 You've heard the phrase men are hunters and they love the chase and you'll hear from many female dating coach How a man has to be in his masculine and you being your feminine allow him to catch you as if you're some prize Well, I just want to say this for the record Relationships aren't about catching anything Relationships are something that two people build together. It's something you build together You can't catch someone and expect it to be this instantaneous beautiful relationship because you've been caught, okay So I want to share with you the three reasons why you should not make a man chase you I actually saw this earlier today on Steven Steven speaks YouTube channel or he might be called Stefan speaks I'm not really sure and he shares the three reasons and I reviewed what he shared and I really liked it I want to give you my take on this Now why does someone want to be caught? Why would a woman want to be caught? Because it feels good. It feels good when someone makes Especially more effort than you if someone makes Extraordinary effort to convince you to like them that actually feels good Think about that for a moment when somebody likes you it feels good whether you like them or not In fact a lot of people can go into their righteousness and say well, I liked him But you know, he liked me, but I wasn't that into him. That's our ego You know playing tricks with us and this happens significantly in the dating mating and relating process now We'll tell you there are basically two types of women who appreciate. Oh, I was gonna say appreciate But it's not appreciate There are basically two types of women that are desirous of men to chase them There's two types of women in my opinion take it for what it's worth I think there are deeply wounded women who don't value themselves and They're desirous of being caught because that actually allows them to feel some level of value Some level of worth worthiness Okay, and that might offend some of you listening to this right now because you're thinking I want to be caught I want to be a prize. I deserve to be caught. I am worthy I'm better than everyone else, but oftentimes there's a little wounded child in you that doesn't actually feel that way Now that's the most common reason the other Common reason and actually I think this is worse is that entitled woman who deserves she believes she believes she deserves to be caught I'll be candid with you when I watch shows like the housewives of Beverly Hills The desperate housewives of Beverly Hills the desperate housewives of Orange County all of these reality-type TV shows To me is just a bunch of entitled people that believe they deserve better than someone else And they deserve to be caught because they're so superior than everyone else I'm here to say that's a very Unhealthy way to approach relationships the desirous of to be caught Desire to be caught because as I said in the beginning of this broadcast a relationship is something two people build together It's where you're investing mutually in the co-creation of the relationship So I want to give you three examples again. This is from Steven Speaks Channel which I thought was really valuable To list and remember I said earlier that men are the hunters and men love the chase, right? Can I ask you ladies something? What do you think that really means? You know, they're instinctual they went out and hunted the buffalo You know and they captured that buffalo and then they rejoiced in the prize of catching Catching the buffalo and then somehow we equate this to human mating practices If as if this is some sort of finality because what are men chasing ladies? What's the number one thing men think of on a first date the one number one thing can someone write that in the chat box? Because you all know the answer They're chasing sex It's not they're not running around going. I'm chasing a relationship. I'm chasing a relationship I really want a relationship, but I'm going to chase that relationship Men don't operate that way. We don't we're oftentimes driven by our penis Often is the case. I'm not saying it's right or wrong It just is and you ladies know it in fact some of you even suggesting this You know this so rather than act naive and expect that you deserve something better. Just let's understand human behavior You know men desire sex. Do you know what men know about women? You tend to desire Commitment more so than men That's right. You tend to desire commitment more so than men So there's this cat-and-mouse game going on between human human pair bonding that I'm just simply drawing attention to Okay, so the first reason why you should not make a man chase you is if he's experiencing infatuation or lust In other words, these are men who love bomb they come on strong they push for sex very early on in the process They might not actually know whether or not they like you. In fact, there's a term that Millennials use It's called post nut clarity post nut clarity and what that means is Once a man has had sex with you for the first time all of his decision-making Are all of his clarity he busted a nut all of his clarity now comes to the forefront of his consciousness because when he's in lust or limerence and Limerence is extreme infatuation when he's being driven by these chemicals being released in his body Which is primarily dopamine the minute he has sex all of a sudden he evaluates the relationships on the merits There were actually in place before the relationship I'm gonna say the merits of the relationship before that's in place So let's talk about some of you that are doing the long-distance Communicating and you're texting all day long and it's just so amazing We're so into each other because we're having these amazing superficial Conversations, how is your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. I'm thinking about you Are you thinking about me? I'm thinking about you. Are you thinking about me? I'm thinking about you Oh my god. I'm thinking about you. Oh my god. I'm so into you. I wish you were here. I wish we were kissing I wish we were hugging blah blah blah blah blah then you meet and then the minute he has sex Why is it that men disappear? Because they have what's known as post not clarity. Did you guys see the movie? something about Mary something about Mary there's a scene where Oh god, who's the actor's name? I just escapes me for a moment, but Cameron Diaz and oh my god the actor's name a Ben Stiller Ben Stiller is with his friend and he's about to have his first date with Cameron Diaz and his friend says Well, I hope you go to the bathroom to tug one out. He goes. What are you talking about? He goes when you're on a date and You're thinking about sex all day long basically this is the gist of what he's saying Are you actually in your right mind? Go bust a nut go jack off and ejaculate so you can actually be present To what you're experiencing is what he says so ladies you must know this by now I shouldn't be telling you anything new and if I if this is your first time hearing this bravo You need to hear this that when a man is lusting for you when he's in limerence when he's in infatuation when he's chasing you You have to be aware of the consequences that he may diss you the minute he ejaculates. I'm sorry I know that's that doesn't feel good But that's kind of on you for not establishing a better foundation Before you have physical intimacy. So that's the number one reason why you should not make a man chase you number two Allowing a man to chase you invites broken men into your life. That's right broken men to into your life Particularly those of you that are in midlife, which is after baby making years and before retirement Okay, what am I talking about broken men? They oftentimes in this age demographic? 75% of singles are divorced and Divorce is an unraveling of the tapestry of one's old life so in these particular cases if He hasn't healed from his divorce if he's going through a contentious divorce if he's going through Struggles in his professional life. Maybe he has health issues going on if the ground underneath them isn't solid If he's a broken man He might chase you because he really needs a therapist and you ladies are Beautiful creatures out there. You will listen to broken men You will listen to broken men and just go. Oh Can I just stroke you because once I make you feel good? You'll be mine. I Mean I swear to you so many of you do this and you act so like shocked when the guy disappears Once you've healed him It is not your job to fix a broken man So if you allow a man to chase you you have a great you have a 75% chance of that man being in a broken man He's either what I call a user or a spender 20% of the single population over 40 years old are users. These are those love bombers I talked about in the beginning. These are the guys that are self-serving. They're only in it for themselves and Women are this way too Then about 20% of the population are what I call grower and builders these people who genuinely want a fully committed Relationship with someone they want to build a life. Remember I talked about a relationship is something built not caught And by the way, we grower builders. We don't chase women We like to be met on the 50-yard line, but these women And the other 60% because I said 20 is users 20 or grow and builders the other 60% of what I call spenders They want companionship occasionally. They want connection Occasionally they want sex at their beck and call But they clearly cannot commit to someone because there's a deficiency going on in this person's life He might be saying Jonathan. Are you telling me 8 out of 10 men are probably gonna use me? Yeah, I'm gonna tell you that it really fucking sucks to hear that. That's just the real truth This is why I'm so grateful that my clients have learned the skills and techniques to weed out those 80% and Zero in on those 20% who are grower and builders Now the problem with this is you're not attracted to a lot of the grower and builders They don't look like Brad Pitt George Clooney Ryan Gosling that sort of thing And many of you have this fantasy that you want this Stellerly good-looking human being when actually a lot of the grower and builders they got a dad bod They're losing their hair. They don't have perfect teeth Okay, they don't do all the things that you do Okay, but guess what? These are men who will actually grow long-term in relationship with you so maybe you might want to reconsider Looking for that perfect guy and recognize that a good man of character outweighs a good-looking man You might have a few bucks in his pocket So allowing a broken man to chase you you got to be careful because he will you will turn into his therapist and the third reason is This is interesting that Steven talks about he said men who chase Once they catch you they expect you to chase them They expect you to they actually turn the tables on them I thought this was really an interesting way of looking at it, but to some degree this is true You know we we men you know like ladies how many times have you told me? He was so romantic in the beginning of the relationship. He was so romantic and once he caught me He stopped be doing all the things to get me We see this is the problem when you've been gotten Okay, but a lot there are some men out there like what Steven talks about that once they get you they expect you to make in All the effort they expect you to pay for things they expect you to accommodate them They expect you to make them dinners. They expect you to do all the work once they've caught you You know you have to recognize that human beings are like impetuous children Particularly in the area of chasing and getting caught and let me explain why I Want you to think those of you when you were children or for those of you who have children do you remember Christmas? How excited a child was or maybe you were to get some sort of present for Christmas? Maybe you've been waiting on it for a long time Now if it was a bicycle something you can use for a long time that was great But if it was a video game like what my son's there's a picture of my two boys right behind me It was fascinating when Halo came out and they were so excited to get Halo to get Halo to get Halo And they loved it and they played it for hours and hours and hours and hours at a time Till they got burnt out by it And then you know what Duke Nukem came out and they played that for hours and hours at hours of time And Halo was just sitting in the corner until the next video game got came out Grand Theft Auto See ladies When you treat yourself like a prize like a gift Or you expect to be treated like a prize or a gift instead of actually Stepping into the empowerment that a healthy relationship is something that's built together You have a greater chance of having relationship demise Than something that's growing I invite everyone to read the book If the Buddha dated if the Buddha dated this is a great book that throws out all the bullshit gender rhetoric and says how can two people date From a co-creative space. How can two people date and by the way there's in the description below is a link to all the my recommended reading list Because I want to share something I wrote down Trust is the foundation of a great relationship For healthy relationships intimacy needs to be built too many people rely on entertainment and incessant communication To build intimacy instead of the real components to intimacy and folks if you are not familiar with the book Emotional intimacy by Robert Masters. I highly recommend reading this for yourself Because intimacy isn't built through entertainment all of those relationships that are built through entertainment going out to dinners Going and spending money doing things together often times Or buying gifts for one another. Well, the gifts is a love language. So let's not go down that road But entertainment entertaining each other Guess what after a while you get tired of entertainment and then you just do Netflix and chill as your entertainment Healthy relationships are built in the following manner Instead of entertainment first off think about being a giver and also being with another giver and this isn't just Money this is time. This is energy somebody who actually gives beyond the surface Okay, and particularly beyond the surface of paying things time and energy Being a giver saying hey, do you need me to go to the store to get something? Hey, I need you know, I need my my Can you can you pick up my pills or they offer to pick up your pills from the pharmacy? Those are for those are probably living together, but just being a giver in relationship Number two this builds intimacy is when you learn something new together Maybe you go to a salsa class. Maybe you go to an art class together. You learn something new together this builds intimacy with another person and Lastly being of service Doing things of charity with your partner actually doing things of service being of service to others You know, this is my business being you know, my YouTube channel, but also for me This is the way I I serve humanity with my perceptions with my book, you know Yes, there is a a level of a Level of profit from it, but quite frankly I do this because I fucking love to be of service I love helping clients. I love coach coaching clients and seeing them change for me That's one level of service another level of service could be Simply doing charity work together, but this builds deeper intimacy in a relationship instead of relying on entertainment Because those relationships that rely on entertainment oftentimes don't fare as well As those that use at least these three things. I just share So just to repeat the three reasons why you shouldn't let man chase you those men might be in lust or limerence They're only looking to get off and once they get off They don't value much at you anymore number two if you allow them to chase you He might be a broken man and you will become his therapist and that really fucking sucks And lastly some men expect you to expect or chase you expecting you to chase them when they've caught you And this is why you may not want to have a man chase you. Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know I'd like to hear your thoughts post a comment below You might have something to say I'd like to read about it I tend to read all the comments and acknowledge most of them as well All right, I think this would be a good place to ask oh Before I forget please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel Please hit that notification bell and if you want to connect with me in the description in the show notes Are a variety of different ways to connect with me directly? Is that okay? Please hit that like button All right, it's time to take questions If you know my format and you have a question write the word question then post the question there after Or you can purchase a super sticker super chat Will dollar sign the chat box all the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my Son Conor Asley. That's a picture of him there in the obey shirt It's my son who passed away five years ago and his honor I donate to causes like the hoffman process inside institute and seeds of love Which is an organization that helps children in In columbia who have been Abandoned by their parents because they have a serious illness. So seeds of love check it out All right, let's see what kind of questions we have here for us today um Tina says this isn't a question. Uh Well, there's a question some physical attributes go for women Um, many curvaceous thick women are good worthy women, but not given a chance. Do you see this jonathan? Yeah, you know, I think here in united states. We have uh a society that highly values uh thin people Um that and thin oftentimes is associated with healthy So uh cosmopolitan magazine vogue magazine that sort of thing All centers around thin people. So the way you've described it. I would say that Now not all men like stick figure women Not all men like curvaceous women, you know, I think there's a what's the expression. There's a there's a Top to every kettle To every teapot. Okay. There's a top to every teapot or a lid to every teapot. Excuse me. Okay um, but I would say yeah in their united states at hyper focuses on um physical beauty look at instagram look at uh the Kardashians, I mean how much effin plastic surgery have these women had and at hyper focuses on on on Creating a false sense of the person. So i'm not saying it's good or bad. I'm just saying that's what it is So do I see it? Absolutely. Tina. I do see it. So thanks for bringing that up Um, a koys. Oh kill farm says. Oh, yeah, it resonates. I don't like men to chase me I prefer we show interest and step up and work on it way to go. Amen. I like to hear it Um Maja says does having an uncomfortable conversation early on scare him away Even though they go into emotional stuff and show understanding The only people that get scared by uncomfortable conversations are people who can't handle uncomfortable conversations You know now I mean some i'm trying to think of a really uncomfortable conversation I mean, I think if we get into, you know, some emotional or physical abuse and we talk about that on a very first date About your past experience that might be uncomfortable or asking somebody about Their childhood upbringing if that it might be uncomfortable for them But the reality is is, you know, what is so fucking uncomfortable that you can't talk about it now What you want you don't want to talk about things that are private to you. Okay, that's understandable something where trust hasn't been built But uncomfortable conversation some people think talking about why their relationship ended is uncomfortable Why is that so fucking uncomfortable your relationship ended for reasons based on your perception? I'm sure your partner had reasons based on their perception But if that is so uncomfortable then can you actually go very deep? Now again, if it's something private you may not be ready to share But if something is is uncomfortable, how much capacity can they talk about deeper things in your relationship? That's just something I have just think about talking my head. So thanks so much Lisa wants to remind us all the Kardashians. Uh, I'm kind of with you um all right Susan says three types of men. I've learned the hard way from veterans who haven't dealt with their shit Dating widowers too soon and dating men who've been dumped by someone when they were in love with recently You know, I I can understand where a lot of perceptions are valid in these particular circumstances, you know, most importantly if someone had A traumatic experience in war that could be something that requires healing if a person just lost a loved one I know when I lost my son Connor I had to do grieving and healing for that and also when we've lost somebody when we're overly attached to another human being I think you can love someone in the relationship end and you can still do a conscious uncoupling With one another, but if you're overly attached to a person, I would say that it takes them time to heal Yes, I would agree Margaret wants to say I love the idea of being of service being important. I agree. Thank you so much All right, miss Ashley is in the house. I want everybody to read this I've just got to turn on the ac a little bit here. So just keep listening. I'm gonna keep talking, but it's getting hot up here And if you hear that fan, please forgive me all right Miss Ashley says How do you make a selection between multiple suitors or should you invest time with each until you make a decision? Okay, I have a feeling I have a theory about this If you're actively kissing and have sex with multiple men at the same time It's going to be a really hard time to make a decision. Okay Now if you're kissing multiple men at the same time that could get problematic too, okay I'm a big believer that we should if you give one person three chances Okay, three dates. Okay, and that should three dates can happen in a two week period I think taking a break like, okay, so let's say But here, okay, let's I'm saying take a break for three weeks go on or two weeks have three dates with a person. Okay By the third date the two of you know if you want to kind of really get to know each other It gets really muddied the waters If you are then still doing meet and greets with other people now ladies I just want you to think about this you've gone on four dates with a man Okay, but he's still doing meet and greets meet and greets meet and greets meet and greets meet and greets You're on the sixth seventh eighth ninth tenth eighth. He's still doing meet and greets. I mean really There's obviously something not really work. I mean he likes something about you Maybe he's on the hunt to get laid But if you have to keep doing meet and greets then probably something's missing in that dynamic But I would say three dates in a two week period But jonathan we're long distance. We don't get to see each other you guys listen long distance If you don't have a real significant plan with that long distance person If there isn't a really solid reason why one or two of you shouldn't be living in the same city It's going to be fucking problematic. Oh jonathan you just said a bad word. You said the f word We're so offended by that. You're so unprofessional folks I use levity to make points if an f bomb here or there turns you off Then you're probably uptight to be in any relationship anyway, but oh my god I'm just going to offend so many people. I'll be canceled for that I'm sorry. I'm just having fun with people that give me annoying shit every once in a while Um Okay, so miss ashley. I hope I answered your question Um miss mccoy Says yeah, my late boyfriend had an alcohol addiction. I said fix yourself. I'm not here to do that for you I will morally support you. He tried he tried toward the end, but it didn't end up it did end up Oh, well, that's that's sad that he passed away hmm All right. Nicole is in the house and she says Long-distance relationship of 23 months. We broke up. I'm here for my birthday. I'm here. He is happy I am here what to do what What do what way what? To to do have him realize he wants me no pressure involved Well, you broke up. It's your birthday. You're here. He's happy I'm here. He's happy. I mean are is he happy that you're on my channel. Is that what you mean? What do I have to do to make him realize he wants me no pressure involved folks? You cannot force anyone to want you and if you do it's just temporary This is where this whole being caught nonsense comes in You know, it occurs to me that the best relationships are two people Who appreciate each other And when you appreciate someone you don't want to break up with them and if you do want to end it It's mostly because there's something deficient within the person Who's incapable of giving more to the relationship? So why would you want someone who can't give more to the relationship and it's long distance anyway? So how many times have you seen each other in these 23 months three times? I mean so many of you are spending years Years communicating with people that whom you've never met It's fantasy. It's fantasy. It's delusion thinking. I'm not saying you're delusional, Nicole Because I don't know how how often you see each other, but trust me like with marie and I we were very Intentional right from the beginning if we knew this was going to work We'd have to see each other a lot and then we agreed we had to live together for it to work So within a hundred day period we spent 45 days together, but Jonathan. I can't do that. Well, guess what? Yes, we were fortunate. We had lifestyle that allows us to see each other 45 days in a hundred day period and there was 1700 miles different distance between us We were fortunate, but if you don't have that fortune you are betting on a really weak foundation because proximity creates continuity Remember that continuity continuity or like roots to a tree the the more continuous those roots are the stronger the relationship is Continuity proximity builds continuity. Someone write that in the chat box proximity builds continuity continuity builds trust Proximity creates continuity continuity creates trust It's hard to and by the way face to face Because you can't do it over the phone. How's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. I've been thinking about you I've been thinking about you all day long Are you gonna text me in the morning to let me know you're thinking about me? Are you gonna text me at night to let me know you're thinking about me? Because I need to know that you're thinking about me because I need you to validate me I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself This is what the internet has fucking done. This is what smartphone has done is made people so effing neurotic My mother would be rolling in her grave right now. This shit didn't happen in her generation because proximity created continuity builds trust. Okay there. I said it I'm done ranting A reptile dysfunction says, oh, I'm sorry Ed Just kidding What is the normal frequency of seeing someone you're dating? I want to date the man three to four times a week. However, all men prefer once a week for months How long should I tolerate this? He doesn't get your vagina until you're seeing him three or four times a week He wants to see you once a week for a month and don't give him your vagina when he wants to see you regularly That's the guy you give your vagina to but jonathan. That's so repulsive talking about my female parts like a vagina ladies I'm here to yell at you because you guys are acting really stupid Once a week means you're a booty call once a week means you're a friends with benefits A man who wants to build remember we talked about building a relationship with you He wants to spend time with you. That's a good sign. He wants to build a relationship with you He wants to see you regularly. He wants to invite you to parties with his friends. He wants to do, you know Stand up paddleboard with you or pickleball with you Those are men that are serious guys that want to see you once a week. Why are you tolerating it? Look at you have a first date on a friday night. You may not see him till the following friday night I get it But if a guy likes you he's going to want to say what are you doing tuesday? Do you want to go for ice cream? Do you want to catch a movie? Do you want to go for a bike ride? Do you want to go for a hike? And then on friday he wants to see you again. Then he wants to see you on saturday and he wants to see you on sunday Those are the guys who like you the guys only want to see you once in a while. They're just happy with you giving them their vagina for free Why give wife benefits at girlfriend prices? Someone wrote that on my channel Nicole wants to give me an amen and thank you. I appreciate that desert says i'm not offended I appreciate that marisa says i like the f-word and lisa says f-bomb. Thank you so much All right Okay, miss ashley wants to follow up no sex just multiple inquiries about dating So your first time you meet someone is simply a meet and greet when you officially plan When you officially agree to see each other again, that's a first date okay If after that first date or within 24 hours of that first date a second date is planned and you both Want to see each other? Okay, you could still be talking to other people online. That's okay But if you've got a third date plan now, you've seen each other the the meet and greet and four times Why do you want to invest in anyone else if you're making regular plans to see each other? Flowers rose says i love you jonathan you keep it real I you know what? I got to tell you something folks. I I had a chance to interview a millennial uh yesterday His youtube channel is called destiny. He's a young man really bright intelligent a little bit progressive A little bit more progressive for my taste. He talks about a variety of things But we talked about relationships for well over an hour and a half just getting that perspective from millennials And it was interesting. I was on his channel and all his followers. I mean i'm he's a millennial I'm a boomer tail and boomer gen X or and they're like this guy is cool. I like this guy's vibe I really I am grateful that I just speak I I think I speak I don't want to use the word truth because that doesn't feel right to me I just speak what's obvious And not the bullshit narratives that are being sold out there that a man should chase you because men love the hunt And men love the chase as if they're actually chasing a fully committed relationship. Anyways, thank you so much uh Ireland clark just posted. Uh, hold on a second because she put in some money here. Let's find that all right Thank you for this for the $19.99 super sticker really appreciate She says this guy says he wants to grow with me, but he says he's still trying to heal Should I help him? I'm also a life coach and I don't want to be his therapist. Oh, you're fucked already He says, okay, because you're a life coach. You're gonna want your bro. Okay if he wants to heal Hey, take your time to go heal and when you've healed come back to visit me ladies I get it. I'm a life coach. I'm a dating a relationship coach. I have a propensity to want to heal others Okay, it's a dangerous trap Now healing is a constant so it happens It depends on how wounded he is and how much work is he done Because it's not your job to heal him. He heals on his own You are two sovereign beings on your own track. It is not your job to heal him Let me repeat that Ireland. It is not your job to heal him Because he might break it off with you To be a bright shiny penny with someone new and I don't want that to happen to you Ireland So I hope that helps. Let me know if it does help Margaret's in the house. You are so sweet with the $7.99 super sticker. I really appreciate that Hey folks, I just realized my phone is still on. Let's put that on vibrate. Ooh Okay, let's see what else we have in the house Tina When a man isn't open with his feelings and said he's sorry, but he crossed a boundary of friendship Even though we've been friends for years is the best to delete all contact Well, I'm assuming when you say to cross a boundary he made advances towards you and you either rebuffed him Okay, or he had sex with him and now he's pulled away. I'm guessing here, Tina So So he crossed the boundary of friendship. So I'm I'm guess, you know, it's hard to know You know, I'm not here. Listen. I think you can be friendly with a person Okay, so I am still Friends with my ex-wife. Okay, and I'm friends with my ex-girlfriend who's a doctor Okay Now to the extent that we socialize and talk together frequently That's not that much, but I'm still friendly with an ex-lover and my ex-wife. Okay But to the extent that they're friends, I don't call them up and bear my soul and talk about my relationship Although Marie and I have spent time with I've spent time with one of her ex-lovers She's spent time with one of my ex-lovers because I think if we're going to be friendly With an ex then our that our new relationship should also be friends with this person I just said something write this down If you are friendly with an ex Lover then your current lover should also have an opportunity to become friends with that person There should be some social gathering or the two of you connect if they're not willing to allow that person into your new If you're not allowing if they're not allowing you the new lover to get to know his old lover That is problematic I just said it Um, we'll see like, you know, I'm really just throwing a spitballing this out, but I will tell you that It's okay to be friendly with someone, but if you're friends with them whomever you date in the future They should also become friends with them as well. That builds trust Okay all right Someone says you're cracking me up with your passionate cussing. Thank you so much. I appreciate that All right, let's keep swimming here Bump bump bump Baby kane says You are the dad that we all needed to scare away the bad guy direct into the point You know what I wish I could be your big brother your father your uncle There on a first date with the shotgun pointed at the guy's head saying what's your intentions with my little girl What's your intentions with my little sister wish I could do that for you You know a lot of women would like to be friends with me I have a lot of I have clients who have me call their boyfriends I've had I've had many conversations with clients boyfriends because I cut through the bullshit. I'm like, look I'm working for my client. I gotta she wants my approval with you. So let's you and I have a chat You know think about did you guys ever watch indian matchmaker? Did you watch the jewish matchmaker? Having your family as part of the decision-making process of who you'll engage in a relationship with is is a principle foundation for matching up with someone in these cultures Isn't it fascinating that we put sex and attraction so far ahead of actually building trust Look at I'm guilty of sex on a first date with a person. I didn't know I had that post nut clarity I talked about earlier. I am certainly guilty of that Um, but at the same time I'd like to think I grew up Anyway, I'm just babbling now. Thanks so much I want to thank uh fos m for the 10 francs. I really appreciate that All right, let's keep going here Ireland says thank you. You're very welcome. Weegean is in the house. Hey, sweetheart Um Kimberly says you're so right on man. Why did I put up with the last guy for so long too soon too soon old Late too soon old too late start. I'm 69. He ended a 10 year relationship. The pickings are slim Well, if you want to set yourself apart one of things I teach my coaching is how to vet people because yeah the picking By the way, you all women think you're just the prize, but let me tell you something It's slim pickings for us men too Because there's just as many dysfunctional women out there. There's just as many entitled women out there. Got it Watch our housewives of orange county or Beverly Hills shoot and I live in between those two cities So there's a lot of entitlement. There's a lot of dysfunctional women out there Everybody thinks most everybody thinks they're not the problem But you got to go to the mirror Okay, so if it is slim pickings then guess what you're gonna have a hard time So I invite you to start saying it's raining great man. It's raining great man It's raining great man And by the way, it's slim pickings because you all are looking for the unicorn guy that's drop dead gorgeous Has his shit together and he's a has emotional IQ Look at I got a dad bod I mean, I'm lucky. I still got a full head of hair. And yes, I do not color my hair folks I don't I got blessed by my mommy and daddy. I mean, there is some gray here A little bit of gray. Anyway But there's dad bods out there guys losing their hair. They don't look great But you know what there's a lot of men with great character. You just tend to bypass them Because everybody is searching for a unicorn All right, that's my judgment take it for what leave it Miss Ashley goes and says thank you Jonathan. That is what I've done I am only investing my time with one person But my friend says I'm cutting myself short by not meeting other suitors Meet and greets do as many meet and greets as you want But if you get to a third date, put your attention onto one person. That's not really that hard to do Melanie says write on Jonathan for all your hard work gaining knowledge unique point of view It turns out I'm actually an emotionally mature person. No contact for me due to the explosive demeanor behavior Well, it's good to hear that you are emotionally mature. I'm emotional mess folks. I've got anxious attachment style I am riddled with uh I am flawed human being I've got weak Skills at some point. I will own that shit. I just happen to be a good communicator But then again, that's what I do for a living So but I'm happy to hear you feel like you're emotionally mature Lisa says psychologists say you should cut off all ties with an ex especially after a breakup. Okay Some psychologists I agree because most human beings do not have the emotional maturity to regulate their emotions So they're they're too tempted by past experiences. However I don't agree with all psychologists and let me tell you why It's kind of the line in the movie in the show sex in the city when you love someone and it ends. Where does the love go? I think if you use by the way, um I'm going to be interviewing my dear friend. Um Catherine woodward thomas very soon. She wrote the book conscious uncoupling She also wrote the book calling in the one. Where is that? Great book called calling in the one But conscious uncoupling when two people can end a relationship with love and dignity There's no reason why you can't be friendly with them only immature people and relationships without love and um With a bit of dignity. That's my impression. Anyway We gin Would you please provide some resources or communities for married couples? To join to maintain their marriage consciously. Yes, I highly recommend the book By the gotman seven principles for making the marriage work. I highly recommend type into google right now gotman institute There is a plethora of content By the gotman institute to help couples. Also, there's another great book Um, where's this other one? Okay, so this one is called uh, marie gave this to me how to make your second marriage a first class success Uh, there's a copy of the book below, but also This is uh, calvin roberts. He's on the show. Um married at first sight. He wrote a book marriage ain't for punks I have no nonsense guide to building a lasting relationship. I love this book This is one of those I picked up and I go. I love everything about it. Check out uh pastor calvin roberts Um marriage ain't for punks. So we gin. I hope that helps Uh Hey fuzz. Thank you so much for the 10. Is that frank? By the way, is that a frank or uh, a pound? I'm so clueless Uh, if that's a euro of frank a pound, whatever it is, please let me know Uh, lisa says nice shirt. Thanks so much all right Tina wants to remind us all. Thank you jonathan trust. Yes, exactly Uh, what they can't deal with the boyfriends themselves. That's kind of sad Now that's possibly true All right, let's keep going here bump bump bump bump bump bump. Remember write the word question and post the question there after Uh Margaret wants to remind us it's raining good men. It's raining good men. It's raining good women. It's raining good men It's raining good men. It's raining good women. Ah, you ladies you unicorn. You guys are all seeking the unicorn lisa wants to remind everyone that only 14 percent of men are over six feet tall Exactly the average height of a man is five foot nine My son is five ten. I am so disappointed that so many women will reject him For two fucking inches now if his penis was two inches shorter, maybe I can understand that Uh, but two fucking inches causes so many of you to say no How fucked up is that and some of you are barely five foot five does it really matter? But jonathan, I have to wear my 16 and a half inch heels I have to wear my six inch heels everywhere. I fucking go. I've got to walk around in heels wherever I go I go to the beach in these heels. I need them to be taller than me You guys are fucking insane. You'll pass up on good character for two fucking inches Ah You got me riled up Susan says I sat next to A lovely indian woman on honor way to arrange marriage in the u.s. We had a great conversation I could never marry someone I didn't know and even though those I do I got it. Thank you Uh Can I ask how old you are I am between the ages of 55 and 65 somewhere in that range That's how I'm answering my my my census All right, let's keep going Johica says it's important to take the time to get to know someone. There's no rush to avoid a miserable life You know folks. I was I told you I shared I was talking to a millennial the other day and we were having an interesting conversation and we were talking about the The demographics he was actually talking about lesbian women And I I'm gonna I may butcher this a little bit, but he says lesbian women Within three months of dating move in together now. He meant that is a generalization But we talked about that and the value of actually living with someone See when you live with someone you actually get to know who they are at an accelerated rate instead of and I was sharing with him I think dating is this long drawn out version of friends with benefits. That's what dating is People remember the woman who brought up the comment of only seeing your person once a week for months How much do you think about that? That's 12 times in 90 days if it's uh, three months I want you Marie and I spent 45 today days together in a hundred day period. That's literally almost every other day Um, that's not how it worked out because we had we had trips planned with each other but I wonder if maybe we'd be better suited and say hey if you want my vagina, let's live together for a few months and see how it works out Now I know that sounds crass to you some of you saying that is so repulsive what you just said But I want you to think about this it used to be if I wanted a guy wanted to get laid You'd have to get married if two people wanted to have sex. They'd have to get married They'd have to live together Marie's parents knew each other 12 days before they got married and they were married for 50 60 years I think 55 years now. Was it a good marriage? I don't know But maybe we should be doing this. I'm just making a suggestion. It's not an absolute Find out who they really are. So if it implodes in three months, you didn't spend three years dragging it out Some of you you've already posted comments. You've been with someone for years Only to have it want to know I want to know I want to listen I'd rather who raise your hand if you want to know in three months if it isn't going to work out Versus three years raise your hand Jonathan I'd much rather know in three months if it isn't going to work out Well, maybe living together gives you that opportunity to find out Anyways, that's my two cents on that one. So thank you so much Ah, let's keep going here Wait, I find taller guys have smaller penises Uh, that's interesting You know men criticize vaginas too by the way. So just remember you can criticize a penis men criticize vaginas. So Okay, Nicole says ideas on meeting dates if you don't resonate with online dating. Okay, great question, Nicole so You're a single woman. You desire a relationship The most important thing you need to understand is you have to be seen Someone write down the word s e e n To be seen by a single eligible man. Okay, so you're walking in the I went to Trader Joe's the other day Could have been single women there could have been single men there They see you but they don't know that you're single and eligible And by the way, I will tell you that before I met marie. I would I was I would rarely ever walk up to a stranger Especially a woman in midlife to begin a conversation because I have no idea if she's in a relationship with someone And based purely on looks felt in disingenuous. So Nicole, you have to be seen by single eligible men online dating right now represents 50 if not 70 of all new relationships Happening these days and it's just going to increase The movie sleepless with seattle came out in the 90s with tom hanks and and Meg Ryan There's a scene in the movie where tom hanks's wife Real-life wife is talking to a friend and the friend says it is easier to be killed by a terrorist Than to meet someone when you're over 40 years old as a woman Ladies the internet has now increased your opportunities a Thousand fold because the average woman over 40 years old is rarely seen by single eligible men because you're not Congregating in a place to get to know people anymore. We no longer live in these villages these tribes where we're interacting with people Okay So unless you ask friends to set you up Okay, you can go to home depot all day long and go look for the the builder type But again, you'll be wasting your time. Those are such fantasies Yes, there's always the exception to the rule. So online dating. What does online dating do? It invites scam artists It invites players. It invites users. It invites broken men But guess what your job is to learn how to sift through the haystack It's one of the reasons why I created my private coaching program I love it when I get calls. I love it that women make investment in coaching with me and I get calls all the time Jonathan, I met a great guy. Jonathan. I met a great guy. Jonathan. I met a great guy and they know the difference Because they've learned how to sort how to filter how to filter in and filter out guys So that's my invitation for you, Nicole. Maybe you should schedule a call with me and see if working with a coach is right for you All right, lulu Hey, I like the evil eye next to your name He came to meet me from another date Now he offered to go meet him right now he offered to go meet him somewhere Should I go for it? He said he'll pay for the flight Did he come from another state or another date? I'm assuming another state Listen, he is paying For your vagina He should fly to you. He should get a separate hotel Okay, and then spend time with you if you have not built a level of trust with one another Um, he's paying for your vagina men will fly by the way, it's it's believe it or not Paying for dates is a lot less expensive Because you can build a connection with someone you see paying for for prostitutes sex workers It's so impersonal So yeah, a man could get one for three or 400 bucks But you can spend that on a few dates from online dating. It'd be a little bit more personal It's a little bit more physically satisfying and yes, some men will pay for airfare But believe me your chances of it being real Will be if you've built some trust with one another At least with the case of marie and I she actually came to a wedding with me On the second date so she met friends of mine. I felt safe enough We had enough rapport where I felt safe with them, but be careful of the guy who's going to fly you out Doesn't mean he's a bad guy. I'm just I'm just being your protector here And be careful of that have him fly to you have him get a separate room If he's willing to fly to you and get a hotel room You have a greater chance for success than you flying in and staying the night at his place Is this sinking in is this red name? Please let me know All right Let's keep going here Oh a lot of people raise their hand. I forgot. Yes, exactly seen seen seen What do what do men criticize about women's vaginas? Okay That it's not tight enough. That's one thing. Maybe the scent may be Um Might be pungent or it may not be lubricated enough. This is what men women complain about penises men complain about vaginas too Actually, we don't complain to other men about this. We don't really, you know But anyways, that's what they could complain about all right If you have a question write the word question Kimberley says I've gained so much strength from listening to you I'm realizing how I have failed in the last relationship. I really have given every type of chance But there has been no attraction. Okay. Happy to hear I'm helping Joe Hicka says have you ever considered making an event for singles? Yes, I have but let me tell you something It is such a fucking pain the ass to get people to show up to an event So here's my invention. Okay. Anyone who's listening if you want to put together an event in the city you live in My cost for this Simply cover my airfare and a hotel I like to fly first class. So I'll upgrade myself airfare and hotel. That's all I need You figure out how to get butts in the seat you charge you if you make a couple thousand dollars You keep it. I just need the airfare and the hotel for two nights at an reputable hotel I will happily speak to any event in your city. You probably need 20 women, maybe 50 bucks a person Maybe 30 women 50 bucks a person get the butts in the seat and I will fly to your city. That's all I need I don't need to make a profit. I just want airfare and the hotel. I'll pay my own food Ah, you can take me out to dinner too Anyone who wants to do that say jonathan I will plan an event and if you do go to my website jonathanasley.com write my assistant Christina at support at understand men now calm and she'll get you my contact info. Okay Oh Serial killer I have to escape dinner serial I was watching the sand man. They had a serial convention for serial killers Um Tina said I would show up. I want you to arrange it one heart america said I will host Again, all I need is airfare and the hotel two nights hotel my airfare. I live in los angeles So one heart america. I'm I'm going to take you up on your offer Susan says, uh, coconut oil works great as a lube healthy and tastes good I will tell you, uh, I have been I I I had, um, coconut oil Actually my sweetheart turned me on to uber lube uber lube which is uh at amazon 25 bucks. It's it's got a little squirt thing on it But I love coconut oil as well. It tastes good I know women like to put it on penises as well as men putting it on vaginas Uh, let's see Christine says I'm in sydney so I can't afford airfare. I'm sorry. Well, you just have to plan the event Bar tinder's no bar. I want you to plan the event you get you get butts in the seat and I will show up I'll even pay for marie's airfare Let's see who else Let's see what else we've got Tina says great idea. You wouldn't have to travel too far. Okay. I'm in los angeles Let's see venza says what if we are in the same city if you're in los angeles you organize the event I will show up um Hey, you know what it's been an hour. I think okay So coming back to the three reasons why you should not make a man chase you I just want to remind you if he's experiencing infatuation or lust or limerence Men disappear after they have sex. It's called post nut clarity Number two allowing him to chase invites broken men into your life These are men who are hurting and desirous of connection You will become his therapist and lastly men who expect to chase you Once they get you they expect you to chase him So those are three reasons why you should not let a man chase you Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know if it is Please post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts. I read almost every question If you have find value in this video, please hit that like button Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel hit that notification bell And if you need some support in the description below are great ways to connect with me Whether it's instagram or other places check out the link below. Uh, also, it'll be in the first comment All right, I think this will be a great place to wrap up this video And i'm going to wrap it up as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic jotham barack of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank cj posi lisa marie leafs in the house finally um McCoy christin benzy melanie lisa lulu uh sherry Uh margaret marie desert gg tina Susan christin bartenders no bar lulu One heart america everyone. Thanks so much. Hope you found value tonight wishing you all the best. Be well. Thanks. Bye now