 Have you ever thought if a man misses you, that it might actually mean he genuinely cares about you, that he might actually be in love with you if he genuinely misses you? Have you ever thought that? And have you ever thought of ways to make a man miss you so you can create this opportunity for him to care? Well, interestingly enough, this morning I was reading one of my YouTube comments from one of you lovely folks out there, which I wanna thank you. My almost 100,000 subscribers, thank you so much. And she sent me a video from a contemporary, I don't even like calling them contemporaries, but another dating coach, with a video about how to make a man miss you. And as I was listening to this, I have to be candid with you. I was practically going to vomit. I was so saddened to hear this is the general advice given out there and I wanna lean into some of the things he shared so we could talk about it and understand what genuinely makes two people really care for one another. Okay, what two people care for one another. And I want you to stay till the very end because this is really important content we're gonna cover today. So I'm gonna put on my trusty glasses. I pull up my notes right there. How to make a man miss you. You've never heard this before. So what he says, interesting enough, is the first line he says is play hard to get. Play hard to get, but don't do it in a manipulative way. Well, if you're doing something contrary to the normal way you do something, well then there is a manipulation going on. So just the fact that, listen, if I'm a big proponent of being yourself, now if being yourself is a jackass, if being yourself is a pain in the ass, being yourself is victim consciousness, then I highly recommend working on oneself if your behavior is unattractive to other people, but more importantly, unattractive to yourself. So, but you should just be yourself. You shouldn't have to do something different to make someone watch you. I don't even like the terminology make, okay? But as he goes on, he lists, number two, men value scarcity. Don't make yourself too available. Well, look it. Yes, what human beings, do they really value scarcity? Is that really the case? I mean, how many of you have played, not played hard to catch, have been scarce, got the man was into you and then all of a sudden he disappeared? I don't think value actually comes from scarcity. I think value comes from what I'm gonna share in a few minutes. Okay, number three, he says every text message communication between you reminds him of you and he doesn't need to connect with you every day. It's like the difference between binge watching a show versus waiting once a week for a TV show. Now, I do believe way too much communication is one of the challenges today in relationships, the need for too much communication. By the way, I apologize for the noise in the background. I do believe that this incessant need for communication is unhealthy, but texting someone, cutting back on your text messaging to create a sense of missing someone isn't going to work. What really needs to happen is better communication and we'll talk about that in a moment as well versus the validation need for communication. Okay, number three, he said, or number four, he says cut back on social media activity that will freak him out and make him wonder what's going on in her life. Really, so you're just gonna, so that to me is such a manipulative game. If you have to change who you are to make a person like you, I mean really, what is this about? Missing is really because you want someone to like you. You want them to care about you. And the game, even the idea of missing someone is already setting yourself up for failure. So in his advice, cutting back on social media and make him freak out. Well, and I get, by the way, I've done that. I mean, when I say I've done that, I've witnessed women I've been with had all of a sudden cut back on social media and it does freak me out, but not in a good way. The issue is with me if I'm freaking out over that. And so you don't wanna, in other words, you don't wanna contribute to bad emotional behavior is what I'm suggesting here. Okay, number five, be really, really, really hard to get and always, and always actually be really, really, really, or busy, busy, busy, busy, okay? Listen, if someone is so busy that I can't actually spend time with them, I lose interest in a nanosecond. A healthy relationship is where, by the way, most of the couples I know in healthy relationships, shortly after they began dating, they started to spend two to four times a week together doing stuff together, okay? So if you're all of a sudden busy and you can't invest time in the relationship, I'm gonna lose interest. Healthy human beings will lose interest. The unhealthy human beings will chase and chase and we'll talk about that as well. Number six, he says if you give him what he wants, he'll lose interest and occasionally, so that's one, if you give him what it wants, he'll lose interest and occasionally tell him no and use reverse psychology by negging him. And negging is a reverse psychology method of just saying, you know, you don't really look too good today, like being negative, negging, being negative. And I'm listening, so these are just some of the examples is out there, okay? And I'm like, this is just such bad advice. I don't, well, not bad advice. Okay, it's advice that works on emotionally unhealthy people. Let me be clear, it's advice that works on emotionally unhealthy people. And I can understand why people might wanna do that. And I actually believe, oh, I forgot my charts. I forgot my charts. I actually believe that most people are emotionally dysfunctional, okay? And I'm gonna talk about that in a second as well. So he also says men, or I'm gonna profess here, men want, I think he said this, men want what they can't have, but here's the thing about the chase, and he was talking about the chase, but he didn't say this. For the man who gets off on the chase, who gets off on, the men who actually get off on the chase, once he's caught you, he's done anyway. So this whole narrative about chase is just a bad strategy. It only temporarily works on users and spenders. And if you're not familiar with my chart on users and spenders, there's basically three types of men actively dating. I forgot my charts. And those are roughly the users. Those are the love bombers and the players. That's about 20% of the population. Then there's the spenders. They want companionship, connection, and copulation with your sex. But they're not really wanting, they're not really ready for a committed relationship and they have no direction in their mind of where they wanna go. That's about 60% of the population. And this is just my opinion. And then roughly 20% of the men are the growers and the builders. These are men who genuinely want commitment. They wanna grow with somebody. And I know, ladies, you're all looking for that 20%. But how do you find that 20% in the sea, in the sea of the other 80% who are dysfunctional and really not commitment-oriented? Well, that's where I come in. Listen, if you need some help with that, schedule a free discovery call with me. Check out the link below to see if working with a coach is right for you. My area of expertise is to teach you how to vet for those men who are growers, who are builders, those commitment-ready men, those emotionally available men. And basically what I teach you is how to ask the right questions based on your personality, your personality. How to ask the right questions to determine if this person is a user, a spender, or a growing. So check out the link below. All right, by the way, if this is contents resonating with you, please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Also, please hit that subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. So I wanna talk about the challenge with dating today. And one of the challenges with dating today is that we're meeting total strangers. We're meeting total strangers. There's very little trust built in the process today, okay? And this is why most people, if you're familiar with my relationship iceberg chart, and that says in an iceberg above the waterline, the top part is chemistry. That's what we notice first. What most humans forget to remember is that what's really important for compatibility is shared values, blendable lifestyles, and emotional maturity. That's far more important in a relationship. The other challenge in dating today is that we know because we're meeting strangers, we no longer are meeting people within our tribe. And one of the benefits of meeting people in our tribe is that there was something known as tribe accountability, tribe accountability. So think back in the fifties, if a young boy wanted to date a young girl, but that young girl had a big brother. I'm your big brother. And that big brother had a shotgun at that, pointed at that guy's face on the first date and says, what's your intentions with my sister? There was a level of accountability that existed 50 or 60 years ago. And today, because we're connecting through these mediums, because through these devices, we are no longer actually connecting with people that we know and with our community around us, the community is actually what protected the individual. So today, most people don't live in a tribe environment, a family or community environment, and it's making it very difficult to actually feel a level of trust with someone, trusting that they won't ghost, trusting that they won't disappear, trusting that they won't be abusive, trusting they won't be belligerent to you. Because the reality is, we're dealing with a sea of dysfunctional human beings, real dysfunctional human beings, which I'll talk about that in a second. And number three reason why dating is such a challenge today is that the entry level for sex almost is non-existent. It used to be if a man wanted sex with a woman, he had to marry her, ultimate commitment. And that was partially because there was the fear of getting pregnant and who's gonna take care of the child. So because of birth control, that changed it for women. Listen, I am not here to suggest women shouldn't have the freedom to have sex whom they want with. But nowadays, it used to be called the three-date role if sex wasn't happening by the third date. Men would lose interest, isn't that sad? Isn't that just ridiculously sad a man would lose interest if they hadn't had sex with you by the third date? And the reality is these days, there really is basically the only commitment a guy has to make is buy a couple of dinners and tell you he wants a relationship. He can infer he wants a relationship when he's not even capable of being in a relationship. And ladies, you will fight that hook, line, and sinker. That's why if you follow my channel, you know, before you have sex with a guy, read the book, eight dates, read the book, eight dates together by John and Julie Gottman. Purchase two copies of this book. Begin reading this to determine if you're compatible with one another. And lastly, we are in a sea of dysfunctional human beings. The reality is, is roughly, if you know my emotional maturity relationship skills chart, I say roughly 20% of the population has clinical emotional mental health issues. And while I say 20% are relatively healthy, the vast majority of people, 60% or more, are dysfunctional in their relationship skills and emotional maturity. That's just the reality we're faced with. So here's the challenge. Everybody is seeking the grower and the builder and everybody is seeking the top 20%. So you're all wanting to go after that, which makes sense. That's what you want. The problem is how do you find the needle in the haystack? Again, that's where I come in. Check out the link below because I help clients find the needle in the haystack. So what's gonna make a man? I said earlier about missing. By the way, people should seriously stop expecting normal for me. We all know it's never gonna happen. Really quickly, my coffee mug says, coffee tastes better when shared because that's what I really wanna lean into for the last few minutes in this video. And when I wrote in my notes, I said the following. Instead of the idea of making a man miss you, I want you to consider the following. Experience mutual appreciation with one another. Experience mutual appreciation with one another. Do you realize when you appreciate someone, that is the truest form of desire to be in relationship when you actually, when you have physical attraction and appreciation, that's all. I mean, on some level, that's all you need for the most, I mean, you need emotional maturity. Which, by the way, emotional maturity is so, so hugely important. And again, we're in a sea of dysfunctional human being. Women as much as men. Okay, I know ladies, you think it's all men. You guys are just as bad. You're no picnic out there. Men are complaining about women. Women are complaining about men. You guys are going in the wrong direction. You should be focused on your own individual empowerment. So what's it gonna take to create that appreciation? What's that look like? Well, I'm gonna give you about five or six examples to really lean into how to make a person genuinely appreciate you. And number one is good communication skills and good conflict resolution skills. If you haven't read the book, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg, I highly recommend this checking it out. By the way, it should have been called Compassionate Communication. Most men and women, and you guys are no, you're not great at this ladies as much as you think you are at good communication. So I highly recommend checking this out. Number two is a level of patience and understanding. I mean, we are in a society where the tolerance level is like this, I mean, literally when someone says something you don't like, you're off to the next person. You're ghosting, you're disappearing, you're acting angry. I'm telling you, patience and understanding of the fact that humans are flawed, are flawed and we should have a lot more compassion and empathy instead of judgment and lack of tolerance. That's just my opinion anyway. Okay, number three, generally agreeable, generally agreeable versus complaining or disagreeable, complaining. I gotta tell you, the victim consciousness, the victim culture that's going on today is ruining society. It's ruining the dating, mating and relating process because people spend more time complaining. I read complaint after complaint and then, listen, I understand you might have had a narcissistic man in your life or you had abuser in your life, but then every time you write it down in a comment, you're reliving the trauma. You're stuck in a trauma loop and nobody is attracted to people that are stuck in a trauma loop even if they haven't met you yet. Listen, I want you to think about this. If you're stuck in your trauma loop, they haven't met you yet. Your coming and your belief is once you meet them, you'll stop the trauma loop. Good luck with that one, cause that doesn't work. This is why I invite you to read a book by Bernay Brown called The Gifts of Imperfection. Highly recommend reading her work so you can avoid this trauma loop. And by the way, read my book. What the heck is self love anyway? The journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. All the books I recommend are listed below. Highly recommend reading my book as well. Number four, be fun, outgoing and spontaneous. Ladies, I am sure you're attracted to men who are fun, outgoing and spontaneous. So wouldn't it make sense that you would want to be the same person? And yet many of you are living in the delusion that you're this perfect human being. And I gotta tell you something. And by the way, myself included. I have no problem, I mean, I've certainly had my share of being righteous and delusional in the world. And yet I witnessed this over and over again. Look, you are no princess. You are no queen. Don't make yourself out to be better. You are just a human being like the rest of us doing the best you can. So rather than acting special like you deserve to be the queen and treated like the queen. How about living up into your empowerment? Instead of thinking of yourself as a queen, how about thinking of yourself as a bitch? If you haven't read the book, Why Men Love Bitches, this is an empowerment book to be empowered. And one of the things she talks about is not being the queen. By the way, bitch stands for babe into total control of herself. Yes. Listen, also having a healthy body, a healthy mind and an attractive appearance. Listen, I gotta tell you something. As many people age, they let themselves go. I mean, it's not fun being in the dating apps, looking at what's out there, men and women alike. They literally have let themselves go from a health perspective, a mind perspective and a physical perspective. Look, I gotta tell you, when I swipe on dating apps, I can't begin to tell you the crappy photographs I see. And then I'm thinking to myself, are these women, are they really thinking that they're going to attract men? I mean, I gotta tell you. Well, anyways, I'm looking at my app right here. So, all right, number five or six. Financially have their life together, have their act together, okay? That's what makes you want to appreciate someone, someone who has their financial act together. Ladies, you want that, we men want the same thing. We don't wanna meet women who are in debt. Okay, you've got ladies always talk about, I don't wanna be a nurse or a purse. So guess what? We don't wanna be a doctor and a sugar daddy, okay? So just having your life together means simply you're able to pay your bills, okay? Simple as that. And lastly, and this is the most important one. I call it independent energy versus dependent energy. Independent energy versus dependent energy. Sadly, most of you ladies have been indoctrinated throughout history, it's biological, it's instinctual that you've been dependent upon men for survival. And for the first time in history, you can actually mostly take care of yourselves out in the world. And that past dependent energy makes it literally, you are dependent on men and you're literally act like by because you desire men to be the leaders of the relationship and I'm here to say, you're giving the job to the wrong person. You are in charge of your relationship, Destiny, not the guy. So when you come at it from an independent energy perspective, not a dependent energy perspective, this is highly attractive to healthy men, okay? Narcissistic men want dependent women. Spender men, dysfunctional men want dysfunctional dependent women. All the unhealthy men want dependent women. Independence, meaning your self-worth, your self-esteem, your self-confidence, your self-reliance. In other words, you are in love with yourself enough that you're not dependent on the man to love you when many of you are suckling on the nipple of I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. And when you can let go of the need for someone to love you to feel good about yourself, you are on your way to finding that relationship with them, genuinely appreciate you and you don't need to make him miss you to spend time with you. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know by saying, yes, I agree with this, Jonathan. Post a comment below. Let me know if you like my shirt, my coffee mug, all that I shared today. All right, listen. If you find value in my work, please share this with friends. Please hit that like button. Again, please join, follow me on YouTube as well. And I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, giving myself a big, gigantic Jonathan Bear hug of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone. A pat, a teddy bear, a pillow, and give, oh, here's a teddy bear and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. And if you wanna make a man miss you, you might wanna try what I suggest in this video. All right, thanks everyone, wishing you a fantastic day. Bye now.