 Barbarians in theaters. I saw it. I reviewed it in a different video. This is the spoiler one. So if you haven't seen a film, I encourage you to subscribe to this channel and go check out my spoiler-free review. If you don't care, if you have no interest in this movie, well, here we go. ["The Star-Spangled Banner"] First things first, I'm a real ass. Drop this and let the whole world feel the ass. I hated this film. And I went in fresh. I didn't even see a trailer for this thing. My wife was super excited. She saw the preview, thought it looked great. I went with a friend. He was super pumped to watch it because of the early buzz it was getting. We all were miserable when it was over. I couldn't wait for it to end. This movie is stacks on stacks on stacks of poor decision-making to the point where it's beyond frustrating. I was so upset I wanted everyone to die that was in it. And there's not that many people in this, by the way. Our main protagonist is Tess. She gets an Airbnb in Detroit. Just the shittiest area imaginable to. All the houses are condemned. They're all gross. There's trash all over the place. Except for this one nice, tidy, beautiful little house. Why is it like this? I don't know. Movie never really explains it. I guess the company that's looking after it's doing a good job. We'll get more into why it doesn't make sense later. The agency accidentally doubled books. So Keith is staying there as well, played by Bill Skarsgard. He comes off as the villain. That's clearly what they're going for. You can't trust this dude. He's socially awkward. He's trying to come off like he's not trying to be a serial killer. Like he's not gonna poison her drink. Like he's not gonna take advantage of her in the middle of the night. He's weird. And for the first 20 or so minutes, I was very invested. I'm like, okay, where is this gonna go? I don't know anything about this film. Suddenly a door opens in the background. She wakes in the middle of the night. He's on the couch having nightfrights, terrors. What's happening in this film? Now, I have only seen this movie once. Probably won't see it ever again. If I'm fortunate enough, there are so many red herrings. So many misdirects that it's one of those movies you can try to dissect and think, okay, wow, maybe the agency was in on it who double-booked. Maybe there was no agency. Maybe it was something else at play here. Or maybe Skarsgard's character really did know something. Or like you could dissect it for hours and nothing would come of it because it's such bullshit. The whole movie is layer on top of layer of shit. He'd had to have gone through rewrites or reshoots later or was repurposed at some point. Either that or just the script is so incompetently basic. I don't even want to reward it with the time and energy it would take to dissect it all. And by the way, if you saw this film and liked it, I apologize. I'm not here to insult you or your taste. You have your taste. I have mine. Walk away. It's no fun listening to someone bitch about something you love. At least it's not for me. Maybe you do enjoy regardless the counterpoint. That's fair. Stick around then. Let me back up this hate train just a little bit. First off, Tess is staying overnight at a house with a stranger. It's pouring out. There's no hotels available because there's a conference going on. She's in the middle of the slums of Detroit or something. Okay, I'm kind of on board, I guess. Tough to swallow this pill, but I'm going to anyways. She's trusting this guy enough to spend the night with them. What bothers the shit out of me is they don't comb the whole house first. Neither of them go into the basement. Neither of them really check the place out all that well. I just, I can't understand the logic in this film. But then it gets way dumber, way fast. So the next day, Tess comes back from a meeting. Did we really have to do the whole meeting scene, Shtick? Did we have to hear from the woman about how it's a dangerous area? Like, I don't care. You wasted eight to 10 minutes on this crap. She goes back to the place. Keith is gone. She goes to the basement. I can't remember why. It doesn't matter, but she gets locked in down there. Doesn't have the key, can't get out. That's, I guess, the definition of getting locked down there, right? Okay, she finds out there's a rope on the wall, starts to pull on this Willy Wonka contraption, and a secret passage opens to a pitch black area. She looks at the area and says, nope, she's not doing it, logically speaking. But then, curiosity kills this cat as she has to go deeper. So she builds this sticky bandits home alone contraption, where the mirror reflects the sun into the room, and she starts to go in. She starts to progress. She finds this creepy ass room with a shit bucket, a bed, a camera, and a blood hand on the wall. She gets the hell out of there, tells Keith about it. Keith is still susses all hell. What's the big deal? Sounds like a rape room. Every guy has one. This is where I'm almost fully checked out now. Keith goes down there, asks the woman to stick around in case he gets locked in the basement, doesn't come back. So she goes down there, checks out the area. He's nowhere to be found, but she starts hearing faint screams. There's a tunnel that goes straight down into the earth, and it's a maze, a labyrinth of different hallways and structures. So now she's walking around with her phone light. There's cages on the ground. You still barely hear his faint yelling. Why is she going deeper? Why is she doing this? There's no fucking way anyone goes down that tunnel for a person they just met. You call the cops. You drive out of there, get someone to come over. Like this is the stupidest crap ever. Well, what happens is she finds Keith. He's not in a good situation. And then this naked ass lady with some huge tits smashes his head against the wall multiple times. Psh, psh, Keith's dead. Scars, scars out of the picture. I'm fully checked out now. Now the movie cuts to our second act, completely different scene, with Justin Long driving around, having a great time. I like Justin Long, let me just say that. Fun guy, fun actor. He always puts in the work. He's a dick in this though. He's an unlikeable prick who maybe raped an actress and lost his entire career. We spend a stupid amount of time getting to know AJ, his problems in Hollywood, how he's gonna lose everything. He even goes to meet with his banker or his agent who drops his ass, tells him he's gotta go check out one of his places. Spoiler, the place that he has to check out is his Airbnb in Detroit. He goes there, doesn't even look around the house, notices there's people camping there. There's squatters in his place. He's not scared, he's not worried. Instead, he just goes to sleep. There's a fucking light on in the basement. He doesn't even check it out. How do you go to a place that you haven't been at in years it sounds like? See that there's a light on going downstairs. See toothbrushes, see bags, see a car out front and not even go in the basement. Instead, you go to bed? Are you out of your mind? He eventually ends up going down there with a knife and this is where it's kind of a dark comedy. I did kind of find this funny. Instead of being worried about the kill rooms and other things he's seen, he uses his tape measure and he's getting dimensions so that he can sell this place for more on the Airbnb. That stuff was funny for a little bit. Then he also starts getting down into the catacombs, into the basement and we see this naked lady again. Who is this woman? Well, it turns out we have a dissent situation going on here. She is a baby of a baby of a baby of a baby, a copy of a copy of a copy, an offspring of a great, great, great, great, great grandma who was at one point brought down to the sex dungeon, raped and discarded. And we get a little tidbit of that. The movie takes us way back to when this place was first conceived. We see a man shopping for baby supplies. He scopes out his first victim that he's gonna take into this place but we don't see the actual important stuff. Like, how the hell did he make this? How did he dig out all these tunnels? Were they there? Were they there before? Was this an old pyramid? Because that's kind of what it looks like. Why is there trap doors and cages everywhere? How is this woman, this naked baby of a baby of a baby so fucking massive and powerful she can rip limbs off? Why are her boobs so big, by the way? She should be male nourished. What is she eating? Well, it turns out she can go out at night, rummage around the area, bring back victims possibly? I don't know because the Airbnb says they only clean the place after someone checks out. Well, how many people are checking into this Airbnb? Because we are told, it is alluded to that people have been brought back there and they don't come out. Where people stay there and they don't come out. I don't understand how there's not missing people constantly. I don't understand how there's not cars in the driveway or on the side of the road. I don't understand how there's not stuff all over in this house. Items that they left. So who is this Airbnb? What is going on in this film? Why is this woman so freakishly strong? She survives a drop off a water tower. She survives getting hit by a car. This is insanity. Why do people like this movie? Oh my God, there's a scene where AJ goes and sees the owner of this establishment. He's laying on his deathbed. And AJ's like, are you okay, sir? What's going on? Like why does AJ care about this, dude? Clearly the guy's part of whatever weird shit's happening. It's so obvious. Yet he's willing to just give him water and then check out what's going on. He plays some movies on the VHS and that's when it dawns on him like, oh, this is probably not the place to be right now. I hate this film. I'm sorry. There was some good ideas presented that had been done in other movies, mainly the Descent, which is fantastic. The writer slash director intentionally focuses on the stuff that's not interesting. I want to know how this place was built. I want to know what was going through this dude's mind in the first place. I want to know how this woman's freakishly strong. I want to know what happened to all the vehicles and victims in the past. This place is pretty manicured. It's pretty clean. Even the freaking dungeons below have no bones that I could see or blood or guts or anything. Is the woman eating them? Where are they disposing of the bodies? This was a very frustrating film and maybe you can come back and say, Adam, you just didn't understand it. You and the three other people you saw, you're all stupid. You're all brain dead. It's all there. It's all ingenious. It's all brilliant. I would love to know if I completely missed something obvious and that would make the movie just 10 times better. Either way though, I still didn't like what I was watching. It just wasn't very interesting. I liked the idea of it being almost a Cloverfield Lane situation with Skarsgard and Tess, but that ended after about 25 minutes. And then it was just random stuff going on that all kind of led back to one disappointment after another. Anyway, that's my spoiler rant. Hope you enjoyed it. Let me know in the comments. Like the video if you had a good time. Please think about subscribing if you're new here. I would love to have you. I post tons of movie and TV show content all the time. We like to have fun here, even when we're pissed. 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