 Hi, I'm Agent Washington from the popular web series Red versus Blue. With games like Halo Infinite bringing more people than ever back into the world of first-person shooters, we at Blue Team have put together a little boot camp to teach you how to be better at an FPS. Hello, hardy sarcastic horror. Blue Team's been a bed-dropping like flies for years. Now you listen up, kids, and I'll teach you how to actually be better at a shooter. Sarge, we talked about this. Your spirit is appreciated, but this PSA is really meant to be by the book. I agree. By the book. My book. The Art of Conflict. How to keep a one-sided war going for way too long. Coming soon exclusively to brick-and-mortars. Hey, where'd you go? First things first, let's talk about moving around the map. When approaching a potentially hostile area, always proceed carefully and don't be afraid to post up and wait it out. North looks clear. Still no sign of where I left my gun, though. Gotta keep looking. Remember to always check your corners. Never, ever, ever stop to check anything ever. A good soldier avoids all distractions and keeps their eye on the prize. Right, men? This sucks. I don't know what this is accomplishing, sir. Anything other than full sprint ahead is camping. Camping is only acceptable if it's in a coming-of-age movie or you just really gotta drain the snake. Lesson two, always bring the right weapon for the job. And the right weapon is always a shotgun. If you're trying to pick off a target from far away, consider a sniper rifle. Or just run up on him and shoot him in the back of the brain box. Something with a high ammo capacity is best if trying to lay down suppressive fire. What's more suppressive than a shotgun blast to the upper-center midsection? If you're expecting air support, a rocket launcher is the obvious choice. Two words. Shot. Lesson three, communication. Open comms is key, so make sure you're delivering relevant information in a clear and concise manner. Okay, I'll go right. You go left. Okay, I'll go left. No! Oh, wait, you actually got it right. Going right. No! Left! You were so close! Con should be reserved only for intimidating the enemy using one of the following techniques. Playing really loud music is a form of psychological torture. Having a conversation with someone else in the room showing that you're so tough they don't even warrant your full attention. Or, if all else fails, chewing directly into the mic, wanting your superior jaw strings. I think they're going left. Can you see them? Yeah, I think so. Never mind, you fat-ass. Are you eating an entire five-course meal in there? I eat while I'm stressed! I thought that was clear by now! Fine, I'll deal with this. When in a gunfight, you want to aim for center mass, stay behind cover, and- Fire indiscriminately! Take that, Blue! What the hell is he shooting at? Oh, hey, Simmons. Have you seen my gun anywhere around here? You know, they say to retrace your steps, but I also lost all my paper. Next, jump around and try dodging their weak, bluish bullets. Oh, that looks like fun. What are you doing? Jumping and shooting with my fifth best friend, Simmons! Once about half your mag is out, that's when you whip out the grenade. Alley-oop! This is why I didn't want to play stupid baseball, Dad. Then follow all that up with a finishing melee that'll have them in the ground so fast it'll put the grave digger on unemployment! Oh, there's the gun. Ha! Suck it, Simmons! Oh, never mind. That was last week's. And if you actually follow that horrible advice, it's important not to be so hard on yourself. No one's perfect, and learning from your mistakes is- Impossible! If something didn't work the first time, chances are it'll work the second, and if not, then the third is a shoe in, and the fourth time's a charm, and the fifth is- There you are! Please stop confusing people! Oh, I bet you'd love that. You wet, safety blanket. Grif! Simmons! Blue has breached our defenses! Take him out! Sorry, sir, but your advice just lost a caboose. I think it's time to re-strategize. And subordination! I'll take care of you two once the intruder is brought before a jury of his peers! And by jury of his peers, I mean within effective shotgun range! Did you just strip on your own team's grenade and throw out your back out? No! I'm just, uh, shut up! You know you're supposed to pull the pin on those. That was not in the instructions. I panicked! Which brings us to our final lesson. None of this really matters. If you don't have teammates, you can rely on. Oh, there it is! You should really watch where you step. Tastes like buckshot.