 Does anybody have anything that they're Pressing with other than communication we can go into that How they've been expressing themselves for how they've been perceiving that Explaining that I really run it when I worked on Saturday night. I worked in the kitchen as part of my training garnishing the food before the waiters take it out and It was just so hectic there. I'm so busy on Saturday that Things don't run this movie the restaurant business, but just get that busy and so the waiters are you know yelling at the cooks or you know, yelling at you know other wait staff and you know Cooks yelling for managers or you know, just it was just there It seemed to be a very little teamwork involved and not a Kind of became broke down to every man for himself kind of thing and I Just was there trying to encourage people, you know giving them pads on the back and telling them we're doing great and But yet though I just there was a sense that I don't know if I want to just you know Stay in that environment for very long, you know Even if it's just you know for five months. I was just It's you know, it's not worth it to me for a few dollars, you know to You know, it was physically I was felt tired, you know standing in one place for that long and It's hot in there But I think all those things Could be overlooked so much more. There was just you know people just encouraging each other, right? Okay. Yeah So and to me it looked like you know The people were just trying to keep her head above water. I mean, it's like they The food didn't look it. You know, I just felt like you're just Tasha, you know They do these little onion fried on rings. They put those on the side. It looked like junk, you know I'm just you know throwing parsley on you know just for the sake of having some parsley on the plate, you know it was just all this seemed very phony and So that was one thing. I was just really having a hard time with that and Then I had another issue with Julia and Van she She got it there. I told her I brought them that turtle wax and Said I was gonna wax put a coat on and she wanted to wax the van too But she wanted me to wax the van sure I think she got it in her head that that would be you know What up my job? So that should be something that I should do to contribute it so I Made it clear to her that hey, I will wax the van with you, but You know, I feel like we're getting into expectations here and that van, you know It's a large vehicle and it would be very you know go a lot quicker if we had two people doing it. So She came out and did it but toward the end that was I brought up the issue that you know This van is big. It's gonna take more time to wax and maintain It's gonna be more costly to maintain. It's getting poor gas mileage and And I'm questioning do why do we really need it and she wouldn't go into it She says I don't have to answer that. I like the man and that's good enough And so I came frustrated that she wouldn't even talk about it And she said look, why should I talk about it? We're not gonna sell a van and I'm saying it's not about selling man I just want to talk about why you think you need it and so it kind of broke down then After I you know thought about it. I said, you know, I came back. I said I'm sure you know It's not about the man, but I'm feeling you know upset about something and it seems to be the man That is the focal point right now, but I think we need you know the bottom line is we need to be communicating and You know, we came together With the group and session and things, you know got a little bit better and we felt good but we we just stop here and And and say okay, well you're on a separate path I'm on this path and and we're just gonna live in this house and not communicate. I think things gonna break down again and So she seemed to Agree with that, but she's like I'm not gonna run to the you know to do that group every time You know, you think that there's a problem or so she she said she basically said she you know She didn't get anything out of sessions and you know, she doesn't She's not gonna she said the view, you know, if I'm not just gonna drop everything to go to a session. She said, you know, I Just wanted to talk about the man, you know, just to communicate, you know, my feelings I'm still feeling you know the sense of having to support something that I don't believe in Then you know, that's the need for that large of a vehicle. I have concerns that, you know You know, what if it gets in it if there's any kind of maintenance or whatever that it's gonna be more costly And I just don't feel comfortable that the resources are there and But I feel very more I think more frustrated with the fact that she doesn't You know really want to sit down and I don't I don't feel that it's really productive for us to sit down along because it It just doesn't you don't get anywhere. I was Again, I was over it very awesome. They were talking about the bodies the bodies and I already went into that Sicknesses and what causes it all this and I getting frustrated because I Think I know more than that, you know, but nobody wants to hear that still also frustrated that I can't demonstrate what the course says or Can't prove to anybody because I don't really And the way to prove to myself. I still be sick or at least my body seems to be sick Maybe we can talk about we keep coming back to Choice and we keep coming back to the lease and I talked about how you have to retrace the steps You know up the spiral to go back up and maybe we can talk more about the spiral what the what does what that spiral is and I think something's coming to mind from Beginning of chapter 24 is a good studying point 464 We can come at it from the whole control issue saying where maybe there seems to be in your case. There was a perceived control issue about waxing the van or Maybe There's control issues about other money issues or about things that work and so on and so forth and everyone seems to experience Control issues all the time. I mean they seem to take so many different forms and the ideas that Start out here in chapter 24 is it talks about decisions and it talks about beliefs and There's what we could just take the second paragraph on the section specialness as a substitute for love Actually, there's a couple paragraphs on that Opening page that are helpful. The first one we'll just go to is the the second paragraph of the The little introduction section to learn this course requires willingness to question every value that you hold Not one can be kept hidden and obscure, but it will jeopardize your learning No belief is neutral Everyone has the power to dictate each decision you make For a decision is a conclusion based on everything that you believe It is the outcome of belief and follows it as surely as does suffering follow guilt and freedom of sinlessness So all these decision points that seem to be you know, whether to go for a job interview or whether to send out a resume here or there or whether to Take this job or that job or to wax the van or not and take that the job as a chef or as a waiter or whatever You know, it's It's kind of humbling to start to think of all the seeming decisions in this world are just pseudo decisions it's kind of like a computer program where you where the beliefs are part of what's already been programmed in and Everything as far as the program running depends on what's been loaded in To the memory and the programs is running so it can seem a lot of times Like you feel like a chicken with your head cut off because it's like the program already seems to be loaded in and It already seems to be executed and running and even though there seems to be struggles about specific things that are taking place It's all just it's kind of like a robot a Decision is a conclusion based on everything you believe it everything that you believe in a given instant Determines the decision you make Decision can be as small as whether to put parsley on a plate of food or not Arbitrary It's like who cares there's parsley on the plate. Yeah in one sense It's it's total determinism a lot of times people have said well the environment seems to determine what I do But but we're going much deeper. We're saying that the belief system determines what you do every incident and so the control issue which seems to be between persons or between you know Conflicts that are on the surface really is the first belief that it was taken seriously was the belief in separation from God and then after that just tons of substitutions have been like layered on to that to try to to Compensate or to try to Alleviate the guilt of that first belief so there's like stacks and stacks and stacks and stacks and To me when I started getting to this deeper and deeper. I started to wonder I Started the sense that I wanted to be totally free of it all but I thought how will I be free of it as long as I'm in Relationships the way I perceived them. I mean I I perceived whether you talk about You know parent-child relationships or husband-wife relationships boyfriend-girl relationships Employee or employee relationships. It just seemed like there was control involved in every one of those or your friendships or even friendships and To me it's been helpful to start to see well. I've just Constructed this world in which I believe I'm this person or this body and I believe I'm in all these kind of relationships with a lot of different situations and places and things and That that's all just made up based on all these beliefs that I hold on to So to me it became a really apparent. How can I be totally? Integrated how can I have a total sense of integrity if I have to answer to anything or anyone on the screen? Whether it's the United States government whether it's a husband or a wife whether it's boyfriend or girlfriend whether it's parent or whatever how can there be total Integrity as long as There is seems to be a dependency or there seems to be some reliance on persons places things that are on the screen so Right away you can see I think as I saw initially like wow, this is going to really take a thorough Examination of everything in order to unplug from that. How can I participate in the world? as if I'm a part of the world and Be back be free of the world you can't There's no reconciling mind with Playing a game playing a role there So everything we talk about is going to be Again, just questioning the beliefs that one has about the world and oneself the beliefs that you hold about the world and The beliefs that you hold about yourself