 Item number SCP-939-J Object Class Thaumule Special Containment Procedures SCP-939-J is housed in a standard canine containment cell in Site-20. As SCP-939-J has paradoxically demonstrated a simultaneous absolute loyalty to deontological morality and the operation of the Foundation, SCP-939-J is allowed free reign throughout the facility with the accompaniment of Agent Wu. In the event of any unexplained criminal happenings, SCP-939-J is authorized to take the role of lead investigator. Security personnel are to be briefed on this protocol and on SCP-939-J's anomalous properties. Description SCP-939-J is a 50kg German Shepherd. SCP-939-J's anomalous properties are as follows. Ability to speak English. Inability to do anything preceded as morally dubious. Ability to determine the perpetrator of 93% of criminal acts occurring within a 100m radius. 93% increase in the number of criminal acts detected within a 100m radius. Even corrupted recordings. Please note that SCP-939-J didn't actually do the things described in these logs, these are just here for posterity. Researcher Dinkley. Incident 20F-90 Crime Dr. Edward Jones bound dead in Site-20 breakroom. Audio Log Agent Smith had recently entered a Site-20 breakroom with SCP-939-J and was conversing with Dr. Jones over coffee. Audio Log Agent Smith. Mind if I sit here? Dr. Jones. Not at all. I'm in the market for some pals. Agent Smith. Well, I'm always looking for more, the name's James, you. Ed, what's the dog's name? Ed Smith. He's actually a skip. 93-9J. Dr. Jones. Stop fucking calling me that. Agent Smith. Is he safe to pet? Dr. Jones. Yeah, he's a sweet little guy. Dr. Jones. Come here, sunshine! You'll get your petting. Intense growling punctuated with a snapping sound can be heard for the next 10 seconds, followed by the sound of blood splattering. – This man's been shot. – The perpetrator probably used a gun. The jury's still out on whether or not they also used bullets. – Like holy shit, 939J, they must have shot him so much that his head got torn clean off. – Hmph. – Wait a second. Who the hell shot him? Everybody get down! – Hey everybody, Agent Smith just shot someone! – Huh, guess it sometimes just be like that, sorry. – Post-incident report, Agent Smith was apprehended and demoted to Class D for his unprovoked murder of Dr. Jones. – Incident 20F22 – Crimes, attempted theft of an SCP object, destruction of Foundation property, attempted breach of Foundation security, jaywalking. – Agent Rosencrantz was walking SCP-939J in the Site-20 Recreation Yard at the time of the incident. – Begin log. – Take me off this leash, or I will discover the resonant frequency of your brain and play it with an instrument constructed from your entrails! – Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? – Okay, fuck it. – There's a crime happening over that wall and it needs your attention. – Crap, I'll call security. – No, they'll be too slow. You need to blow a hole in the wall and get out there now. – Sharp as always, 939J. I know I can count on you. – Agent Rosencrantz fired multiple rounds into the concrete wall surrounding the Site-20 Recreation Yard before inserting a grenade, blowing a sizable hole in the wall. – Here, follow me. – Across that road, there's no stop sign or anything there. – You work in a building with hundreds of McGuffins and you're concerned about traffic? – Road safety is no joke. – Unlike you. – SCP-939J proceeds to run across the road. – Hey, that dog just jaywalked. – Fuck off, it was the idiot behind me. – Hey, that idiot just jaywalked. – Wait, multiple gunshots are heard from the Site-20 Guard Tower, followed by a dull thud. – Post-incident report. Agent Rosencrantz was shot by the guards overlooking the Site-20 Recreation Yard for attempting to deliver SCP-939J to GOI-8305 and jaywalking.