 See, I'm not one to have the whole, this ain't shit, perspective 100% because people aren't shit. You deal with both sides every day, I've dated both sides, people aren't shit. Women lean towards that, men ain't shit, this ain't shit, because it gives them an excuse to not live up to their full potential as a woman. Listen, it's the message right here. Black boy tell me how you really feel, because I just want to build with you. Black girl tell me how you really feel. I want to keep it real with you. I want to live better, eat better. I want to love better, sleep better. Yeah, I want to feel so aligned. Are you familiar with Shahraz Ad Ali? No. So Shahraz Ad Ali in 1989, she wrote a book called Black Man's God to Understand the Black Woman. She got a bunch of backlash. She was going on talk shows, I think she was on the Donahue show, which was pretty much like the Oprah Winfrey show at that time. And one of the audience members stood up and was like, I'm a Yoruba priestess and what you're doing is evil and you're sewing discourse in our community. She was talking to Shahraz Ad Ali. Do you know who that lady was? It was Yala. Yala Vassan. It was Yala Vassan. So like to go from that to now talking about Black women are out of order, there has been a shift because Shahraz Ad was saying that in 1989, right? So the book was about some of the reasons why Black women are out of order. When you read the book, at least from a male perspective, she could have wrote that yesterday. She could have wrote that two weeks ago. But it is that relevant. She's talking about the over-sexualization of Black women, how they do it to themselves. She's talking about how they've been essentially raised to inherently disrespect the Black men and how we as Black people have only investigated, no interrogated Black men, but we haven't actually ever interrogated Black women outside of their physical appearance. So why do you think it is so hard to critique Black women? It was hard in 1989, it's definitely harder now. Why do you think that is? I feel it's harder because Black women have had to be the ones who took on the role of being the head of the Black family in more situations than not. Back in the day, the man was the head, but somewhere along the line that shit happened and not just because of the fact that Black men don't want to be a part of families because they've been, like, I believe that Black families as a whole have been generally broken apart, whether it be by system institutionalization, prisons, breaking down, and even sometimes, which is hard to admit by us women, we have taken their power and put it all to ourselves. Sometimes because we had to, and once you've had to do that, all you know is to teach your other children, mainly your women, to make sure you're prepared to be the head because there may not be a head in the traditional sense of being a man. So we've had to own that power and become the head and in that sense, don't about to tell a big mama no, you know, you don't get that when what mama said goes, you know, you ask your daddy, what would your mama say, those type of situations. So whether it be overt or underhanded, we've had, there's been a shift in the power of the family because in biblical sense, the man is the head. But again, our families have been torn down, broken apart for so many years where we've had to create a new sense of who's the head and you don't want to, you don't want to break your mama down. She's seen enough from my own personal perspective, I was raised by a single mother working multiple jobs to take care of me, my brothers, and whoever else she could take in, part of my family and friends. So I'm not trying to burden that woman with any additional problems that anybody coming to her, men mainly, you want to date my mama, you got to go through me and my brothers. And that's intimidating and it can be a bit much. But again, who's going against the woman that's holding the family down? Who's trying to do that? Whether it's fair or not, no. But it's where we are. So for me, I always start the conversation with white supremacy, as far as the breakdown of the black family. And then after that, I go to the black man. These are the ways that we assisted white supremacy to break down the black family. And I think we're hyper aware of that in the society. So my question is, what are the ways women are willing to own as to how women assisted white supremacy to break down the black family? It's not an easy question. It's not an easy question because women are often on the front lines of trying to protect the black man. We're the ones that are going, I guess, thinking along those lines. So while we're the ones that are on the front lines, a lot of times we throw that in their faces. We know that they have had a disadvantage and sometimes we don't respect or recognize it enough. While, again, I guess playing devil's advocate, a lot of men rest on that, like, oh man, you know the man hold me down and the man won't let me do this and that. So as a woman, you take up that, that pile of shit and you make sugar with it. Like you have to understand, like, okay, even if it's playing on the man's sympathies or them playing on yours and be like, okay, so they have it harder. So let me, let me honor, let me help them with this or women that have had to choose between the black man and their children, they're going to choose their children every time. So those YT people have made it to a point where it's easier for the black woman to placate into their ways and methods rather than stand boldly beside the black man and just be like, I'm standing beside you no matter what. Instead of having that unconditional, there's conditions on it, which they am thinking about it. That shit sucks. That's where we are. Like, it's like you're damned if you do damned if you don't. Sometimes it's a woman. Do you want to support this man, stick beside him no matter what, or be like, man, fuck him. I got my children. I got my own stuff to do. I'm bearing the weight on my own. I could do better by myself, those type of things. In a lot of the conversations I've had with women, there tends to be a reflex to almost excuse women. So it's like, yeah, this thing she did was kind of fucked up. But her dad wasn't there, this and that. But black men don't get that same grace oftentimes. And usually that conversation ends with niggas ain't shit, period point blank period. See, I'm not one to have the whole niggas ain't shit. Perspective 100% because people aren't shit. You deal with both sides every day. I've dated both sides. People aren't shit. It's easier to go towards the gender because rather than you having to accept and deal with the fact that sometimes you're the problem, you can just put it on that blanket statement and it absolves you. Everybody's been like, oh yeah, that's right. That's 100% of you know, they ain't over there. I know people aren't shit. But sometimes we as women are the problem. I will 100% admit sometimes it's us because, again, I was raised to be independent. And in the independence, I found that I wasn't allowing another person whether it be a man or a woman to love me or do for me like they wanted to or they were raised to or they expected to in those roles or whatever because I can do that by myself. I don't need nobody. I got me, that type of situation, but when you're doing those things and when you're claiming you got it all, you can do it all, you're perfect, you don't have any problems, you're lying to yourself first of all and you're shutting out people that can truly be there for you in ways that you can't be there for yourself. You do things that you can't do for yourself, but you're so stuck on I'm independent, I'm strong, I got it all, I have to do it all, you miss it. And I think truly and honestly a lot of times now women lean towards that men ain't shit, niggas ain't shit because it gives them an excuse to not live up to their full potential as a woman, but be excused when a man can't fit into the box that they want him to. So you cannot do everything you're supposed to, you can be problematic, you can have your shit with you, but the minute this man steps out of line as a result of you not having your shit together, not being able to give them what they need in that reciprocal relationship, oh they ain't shit, I knew you was going to do this, no you set them up to do it. You created a space where it became okay for them to fail you because you almost expected it, you almost made it happen yourself. Not always, but that's often what happens. So confirmation bias got you, okay, so let me ask you this, it's an interesting question I want you to give it some thought because then there's a follow up question. Do you think of yourself as a woman who happens to be black or as a black person who happens to be a woman? A black person who is a woman. Break that down. Before I am anything else, before I am breast and a vagina, nails, makeup, before I'm any of that, when someone sees me they're going to see a black person. My skin color comes before anything else, I could hide being a woman, I can't hide being black and throughout my 32 years of life I've had a lot of struggles with being a dark skinned person and loving myself and in doing so I had to truly take the time to do some self-work, self-development and introspection to learn do I love me and if I do, what do I love most about me? I love that I come from a background so rich in culture and customs and creativity like I was born with a beat. Those kind of things to me mean more the coarseness of my hair, the fullness of my lips, the way my hips are rounding off, all of that to me and also just looking at myself being like damn chocolate ain't never look so good as it did when it's all like that to me is the same feeling I get when I walk outside on a sunny day and I look at the way the skin is glistening off of me and it's kind of warming my body doesn't hurt I just feel like I'm alive again that's I love being black like you can take being a woman I'd be cool being a dude and again I told you I'm a woman not a lady I wear makeup and nails because I'm a girly but again I would love to be a dude it'd be cool I don't care woman or man doesn't matter but you asked me a million times I would never want to be any other race but black and that's powerful so part of the reason that question is so important is because some of the criticism that black men have towards black women has a lot to do with feminism and how feminism some people would say feminism was introduced to us to so discord so the question is has feminism helped or hurt the black community I would say I would think hurt because when you look at feminism it goes back to that having to play a role being subservient you're fitting into a category but if you look at tribes around the world especially in Africa doesn't exist or it's like reverse where women are the hunters the gatherers men are the ones take care of home it's like that feminine aspect has made us have to fit in a space where biologically genetically it's not what we want to be like women as me the African American woman and once I know we don't want to just sit at home and take care of children it's part of who we are but it's a part like I have best friends who are bosses who have multiple businesses but also have children they're raising and a husband that they're making sure needs dinner at night not because they have to but it's because they work together as a unit so I think feminism and the whole femininity idea has hurt us because the femininity so you're saying femininity not feminism feminism is the movement that you know equal femininity femininity femininity femininity femininity femininity is a whole other thing I don't even know if I fuck with feminism sometimes but the femininity of it all has kind of broken us out of the together aspects working together but if we're getting into feminism again I don't I'm all about women's empowerment but sometimes feminism tries to separate more than it does try to empower a woman it's more about women should women should women should despite of men rather than it should be respect women as people who can do more than just those take care of some babies and you know cook dinner and make their hair look pretty it's about giving them that empowerment and that feeling of you're more than just someone who takes care of home but you get those extreme women who go on and on about it and it just becomes something that's ugly to me so I think feminism definitely has hurt us because again you latch on to the wrong shit and it all becomes convoluted and twisted to fit whatever narrative you're trying to push rather than what it's truly about because I was all about I'm pro women let us have our shine we can do anything but again hold up because I got nails in this jar I'll pick up might be a little too tight so I'm gonna need a man to come open it like you don't have to be I am woman hear me roar I can do it all be on your chest because again you're still a woman