 The Grape Nuts and Grape Nuts Flakes program coming to you from the Marine Corps Air Station at El Toro, California and starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day, Rochester and yours truly, Don Wilson. Talking to himself, the scene is late in this man's office and as he sits there shuffling papers he says, oh, now it's 11 a.m. Certainly seems like a year since breakfast and it seems like another year to lunch. In fact, will lunchtime ever come around? Well, it serves that guy right because that's exactly the way time does drag out. If you start the day with a sip and run breakfast instead of the nourishing meal you need after a fast of 10 or 12 hours. What's more, dietitians tell us the adequate breakfast should include a cereal with whole grain nourishment. So feature Grape Nuts Flakes. Here are two distinctive, multi-rich cereals that certainly do supply whole grain nourishment and they also supply something else. Genuine appetite enjoyment, really distinctive flavor. Grape Nuts Crisp and Crunchy, Grape Nuts Flakes, Tempting Toasty Brown Flakes. Yes, friends, eat a good breakfast, do a better job and don't miss out on those two swell tasting cereals, Grape Nuts and Grape Nuts Flakes. Ladies and gentlemen, from the air station at El Toro, California, home of the rough tough fighting marines, we bring you a civilian, Jack Benny. Thank you, thank you. Hello again, this is Jack Benny talking and Don, where do you get that stuff introducing me as a civilian? Can't you recognize a marine when you see one? But Jack. Look Don, how many hairs have I got on my head? Three. There, there you are, I'm a sergeant. Jack, if you're a marine, how come you're not wearing a uniform? Because this is Sunday and it's my day off. That's how come. Now wait a minute, Jack, what are you talking about? There are thousands of marines stationed here, why haven't they got a day off? Don, they were offered a day off but they saw the town of El Toro and voted against it. Start it with your, oh, hello, Mary. Hello, Jack. All right, listen to that. Say, Mary, Jack and I have been talking about the camp here. How do you like being at a marine station? Oh, it's all right, but it's the last time I'll ever go up in an airplane with one of these aviators. Now, Mary, that isn't a nice thing to say. Oh, no, as soon as we got behind a cloud, he tried to kiss me. Well, what do you know, a flying wolf? He, he, he tried to kiss you, huh? Yeah, but I wouldn't let him, so he threw off the parachute. Well, what's wrong with that? I was wearing it. Oh, oh, oh. Gee, Mary, you mean to say that you really made a parachute jump? Yes, and was I embarrassed, I pulled the wrong string. Oh my goodness. Well, anyway, Mary, you've got to admit that these marine flyers certainly are romantic. I'll say, even the automatic pilot tried to put his arms around me. Now, Mary, the minute I got in the plane, the needles on the instrument board spelled out, you'll be sorry. Now, Mary, Mary, listen, I happen to know that you went up with an ace, Colonel John Smith, and you said, and you said you never felt so safe in all your life. Sure, but he couldn't get the plane up any higher than 73 feet. He, he couldn't? No, next time he's going to leave his medals off. You know, they do have a lot of, they do have a lot of medals around here, don't they? One fellow followed me over here. I thought it was a good humor wagging. Oh, I, I really did. Hey, Mary, Mary, that plane you went up in, was it a Corsair? A Corsair? Yes, one of those planes with wings that fold up. Oh, are the, are the wings supposed to fold up like that? Sure. I thought they were saluting Colonel Fox. Don, did you meet Colonel Fox? What a great guy he is. Look, you know, the minute I arrived here this morning, he ran over, grabbed me by the shoulders and said, straighten up. He did not. He said that when he put his knee in my back. Anyway, he's one of the nicest. Well, look who's here. Say, fellas, I know that Alice Faye is one of your favorite pin-up girls. We can't bring you the pin, but here's the guy she's stuck with, Phil Harris. Thanks, fellas. Thanks very much. Say, Phil, Phil, they like you here, don't they? I'll say they do. And you want to know something, they're nuts about Alice too. I know, huh? You know what they gave me when I came in here this morning? A marine flag to take home. Well, and look what it says on it. What? Something for Alice. That's Semper Fidelis. Something for Alice. Semper Fidelis, Phil, old brother. Phil, Semper Fidelis is Latin. Oh, that new language, huh? Yeah. They started it last week in El Toro. A new language. Hey, Jackson, I've heard a lot about that town, that El Toro. You know, I think I'll go out and see that town. Okay. So long. So long. Say, Mary. Well, I saw it. So, so quick. Pretty small place, isn't it, Phil? Yeah, I'd have been back sooner, but the wind was against me. No kidding. Is El Toro really that small? Small. They had to widen the street before they could put the white line down the middle. Well, that's funny. It looked like an industrious little place to me. When I passed by, I saw Bottle Works. Bottle Works, nothing. That's where my boys threw their empties on the way in. That's where you ought to throw your boys on the way out. Anyway, as long as they're here, how about a band number? Okay. What are you going to play, Phil? I don't know, Jackson. Let's wait until it's over and then your guess is as good as mine. That's what I thought. Well, go ahead. Hold on a minute. Come in. Mr. Harris? Yes. Were you looking for something to take home to Alice? Yes, I was. Well, let's get going. I've only got a three hour pass because they don't know one note from another. Oh, what are you talking about? If those guys ain't great musicians, I'll eat their shirts. Oh, boy, do you protect yourself? You know they haven't got any. Great musicians. Yeah, great musicians. Now, you take Frankie, my guitar player. Now, he knows more about music than Oscar Levant. What? Yeah, Frankie was on information please twice. Now, when it comes to music, he can identify anything. Hey, Frankie, come up here a minute, will you? Okay. Now, get this, Jackson. Play something, Lou. That's enough. Okay, Frankie, what was it? Can I hear it again? Yeah, sure. Okay, Frankie, what was it? A piano. Oh, what's so wonderful about him recognizing a piano? He plays guitar. Oh, excuse me, Phil, I found out how Frankie started his musical career. How? One day he was scratching his stomach and somebody slipped a guitar in his lap. That's how? Well, all my boys started from scratch. Oh, Phil, you're too clever to be in the musical world. Well, if you don't get shot after a gag like that, the marines are out to lunch. So cut it out. And now, ladies and gentlemen, for our feature attraction. Oh, say, Jack. Yes, Don. I just thought of something revolutionary, never heard of in radio before. Really, Don? Yes, a one-word commercial. Just one word? What is it? Grape nuts. Well, Don, do you think our sponsor will stand for a one-word commercial? Hey, that's the only part of the program he listens to. You know. But the word grape nuts is all you need. Everybody knows they're toasty brown and sweet as a nut. They know that without you even hinting about it? Sure. And they also know that grape nuts bring you concentrated nourishment. So it takes only five or six teaspoons for an apple serving. Well, then I guess one word is enough. Why, certainly, to say they're not rationed is superfluous. So why tell them about something they already know? Oh, you're right, Don. You're right, kid. One word commercial is enough, isn't it, Mary? Yeah, but the way that one word's spread, he ought to get a girdle for it. You said it. And now, fellas. Say, Mr. Benny, I was just up in a plane with one of those marine pilots. Oh, oh, hello, Dennis. Hello. Thanks. Say, Mr. Benny, I was just up in a plane with one of those marine pilots. How are you, kid? Oh, I'm fine. That's good. What, uh, what were you saying, Dennis? He said he was up in a plane with a marine pilot. Oh. It's dangerous to go up in an airplane. You know what happened to my uncle? What? Well, he was up 5,000 feet in the air. Yeah. And the pilot said, I think I'll go into a bank. Uh-huh. So my uncle said, I think I'll go into a drugstore and step out of the plane. Your uncle, uh? Boy, was he mad? Well, I don't blame him. Yeah, the drugstore was closed. Look, Dennis, forget about your uncle. And by the way, kid, thanks for driving me up here this morning. You're welcome. Uh, Dennis drove you up here? How come he didn't bring Rochester? Oh, I'm punishing him. He's got to stay in the house for three days. What did he do now? Well, he tried to sell my camel to the cavalry. He told them it was a horse. But Jack, a camel has two humps on top. I know. He told them they were twin turrets. Anyway, I'm not letting him out of the house till Wednesday. Say, I think I'll call up and check on him. Give me that phone, Mary. Here you are. You ought to be ashamed of yourself treating Rochester like a prisoner. Never mind. Number, please. Operator, give me Beverly Hills, Crestview-67071. One moment, please. He's escaped. He's going to get it. Please, me. Mr. Benny's residence, convict number 8046. Rochester. This is Mr. Benny. Rochester, what are you doing? Three days. Ain't that what you said? I certainly did, and I hope this is teaching you a lesson. Yes, sir. Now, are you eating bread and water like I told you to? Yes, boss. It goes swell with the ham and eggs. Rochester. There it goes. Never mind that, and keep the shade down. You're in solitary confinement. Gosh, boss, my cousin gets better treatment than this, and he works for warden laws. Rochester, your cousin was arrested and went to jail. That's how he's working for the warden. I know, but his 10-year sentence was up three months ago. Well, why doesn't he leave? The OPA won't let him. Oh, well, I don't care about that. I'm just calling to check and see that you don't escape. Oh, I wouldn't do that, boss. I'll be with you in a minute, honey. Rochester, have you got a girl there with you? Yes, boss. Well, you get her out of that room. How many girls have you got there? Well, I'll talk to you about that when I get home. Now, goodbye. Good, just a breath of fresh air. You don't have to, Rochester. There's an air conditioner in the house. I know, but it's fighting a losing battle with the camel. Believe it. Now, goodbye. Goodbye. He's going to stay in that house for three days, and that settles it. Sing, Dennis. Just paid you a compliment. When somebody pays you a compliment, you're supposed to say thanks. I never saw such a dope. Thanks. Stop being so silly. Oh, Jackson, why don't you stop picking on the kid? I'm not picking on him. It's about time I got a little respect around here. After all, I'm the star of this program. Oh, sure, sure. Thanks, Mary. And not only am I the star here, but it may surprise you to know that I've just signed a new contract with Warner Brothers. Who cares? I care. Next week, I'm starting a new picture, and they let me pick my own leading lady. They let you pick her? Who'd you pick, Jackson? Oh, you want to know, huh? Well, I'm not going to tell you. OK. Say, Phil, how are things going at Slappy Maxie? Oh, fine, Mary. We're doing a terrific business. I mean, we're really packing them in. I'm not going to tell you. You can ask me a million times. I won't do you any good. So there. Say, Phil, I'd like to come over and catch your show some night. What time do you go on? Well, we do a dinner show. Then we do one about 10.30. And then we do another one around 12 o'clock. You can ask me until I'm gray. I won't tell you. No, sir, I'm not going to tell you. I was over at Slappy Maxie's last night, Mr. Harrison. The food is wonderful. Thanks, kid. I'm glad you enjoyed it. You're just wasting your time guessing. So you might as well give up. Jack, will you please? All right, if you're going to get mad about it. My leading lady is Alexis Smith. You can't even keep a secret around here. Alexis Smith. You see, you're blabbing it around already. Anyway, fellas, as she gorgeous, tall, blonde, and beautiful. Thanks. Talking about you. Anyway, I love to work with those tall girls. They're just my type. Well, Jackson, if Alexis Smith is your leading lady, you really got something there. Phil, I've not only got something there, I've got something here. I brought her with me. Fellas, I want you to meet one of Warner Brothers' most glamorous stars. You've seen her in the constant nymph, and she'll soon appear in the adventures of Mark Twain. And here she is, Miss Alexis Smith. Hello, Jack. Alexis, I want to tell you how happy I am that you came down here to be on my program today. Well, Jack, I kind of misunderstood the whole thing. You told me we were just coming down here to see the boys. Well. I didn't know I was going to be on your radio program. Well. In fact, until this afternoon, I didn't even know you had a program. Strange, you listen to the radio, don't you? Yes. Well, do you ever listen to Fred Allen? Yes, quite often. Well, then you must have heard about me. Oh, are you the one that Fred Allen's always talking about? That's me. Well, if he's lying about you, you ought to see a lawyer. You said it. And if he's telling the truth, you ought to see a doctor. Isn't that funny, Alexis? I don't mind anything coming from you, and am I happy that we're going to make a picture together? I always wanted a leading lady who's tall and beautiful and... Hey, Alexis, look. Look, look at that marine in the fourth row. See? What about him? He's looking at me. Isn't that wonderful? Which one? Over there, the fellow holding his nose. Well, Alexis, I want you to meet my gang. First, Don Wilson, Phil Harris, and Dennis Day. Hello, boys. Well, fellas, what do you say? I said, what do you say, not what do you think? Pay attention. Oh, Miss Smith, yes, Dennis? I think you're a wonderful actress. I've seen you in all your pictures. You have? Yes, and someday I hope to see you in person. Silly kid. But don't worry, Alexis. He's harmless. I know he is, Jack. He's just a sweet little boy, and I like little boys. Come here, Dennis, and I'll give you a kiss. Those young kids get all the breaks. Oh, now, what do you... Does this great big wait? Now, what do you... Does this great big wait? He gives all the... I want a kiss. I want a kiss. Roll. Pants legs. You're not fooling anybody. Oh, Alexis. Alexis, I want to introduce you to our comedian. Mary, I want you to meet not only a great dramatic actress, but one of the most beautiful and charming personalities in Hollywood. Miss Alexis Smith. Hello, Mary. I bet you're as old as I am. Alexis, don't mind her. She's always been jealous of my leading ladies. Even Peter Barra? Oh, Smitty, you little vixen you. Say, Alexis, may I tell you how very much I enjoyed your performance in the constant nymph. You did a great job in that. Thank you, Don. Oh, yes, Alexis. I thought all the love scenes between you and Charles Boyer were quite thrilling. You know, originally, they wanted me to play that part. Mr. Boyer's or mine? Mr. Boyer's, of course. I could have taken his place. You couldn't take his place in a mustard bath. Oh, yeah. Well, I'll show you, Alexis. Let's do that scene where you're pleading with Charles Boyer for another chance. You mean the one where I'm afraid he's going to divorce me and marry Joan Fontaine? Yeah, that's the one. I'll play Charles Boyer's part, which was Lewis in the picture. And I'll play my original role of his wife, Florence. I just loved your English accent. Gee, I can remember that one scene so vividly it just held the audience spellbound as you faced your husband grasping at the last straw of happiness. Music, please. Now, come on. Let's try again. I'm very sorry about the roses, Lewis, but I thought you were the one who sent them to me. Florence, I know so well how you must have felt. And do you know how I feel now that you're going away? Take me with you. I'll go anywhere, anywhere, you say. Well, well. If he says El Toro, I'll shoot him. Florence, I cannot let you say things like these. I mean it. I'm honest and I love you. The fact that I haven't completely understood you hasn't been all my fault because I've tried. And all the time I've had the feeling that I was succeeding. And all the time I had the feeling that I was succeeding, pip, pip. You are attractive, Florence. You are young. You deserve so much more than I can ever be to you. I understand, Lewis. You don't want me anymore. Give me another chance. I'm begging you. Gee. Look at me, Lewis. Don't tell me what's in your mind just now. I don't think I could stand it. Gosh. Lewis, you're going away for a while. You might miss me. I'll wait for you. And that will give us a chance to know how much we mean to each other. She's wonderful. It is no use, Florence. It can never be. I have thought it over. And all I can do... Shut up! What's the matter with you? I am so sorry. I lose my temper. Now, stop that nonsense. Phil, will you take that kid out of here? It will be a pleasure. What's the matter with you guys? I don't care what you think of my acting. We're going to finish this scene. Come on, Alexis. All right. But, Jack, you only have 10 seconds left. I don't care. Come on, Alexis. Make it quick. Lewis, I want to talk to you. I'm very sorry about the roses, Lewis. But I thought you'd send them away. Florence, I know someone. I remember someone. And you know how I feel now that you're going away. Lewis, I'll go anywhere. Be anything. Do anything. Florence, I can't let you say things like that. I mean it, I'm honest. I love you the best. Hurry up, hurry up. Sweet meal. Sweet meal for me, for me, the favorite hot cereal of my family. Then, lady, for value that can't be beat, get the giant new package of this cereal treat. Yes, ma'am. Hot grape nut sweet meal now comes in a giant new...