 So the title of this video is why men deeply desire women who do this and it has nothing to do with the bedroom Has nothing to do with sex. They really need Did you hear me say need women to do this now? I want to start off by saying isn't it kind of sad that most dating advice is centered around how women must change or conform to men whether it's the red pill community or even those of us in the the dating Sphere that's helped men helping women to To attract their ideal partner a lot of it might seem like women must do all the changing to attract a man Where's a man's part in this? What's a man's responsibility in the relationship? I think we have this patriarchal Society that's it's brought down from you know the from God if you will that men are the leaders of the Relationship and a woman is supposed to submit to a man and First off I think that's crock if anyone that does believe that and anyone Subscribes to that look at you are more than welcome and entitled to the what I call one up one down type of relationship But I believe relationships are better served as a two-lane street So why is it so much advice is geared towards women in the dating realm? It's because women consume ten times more content in this arena than men do If you go to any bookstore any of the books on my shelf most of the books on the shelf behind me I would say probably have been purchased by women tenfold over than men tenfold over men Now that's not to say men don't seek help You know particularly the men that don't have confidence will go out and seek advice on how to build Confidence so they can meet women That's where they spend most of their time or how to make money so they can meet women So it's either centered around how to make money so they can meet women or how to have the confidence to meet a woman in Real life that's where most of the advice is centered that men listen to women on the other hand by books are Men are for Mars women are from Venus To act like a lady think like a man, you know Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller or getting the love you want by Harvelle Hennecks and Helen Hunt or any of the Barbara DeAngeles books or or the Queens Code by Allison Armstrong women consume far more Information centered around relationships probably including the Gottmans. I forgot to include them as well so What is it that men need from women? What do men deeply desire women to do this goes outside of the bedroom? Well, what I'm gonna tell you what it is right now. We need you to be knowledgeable We need you to be knowledgeable and what I mean to say is you need to understand the might the Mechanics to a healthy happy relationship number one There's gonna be two parts this conversation you need to understand the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship Why it's because most guys in midlife, you know, they're winging it. They're rather clueless I know we've been indoctrinated that men are the provider protectors and the women are the nurturers And all you need to be is with a man who's a provider protector Well, certainly a lot of men are good at that and yet all of those men are going through a divorce Because they're missing this element that I'm about to share in a moment. They're missing this crucial element To make for a successful relationship and guess what these men on a subconscious level are craving it They are craving it and why is it going to be a woman to do this? Because believe it or not his mother didn't do it for him His mother wasn't an active participant in this one crucial factor that every man needs to really have a successful relationship and That is vulnerability. Yeah, that's right Most men struggle with being vulnerable most men are fearful of sharing their Their insecurity and their fears because we have been taught we have been conditioned I earn tire lives to stuff your emotions keep your emotions to yourself To be a man means to be violent like out on the football field or on the hockey rink or something like that that Masculinity is Synonymous with violence. That's what we were conditioned Sadly you ladies were conditioned a completely different way You were sadly conditioned in the sense that your true value was based on your looks You're even told this in the dating realm that men are visual creatures and That men all they care about looks and women oftentimes have been conditioned that all man's value is money This is the this is the kind of noise and the rhetoric we're hearing out there, and it's no wonder It's a clusterfuck out there So what do we need you to do first we need you to be knowledgeable We need you to understand the mechanics of a healthy happy relationship because most men aren't purchasing these books However, there's something I'm going to share with you in a second. So for example For those that are in the early stage of dating now This is probably geared to those that are still in baby making years But even there's a great amount of content this book called eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman There's a link below to get all the books. I recommend under Jonathan recommend books Okay, and for those that are in a seasoned relationship Even though the title says the seven principles for making a marriage work Just take out the word marriage and replace it with relationships John Gottman Okay, why do I want you to gain this knowledge because it's in part it's I'm encouraging you all to impart this knowledge on to men See ladies, I'm gonna tell you a little secret. That's not really a secret. I've been blasting this on my channel for a long time Men actually are trainable Men are trainable in fact all of the women okay Most of the women who followed my advice by introducing this type of Conversations early on before the penis ever goes inside the vagina Seem to now they're rejecting a lot of men. Okay a lot of men don't want to do they don't want to be vulnerable They're incapable of being vulnerable. They are emotionally constipated Here's the thing There are some men that slips through the cracks and when a woman introduces this knowledge to a man it opens up his vulnerability and You see a true success in a relationship is when two people can be vulnerable with one another When they can actually connect at an emotionally intimate space in their lives right from the heart So you see believe it or not as much as it might frustrate you that you think you're doing all the work Guess what there are a lot of men out there that are slipping through the cracks and what I mean to say is Well, let me rewind for a second. Okay another thing you have to do and again This is outside of the bedroom. You have to choose better. You have to choose better Many of you are choosing men who are only capable of Transactional relationships and what a transactional relationship is, you know, I pay your bills You give me sex. I take you out to dinner. You give me sex I give you a little bit of attention. You give me sex a lot of relationships are just transactional I I take you out to dinner. You give me your company You know and this plays into those women I just recently had a comment I know this is gonna piss off the person who probably knows I'm talking about them They say Jonathan I spent all this money on makeup and a dress and hair getting my hair done for a date I deserve that man to pay for that bill Guess what you're in a transactional environment if that is your mindset in the dating process Does anyone here agree with me if you agree with that statement say Jonathan? I agree with that if you're watch if you're watching the live stream or even a replay because that's a transactional mindset I'm here to invite you To start tapping into your soul your real intuition And this is where you have to be critically critic. Okay, not critically When you were aligned to who you are and what you want then it's important to be discerning on who you choose Okay, by the way, you see this link right here Jonathan assley.com forward slash coaching There's a link below my whole coaching practice is teaching you discernment how to get clarity on who's aligned with you and More importantly how to vet for that alignment and even more important is are they emotionally mature enough to be in relationship with you? See it's one thing you see character is an important facet for you to achieve Okay, for you to achieve relationship success and what I mean is Establish the character of this person and I'm gonna give you an outline to prepare for this because who you choose Is gonna make all the difference on who's going to be able to receive this knowledge by reading the various books? I recommend It's gonna play a part in his capacity To be vulnerable and when a man when two vulnerable people who have chemistry Enter into relationship. They have the makings for a successful healthy happy relationship. Okay So when you comes to choosing one of the first things to recognize is does his actions match his words, okay? This all centers around character. Does his actions matches words now? There's always Consistently, let me say there's always exceptions. We're gonna have situations come up where we might have to cancel at the last minute or something But there's a consistency number two they have a generous kind grateful spirit about them I Gotta tell you whether it's a man or woman We are walking in the dating realm is filled with resting bitch face And this is men as well as women. We are talking about victim consciousness. We're talking about Sourpus attitudes towards their past relationships their past marriage their exes Whether it's a man or a woman This ungrateful this lack of generosity this lack of kindness Pay close attention to the way someone communicates. Do they have a grateful nature a generous nature a kind nature? Or do they have a fucking chip on their shoulder and believe me Those people that have a chip in the shoulder are stuck in a constant loop They're in a maze. They are just getting that pellet Of a victim consciousness and when they and you join in on them because you're thinking wow He checks all the boxes. He's tall. He's dark. He's handsome. He's got good money He checks off all the boxes and he seems to like me I'm going to accept all of this bad behavior because he will change You know we humans are fascinating creatures I gotta tell you our capacity to take red flags and paint them Paint them green and I am guilty of this myself It's amazing how we humans will abandon our standards because someone likes us Okay, let's keep going down this list because this is critically important They communicate clearly without wanting to be right If you start to observe controlling behavior, this is the time to be curious Because people who are stuck in righteousness oftentimes make bad partners later on down the road One thing is you're not you're going to observe people's okay They one thing about characters. They don't use people for their own needs in other words They're very mindful that their energy if they People of strong character recognize if they are wounded. That's not the time to date Okay, because they're just going to project their wounds on someone else not to say that we aren't all wounded But if they're stuck in that maze They don't put you in that maze with them because they're what they're certainly aware enough to know That you would be joining their ride and that's not good for you. Okay Another piece they have their act together. They have their act together look at ladies You have to pay attention to where a man is in his life Does the ground underneath him feel solid or is he going through a contentious divorce? Does he has issues in this professional life? Does he have issues with his children? And I'm not talking about minor little issues because we all have issues come up in our life I'm talking perpetually in a state of chaos Oh my god, and you ladies have this capacity to go I'll just take you in and I'll save you and I'll rescue you from all of your plight because then you'll choose me By the way, I'm laughing and I'm hoping that if you've ever experienced this you can laugh at yourself Believe me folks I say this from personal experience. I look at all of the times I've taken red flags and I painted them green and I laugh at my behavior because I'm just a human being You're just a human being We humans are just trying to do we bet the best we can And sometimes we screw up and that's okay That's okay life is a journey of experiences. It's not a destination Couple other things they have when I said they have their act together They're not hooked up on drugs and alcohol and that sort of thing. That's a key place about having your act together They've healed they've done some healing on their past relationships and they're introspective in their own lives I can literally Let me give you an example of introspection. I'm very well aware That I have anxiety when I travel I'm not the best travel companion. I'm always worried about getting on the plane on time I'm worried about connections. I'm worried about, you know, if there's a if if we miss a flight or something happens I'm heightened state of anxiety. I'm aware of this. Okay. Now. I do my best to consciously work through it And this is a childhood wound that has been transferred over from my father on to me It's imprinted on to me and I've done a much better job than I did five or ten years ago But I'm aware of it That's an example of introspection to know your own fears your insecurities And radical honesty is the class to be vulnerable authentic and transparent about them if it's material to a relationship Um, I think an important aspect of character is the capacity to be protective of your partner But most importantly empathetic of your partner and I've been protective protective against your own capacity to To um Let me let me say it this way if you're aware you're not in a good place Men of character don't engage a woman into their life to join in on that. I said that earlier when I said They don't use people, but I'm piggybacking on this. They're protective and empathetic isn't just they can You know feel their feelings It's also that they care about the other person's feelings because the most important facet of a relationship is trust See trust isn't just about fidelity trust is do I have this other person's best interest at heart? You're putting the other you're putting the person or the relationship You're putting the relationship on a pedestal and saying and I mean this in a good way Is that there's a value to this relationship and trust is a fundamental piece. So your best interests are my best interests Folks is this sinking in because I've got to tell you We are swimming in a sea of dysfunctionality. Sadly. This is true And as much as we'd like to pretend that you know, it doesn't exist It does and at the same time we can go. Oh my god Eight out of ten people are so dysfunctional. Well, guess what you're in that group. I'm in that group okay Well, we have to recognize is there's there's gems Out there there are gems out there in this pile of shit. There are lots of pearls if you will And my my invitation for you is to become instead of looking for a needle in the haystack I want you to become the electromagnet to draw it into your life by making these subtle changes Not from a place of victim consciousness from a place of empowerment and recognize that guess what ladies you have the capacity To train men believe it or not I wouldn't be where I'm at today if it wasn't for the women in my life. Most men Are absolutely trainable. I want you to gain the knowledge and then just lead by example. However You have to choose better and that's where I come in and I can help you and support you in that So why men deeply desire or need women to do this? Because most men don't do it but guess what those men who deep down in their heart Desire a committed relationship They're going to welcome it and you're going to find yourself with a great partner that you can co-create a relationship together because you're communicating you're Establishing your needs right up front. You're having dialogue. You're having serious conversations Sooner rather than later Which builds trust and when you have a foundation of trust and friendship and that chemical spark You can have what I call a juicy delicious healthy happy relationship. Is this sinking in is this resonating with you? Please let me know post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts If you found value in this video, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel And hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos or live streams like the one i'm doing today All right Those who know my format if you have a question write the word question in the chat box And then post your question thereafter or you can purchase a super sticker super chat There's a little dollar sign the chat box All the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor Asley that's a picture of him there right there woody with his brother Collin who's buzz light here And his honor I donate to causes always my son who passed away five years ago So in his honor, I donate to causes like the hopman process and insight institute Just to name a few and if you're watching the replay could you hit that super? Thanks, and our goal is 50 dollars tonight. Let's get 50 dollars and just to give some props really quickly It's so sweet that we just got 10 dollars from uh miss call. Thank you so much. So now we need 40 dollars to get to our goal Power of chi wants to say transactional relationships Don't you think you can change him because you can't turn a hoe into a house husband? You know I think humans have the capacity to grow um, I think every human has the past per cat per Capacity to grow The problem is if you're too far aligned from each other, you're gonna be like if you're here and he's here Do you know that space in between what that's called? It's called drama drama Okay, if you're here and he's here. Yeah, there's a capacity to grow But when it's a huge disparity don't plan out. He moves up here. You're still gonna have lots of drama That's just my perception anyway jubilee has a question You say they are trainable, but then come But then come the acquisition I'm not sure what you mean by acquisition But yes, there is a component of acquiring the right person. This is where discernment comes in But jonathan, I'm not getting men asking me out on dates. Well, let me tell you something I listen I'm on dating. I'm now back on the dating apps. Okay I can tell you that nine 999 out of every thousand profiles I've ever seen Is pathetic it's well, let me reframe that it's mediocre or pathetic I can tell you I've I've seen beautiful women with pathetic profiles They have no idea how pathetic they are most of you have crappy photographs poor quality And you're wondering why you're getting crappy poor quality guys It's because you put crappy poor quality effort out there So in acquisition if you're putting out mediocrity, you will get mediocrity back That's not to say that you won't get the guys with the sends you the dick pics and all that kind of stuff But let me tell you something quality Presentation of yourself will get more quality results But I'm telling you each one of you watching this go Well, my profile is different and then I'll go through your profile with you and I'll point out how shitty it is And then you'll argue with me You'll argue with me how I'm wrong and you're right because you're because the subconscious wants to sabotage the okay Many of you believe it or not you're subconscious and I'm going to be doing a video on this in a few days Is sabotaging your love life? It's sabotaging your love life your negative beliefs your limiting your limiting beliefs your negative patterns your Perceptions your delusions all this stuff is sabotaging your love life And you all think you're above it everybody thinks they're above it It's always everybody else is crappy, but I'm above it. This is the delusion we humans live in That's why I say 80 percent of people are dysfunctional They're either users or dysfunctional because we don't realize that the real reality of what we put out there Because most of us are stuck in some sort of negative maze pattern if you will But I went off subject here. I hope I answer your question Gigi says millionaire match. It's reigning great men. I know where they have been hiding check it out It's worth 80 dollars a month. Okay gg I'm in agreement. I have found over the years I've met oh my actually my last relationship technically match and millionaire match and my previous relationship We first saw each other on millionaire match and then I met her on match.com Millionaire match. It's 80 bucks a month Actually, if you purchase it through their website, I think it's 65 a month I've met some amazing people through that site. It is reigning great people. I just think the cost of it The the cost of it generate now by the way, if you do join the site, there are premium members Those are the people pay they can speak to the non-members. Okay premium members can speak to non-members But yeah, I agree gg really good men out there Eva says love how you deliver your great thumbs up message, especially with your creative humor You know, it's funny. Okay, so I had a client and I don't think I'm divulging any secret here I I had a brand new client Join me for a coaching session today And she was a little bit tentative because she knows how when I do my Q&A by the way, if anyone wants to jump on the hot seat, I'm putting the link right there And she was afraid I'm going to be kind of my bombastic self When I'm coaching believe it or not. I'm calm. I'm very lovable. I'm very caring. I'm very protective of my clients My clients all have my personal cell phone number. The other day it was weekend I texted my client. How did the date go and then we jumped on a phone call even though it wasn't a regular coaching session I treat all my clients like my little sister or if I for some of them I'm a father figure for some of them. I'm a big uncle if you will Many of them. I think of them like little sisters I'm very protective because I recognize that many women haven't had good male role models in their lives and so I To the extent that I might and I'm only saying this as a maybe I might be able to emulate that I believe we all need a gigantic bear hug And I end all my telephone calls just like I do with my videos with a big gigantic bear hug All right, uh jubilee has a question Can you get wait? Can you can you can you get some advice on training say that men are trainable? But Uh, then they turn around and tell you and accuse you of trying to change them. How are they trainable? Okay Men Who I have some level of emotional maturity Who are or who are not seeking a transactional relationship are trainable Men who are stuck in their silo of masculinity. They're stuck in their insecurities. They're stuck in their head And they don't really and they're in a trends and they only care about a transactional relationship Those men aren't trainable. I'm talking about those men who genuine genuinely Genuine genuinely want a life partner. Those are the men who are trainable. Okay Uh and your job is to learn discernment to figure it out ester says the untethered soul is amazing I have read it many times folks If there was such a thing as my bible, this would be it the untethered soul by michael singer This is a game changer. Now. This has nothing to do with dating a relationship. This is all about your mindset but most importantly Learning how to talk to the roommate in your head by the way chapter one Or chapter two By the way, if you can read that The voice inside your head is chapter one chapter two your inner roommate This the first four chapters are beyond. I mean brilliantly written now. Let me just say something If you purchase this book Only read one chapter at any sitting it is way too much Even though it takes 15 minutes to read a chapter. Don't read it like a novel I want you to savor every word and it's like Have you ever talked to a nutritionist? They will tell you when you eat your food chew it 30 times or 40 times Most people take one or two bites and they suck down their food. It's the same with reading This is something where you have to literally read each word slowly to take it in But it's like it's like being at the ocean. You're just you're amazed at how how each sentence has it's like it um It engulfs you with so much brilliant wisdom again the untethered soul by michael singer. I highly recommend that Thank you for bringing that up ester all right sandy says yes, i'm listening it's sinking in happy to hear that silvia also wants to jump in you know You know, we have sunk into an all-time low when One of my linkedin connections just hit on me when graciously called him called him on it He his profile disappeared this guy is 20 years younger than me You know what? I have a I have a female friend. She met her boyfriend through linkedin She met her boyfriend through linkedin. He hit on her. He openly admitted it He hit on her but she liked the way but he did it in a cute flirtatious fun way and They've been dating ever since so I mean you can look at listen We can look at the glass half empty or we can look at a glass half full for every story ladies You tell me of some negative. I can tell you a corresponding story. That's quite a bit different That's just my perception anyway. All right dawn is in the house How can I possibly have a relationship like the one you regularly describe juicy delicious emotionally intimate Fulfilling with a man who has a female best friend. He calls his sis um right his sister Even though they've hooked up about two decades ago and her family His family to him as well. I would love an explanation in this case happened. Well first off. Okay folks I would say I have a friendly relationship with my ex-spouse. I have a friendly relationship Not to the extent that we speak, you know quite a bit, but you know ever since our son passed away Our friendship has has developed and we even talked about Some emotional crises we had in our life Fast forward to my most significant relationship after my divorce her name is sherry Um, we weren't meant to be together from a long term, but I look at her as my sister We are dear friends with each other. We have lots of mutual friends She is in a relationship with david. He's a great guy. We played golf together. I've been to their house. I've stayed over Um I've stayed over at the weekend. They she owns a vineyard. So it's a beautiful home And marie my previous relationship. She met her we stayed at her house And to this extent that marie is in my life. She's a we have a friendly relationship We don't communicate that often just because we're not in the same Um, uh logistical space, but I believe men who have good healthy relationships with people in their lives Make better partners now if they have a desire to sleep with that partner if it's an unhealthy relationship I can see how that could be something to be concerned of However, I will tell you and I'm speaking from only personal experience And maybe I'm the exception to the rule and yet it does exist I wouldn't be where I'm at today Emotionally if it wasn't for that person I look up as my sister I wouldn't be here today on so many different levels and I will not abandon that relationship If somebody has an insecurity about that. Okay, that's just my share dawn Um, if it gives you any insight, I just invite you to look at If it's truly A non Sexual relationship between them be grateful. He has someone quality in his life. That's my invitation for you All right Well, it looks like we have a jonathan fan in the house You got to give me your name Well, my you call me j Cole sometimes, but my name is nell and my handle on my email is jm nicoll Okay So should I be offended you uh type my name wrong? Yeah I'm totally kidding. It happens all the time. So All right, so what's your question? Are you ready for the hot seat? Uh, okay. I was really excited about the hot seat. Am I supposed to be prepared for the question? Yes, you should be prepared All right people are watching right now. I mean come on time is the essence people will log off All right. I'm really really excited to be here. Um, and I Honestly just wanted to get through but I will come up with the question. Okay. Here's the thing. I've been watching you for several years now on and off and um, Have listened to the books you recommend some of them Okay, I am in a new relationship Which is going really well How new How new oh like well, okay, so we met each other almost three years ago And it's an on and off. Um, when did you have your first date? January 2021. Okay. When did you have your second date? Wait, all right. Well the reason I'm being a little bit tongue-in-cheek here Are you in a relationship with them? Have you as the penis gotten go inside the vagina? Okay Right now we're four months into being back on and this time Very very good. Okay So we both have daughters. We both have separate houses. Uh, we both have x's So i'm super super cautious of um Rushing in anything so I I love him and I love our time together, but I'm not in a rush. Um Like to blend families because I know You know, it's a awkward thing being a step and um So when are you gonna do it 10 years from now? Maybe five Okay, five years. So so where you would actually combine the families together Is that you're saying five years from now? Yeah, and the reason I say that is because My girls are older. So they're almost college age and his girls are younger So I'm scared. Let me ask a different question. What's the issue in your relationship? Let's look at it from a different vantage point Well, no, let me say it a different way All right, what are you concerned about? I'm concerned about disrupting my girl's World because it's already been disrupted four years ago when I got divorced So I don't want Their reality because we move where where we're at now and it's just so when you say disrupt By the way, if it feels like I'm interrupting you, I'm a kind of guy likes to get to the No, listen, I'm so excited to be talking to you. Okay. So when you say disrupt Are they going to go to school on time or are they going to miss school? Like personal space at home Not not routine and stuff, but I like, you know, um, well, let me just say this Emotionally speaking that that, you know, it's a traumatic event to go through a divorce for any child So I'm don't don't shoot the messenger for saying this, but your children are already fucked up. Okay. Now We're all fucked up though. Okay. So they're just they just finally got on the train like the rest of us now With that said most children today Are substantially familiar with divorce and the dynamics that go divorce. Let me give you an example When I was 12 years old, I remember the kid. It was the mclendons They had to move from their house because the parents went through the divorce. I'm like it was like It was like a sonic. It was like a nuclear bomb went off in our neighborhood. It was that big of a deal It is a big deal when I told my kids and this was 15 let's see 17 years ago. We're going through divorce. They're like, yeah, so what everybody else in my schools keep parents are divorced You know, so this generation they are so familiar with it now What I invite you to do with respects to your children If you haven't already done so is to have deeper conversation about the emotional effects because I will say You know, I know you're concerned about him being in your life But I know you're a good parent and you certainly want to be mindful of how this might have emotionally affected them In addition, you can have a conversation with your daughters if they are older How do you feel about me dating? Not that they get any right in your choices or You know, they they don't have authority over you But you can certainly check in with them to see how they feel about it How they'd feel about if you spent time here because if you're waiting five years, here's the problem How we build trust is through a variety of different experiences, which includes the integration of how they Interact with the people that are important in our life That's all part of the decision-making if you're waiting five years to to reach that point I'm not suggesting you But just recognize that this is the time to see how a person really is in a variety of different Circumstances, that's how you get to know someone. So I guess Um, my my girls have met him and I've met his girls. We've all met each other. Okay. Okay. Oh that I like him um, but I've talked to one of my girls and mentioned something like Actually, she asked me like, you know, you like him or whatever and so you guys going to move in together And I was like, well, I don't know and then so I said I you know But that was a great time to say how would you feel about that? Right? And Mentioned that, you know, the three of us had been doing our own thing for a few years And then she kind of like cut me off and was like Yeah, and so I gave me the sense that she likes us to be a girl's only um I don't know And this is right. I guess this is right now. It could change in a couple years and I have It really matters most let's rewind for a second because the children aren't the biggest issue here Let me say they Is are the two of you co-creating a relationship together? Are you having conscious conversations? Have you had the dating vow conversation? Have you been because if you're a fan of mine, you know, all my rule my my suggestions, they're not rules They're merely suggestions. I have the rules. I have the box Yeah, so so, um If two so you have to ask yourself is this building a conscious relationship? Or are we just simply in a transactional relationship now? Given that you've known each other for years This is a lot different than a stranger you met four months ago But certainly within four months is you know to to ascertain if this has some serious legs to it And having deeper conversations and including Including him in these conversations that create like by the way, I talked about this in the most recent video These are things called I wish I had an affiliate link. I'd like to make some money on it, but um You know, these are really great questions. I I gotta tell you even sometimes I watch a tiktok video I'm someone then they put down some really great questions to build intimacy with a partner um Well, listen, I want to I want to solve a problem Okay, there's no problem here to solve just just you know Just train them All right, I'll do my best All right, then what do I call you miss coal? Oh, and but I mean you can call in janelle if you want janelle Yes, I Jonathan's fan. Can I give you a big gigantic jot them bear hug? Okay, do I get one back? Yes All right. Thanks for being on Anyone else wants to be brave enough to be on hit that link right there. Thanks janelle. I appreciate it all right The magic fire says do you like the ballet? I just went this weekend. No, I'm not a fan of the ballet I'm always impressed. I remember there was a movie With mackael berechnikov. This was probably in the 70s with shirley mcclain and Oh god, was it audrey heppern? No, not audrey heppern and bancroft. Okay And I remember that because it was about the ballet and the woman of the female ballerina was like a very Famous ballerina. I like that movie, but no, I'm not a big fan of the ballet But I by the way, I think it's cool that you went I shouldn't say I'm not a fan of it. I don't think I've never been to a ballet. Oh, no take that back I did date a female dancer once and she did ballet as well. Oh my god Ballerinas never mind. I won't want to go there because I went into my whole sexual mind there for a second Seems like people are asking me personal questions The hour of cheese says jonathan. Do you have a dating profile course or counseling? You know what? I have a product called Finding the love online, but it's outdated now it literally I did it like eight to ten years ago So no most of my work is working individually with people But yes, I can review your profile Give you from the male's perspective I'll tell you how shitty it is and I'm saying this because you guys are all in delusion Wait, let's go let's go on to bumble right now for fun and just open up just some random profile here Okay, this is her for okay. I know I'm I've got her name there. Look at that. She's not looking at her camera Her hair looks like a mess Okay Um You know her next picture is with a goat. I'm like come on. I can barely tell what you look like So we're gonna swipe This woman's got decent profile. Okay, I'll give her credit for that. Oh this woman's got a nice first picture We'll give her credit for that. All right. I'm trying to fight. I gotta tell you sometimes Okay, so her first picture is herb in a bathing suit with sunglasses. Okay. I get that we've got the body shot And that was all that's all she had. Let's go again. Let's do a few more Oh, here's one Okay, she's with a friend Like that's a no-no. You don't have pictures with you and your friends. I bet you she has sunglasses next one It's a crappy photo. It's off to the side. I mean like oops All right See now there's a quality photograph. Okay. I'm not just saying because she's attractive But it's a quality crisp clear photograph. These are examples. I'm just trying to give you examples of the crap I see out there looks like bb's in the house Hey Hey Hi Hi And there you went and there you're back. I love your show. Love your show Is it a show? Well, it's a show for me. I tell you life is a showcase. So Thank you life is a cabaret Yes, I'm glad that I entertain along. I hope I'm informative as well You are you're wonderful. I'm also a life coach. I'm a metaphysical life coach in connecticut And um 90 of my clients are women I get very few men that come in but that's okay um But I just find that you are right on point when you talk about childhood wounding. Um It seems to be the norm lately when it comes to dysfunctional relationships All these women are having right now Um, but I just wanted to talk a little bit about the metaphysical side of it Um as far as what do you have a question for me bb? I'm sorry Do you have a question for me? Yes, um My question is this how do you feel? About people that are not vaccinated versus backs. Have you found out that that's important? To a lot of your clients. Is that something that comes up? So what I've observed is um with respects to that and it's it's quite frankly It's probably less important now than it was say in the height of the um I believe 2021 is when the um When the vaccination first came out Uh, we're talking about covid vaccination. I mean there's vaccinations been out for a long time So I I believe for some people It is a deal breaker I think for some people can be a deal breaker whether it is that you That you don't want to get vaccinated or that you've been vaccinated So I certainly have recognized for some people that can be a deal breaker And I don't want to get into the why's okay because the why is irrelevant to me Okay. Yeah today. I don't think is it's as important Um, but I will say a person's ideology Around a subject like vaccination or politics or religion Will give you a sense of do they have an open mind or a closed mind? So in my world and I'm now going to speak personally if someone is rigid about vaccinations That's to me a closed mind if someone is ambivalent. It's absolutely ambivalent to it. That's a You know, that's a ambivalent mind So I pay attention to their attitude around the conversation whether it's politics whether it's religion Whether it's um vaccines and we could take this to a lot of different subjects I look for the for me personally I look for the difference between an open mind and a closed mind when somebody has a rigid stance on something Now that doesn't mean that we don't have we we can't have a right to stand for something That's important to us. It might be um, you know harming animals or it might be something else But the minute you become imposing that right onto someone else that that perception I believe that's a closed-minded way of looking at things. That's just my way of doing it So did I answer your question? Yes? Yes, you did Yet I just find that a lot of people are struggling with that still And it seems to like be a deal breaker You can meet a like a Here's the thing about deal breakers You know for each individual they have to make their own individual choices And if they draw a line on the sand on something they have every right to do that Now you said they are struggling. Okay. Well, so then you have to look at That gives them an opportunity to look in the mirror and really observe. What are they struggling with? If they if they if the projection is about the other person well, like I'm I'm not vaccinated And I will never date someone who's been vaccinated. I've I've had women who've said that to me Um, you know that's shooting yourself in the foot because we all got vaccinated as children most everybody I know for those those of us who are baby boomers or gen Xers, you know, we were mandatory vaccinated I I remember actually going to the ymca and they had that gun that had that little bulb That little not that little glass tube But I had all them the vaccine and then shot it in your arm And and I remember back in the day it used to be that if you had a vaccination you had like a little Like they had a line size ring on your your shoulder So, you know, like so my coming back to my point if you're so rigid that that's like a deal breaker for you Well, I don't want his semen in my body because it's got all these germs like look we're all we all got shit in us Okay, um, so I mean I just think you're shooting yourself in the foot if that's the way you view things That's just my personal perception Well, bb. Thank you so much for being on the hot seat. Thank you. Have a great time Thanks. I'm giving you a big gigantic job the bear hug All right, thank you All right, thanks Let's keep going here By the way, if anyone else wants to jump on the hot seat, we can keep going tonight. This is fun for me Uh fey says and this was 20 minutes ago Why would a guy contact your family if you avoid him for two days? What does it mean? But then ignores you for days Um, why would a guy contact your family if you avoid him because he's probably triggered in that moment He might be afraid that you um, could be in a ditch or hurt that might be a fear He might be experiencing or he might feeling the abandonment feeling and then the minute you entered back into his life He goes into his cave As I said before and I said again, we humans are rather dysfunctional What matters most is what are you going to do about it? That's the real question. I invite you for yourself All right Goddess Gina michelle Our men on dating sites more likely to contact based on photos or the first paragraph summary If they do read the summary, what should we be? Okay, so now transactional men It's only the photograph for I'd like to think i'm emotional grown up, but I might not be fully grown up But I look at the photograph and the essay so transactional men. It's the photograph An emotionally grown up man. It's the photograph and the essay and trust me the photograph is first you could have written a stellar essay But if I ain't attracted to you ain't gonna matter So I hope I answered your question Hey, tie just said I just finished your book. I learned a lot Excited to start my own journey. By the way folks. She is talking about my book What the heck the self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help spiritual work book is listed below Leaves you're so sweet. You're an ex Jonathan. You are an exception Folks, I got to tell you within my circle of friends. I'm scratching on the ants belly of emotional maturity I have I have men in my life that are far exceed my Uh capacity here, but and I get to learn by some really good role models in my life. So thank you um Jubilee says I just read your book. Oh, thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Nancy drew. Oh my god the hearty boys Why would someone who years ago asked you to marry them? But you were in a different place at that time seek you out to find you to talk again About how wonderful it would be if you'd been married You know, it's interesting. I I had a crush on the girl. I took to prom For years even while I was married. I still had a you know, like it was an unresolved. It was a unresolved required unrequited love it was an unresolved unrequited love And so when I went through a divorce it turns out That this person I had a crush on well actually it was well, I mean by the way, I was still married I'm going to be candid with you. I was married and there was still this Unresolved unrequited love. Okay, but I didn't act on it. I mean I I'd like to think I'm emotionally mature enough not to Well, maybe I'm not emotionally mature, but anyway back then um And then um, it turns out she got married had children her husband passed and so we connected But I didn't have those feelings for anymore. You know, I mean I was I it was nice to reconnect with her after my divorce, but I I kind of I recognized that that was a feeling I had in my Scenes that really didn't resonate within my life at this stage So that's just giving you one example of Nancy drew of what may be happening But does it really matter what matters most or what are you going to do? That's what matters most ladies you oftentimes focus on the guy focus on yourself Uh Oh the movie I was talking about with Ann Bancrofts, Shirley McClain, lakail bareshkina Gotta put your dis name is the turning point. Exactly. Hey, we've got another Oh, we've got a live body in the house Oh now fan again You like being on camera, huh? apparently Okay, so if you have time I wanted to ask your personal opinion Okay, all right Uh Sometimes I feel like I'm being unfair with my relationship requests so I can say like this is what I want and he'll say That's fine. Um, give me an example Yes, thank you. So, uh For the next few years it could be just, uh We'll see each other three times a week. We won't live together. How do you feel about that? Well, but I'm I'm committed. I am committed See, okay, I because he has small children I recognize that they're and you guys are in kind of two different places in your lifestyle Your girls are a little bit older. He's got smaller children. I recognize, huh? I'm Thank you for remembering me. Oh Um, well it was just 10 minutes ago. I mean usually I'll forget but late believe me as soon as we log off I have no clue that I had this conversation because I'm just channeling in this moment. So, um So but you're well or not and you're welcome. So He's got so with respects to the two of you potentially blending lives Now I recognize that that might take some time. Okay, so when you when you're making it a request It's just you're making a request and you said he seemed fine with it But you started this conversation a little bit differently. You said when I make a request and he's Um, not good with it or or you feel uncomfortable with it. Where what did you say? I I'm at it. I guess I don't know at a crossroads between um my past and like stating like exactly what I want and then also but I don't want to be unfair or mean or Um, I don't know unrealistic Yeah Yeah But you still so this is where okay, let me tell you what I just heard What what what what? I'm like, you didn't say anything to me. So give me this is the by the way ladies I'm doing this intentionally at the expense of miss colge and aleck. Excuse me. Um to illustrate a point If you want to be seen heard and understood then articulate Details, that's how we men operate. All right, jonathan Thank you. Okay Let's pretend uh, you're my interest And uh, we've been talking for a while however My girls are almost off to college within a matter of years which in Small picture is a long time big picture is very short. Um So I I I don't I don't want to jar their I don't know memory bank or whatever. I mean you just you know, uh So by the way, you said I'm your interest. So tell me what you want to say All right, you got it. So jonathan are you fine with For the next few years you and I Uh date and see each other a few times a week Obviously our families all know each other, but we're not going to blend households Um until my girls are off to college. That's what it is. I have that's a question and I say yes So what's your dilemma? Are you afraid he'll say no? Yes Okay Yeah, and if he did say no What happens next That's a thing. I mean, that's a lot of either, uh Heartbreak or time wasted, you know, that's Well, by the way, the penis has gone inside the vagina, right? I bet I don't say Huh, would it be better if I say you slept together? Does that make you feel better? Okay All right, the two of you have slept together. Okay, you guys have fucked. Okay All right. Oh my god. I know you ladies are going but jonathan we make love with each other Okay, so you guys are having regular sex together. Okay I'm a big believer if two people are having regular sex together first and foremost that they agree to monogamy and Exclusivity and what that means monogamy means we're not sleeping with other people exclusive Exclusivity means we're not actively looking for somebody else. This is so then it becomes a conversation So before two people engage in sex I believe there should be clarity on relationship desires What do you desire from a relationship? Okay, having these conversations before their sex at least getting a baseline of where a person is at So let me ask you What did he say he wanted? Before you guys went into bed together, right? I feel like Whatever I want he'll do but that's not what I asked you. I asked you. What did he say? When you asked him what he wants, what did he say? Oh, okay. All right. I know by the way sandy says i'm loving this because i'm giving you all a tutorial on communication Thank you sandy. Um, okay. I I don't know exactly what he said, but I do feel like um, that's way Okay, like the most important conversation people have is what do you want out of a relationship? Right. I've written it down and taken notes. He said to me. Here's what he said to me. Um, a couple months back based on our Years, you know of knowing each other he said um You know, I love you and I want to have this relationship, but I don't want to have an empty relationship So I want I want to know it's going somewhere which I love that he said that So he want he said something to the effect of like, you know after a while I I want us to be together, you know either marriage or whatever like a committed thing. So We both want that Even tell you something. I'm just gonna interrupt you I once had and I've mentioned this before because I'm and I'm gonna school you for a moment. Okay So be prepared and I do this with love. Okay. I'm doing this with a lot of love But I'm really doing it for everybody else. It's watching. Okay I had this client woman come to me for coaching. So he said Jonathan I need your advice. I've been in a relationship for nine months and I want more commitment. I'm like great What does that look like for you? Well, Jonathan, I just want more commitment out of the relationship. I'm like great. What does that look like for you? And she kept escalating her voice as if and she said you're not hearing me Like as if I was dismissing her Okay, now. Why am I bringing this point up to understand a healthy relationship? I want you to envision it I want you to literally grab a calendar. I wish I had one here Grab a calendar and look at it over the course of a year Yeah, what does it look like? See I want people to visualize what you're doing three months from now Are you going on a trip? Are you going here? Are you maybe shopping together? Do you go to, you know, do you go to cosco together? Do you Do you go watch your kids soccer games like literally map out what you're actually doing together? Okay Commitment ultimately the the challenge is Until two people are married every relationship technically is casual Because you have you can bail at any time you don't have to go through a kind of a legal process You can bail at any time. So this is the dilemma when we I'm just pointing out and I mean to me It's an obvious thing. Okay Now the minute two people live together. It's not as easy to bail but people can bail on that as well Um, but there's a consequence involved, you know So my point is People say the word relationship I'm I'm really trying to encourage everyone to decide what that looks like for them Like really at a granular level not at the 40 000 foot because it's like when you're flying at 40 000 foot people look like ants I'm talking about be at the fucking ground And have a sense of what it is you truly want Because then that's your guide for how to navigate the relationship going forward I think I know my question okay All right, if it was directed towards you All right, so we're era 40s Um, oh wait, wait, can I say something cupcake just said yes, I want someone to go to I love I I actually used to tell my girlfriend. Let's go to Costco together. I didn't like going by myself It freaked me out. I think that's sweetest I The daydream about going to a grocery store like if I would go by myself when I was married um I would like by the way, this wasn't your opportunity to talk about this get back to your question. Yes. Okay, sorry You know, I'm just playing with you, right? Oh, yeah Okay, my question is I'm asking your personal opinion on this Okay, people, you know watching but okay, so if I were to say Yes, I want us to be in a relationship Period like we're each other's forever. However, I um, I don't have a time table on Putting us um under the same roof, you know, are you okay with that? Like can we be okay with just By the way, okay, let me let me interrupt you I would say you're four months in You don't have to stress about it. Okay. You're a year in Then you should have a serious conversation. I'm gonna make it simple. You're four months in You know, you know, you don't have to worry about it one year in start to think about it Have deeper conversations. Just recognize that if you haven't built the deep roots of trust That It's gonna end at some point. It just depends on how long you want to be together until it ends Until you if you're not it's I want you to think of a relationship like building a house If you don't first build up awesome foundation Okay, then you can't make the sides. You can't make the roof You can't put the you know, you can't put the furniture in, you know, like A relationship is like building a house and if you haven't and most people Naively going well, but if we love each other we can figure out all the problems. No, it starts right from the very first date Anyway, that's my two cents. All right I won't hijack your your uh podcast. You didn't hijack it everybody enjoyed you Janelle big hugs to you. Thank you for being a little bit brave a big big brave and and and tolerating my Brash personalities Don't know how much I listened to you during the day just for You're very welcome big hugs Uh Sandy says jonathan the celebrity Uh, first off, I am not a celebrity. I am just a guy that is very opinionated on relationships It's interesting. By the way, I'm not like this at home. I'm not funny You know, I mean, I'm funny with this because it's like when you're on mushrooms. Oh my god. I love doing mushrooms for this one reason Um When you really understand when when you're on mushrooms example, you understand kind of the meaning of life or really when when connor passed away I I took the medicine to really get a sense of of death actually And when you begin to let go of the fear of death You start to observe observe the absurdity Of human human behavior of little things of big things and and it fascinates me This is why I'm laughing because I'm fascinated at human behavior myself included folks I process my shit all day long But I laugh at myself all day long too. I have a great time exploring the nooks and crannies Of human behavior myself included. So sometimes like with janelle. I was playing with her a little bit Um, and certainly we went into a dive into the vaccination piece and whatnot with bb um I think when we can learn I believe particularly When you can celebrate your wins But also celebrate your triggers. I mean just celebrate those triggers like gosh I've got another fucking thing. I've got to work on today When you can celebrate your triggers when you can celebrate your successes when you make them Equally as valuable into your life. This is just my observation um along with of a mindset of gratitude I believe it's a pathway to inner peace You know when we can put them on even keel You see most people are searching for the next joy the next happiness the next experience They're always on searching and what happens is there's a corresponding negative that will happen That's polarity when you can make them like this in value to yourself. This is just my own perception on this Um That's where inner peace lies in that space of not you know, you can celebrate joys But celebrate the fucked up shit that you like I mean in other words your insecurity your fears your stupid actions your painting red frags green And i'm laughing at myself You know, uh, believe me. I this is just an invitation for everyone and this really kind of is in sync with the book The Untethered Soul by michael singer. I invite everyone to check that out. There's a link below um You know, I was normally logged off after an hour, but we seem like we have a lively group. So ester says Lol, I did mushrooms too. I went to the another universe lol I think I stayed there because there was no evolved men there either Oh, we see you made that beautiful and then you had to kind of bash men Uh, I know you have I don't know if that's a smiley face, but folks Trust me You all think you're evolved. You're not you're not you're not you just think you are And cupcake even agrees with me um Cupcake. Oh, I think you're agreeing with this day, but most human behavior is ridiculous It's healthy to find a funny or type of common ground to find mutual sync with others. So be it exactly um ph joy Let me see the evolved men I ate mushrooms with did not touch me. I don't know what that means, but okay By the way, does anyone have a personal question for me? I'm gonna you say, you know I'm gonna keep going only if you guys have personal questions. I will uh divulge my inner world Sandy says I would like to try mushrooms. How do you go about this? How do you know you can trust the person that you're doing with first off? It's best to be referred by someone. I believe it's best done in a ceremonial setting Um, there are websites actually out of canada Um, gosh, there's a website that a friend of mine hosts, but you can start connecting with people. Um But I I believe it's best to do in ceremony when it's curated by when it's a controlled environment You again, usually it's a referral that gets you in so these are just couple of the suggestions I would make oh my gosh. We have zen gal in the house She's brave Good evening. Good evening Hit me with your best shot. You are so funny tonight I love that paint your red flags green That is awesome Well, I didn't I actually I was on a mushroom trip and the woman I was sitting next to I was talking about my breakup And she goes oh, you just painted the red flags green. I'm like, oh, fuck. You're right By the way, I had plenty of red flags in my past relationship. I talked earlier about how dysfunctional I am with traveling I wasn't a really good partner for someone who's a that's all they cared about traveling I'm not the best person to travel with but that's another conversation zen gal. What do you got for me? Well, do you think you'd ever date long distance again? You know, I've been processing that Under certain circumstances A they would have to have an incredibly flexible lifestyle And I mean, I mean a very flexible lifestyle not a moderately flexible lifestyle number one they'd have to have the financial resources to to Invest in that kind of relationship. So that would in other words They're financially stable enough that they're not dependent on the location that they live in for their financial survival They would also have to be open to moving to california at some point I do want to live outside of the country at some point in my life But I still want to be close to my son and I'm selfish that way You know, she'd have to be emotionally grown up She'd have to have a connection with source. She'd have to want to be growth oriented. She'd want to perform ceremony with me I mean, there's a lot of checks and boxes. I'd have to go through if I was going to do long distance So do you have to be emotionally grown up to date you? Well, you have to have a desire to the extent emotional grown up so um I have a friend of a friend who's in a relationship with someone who is an absolute emotional child I mean, he basically is the thought he's a parent in the relationship So I don't want to be where I'm the parent in the relationship I want someone who's an adult in the relationship and emotionally an adult So yes, that would be kind of an important prerequisite. Okay. I just I like people that are in touch with their inner child Well, you see now that's different, you know, that's that's not an emotional grown up Is not just in other words, you're an emotional grown up as an adult But having a connection with your inner child is an important facet of I think um, the playful side of a relationship So what's your question was your question directed to me personally? You said to ask you some questions. Oh, got it. Got it. Got it. Got it So I'm just out here at the ranch hanging out Ah, well, thank you I just wanted to say hi Well, thank you zen gal. Can I reach into the camera and give you a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug? Sure, and I'll try to um, see the correct color in my flags Okay, by the way, it's okay. By the way, red flags merely means ask better questions Deal breakers are deal breakers and never compromise on a deal breaker. Okay. Yeah, and oh one question I have is um Intuition talk about intuition. How important is that? So intuition, I think this is a great question So most of us don't really trust our intuition. Sometimes we do sometimes we don't What I've observed about intuition is intuition always speaks in a calm voice Whenever intuition is like, ah Like this that's not intuition. That's fear talking So or and when you're trying to rationalize that choice Okay, so here like you you look at a profile and you just go that's not a fit for me Like you don't need to you don't need to rationalize the why you don't need to rationalize the why you could just simply go That's not a fit for me. Um, that could be intuition But if then you go, well, they live far away and this or that that could be fear But that's also a self sabotage or it could just be that they're not right for you either But the end of the day intuition speaks in a calm voice That's my perception. Anyway, I like that All right. Well, listen, we got more questions coming up. Can I say goodbye to you big hugs? Bye Bye now Well, since I opened the door to personal questions, we've got a lot coming in so Corny Cobb says we'll call and come on the show. You know, I've asked him We're still kind of processing that I wanted him to I thought about doing a Thanksgiving show But uh, he wasn't up for it. So we're still we're working on him Marianne has a question. Have you ever had to not explore a relationship because of deal breakers and then suffered from the what ifs with strong attraction? um No, I I don't think I've ever had that I've never had I've never had a situation like that. I I do believe I've I sometimes Like I will Arbitrarily reject people pretty quickly based on a gut, you know, like that kind of that gut reaction And mostly that gut reaction is based on alignment I don't go down the rut if what if you know, like a lot of people go. Well, you just never know like, okay So let me just tell you for the first probably seven eight years of dating after my divorce I did the whole you just never know. I would go out with women who were wrong Like I mean they were I mean for a variety of different reasons. Maybe there wasn't mostly alignment in lifestyle But I always did that you just never know or I would look at someone's photograph And three of the photographs were great. But one was so mediocre They always look like the mediocre picture. I swear to god So whenever you have to talk yourself into something That's a no-no I learned that I learned that the hard way if I have to talk myself into something saying you just never know At the end. I always knew I was right the first time. It's talking yourself into shit. That's just been my observation anyway, so thanks Marianne for the question um What information in the first paragraph of dating profile catches a man's attention so I I'm I'm gonna pull up Bear with me a second Here's a profile A woman's profile. Okay. I want to read this to everyone goddess. Gina It says non-negotiable. I shared this before an egocentric narcissistic Never been married no contact with this children expecting women to fawn over him jack ass wanting my time That will attract an asshole That will attract the asshole. You are literally saying i'm inviting an asshole in my life Who's gonna pretend not to be an asshole, but trust me. He's an asshole So everybody are you interested in hearing what my profile says? Let's uh, let's go to my profile This would catch me if it was something similar. So my profile starts. This is bumble okay For the past five years after losing my son I've been on a deep exploration to find out who I really am beyond fear and ego a journey of self love Seeking a marriage-minded woman who wants to explore the depths of love And then it goes on Swipe right if personal development and spiritual practices are important to you Including plant-based journeys to explore deeper consciousness and expand to the divine that I go on to say A non-negotiable must have a connection to source or spirit and a desire to heal from childhood wounds and adult traumas Basically to grow emotionally as a person or as a couple And then lastly a pro and con of dating me. You guys are gonna love here. I'll put it up on the screen Pro and con of dating me the pro high emotional IQ and good relationship skills the con I like to process everything That's probably by the way the right woman is gonna read that and get it Okay, the right woman's gonna read that and get it. I'm I'm intentionally trying to scare the wrong women away So some of you go. Oh, jonathan. I could never be with you. You process everything. I great. We're not right for each other So what's a good profile? I want you to think about it like telling a story I want you to think about telling a story about who you are So actually let me read to you really quickly my match.com profile. I i'm gonna read you a sentence from that I think this might help illustrate a point. Okay So where's my profile? Um, bump bump bump bump bump there with me view. Okay, so um Basically the same as I read before I said I won't shut up about I'm fascinated with human behavior personal development and the meaning of life spirituality, especially self love and self work If you have a curious mind we're a fit because I'm attracted to inquisitive women Interested in expanding mutual consciousness. Let's just say that personal development and spirituality are my jam Is it yours too the way I describe myself as an outwardly looking alpha male. I'm six foot two way 205 pounds So I'm physically an alpha male with a big teddy bear heart Maybe I say I'm a good guy with an edge and yet I'm human with insecurities or dare I say flaws The thing that freaks me out most is condiments I can't stand to be near ketchup mustard mayonnaise and relish, but what I can do will hold your heart Like a precious jewel as your lover and your heart protector So did you hear how I told a story? I shared an insecurity about myself meant to be humorous, but the same time I incorporated something within that now I'm speaking to a certain type of person. So first Know who you are And then know your audience who you want to attract So when you're writing your profile really get a sense of who you are and tell it as a story Kind of the way I described it here. I want you to think about it You know think about how I'm going to use the word you sell yourself, but I don't mean it that way I'm just saying how do you give the highlight reel? I I just happen to learn to write after doing this for decades now But if you need help hire a company called e-sereno e-sereno Um, it's owned by a man named evan mark cats evan mark m-a-r-c cats k-a-t-z Mentioned my name And they can write your profile for you. Okay, so I hope that helps goddess um If a gal said I'm a childbearing, what would you say? I'm not interested in someone raising children. I'm I'm past that point in my life. So that's my answer to that All right, we have joy in the house Okay, I'm gonna I'm here I'm uh, okay. I'm all right Um, joy will give you another second to log back on otherwise. We're we're gonna probably log off soon um bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum Jubilee says may I copy your profile? Yes, you may But then it's not yours. By the way, um I do have a list of great online dating profiles that I've copied You know what I would do go to match.com start reading women's profiles and just cut and paste ones that you like That's what I would do That's what I would do um All right, well it looks like um, oh zen gal says thank you to beach lover great You know, and I think this would be a great place to wrap up. We went a lot longer than normal I'm gonna go watch a documentary Jonah hill Did a documentary about his therapist. I think it's called stutz st utz st utz it's on netflix and I've been watching it. It's fascinating. It's a great documentary. It's about Jonah hill's therapist called stutz st Uts, I believe I pronounced it properly highly recommend checking it out. Um I'm really getting into that one. So and zen gal says we should all go on a cruise I think that would be fun um Sherry says thanks to everyone Is it a full moon tonight? Really? Oh, I'll have to go outside and check it out Uh, let's see if there's anything else bump bump bump bump bump Nancy drew says that was a good one jonathan. I like it. I process everything too. I get it Well with the name like Nancy drew you're a detective. So it's kind of built into your psyche probably Tara says you are hilarious last night. It was about men willing to swim through alligators for sex and tonight It's how much you hate being around condiments Tanya brings up the show. Yes, it's on netflix called stutz Uh, and it's supposedly a good book a lot of great too. Oh, I didn't know there was a book I'm gonna have to order that book. Um, check that out. So, yeah, thank you so much for sharing that pH joy says I was trying to mute the youtube Yes, if you want to jump back on you can jump back on I'm gonna okay. Listen. I'm in a good mood tonight I wish I had a cocktail right now um Oh jenelle saying I'm sorry I misspelled your name. It's okay and you did it again Hahaha Folks j look at right there j o n a th o n Uh Zen gal says mushrooms for dinner. I already actually had them for lunch Little micro dosing Okay, Lisa is in the house Question super successful independent doesn't entertain emotional needs childhood traumas makes me question my judgment Intuition says he can, wait, I didn't know if that was a dating profile. Super successful, independent, doesn't entertain emotional needs. Childhood trauma makes me question my judgment. Intuition says be concerned with ego. I'm a little confused by where you're going, but just remember, the ego is always trying to rationalize things is my perception of one of the perceptions of ego. All right, Joy. Oh, hello. Thanks for your patience. And I know I came late, but I think I kind of caught up. You were talking about transactional versus like soul connection and how to sort that out. Okay. Well, you know, I'm trying to figure that out. We all are. Yeah. Well, I appreciate your perspective. Okay. So I want to say thank you for asking, answering the question about self protection versus self sabotage that I was asking. And you said intuition is a gentle voice, maybe. I believe so. And again, this is my perception on this, yeah. So, I mean, okay, so like, so if I'm kind of pushing for like an answer then it's probably not intuition. It's probably like compulsion. You know, a friend of mine once gave me an example and this is crude, but you know, like you're on an airplane and all of a sudden you have this anxiety that the plane is going to crash, right? And you're just overwhelmed with the anxiety. You think that's your intuition. Okay. Right. And that's most likely clear, right? Okay. Well, but that's, that's kind of, we're using this, you know, but you could say. Exactly. Yeah. You could say, well, that's my intuition talking because it's screaming really loud, you know. Okay. Yeah. No, okay. You're right. I don't believe that's intuition. I think that's clear. I mean, I just, I think that one clue I try to remind myself, I'm 45, you know, it's like, I'm learning, I'm figuring things out, but like I still don't trust everything, but I'm like defer, defer, defer, like give myself a minute to think about it. Of course I can procrastinate too though, but yeah, you know, okay. Well, I guess I wanted to tell you, okay, I wrote a couple of notes here. I think I wonder about the proportion of fans to hopeful lovers you have here showing up, but you're new to me. I haven't fallen in love with you yet, but I think you're really refreshing. By the way, appreciating someone isn't, by the way, and appreciating someone is a form of love. I get that. Yes. I appreciate it. A lot of people appreciate me. I newly appreciate you. I just found you not that long ago, but clearly I've been like trying to, I need a little help. I mean, like my dad was like, you don't understand men when I was a teenager and I'm like, okay, and he never helped me learn how to understand men. He never tried. So I've been working on it and I rose, I raised a son who's 22 now, and that gave me a lot of perspective on men. And if I hadn't done that, and if I wasn't 45, I wouldn't be able to even tolerate this 49 year old that I'm kind of, I think I'm in love with him. I don't know. And this is very new. But anyway, but I want to say though, your attitude is like, I feel like I can relate with you in so many ways, just on a personal level from what you're thinking and the way you look at things, but also you're exactly like that guy that's just like, well, let me just say, this is the truth. This is how we look at it. And so I thank you for sharing that with us. Well, first off, I want to identify something. So a lot of times I make generalizations, okay? About male and female behavior. But let me be clear, I believe men and women are equally dysfunctional. And so most people are usually caught in the transactional relationship dynamic, okay? So transactional relationships, throughout centuries have had a hierarchy associated with them. We've heard about the base instinct of men are provider protectors, women are nurturers, that's base caveman kind of instinct. And then there's the imprinting that happens in childhood, boys are supposed to be a certain, or excuse me, there's the socialization, boys are supposed to be a certain way, girls are supposed to be a certain way. And then there's the biology piece, testosterone versus estrogen, okay? And a lot of people base a lot of dating advice on this dynamic, but it's all based on transactional relationships because what's not discussed, and to the extent I appreciate John Gray's work, he talks about the biology of things, what not, but what's not discussed is the imprinting that happens in childhood, the love attachment styles that they experienced, the amago experience of childhood wounds. I'm just learning about attachment styles and like avoidant attachment styles. Okay, keep going. So that's not contemplated in this dynamic. And then what's not contemplated in this dynamic is the emotional wounds of going through a divorce and multiple relationships in certain lives so that emotional traumas that play into that part. And what's not discussed really in these things is really someone's social economic space that they're in in their lives and whether or not they're introspective or not. So what happens is a lot of base advice is based on that, the caveman, the biology and the socialization, okay? Well, I feel like, yeah, men wanna prove that they're a good man based on kind of what they've been told or taught. Well, some men do, okay, some men do, but after divorce, a significant percentage of men is, look, I just want you for companionship, connection and sex at my beck and call. So they're not in a state of being a true protector on any emotional level. Oh, okay, I think this situation, it's like kind of a little, like mixed feelings about like, I think there's a little bit of both that's kind of, he's wrestling with. In my personal thing that I'm witnessing, there's the caveman instinct, but also, yeah, we're in that pocket that you talked about like after our kids have already, you know, we're not gonna have kids. Let me just say this, we are all emotionally conflict in multiple parts of our persona, our personality, our subconscious. And to give you an illustration of what this looks like, if you had a dream and that there were 20 people in the dream, each person is a representation of you in that dream. So it's just a different part of your persona, your personality, your belief systems all play a part. So most humans are rather conflicted because they haven't integrated the parts of who they are. And so this is where doubt comes in, this is where uncertainty comes in, this is where a guy can tell you they're madly in love with you and the next day ghost you. Okay, cause they're all conflicted. This is just, this is why I said earlier in the broadcast how I laugh at human behavior because it's kind of funny. Sitting, I think God just sits up on his chair if there is such a thing as, I always think of God, universe spirit, but they're sitting up on God. I already have a sense of humor. Yeah, it's just laughing at our stupidity. At our expense sometimes. But my thing is when we can learn to do that for ourselves, then we're in on it with them. So anyway, Taking a looser grip to it all, I guess, is maybe the idea, maybe that you're trying to tell me. Oh, and just something earlier too, I put it in the chat, but I felt like some of the women here, like even though I was 20 minutes late, I just remember this older lady when I first, I mean, this was like 15 years ago at least, I just was like, hey, if you have any advice, because I could tell, I'm like, okay, why don't I ask an older woman, like what's your advice for life? And he mentioned that she had, and I didn't, I wasn't asking about love, I don't think, but she said that women, okay, so she had been in love with somebody, like they'd been hanging out for a while. And it was like, she was like pining away for him for so long. And she still had been, at the time I had met her, she was still in love with me. Hey, Joy, can I jump in? Yeah, well. Okay, because all I hear is, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, I'm like, okay, I'm just trying to give you an example of what women wasted a lot of time. Stop, stop, stop, stop. Okay, I want you to think of a question to ask me. I'm trying to teach everyone an illus, I'm using you as guinea pig right now. Okay, so why I'm sharing this with you is when you're speaking to a man, okay? I need a little, thank you. You didn't go off, and by the way, men are just as bad at this as well, but you go off on all these fucking, you go down, mirroring all these different places and you're like, I'm fucking, I'm like, I fell asleep already. Okay, maybe this is part of why I came in here because I kind of needed you to call me out on that. I'm gonna, we're gonna practice something, okay? Okay, let's practice. You now had to deal with this, now it's your turn. Okay. Okay, I'm gonna do it. So if you think of a question. Yeah, so I can. And I'm gonna keep interrupting you because until you do do it right, okay? Oh my God, I'm not that quick to catch on. Yeah, would you say it's true that women set the tone? Okay, that's a great question. Okay, so historically speaking, women gives me a chance to pontificate because I love to be righteous and pontificate. I'm just being tongue-in-cheek. We can't be the only ones pontificating. Okay, so historically speaking, women have been indoctrinated in that men are the leaders of the relationship. They do the asking out, they do the paying, they do the asking for marriage. So men are the leaders of the relationship and they've been indoctrinated in that literally throughout, you know, infinitum, so to speak, okay? So because of that indoctrination, you know, women have oftentimes not always been subjective to the way a man wants to direct the relationship. Now, what's interesting, anyone who saw the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding, she uses a phrase and this was very similar to my mother and father growing up, that the man is the head of the relationship and the woman is the neck, okay? So a woman actually has substantial power within herself if she decides to utilize it. So to the extent that there's tone, I said you set the tone. I certainly believe you set standards for yourself when you establish your standards with another human being, particularly in romantic relationship, that sets the tone, okay? Now, a man should equally be setting his standards. This isn't singular to a vagina versus a penis, okay? Each person should have their standards and in a conscious relationship, I said a soul relationship earlier, but what I really meant the difference between a transactional relationship and a conscious relationship, which is really an intentional relationship of two people connecting both on the soul level and at a transactional level as well. When two conscious people get together, they both mutually set the tone because they're co-creating something together. I always liken it like two partners in a law firm, okay? Now you might have one partner in the law firm that's great at getting the, you know, they're the rainmaker, they get the leads and the other person might be the admin person that runs the office. I'm thinking of the TV show LA Law, okay? But in a good partnership, you take each person's strength and magnify their strengths for the success of the relationship. That's a co-creative process because people are gonna have their strengths and they're gonna have their weaknesses and you try to balance them out. So to answer your question, coming back to, now I gave a more detailed delusional. Oh, yeah, I mean, I'm so glad I asked this. Thank you for asking me to ask the question, which I got way more out of it that way. I believe both men and women should establish their standards and then a boundary, the way Brené Brown talks about it, a boundary is simply what's okay and what's not okay for me. Right, and everybody, yeah, everybody has to do that. Well, okay, no, I appreciate you challenging me and I've been on only a couple of times on a StreamYard and I definitely was too nervous to even communicate, but I wrote a couple notes and I appreciate this. All right, let's hear your notes. What's that? Let's hear your notes. Oh, should I just read them verbatim or do you wanna see, like? Well, I can't read it, so you better read them. No, I think I started with thanks for asking the question, self-protective sabotage. Intuition is a gentle voice. I relate, oh, I mean, I said I relate with you, but I barely understand men, so thank you for sharing your perspective. And then, I think I already told you all this, but, and then LOL, I wonder the proportion of fans to hopeful lovers you have, and then, okay, transactional versus soul and then women's at the tone, those are my notes. I did okay, you asked me to ask a question that was a challenge, that was a big challenge for me. By the way, by the way, now I invite, I'm talking to every woman here. You guys, you ladies have a propensity to say in 10,000 words what we can only hear in 10 words. Oh, no, I mean, If you want us to be on track, start with not the story, but start with the purpose of telling the story. So then, when we're, we can just, so then we can just keep going, going, going, going, going. We know the purpose, and we'll come and answer that when you finish, we'll go, okay, now here's your answer. Oh, you need to do a masterclass on this. I'm writing on my notepad now. Purpose, start, purpose of the story. Start with. If you read the book, I hear you. The surprisingly simple skills behind extraordinary relationships, Michael Sorenson. I have like a little notepad where I wrote, I hear you, but I don't really know how to do that very well, but yeah, thank you. Well, anyway, I mean. Well, listen, I've got to go. It's been, I didn't realize- Yeah, thank you for letting me- On this live stream. Thanks for working with my technical difficulties. And I feel like that was really helpful for me and probably more than- All right, so then now your job is to send this video off to 10 of your girlfriends to- I'm at least, oh, I'm at least gonna, yeah. Oh, you know it. At least 20. Oh, you know it. Okay. All right, can I send you off to the big gigantic Captain Bear hug? Okay, I got you. All right, thanks, Rita. I'm Hannah Bear. Actually, my middle name is Joy. Okay. Oh, Joy Hannah Bear. Have a good one. Oh, wow, that was fun. So we bumped that guy, Jameson, because he said something that I finally saw was kind of a dick comment. So we bumped him, everybody. You know, I don't like people that liked- Listen, I'm all for stirring the pot. That's what I do on my channel. I stir the pot. But I'd like to think I do it in a fun, loving way. It seems like many of you appreciate it tonight's live stream. I hope you've got value out of this conversation. If you did, please do me a favor. Hit that like button right now. Please share this video. Please share this video with 10 or 15 or 20 of your friends, men or women. Also, you know, hit that notification bell or subscribe if you're brand new to watching. I really do hope you've got value out. If you did, please post a comment below. I do my best to read them all and share some love. And again, by the way, we got no donations for the- By the way, if I did a great job tonight and you were on the hot seat, could you donate some money to the Connor Asley Scholarship Fund? I would love to give some money away tonight. So I'm gonna stay on for a few minutes longer to see the love. There's a little dollar sign in the chat box. Let's collect some money for Connor tonight. It would really mean a lot. Actually during Thanksgiving, one of his dear friends sent me one of Connor's last voice messages that was ever recorded. And he sent it to me. And it was him being him, rather brash, I would say. But it was a special treat to listen to it on Thanksgiving day. So I would love to donate some money to the Connor Asley. I'd love you to donate some money because I'd love to give some money to the Hoffman Process and Insight Institute. Our goal was $50. We need $40 more to get there. So I'm gonna leave it open for just a few more seconds. I'd love it if you donate or hit that super thanks if you've gotten this far watching the replay. All right, folks. I think that'll do it tonight. I hope you really did find value out of tonight. This was a lot of fun. This was, usually I struggle getting to the 50 minute to the hour mark today was really fun. We had a very lively group. Hey, SunGal just donated $5 to the Connor Asley. Laura just donated $10 to the Connor. Oh, thank you so much, Laura. I really appreciate that. Oh, I love the love. Elizabeth says, I don't care if he pays the bills or not. I wanna hear heart to heart connection. I've done a lot of work. Maybe he is not able to be. I don't know what that is, but thank you for sharing. Magic Entertainer says good night and thank you. We really appreciate, or you didn't say thank you, but you said good night. I really appreciate it. Joy, the link is the little dollar sign in the chat box. That's where the link is. Just hit that little dollar sign. Cupcake Betty says, wow, that's so awesome. You got a voice message from Connor. Loved for that. I'm so grateful. Yes, I'm very blessed. All right, Sherry says good night. So we're all gonna say good night right now. Cupcake did say, great job this evening. What a great bunch of gals. This was fun too. All right, folks. Oh, we've got a $20 super sticker. Yay, we hit our goal tonight. Yay, I'm so excited. Thank you for the love, for all your love. Truly grateful, really appreciate it. Big hugs to you all. Take care. Bye now. Bye.