 Taking away the narcissist fuel. Taking away their supply. Taking away their power to affect you. To do this, you must reinforce your boundaries. You must reinforce what is okay and what is not okay for you. The narcissist might not be in your life anymore. And while many would be sad during this time, you need to see it as something that is beneficial for you. Something to be grateful for. You need to see it as though it is for your protection, whether you left the narcissist or the narcissist left you. It is a blessing in disguise. It is an apparent misfortune that eventually has good results. It seems bad or unlucky at first, but it results in something good happening later. It all depends on how you see it. That determines what effect you will get from it. You're seeing it as a loss when it is not a loss. You have not lost something of value. Losing them is a good thing. It's an advantage because they were not bringing anything of value to you. They were only taking value away from you. You've just developed this mindset that you were not good enough or that you could have done more. Maybe you could have done something differently and had a different outcome. This will dominate your thoughts unless you put your attention on something else. Instead of thinking about what you could have had with them, you need to think about what you never had with them, what you should have had from the start. If you are unlimited to no contact with a narcissist, you need to start reinforcing your boundaries. You may want to argue with them. You may want to tell them how you feel and they will provoke you into arguing with them because then at least you're still engaged with them. It shows that you still care about what they did to you. It's given them fuel. You shouldn't try to work things out fairly with a narcissist. They're not fair to you. You cannot treat someone equally when they're not going to treat you equally because then you're just going to end up getting the short end of the stick. When you're trying to work things out with them and you're trying to make a plan of how it's going to go, you're just wasting your time. That doesn't work with narcissists. You can show respect and decency to a respectable, decent person, but not to a narcissist. That will only put you in an even more difficult and unpleasant situation. You're not dealing with a normal person so it cannot be resolved in a normal way. There isn't going to be a mutual understanding. You'll be left with an unfairable outcome or result. Social norms tell us how we are supposed to treat each other and how we should be kind and decent, but then most of society and the people in these positions of power are not aware or concerned with how harmful these narcissists are. They don't care about how these narcissists are destroying people's lives and that is why you have to make your own decisions. You have to do what is best for you. Forget about what people think. Forget about society. They don't have to live your life. They don't have to deal with these people. They don't have to deal with the effects of being around them. So forget about what they think. It's your life and you need to be in control of it. You need to be the one making the decisions. You need to decide where you want your life to go. You can't worry about what people are going to think. You have to take the matter into your own hands and make your own decisions. Even when you've taken the narcissist fuel it doesn't mean that you should still engage with them. You shouldn't be giving them a lifeline. You shouldn't have any hope of things getting better. You shouldn't have an expectation or desire for a particular thing to happen. When you have any hope of them changing you are still giving them your attention. You are still giving them your energy. You are still giving them control over your emotions. You trust and believe in them. You rely on them. If you are doing all of this without even being around them you are giving them your energy and that still fuels them. When you are thinking about them when you are hurting over them you are giving them energy where your attention goes. Energy flows. And your energy is their fuel. There's a part of you that just wishes they were normal. You have cognitive dissonance. Two conflicting beliefs. You don't want to accept the truth and reality of the situation. You don't want to accept what you've had to experience with them. Some of you still care about the narcissist. You still think that you love them but that is not possible. You cannot love a narcissist. You cannot love someone who doesn't love themselves. And while the narcissist may portray an image of excessive pride or admiration in their own appearance or achievements the truth is they actually hate themselves. And this false image of self appreciation is actually just a coping and defence mechanism for how they really feel about themselves. They don't love themselves. They don't see the value in who they really are. So how could they ever see the value in you? You should not value someone who cannot see your value just as you should not love someone who cannot love you. It's an unfair trade and you are left receiving less than you're given out. Which gradually deteriorates you over time. They don't even know what love is. Your idea of love is very different from their idea of love. What you value and what is important to you is not valuable or important to them. You're very different. There's nothing that you really share. There's not enough things that you both value. There's not enough things that you both have in common that is what you might consider to be love. Because love really is about acceptance. Acceptance is about having an agreement or a belief in an idea or explanation. When all you ever do with them is argue or disagree they're always in opposition to you because there aren't enough things that you both value. There aren't enough things that you both have in common. So how could you ever love them? You think that you love them but that's just the programming. That's from the love-bombing phase. You need to be more aware of what you're dealing with. You need to constantly remind yourself feeling sorry for them is not going to help you. Being kind isn't going to help. They're just going to take your kindness for weakness. They're only going to take advantage of you. They display fake emotions. So when you're interacting with them you need to be fake, just like them. Because everything that they're giving to you is fake. Fake emotions, fake kindness, fake apologies, fake love. Take away their supply. Take away the attention and admiration. The assistance and cooperation. Money, sex, whatever you're giving to them, whatever they're benefiting from, cut it off. And you will see just how much love they had for you. Focus on self-care and self-development. That will strengthen you for the future. Whatever you do, some people will not like it. It is not possible to satisfy everyone. Someone will always complain, will be displeased no matter what you do. Some people are just miserable and nothing will make them happy. But this is your life. And you are responsible for your life. Along with your mind, body and soul. So you must make the decisions that are best for you. Because no one else is going to do it. No one else is going to put you first. You have to do it for yourself. If you're no good for yourself. If you're not in good shape physically or mentally, you're not going to be good for anyone else. Sometimes you have to be selfish. Sometimes you have to be concerned with your own wishes or needs. You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. Attend to your needs first before you worry about anyone else. And then you will be in much better shape to attend to other people. Thank you for watching. I hope this video resonated with you. Please like, comment, share and subscribe. Click the bell icon to receive notifications for my future videos. If you're lighter than me, my PayPal link is in the video description. Coaching inquiries, you can email me at nagsforvecoaching.com. Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon.