 Your coca-cola botler presents Claudia based on the famous play and novels by Rose Frankin Brought to you transcribed Monday through Friday by your friendly neighbor who bottles coca-cola Relax and while you're listening refresh yourself have a coke and now Claudia Hey, they're rolling up the gangplank. Why oh baby. Didn't see the most beautiful ship. Mm-hmm proud majestic Queen of the Seas Big and so enormous. I don't see how she stays afloat. Oh Jesus a matchstick amazing the things they do today I close your mouth and open your eyes dog. See if you can see hardly in Julia any place. I don't see one face I know anywhere. I hope we don't miss it. I don't see how we can they have to come down the gangplank, don't they? Well, not if there's a more distinguished and aristocratic way of doing it. Julie would prefer it And that's a fine way to talk about your only brother's wife a stranger Think you didn't like Julia. You don't happen to be a stranger. Well, if I were I certainly get the wrong idea I don't know why you don't like to admit you like to know I admit it You just got an excellent head on her shoulders She knows more about stock markets and any broker on Wall Street. That's not saying so much She's smart and fundamentally. She's got a very good heart. She's much nicer than you make a sound. I like Julia Good good. I just happen to prefer my women dumb stubborn and cute. I can't help. Oh, thank you so much And you are cute, you know it Hat falling down over one hour Let me your hand haven't you ever got one. It is not large enough for what for waving Anything else you'd like to know for the mere loan of a mere hand. Yes, who are you going to wave at? Who do you think who'd I come all the way down to Connecticut to meet at this boat? But you just said you couldn't see hardly in Julia. I'm going to wave a hand to find general principles general who? What if they can see me if I'm not waving they'll be very offended Right here wave to your heart's content, but don't tire yourself. Oh, this is so exciting. So glad we came Beautiful romantic someday we'll have to travel there. Where is there all the places that son makes me think of of course Oh, of course Well a gang planks in place you ought to be coming down at any time now much as you pretend you're excited to you are Who's pretending I didn't realize I missed Julian Hartley till this minute you won't miss them for long David I don't know why but now I feel like crying look at all the people coming home. Look at their faces No, I'm not so sure after all I would like to go away. Well, you can't come home if you haven't left it Oh, that's why you're wrong I come home every evening when I see you again darling hold on to my hand tight I don't want to lose you in this crowd. You won't lose me ever You see him David. No No, not yet other people are seeing other people. I know you think Julie will be surprised I think so and pleased to But we won't hang around Julia isn't going to have much time to spend with us once she's off the boat Why not? Oh, she'll have to check her baggage through the customs inspector before so he can see what foreign goods She's bought and is bringing into the country. Oh, what is that make to him? Oh, a lot of difference. It's a duty to pay on everything you bring into the country over a hundred dollars Honestly government sticks his nose into everything these days That's what it's for a lot of nonsense as far as I can see who'd want to bring in a lot of stuff Not me. I hate packing you hate spending money too, so we'd be safe You know the trouble with most dollars is you can tell they've been made by men Men don't do the packing so they suspect all sorts of things I'll bet you I'll bet you Julia hasn't got a thing to declare to the customs inspector. All right. I'll bet you on that But for me, I try and get away with everything you wouldn't dare. Oh, yes Just don't you ever try it here David there they are now where where she right right right there on the deck see on the right They're just getting on the game. I see them. I don't think they see us He's gained some weight. Is it his son burn both? I think David shout me They're here. I will not shout and I'll shout you will not this is the sort of place Where it's perfectly permissible to raise one boy Yoo-hoo Julia, I'm embarrassed to be seen with you. Come on stuffy shout a little bit. Do you good? Julia, hello even Julia shouting. Yeah, here hang on to my coat darling. I'll push through this one. Oh, we're too glad we came down to the boat Oh, excuse me. Yeah, I always intended to be half as much fun without me. Would it David? Sorry not half Good to see you. Oh, you look wonderful so well so rest. I'm exhausted. It's been so hectic Hello, Julia and David you're angels to come all the way down here. Just a meter. We got your cable this morning We just couldn't resist you've been gone so long months months. Where's hardly he's disappeared Oh, he's gone with a porter to set up the luggage Dreadful customs inspectors gonna start rummaging through my things. I wouldn't let them if I were me I mean if you were me, I mean if you One of the necessary evils of coming home, I think you're being very nice about it personally I hate people going through my things especially a strange man. I think Claudia is a born smuggler And Hartley thinks I do you men just don't understand us. Oh David you look fine too. Oh, there's hardly now Hartley hello Why you're even nicer to see than the Statue of Liberty. Hello, Harley. We certainly missed you have a good trip You're looking fine fine both of you being farmers agrees with you If you're glad I hadn't bother you at all Let's not discuss that now you stay right here in the pier with us We'll not be very long and then we'll all go back to house and have a long talk Here Claudia sit down. You can sit down on my trunk. Oh, I'm fine standing But you'll get tired. Oh bother telling her anything. It's a lost cause Let her alone both of you Claudia looks as if she knows how to take perfect care of herself I really missed you. You know, you're the only man. I know who acts as if women had brains That's because Hartley is married to junior. Oh, he shouldn't draw concludes ouch ouch my ankle. Oh, did I kick you darling? Have you flagged the customs inspector Hartley? There's to be along my dear and I do wish you to mend your declaration I've declared plenty. What's a declaration? I told you it's the form you fill out telling what you're bringing back that you bought abroad. Oh Well, if you do that why do you have to look through your bags too because some women don't declare everything They think it's daring and clever to try and get away with a few things no matter how little it amounts to Oh, I'm sure I try and get away with everything over my dead body David. Don't talk like that Well, Hartley, what if they did find something in your trunk that you haven't declared you pay a tax on it? That's all. Oh Taxes taxes that's all people seem to be able to do with their money these days I can't see that a few dollars more tax should make any difference to our government. What's the use Hartley? They won't understand. I think they understand but they won't admit it admit what I don't know one woman who is gracefully Submissive in the face of laws and regulation. They just won't admit to a higher force I feel the same way about parking tickets. Don't you Julie exactly? When you've been married as long as I have David you'll learn that there's just a few things that make a woman feel superior One of them is being illegal That's wisdom. Oh look Hartley. There's old Mrs. S. Pinshide waving to me. I think I better go over and say goodbye The pleasure is all yours my dear. I'll only be a moment if the customs inspector comes call me Is there what time is it hardly just one o'clock? I better call my office and tell them I won't be back in class at lunch Claudia, you stay where you are. We'll be right back. I won't move. I'll guard these trunks of my life Mrs. Norton yes, yes, I'm Mrs. Norton and the customs inspector 43 Well, how do you do? How do you do all these trunks and felices? It says here eight pieces. Oh, yes, all these here Declaration here is very full Trunks open. Well, yes, they are. I think fine fine. I will start on this one here You mean you rump all through them sure do ma'am. How else am I gonna know what's in them things? Aren't you ashamed look ma'am? This is my job the government pays me to rumble through At least you can be more careful Don't you take anybody's word for anything? No ma'am. Oh particularly the ladies You and my husband, you know what the ladies? It's a game. They try to put it over on me Makes them feel good. So instead of asking I just rummage if you ask me I tell you the truth. Oh, yeah, sure. Sure. Yeah That's the trouble with you. You think everybody is dishonest not dishonest just sporting Now if I were to ask you is there anything in these here trunks that ain't on this declaration What would you say? I Say yes, no Huh? Oh Heaven knows what After all what does one go to power it's for but to buy things look you don't have to tell me that Go on look through these trunks, but I can save you an awful lot of time in the shoebag for instance That's a that's a wonderful place to hide perfumes. Now look madam You can pack one dress inside another without any trouble at all look here Who's leg do you think you're pulling? Nobody on and on look ma'am Nobody nobody in the history of this service here has ever seen anybody come out and confess things like that I don't believe a word. Just say it. Oh, you poor man. You've been disillusioned The fact you're telling me all these things. I know you ain't hiding nothing Look here to show you I'm a man of faith. I'll stamp your declaration and check you through. Oh That's sweet of you You see before my wife had a baby for a while. She couldn't tell a lie either She couldn't nah here Thank you. You're all check through satisfaction You the governor wasn't as nosy as some people say it is and I'm awfully glad to see that somebody Respects another person's word. Well. Goodbye ma'am. It's yours a pleasure doing business with him. I'll set it around a quarter Goodbye and thank you so much Everything fine David chunks have all been inspected everything so quickly and he didn't look at a thing I tried to tease him by saying these trucks are full of smuggled things, but he didn't believe me He said I had an honest face and that's all you see it's very simple. What did you say these trunks were full of all Perfume and shoebags dresses inside of dresses. I made it up as I went along brilliant you belong in jail David what is the matter with you making it up as you went along? You know perfectly well if that's where Julia put those three bottles of perfume. Well, that's what Hartley just told me Then I I then I've cheated the government. I committed a crime. I don't know why you sound so surprised You behave perfectly according to your sex. That's all That's the trouble with being a woman even when she smuggles not on purpose. It's held against me not on purpose David I wish we never come down to the boat to meet Julian. I'd you you'd be delighted it turned out But don't you understand now? I'll never be able to believe myself again because for once I thought I was honest Now I ask you can a woman make folks feel comfortable if she's all tied out from fussing over elaborate refreshments When people come over of an afternoon or evening to visit to play bridge or listen to phonograph records All you really have to do is to bring out ice-cold coca-cola You'll find that everybody enjoys the pause that refreshes and what's even more important you enjoy it, too Now what could be simpler bottle and opener are all you need then you can visit refreshed Mr. King I understand that my bags have been checked through and that they're perfectly all right Yes, Claudia had the customs inspector so befuddled he hardly looked through them From now on I'll trust Claudia with all my peccadillas, but only trust her when she doesn't know she's being trusted I hope she's not gonna worry about it. The whole difference is only about a dollar. I don't think she'll worry about it for long You know how it is, Mr. King Sometimes getting away with something no matter how little it is Well makes you feel a little Well, you know yes, I know my wife is exactly the same as is nothing so I understand good By the way, Mr. King, I have a surprise for Claudia a surprise now that I've told you that much I won't tell you anymore. You'll have to wait to find out what it is tomorrow I won't sleep awake tonight Mrs. Norton, but but I'll be here tomorrow to find out what it is and As I was about to say every day Monday through Friday Claudia comes to you transcribed with the best wishes of your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola So listen again tomorrow at the same time And now this is Joe King saying or a bar and remember whoever you are Whatever you do wherever you may be when you think of refreshment think of Coca-Cola or Coca-Cola makes any pause the pause that refreshes and Ice-cold Coca-Cola is everywhere This broadcast of Claudia was supervised and directed by William Brown Maloney and now here's a word from your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola