 how to cope with the narcissist this is a video request for one of my subscribers who asked because of financial circumstances we have to stay with the knock how do we manage our time with them so that we may stay safe and sane until if ever we can get out first i'd like to begin by describing what you are most likely dealing with in this narcissistic relationship understand that nothing a narcissist says does or thinks says anything about your value as a person a narcissist cannot recognize your value it's like giving a hundred dollar bill to a toddler they're just going to tear it up they're not going to recognize the value of the hundred dollar bill so don't believe anything the narcissist says about you their thoughts and ideas are not credible as they are operating from an abusive and manipulative mindset they are filled with hate anger and envy so naturally everything they say is going to be biased and against you the narcissist was either abused neglected or didn't live a life as fulfilling or satisfying as they would have wanted to they felt limited in their progress from a young age so now you must be abused neglected and live an unfulfilled dissatisfying life Dr. Ross Rosenberg's human magnet syndrome states that narcissists and co-dependents are attracted to each other co-dependents are also known as people with self-love deficit disorder so if you are in a relationship with a narcissist it is most likely that you are a co-dependent or SLD self-love deficit SLDs often appear to have no self-belief on the surface but deep down they might have some belief in themselves with narcissists it's the other way around on the surface they are arrogant and boastful portraying an illusion that they do have self-belief but this is only the tip of the iceberg because underneath that is a lot of self-hate anger and envy narcissists have lost the belief in themselves this is why their mission is now to sabotage anyone who does believe in themselves they will try to change your perception of yourself and the world around you when people do things like this it should tell you that they are miserable and not happy with their lives they are very envious people especially envious of empathic people who are highly sensitive to their experiences in the world the narcissist could have 100 times more than you and still not be as satisfied as you are narcissists all secretly hate each other they act like they're all together but that couldn't be further from the truth it's just an illusion they've created it to make it look like it's only you that they don't like they want to single you out but the truth is they all hate each other they're just pretending to be together to make you believe that there is something wrong with you if a person felt no hate anger or envy there would be no motive to abuse or manipulate another individual so anytime the narc tries to abuse you just remember that let it be a reminder to you that you are above them and they are obsessively trying to bring you down to their pathetic level they end up doing things even they thought they would never be doing because they're so impulsive and reckless they become more and more abusive their narcissism becomes biological the worst part is they can't even see it because they have no self-awareness and they never self-reflect narcissists will target your boundaries they want to be the exception to your rules the narcissist does not respect themselves so they do not recognize any self-respect that you may have as a child the narcissist had no boundaries or privacy as this narcissistic child grows up they will set extreme boundaries for themselves and pathologically try to eliminate your boundaries that is the only way that they can feel comfortable no boundaries is definitely psychologically damaging for both the narcissist and its victims narcissists hate boundaries more than anything they want to maintain their dysfunctional ways of thinking so they demolish your boundaries to regain their power and control over you in their minds they feel so powerless and out of control they can control themselves so they try to control you you are also an object or an extension of them they believe that they own your mind body and soul it is their property and not yours your life is their life and they should be in control of it they have tried so hard to keep your boundaries down now any tempt to rebuild them no matter how small deeply hurts them breaking your boundaries becomes an addiction to them where they get a dopamine hit in their brains every time they do it it becomes an endless obsession a loop which they cannot get out of no matter how hard they try but although they believe they have the power and control by breaking your boundaries they actually don't you have total control over them and everything they do they are dependent on you like a drug though they can never get that first high they are living in an endless nightmare chasing a feeling they will never find these individuals get themselves caught up in a lot of stuff where they cause self injuries and self destruction so you have two options to cope with a narcissist you could go no contact which means no contact in person on the phone text social media or email but in most situations the narcissist will make you financially dependent on them which is a common tactic they all use to prevent you from leaving the relationship the only other option is to use the gray rock method this method can be very effective and should allow you to keep your sanity and positivity while still remaining in the relationship it involves keeping the narcissist out of your head while they are still in your life the gray rock method is a method of interacting with a narcissist which creates disinterest it breaks the supply of energy which you would normally be transferring to the narcissist it helps to prevent them from sucking the lifer of you as they would normally do you become a dull gray rock born and disinterested narcissist feed off chaos drama and dysfunction they will do or say whatever it takes to provoke a negative reaction from you so the gray rock method involves removing or toning down your reactions to the narcissist you can either do this all at once or you can gradually tone down your emotional responses whether they are positive or negative do not tell the narcissist that you're practicing the gray rock method limit your conversation and do not re reveal your thoughts or motions to them let them do most of the talking and keep your responses as short as possible two or three words do not share anything positive or negative with the narcissist there is a risk to using this method the narcissist might ramp up their game to see if they can break through your gray rock method and get you to react if you still do not react they are going to give up as they are no longer receiving narcissistic supply from you they will move on to look for a more convenient source of supply another risk is that over long periods of time you could be teaching yourself to live in a disassociative state of mind you could be dimming your own light but this risk can be prevented by spending time with people who are not narcissists you need to have time to be yourself your true self another risk of using the gray rock method is that the narcissist might discard you the purpose of discarding is for when they see you as not being efficient enough for them anymore they believe that they have completed their mission i will do a video on the discard phase of a narcissistic relationship soon but if there is a possibility that this could happen to you i would recommend you ensure that you have the financial capability to leave or supportive family and friends or anyone else who can help you you might feel comfortable in your current situation but ask yourself is this really how you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who can never truly appreciate or love you someone who can never give you what you want there is so much more to live for than that but by now you should know that the narcissist isn't even about that you will never be genuinely happy with a narcissist you will never live a fulfilling life you will only settle for the bare minimum because that is all they are really capable of and they have no belief or motivation to achieve anything greater than what you already see