 The following is a clip from my popular YouTube livestreams, answering your questions. If you're brand new to my channel, don't forget to hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if any time this video resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Really quickly, my coaching is what I call heart-centered radical honesty. It's direct, a little tough love, and a lot of heart. And occasionally I use expletives to enhance the sentence. So if an F-bomb or two isn't your cup of tea, I suggest logging off right now. Lastly, these are my thoughts, my perceptions, my opinions. By no means do I suggest this is the truth. You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a bit of a contrarian, so my advice goes contrary to public opinion and traditional expectations. All right, take it away, Jonathan! All right, so I want to share something with you that happened to me this morning. Well, not really happened to me, but I had an invitation from a client to listen to a podcast on the prevailing narrative. That's the name of the podcast. And in the podcast, the host had an FBI negotiator on there. And I thought it was really interesting because it was talking about how people lie. And they were giving a lot of different examples of how people lie. And in particular, they were talking about the Netflix special called the Tinder swindler. That's right, the Tinder swindler, how this man conned many, many women out of multi, multi millions of dollars. And I thought the podcast was fascinating listening to an FBI negotiator because their job is to read people, to understand people. And one of the things I thought was rather interesting is that human beings have a propensity to see the good in people. That's right, human beings have a propensity to see the good in people. In particular, people who are strangers, which I thought is rather fascinating. Now, to the extent that they see the good in people, what it means is that there isn't necessarily this intentional mistrust, but we oftentimes want to see the good in people. We want to believe people. And so why I'm bringing this up is because I'm not necessarily talking about lying per se. Okay, I mean, the Tinder swindler was kind of an extreme situation. And this was a genuine con man. What I thought was more fascinating was just how humans operate, particularly in the dating room, because these days we are meeting total strangers. That's right, we're meeting total strangers. We don't know much about a person when we connect them with them through our online devices. And because we don't have any degrees of separation. I mean, I want you to think back 30 plus years ago and beyond or back in time. I should say for the most part, if you mated with someone, they were from your tribe. They were from your village, from your town, from your workplace, maybe from your college. You had people that knew people about the person you were going out with. And this all changed with these little devices. It changed in particular. It first started with online dating when we used to have to use our laptops. Remember when you had to use your desktop or your laptop? And now everything is done through a swipe. And these days when we're meeting total strangers, we know very little about a person. We know very little about a person. And there's this misconception that if we talk a lot on the phone, and especially when we're clicking with someone, especially when our estrogen and our testosterone levels are up and the dopamine levels are up, and we start to feel this chemical reaction. Oftentimes this chemical reaction is limerence. And if you've never googled limerence, I highly recommend typing it in your computer later after this broadcast because limerence is extreme infatuation. Extreme infatuation. What oftentimes happens is when we have this extreme infatuation, it moves into lust. And when lust takes over, when that dopamine rush of lust takes over, men in particular can say almost anything to make you believe that they actually genuinely care about you. And I want you to think about this. In many cases, you've only known the person a nanosecond. And I often believe it's the movie Pride and Prejudice that sets you up for failure because Darcy knew Kira Knightley for only a nanosecond, and he was madly in love with her. He literally said 10 words to her at a 10-word exchange, and he was madly in love with her. You know, really? And today, we would think that's kind of insane, right? But this narrative that many of you have grown up on, this Disney narrative, plays into this. And I know cognitively, I know rationally, you don't think this way, and yet it happens over and over and over again. This is why this morning when I wrote, I did a short video about the importance of testing people, of testing people. And in particular, the test is not to jump into bed so quickly. And this is going to piggyback on what I'm going to share later. But it's so important to actually spend about 100 hours of face-to-face time just to get to the first layer of trust, to invest that time getting to know another human, being not over the telephone. You know, by the way, did you know 90... And by the way, this is the FBI profiler talked about this as well. You know, 90% of communication is non-verbal. It's looking at their facial clues. It's feeling their pheromones. It's their hand gestures. All of that plays into communication. And that's why all this incessant telephone communication doesn't really give you a full picture of a person. Now, why am I saying this? Because I think it's hugely important to recognize that chemistry doesn't equal relationship success. And I have everyone who knows my relationship iceberg. And by the way, one of you beautiful fans out there sent me this, although I'm only going to use it once because of the glare. But they update... This is my current relationship iceberg. What I'm going to use there is today. I want to thank Gloria for this. So you can see that up above the... See the light's going to reflect too much. So I'm going to use mine. You can see above the water line is chemistry. It's the first thing we see or feel. But below... And that's attraction. And below the water line is compatibility, where we share the same values, where our lifestyles are blendable. And more importantly, is this person emotionally mature enough to be in relationship with? Because all the chemistry in the world cannot fix dysfunctionality of a person. Can I repeat that? All the dysfunctionality of the world cannot fix the dysfunctionality of a person. And listen, going back to lying, I was thinking in this broadcast, so many women in particular and men too in their own way. But if a man's age on his dating profile was off by a few years, you'd say he's a liar. And if he said he was six foot tall when he was five foot nine, you'd say he's a liar. Okay, I get why people do that, because it's not genuinely lying to deceive you. It's the misrepresentation is because of fear of rejection, a fear of rejection. The real lying you should be worrying about is the people that lie to themselves, that lie to themselves, because whatever they say to you is indicative of a true misrepresentation about their genuine feelings. So when I mean lying to themselves, and let me give you an example, I'm going to share a personal example right now. After my divorce, I thought I want a relationship. I want a relationship. I want a relationship. I mean, I was like so ready after my divorce wanting a relationship. And I met this woman and we began dating. And sure enough, three months into it, I'm like, I can't handle the relationship. I was lying to myself. And yet what happened is when we ended it, I was back online because I was thirsty for connection, companionship and sex. And yet I wasn't ready for the most important thing, and that is commitment. And many human beings are actually lying to themselves. That's the bigger lie you should be worrying about, not whether or not they fudged on their dating profile. And by the way, women do this as well. Men do this as well. Women do it on their body. Women do it on their height. It's because the reality is as human beings judge one another based on those surface things above the water line. And what they don't realize is human beings are actually lying to themselves below the water line, in particular in their emotional maturity and their relationship skills. And if you're not familiar with my chart on emotional maturity relationship skills, here it is. By the way, this is not a fact. This is an opinion. Most people have clinical issues, clinical issues. And while I say 20% and while I suggest that 20% are healthy and I'm being ridiculously generous, the vast majority of people believe they're not believed. They are dysfunctional, but they believe that they're healthy. And I'm pointing the finger at you watching this because I really do believe the majority, a significant majority, is lying to themselves on their real relationship skills. So why is this critically important to understand? It's because I'm here to remind you that dating today is a clusterfuck. It is a clusterfuck because you're meeting total strangers. This is why I've been repeatedly recommending this book called Talking to Strangers by Malcolm Gladwell. What you should know about the people you don't know because the reality is this. The strangers out there, what I mean by strangers, what we don't know about people can effectively affect us long-term when we've gone on repetitive dates that go nowhere, or we invest time in people who aren't really capable of being in a relationship. It can wear on our emotional well-being and sadly most humans are so thirsty for emotional connection that oftentimes you'll settle on crumbs without doing a vetting process. So I just want to remind you all this, it takes a hundred hours of face-to-face time just to get to that first layer of trust and remember that. And I will tell you that the people that genuinely are interested and like you, the ones who are serious, the ones that will go the distance, when they meet you and they like you, they'll actually be okay with investing the time. Because many of you know, I say this before, and I'll say it before again, before the penis goes inside the vagina, you better be reading the book Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman. Because if you don't, and this is a test, and guess what? Testing people isn't cruel, it's for your benefit. Because they are strangers. Read this book, it teaches you the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship. And that's my invitation for you going forward. Because the reality is you don't know a person until you actually get to know a person. Food for thought. All right. I want to talk about those five signs. He's serious and he may go the distance. There's my notes. I'm going to talk about that right now. All right. So, first off.