 I'm the Comic Weekly Man, the Jolly Comic Weekly Man. And I'm here to read the funnies to you, happy boys and honey. Yes, boys and girls, it's Comic Weekly Time. And here I come right into your house to bring a little fun and happiness. Right out of the pages of Fuck the Comic Weekly, straight into your living room, your friend, the Comic Weekly Man, the Jolly Comic Weekly Man. Hello, hello, hello. Hello, hello, hello. Well, little Miss Honey, how are you today? Oh, I'm just fine. Doing what? Sliding in the snow. Oh, isn't that fun? Yes, we had the first snow slide. Well, I went skating the other day, and I went sliding, sliding, sliding too. Are you a good skater? Oh, very good. When I don't skate on my feet, I skate on my bottom. Just sliding, sliding, sliding. Isn't that funny? Well, it wasn't funny to me when I slipped and landed kabunk. Yes, they did. But it was funny. Fuck the Comic Weekly? Yes. Very well, I'll read that in just a moment. But before I do, let's listen to this nice man. Now, here we go with Puck the Comic Weekly. And on top of the first page, Hop along Cassidy. Magic words for the music, please. Very well, my lady. Six guns blazing as he thunders along. Give us music for Hop along. Hoppy has learned that a man named Meeker has been smuggling rifles to the Indians. Accompanied by a marshal from Pike's Landing, the trail has led him to a logging camp where a crew of men have been secreting rifles in hollowed out logs which have been set down the river. Hoppy had gone up to the logging camp alone to investigate. When he doesn't get back to join them, California, Lucky and the marshal become impatient. California says, Hey, what in thunder's keeping Hoppy up at that logging camp all each time? The marshal replies, Well, let's get up there and find out. As they get to the top of the hill, last picture top row, they see the logging crew preparing to leave. The marshal calls, Hey, wait! Shot at his answer. The marshal in California duck behind a tree. The men ride off. Lucky sees one of them still on foot and goes after him. The man turns on him in a hand-to-hand fight ensues. Lucky's getting the worst of him. His opponent gives him a clip on the jaw, knocking him down and then draws his gun. Before he can pull the trigger, the marshal drops him. Last picture, second row, Lucky looks at the man on the ground in front of him and says, Gee, thanks, marshal. I thought he had me. The marshal replies, Well, he can't tell us anything. And the others got away. Meanwhile, first picture got him row, a short distance away. The escape crooks pause alongside the river, where the logs are floating past. The leader says to his men, Well, there goes our last delivery. Head for town. We got a report to Meeker before iron claws rent a gate stage their attack on Pike's lantern. Further downstream, the logs float around the bend. And there, black john and the Indian chief iron claw watch, as the Indian braves wade out into the river, grab the logs and pull them into a backwash. And then the logs are pushed into a cave, and the top's taken off. As one of the logs is opened, they find within a man, bound hand and foot. The chief exclaims, That not rifles. Black john exclaims gleefully, Veteran rifles. It's Cassidy. Yes, it doesn't look very good for Hoppy. And all the Marshal can ever catch him would just lucky in California. No, but we'll find out now next week whether they'll discover what happened to Hoppy. Now? Well, now, my colleague. All right, over the page we go. And you were right. Here he is on page three, like always. And this I'm so anxious to find out about, because you remember that boltire, that sea pirate, had been out in and put in a dungeon because he broke the rules of the new treaty. Yes, and Tillica, Malita's maid, had rescued him and set him free. And then boltire thought that she must love him because of that, and so he came to the sea. And when he turned her loose on board his ship, she snatched a knife from his belt to attack him. Yes, and that was when he let's him go, and then he kidnaps her because he thinks she loves him, and then she wants to kill him. You know, I don't understand this. Let's see what happens next. Very well, here we go with Prince Valiant in the days of King Arthur. Eckert, Brachert, Graeme Hulken and Quintz, music romantic for a fair, fair prince. Tillicum slashes at boltire with his knife. He thrusts up his hands, and his wrist is cut. He lets out a yell. And then she turns, leaping like a deer and disappears into the sea. Last picture top row, boltire clasping his bleeding wrist and bellowing like a maddened bull sends two swimmers to bring her back. In a second, two men are in the water. They quickly capture Tillicum and bring her back to the ship. A moment later, first picture second row, Tillicum stands before boltire, dripping wet. Boltire shouts at her. You are mine. Understand? Mine. Tillicum pulls her arms, and she tells him that her tribe gave her to the sun woman, who was Elita, to care for the fair god, Prince Arm. And she serves only them. Boltire gives orders to his men, and she's locked her in the cabin. Back over the cabin and lock her. Then orders are given for the ship to be cast off. The fair is cast off. But before the ship can get underway, smoke is seen pouring from the cabin door. Last picture second row, Tillicum has found a way to set fire to the ship. Boltire shouts. Quickly, the door is broken through. Then Tillicum is dragged from the suffocating smoke first picture bottom row. Left lying on deck, while the men quickly haul water from the sea and try to stop the fire. For a while, Tillicum lies on the deck perfectly still. And then, when no one is watching, she gets to her feet. And like a fleeting shadow, leaps into the water and is gone. By the time she's noticed, she is swung close to shore. And it is too late to bring her back. Last picture, down from the cliffs come King Agwar's horsemen, who have been sent to recapture Boltire. Boltire growls in order, and the ship moves toward the windy sea, as he sadly watches Tillicum swimming to shore and out of his life. Yes, that was a mighty temperamental woman. Yes. Well, it means she's got a temper in that she can't be controlled. Oh, well, she said... Yes, you bet. Well, next week we'll find out if Tillicum gets back home all right. Yes, and maybe we'll find out. Yes, maybe we will. Now? Well, now, Mars. Oh, yes, I remember. Last week, Flash had succeeded in capturing the queen, and he had gotten aboard his own rocket ship. But when he turned the switch to take off, he found out that the Martians had fixed the ship so that it couldn't run. And then he told Flash that he was her prisoner again, and I'm anxious to see what'll happen. Very well, let's go over to the very last page of the first section. The very last page of the first section. And here we go with Flash Gordon. A riga-riga-doon-doon saskam-a-tash. Let's have music for heroic flash. It's escaped from Mars, foiled when Queen Menta's rocket-port guards remove the atom-fuel from his spaceship. Flash is once again a prisoner of the Martians. Menta curtly orders the little band to follow her as she heads for a parked air car. They settle in the car, obeying her, settle down, and the car takes off. To their surprise, Menta flies her captives in a tour of her well-guarded military bases. She mocks them and tells them that the reason for this is so they report to Earth that their puny planet Earth is at her mercy any time she chooses to conquer it. Last picture, top row. They enter a huge arsenal. Menta asks them if they notice the omnivore on guard outside. She sees Flash doesn't know what she's talking about, so she hands Flash a plastic case with a small, ugly-looking animal inside. She tells him that that's an omnivore and that they eat wood, metal, and everything except the secret plastic which they're stored in. The omnivores stored in the arsenal are shrunk and frozen for space travel. And she asks them to think what the omnivores could do to the planet Earth. First picture, bottom row. Link, startled at the thought, drops one of the plastic tubes with a strange animal inside. Instantly, the omnivore springs to fierce hungry life, growing larger with every breath. Menta shouts at him to run that the omnivore is a man-eater. In a moment, the omnivore is a large, huge dragon. The last picture, thrashing wildly, the freed omnivore lunges against the stockpile of plastic containers, loosing a horde of hungry beasts. The enraged space dragon leaps toward Dale, Flash flasks away at him, but the rays hard-event the monster's armored scales. Nearer and nearer he comes to Dale his huge mouth-opening, revealing huge tusks and a darting, poisonous tongue. It certainly is as huge as a dragon. Yes. As flash as really in danger. I can't wait to see if they get away all right. Well, we'll find out about that next week. But now, it's time for Dagwit and Blondie. Oh, yes. So we won't ferry, let's be merry, with Dagwit and Blondie. Ramaphow, Ramazom, Zimzimzombie, Konjimi Music for Dagwit and Blondie. Dagwit and Blondie are out shopping to buy Blondie a new hat. As they stop in front of the millinery store, Blondie tells Dagwit to come in the shop with her. Dagwit says plaintively, Oh, please, please, don't make me go in there. I'll wait outside. I get awfully nervous in women's shops. You go by yourself, I'll wait out here. So Blondie goes in the shop by herself. Dagwit leans up against the front of the shop, smoking his pipe. And he says cheerfully, last picture top row. I can just stand and watch them go by by the hour. At that moment, a lady comes down the street. She passes in front of Dagwit, about to go in the store. Suddenly a crook makes a leap for her. Snatchers are pursed and dashes off down the street, first picture next row. Dagwit's seeing this, dashes after the crook and a second later, three policemen come running up. The lady shouts, Quick officer, that man stole my purse! And down the street the policeman goes. Last picture, second row, Dagwood catches up with the thief, makes a flying tackle at him, and brings him to the sidewalk. As the thief lies there stunned, first picture, third row, Dagwood picks up the purse and starts back to the lady with it. Suddenly, the three policemen come dashing around the corner. They see Dagwood with the purse in his hand, and he says, Oh, here's your purse, lady! You're under arrest, you! As they throttle Dagwood last picture, third row, the lady runs up and says, Oh, officers, officers, you've made a horrible mistake. That's not the thief. The policeman get up and walk off ashamed of themselves for having made such a mistake. The lady puts her arms around Dagwood, first picture, bottom row, and she says, My hero, I'll repay you for recovering my purse with a big kiss. Dagwood growls, Hey, lady, lady, don't, don't, my wife's in that shop. And he tears himself away and dashes into the store. Last picture, he tiptoes over to a chair and sits down like a little boy who has come into school late. Blondie turns around and asks if he got bored waiting outside. Dagwood just looks at the floor, shy as the violet, and says, Nothing. Well, then he decided to go into the shop after all. Yes, and doesn't he look silly sitting in that tiny chair with his eyes cast down that way. Yes. Well, now what? Oh, look, here's Roy Rogers and his Dagwood. And we'll read that in just a moment. But first, here's that nice man again with something interesting to say. Now here we go again with Puck the Comic Weekly. And at the bottom of the first page of the second section, Roy Rogers, King of the Cowboys. Magic words for the music, please. Very well, my lady. Ah, yep, I owe. Now here we go with Roy and Trigger. Ah, yep, I owe. Roy had delivered Mr. Norton and Carp Mallory to jail and was saying goodbye to his friend Jack Spratt when he heard a voice he remembered. It turned out to be Dolfel Hawkins who was sad about everything. Roy discovers that Dolfel has had a job guarding cattle on the railroad. He tells Roy that since he's taken the job he's had nothing but trouble, that a carload of steers had disappeared. Roy, who is taking the same train, leads Trigger aboard one of the car's third picture. He says to Dolfel, Hey, you know Dolfel, if I'll hoots can steal one car at a time, why not grab the whole train? Dolfel replies, Yeah, they're working up to that, Roy. Glad to have you along on this trip when it won't do no good. Last picture, top row, some time later, the train passes through a mountain gap. Roy, still thinking over the problem with the stolen carload of steers, is saying to Dolfel, You know, my guess, Dolfel, is that somebody's got a grudge against the line or rushers aim to steal beef on the hoof before it reaches the South Gap Shipping Center. Dolfel looks out and says, We're slowing down for Fargo Tunnel. Watch out for grubble. And Dolfel is right. For unseen by the engineer or anyone on the train, first picture bottom row, a gloved hand parts the bushes above the tunnel and a cluster of explosives dangles over the spot the train must pass. As the train comes out of the tunnel, the hand drops the explosives into the smokestack. Last picture, the mountain air is split by a terrific explosion that blows the engine apart and the train off the track. So do I, it's a lucky thing he was riding farther back on the train and not on the engine car or he would have been. I think that's it. We'll find out more about it next week. Now? All right, let's turn over the page and see if she's... Here she is. Yes, here she is. And I'm anxious to read about this because you remember Alice had come to the Garden of the Ugly Queen. And the Queen was going to play a game of croquet. The Cheshire cat hooked the mallet under her skirt. And then when she swung, she tripped herself into a big, big heap and oh, she was angry. She was so angry that she blamed Alice for it and she's holding a trial to sentence Alice. But before, you remember, she wanted to chop off her head. I hope that won't happen now. Well, let's read right now and find out. So here we go with Alice in Wonderland. Say the magic words with me. And now for a story that gets curiouser and curiouser. Alice in Wonderland. So music, sir, music, sir. The day of the trial has come. The Queen sits on her throne high, high above Alice, who stands in the prisoner's dock with a card guard beside her. The Queen looks at tiny Alice and says, No, are you ready for sentence? Alice exclaims tremulously. Sentence? But there must be a verdict first. The Queen thunders, Sentence first, verdict afterwards. Alice looks hopefully into the jury box where all the strange birds of Wonderland sit. But not one in that strange jury speaks up for her. They just listen intently as the curious trial goes on. The Queen bangs the table about to sentence Alice. And then Alice finds last picture top row the two pieces of magic mushroom in her apron. Hopefully she pops both into her mouth. And she exclaims, And first picture bottom row Alice is so huge she towers above the Queen and she shakes her finger in the Queen's face and says, Your Majesty, you're just a pompous, bad tempered tyrant. But there were two pieces of mushroom and the mushroom works both ways. And the next instant Alice is shrinking again and she becomes smaller and smaller and smaller. And finally she is back to her same tiny size and the Queen towers above her again. The Queen looks down at Alice and roars, Yes, what were you saying, my dear? Alice looks around in fear as the card guards close in on her third picture bottom row and then the Queen roars. And before the guards can seize her, Alice hurls herself through the swarming cards in a desperate dash for freedom. Something she didn't do. You're quite right. Alice wasn't to blame for what happened to the Queen. No, and it's wrong to punish something for somebody for something somebody else did. That's right. But we'll find out what happened if Alice escapes next week. Now? Oh, now it's time for disadvantage. Yes, so let's turn to the very, very last page. The last page. And there he is. Yes, and I'm anxious to read this because Dick's in the early days of America. Yes, with Captains Lewis and Clark who are going to start a new expedition going into the undiscovered, unexplored Wild West. And last week they're going down the river and I'm anxious to find out about this because they're going to go through a wild Indian country, aren't they? Yes, so let's find out about that now. Here we go with Dick's Adventures. Say the magic words with me. Rigiddy pack, kizak, kizik. Let's have music for adventurous Dick. The barge starts slowly up the Missouri River. The date is May 14th, 1804. For a moment Dick watches. Then wheels his horse and gallop's eastward bearing momentous news. Two weeks of hard riding brings Dick last picture top road to the executive mansion in the nation's new capital at Washington. On identifying himself as a member of the Lewis and Clark expedition he is admitted at once. He goes into a large room first picture next row. The room is crowded with foreign diplomats magnificently dressed. From their midst steps forth the familiar figure clad in homespun and worn slippers. The man is Thomas Jefferson, third president of the United States. There is a hasty to whispered conference between Jefferson and Dick. As soon as Jefferson receives Dick's message he turns to the group of men and says to them last picture, second row. Gentlemen, gentlemen. The ambassadors from England, France, Spain and Russia are fortunate. You will now hear news that has not yet wholly reached our American people. He nods to Dick and then first picture bottom row was everyone listening. Dick speaks. Captains Lewis and Clark with a party of soldiers, hunters and scouts have started. With God's help we'll pierce the wilderness west of the Mississippi to the shores of the Pacific. Immediately the diplomats from the various countries step up to Jefferson to wish the American people through him good luck. Dick watches as he sees them shaking Jefferson's hand. Behind the masks of diplomatic goodwill Dick senses the suspicion and antagonism of the great European powers. A few minutes later last picture Dick has gone to his horse with the intention of mounting and riding swiftly west to St. Louis and catch up with the slower moving expedition. As he's about to mount a foreign officer steps out of the shadows and says, will you come with me? It will be to your interest. Officer means Well, you remember that Dick noticed that the foreign diplomats who were wishing Jefferson goodwill didn't really seem to mean what they were saying. Oh, you mean this is one of those men? Yes, that's right. Well, I wanted to do. That's something we'll find out next week. But I hope. Well, so do I. But now look underneath Dick's adventures. Here's Rusty Riley. Oh, yes. Mr. Miles brought to that Vivian, that smart alecky boy to the Miles farm. Yes, Vivian had come speeding down the road and was arrested. And Mr. Miles was called and succeeded in convincing the sergeant of police to let Vivian come home with him until the time for the trial. And there was that big fat Englishman with that big walrus mustache and he had schemed to come to the Miles Stone farm because he knew that Vivian was coming there. I'm anxious to find out more about him too. Well, let's read right now and see if we do learn more about him. Here we go with Rusty Riley. Gallop and run until the road is dusty. Give us music for his horse and Rusty. Mr. Miles and Tex were having a little chat. Mr. Miles is worried that he's going to have a lot of trouble with Vivian. But Tex tells him that he thinks Vivian's biggest trouble is his name. That because his name is Vivian, he's trying to act tough to prove to everyone that he's not a sissy. So Mr. Miles decides to have a talk with Vivian. Last picture top row, Tex says to Rusty, Rusty, throw it over to the garage and tell young Mr. Peters that Mr. Miles wants to see him. Oh, and Rusty, how about calling him let's see, his last name's Peters. How about calling him Pete? Hey, that's a good idea, Tex. I've been trying to think up a nickname for him. Moment later, Rusty enters the garage where Vivian is polishing his car. First picture bottom row. He says, Oh, hiya, Pete. Mr. Miles wants to see in his study. Vivian looks up and surprise and exclaims, Pete? Huh? You mean me? Hey, I kind of like that name. Okey-doke, I'll go right in. I suppose I'm in for a ball and out. A few minutes later, Mr. Miles is saying to Vivian, uh, my boy, your adopted father has made me responsible for you while he's in the hospital abroad. Now, the police tell me that you were driving with only a learner's permit. You're supposed to be accompanied by a licensed driver. Well, y-yes, sir, that's right, but, well, I just took a chance so I'd have my car while I was staying here. Well, my boy, you broke one lawn taking that chance. And another by speeding. You deserve punishment. But the judge is putting you in my charge. Now, I'm ordering you not to drive that car until after you have a license. Oh, gee, Mr. Miles, that means I'll have to wait two months till after my birthday. Gosh, uh, oh, well, okay. Meanwhile, at the Milestone Gate, last picture, a big car slows down and comes up the drive. In the rear seat sits Sir Percival, the Englishman, and in the front is his friend, Nobby, acting as chauffeur. Sir Percival is saying, we must make the best of our time, Nobby. We can only rent this car a few days. And don't forget to be surprised now when we see that kid. Nobby replies. Very good, Sir Percival. And you better stop calling me Nobby now. I'll be your man, Nob, sir. Texas to call Vivian Pete. Yeah. And I'm glad that Vivian likes to be called Pete Derek. Yes. Now maybe Vivian or Pete will stay out of trouble now since Mr. Miles is still speeding around the country. I hope so. Yes, I hope so. And I wonder what that Englishman that Sir Percival is going to milestone farm for. Well, I know it's not for any good, but we'll find out more about that next week. Now that's all the time I have. But before I go, here's that nice fellow with some more interesting information. Well, honey, and all you boys and girls, I've got to go now. All right, Mr. Connick Weekly, man, but I'll be waiting for you next week. OK. That's a date for boys and girls. Be sure to meet me with our little friend, Miss Honey, next week when I read Puck the Comic Weekly. For I'm the comic weekly man, the jolly comic weekly man. I'll be back to read the bunnies to you happy boys and honey. Don't forget, boys and girls, see you all next week. Your friend, the comic weekly man, the jolly comic weekly man.