 Lux presents Hollywood. Lieber Brothers Company, the makers of Lux Toilet Soap, bring you the Lux Radio Theatre, starring Claudette Colbert and Fred McMurray in The Egg and I. Ladies and gentlemen, your producer, Mr. William Keely. Greetings from Hollywood, ladies and gentlemen. How would you like to run a chicken farm, hmm? Get away from it all. Enjoy the peace and quiet of the country. Relax and let the chickens do all the work. Ah, blissful meditative life. You don't believe it? Well now, let's have a look at a charming young couple who tried it, and as a result, hatched a best-selling novel called The Egg and I, from which came Universal International's screen hit of the same name, starring Claudette Colbert and Fred McMurray. We're lucky to have Claudette and Fred here tonight to repeat their hit performances. If you read the book, you'll doubtless recall that Betty McDonald, whom Claudette portrays, did most of her shopping from itinerant salesmen who pedaled everything from kitchen rangers to toilet soap. And while she doesn't mention Lux by name, we happen to know from the hundreds of letters we receive that Lux soap is as popular on ranches and farms as it is right here in Hollywood. Complexions exposed daily to rough treatment from the wind and sun appreciate especially the kindly care they get from Lux soap. Here's the first act of The Egg and I, starting Claudette Colbert as Betty and Fred McMurray as Bob. A few months after the war was over, a young man named Bob came home to Seattle, married a girl named Betty, and swept her off on a honeymoon. Now on their first night as man and wife... Betty. Yes, darling. Betty, did you ever think are we going to spend the rest of our lives? Whatever my husband chooses to do, it's all right with me. Well, the question is, are we going to trod the old paths or break new roads into the wilderness? I don't know, which? You know, honey, when you're lying in a foxhole, you've got plenty of time to think things out. You know what I said to myself? I said, just exactly what have Saddlefinch, Tanner, Pes and Stuck to do with all this? You know the people I worked for. Do you know what the answer was? Uh-uh. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. And that's why I'm not going back to Saddlefinch, Tanner, Pes and Stuck. You are? I am not. Betty, do you know what a fella thinks about when he's lying out there in the mud with the shells bursting all around him? I'd be thinking about you. He thinks about the things that really count, like love and food and babies and things growing up out of the ground. He thinks about cows and horses and... Do you know what I've dreamt about most, Betty? Tell me, darling. Chickens. Chickens? Just you and me and thousands and thousands of chickens, every one of them laying eggs all day long. Well, what on earth would we do with that many eggs? Well, we'd sell them, of course. Darling, I've bought a chicken farm. It's way up in the mountains, miles from everywhere. 40 beautiful fertile acres. Oh, well, that sounds fine. We'll go there every weekend, hm? Weekend? Honey, we're going to live there all the time. We're going to raise chickens. We are? You bet we are. Oh. And I bought a truck, honey. We can take all our things and still have plenty of room for the cow. Cow? Chewing a goat, too, and maybe a couple of sheep. We'll leave for the mountains day after tomorrow. Oh, Betty, I just knew you'd be crazy about the idea. Yeah, crazy. How's the livestock doing in the back there, honey? Oh, they're doing fine. They love it. Yeah, good. But now, where was I? Oh, yeah. Of course, our profit will vary, Betty. It's a little factor in determining the cost of each bullet. So you've got to keep watching those for those little combs to break out of the shells. Oh, we'll watch all right, won't we? I'll say we will. Then you separate them, fatten them up, dress them, and off to the market they go. Say, what do you think of this, scenery, Betty? Just look over there. Just look. Oh, God, my hat! It flew into the back of the truck. Oh, it's my new hat. Oh, well, we'll get it later here. Well, the goat's eating it. Don't worry, honey. It won't hurt him. Hey, Betty. Hey, Betty, wake up. Mm-hmm. What's happened? What's the matter? Get ready, honey. Are we there? Almost. Now, close your eyes. I want a surprise. My eyes were closed. Well, close them again. Here we are, honey. This is it. Open your eyes. Oh. Well, what's the matter? Oh, darling, for a minute, I thought that was the house. That shambles there. But, uh, that is the house. Oh. Oh, well, I... I guess it just needs a new coat of paint. Yeah. Well, come on. Get out of the truck. You know, the agent told me there isn't another house like this in the whole county. Yeah, I can see what he meant. Well, how about the porch now? Isn't it wonderful, Betty? Yes. This is what I dreamed of. Carrying you up over there, carrying you over the threshold. Up you go. Oh, Bob. Now, I'll open the front door. It's a good, tight-fitting door in it. Maybe it's locked, darling. Locked? Who bothers with locks in God's country? Darling, you'd better put me down. Yeah, I guess I better. I'll have to force it a little, I guess. Stand back, honey. Now, be careful. Yeah, I'll just get a little running start. Oh, sure, I'm all right. Well, Betty, what do you think of it? Hasn't it got a lot of character? Now, this stairway goes up to the attic. And that's the bedroom over there. And this is the living room. Nice-sized room, huh? Yeah. Oh, look up there. Are those bats? Oh, what's a few bats? Hiya, fellas. Just look at these floors, Betty. You won't have to do a thing to them. Just scrub and polish them. And here's the dining room in here. Boy, they just don't build houses like this nowadays. No, they've got building inspectors nowadays. What'd you say, dear? Oh, I said... Hey, Betty, just look at this table. Solid oak. Strong as Gibraltar. Isn't there any kitchen? Kitchen? Well, you just come out here and see. Here we are. Isn't this something? A real old-fashioned kitchen. None of that streamlined nonsense. No, sir. This is the kind of a place where you can really get down to a living. No running water, no frigid air. Just plenty of elbow room. What was that? Oh, that is the dining room table. Gibraltar just collapsed. Oh, fix it in there. Now, Betty, look out the window here. That's the chicken house over there on the right. Mm-hmm. And isn't that some pink pen over there? Yeah. Kind of close to the house, maybe, but I can move it easily. Yeah. Compact little layout, huh? Of course, it needs a little sprucing up, some painting, a few patches. Well, come on, I'll show you the rest of the house. You mean there's more? Oh, it keeps getting better and better. Now, those steps there go down into the cellar. Oh, I guess the steps must have fallen down. Well, I'll build some new ones and... What's down there? Nothing but shelves, Betty. For those hundreds and hundreds of jars of preserves you're gonna put up. Now, over here. Here's something you're gonna treasure the rest of your life. What is it? Well, honey, that's the stove. It's got eyes. Oh, those are just ornaments. Kind of look like eyes though, don't they? You mean that's a stove? I knew you'd never seen one like it before, Betty. Just look at it. She's aching for a big cider beef or a pot full of soup and a couple of dozen loaves of bread. Fresh bread. I can smell it already. Betty, you're gonna have a wonderful time with that stove. Well, come on, you can get to the bedroom right through here. I don't think that stove likes me. Betty? Coming through something at me. Where are you? On the floor here. I'm just popping up this bed for you. Kind of gave way a little. There we are. Now, just try this bed, Betty. Just try it. Mm-hmm. Well, sit on it. Oh, yes, dear. Isn't this a wonderful old piece? It's kind of noisy, don't you think? Move over, honey. Well, do I deserve a kiss for snapping this place up or don't I? Oh, of course, darling. Isn't this a life, Betty? I guess so once you get used to it. I knew you'd be surprised. Oh, say something just hit me on the nose. What do you know? It's raining. What do you know? Right through the roof. We'd better stay in the bedroom, darling. It's hardly leaking at all. Oh, I'm freezing. Well, you better put this other blanket around you. You catching cold? I must have been sitting in a draft somewhere. Yes, I must have. You just climb into that wonderful old bed and relax. Maybe I'd better. Ah, just smell that wonderful fresh air. Well, the first night in our own home. Just think. Betty, this is where we'll probably spend the rest of our lives. Doesn't it give you a wonderful feeling of security? Mm-hmm. Now, here's the calendar. Everything's got to be scheduled. By next June we should have at least a half-dozen suckling pigs. We'll have a calf in July and then along about August we can begin to figure out more important offspring. Oh, darling. Five or six hundred of them. Five or six hundred what? Quite chicks, of course. Oh, I'd like to raise something besides chickens, you know. Oh, we'll have plenty of those, too, honey. At least four. Or maybe even five. Three boys and two girls. All at once? One at a time. Let's schedule the first one for, well, let's say a year from the day. How's that? May the 11th. Sounds like a good day for it. Look, it's Mother's Day. What do you know? Hey, come on, wake up. Hey, you're going to lie there in bed forever? Come on, get out of there. Yes, darling. Pull up the shades with you. What shades? Shows. Right. What do you mean, night? It's 4.30. Half the morning's gone. I just let you lull in bed because it's your first day, but from now on you'll have to be up at four o'clock every morning sharp. Oh. Now come on, roll out. Honey, I've got breakfast already. Through the porch. Detective Chingle, I guess. Don't worry. I'll have a big... Cutting down a tree. Well, whatever. It's a lovely tree. That was too close to the chicken house. Oh, don't you think it's kind of awful to cut down a tree? Now, look, Betty, we're not running a park here, you know. Now stand back so the chips don't fly in your face. See, isn't it going to crash down on the chicken house? No, it's not going to crash down on the chicken house. Well, it looks like it to me. Honey, you take care of the kitchen and I'll take care of the tree. What do you say? All right. But, well, I just thought that's all. Honey, it so happens that I spent a whole summer in a logging camp once. I've watched experts fell tree after tree. Well, just the same. Look, dear, this isn't guesswork. It's a matter of science. It's a question of leverages, weights, and balance, which I have worked out to the nth degree. Now, the tree isn't going to fall on the chicken house. It's going to fall right over there. If you don't believe me, just watch and see. Okay. Stand back, honey. Stand back. What do you mean it's... No, no, it's not supposed to... What did I say? Yes. What's your plan for? Oh, some lettuce here and carrots over there and corn there, right under the wheels of your wagon. Oh, run over the fur, did I? Yes, you did. I'm your neighbor, Kettle's name. Folks call me Pa. Oh, you must be Tom's father. Yes, guess I am. Oh, Tom's a wonderful help to us here. I'm glad we were able to hire him. I'm glad to know you, Pa. Hello. Bob, meet Pa Kettle. I just dropped in to say, howdy. Well, howdy. Howdy. Long as we're neighbors, you can count on us for anything you might be needing. Just stop in and ask for it, you know. Well, thanks, Mr. Kettle. What's that there on your truck? Timber and building something? Now, we're putting up a new chicken coop. What happened to the old one? Well... It was destroyed by a system of leverages, weights, and balances. Huh? Worked out to the nth degree. Oh. I wouldn't mind having a few of them, too, before us. Well, just help yourself. Who won't be needing more than two or so? Give me a hold here, will you? Oh, I'll get them for you. The two you said? Uh, better throw in a couple more, just in case, you know. If they don't, I'll be needing a couple of pounds of nails, and ain't got nothing to fit two before. Well, I guess I could let you have a couple of pounds. Let's see. Hammer and saw. Kids been using my saw. Plum ruined the edge. Well, come around the barn. I'll see what I can lend you. You sure you won't be needing any paint? Come to think of it. You got any red you can spare? No. No. We've only got green. Well, green'll do, ain't particularly. You see, the barn neighbor, I'll drive the wagon right back. Say, Betty, I've just been looking at the egg charts. Have you been collecting the eggs regularly? No, the hens won't let me. What do you mean they won't let you? No, they won't. Oh, Bob, couldn't I do something else instead? That's silly. Betty, there's nothing difficult about it. Come on in the henhouse, I'll show you. Now, all you do is put your hand in the nest and take out the eggs, like this. Oh, well, they don't act like that when I do it. Now, you watch. Now, there, now, it's me. Oh, that's funny. You must have the wrong attitude. Chickens sense things in people, you know. Well, frankly, I think they're stuck on you and resent me. Maybe I'd better collect the eggs. Have you fed the pig yet? No, I was going to. Well, Cleopatra will never get fat if you don't feed her, you know. Oh, she's as fat as a pig right now. All right, lover, you stay with your girlfriends and I'll feed Cleopatra. Now, come and get it. Well, get out of the mud and come over here. It's food, don't you? Get back in that pen or I'll do something you'll be very sorry for. I'll bag you out by the years. Now, I just take my mud packs the hard way. Maybe I can help. Here, pig, pig, pig, pig. Here, piggy, piggy, piggy, piggy. Here, pig, pig, pig, pig. There you are. She's back in the pen. Well, you'll certainly have a way with pigs. Oh, hello. I'm Harriet Putnam, Bella Vista Ranch. Oh, you have that fancy place down the road, huh? That's right. Oh, this is my wife, Betty. Pardon me if I don't rise. You're going to have a lovely place here once you get it fixed up. It has loads of possibilities. Mind if I look around? Oh, not at all. Come on. It's going to be so nice having real people around for a change. Oh, Betty, you better get cleaned up. That isn't exactly perfume you're covered with. What? Oh! Howing fields chasing cows, milking goats, tending pigs, and now a glamour puss. Oh, I'm so mad. And I thought eggs were something you bought in a grocery store. In a moment, we'll return with act two of The Egg and I, starting Claudette Colbert and Fred McMurray. Meanwhile, here's Libby Collins, our Hollywood newsgatherer. What are you reporting on tonight, Libby? Oh, a fascinating press party I attended recently, Mr. Keely. David Niven was host at a luncheon at which Barbara Stanwyck and Robert Taylor, her husband, were guests of honor. To celebrate the Robert Taylor's return from England, I presume. That's right. And David Niven, of course, was Barbara's leading man in her latest picture for Enterprise. The other love. It's an interesting role Barbara has, that of a famous piano virtuoso. And she plays it beautifully. And then there was Richard Conte. Oh, the other member of the triangle in the picture. Yes. Oh, we all had a wonderful time. And after the party, I drove back to the studio with Barbara, and she told me more about her trip. Conditions are still pretty difficult over there. Oh, Barbara said luxuries scarcely exist, and even necessities are hard to come by. And here's something she told me that will interest our friend, Mr. Kennedy. Well, Libby, could it be an item about that combination luxury and necessity, lux-toilet soap? Of course, Mr. Kennedy. And since Barbara didn't want to miss out on her beauty facials while she was abroad for the premiere of The Other Love, she wisely took some lux-toilet soap with her. That was smart, Libby, because lux-toilet soap is scarce over there right now. So scarce that generous Barbara left several cakes behind her. She was down to her last sliver of lux-soap when she got back, she said. Wouldn't that be a predicament for a lovely screen star to be without her favorite beauty soap? Oh, I should say so, because Barbara says her daily lux-soap care really does things for the skin. Those beauty facials, she told me, give her skin quick new loveliness. Leave it softer, smoother. She uses lux-toilet soap as a bath soap, too. She likes the nice, delicate perfume it leaves on her skin. Nine out of ten famous screen stars say that lux-toilet soap is a care they wouldn't be without. It's such a gentle soap. It can help women everywhere to have the fresh, smooth skin that's so appealing. Here's Mr. Keely at the microphone. Our stars, Claudette Colbert and Fred McMurray, bring you act two of The Egg and I. That amazing and durable mechanism, which is the human body, can withstand even the incredible onslaughts of a chicken farm. At least Betty has made this remarkable discovery as she finds herself still alive and reasonably active after harrowing weeks of captivity in the land of the legion and the realm of the rooster. Now, on a cool summer morning, a husband takes time out to make a studied observation. You know, Betty, you look wonderful. You're beautiful. Oh, come now. I mean it. You see what this mountaineer has done for you in regular hours and a little physical exercise? A little physical exercise? Don't you feel different? Oh, brother, do I? Anyway, I still love you, I think. Well, you ought to. Just wait till you see what I brought home. What? Water from Doc Wilson. Oh, Bob, a dog! Wonderful hunting dog, but he's terribly vicious. You gotta watch out for him. Oh, he doesn't look vicious to me. No, he doesn't, eh? Oh, Betty, don't touch him now. He's bitten about everybody in town. Honest? What's his name? Sport. Hiya, Sport. Betty, I told you not to touch him. I tell you he's dangerous. Now, he takes a steady nerve to handle an animal like this. He looks awfully sweet to me. Sweet, eh? Sport, did you hear what she called you? Sweet. See what I mean? Well, he's got such a big brown eye. Such long, white teeth. But don't worry, I'll show him who's master around here. All right, you do that, darling. I'll go feed the chickens. Good morning, Miss Betty. Hello, Tom. Well, what on earth is that? Oh, it's just a contraption I've rigged up. Kind of an automatic feeder. Say, you're a regular Edison or somebody. No, I just like to fool around with tools and things. Better than farming? Oh much. Put it there, partner. I like anything better than farming. Say, didn't school open today? Oh, I finished school last spring. I sort of hoped I could go to college, but there's not much chance of that. Why not? Well, Ma needs someone around the place. You know how pie is. Yes, I know how pie is. But your mother, you know I think I'll go have a talk with her. Maybe tomorrow. Ain't this nice. You come to pay me a visit. Yes. Well, get in the kitchen where we can talk with spell. Thank you. Get out of the china closet, you dirty chickens. Scatch, you get out of there. Chickens just love to come into my kitchen as if they didn't have enough room in the parlor. I'll just knock these pots off the chair here. There you are, honey, set out on the spell. Oh, thank you. You're staying for dinner, of course. Oh, no, thank you. Sure you will. Now, if you just give me a hand, set in the table here. Oh, certainly. Well, now you've got a large table. Relatives visiting you? Relatives, all right. Eleven kids. Or is it twelve? Oh, don't much matter. Tom was telling me what real nice people you were. Oh, Tom's a fine boy. And you know he's so clever. Maybe, though. Not a mite like the rest of us. Makes me stop wonder sometimes. You know, it's a shame he can't go to college. College? What fur? Well, so he can make something of himself. If he had little help, he could go to the State University. He been talking to you? Oh, he wants to go so badly. Yeah, I know he does. Don't seem such a pity. I don't know as we could get along without Tom. We ain't got a live buck in the house except what he brings in. You see, Paul's kind of a dreamer. And though, if you'll just get hold of the bell, we'll let the hungry varmints know the dinner's ready. Oh, certainly. Better clear that doorway, honey, before you get troubled on. What? I said you better get out of the doorway. Here they come. Howdy, Mrs. Move over and let the lady get on the bench. Henry. I ain't Henry. He must move over. Just make yourself comfortable, honey. Pitch right in. As long as I had to pick up Betty at the kettle's, Miss Putnam, we thought we'd take you up on your invitation and drop in. How nice. Welcome to Bella Vista Farm. Thank you. Bob, I really don't think we should have... Just look at these chicken houses, Betty. Well, maybe someday we'll have a layout like this if we ever get a contract for our eggs. Oh? Well, I'll be glad to speak to Mr. Handy if you like. He's the market agent. He buys all my eggs. Well, I'd certainly appreciate it. Oh, he'd do about anything I'd ask him to. He's such a dear. A young man, I take it? Oh, no, not young. Besides, he has a wife. Oh, those were the old rules. Well, uh... do you think maybe we could take a look around the place, Harriet? Oh, just wait until you see my speckled Sussex. What? Speckled Sussex. That's a breed of hen. It's very special. This way, Betty, dear. Bob. Well? Do you find Harriet attractive? She knows an awful lot about chickens. Well, if that's how you measure your women, where does that leave me? You don't have to know about chickens to be attractive. Gosh, when I think of the years I spent learning how to be irresistible to my husband, all you have to do is cackle. Oh, I wonder if she could at that. What if she could what? Cackle? No. Take you away from me. Betty, don't be an idiot. Well, it's happened before, you know. Men have no sense at all when it comes to women. Hey, will you stop? Well, it's true. Every man has his danger point. And your danger point might very well be Harriet Putnam's beautiful house and all that expensive farm machinery. Well, Betty, I simply don't understand what's going on. Hey, look out! Well, now look what you've done. I just mentioned Harriet Putnam, and the next thing we're in a ditch. What's that? That is a flat tire. I was lucky I bought a new jacket to really be stuck. Hey, that's funny. I left it right here in the back of the truck. Left what? The jack, that new jack I bought. Oh. Where is it? Well, I used it yesterday to prop open the screen door so that sport, it's probably right there now. Well, all we need now to make the day perfect is for terrain. You had to open your big mouth. Well, it only took us two hours on a flat tire, but we made it. We're home again. Bob, look. What's the matter? My garden. It's washed away. It's a regular waterfall. Well, now, Betty, when you insisted on planting your garden there, I... Oh, no, don't say it. You told me so. Oh, I'm sorry, honey. Bob, we've got to get away from here before it's too late. Don't you see? They don't want us here. The mountains and the rain and the wind, they're fighting us all the time. Well, Betty, it'll be all right. No, we've got to get away from here before we lose everything. Before we lose each other. Betty, Betty, wait. Betty. What is it? I found the jack, honey. Betty, where's my gun? Where's my gun? In the closet. What's the matter? A cougar. It's something like a mountain lion. It's very dangerous. He's in our woods back in the house. I just saw him. Well, won't he just go away? No, he won't get away. Now, where's sport? Here's sport. It's a wonderful hunting dog. It'll be a great chance to see how he works. Oh, here you are, sport. Look at him. He's got the cell already. Now, stand aside while I let him out. All right, sport. After him, boy. After him. Hey, no. No, this way, sport. This way. Where are you going? He went back in the kitchen there. Sport, come here. Look under the stove, Bob. That's where he usually hides. Yesterday, a field mouse almost frightened him to death. Come on, sport. Sport. Come on out, boy. We're going hunting. Come on. Cougar. Cougar, boy. He's crawling back further. Sport, doctor. Oh, all right. Stay there. Betty, that dog is dishonest. Okay, sport. The hunter's gone. You can come out, Mr. Vicious. No, no, no. Stop licking me. Bob, your girlfriend's here. Harriet. Well, what could she want? Should I guess? No. Good morning, Harriet. Say, I'm in trouble. Oh, you are? What's the matter? Just about everything. My generator broke down. Oh, but you look charming. Sure, Bob. My foreman hasn't the slightest idea what to do about it. Well, I guess I can come over and give you a hand, Harriet. Oh, will you? Why don't you get Tom Kettle? He's a genius with machinery. Oh, but he's such a boy. This is a man's job. Yeah, I see what you mean. Yes. I'll be back for lunch, Betty. Well, don't rush on my account. I'll go and visit Mark Kettle. Come on in, honey. Don't stand on those ceremonies. I want you something, ma, present. For me? Yep. Gemini frizz. It's a dress. I made it myself. Well, well, dread my hide and call me a possum. I thought you might like to wear it Saturday night. You're going to dance, aren't you? Am I? Well, you just can't imagine why you went to all this trouble for me. Oh, it was fun. Well, get some cookies out of that cabinet, honey. I'll pour us some coffee. Oh, I'd love some coffee. This cabinet here? That's it, honey. I'm so sorry. Oh, pay it, no mind. Just leave it on the floor. Might as well be one place as another. You know, I used to be as neat as the next one, but Paul's an awful lazy old so-and-so, and it was fight, fight, fight all the time. So finally I give it up. I says I can't make Paul change and be neat, so I'll change and be dirty. Been peace in the house ever since. Sit down, honey. What's that you're working on, ma? This? This here's a quilt. Oh, say, it's perfectly beautiful. Figured it'll be something real nice to leave the kids when I die. Well, why don't you enter it in the county fair? Oh, I mean it, really, you should. County fair? What in tarnation fur? Well, you might win first prize. That's $500, and then you wouldn't need Tom for a while. He could enter college. Oh, take no use. Birdie Hicks will win first prize. She wangles things every year, so as one of her relations gets on the judging committee. Well, now you could try. Oh, I got a better idea, honey. When this quilt's finished, I'm giving it to you. Oh, I couldn't. No, use arguing. This here's your quilt. Now, about the dance. You and your old man's going, ain't you? Oh, I wouldn't miss it for the world. Might as a nice, strong coffee. No, why? Never put hardly no water in it. Rust the bones. Well, drink up, honey. Drink up. Love, I just can't believe it. You and I actually dancing again. Having fun? Am I? I haven't had so much fun. I'm sorry. Well, greetings isn't this quaint. Oh, this is Mr. Henty. Oh, how do you do, Mr. Henty? I've been working on Mr. Henty to give you that egg contract, Bob. I've got him practically to the signing point, haven't I, Homer? Well, of course. We don't like any new obligations these days. Don't worry, Bob. It's in the bag. Walls me round, Homer. Quite a character. Yes, isn't he? I mean her. Oh, she's all right, Betty. Money nicer than to go to all that trouble. We could sure use that egg contract. Well, let's sit down a minute, Bob. Where's Betty? Oh, she's still dancing. Having the time for a life. Now, Harriet, about those books... Can't we talk about something besides chicken? Bob, what about you and, uh, Betty? Does she like being a farmer's wife? Oh, sure. She's crazy about it. You know, men are such fools about women. Invariably, they marry the wrong ones. Oh, I wouldn't say that. All my ex-husbands did. Bob, must you sit so far away? Oh, uh... Ow! What was that? Well, something just bopped me on the head. Hey, look. It's a shoe. Darling, are you hurt? No, but, uh, parting's getting rough. Excuse me, I, uh, think I better go in. How long have you been out here? Me? Oh, I just came out this minute. Are you having a good time? Somebody hit me on the head with this shoe. No, what for? Just trying to be funny, I guess. Oh, for heaven's sake. Oh, no, don't throw it away. It's mine. Uh-huh. So it was you? Yes, now you go right out there and get it. What was the idea? It must be over there in those bushes. I repeat, what was the idea? Oh, I didn't mean to hit you, Honest. I meant to hit her. Did it hurt? Of course it hurt. Betty, I don't see why you don't like Harriet. She likes you. She said she admires you very much. Oh, now she's saying nice things about me. Well, that's just why I don't like her. I don't... You're being childish. We just walked out. I am not being childish. That barnyard glamour girl is sending a trap for you, and you're just goofy enough to fall into it. You know, I don't like the point, but you're beginning to make a noise like a jealous female, and it isn't becoming. Well, just exactly what has she got that I haven't got, except chickens. Well, for one thing, she hasn't got me, as you seem to think. Well, it's hardly noticeable. Every time I look around, you've got your heads together. It's getting monotonous. Well, I should think you could trust me. In my book, a marriage without trust doesn't amount to much. Oh, it's Miss Dreamy Puss I don't trust. Oh, thanks for the vote of confidence. You know, if I had a farm like hers and running water and plumbing, I'd have more time to concentrate on you, too. Oh, so it isn't me you're jealous about. It's her farm. Well, I'd like to see her carry a couple of pales of water every morning from the well to the house. That's all. Well, what do you want to do, Betty? Give up? All you have to do is say the words, you know. Well, when are we going to get a farm like that with machines and gadgets and little men running around all over the place, doing things? Oh, when we've earned it. Oh, did she earn it? Well, it's different with her. Her farm's a hobby. With me, it's a cause. I want to carve it out of rock with my bare hands. Yeah, and mine don't forget. Just look at them, will you? You'd never believe they used to get a manicure twice a week and never did anything rougher than play the piano. Well, if you ask me, they're being a lot more useful. You should be very proud of them. I've got a great idea. Why don't you poison me and marry her? You'd make a wonderful husband for her. Oh, fine, fine, I like that. We could spend our honeymoon in the electric chair thinking about you. What's going on in there? We better go in and see what's up. Well, what about my shoe? You don't like to interrupt the dance, folks, but it's far cattle here. Right here, Sheriff. Far, you'd better get along home. Your barn's on fire. Gee, horse would ya? I told you that still, he ought to blow up some day and buy golly, it did. But that ain't all, folks. The winds come up and we got a man-sized forest fire on our hands. Who's the new owner of the old Bailey farm? Well, that's us, Sheriff. We are. Better get moving, son. Fire's headed straight for your place. Got anything worth saving, better get it and run. Come on, better. Pause now for station identification. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System. In just a moment, we'll return with act three of The Egg and I, starring Claudette Colbert and Fred McMurray. When the same lovely face appears time after time on the covers of national magazines, Hollywood talent scouts sit up and take notice. I'm sure Miss Jane Adams, actress at Universal International, will bear me out on that statement. How about it, Jane? I guess I'm not the only girl whose job as a model led to a movie career. But I think my experience as a radio actress helped a lot, too. I'm sure it did. We remember with pleasure your early appearances on the Lux Radio Theater. You know when a producer finds dramatic talent combined with beauty, he knows he's in luck. I know what you mean by that, Mr. Keely, when I watch Ella Reigns before the camera. I used to visit the set of her new picture, the web, almost every day. Must have been an exciting picture to watch being filmed. It had some fine male stars, too. Oh, yes, Edmund O'Brien, William Bendix, and Vincent Price. A wonderful cast, and they all worked hard. Ella Reigns was married recently. Yes, she was a bride of only a few weeks when she was given her role in the web. In spite of long hours at the studio, she managed to have breakfast every day with her new husband. Only it had to be at 5 a.m. Imagine, Ella Reigns said to me, having to look one's best at 5 in the morning. Knowing, Ella, I don't think that would be too difficult. Oh, she always looks fresh as a flower with that lovely smooth skin of hers. I guess Mr. Kennedy here would say, it pays to be a luxe girl. I'd say that it's a wise girl who depends on daily luxe soap care for complexion beauty. And so would I, Mr. Kennedy. When I was a model, I learned what a really effective care, active lather facials with luxe soap can be. Ella Reigns says it's wonderful to have a care that's so easy, too. She always has luxe toilet soap in her dressing room for a quick beauty facial. Perhaps she'll tell us, Miss Adams, just how she uses her beauty soap. Well, the same way I do. I just smooth the luxe soap lather well in, rinse with warm water, then cold, and pat my face dry with a soft towel. The lather's so rich and fragrant, it's a joy to smooth it over your skin. Thank you, Miss Jane Adams. Beauty facials with luxe toilet soap really leave skin softer, smoother. Tests by skin specialists prove it. Actually, three out of four complexions improved in a short time with this gentle daily care. We return you now to William Keely. Act three of the egg and I, starting Claudette Colbert and Fred McMurray. It's early the next morning. Bob and Betty stand motionless, gazing soberly at the desolate scene above them. The fire is out, but the farm and the forest is little more than a smoldering ruin. Not very pretty, is it? Well, anyway, it rained before the house burned, too. Take a lot of building to get this place started again. Yeah, new barns, new chicken houses, plan a new orchard, a lot of work for somebody. Well, when do we begin? We. Oh, no, Betty. I know when I'm late. Well, what's the matter with you? Oh, Bob. Now, look. They built up Chicago after the fire, didn't they? And San Francisco. Well, if they could rebuild a couple of cities, we ought to be able to build up a chicken farm. Betty, you mean you want to? You really want to? Yes, I really want to. I don't want to quit, Betty. I was just thinking about you. Hey, there's a car coming. Oh, if that's Harriet's mutt Putnam. All I can say is she picked the wrong day. Hey, Betty, look. It's half the county. What are they all coming here for? I guess you're wondering why we're all here. Well, you took a bad beating here last night. Pretty much of everything gone. Now, I don't want you to get the idea we come here with charity. It's nothing of the sort. But we would like to help. So you'll just sort of stand back. We'll go to these folks here and see just how we stand. Mr. and Mrs. Patigrew. We're given two young pigs in the corn to feed them. Mr. Hanty. A two-year contract for their entire output of eggs. And a cash advance. With him reason, of course. Bob. I just don't know what to say. Mrs. Putnam. One dozen speckled sausage hens. Parkettle. Six tube affords, two pounds of nails, and a hammer and saw. And a quart of green pigs. Joe Bernheimer and wife. One week's work. Dr. Wilson. What are you thinking about, Betty? I just can't get over it. Our neighbors. All they've done to help us get started again. Me, either. Well, I guess we'll be seeing most of them at the fair today. Hey, we're going to be late. We don't hurry. Oh, take it easy. The fairgrounds don't open till 10 o'clock. Yeah, we want to get there before the crowd. Bob, I've got a terrible confession to make. I've never been to a county fair before in all my life. You haven't. Well, you haven't to live. I'll never get a chance to if Mark Hettle finds out I've ended her quilt in the competition. Oh, Bob, she's got to win first prize. She's got to. Who's judging the quilts? It's that traveling salesman. You know that impossible man, Billy Reed. Yeah, when you're out of socks or cinnamon seeds, just open the door to Billy Reed. For six months, he's been driving me crazy. You better be nice to him today, honey. If he's the judge. Oh, don't worry. I intend to. Numbers prize cows. That's quite a family resemblance, don't you think? Land of Goshen. I just got a set for a minute. Hey, Mark, can I have an echo? Oh, for goodness' sakes, Ellie. I'll give you a nickel a little while ago. Well, all right. Here's the nickel. Now, stretch it out for the rest of the day. Thanks, Mark. Ain't young and the nuisance, though. Just wait until you have yours. Well, it won't be for a while yet. It's not on our schedule. Schedule? They haven't by schedule these days? Oh, come along, Mark. Let's get over to the judging staff. You ain't gone and entered something, have you? Me? Oh, no. I'm just interested. And on the spot your hour of need, I have a friend called Billy Reed. Oh, morning, Mr. Reed. Say, that's some badge you're wearing there. Just Vice President, in charge of practically all the household judging. You don't say. Yes, ma'am. Got my own booth here, too. Need any bath salts, tea bags, sheep, dip, curtain rods, a weed killer. Got a fine line of eyeglass. Safety pins, car protection, imported sardines. Ma, I'll see you later. You gonna buy something, Mrs. Well, I might at that, Mr. Reed, if you have time before you start judging. Time? I've got all the time in the world. You got a brand of Clark's Kitchen, Clark's Grandfather, Clark's Grandfather, Clark's Grandfather. Four first prizes, are you? Well, you sure deserve them. You've got a wonderful farm. Oh, I used to think it would be so wonderful to hide away and be a lady farmer. But a prize here for the small solace on a cold winter evening. Well, that shouldn't be too hard to remedy for you. But all the best men are taken. Well, why don't you sell the farm, then? You in the market for it? Me? I'm afraid your place is way over my head. Don't be so sure. How do you take? Make me an offer. Well, I... I'd have to examine it first. Naturally. Well, I could come out tomorrow. Why not now? Now? Well, why not? Well, all right. I'll find Betty and tell her... Oh, don't be silly. We'll be back before we're even missed. Oh, yeah, well, I guess it shouldn't take long, should it? Of course not, darling. Five hundred dollars first prize award for Patchwork Quilted. After six years of top honors, Mrs. Birdie Hicks has gotten to take second place this year. Mrs. Ma Kettle. Down and chop me up for Kenland. Well, Mrs., I sure kept my part of the bargain. Yes, you certainly did, Mr. Reed. Although any fool could tell that Ma's quilt deserved first prize. A lot of folks named Hicks in this county, Mrs. Well, you can send us that portable billiard table any time you're ready. And a set of encyclopedias? That's what she said before. And a set of encyclopedias. Thanks, Mrs. Ain't sold a set of them things since 1936. Miss Betty, five hundred dollars. Yes, don't you see, Tom? Now you can go to college. Isn't that... Miss Betty, what's the matter? Miss Betty, she's fainted. Hey, hey, hey. First aid room, honey. Now, you feeling better? I sent Tom to look for Bob. Well, what happened to me? I never fainted before in my life. Honey, you better stop by Doc Wilson's. Oh, nonsense. What for? Honey, you sure you looked at the schedule lately? I just walked in. Because my husband... won't you sit down? My husband hasn't come home yet from the fair, and I thought I'd met you before. Well, we don't get around as much as we used to. Do we, Edward? I beg your pardon? Oh, this is my husband. This is Edward. Where? But there's nobody. He's so retiring. Sometimes people just don't notice Edward at all. Oh, well, how do you do? We used to have a chicken farm, too. Didn't we, Edward? Till Charlotte came. Charlotte? Yes, dear. Charlotte was just an ordinary little chicken when she was hatched. But as time went on, she got bigger and bigger and bigger until she was so high. All right, sport. I think. And that's when I began to notice that Charlotte wasn't being friendly. She used to look at us as if she could just pick us to pieces. Didn't she, Edward? And then one night, Edward and I, we heard a knock on the door, just like this. I figured I'd find you here. Oh, you. You've been a bad girl, Emily. Come along and find us again. Help us with the car, Joan. Poor soul. Hope she didn't disturb you too much. Oh, no. I enjoyed every minute of it. Emily is harmless enough. But she gets away once in a while. She always comes here, you know. Here? Oh, yes. She and her husband used to own this place. Then one day, Edward up and off with it, ran off with another gal. Ain't seen hiding a hair of him since. Drove Emily Plum Loco. You, uh, you haven't seen any sign of Bob, have you, Sheriff? No, ma'am. I haven't. Well, sleep tight. I don't sleep at night at night. He leaves me all alone. But Luna takes running all over the place. Husbands you can't see and chickens bigger than a man. You can't do this to me, Bob. I won't put up. Got a message for you, ma'am. What is it? Well, your husband says he's been delayed and not to wait up for him. Thank you. Any answer? Wait a minute. Haven't I seen you at Miss Putnam's farm? Well, that's right, ma'am. Look, oh, you do, do you? Well, there is an answer. Just tell my husband I'm through. Drink your coffee, Betty. Toast? No, thank you, mother. Well, what's upsetting you now? It's upsetting me with nothing. Don't kid me. The mailman was here and no letter from Bob. Oh, please, mother. For weeks he sent you a letter every day and for weeks you sent them back unopened. No wonder he stopped writing. If he had any real interest in me, he'd have been here months ago. In my opinion, both you and Bob are behaving very stupidly. Especially you, my darling. Not even letting him know he's about to become a father. Mother, we've been over all this. All right, all right. A perfectly good marriage, breaking up because of a lot of stubbornness. It's not stubbornness. It's eggs and Harriet Putnam. I'll never go back to and here. Never. Grandchild or not, Betty, this is undoubtedly the most beautiful baby I've ever seen in my life. Oh, mother, isn't it funny how a little bit of nothing makes everything else so unimportant? Like what, for instance? Oh, like fights and jealousies and doing crazy things that really don't make any difference anyway. Mm-hmm. Did the tickets get here yet? Tickets? What tickets? Oh, didn't Demi tell you? My train reservations. To the mountains? The chicken farm. Well, of course. I'm going back to Bob, mother, naturally. Naturally? Well, thank heaven you changed your mind. I think it's about time I changed something else, too. Hold her a second, will you, darling? Sure, glad to happen to be at Railroad Station, miss. I'm certainly glad you started a taxi business, Joe. Oh, my, it's good to be back again. Say, didn't you even change your husband to telegram? Uh-uh, I thought it'd be so much better to surprise him. You see? The baby thinks so, too. Oh, darling, just wait till you see him. He's a pretty nice fellow in many ways. Of course, he has some strange ideas about how to live, and he can be taken in by any designing female. But he's really swell. And he's awfully cute. You could do a lot worse than to grow up to be just like him. Couldn't she, Joe? Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, here we are. Well, what are we stopping here for? This is the Putnam Place. This is Bella Vista Farms. Yes, missus. It's where he lives now. Oh, no. Well, ain't you gonna go in? Go it. You turn right around and drive me back to that railroad station. Poor child. It's not your fault. He's your father. Don't you worry, darling. They say there's nothing to heredity. Oh, I only wish I had him here for one minute. I'd show him. And that woman, too. Joe, Joe, stop this taxi cab. Turn right around and take us right back to Bella Vista Farms. I won't be long, Joe. Would you mind holding the baby for a minute? Huh? Well, ain't I going to get to see nothing? No, but you're going to hear plenty. Sport, don't you two wag your tail at me, you traitor? Betty. And don't you Betty me, you bluebeard. Oh, I suppose you could hardly wait till I got out of your way so you could move in here with that silly woman and her station wagon and her automatic milkers. No, Betty, just wait a minute. And just wait till she finds out you're more interested in her automatic milkers than you are in her, that's all. Now listen to me, Betty. I gave you the best years of my life. One year. Well, it seemed like ten. And for what I'd like to know, just so you could run off with the first idiot that made googly eyes at you. Are you through? Yes, for the moment. Well, then I'd like to say something. To begin with, I'm not sharing this farm with Harriet Putnam as you seem to think. I'm living here by myself. Do you want to know why? Because my wife walked out before I had a chance to tell her that I'd bought this farm for her. You what? Yes, I bought it. I halked everything I owned in the world, or we owned, to make the down payment. I wanted to surprise you with it because you were so wonderful and worked so hard and don't think I didn't know it and didn't appreciate it. Wow. Well, then what happens? The very night I close the deal and go home, what do I find? A big sign painted on the wall. I'm through in green paint just like that. I didn't know. Well, if you'd had the decency to read my letters, you'd have known. Oh, I'm so terribly sorry. Well, well, after all, I... Oh, gosh, buddy, am I glad to see you. Now, don't cry, honey, please. Hey, you know what day this is? Happy anniversary. Oh. I mean, happy day after our anniversary. The same to you, darling. Hey, look, here's our old calendar. You remember this? What? This date, May the 11th, Mother's Day. Oh. We're a little off schedule, aren't we? But, hey, hey, where are you going? Don't worry, Dolly, we'll make it. Thanks, Joe, I'll take her now. Well, right on schedule. Huh? Well, well, yeah. Well, aren't you even going to... Sure, sure, I'm going to hold them. What's his name? Anne. Oh, well, glad to know you, Anne. Mr. Bob. Mr. Bob. Oh, we're in here, Pa. You'd better come right away. We got trouble in the chicken house. What's those water pipes again? Bursted wide open. Oh, howdy, Mrs. Howdy. Hey, them hens is going crazy. Well, let's get going. Bob, Bob, must you take the baby with you? Oh, oh. Here you are, honey. Be careful. Now, don't go away, you two. Do you see what I mean, folks? I could write a book. Bob, do wrestle with the water and Betty to wrestle with her book and turn our attention to the footlights where tonight's stars, Claudette Colbert and Fred McMurray are making a return appearance. I'm sure you two have awakened a national interest in the art of chicken farming. Well, Bill, after working with a couple of thousand legones on the set, I don't feel I could ever eat another chicken. Yeah, it's sort of difficult to eat your own co-stars. It's almost like cannibalism. You feel that way too, Fred, huh? Almost as if they were human. Well, they are sort of. I used to raise chickens when I was a kid back in Leverdam. How'd you get along with them? Well, I was usually very polite. When I went into the henhouse, I'd say, ladies, won't you set? And you found that's the way to get results, huh? Well, that's the polite approach, Bill. When that doesn't work, you shame them into it. What do you mean shame them into it? Well, you hang a sign on the hatchery saying, last one out's a rotten egg. Oh, we'd better stop this. Bill, what's hatching for next Monday night? Next week, I can promise you, we'll have our audience sitting on the edges of their chairs with Columbia's spine-tingling melodrama, Johnny O'Clock. And our stars are Dick Powell, Evelyn Keys, and Lee Cobb, all from the original screencast. Johnny O'Clock is a fast-moving mystery, combining murder, gunplay, and romance. An exciting antidote for that spring fever lethargy. I'm sure your many fans are going to love it, Bill. And speaking of luck fans, I hope you count yourself as one of them, Claudette. Oh, you're safe there. I couldn't give any better advice to the women in your audience than to pimp their faith on luck soap. That's what I do when it comes to my conflux. And I, for one, approve of the results, Claudette. Oh, thank you very much. Good night, Bill. Good night, and thanks for a very entertaining hour. Leave a brother's company and makers of luck's toilet soap. Join me in inviting you to be with us again the next Monday evening when the Lux Radio Theatre presents Dick Powell, Evelyn Keyes, and Lee Cobb in Johnny O'Clock. This is William Keely saying good night to you from Hollywood. Men, if you're between 17 and 40, or a Navy veteran of any age, now is your opportunity to join the Civilian Naval Reserve. You keep your civilian status, and for only two hours a week, receive valuable training plus a full day's pay. For further information, visit our nearest Naval Recruiting Station. The egg and I was adapted and produced for the screen by Chester Erskine and Fred F. Finkelhoff. Fred McMurray will next be seen in the Universal International Picture, Singapore. Heard in our cast tonight were Elvia Allman as Maugh Kettle, Francis Robinson as Harriet Putnam, Bill Johnstone as Paugh Kettle, and Janet Scott, Billy Roy, Tim Graham, Charles Seal, Noreen Gamill, Bill Grossell, Norman Field, Cliff Clark, Earl Lee, Lois Kennison, Howard Jeffery, Bobby Ellis, and Vance Colving. Our music was directed by Lois Silvers. This program is rebroadcast to our service men and women overseas through the worldwide facilities of the United States Armed Forces Radio Service. And this is your announcer, John Milton Kennedy, reminding you to join us again next Monday night to hear Johnny O'Clock with Dick Powell, Evelyn Keys, and Lee Cobb. Sprite. Want fried foods crisp, golden, better tasting? Try Sprite, the pure vegetable shortening for delicious, better tasting fried foods. So digestible too, the Sprite way. Be sure to listen next Monday night to the Lux Radio Theatre presentation of Johnny O'Clock with Dick Powell, Evelyn Keys, and Lee Cobb. And why not tune in to Joan Davis every Monday night over most of these stations. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.