 uh ladies and gentlemen welcome to this airplane uh let me remind you that this is a budget airline so the plane will not be flying but moving on the road but don't worry we will take the highway uh please fasten your seatbelt so that in advance of a plane crash we can easily identify your bodies uh some expensive bad food with a smell oh so bad your neighbors will hate you will be served by the way if anyone on board is a pilot please make yourself known as i have no idea how to turn this thing on uh this is an automated pre-recorded announcement we will uh in case of a crash well you'll be dead so don't worry about it nothing new uh in case the oxygen master deployed be aware that we didn't put oxygen into them so it's literally just a plastic bag lol uh if i feel like it i might create some turbulence during the flight just for fun yeah i'm currently going through divorce so now i want everyone to go through ups and downs uh please turn off your phone hey yeah sorry i'm making an announcement actually it's okay uh how are the kids oh divorced me too cabin crew prepare for turbulence uh we will be preparing our duty-free products momentarily well i'm not because i'm off duty cabin crew prepare for turbulence case of a turbulence cabin crew prepare for turbulence in case of a crying baby on board choose your seats more wisely next time he's talking to you we have just landed please remain seated until the aircraft has come to a full stop okay uh and now an announcement for the chinese people on board