gonna go to the Q and A. So just a little heads up of how the format is gonna be today. So, you know, the title says obsessed and I'm not sure I love that word to be obsessed with someone because I feel like it creates an imbalance in the relationship when you're seeking more from another person than they seek from you. So let's just call this mutual obsession. Let's call it mutual attraction. Let's call it mutual connection instead of obsession. And yet I think this is an important conversation to have because what we're really talking about is how can we create a connection that really lasts potentially a lifetime? How can you have that kind of connection with another person that sense of real feeling of really wanting to be with this person for a very, very, very long time. And I know many of you who watch my channel are seeking a long-term permitted relationship and not a short-term relationship or a hookup relationship or something casual. So that's one of the reasons why when I created my channel is I'm not a big fan of the hookup culture. I'm not a big fan of casual dating. I'm more of a fan of being intentional in the dating process from an intentionality for a variety of different reasons but also from a long-term perspective of being in partnership with someone to be in partnership. And part of the reason I operate from that perspective if you look behind me, there's a picture of my mom and dad. This was taken when they were in their 20s. My mother and father were married just one month shy of 66 years before my mother passed away. And they actually knew each other 72 years. In fact, my mother met my father when she was 16, I think she was 15 and a half and my father was 18 and a half. Yeah, so no, there was a four-year difference. So 19 and a half, excuse me. So they knew each other 72 years. Now there was a period of time where they didn't see each other for a long time, but imagine that 72 years. And one of the things I noticed about my parents, especially towards the latter part of their marriage, if you will, before my mother passed away, is they literally were, they were literally best friends with each other. They were best friends with each other. They would sit in their Barker Lounge and watch the Lifetime movie channel where they watch Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune like a lot of senior citizens do. And what I most appreciated about them was their deep friendship. And I wanna share a story that's gonna illustrate what I'm about to point out. So there was this time, probably five or six years before my mother passed away. And I went to go visit my parents. They lived in a retirement community. And the TV wasn't working. And they said, well, the cable company is reinstalling cable or something. So they were out of cable for two weeks or for, excuse me, for one week. So I said, well, what have you and dad been doing? And they said, we've just been talking. I'm like, really talking? I'm like, okay, you know, kind of, it was just kind of cute to wait here or say that. We just, you know, we're just talking as friends. So the following week, I went to go visit her and the TV wasn't on, or visit my parents, I should say, and the TV wasn't on like it usually is. And as I said, they watched the Lifetime movie channel and the game show networks and stuff like that. And I said, why isn't the TV, or is the TV working? They go, yeah, it's working. I go, well, why aren't you watching TV? And my mom says, we're not done talking. And I knew what she meant because she was referring to our previous conversation some days earlier, we're not done talking. If you really want to be in a partnership with someone, then one of the fundamental pieces has to be a deep, rich friendship with one another, a deep, rich friendship with one another. Because that's what's gonna wanna, that's what's gonna wanna make two people be together for years. And I'll talk about how to create friendship in a moment because I think it's really important. But I think the other fundamental pieces to make, listen, I know the title is how to make a man obsessed with you, but what I really wanna say is how to make two human beings obsessed with each other, okay? My audience is women trying to understand men. If men were watching this, then I would have made this gender neutral. I say how to make yourselves obsessed with one another. And it starts with deep friendship. And yet these days, dating, I gotta tell you, I see so few women and men actually developing the deep friendship in the dating process because it's more hyper-focused on romance and chemistry and sex and not enough really genuinely getting to know each other. And I get it. It's much harder today because these days we're meeting total strangers. It's meeting total strangers. If you're not familiar with the book by Malcolm Gladwell, I highly recommend checking this out, talking to strangers. What we should know about the people we don't know. And in a world of Tinder swindlers, and I was just watching, what's it called, Bad Vegan on Netflix? Oh my God. Not to suggest that everybody is a scam artist, but what we don't know, the reality is is when we're meeting strangers and we know nothing about their backstory, it makes it more imperative to be discerning, to be discerning. And ladies, I see you frequently get sucked into the love bombing, you get sucked into the butterflies and everything that happens and you have sex way too soon only to have the guy disappear. It's so critically important to be discerning. By the way, if you need some help with that, check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. Because my whole coaching program is teaching you, discerning isn't being picky. And we're gonna talk about picky in a little bit, but discerning is not being picky. Discerning is saying, does this person, listen, most of you have watched my channel know my relationship iceberg, okay? Here it is. Most of you focus on the tip of the iceberg, which is chemistry, which is attraction. What's below the iceberg is shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. And as you start to check these boxes, you become more attracted to each other. And yet most of you humans are hyper focused on the chemistry piece and you're not even building the friendship piece that's gonna make two people actually last for years. The second piece is trust, trust. And by the way, this is such a critical piece to build trust with one another and trust is, by the way, this isn't singular to the man trusting you and you trusting the man, this is for the two of you. And this isn't about fidelity. Trust is, do I trust this person genuinely cares about my feelings? Do I trust this person has my best interest at hands? How many of you women are allowing the penis to go inside the vagina before there's ever been trust built, there's ever been a conversation about monogamy and exclusivity. I'm only speaking to those of you that want partnership. If you want hookup and you want casual, this isn't for you. It's okay, but for the men who want casual and hookups, I'm not judging them. I'm only speaking to those of you that want something more. So before that penis goes inside the vagina, you might wanna purchase the book Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman to see if you're on the same page with one another or talk to me because I gotta tell you, you so easily get sucked into the rhetoric and then you got whiplash going, where did that guy go? Because no trust has been built. And any of you that heard that, you know, love at first sight, let me ask you, for those that believe at love at first sight, let me ask you a question. This man that you have this love at first sight and he has love at first sight for you, you guys are so amazingly connected with one another. Oh my God, we're kindred spirits, we're twin flames. Is that man gonna be there for you if you're going through chemotherapy? Is he gonna be wiping the vomit from your chin as you rest there in bed having to suffer? Is this person that you just met a nanosecond ago that you allowed, that you had sex with together, is that person gonna be there for you for the long run? This is why I continually say in my videos, it takes about a hundred hours of face to face time just to get to the first layer of trust. The first layer of trust with someone. And I'm only yelling because ladies, listen, there's a fire in front of you and you keep wanting, oh, it's so pretty, it's so pretty. Let me touch this fire, it's so pretty. But do you wanna have 50 degree burns? No, that's why I recommend you reading all these books so you don't buy into the rhetoric. And this isn't about leaning back in your feminine energy and letting the guy claim you, that's not about that. By the way, isn't claiming what we do with property? And if you sit back in your eminent energy waiting for a guy to claim you, is this guy worth being claimed? And by the way, is this guy gonna be there in the long run? And by the way, is he gonna value you because you've been leaning back and you haven't leaned into the relationship? Number three, to be as confident, to be each other's confidence, that's really what the bottom line is, a confidant. Someone you can trust, someone you can talk to, that's what's gonna make someone wanna go year after year with you, not the short run. And lastly, I want you to write this down, it's the four A's, it's the four A's, okay? The four A's. Attention, affection, appreciation, and acceptance. Attention, affection, appreciation, and acceptance. Attention, affection, appreciation, and acceptance. That's the multivitamin that every relationship needs both parties being in that state of giving each other affection, to give each other presence or excuse me, attention, which is presence, affection, which is touch. Appreciation is gratitude and accepting a person for where they're at in their life. And when we can operate from that place, this person's gonna wanna spend a very, very long time with you if you've got that chemistry piece. I know this sounds rather simple and yet so few of you are actually being intentional in the process because you buy into the bullshit rhetoric of dating instead of a more spiritual way to date. I highly recommend checking out the book if the Buddha dated, if the Buddha dated. This is a deep dive into really understanding mating with each other without the bullshit gender rhetoric. How do we connect with each other's hearts? And that's my invitation for you. So if you want a man obsessed with you for years, first and foremost, you gotta be great friends with each other. Number two, there has to be genuine trust with one another. Number three, you have to be each other's confinat. And then you need the multivitamin of the four A's, attention, affection, appreciation, and acceptance. Is this sinking in? I hope so, I hope so. All right, we're gonna take a break for one second. So bear with me. Bum, bum, bum, I'm still talking. I forgot to do something. I realized that my internet wasn't connected properly and I was using wifi and it's better to use your ethernet when you're shooting a video. So you can have a much better connection. So thank you for allowing me to take a break for a second. All right, is this sinking in folks? Is this resonating with you? Please say yes, this makes sense, Jonathan. Yes, this resonates with me. Ah, so I wanna, before I begin the Q and A today, I wanna share something with you all. That is, I was having a conversation with someone today about our modern women over picky, our modern women picky. Our modern women are picky. And we were having an interesting debate and an interesting conversation about this because really for the first time, listen, let's say Neanderthals go back 200,000 years, 200,000 years and predominantly women were dependent upon men for basic survival, literally, you know, I mean, other than their fathers, if you will, but predominantly up until about 50 years ago, give or take, 50, 60 years ago. And women now are in a position where they don't need because survival today is the greenback. That's what survival is, is money. And since women are capable of supporting themselves, they don't need men from a financial position as much as they did before. Although folks, I'm a big believer is two incomes is better than one. Two incomes is better than one, okay? So with that said, I've observed that because women are in a position to actually make better choices for themselves. In other words, from a choice of discernment, a lot of women actually are becoming ridiculously picky. By the way, I'm gonna throw men under the bus in a moment too, so don't worry about that. But particularly in the area of wanting instant chemistry, instant chemistry right from the get-go. This instant attraction butterflies and that physical attraction so early on. And what this conversation, this is what we were debating with each other, me and this other gentleman who happens to be a dating coach for men. And what was interesting is there are, we kind of surmise that there are a lot of men and women that totally overvalue what they think they can actually attract, who they actually can attract in their life. Let me repeat that, this is true for men and women alike, they overvalue what they can actually attract. And what I mean by attract, let me rewind when we're talking about picky because I didn't really explain what was said in the conversation. There's a term these days that's being floated around called hypergamy, hypergamy. And this is where women are oftentimes choosing men of much require or desiring men of a much higher status than themselves, a much higher status of themselves. Now that's probably been true since cave man days, to some degree, the cave woman that was the most attractive could attract the strongest man to take care of the cave. So this isn't anything new, this desire to have the most status. So this is a very true thing. And men tend to choose women based on physicality and women tend to, not always, tend to choose men based on status. That's kind of maybe bred in through our cave man period. But now the conversation is are women too picky? Well, I think the real problem is men and women alike are overvaluing who they think they can attract into their life because these devices now have created a false sense of choice because we can swipe on bumble and swipe and think we have all these choices. And when you see so few people that you're actually attracted to, you see so few people you're attracted to, you see so few people attracted to, then it actually on an emotional level for men and women alike has probably desensitized them to actually meeting someone from a heart centered level to meet someone at that place of real compassion care. And are we seeking a man of kindness or does he all, by the way, I'll give you an example of this, the whole six foot tall, six foot and over, literally 14% of men are over six foot over and yet 75 to 80% women prefer men who are six feet and older, taller, excuse me, I said older, that's funny. So right off the bat, is that being too picky? Well, Jonathan, it makes me feel protected when I'm with a man taller than me. Well, you're five foot two, can't you be with a five foot nine guy, he's taller. But Jonathan, I need six foot so I can feel really protected. Well, Bruce, I'm spitting. Bruce Lee was all of five foot six, but back in the day, he could kick the shit out of 10 guys at once. I mean, by the way, I'm six foot two and I couldn't fight my way out of a paper bag. I have not had a fight ever since the playground days. If a mugger came up to me, we're both fucked. Okay, we're fucked. I can't protect you. And thank to God, it's never happened. Now, there are other ways to be protective of a person. I think one of the most sincere ways a man can protect a woman is to actually be a trustworthy man of integrity, who's vulnerable, authentic and transparent to me, that's the greatest way a man could be a protector to a woman. So do women overvalue themselves and do men overvalue themselves in the midlife market? Absolutely, this is why so few people are connecting today. And add to that, we are in a hookup culture, a casual sex hookup culture. So it's so easy for men to have sex these days because all men have to do is kind of promise that they want a relationship with you. If a man kind of promises he wants a relationship with you, he literally can have sex with you. That's the barrier to entry is I kind of say I want a really, or by the way, you could even, you could flat out say you want a relationship but ladies, tell me how many times have you had sex relatively early with a man only for him to pull on the phone or through text message? You know, I realize I'm not ready for a relationship. Well, where was that bullshit rhetoric when he was saying before? How he wants to be in a relationship and you're the most amazing woman on the planet. I've never been with any woman like you ever before and then boom, he's God. That's because you're not spending enough time building the deeper roots of trust in a relationship. You're not building that sense of real emotional intimacy. If you're not familiar with the book, Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters, I highly recommend checking this out because we are living in a fucking dysfunctional world and it's so has set up the hookup culture and the casual sex culture and you're all buying into it. And lastly, the other thought I was pondering when we were having this conversation centers around the difference between choosing and keeping a man because if you're too picky choosing and then you have chosen someone, the more important thing is how you're gonna keep someone and if you're not familiar with my emotional maturity relationship skills chart, this is for both men and women. This is not a fact an opinion. I believe roughly 20% of the population has clinical issues. And while I stayed here that 20% is emotionally healthy, I'm being ridiculously generous because the vast majority of humans are dysfunctional and that's why you're not keeping these relationships. This is why I continually, continually, continually recommend a couple books. First off is reading the book, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. By the way, there's a link below to Jonathan recommends books. I also recommend all of you watching is to do the Hoffman process to heal your childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas that cause you to be fucking dysfunctional. And lastly, most importantly, well, there's two more books. You should be reading my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway by Jonathan Asley, link below selflovethebook.com. This is a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work so you can work on your dysfunctionality. And last but not least, this is another book you should read before the penis ever goes inside the vagina is to read how to be an adult in relationships. Oh my God, so few of you are actual being adults. You're acting like little children and then you wonder why it's so fucking dysfunctional out there because this part about being picky is because by the way, I am all in favor of discernment or being particular. Listen, ladies, I am in your favor. I want you to be discerning. What I want to invite you to do is stop being picky on the ridiculous things. Did he pay for the valet? I mean, when I heard that a dating coach is saying, don't ever go out on a guy on the second date if he didn't pay the valet, that is being picky. And folks on the height thing, the average height of a man is five foot nine. Fucking accept that five foot nine and a half, okay? Accept that and be grateful. I know you all want the tall guy, but that's, you know, and that tall guy gets to choose whoever he wants. And there are a lot of other areas that you're picking. By the way, guys are no picnic either because casual sex and hookups has made it easy because you overvalue yourself with men and you undervalue the importance of actually building the friendship before the penis goes inside the vagina. Is this sinking in? If you agree with me, give me an amen. I'm sorry for my pit stains. So, just as a reminder, I think the dating, mating and relating process, it is ridiculously dysfunctional. What's more important is that you invest in your own self-worth, self-esteem, self-confidence, self-love because ultimately, when you're in that space of genuinely loving yourself, you actually operate from a place of compassion. And that's the energy I invite you all to be in that space of compassion for yourself and everyone else because if you really want to attract that juicy, delicious relationship I talk about, it's requiring throwing out all the list and narrow it down to three must-haves. My three must-haves, just to give an example, she's totally into me, she's totally into life and she's into spirituality. Everything else I can work around. So I invite you to come up with your three non-negotiables, your three must-haves instead of being overly picky. And I invite you guys to do the same for yourself. Are you in agreement with me? If you are, give me an amen. And give me a big gigantic shot at the bear hug too. All right, if I have your permission anyway. All right, this would be a great place to start our Q&A. All right, if you have a question for me, write the word question, post the question there after or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. All the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley, that's him right there. Salty, that's him right there. Isn't he cute in his, oh shoot, that Buzz Lightyear. What was the Tom Hanks's character? Woody. And he's my son who passed away a few years ago and in his honor, I started a scholarship fund to defray the cost of personal development and to donate to causes like the Hoffman process in Insight seminars. And I highly recommend going online, type in Hoffman process and insightseminars.org. This will change your life, I promise. All right, I see some questions already coming in, so write the word question, post the question there after. All right, let me take a drink. Suzanne Conley says, question. Jonathan, do you think if you meet someone and enjoy their company, but physical and chemistry is not present, would you suggest to pursue? Great question, so here's my feelings. So long as the man doesn't have a beer get the size of Texas or he's missing his front teeth, if you feel an emotional connection with the man, then go out on a second, third or fourth date. If you feel an intellectual connection with a man, go out on a second, third or fourth date. If you feel a creative connection with the man, that's what my friend, Alison Armstrong calls the Adam Sandler effect. In other words, Adam Sandler isn't one of the best looking guys on the planet, but he's incredibly charming and he's very funny as an example. So if you're feeling emotional, intellectual or what I call creative connection, then give the guy three chances or more. Here's the thing, I've interviewed hundreds of women who are in happy relationship, hundreds, hundreds, hundreds. And I will tell you that nearly a third of them, a third of them, one third, have said to me, and I quote, I wasn't physically attracted to my guy on the first, second or third date. And then something changed. It's, but I'm not, again, I'm not suggesting going out with someone who has a beer gut the size of Texas or is missing his teeth or whatnot, but you know what? I do recommend, because listen folks, you can overvalue your ability to get people and you could be single for a very long time, okay? Or if you have a good person right in front of you, you may want to invest in getting to know his heart. Now I'm gonna tell you a little story. When I did the Hoffman process in 2017, there were 40 people at the event, or excuse me, 39, 20 women, 20 men and 19 women, 20 men and 19 women. This isn't designed that way, that's how many signed up. Now when you get there, you're not supposed to tell people what you do for a living. So, but you interact with people a little bit and there was this guy, he looked like the Marlboro man. I mean, rugged, tough, good-looking, chiseled face, but actually he had tattoos up and down his arms and actually he looked more like an MMA fighter, I should say, not the Marlboro man, okay? So, but I was interacting with women and on the second to last day, we got a chance to get up on stage and tell people what we did for a living. And when I told everyone I was a dating or relationship coach, I mean like it was so funny, the women goes, that makes sense the way you were talking. And when this guy, this MMA fighter type guy, good-looking guy, I mean really good-looking, tattoos and everything, when he got up, he was a professor of microbiology at Stanford. I mean, I thought this guy was a Neanderthal and he was brilliant, okay? Now, why am I sharing the story? Because later that evening when I was at the Jacuzzi and all the women were surrounding me, all the guys were pissed because all the women wanted to talk to me. One of the gals, actually the gal who gave me this bracelet that says Connor on it, Connor rests in peace. She said, Jonathan, when I first got here, I scanned the room and I saw the 20 men and I was attracted to two of them. There was you and the guy I called the Marlboro, the MMA fighter. She goes, I was most physically attracted to two of you. She said, now that I got a chance to speak to every man here and connect with them at a heart-centered level, she said, I would date every man here. Now, some of the men were married and some men were younger. But what I appreciate about that story was she went beyond the physicality and went to the more important qualities, kindness, character, compassion, authenticity, vulnerability, transparency. That's what mattered to her. And she said, this experience changed my life to be able to look at men. She said, I quote, to look at men from their heart and not their outside. Remember my relationship, iceberg. We tend to focus on the chemistry piece, but what's more important is shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. This is why ladies, I continually recommend this book over and over and over and over and over again. If the Buddha dated because it throws out the bullshit gender rhetoric and says, how can we connect with two people at a heart-centered level? Oh, by the way, I just realized I forgot to mention earlier in the broadcast how to build friendship. But I wanna end, I'm gonna answer that in a second. But I hope I answered your question because here's the bottom line. What matters most in a guy? His looks or is that question? Or his heart? That's my invitation for you. His looks or his heart? Susan, thank you so much for your question. All right, really quickly, when I said how to build the friendship, I wanna remind everybody what I talk about frequently. And that is social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends. That is how you're gonna build friendship. But Jonathan, I'm in a long distance relationship. Yeah, guess what? And I know this sounds like I'm repetitive. It's because repetition is going to change you. And that is long distance relationships are all on the telephone. And it is incredibly difficult to bond on the telephone. You can become friends with people on the telephone, but you can't bond on the telephone. We need physicality to actually bond with someone. So understand this. But Jonathan, I'm supposed to let the man lead. Men are terrible at the leading process. So you initiate them. So what? Let's go for a hike. Let's go, by the way, my ex, one of my dearest friends was in a relationship with someone. And all she did was schedule hikes for them. She was the entertainment, what's the word? She was their entertainment concierge. She planned everything right from the very first date. So stop this whole narrative. It's got to be the guy, it's got to be the guy. Because all your female dating coaches say, the guy has to lead, the guy has to lead, the guy has to lead. Men are terrible at the process. So you simply say, hey, let's go for a hike today. Let's go for a walk today. Let's go to the park today. That's how you get to know someone. And by the way, you avoid allowing the penis in the vagina when you do shit like that because you're not using alcohol, or they're not using alcohol to get you in the mood. Is this sinking in, ladies? You are in charge of your destiny, not the guy. Okay, I go off on my tangents. Let's go swimming. Let's go swimming. Let's go swimming. Let's go swimming. I saw something from a, hold on. Let's go swimming. Oh, Lisa, how? Jonathan, or excuse me, question. Is it a red flag if he wants to know if you're renting or owning, also wanting to know about the area you live in? Okay, where I live in. I live in an area called Redondo Beach, California, just south of Los Angeles. By the way, a man asking if you're owning or renting, I think coming back to, I think there's probably, okay, I was thinking about divorced men that might have lost their assets. I could see where it could be intimidating to be with a woman who owns her home versus renting. I think that's one thing that could come up. I also think if you are financially dependent, that might be another thing that might come up. So there is this belief that people own their home are a little bit more stable than renters, but those are all just constructs. They don't mean anything. I mean, they don't mean a lot in the long, well, they could mean a lot. So let me backtrack on that. Those are just my rough thoughts of why that might be asked. I could be missing five or six things, but I'm on the spot here and when I rip, I just channel whatever comes to me and then I spit it out. So that's my rough thoughts on that, Lisa. So thank you so much for your question. All right. I wanna thank 10. Oh, let's fall, 10, just purchase a super sticker. Thank you for the $20 super sticker super chat. She says, looks are fleeting, heart is forever, so much to learn from each other and share. Amen. Amen to that. Thank you for the super sticker to the Conor Asley. By the way, I've got a cup cup here that says salty vibes. Anyone who knows my son's Conor's nickname is salty. So I get so many sweet gifts from you all. Thank you so much for the gift I shared last week, but anything salty, I love. Salty crew, all that stuff. So thank you. By the way, I'm a large in clothing. Someone sent me a beautiful sweater, but it was extra large. I'm a large. 42 inch chest, 35 inch waist. All right, let's keep swimming. Let's keep swimming. Tracy, right. Question, what is the best way to get a guy to open up after a massive amount of adult trauma, including after being combat veteran for multiple years? How do you crack that nut? Therapy, anyone who has PTSD, I highly recommend they go to therapy, they do the Hoffman process. It's not your job to crack the nut because here's the thing. A relationship is not about being each other's therapist. It's okay to be each other's confidant, but you don't want him to, you don't want to be a therapist. That creates a dynamic that will most likely implode later on down the road. What you want, what he most likely would benefit from, the Hoffman process, the Hoffman process. I recommend someone who's a professional at PTSD is certainly a therapist that's a professional. And I also recommend doing more than once a week therapy. I recommend therapy three times a week. For people that have deep trauma, I recommend therapy three times a week. But Jonathan, they can't afford it. Guess what, folks? The price you pay of not healing pays dearly in the area of miserableness, unhappiness. And sadly, many people commit suicide and other things when they've had deep trauma. I recommend therapy three times a week. And if you can't find the resources, then scale back your life and invest in yourself. The most important thing you can ever invest in in your life is yourself. And I'm not talking about manicures, pedicures and massages. I know that self care, but emotional self care is so far more important. And yet here in the United States, we are suckling on the nipple of consumerism. Look at what makes money. Instagram, selling products on Instagram. We don't need more products in our lives. What we need is more of a life. And the way to get your life is through self love. This is why I wrote my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? A Journey of Personal Development, Self Help and Spiritual Work. We don't need the Kardashians. We don't need all the garbage out there. That is sucking the life out of people. Social media is sucking life out of the people. I actually appreciate YouTube because this is a platform for people like myself to get a message out. This is my own TV show for you to get a message out of encouraging you to work on yourself. This isn't about having a guy obsessed with you. This is about you being obsessed with your own life. Thank you for your question. I appreciate it. Heather, dear Heather, would a guy do the same in a group of women? They would scan the same, but then would they have changed their heart after listening to them? So the answer is yes and no. And let me explain why. By the way, sometimes the most attractive women could be the greatest nightmare on the planet. And I've been there, so I know from personal experience saying this. The problem is men need physical attraction to get the equipment up. We needed to get our heart on. So ultimately a man has to be physically attracted to the woman he's with. And so she could have the most amazing heart on the planet. He still has to get a heart on to go with his heart on. So it does require, and by the way, we are a ridiculously dysfunctional culture here in the United States. We have the highest, excuse me, not the highest, but we have an incredibly high obese rate for men and women. And physical attractiveness is important. I'm not, listen folks, I'm not here to diminish anyone's body, but I'm saying to be a healthy person, to be in relationship, it really makes sense to invest in healthier eating and physical exercise. I know some people struggle with that, but ultimately at the day, by the way, at the end of the day, a healthy life usually requires healthy eating and physical exercise to maintain physical, not to maintain physical attractiveness, to maintain, I was gonna say that, but to maintain a healthy life. And yes, when people do more of that, they are more attractive to people. So coming back to your question, you know, the average man, he's just looking for someone he's attracted to. I mean, as much as he may want a supermodel, the average guy knows he's not gonna get the supermodel. The guys that get those women are the Tom Brady's of the world, but fuck, I'd fuck Tom Brady, he's so damn good looking and he's got every characteristic every woman wants, but he's the exception, he's not the rule. By the way, please don't blast that I just said that, I was just being silly. Or Brad Pitt or George Clooney or whoever you're, you know, the Ryan Goslings of the world. You know, we all fantasize about having that person, but you know what matters more? Am I with a person who's kind? Am I with a person who has integrity? Am I with a person that can be vulnerable, authentic and transparent with me? Am I with a person that is my confidant? Am I with a person I trust and they trust me? That matters way more than looks because as the previous message said, looks are fleeting. And look at my mom. Okay, there's picture mom and dad. She was dropped dead gorgeous in her day. And by the time she had me or my brother, I should say she weighed 300 pounds, five foot five and 300 pounds. And I asked my dad, did you ever cheat on mom? You know what he said to me because they had that deep friendship, they had that deep trust, they had that confidence. They had the four A's in a relationship. And you know what he said? He goes, I look at your mom like the first day I met her. And that's the eyes he sees her with the eyes that he first met her. We all, you know, and so I'm just here to say, and by the way, she was 300 pounds. By the way, when she passed away, she was 180. But yeah, I think it's more important. I think for guys, we need the equipment up. I think that's, anyway, that's just my rough thoughts. Let me just, you know, noodle on that for a little bit. Heather, thank you so much for that question. I appreciate it. Ah, SF says, question. He's moved his father into his home who has Alzheimer's. It's been over a year now. We've been seeing for a year before that. It's taken its toll on us. How long should I wait? I don't understand the question of waiting. What are you waiting for? Are you waiting to be committed? Do you guys have sex together? I mean, tell me about your relationship. How often do you see each other? Do you see each other three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, or is he basically a caretaker? And what are you waiting for? Are you waiting for marriage? Are you waiting for some commitment? Because the only way that's ever gonna happen, ladies, is to use your mouth. Talk, talk, talk. I am so flabbergasted at how few of you actually talked to the men you're with. But Jonathan, the man's supposed to lead. No, you're supposed to express yourself to a man. If this guy is genuinely your friend, then talk to him. If he says I can't do it, then you make a choice after that. But you've gotta start opening your fucking mouths and start talking. Chapter one in my book, speak your truth. Just do it kindly. And chapter nine, if it's sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. This isn't about waiting. This is about talking to one another. Purchase the book I hear you. The surprising, okay. The surprisingly simple skills behind extraordinary relationships. Have conversations. Why the fuck are you two, okay, ladies, let me just say something. You've been with this man two years. Why are you two together? What's the purpose? What's the purpose of the two of you being together? Why are you together? Do you know it used to be 100 years ago, the dating process, the courting process lasted three weeks. You saw each other, you wanted to have sex and you got married. That's about how fast it happened, relatively fast, okay. We've never experienced this kind of dating before in the last 50 to 100 years. So the problem is, is you're not having grown up conversations with each other. You're not talking, most likely, I'm speculating here. So start communicating. You ladies always talk about the importance of communicating and yet you're terrible at communicating. You're great at vomiting your feelings but you're not good at communicating. You don't know how to communicate. You got to learn how to communicate in an authentic, vulnerable, transparent way. I get so riled up. I get riled up because you guys complain about communication and yet you don't communicate. There's two books I want you to read. How to build trust in a relationship and couples, communication guide. These are thin books. Look at them. Start taking charge of your life. Stop leaving it up to men. I'm just gonna rant today. By the way, is this sinking in? Is this resonating or am I just pissing you all off? Let me know. I crack myself up sometimes. Let me know in the comments. Kit Kat says, I love it when Jonathan swears and says it how it is. LOL. Thanks, Kitty Kat. Susan Conley says, at least you're honest and make me laugh. I'm not, listen. You know why? You know why I use humor? Because humans are ridiculously absurd to me. I mean, you folks, you human beings crack me up. By the way, when you do mushrooms, you really crack up over. But you humans are ridiculously dysfunctional. Myself included. Human beings are so dysfunctional and it cracks me up. And I say this with humor, it's sadness too. But I say with humor because this whole point, listen, after Connor passed away, I decided to look at life completely differently. It really is a journey. All the nooks and crannies, all the ups and downs, all the dysfunctionality, it's a game to me anyway. I say a game, a game in the sense of I have a choice. I can do it with suffering or I can do it with love. I choose not to suffer in this world. I choose to look at finding the joy as much as I can. And one of the things that stifles joy is stuffing oneself, stuffing your emotions, stuffing your feelings, acting immature, acting picky, all the things we talked about. I'm here to encourage all of you to do personal development work, self-help and spiritual work because this isn't about finding a man for happiness. So many of you are suckling on the nipple of I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. Start feeling good about yourself by loving yourself. I love you, I'm sorry. Please forgive me, thank you. I love you, I'm sorry. Please forgive me, thank you. I love you, I'm sorry. Please forgive me, thank you. The Hawaiian forgiveness prayer, also known as the hoponopono, it is an injection of love. And I invite you all to lean into loving yourself because it's not about finding the guy or he's obsessed with you for years. I want you to be obsessed with yourself in the healthy way for your lifetime. And that's what my channel is all about. And my hope is this resonates with you. So please give me a thumbs up if it does and please share this video with friends. Thank you. All right, our last question of the day with $9.99 Super Sticker, thank you so much. Silly question. What does let me know if you need anything? Wait, what does let me know if you need anything at all? From a man I barely know and who's married, but oh boy, we locked eyes. You know what? It sounds like that there's a physical attraction towards one another, maybe a little limberence, maybe a little lust, and that's an invitation to the door is open and then you connect and the door is open and you connect. And then you start having what's known as emotional sex and you're connecting on an emotional level because he's probably unhappy in his marriage. So the two of you are connecting on an emotional level and that emotional connection, emotional sex will lead into physical sex whereas penis gets to go inside your vagina at certain times, but he's married and he's going to profess that he's unhappily married. So you're gonna have sympathy for him, you're gonna have compassion for him and you'll get deeper and deeper and treacherous with a man because he'll be emotional, he'll be vulnerable, he'll be authentic, he'll be transparent with you and then you'll go deep into him and then he'll say to you but I'm not gonna divorce my wife. I have to be there for her. Ladies, do you wanna be with a married man? I hope not. So what does it mean? I'll be there for you. It means I'm opening the door so we can begin emotional sex then eventually leads into my penis gets to go inside your vagina. That's what it means. Anyway, all right, there's the exception. There's probably, maybe he's a fireman and he wants to rescue your cat. Okay, there's maybe that, but trust me, 99 out of 100 times, that's what it means. All right, purchase the Super Sticker Super Chat before we wrap up today. Has this been a value to you? Listen, if I've been a value to me right in the comments, Jonathan, you are making a difference in my life. I wanna hear this. I was having a bad day so please tell me this is making a difference. I had some troll say some shit to me. That's why I was having a bad day. The brown bunny baker says, Jonathan, your channel is so refreshing. You're more entertaining to Brad Pitt, George Clooney. Also, your book was excellent. Please write a review, Brown. Thank you so much, I appreciate it. Maria says, I love your, thank you. Maria also says, I love your advices. Thank you so much, I appreciate it. Mary Tell, Mimi says, amen. Thank you so much. Oh, Heather, thank you so much for the $5 Super Sticker. You are wonderful. That goes to the Connor Asley Scholarship Fund. Thank you so much. Paula says, never mess with a taken man. I agree. Ying Tong Song, sorry, I don't know how to pronounce your name. Your YouTube episodes make a difference in my life. Thank you so much. Kit Kat says, you always make a difference. Please never leave your YouTube. My name is Maria as well. Thank you, Maria. Robin says, you're a beauty. We love you. You helped so much. Thank you everyone. I needed that little TLC right now. Ah, all right. How to make a guy obsessed with you. Deep friendship, trust, being each other's confidant. And then the four As, the multivitamin every relationship need is attention, affection, appreciation and acceptance. Use that. And ladies, you are in charge of your relationship, Destiny. You do not need to sit back in your feminine energy. You need to lean into your empowerment because you are in charge of your destiny, not the guy. All right. Everyone, from the bottom of my heart, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First, I'll give myself a big gigantic shot at the merit of self-love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm asking you to turn to someone, Pat, a teddy bear pillow, and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Tracy, thank you for the $9,000 super stiffer. What a Friday gift to Connor. Julia, thank you for the $2 super sticker to Connor. Oh my gosh, I'm loving it all. Oh, Connor, yes. We got lots of money to donate this month. I'm so excited. By the way, I do donate, I do give to, I was just speaking to a client, I'm donating to the Hoffman. By the way, if any of you do decide to go the Hoffman process, come to me. I will donate one night of your lodging at the Hoffman process as my gift to you. Any of you do the Hoffman process. I don't mean the book, I'm talking about the actual workshop. I will cover some of your cost as my gift to you. Lynn, I wanna thank you for the $5 super sticker. Thank you so much. Oh my gosh, what a roll we're on tonight. Let's keep the money going in. We've got like a marathon or a telephone going. There's a little super sticker, super chat at the end of the live chat box where there's a little dollar sign. That's where you can purchase this super sticker, super chat. Crystal, I wanna wish you a fabulous weekend. Susan, I wanna wish you a fabulous weekend. Grace, I wanna wish you a fabulous weekend. Suzanne, Lynn, Reina, Tracy, Kitty Cat, I mean Maria. Maria as well, Tracy, Grace, Monica, Mermaid Tails, the brown bunny, Baker, Danielle, Elena, Diana. I love the name Diana. Of course, Diana, Prince is where I fell in love with that name. Oh, every one of you. I love all your names, by the way. So I just had to say it out loud. Wishing you a super-duper, wonderful weekend. Be well and love yourself. All right, bye-bye now, bye-bye. Don't let the trolls get you down. Thank you, Suzanne, I appreciate it.