 James Carroll is a transhumanist, Unitarian, Universalist, Buddhist, Possibilian, and a Bayesian Utilitarian. I am the very model of a, no, just kidding. He has a Ph.D. in Computer Science and a minor in Ancient Near Eastern History. As a graduate student, he taught Pearl of Great Price, Isaiah, and the Book of Mormon in the BYU Ancient Scripture Department. He is currently a scientist at the Los Alamos National Laboratory doing ensemble machine learning research and computer-assisted radiographic image analysis for nuclear stockpile stewardship. His interests include artificial intelligence, machine learning, statistics, linguistics, consciousness, comparative ritual, RC model planes, and photography. Glad to have him. Thanks. Excuse me. Traditionally, religion was the vehicle that provided both a sense of truth and a sense of meaning for mankind. Hugh W. Nibley, the brilliant Mormon apologist, liked to talk about what he called the terrible questions, namely, who am I? Why am I here? Where am I going? He proposed that without answers to these questions, life was essentially barren and meaningless. The brilliance of Mormonism, he said, was in providing answers to these very questions, answers that could be obtained in no other way. Joseph Campbell famously thought that the myths of religion provided the vehicles whereby the psychological principles of how to live a good life could be conveyed. And he thought that this could best be done when the myths are no longer viewed as historical or literal realities but are seen more like dreams with symbolic and psychological import. However, the literal interpretation of these myths can also be a powerful vehicle for finding a sense of truth and meaning in life. For example, the belief in a literal creator can cause us to believe that the world was created for a purpose, and thus we find the meaning of life. Belief in a literal life after death and an eventual resurrection can also give people a sense of meaning and value by convincing us that this life with its failures and imperfections is not all that there is. The LDS Church is very good at this. A literal and fundamentalist belief in the LDS Church's teachings seems to provide a set of answers to Nibley's terrible questions. Who am I? A child of God or a divinity. Why am I here to get a body to be tried and tested to see if I'm worthy of becoming like our heavenly Father? Where am I going into eternal life, of eternal progression to live with our heterosexual cisgendered patriarchal families forever, and to grow to become a God like our God, our Father, and then give the same opportunity for eternal progression to our own children forever. One psychological research has taught us just how important this sense of meaning and purpose really is for living a happy and a well adjusted life. Without it people tend to suffer from lethargy, depression, disconnection, and sometimes suicide. All indications are that we are living through a time when many members of the LDS Church are beginning to question the literal narrative that they have been told. What happens to people who have based their sense of value, meaning, and purpose on a myth that they now begin to doubt? These results can be devastating. From my own faith transition I reached out to a wide community of ex-Mormons, hoping for help and solace. What I saw in their lives demonstrated just how devastating the loss of fundamentalist religion could be. It seems that the more immersive and essential was the initial religious experience, the more severe and negative reaction can be when it is lost. While some few people came out the other side with their faith transition in a much better and happier state, almost all of them at first found themselves crushed by anger, depression, and even despair. Their lives suddenly became harsh and even absurd. Nearly all of them faced a crisis that they called existential angst. My goal today isn't to tell people what they have to believe about Mormonism's truth, but to try and help people establish a sense of purpose and meaning that can survive a faith transition if one should come, or to re-establish a healthy sense of purpose and meaning after one has occurred. If you've already had one, hopefully, if you've already had one, hopefully what I say will be relevant whether or not you believe in the literal truth of the religious church's teachings. As someone interested in artificial intelligence, I hope I've spent a certain amount of time contemplating how to mathematically formalize concepts that are kind of obscure like truth, meaning, purpose in order to import those concepts into an AI. I've found that such formalizations have enriched my own sense of truth and meaning, too. Given this audience's focus on transhumanism, therefore I hope it won't be too technical if I share some of my thoughts from that sort of mathematical AI perspective. So, let me start with a formalization of the concept of truth. You can think of the entire universe as a large state space representing the quantum information that fully describes each particle in the universe. And then there's a transition function that dictates how these particles will evolve into the future and have evolved into the present. You can think of the state space as the arrangement of matter in the universe and you can think of the transition function as the laws of physics that dictate how the arrangement will evolve. If we treat the state space and the transition function as unobserved random variables, then we can see use the laws of probability statistics, which we sometimes call science, to try and learn how things were in the past, history, how they are now, reality, and how they will be in the future, prediction. That means that truth is indeed a knowledge of things as they really are, as they really were, and as they really will be, as Joseph said. And it means that a scientific method is probably the best tool for determining truth. So, while the quest for truth may be extremely difficult, it seems to me that this element of the existential problem is comparatively simple. But what of meaning and purpose? You'll notice that in these above equations, and the real reason I put them up there for you, is that there is no place there for purpose or meaning. There's also no way to prefer one state over another. For with this formalization alone, a state where mankind flourishes is just as good as a state where mankind is exterminated. Neither any more preference preferable than the other. They just are. Meaning and value are non-existent. The philosopher David Hume noticed this problem a long time ago. He expressed it as follows, you cannot determine ought from is. My equations determine is. They don't tell you anything about ought. In order to find meaning in life, in order to determine ought from is, what we need is some other assumption, some other axiom that we can add to this, beyond what we would define as simple truth. One possibility for this axiom is to turn to God. And to appropriate his purpose and desires as our own. Ought exists outside of what is in this way because ought involves God's sovereign will. God created the world for a purpose. Therefore, his purpose of life is our purpose of life or should be, since we live in a created world. But if this is our source of meaning, then what happens if we begin to doubt, perhaps even to doubt the existence of a creator? Whether or not you believe in God, it's worth considering whether there really is any less potential for truth and meaning without or with the belief in God. Again, I want to turn to analogy from my work in artificial intelligence. As part of my master's thesis in reinforcement learning on artificial intelligence, I created an artificial world. This simple grid world, and I placed an artificially intelligent agent inside that world, which my wife affectionately called my dot. I had a purpose in this creation. I wanted to study which algorithms for transferring information from one type of problem to another would function best. From my dot's perspective, there was a God, me. One who had created the world for a purpose. This is the simulation hypothesis, and it's the creation principle from Lincoln's New God argument in action. But does the existence of a creator solve the ought from is problem for my dot? The answer is surprisingly no. My goals differed from those of my dot, whose purpose was to maximize his own reward structure. And consider, if there wasn't already a way for me to have purpose, then I couldn't transfer that purpose and meaning to my dot. I'm trying to find a way to find purpose. Because I was created, my dot's trying to find a way to find purpose. Because he was created by someone who himself doesn't have purpose. It doesn't work. If there is a creator, then it may be wise for us to align our sense of meaning and purpose with that of the creators. However, for that meaning to transfer, there has to be a way for meaning to already exist within the mind of a conscious creature, the creator. Therefore, the existence of a creator does not produce meaning and purpose for created things in and of itself and it never did. Something else is needed. Apologize for disagreeing with the talk in front of me. But what? Some derive a sense of meaning and purpose from their belief in life after death and eternal life. When I was a believer, my mother, I gave the funeral sermons for both my mother and my maternal grandmother. Back then I said that without eternal life, seeking pleasure in this life is ultimately meaningless because the memories of our temporary pleasures will fade, our joys will end at death. I said even helping other people can't provide meaning without a belief in eternal life because those others will die too and eventually all of our influence will fade away into nothingness and all will be meaningless and purposeless at bleak thought indeed. Without eternal life, I argued life was utterly meaningless. So somewhat ironically, I had already begun to lose some of my faith when I spoke those words at my mother's funeral. It's easy to imagine the depth of sadness and heartache caused by this simultaneous loss of life, love and faith. But was it true? Simple reflection indicates the error in what I said then. If our lives are not already of value, in a very similar way to what we saw with the creation hypothesis, then tacking an eternal onto them does not create meaning out of nothing. It only creates an eternity of meaninglessness. Nor marriage is not of value if they aren't eternal. A bad eternal marriage is hell. A good temporary relationship is bliss even if it eventually ends and lasts no more than a few moments. Love is of value in the moment even if that love does not last for more than a moment. Yet again we find something else beyond eternal is needed to create value and purpose in life and it always was. While fundamentalist religions seem to provide the missing ingredient needed to produce meaning, in reality it simply pushed the ultimate need for something else down a meta level. So near the end of a modern myth, Marvel's Avengers, the Age of Ultron, Vision and Ultron briefly debate existential philosophy before predictably trying to kill each other. Their interaction illustrates some of what I've been saying, so let me quote it. You were afraid of you, of death, you're the last one. You were supposed to be the last. Stark asked for a savior and settled for a slave. I suppose we are both disappointments. I suppose we are. Humans are odd, they think order and chaos are somehow opposite and try to control what won't be. But there is grace in their failings, I think you missed that. They are doomed. Yes, but a thing isn't beautiful because it lasts. It is a privilege to be among them. You are unbearably naive. Well, I was born yesterday. So, notice, Vision speaks to the fear of death, Vision speaks to the fear of death. Also notice the very subtle reference to purpose in life from creation. Vision and Ultron were both created to be saviors. His vision really a slave because he chose to serve that purpose. Or is there value and meaning in his choice to fill the purpose for which he was created? Vision says he finds meaning and purpose not through what is or what won't be, but through more subtle characteristics such as grace, beauty, privilege, and it is through these things that he chooses to enact the purpose for which he was created. Notice also his explicit rejection of the philosophy that meaning and value come from permanence. A thing is not beautiful because it lasts. A thing is beautiful simply because we find it so. My mother's life and my relationship with her was beautiful regardless of whether it will continue into a life after death. I believe that the transhumanist quest for life extension is of value, but it is only of value because life itself in this very moment right now is already of supreme value. So-called Mormon plan of happiness is only of value because we already desire happiness. Eternal life, the resurrection becoming like God, living together forever with our families are all things that provide meaning for Mormons because those things are the things that we as humans desire to make us happy. As the Book of Mormon itself says, men are that they might have joy. It is my belief that this is the actual axiom under which Mormons and the Mormon plan of happiness determines ought from his and thereby establishes a sense of purpose and meaning in life. Today I wanna argue that if this desire for joy could provide meaning before a faith transition as it did for so many of us, then it can also provide it after. That means there is no less potential for meaningful life now than there was before. What is needed is something else to add to this equation on the board. Something more than what is, something from outside, I'm sorry, from the outside of our minds, all states are equal, but from the inside of our subjective experience of as conscious creatures, all states are not equal. Our own desires provide a value function, a utility function, if you will, as part of my introduction, right, that I'm a utility function that puts ought out of the sea of that which is, which pulls an ought, sorry, out of the sea of that which is, I believe that if we are to find an ultimate source for meaning, it will be found somewhere within our various subjective experiences. Subjective experiences and human desires provide the solution to Hume's dilemma, but because we may all have slightly different subjective experiences, we may come to slightly different mechanisms for establishing meaning and purpose in our lives. Ultimately, that means that I can't tell you exactly how you should find meaning in your life. However, as Richard Feynman once said, I would rather have questions that cannot be answered than answers that cannot be questioned. As I've said before, I no longer know for certain if there is a God. I've spoken here before about the transhumanist reasons why I think that there probably is. Some of very similar arguments, by the way, to our last talk. However, I no longer find meaning in my life to be directly connected to that belief. Meaning is something that I derive from living my life in a way that leads to humanity's internal desires and preferences. While I can't claim to have the final answer to the meaning of life, I can share with you a few of the things that I have found to provide meaning in my own life. For example, take a moment to really feel the weight of your own body on your chair. Listen to the sounds that surround us. Truly see the colors in the windows behind me. The miracle of consciousness is perhaps the least understood aspect of reality, and it is a miracle. I believe that there is some value and beauty in the very moment, despite and perhaps because of its intrinsic impermanence. As human beings, we share some common preferences. For example, we all desire things like safety, security, pleasure, love, relationships, connection, compassion, joy, ecological sustainability, social justice. Many of us will find meaning and value in striving to build a world that better matches those preferences. We can find that meaning in the struggles, despite the imperfection and even pain that we encounter in the world around us. It comes from the struggle to make the world better and to compassionately remove as much of the pain and suffering of others as we can. Far from despair, noticing these failings in the world can light us with a burning fire of purpose and motivation and conviction. Finally, I am a finite being, but in forging deep and abiding relationships with the difference of the other, I feel like I touch the divine. Connecting myself with something larger and more beautiful than myself, loving others is thus the greatest of the sources of meaning that exist in my life. The Buddha is said to have taught that if there is a life after death, then we can most likely attain a good resurrection and rebirth by living a good and compassionate life here and now. However, if there is no life after death, then by living a good and compassionate life here and now, we gain the advantages and joys that come from a life well lived. There is peace, purpose, meaning, and yes, even joy to be found even after the loss of faith in what used to be believed in fundamentalist religious teachings. I sincerely hope that I can play some role in helping each of us to find it. Thank you.