 Mother, is Maxwell House the best coffee in the whole world? Well, your father says so, and your father knows best. Yes, it's Father Knows Best, transcribed in Hollywood, starring Robert Young as father. A half-hour visit with your neighbors, the Andersons, brought to you by Maxwell House, the coffee that's bought and enjoyed by more people than any other brand of coffee at any price. Maxwell House, always good to the last drop. Some 300 years ago, it was said in Rochester by an Earl of the same name. It is a very good world that we live in, to lend or to spend or to give in, but to beg or to borrow or get a man's own is the very worst world that ever was known. Well, 300 years haven't changed as much, and Rochester or Springfield, borrowing is still a popular pastime with a large portion of our citizenry. Not our old friend Jim Anderson, however. He is definitely opposed to borrowing, and he comes right out and says so in a few thousand well-chosen words, like this. The Phillips have a waffle iron. Why did they have to borrow ours? Because Helen had a bridge luncheon, and she served waffles, and she wanted to make more than one at a time. Helen, that lame brain. Jim, please. Well, there isn't anybody here, and if I can't... Good morning, everybody. Good morning, dear. Jim, I've told you so many times. She didn't hear me. Morning, Daddy. Good morning, Kathy. Drink your orange juice, dear, but have some nice hot waffles as soon as Bud gets back with the waffle iron. Okay. Daddy! Yes, kitten? Who's a lame brain? Uh-huh. Well, we were just... May I have some coffee, Margaret? Of course, dear. In which pocket would you like it? Just let me have a cup of coffee, please. All right. There you are. Thank you. Daddy! Yes, dear? You still didn't tell me. Well, I was just... What time is it? 8.30. 8.30. Say you'd better hurry up, Kathy. You'll be late for school. On Saturday? It is Saturday, isn't it? Don't you want to tell me? Tell you what, kitten? I don't remember. Well, then it couldn't have been very important, could it? She wanted... Well, that's what it was! Betty, why can't you ever learn... Good morning, mother. Good morning, dear. Hi, father. Isn't this a beautiful day? It might have been. What? Now will you tell me? Tell you what? Who was a lame brain? I didn't say anybody was a lame brain. I said that Hector Smith fell down the stairs and got a bad sprain. That's what I said, wasn't it, Margaret? I wonder what can be keeping Bud. I told him to come right back. You see, that's what I said. He sprained his back. He did? Why, father? I was right there in the hall talking to Janie on the phone, and you said that... Nobody asked you what I said. But... And why isn't you have to grab the phone the second you get out of bed? Jim, you told her to call Janie. I did? When? Last night. Well? What did she have to say? She said she loaned it to Grace Russell. She loaned what, the Grace Russell? My bracelet. That's what you told me to call her about. Oh. Well, what right does she have to lend her things to other people? She said she didn't think I'd mind, and she had to borrow Grace's class pin for the Easter prom. Doesn't Janie have a class pin? Well, sure, but she loaned it to me in exchange for my bracelet. I don't know. It's perfectly simple, Father. You know, when I was a boy, people didn't borrow things that belonged to other people. If they didn't have a class pin, they went without one. But, Father, I gave Janie... It isn't a question of what you gave or what you got. You have no right to parade around in things that don't belong to you. What if you lose Janie's pin? I'll get her another one. And what if Grace loses your bracelet? She can't. Why not? She loaned it to Mary in Swift. Mommy, I'm hungry. Just a minute, dear. Betty, your father's right. Why don't you and Janie get together with the other girls and straighten everything out? And from now on, wear only the things that belong to you. But, Father, how dull! Oh, that's the silliest thing I've ever heard. I got the waffle iron. Hooray! We eat! And it's about time. I couldn't help it, Dad. Joe Phillips didn't want to let me take it. He what? He said he was going to hold it for security until I gave him back his algebra book. Margaret, what's gotten into this family? I haven't got his algebra book, Dad. I gave it back to him. Let me have the waffle iron, dear. We can talk about it. What happened to the cord? The cord? But a waffle iron's no good without a cord. Where is it? Joe's holding it for security. You know, when I get up in the morning, the sun is shining and the birds are singing. Jim, there's no need to be melodramatic. There's another cord in the basement. Want me to get it, Dad? No. You stay where you are. You're liable to borrow somebody's eye teeth on the way down. What would I do that for? Jim. I'll get it myself. It's on the shelf at the foot of the stairs, dear. I know where it is. I couldn't help it, Mom. I told him we needed it. Aren't we ever going to see... Bracelets and algebra books. Anybody think we never bought anything? They ought to see the bills that come into this place. Spend money like a bunch of drunken sailors. Cathy! You want me, Daddy? Whose bicycle is this? What? I said whose bicycle? Come to the top of the stairs. Okay. Then half my life shouting and the other half looking for things. Get this place all cluttered up with junk. I'm here, Daddy. Whose bicycle is this? And how did the handlebar get broken? I didn't know there was any... Oh, that bicycle! Whose is it? Patty Davis's. How did it get down here? I don't know. I suppose it walked in all by itself and broke its own handlebar. It did? Cathy, I'm trying very hard to be patient. Did you borrow Patty's bicycle? Well, I borrowed it, but I didn't put it down here. What's the matter with your bicycle? It's got a flat tire. So you borrowed Patty's, broke the handlebar and hid it down here. No, I didn't, Daddy. Maybe it fell in the window and broke itself. And then picked itself up and leaned against the wall. Maybe it bounced up. Kathleen, I will not stand for any more of your wild story. How did this bicycle get down in the basement? Margaret, I'm trying to find a cord. I just remembered, dear. I loaned it to Lucille Hathaway. Oh, fine. All right, Cathy, go upstairs. She will. Margaret, Patty Davis's bicycle is down there with a broken handlebar. And Cathy says she doesn't know anything about it. Well, I don't. If she says she doesn't, Jim, then she doesn't. But she borrowed it. She admits that. I borrowed it, but I didn't put it down in the basement. Jim, I'm sure if you speak to any... I'm going to speak to the children first. They've gotten into a very bad habit. And I'm going to stop it before it goes any further. Well, can't you wait until after breakfast? What breakfast? Oh, well, how about a nice omelet? That won't take long. Fine. And in the meantime, I'll talk to the children. I just assume wait until after breakfast. I'll bet you would. Betty, Bud? Want me to run down to Mrs. Hathaway's, Mom? No, dear. We're going to have an omelet. And a little talk. Father, I don't know why you have to get so upset. Nobody else, mind. I don't care about anybody else. But everybody borrows. Look at England. You look at England. My economics teacher said the whole system of world enterprise... Never mind about world enterprise. We're starting a new system. From now on, nobody in this family borrows or lends anything. Is that clear, Bud? Yes, Dad. I want you to go into the den and take every book out of the bookcase. You mean now? Now. You're going to find Joe's Algebra book before you do anything else. You mean I can't even eat breakfast? We'll call you when breakfast is ready. Now go ahead. Holy cow. Betty? Yes, Father? Get Janie on the phone and tell her what I said. You'll get that whole mess straightened out. But, Father... Or maybe you'd rather go without dates for the next month. Jump and creepers. All they fuss about won't look here. Kathy? Yes, Daddy? I want you to get a piece of paper and a pencil and write, I will not borrow or lend one thousand times. A thousand? Janie. One thousand. Now go into the living room and get started. Dear, that'll take her the entire weekend. Good. It'll keep her out of trouble. I didn't put the bicycle in the basement. We'll discuss that later. Go ahead, Kathy. Janie. Honey, this is a major problem and we can't cope with it any other way. Borrowing is a very bad habit. You know that. Of course, dear. Just a second, honey. I'd better see who's at the door. Bud's right in the den. I want him to keep looking for that book. I'll get it, Bud. Okay, Dad. Have you gotten Janie yet? Not yet, Father. They're calling her. Don't forget what I said. Yes, Father. Get this family straightened out if it's the last thing I do. Hello, Heck. Hiya, Jim. Come on in. What are you doing up so early? Oh, I've got some things to do. Had your breakfast yet? Oh, sure. Say, Jim, you know that pump sprayer you've been using? You mean you want it? Well, you see, I've got to set out a whole bunch of tomato plants. Hello, Janie. Betty. Let's go into the living room. What for? I've got to get those plants put in. If I fool around here all morning, I'll... I've got to tell you something. I don't want you to tell me anything. Just give me the sprayer and let me go home, huh? But that's what I want to tell you. I will not borrow... I've just gone through a whole thing with my kids about not lending things to... 24. Oh, uh, how are you doing, Kathy? Daddy, can't I do it by fives? Just keep riding and we'll discuss it later. How's your back, Mr. Smith? My what? Uh, uh... I don't want to go into the dining room, Meg. I don't want to go into the dining room. All I want is the sprayer. Hector, I'm trying to explain. Will you come into the dining room with me, please? I don't know. I ask you a perfectly simple little thing. But it isn't simple, Heck. An hour ago it would have been, but not now. I just finished a big speech about... Bud, what are you doing in the dining room? I didn't have any place to put the books in the den, so I'm bringing them in here. Well, take them back into the den. I haven't found the algebra book yet. Jim, are you going to give me the sprayer or aren't you? Heck, let's go out into the kitchen. No! But, Heck... Bud, go back to the den. That's right. Good grief. Jim, if you don't want to give it to me, say so. But stop dragging me all over the house. I wasn't dragging you, Heck. I'm merely trying to explain. Are you going to give me the sprayer? Look, let's go out into the garage. Just answer, yes or no? When you put it that way, Heck, I've got to say no. You see, I just... Okay, okay, if that's the way it's going to be, that's it. But, Heck, and just wait until you want to borrow something from me again. That's all. Just wait. Heck, if you'll only listen to me... Heck! I don't know. I can get into the worst jams. What is it, dear? Is anything wrong? Everything's wrong. Hector wanted to borrow the sprayer. I couldn't lend it to him in front of the kids. Why not? Margaret, I just got through giving them that long lecture about not borrowing or lending. I know, dear, but the sprayer belongs to Hector. Well, it looks as though Father's campaign against borrowing was pretty much of a mistake. Still and all, ladies, there are many things about which the man of the house never makes a mistake. And that's especially true of coffee. For your husband is the world's greatest coffee expert. Yes, that man you married is an authority on truly good coffee. Now, it's a fact that more people buy and enjoy Maxwell House coffee than any other brand. And that kind of makes us experts, too. But when you brew the coffee for that man of yours, why, he's the only expert you listen to. And tomorrow, if you'll fill his cup with Maxwell House, we're certain you'll see your husband's biggest smile and hear him say, Now, that's what I call good coffee. Yes, that's what you hear. In fact, we'll return your money if you don't. The point is, no coffee tastes like Maxwell House because no coffee's made like Maxwell House. That grand good to the last drop flavor can come only from one recipe, a recipe that demands certain choice coffees blended just so. And that recipe belongs to Maxwell House alone. That's why I say, serve your husband our Maxwell House. If he doesn't say best coffee ever, well, simply send us the can and unused portion, and we'll gladly give you back every penny you paid. Our address is right on every familiar blue tin. Tomorrow, then, put it up to your coffee expert. Let your husband enjoy our Maxwell House coffee. Always good to the last drop. It's an hour later in the White Frame House on Maple Street, and breakfast is a thing of the past. Not so, however, is Father's dilemma. What do you say to a friend to whom you've refused the loan of his own sprayer? It's quite a problem, isn't it? Look, Hector, after all, we're only human. I mean, people make mistakes, and Hector, why not let bygones be bygones? You forget about the sprayer, and I'll forget. Well, what have I got to forget? Dad. I am in the den, bud. I don't want to bust in on anything, Dad, but where is he? Who? Mr. Smith. How do I know? Weren't you just talking to him? Bud, would I be talking to someone if he wasn't here? Oh, somebody was talking to somebody. Bud. Hmm? Did you want to see me about something? Oh, you know where Joe's algebra book was? His mother was using it. Ellen Phillips was using an algebra book? To press flowers. Oh, I just wondered. I told you I gave it back to him. I'm sorry, bud. I apologize. Very humbly. That's okay. Try to be a little patient with me today. I'm in a spot with Mr. Smith, and I don't know what to do about it. Want to talk it over with me, you know, man-to-man? All right, son. You know what happened. You mean about the sprayer? Yes. What would you do in a case like that? Well, give it back to him. Naturally, I'm going to give it back to him, but what am I going to say? Why don't we sneak it into his garage and tell him it was there all the time? Bud, that isn't honest. Oh, you want it to be honest. Of course. Then what's the problem? All you have to do is tell him the truth. But it sounds so ridiculous. Well, what difference does that make? You always tell us and nobody can get mad at you if you tell them the truth. Don't you? Thank you, bud. Well, that's what you told me when I was... I mean it, bud, very sincerely. Sometimes the father gets all tangled up and forgets. It's nice when he has a son who remembers. What did I do now? You've got me headed down the right road, that's all. I'll call Mr. Smith right now. Betty got all straightened out with her girlfriends. That's fine. Except Marion Swift loaned the bracelet to her sister, and she won't be back for two weeks. Then how could they straighten it out? Marion's going to lend Betty some earrings that belong to her sister. But that's exactly what... Oh, hello? Heck? Yeah? This is Jim Anderson. What do you want? Heck, I want to apologize. I've had that sprayer in my garage so long, I thought it belonged to me. Is that so? Well, I bought that sprayer. I know, Heck. It's yours. I made a mistake. I'm sorry. I apologize. What more can I say? Heck, we've been friends for too many years to let a thing like this come between us, haven't we? Need it just to keep it. Oh, no, Heck. It's your sprayer. I'll dump it in the back of the car and bring it right over. Dad. Oh, you don't have to do that. Jim, my car is right out in front of it. It won't take me two minutes. I've put you to enough trouble, pal. You stay right where you are, and I'll bring the sprayer over to you. Dad. Well, a trouble? Of course not. I'll have it there. Dad. Just a minute, Heck. But what's the matter with you? Mom had to go shopping, so she and Betty took the car. Oh, well. Heck. Hey, Jim. If you're sure it won't be any trouble, why don't you drive over and pick it up? Yeah. Okay, pal. I'll be waiting for you. Yeah. But suppose you run out to the garage and get the sprayer. Then we'll be ready for Mr. Smith when he gets here. Okay. It's hanging on a hook right next to the workbench. I'll find it. Well, I guess that takes care of that. How are you doing, kitten? Oh, there's her. Well, why don't you stop for a while? That was the general idea, wasn't it? Do you know it takes twice as long to make a B as an O? That's what you learn. And if I don't stop the eye or make a period, I save almost a whole second. You, uh, didn't learn anything about not borrowing or lending. I didn't. Kathy, what am I going to do with you? I was just about to tell you to stop. Dad, it isn't there. What? The sprayer's gone. What can't be? It was hanging right on the hook. But it isn't, Dad. It's gone. Now what am I going to do? He'll never believe that I've... But go next door to the Davis. I think Mr. Davis borrowed it. What if he won't give it to me? He'll have to give it to you. Tell him it isn't mine. Okay, Dad. Kathy. Yes, Daddy? Do you see what happens when you borrow things? It's nothing but trouble. How many times do you have to ride it? Uh, we'll go into that later. Anyway, I didn't get into trouble when I borrowed Patty's bicycle. I got into trouble when I didn't borrow it. Kathy, bicycles do not float into basements all by themselves. And if you persist in telling... Oh, my gosh, he couldn't have it. Who couldn't have what? Mr. Davis just bought a brand new sprayer. He wouldn't have to borrow mine. I mean, Mr. Smiths, Kathy, did you... Did I what? George Phillips. That's who it was. Kathy, run across the street to Mr. Phillips and tell him I've got to have that sprayer back. Immediately. Who's going to write, I will not borrow or lend? I'll write it for you, but tell Mr. Phillips I've got to have the sprayer. Okay, Daddy. Tell him I'll explain the whole thing as soon as I... That can't be. Hector, I talked to him two minutes ago. Hector. Hiya, Jim. What did you do, fly over? Well, I told you my car was right out in front. What's the matter? Uh, nothing. Go ahead, Kathy, and tell Mr. Phillips what I told you. Yes, Daddy. I'll tell him that you told me... Tell him, not me. Well, I wanted to tell you... Goodbye, Kathy. Well, how've you been, Hector? What's the matter, kid? You've been working too hard? Of course not. I was just... How would you like a glass of lemonade? I don't want any lemonade. Just give me the sprayer. The greatest lemonade you ever tasted in your life. Come on back to the kitchen. Jim, I got all those tomato plants laid out and I got to get... It won't take half a minute, heck. This is the greatest lemonade you ever tasted in your life. It's got a certain... Well, I've had a lot of lemonade in my time, but nothing like this. Okay, I'll buy a glass. What a sense of humor. You know, that's what I like about you, heck. Always ready to laugh and smile. Jim, all I want you to do... There we are. Well, go ahead, heck. Drink it down. Okay, here's looking at you. Happy days. It's not bad. It's just like, um, lemonade. What did I tell you? Dad. How about another glass, heck? Just give me the sprayer and let me go home. Go on, you've got to have another glass. Jim, please. Dad, Mr. Davis says he has his own sprayer. That's fine, bud. There you are, heck. Happy days. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Happy days. And he says if you're through with this cultivator, can he please have it back? I don't have his cultivator. He says you borrowed it last October. I gave it back to him the next... Wait a minute, now I remember. I was taking it over there and George Phillips borrowed it from me. Jim, bud, go over to Mr. Phillips and tell him that Mr. Davis needs his cultivator. But he says it's... Jim, heck, how about another glass of lemonade? I don't want any lemonade. All I want is... Daddy! Did you get it, kitten? Oh, no. And he says can he please have his whole back because it belongs to Mr. Woody? Jim, heck, yeah? Have a glass of lemonade. Jim, what's going on here? First I get pushed all over the house and now I can't get anything but lemonade. Do you want another glass? No, all I want is my sprayer. How about Mr. Woody's hole? Shall I take it over to Mr. Phillips and give Mr. Davis his cultivator? I don't know, heck. Jim! Well, we're in the kitchen, honey. Ask Bob to give us a hand with these bundles. I'll be right in, Mom. Hang on, I'm coming. Go ahead, Kathy, you can help, too. Don't you want me to get Mr. Woody's hole? No. Oh. Jim, I don't know. Sometimes I wonder whether... Hector, what are you doing over here? What am I doing? I'm drinking lemonade! Well, that's a fine thing. Elizabeth said you were going to set out all those tomato plants. Honey, look, Margaret, don't you think I'm having enough trouble? Hector, I can explain the whole thing. Up to a point. All I want is my sprayer. That's all I want. By Hector, Betty and I dropped it off at your house on our way to the market. Oh, no. You know, when you buy coffee this weekend, there's only one way to get the most for your money. And that's to choose the coffee with the most flavor. Now, your grocer carries one coffee, our Maxwell House, that's famous above all others for flavor. And you'll know why, first time you serve Maxwell House to the world's greatest coffee expert, your husband. Yes, ma'am, when he beams and says, best coffee ever, you'll know it's Maxwell House for flavor. Then just make a note of all the truly good cups of coffee you get from each pound. You'll find that penny for penny, Maxwell House is today's coffee buy. So, tomorrow, for the most in flavor for your money, take home the familiar blue tin with the big white cup and drop. That's Maxwell House coffee. Always good to the last drop. Now it's dinner time in the Anderson household, and everything is pretty much under control. Considering, of course, that it's the Anderson's. Like this. May I have my coffee, please? Of course, dear. Ethel Davis was simply horrified when the catty broke it herself, and she hid it in our basement. What'd she do that for? So she wouldn't get spanked. That's great. After you had to write, I will not borrow. Oh, I didn't mind. I learned a lot. And anyway, daddy gave me a quarter. Margaret. Here you are, dear. Thank you. Father, the girls finally got everything all straightened out. Good. We're just going to keep the things we've got. Fine. Look, honey. Here's a new booklet on highway safety, and it's full of the most amazing things. Listen to this. More than half of the pedestrians killed by motor vehicles last year were either violating a traffic law or committing an unsafe act. What do you think of that? I think it's awful. And listen to this. Nearly 9,000 pedestrians were killed in motor vehicle accidents in 1950. An average of 24 pedestrian deaths a day. How horrible. And most of them were killed by crossing streets between intersections. That's the most dangerous pedestrian act there is. Jim, where did you get that book? Oh, I borrowed it from... May I have the cream and sugar, please? Yes, Father, dear. Thank you. Hurry, hurry, hurry. Step right up today for brand new crinkles. Candy-kissed rice. It's twice as nice. Crinkles, the sensational new sugar-coated rice. Yes, sir, the whole family will have a circus eating crinkles because candy-kissed rice is twice as nice. Just add milk or cream and eat. No sugar needed. Crinkles are the quick energy treat for snack time, too. Crinkles, the newest post-serial. Get candy-kissed rice crinkles today at your grocer. Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry. Join us again next week when we'll be back with Father Knows Best. starring Robert Young as Jim Anderson with Roy Barkey of the Maxwell House Orchestra. In our cast where Ted Donaldson is buzzed, Tune Whitley, Rhoda Williams, Norma Jean-Dillson, Herb Bygren and yours truly, Bill Foreman. So until next Thursday, good night and good luck from the makers of Maxwell House, America's favorite brand of coffee. Always good to the last drop. Father Knows Best was transcribed in Hollywood and written by Ed James. Now stay tuned in for Dragnet, which follows immediately over most of these stations. For more good times, stay tuned for Dragnet on NBC.