 What's going on you guys? Welcome to the single guy channel. My name is Lloyd. I am not the single guy, but I Do have a topic to talk about and that's how to form deep Connections so this is something that I like to pride myself on being very good You know, I'm the type of guy who doesn't really like a girlfriend But I do enjoy making a deep connection with somebody. Okay This is something that I value more and more as time goes on So what I'm going to talk about today is I'm going to talk about a story that will hopefully show you guys what deep connection is How to not form a deep connection and how to form a deep connection So what are some of the things that guys generally do that don't really work that well for forming a deep connection? And still feels very surface level because I find sometimes well guys will go out and they'll be trying to go for this But they don't really know what they're doing. So that's what we're going to talk about in today's video So the first thing that I wanted to start with is an experiment that was actually done a little while ago So they had this whole setup in college where they almost always do these experiments in college where they had a bunch of different groups of people Okay, and in They would pair men and women up and they would ask them some questions. So the first time they paired them up They had them say hey, why don't you talk about stuff that you're interested in? Okay, tell me tell me about yourself like where you're from your interests and those kinds of things, okay? So for the group that talked about interests, they had them rate their level of connection towards the other person at the end of the sheet And at the end of it after they shared their interests, you know, they've rated that they were you know closer to the other person, okay? They switched people the next group They said why don't you talk about some of your goals and passions that you have? So they started talking about their goals what they'd like to do in the future their passions And then they rated their connection towards the other person at the end of that, okay? And they rated their scores higher than the the previous one then they switched again The final group the final time they said hey talk about a time where you tried Really really hard at something and failed Talk about a time that was really traumatic for you Talk about a time that you experienced an incredible amount of pain the final group Performed so well they felt so connected to each other that several of the groups ended up dating each other Afterwards and one of them even got married. What should that tell you? That tells you that although connecting on interest is good although connecting on you know goals and passions is even better The thing that people connect the best on is pain when we are going through life When you are doing an action everything that we do is to try and avoid pain Even why I started this frickin YouTube channel was to teach my so not to teach myself, but was to get rid of the pain that I experienced my journey on This was all of the pain that I experienced the constantly being turned down the seeing the girls that I liked hook up with my friends The pouring my heart out to a girl and her just flat out turning me down after I had done everything for her That level of pain that I went through again and again and again was something that I didn't want to experience in the future So I was going to do whatever it took to figure out a way to get over and luckily I did But that was a big motivation for why I started this channel my accomplish everything that I accomplished It was to get rid of pain That's the biggest motivation for why people do anything in life And if you can connect with somebody on that then you know them shared trauma is one of the biggest Aphrodisiacs there is if you've been through hell with somebody you can't help but be connected with them That's why when you're about to join a fraternity or something like that There's like people usually haze and it's not because they just enjoy seeing people suffer. Well, a lot of the guys do Let's be real But it's an exercise to build camaraderie typically guys that go through a rush when it in a fraternity They become really really good friends after our best friends because they've gone through so much suffering together No one can appreciate what they've been through besides themselves because they've both done it So what does this tell you? How can you implement this in your own life a? Lot of people when they go out on dates. They want to talk about their interests They want to talk about all the fun things that they'd like to do in the future. Where would you like to travel to? I talk about those things all the time. I think they're great but if you really Want to make a deep connection at some point in time you're going to have to talk to Accept and understand the pain somebody has gone through and if they can show you their deepest darkest most painful moments with you if they can be themselves with you and Admit that to you then they are going to achieve a level of connection with you that 99.99% of the other guys are people on the planet sometimes they're even sometimes their parents won't even be able to get Women tell me this all the time that I that the fact that they can be open with it The fact that they can share these things with me like it makes them feel safe around me It makes them feel comfortable It makes them feel really connected and warm when they're around me And it's because that I know that painful moments in people's lives aren't something to be pushed to the side Aren't something to be forgotten. There's something that you have to deal with there's something that and yeah Sure, I'm not saying that you should just be crying over your issues and being super vulnerable all the time and acting weak That's not what I'm saying when I'm saying is that when you find a person that can accept your, you know, biggest painful secrets and everything That that is going to be the person that you connect the best with so yes Interest can help passions can help all those stuff can help But I find that when you can connect on pain core pain to somebody's being and If they understand that about you then you feel insanely connected to them, you know I suffer from a lot of health problems I have a lot of issues with women from my past that I've most pretty much all gotten over, you know, I've You know, I'm doing pretty good right now But I know how to express those things to other people and as a result even though I'm not necessarily the most monogamous person I feel very deeply connected to the women that I date because I know that they've you know I know maybe they were the fat kid when they were when they were in high school and they got teased All throughout their formative years I know when they were when they were when they had some sort of disability or like a nervous twitch And they were made fun of all throughout grade school I know when their father passed away and it was like a very important person in their life And they feel lost now and they don't know what to do I understand those pain points and so I understand them and if you're this guy You're gonna be the guy that women say, you know what this guy gets me this guy Understands me. He knows where I'm coming from and where I'm going and he accepts who I am and if you want to be that guy Then you have to be comfortable talking about this stuff and you really truly have to accept somebody for who they are Everybody has a painful past Everybody has moments and stories that are hard for them to talk about that they don't want to talk about with other people But if they do and the other person accepts them then they will be more connected to them Okay, so the first step to being able to get people to do this is get comfortable talking about them yourself If you could talk about your hard moments and by the way I don't want you to talk about these things and look to the other person and expect them to solve them for you That's not the way you do it. That's not just being vulnerable. That's being weak But if you can talk about painful moments in your life being able to express that to another person not asking for anything in Return then they will be more comfortable to share their stories with you as well too And that's how you can make a very very deep connection with somebody This is not something that people talk about especially on a dating channel But it's something that I think is incredibly important and if you do want to have a deep connection with somebody whether it's going to be Your girlfriend wafer or you're just seeing this girl and you really like her and you know You want to form a deeper connection with her you're just hooking up. I think it's a great thing to do too Okay, if everybody accepted each of us for a deepest and darkest secrets and supported us through them Then I think the world would be a lot better place. Okay, rather than you know all the judgment and negativity that goes on So yeah, be a force for light and if you want to have a deeper connection with somebody I think the way to it is through pain. You won't be able to share this immediately You won't be able to start talking like right after that. Hey, tell me your most painful experience now This is like you know after you guys have talked for a while, you know, that's when that's when you can You can when there's a baseline level of attraction there then you can go into this and it will take it to the next level Cool. Well, this is something that I talk about a lot in my programs. I coach guys on this So if you're interested in that there's a link in the description box below. Thanks for watching you guys