 So at some point last year, after I had realized I had read three or four hundred personal development books, I was trying to figure out if someone asked me for the one piece of advice that would change their life. What would be the habit or the book or the piece of advice that I would give? And I sat around for a long time trying to figure that out, but in this video I want to share with you my conclusion what I think is the golden rule of personal development. What's up guys? Alex Hein, author of the book Master of the Day. Now the big thing for me with personal development is setting goals to improve your life. That's the foundation. So I've included the first link in the description is a one page goal setting worksheet. You'll also get a two or three week email course that'll help you build off of those principles and show you how to begin setting goals to improve your life. So you can check it out the first link in the description. So what is my golden rule of personal development? In my opinion, there is only one work. The work is with a capital W, capital T, capital W and the work is in understanding your own triggers in life. And here's your little affirmation. Your triggers will set you free. It's the triggers that are the path to self healing, which is more than half of the work to productivity to personal development until living a better life. There were two things that were very hard for me to ignore as I began coaching people. The first thing was that as I began reading books like Einstein's biography, Nikola Tesla, Teddy Roosevelt, all these people throughout history who are remembered because they did something incredible. I was shocked by how often masters love negative feedback, negative feedback. They don't love positive feedback. We're like, Oh, you're so genius. You're so smart. Masters love negative feedback because negative feedback shows you where you still have to grow and improve. And I was also struck by another thing, which is that in my weight loss coaching clients at the time, the number of people in this case women that told me that they were the weight they were because they were sexually abused, they had a deep emotional fear or trauma, and that being fatter was safer was undeniable. I mean, it came up constantly, things like that, deep emotional reasons. And so it made me kind of think like, how can we actually get fit with all this deeply ingrained emotional stuff that keep sabotaging us? So what does this have to do with your triggers and with reaching your goals? For me, the big triggers that ended up coming up were insecurities about my weight, because I was underweight my whole life. I got bullied for that. Every girl I dated commented on that my mom commented on that nonstop. And I used to be insecure about being a nerd. So a lot of the things I ended up doing in life were to prove dominance or to prove that I was not just a nerd. So I studied martial arts, lifting weights in the gym, acting dominant, being a douche, and so on. Now, whereas the first golden rule is that your triggers will set you free. The second habit or principle is in developing non reactivity. Because if you're non reactive, only then can you see the truth about what you need to improve or what you're really struggling at. And then you can begin the path to becoming better at life. You know, Anders Erickson, the founder of the 10,000 hour rule or the popularizer of it, what he found was that overwhelming these people that were really good at what they did wanted the critical feedback. They wanted the How did your sports performance suck today talk? How did your chess game suck talk? How did your medical treatment suck? These practitioners wanted that because that was the direct path to mastery. Successes don't lead you to mastery failures lead you to mastery, because then you can understand what am I not doing right? You know, if you're morbidly obese, if you're $100,000 in debt, if you're always single, if you're miserable, that's all the feedback you need. But our triggers are usually actually a shadow of the truth. You know, the reason why I hate it being so skinny was because I equated that with not being a man. And I equated that with every girlfriend I dated complained about me being so skinny, even though I was already in the gym doing something about it. And then my mom complained about it. And you have to think why is that really bothering me? What is that signal? And so for me, it's signaled, I'm not man enough, or that I couldn't like defend the woman, or it signaled like some aspect of weakness that might not even been true. But that's what I felt. That's why it made me feel emotional. Now, the third part of this golden rule of personal development is that non reactivity points to your core wounds in life, where you've been injured emotionally. There's a roomy quote that the wound is where the light enters. Because in a perfect world where we're all sages and holy people and clear internally, like someone could just say to me, Alex, you know what, you've gained 50 pounds lately, is everything okay? What's going on? Do you need some help? And I'd be like, you know what, this is what's going on. I got dumped. And then I realized that my mom's dying. And then all this stuff's going on. So I've been eating a lot of donuts and stuff lately. And then I would be not reactive. You can have a clear chat and talk about it. Or they could be like, you know what, you're really crappy in relationships, you treat all the women you date poorly on and on and on. And I'd be like, Oh, wow. And I realized that. Thanks for telling me that. Let's see what I can work on. Or hey, Alex, you know, dropping 500 a month on crack is probably not the best way to use your money, considering you only make 30,000 a year. Now here are some ideas on how we can, you know, pull back your crack addiction and maybe turn that into some savings, you know, lease a car. But the reality is, of course, humans are reactive. And reactivity points to wounds and emotions we haven't dealt with. So when I think of personal development is always how can I release the barriers to letting my life get more and more incredible? And the barriers are always one part emotional, and one part are actual habits. If I don't want to get in the gym, I'm not going to lose weight or get fit. If I don't want to deal with my discomfort with money, how am I going to ever have money? If I don't want to address my beliefs that all women are all men are all messed up, how am I going to get the relationship I want? So to me, the only work, the capital W, the golden rule of personal development is figuring out where the wounds are emotionally and dealing with them, because that is the that removes the friction to really creating a really exceptional life. Alright guys, so I hope that helps. Of course, the best way to get started with personal development is by doing goal setting challenges, worksheets and so on. The first link in the description is a goal setting worksheet. That's one way you can get started and plan out, map out your perfect year and what it takes to really get there, and you'll also get a couple of week emails on how to implement that in your own life. Cool? And of course, you can check out my last videos right there and right there.