 So sometimes they'll just come in the room and just sit with me for like an hour or two and nobody's saying nothing. That's dope. And you know, we just there and I used to have pictures of my family and I'd go through all the pictures of just her and like, I can't believe this. She right here. She smile, she happy. She gone. And these would drive me crazy, but it's just like, I don't know. I just felt like I was like, when she came to me in a dream one time, I ain't never gonna forget. And in that dream, I won a million dollars, look like a chick. So the people was like, I want a million dollars and I seen her and I dropped the chick. I was like, I don't care about them. I want you. And she say, no, you got to be strong and stay strong, pick up that chick and take their money and whatever the case. I was like, no, I ain't stand no chick. I mean, it's like in my sleep, like I can feel her hug me like, like I kind of felt her like over me. I've been there. And like, and it woke me up and I'm like, tear I'm like, I've been the same dream exact same dream. I was like, damn, I just felt the hook, like touch me like, but like, I want me out of my sleep. Yeah. Me too. And it's like, but I felt the spirit. I was like, I believe that dreams, all dreams have meanings. They all have a meaning. They all come to you for a reason. Maybe that time in your life, you needed that. Yeah. Like her telling me to be strong, you know, cause I it didn't really matter here in it from anybody else, nobody else, but here in it from her, it was like, okay, like I can do this. Like, I can fight through it. And it's like, like doing that period of time, I ain't gonna lie. I don't think about doing some crazy stuff like we're like, I was like, I was just on, on, on go, but everybody in that dorm knew. So they was just like, you know, little bro, like, cause it was Sunday's, like, I'm telling you, like I didn't sleep, like I probably get like an hour nap, wake up and I'm up all day. Yeah. And like, I ain't eating. Like it was like a whole, excuse me, it was like a whole week I ain't eat. And like, people like, bro, you got to eat. You got to do this. I'm like, I ain't got no appetite. Like, y'all, they, they were, it was someone like, bro, I get it. I lost a person like that person, but you got to, you got to shake it. Huh? Shake it. They was like, oh, we don't mean it like that. But bro, you got to take care of yourself, you know. That's what they would want. Yeah. So let me ask you a question. Cause whenever, you know, of course I'd never experienced what you've been going through or what you went through, but being locked up and hearing that. Is it a case where, you know how you, you know it's true, but you really don't want to hear it in the now until you actually come out and see that she's really not there. And that's key. Cause it's like, you know, from being locked up and being in jail and prison and stuff, and you know, they really not really there anyway, right. But you can call every nine days. So it was just like, it was not, it was just like, okay. So I can't call her. Right. So eventually that's what I made myself believe, like, you know, so I just can't call her right now. Yeah. So God damn. So when I finally got home, you know, I wanted to talk about that, like coming home to a whole different situation than what you left. Right. How was that? I mean, coming back into it was like society, like leaving, you know, and like, you know, I was locked up when I was 19. I got out when I was 22. So, you know, just leaving from that, like I had both my parents, I had like a life and your grandpa set up your granddad. You know, he played a big role in my life too. So it's just like coming back, you know, like when by the time I lost dad, I was already numb. So it's like it, nothing didn't phase me like no more. So I was like, I was just stone cold. Like, it's like, OK, it is what it is by that time. So by the time I came home, I was, I was happy to be home. But that's when it started to hit me like, like, damn, like, OK, like I'm expecting to come home and these are people that I want to see. They would embrace you. Yeah, they would like, like we all could have grabbed each other and cried together. They would pick you up. Yeah. So, you know, but it was my brother, my girl that at that time, my brother, girl and two of my aunts and stuff. So on. So on. Well, like when they came to pick me up and I was walking out the gates and stuff, you know, I was happy to see them. And, you know, he was like, damn, you know, I'm free. Like, but it's like I'm free. And, you know, my day ones, I hear on my day one out. So so, you know, like I changed clothes. We went and got food and stuff. And, you know, they took me to the graves like to see my mom. And and I ain't gonna lie. I really didn't have no feeling like you already done went through so much. Like, it's like I was there. I looked at that ground for about two minutes. I was just like, all right, come on, so I'm ready to go. And that was like, you good? I'm good. Because my mind, I was I was my heart is, you know, stone cold, it was already stone cold because I had to lose that. So I would know. So she out of there, I'm like, I'm good. Like, don't nothing faze me. But after being home for a period of time, that's when it started hit. Start affect you. It's like, oh, shit, like they really not here. Like they really gone or this and that. And then that's when a little envy start to kick in. Like, I see people older than me, 40s and 50s. And they parents, I'm like, man, I'm familiar. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, why me? Like, you know, these four old and they got they parents, they parents. They're here. And the first thing that everybody do is blame God. No, I'm not. I'm just like, why me? You know, I'm like, I'm like, I ain't never been no bad person on my parents. When bad people, you know, we help people, we love people. We know my dad, my mom didn't laugh people. I'm just like, why? So, you know, and I see kids with they parents and stuff and babies and stuff. You know, I ain't like that. I'm like, man, what the what? I'm like, and crazy thoughts start going through my head. Like, you know what? I say, I, I, I really just want people to see how I feel. I was like, I want to do some do something to everybody so everybody can see how I feel. You know, yeah.