 As-Salaam-Alaikum. Welcome to Virtual University. Last time we looked at the different types of sentences, simple, compound and complex. In today's lesson, we will focus on writing effective sentences by looking at issues like unity, coherence and emphasis in a sentence. What is it that makes sentences effective? There are three elements which make for effectiveness in sentences. And those are unity, coherence and emphasis. By unity, we mean that every part of a sentence or a composition, it must contribute to one main unifying thought. And by coherence, we mean that the various parts of a sentence must follow one another in an order which makes their relationship clear. It is the way the sentences follow one another that makes for coherence. And by emphasis, we mean that the most important parts of a sentence must be so placed that attention is directed toward them rather than less important parts. When we talk about emphasis in a sentence or a composition, we mean that the most important parts of a sentence or a composition must be so placed that attention is directed toward them, the important parts, rather than toward the less important parts or parts. Now we look at unity first. A good example of unity is that now we look at unity first. A good sentence should have unity. That is, it must express one main idea. Although a sentence may contain more than one fact, all the facts must relate to the main idea. Example, take this sentence, the models were all dressed in the latest fashions and many of them are unemployed. Now this sentence is a good example of a sentence that lacks unity. This sentence does not have unity. Why? Because the first clause, the first part tells us about the model's clothing. While the second one mentions unemployment, the two different ideas don't belong together in one sentence. They should be stated in two separate sentences. And this sentence is a sample of a sentence that lacks unity. Now unity can be violated or disturbed in a number of ways. Number one, by combining unrelated ideas. Number two, by putting too many ideas or details in a single sentence. And number three, failure to complete an idea or grammatical construction. Number four, by subordination. And number five, by parallelism. Now I shall explain these as we move on, but remember, I have just counted five ways in which unity is violated. The first one, by combining unrelated ideas. And you have the example of this sentence. The students at the college use a great deal of abusive language and they are from all parts of the country. This is a classic example of the kind of sentences that our students write. Now the sentence is fine. There's nothing wrong with it grammatically. But it is not an effective sentence because the writer has gone and combined two totally unrelated ideas. Now the second way in which sentences violate the unity is that when you put too many ideas or details in a single sentence and that distracts the reader from the main thought of the sentence. Example, reading his daily newspaper that morning, standing at the crowded bus stop, the morning sun just lighting up the tops of the high-rise buildings and making the sleepy-eyed people shade their eyes, made a great impression on me. Now, what was wrong with that sentence? That sentence had too many details. It talked about the reading of the newspaper, it talked about standing in the crowded bus stop, it talked about the morning sun and it talked about the buildings and it talked about people being sleepy-eyed, etc., etc. and all in one sentence. That is a sample of a badly written sentence. The third mistake that writers often make, especially students, is that they fail to complete the construction, they fail to complete the idea or the grammatical construction. And such sentences are the result of carelessness on the part of the writer who thinks that the reader, the reader will have no objection to filling in the gaps in the thought. Now, why should the reader? It only confuses the reader. Look at the example. This is such a heavy chair. One sentence, this is such a heavy chair. Here the writer has not completed the structure, he has not completed the idea as well. Look at the other example. I was so pleased about the letter. One sentence, I was so pleased. Third, the news is too wonderful. The news is too wonderful. Now, all these expressions can be improved by adding a statement or a clause or substituting another word for such, so and to. For example, in the first sentence, the first faulty sentence was, this is such a heavy chair. Now, here the construction is not complete. You must either say, why was it so heavy? Why was it such a heavy chair? So, you will have to add something on. You will have to add that it is not easy to carry. Something like that. This is such a heavy chair that it is not easy to carry. And you have a complete good sentence. The second example, I was so pleased about the letter. What was there to be so pleased about it? You haven't completed, the writer hasn't completed the sentence. So, the writer should have said, either that I ran to tell my mother, that I was, you know, you can say something like that tears came to my eyes. You have to complete the thought as well as the construction. So, you can improve that sentence by saying, by writing, I was so pleased about the letter that I ran to my mother, ran to tell my mother, right? The third one, the news is too wonderful. All right. Well, why is it too wonderful? You have to tell something about to, the bit, the word to. Say something about it. You can say that the news is too wonderful to be believed. Complete sentence, complete thought, complete construction. Or you can say the news is indeed wonderful, right? Now, these were examples of sentences that were not grammatically correct. That they, that they, that didn't have a good, a complete thought. Now, some clauses express complete thoughts and others do not. Those that express complete thoughts are independent or main clauses. Others are called dependent or subordinate clauses. We came across this phrase in our last lecture, dependent ideas, dependent statements, dependent clauses. And you can also use the word subordinate. Again, subordinate means something that is, that is dependent on others. Now, if a sentence contains not one single thought, but a complete thought containing a number of constituent thoughts, then you have to decide which of the several ideas is the main idea and which idea or ideas are subordinate. And then so construct the sentence that the subordinate thoughts will give emphasis to the main thought. Now, when you place the main or principal thought in a subordinate position, the unity of the sentence is destroyed. Now, whatever I have said, it will become clear in this example. You see this sample sentence on your screen. The fielder in the slips drop the third catch when the match was definitely lost. Now, that sentence is not a good sentence. Why? Because the main thought, you have put it in a subordinate position. You can improve this sentence by saying, when the fielder in the slips drop the third catch, the match was definitely lost. Now here, the match was definitely lost is the principle of the main thought, the main idea, right? And in the faulty sentence, the sample that you were given, the writer had reversed the order when the match was lost. No, it was when the fielder dropped the catch that the match was definitely lost. Consider a few more statements. Take this one. He was born of poor parents. He was obliged to work his way through college. He graduated with honors at the head of his class. Now, in this group of statements, two of them may be subordinated to the third. Two statements are dependent. You can make them dependent. And the third one can be, one of them can be the main one. Now, you can do it this way by using dependent words. Although he was born of poor parents and join it with a joining conjunction with a joining word and was obliged to work his way through college, he graduated with honors at the head of his class. Now, over there, the main principle thought is he graduated with honors at the head of his class. And the other two have been subordinated to the main idea. Now, we will have a short practice exercise and exercise for practice sake so that you learn to write, learn to differentiate subordinate thoughts from the main thoughts. You have a group of sentences, a number of sentences and they are faulty. They can be improved by using the correct connective, the joining word and making the subordinate thought give emphasis to the main thought. Look at the first example. It's a faulty construction. I was reaching down to pick up my cap just as I saw the two snakes. It's not a good sentence. You can improve this by using a joining word or you can use the right dependent word. And over here, I think the best would be just. Just as I was reaching down to pick up my cap, I saw the two snakes. Look at the next one. We came within sight of the village when our car suddenly caught fire. The main idea is our car suddenly caught fire. You can make the other one subordinate by using when, using the dependent word when. When we came within sight of the village, our car suddenly caught fire. Number three, because he has been to college is no sign he is cultured. Because he has been to college is no sign he is cultured. Now this sentence can be improved by using the phrase the fact that he has been to college is no sign he is. Number four, the main reason I left early was because I was bored. Now over there, it is the wrong subordinate connective. There is a better word and that is that. The main reason I left early was that I was bored. Sentence number five, Mr. Jamshed is the vice president while Mr. Said is the secretary. Now over there Mr. Jamshed is the vice president. Again the coordinating conjunction that should have been used is and and not while. So a better construction would be Mr. Jamshed is the vice president and Mr. Said is the secretary. Now another exercise for practice sake. These sentences that you see on your screen they are all lacking in unity. You improve them by adding details and changing words wherever you think it is necessary. Take the first one. The librarian was so discouraged about the lack of funds. Again it is the use of the word so. The librarian was so discouraged about the lack of funds. Then you can make this a better construction by saying that the librarian was extremely discouraged about the lack of funds. The word so is wrong. The second one, our situation is too wonderful. You can either say something add something about the two bit or you can just say improve this by saying our situation is wonderful. One way of making writing effective sentences is that you do not have it is not necessary to add something all the time. You can also take away words in the second one the second sentence our situation is too wonderful. You just remove the word too and it will be a good construction. Our situation is wonderful. Take the third one. Trying to work when my neighbour is playing his drum is such a problem. This is again these three sentences remember we had similar things in our last lesson the word so, such and too. So you can improve the sentence by removing the word such. You can say trying to work when my neighbour is playing his drum is a great problem is a great problem not such a problem. You have defined the word such by using the word. You can use a word like great because such does not complete the sense. It leaves something there is something lacking and that is why the unity is of the sentence is violated. Take the next one. The young ladies were wore bright coloured socks and were kind hearted. The young ladies wore bright coloured socks and were kind hearted. Now grammatically the sentence is correct but two different ideas put together. They were wearing bright coloured socks and they were kind hearted. What is the connection right? You can improve this by saying by writing the young ladies wore bright coloured socks full stop. One sentence and have another construction. In spite of their odd manner of dress they were we found essentially kind hearted. Now you can have a slightly different version but I think that if you made that sentence into two sentences. The young ladies wore bright coloured socks full stop. One sentence. The other one you can write it any way you like and highlight the idea that they were kind hearted. Take the fifth example. She is so talented alright that leaves a sense of not being complete. Well so talented you can use the word very. You can write she is very talented and that would be a better construction. Look at the sixth example. Computer courses have more appeal for the college students today. You can improve this by saying or by writing that computer courses have more appeal for the college students today. Then have arts courses. You have to say why computer courses in comparison to the other some other course. So you have to compare it with something and that would be a better construction. Computer courses have more appeal for the college students today than have arts courses. Now these sentences you noticed were improved by adding a clause or a statement or substituting another word for words like so to and such. Now we have seen that less important ideas must be made subordinate to the main idea of a sentence. However if two ideas are coordinate they must be given equal rank in the sentence. And this is known as parallelism. Students often use faulty parallelism and great care must be used in the matter of parallel construction. Nouns must be parallel to nouns, gerunds parallel to gerunds, verbs to verbs, subordinate clauses etc. Now you will see a few samples of faulty constructions. Take the first one. She told me to look on the table and that I should tell her what I found. Now this is the fault in that sentence is the fault of parallelism. If in the first statement you have the phrase to look to the infinitive you must have a parallel construction, a parallel infinitive. She told me to look on the table and to tell her what I found. Not that I should tell her but she told me to look on the table and to tell what I found. Another example of faulty parallelism. Take the sentence. Seema's job is reading books and to write book reviews. Typical students construction. Seema's job is reading books and to write book reviews. Now as I said earlier if you are using a parallel I am sorry a gerund in the first statement you should use a gerund in the second one. The sentence was Seema's job is reading. What is wrong is to write. You have got is reading in the first one and an infinitive in the other one. You can improve this by writing. Seema's job is reading books and writing book reviews. Both gerunds is reading and writing and reading. Look at sentence number C. He was considerate, friendly and people respected him. You can improve this by writing. He was considerate, friendly and respected by people. Take the fourth construction. Sentence D. The couple want to travel extensively and new experiences. Now you can improve this by saying the couple want to travel extensively and to have new experiences. E. Sentence E. The professor drew attention to the beginning of the revolution and how it ended. As I said earlier they are not wrong sentences but there is room for improvement. They are faulty constructions. You can improve this sentence by saying the professor drew attention to the beginning and end of the revolution. And not how it ended. Sentence F. Example F. Getting the groceries, taking the children to school and to feed the dog are his daily tasks. Again the same fault. You have got getting and then taking the children and then you have got to feed. The infinitive to feed. So you can improve this sentence by writing, getting the groceries, taking the children to school and feeding the dog are his daily tasks. Now make a note. You have to make note of two things. Number one, that it is often necessary to repeat a preposition or other words in order to make the parallelism clear. Example, ordinary sentence we use this many times a day. For lunch I had an apple pie and banana. Now you can improve this sentence by writing, for lunch I had an apple pie and a banana. Because you have already, you have got an over there and apple pie so you need a banana. You can have the word a banana over there and that would make it a better construction. Number two that you have to note, the second point that you have to note is that the correlatives, terms like either or, nor, not only, they should be used only with parallel elements. Take this sample. He not only likes tennis but also golf. You can improve this by writing, he likes not only tennis but also golf. You must bear in mind, keep in mind that faulty parallelism is worse than no parallelism at all. You should use parallelism freely in your sentences but you should resist all temptation to force into parallel structure clauses which are not parallel in thought. They should be parallel in thought as well. Now let us practice errors in parallelism. You will see six sentences on your screen. They all contain errors in parallelism and you correct the errors. The first one, swimming and to go fishing are my favorite sports. Very easy. You have got swimming and in the other half you have got to go. So what do you do? Either you add two over there or you remove the two from the second bar. So you can do it this way by saying, by writing, swimming and fishing are my favorite sports. Not to go fishing. One is swimming and the other is to go fishing. No, that is wrong. It should be swimming and fishing are my favorite sports. Number two, I both want exercise and to be amused. Again a fault in parallelism. You can improve this by writing. I want both exercise and amusement. Not to be amused. Number three, he offered either to pay for it now or tomorrow. You can improve this by writing. He offered to pay for it either now or tomorrow. You did not have the word either earlier. Sentences number four, not only were they disappointed but also angry. You can improve this by writing. They were not only disappointed but also angry. Number five, as we were unfamiliar with the root and because of approaching darkness, we decided to ask for advice. You can use parallel constructions. As we were unfamiliar with the root, you had as in the first part. You can use it again and as darkness was approaching, not and because of approaching darkness. As we were unfamiliar with the root and as darkness was approaching, we decided to ask for advice. Number six, the boy's face was streaked with dirt and his feet muddy. Now you can improve this by making both the verbs of the same type. You can write, the boy's face was streaked with dirt and his feet were muddy. Now so far we have looked at how the unity of sentences is destroyed. Now we shall turn to the second element that is coherence, which helps to create an effective sentence. A sentence has coherence when the various parts follow one another in an order which makes their relationship clear. Correct handling of matters of unity, parallelism and subordination contribute to coherence. When working for coherence, there are four pitfalls which must be avoided. These are weak, general or ambiguous reference of pronouns, split constructions, use of mixed constructions and mixed figures of speech and the last one needless shifting from one point of view to another. All these destroy coherence in a sentence. We will look at the first one which is reference of pronouns. Now when you use a pronoun it must have an antecedent. That is it must have something going before that it, the pronoun, must agree with in person, number and gender. You must avoid weak, vague, general or ambiguous references. And you have the example of this sentence. Ahmad saw Basit and Zahid yesterday and he said that he had the money. Now over here the sentence is not clear. Why? Because the he that has been used, we do not know what is he referring to. Is it referring to Basit or is it referring to Zahid? You can improve the sentence by writing, Ahmad saw Basit and Zahid yesterday and Zahid told him he had the money. Look at the next one. My aunt's cat was crippled and she was never the same again. Again the sentence is ambiguous because the pronoun she does not make it clear. Who is being referred to? Is she the aunt or is she the cat? So this can be improved by writing, my aunt was never the same. My aunt was never the same again after her cat was crippled. Take the third one. She put the computer on the table which her sister had bought. Now was it the table that is bought or is it the computer that has been bought? So you can remove the ambiguity by rewriting this as she put the computer which her sister had bought upon the table. Now make a note that you do not treat an antecedent first as a singular and then as a plural. Now what I have said will make clear if you look at the example. The guard company is now using coal in their furnaces instead of fuel oil. Now what is wrong over there? Earlier the guard company is being treated as singular and then in the second half you say their furnaces. So it should be the same. You can improve this by writing the guard company is now using coal in its furnaces instead of fuel oil. Number two, the club has done their best to raise the money. Earlier it is their best and first you say the club. So you can improve this by writing the club has done its best to raise the money. Now the second pitfall is that of split constructions. Split constructions are words that are closely related to each other. When they are separated they influence the effectiveness of a sentence. And you have the example of the batsman started to viciously hit the stumps. Now over here two hit are words that are closely related. You do not split them. You do not write like the way it is written in this sentence. The batsman started to viciously hit the stumps. Correct this? The correct version would be the batsman started to hit. Two and hit are closely related words. You do not separate them. So write the batsman started to hit viciously the stumps. Another example, if we had the time we could make some changes if we wanted to. Now usually a slight change in the word order is sufficient to remove the irregularity in the construction. In this sentence you just have to make a few alterations. If we had the time and if we wanted to we could make some changes. Now students often get their sentences and their figures of speech badly tangled. This is due to two reasons. Number one that they construct sentences. They do not construct their sentences well. Badly constructed sentences. And the other reason is that they use inappropriate figures of speech. Or they can crowd them together these figures of speech without any regard for consistency. And you have this example of a badly constructed sentence. This is the book to which I was referring to. Now that is a bad construction. You can improve this by writing this is the book to which I was referring. Another example, the author gives the best idea of the problem than any other I have read. Badly constructed. You can improve this by writing it. The author gives a better idea of the problem. Not the best idea. The author gives a better idea of the problem than any other I have read. Those were two examples of badly constructed sentences. Now, mixing of figures of speech. Look at this example. My castles in air came coming down into a bottomless heap. Two figures of speech, castles in air and then you say bottomless heap. It would have been better if only one had been used. All right. And the fourth pitfall, the fourth mistake that students make is that of aimlessly shifting their point of view. From one point of view, they move on to another. That will destroy the coherence in a sentence. Now this can be done in two ways. This is usually done because the writers shift from active to passive within a sentence. Or from singular to plural. Or from the past tense to the present tense. All within one sentence. Take the example. He ran to the station and the train was taken by him. That is not right. Because in the first half, the sentence is in the active. And in the second half, the sentence ends with a passive construction. So you can improve this by making them both of the same form. He ran to the station and took the train. Right? Now look at the next example. If one tries hard, they can accomplish much. What is wrong over there? It is shifting from singular to plural. If you have written if one tries hard, then you should say one can accomplish much. Not they. And the third example, the only words that we were able to distinguish are horse and cart. Now notice in that construction, in that sentence, earlier on it was said words we were able to. It is in the past tense. And the sentence ends with distinguish are horse and cart. Either make them both in the past tense or make them in the present. So you can improve that sentence by saying the only words that we were able to distinguish were horse and cart. Now a quick practice of sentences that lack coherence. Try to make them better. Take the first one. Susan and her sister both saw the film, but she was disappointed. Now who is she? The sentence lacks coherence. Which she referred to Susan or her sister. So you can improve this by writing both Susan and her sister saw the film. But Susan was disappointed with it. Number two, I wrote and asked my uncle to let me know about the books as soon as he can. You can improve this by writing. I wrote to my uncle and asked him to let me know about the books as soon as he could. Take the third one. He took an oath to never, no matter what happened, reveal the secrets of the organization. You can improve this by re-write this by writing. He took an oath never to reveal the secrets of the organization, no matter what happened. And take the last sentence. She is as old if not older than Henry. You can improve this by saying that she is as old as Henry if not older. The third element that is involved in making sentences effective is emphasis. Now sometimes it is necessary to emphasize a particular word or a phrase in order to sharpen the point or the idea of the sentence. Emphasis can be achieved in two ways. Number one, through position. In English sentences the final position is reserved for the idea which is felt to be the most important example. Her son graduated with honors we were told. Now in that sentence it is the graduation part that is more important. So you can improve this by writing her son we were told graduated with honors. That is the more emphatic part. Take this sentence. You shall be called a liar in all probability. Now that is a weak construction. You can improve this by changing the order. You shall in all probability be called a liar. The important part is that you will be called a liar. So that has to come at the end that should be given emphasis. The third example she flatly refused to see him for some unknown reason. Now in that sentence it is the refusal to see that person that is important. So you reverse the order change the position and make it for some unknown reason she flatly refused to see him. The second way of giving prominence or giving emphasis is the order of climax. Ideas may be arranged in the order of climax but only if the ideas are of varying importance. Varying importance. Example look at this sentence. During his long stay with the club he served as president secretary treasurer and vice president. Now there is nothing wrong with that sentence. It is just that it can be improved if you follow an order of importance. You can rewrite this and say that during his long stay with the club he served as treasurer, secretary and vice president and president. You are moving in an order of importance. And the third way of showing emphasis is by repeating words. This repetition of important words will sometimes give the desirable emphasis. Example the dog was his only friend, his only companion, his only confidant and his only heir. Now the repetition of his only. This phrase if you keep repeating the way the writer has repeated it. It stresses the uniqueness of the dog in this person's life. Repetition can easily become boring and should be used sparingly. Do not overuse this. And this is an example of deliberate repetition which is designed to make a sentence forceful. Keep in mind that thoughtless or careless repetition of words has the opposite effect. Take this sentence. They believe that most of us believe they are lazy. I come across such sentences many times in the writings of my students. Not all of them, some of them. You can improve this by they believe that most of us consider them lazy. And the fourth way of emphasizing words of phrases is inversion. This is also a technique of creating emphasis. Here the natural order of certain words of phrases in a sentence is changed. And these words of phrases are place where they will have more striking effect. Look at this example. Poor though he was he still gave money to charity. Now the natural order would be though he was poor but by inverting the order of subject and object the fact that the man was poor is emphasized. Look at this example. I have never seen anything like it in my life. Now this is the natural order of words. It is perfectly correct. There is nothing wrong with that sentence. But if you want to make it emphatic you can inverse. You can change the order. Never in my life have I seen anything like it. So this is a more emphatic sentence than the earlier one. Now like the other devices inversion should also be used very sparingly. Now with this we come to the end of the lesson. I hope it will help you construct more effective sentences in your academic as well as professional lives. Allah Hafiz see you next time.