 Hi, and welcome to How to Be a Man Magnet by Looking and Feeling Your Best. I'm Matthew Coast, and today I have Kimberly Seltzer from EliteImageMakeovers.com. And Kimberly is a dating coach, an image consultant, as well as a matchmaker. So thanks for being with us today, Kimberly. Thanks for having me. Hi. So you used to be a therapist. Can you talk a little bit about why you became an image consultant and a dating coach? How long do we have? I have a long story to tell. Actually, I almost refer to myself these days as a retired therapist. And the reason why I say that is I had a very different life. I'm from Chicago originally. I live in LA now. And at the time, I had a thriving practice. I worked with families and couples and individuals. And we did a lot of talking. As a therapist, we do lots of talking, talking is great, nothing wrong with talking. But I found that when I had some things happen to me and I was ready to take action, it made me realize that there was something more that I wanted to do to help people. And so my journey was, I moved from Chicago to California. And I always joke. I did what the other Californians do. I got a divorce. Obviously, there were other issues going on. But I was at that pivotal moment of, oh my gosh, what do I do? I had a couple of kids. I had the dog. I had my whole life was kind of shattered at that point. And there was no way I was going to be a good therapist at that point. I always used to joke. People would come to me. And if I had to help them at that time, I'd be like, you think you have it bad? Let me go on the couch and tell you a little bit about my problems. So as I was going through my journey, realizing that talking wasn't enough and that my own transformation needed to take place, a couple of things happened. So the first was, I got a makeover myself. And it was kind of by accident. The first thing was, back then, as a mom, a newer mom, I had oversized big black clothes, nursing bras and Birkenstocks. That was like pretty much my wardrobe. And then I was at that point where, oh my gosh, so now I have to go date. It wasn't going to happen in those clothes. But honestly, I wasn't feeling it. I wasn't feeling sexy. I wasn't even knowing how to flirt with guys. I didn't even know what to do because the last time I dated guys was back in college at fret parties. I had no frame of reference what to do. So that was the first thing. And then I had to get new clothes because I started losing weight. First it was out of stress, but then after a while it was out of really eating better and having a better lifestyle. I started exercising and really getting back to myself. And so when things started fitting me better and I started actually incorporating color into my wardrobe, guess what? I started getting noticed more. And the more I got noticed, my confidence grew. So I started realizing the importance of this semi-symbiotic relationship between the outer and the inner. And then me being a therapist, I was like, wow, this is kind of magical. And I want to help others with that. And then of course, I was obsessed with that show, What Not to Wear. I don't know if anybody knows that show, but it's a makeover show. And I'm like, gosh, those people are really making some interesting changes. I wonder if they last. So I wanted to kind of combine my background as a therapist and do makeovers with people. And it's been an amazing journey. Then moving into the space of helping singles and becoming a dating coach. And working with some of the top people in the industry, realizing also that the infield work was crucial. No longer was it just talking about changing. I'm actually helping people take action by changing, by changing their clothes, by changing their body language, helping people how to flirt, getting kind of their mojo on both men and women, by the way. But that's kind of how I got started. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. That's awesome. And one of the things that I think is just really fascinating about that. And from my own experience as well, I actually originally used to be a men's dating coach and I kind of switched over sides. And one of the things that I learned when I was in college is I went through this study. I found this study. I was reading about this study where they put people into different types of clothing and they would send them out onto the campus and they had these people planted around the campus and they would interact with that person. And what they ended up finding from doing a whole bunch of studies on people and wearing clothes and what was going on with them is that they actually found that when a person had a specific type of clothing on, they would kind of like take on this identity of a person that would wear that type of clothing. So if they had like a suit, like if a guy had a suit on, he like almost had this different persona about him than if he was wearing just a t-shirt and jeans. You know, and so I definitely, I mean, and that's just one aspect, but I totally agree with you. You know, there's the, a lot of people kind of do the whole, I'm just going to do inner work and then there's a whole lot of people that are like, I'm just going to focus on the outer things and really the most powerful way to really get and create whatever it is that you want in your life, whether it's better relationships, whether it's better health or having more money or anything like that is to work on both sides of it. So that's awesome that that's what you found as well. And so, you know, I was going through your website and I was looking at some of these before and after images and I have to say that they are absolutely remarkable. You know, there's some really powerful transformations that people go through when, when, through just by looking at some of those pictures on there. Can you tell us a little bit about what a woman might experience by kind of doing, having a makeover, you know, changing up her clothes and going through some of those services? Yeah, I love what you said, by the way. You know, when you were talking about that study, because I too was familiar with another study out of the New York Times that did something similar where these guys put on white coats and they pretended to be doctors just by their costume. And because of what they were wearing versus the placebo group, it was so interesting that they actually performed and were believed to be doctors just based on that white coat. So to your point, clothes is a huge aspect of who we are. And actually, they went so far as to study the brain and do you know the brain actually shifts? And they coined the term enclosed cognition. It's really interesting. So when people say, or women come to me to do makeovers and they're like, well, one of the most common things I'll hear is, well, if a man doesn't like me for me, then eff him, you know? And I hear that a lot. That women are very fearful about changing who they are. And the first thing, you know, that I deal with is you're right. It's not just the inner, it's not just the outer. It's both. We're kind of a packaged deal and it's how you package yourself and how you market yourself. It has nothing to do with changing who you are on the inside but packaging yourself in a way so that people get to know the real you. And that's really where it starts. When I work with women who either have low body confidence or self-image, they've never even learned how to dress or maybe they're just wearing the wrong clothes. It could be anything. I love starting where the clothes are because it's an easy gateway into somebody's confidence. Often too, I'll find that women think that they can't wear something. You know, they'll see it on a mannequin or they'll see it on their friends. They're like, oh, I can never be like that or I can never do that. Quite often it's because they don't know their body type and they don't know what looks good on them and that's what I'm all about. I really help women figure out, you know, their personal style, their body type, their colors and when it comes to dating, a great dating image that works for them. Not like the cookie cutter trends that are here in LA that, you know, looks good in the magazines. It's really about you. So again, it's not, I'm never ever trying to change people. I'm just trying to really bring out the best version of that person. Yeah, you know, that's really fascinating that you say that. And, you know, what's funny is that that's where I kind of came from when I was first. Before I became a men's dating coach, I was a learner, you know. I was really pathetic with women. It's really what it boils down to. I was just horrible with women. And one of the things that I remember saying a lot back then was I would say things like, you know, if she'd just get to know my personality, you know, if she'd just get to know who I really was, you know, and stop judging me for what I wear, you know, maybe she'd, you know, find out. And it was somebody, I talked to, I think I was at a seminar or something on dating and I was talking to this guy and he was telling me, he's like, well, how is she ever going to find out who you are if, you know, you're like, dumbing yourself down on the outside? You know, like if instead you were wearing something that made you look attractive, she, it would be a lot easier for her to get to know you because then it wouldn't be like, like, whoa, you know, what's going on with that? Why is he wearing those, you know, grandma jeans? You know what I mean? Like, you know what I mean? And so, so I really like that point that you said there. And so if a woman wants to attract a certain type of man, is there something specific that she should wear in order to attract a particular type of guy? Well, Matthew, I mean, this is kind of the old adage of like attracts like, it's always amazing to me when, you know, men and women come to me and they say they want a certain type and then I tell them to look in the mirror and they're totally different than the kind of person they want to attract. So that's the first thing is really take a look at, you know, who you are as a person and who you want to attract. It's funny because there, and I'll just say this on a standpoint from the guy that I was working with the other day, I do these virtual sessions, kind of like how we're talking today, but I actually do Skype makeovers, which is super fun. And he was saying he wanted an athletic thin woman who was 10 years younger than him. And he was dressed very sloppy and not at all athletic and didn't exercise a day in his life. So I was like, okay, well, let's start with you and getting you some clothes that are a little more athletic based. So it same applies for women, you know, take a look at who you're wanting to attract. So that's the first thing. The second thing I say is to, again, stop worrying about like what your friend is wearing and, you know, women, unfortunately, we tend to dress up for each other instead of a guy. And what we women like isn't necessarily what a guy likes. And I'll talk a little bit more what guys find sexy. But in general, if you take a look at your body type, get educated, and I do have a gift for you at the end about that, your colors, what your personal style is, like look at your lifestyle, what you want to kind of tell about you, your clothes tell a story about you. So you really have to look at what you're putting out there as your message. As long as you're congruent with your message and who you are, then you're gonna attract that kind of guy. I just find it a really interesting statistic too that I wanna throw out that 55% of your dating success can be increased just with what you're wearing. And that's not me talking, that's research. So that's pretty powerful stuff, ladies. I mean, there's not many things in life where you can get that instant gratification, the instant changing. We're doing all this internal work that takes time. There's nothing like putting on a pair of heels or a dress that makes you feel feminine and sexy and gorgeous. And I know not every woman out there feels that way in a dress and heels, but if you talk to me, if you work with me, I can put a dress and heels on almost every body type, every kind of foot. And there's alternatives to that as well. So one of the things that I just kinda wanna point out about what you said there, and it's funny because right now I'm building a series of different programs for a lot of the women in our community. And one of the things that I talk about, and one of the ways that a lot of women come into our community is they'll come in kinda with this mindset, right? Where they're like, it's all about the guy. And it's like, okay, how do I get him to do this? How do I make him do that? How do I force this guy to be what I want him to be? Or how do I get this guy that is everything that I want? And they don't tend to look at what's going on with them. One of the big things that I was actually just putting into a program, so I think it's just fascinating that you're talking about it, is kind of creating those same aspects in yourself. If you're going to look for a guy that has his life together, what kind of a woman do you think he's going to want? He's definitely not gonna want some woman that's just attempting to force him into all these things. He's gonna want a woman who's got her life together as well. He's gonna want a woman who's got all these different aspects of what he's got going on in her as well, because a lot of this stuff, it takes time to develop yourself. It takes time to kind of pull out some of those, get rid of some of those things that are stopping you from really expressing the most amazing parts of yourself. And when you do that, you wanna find other people that have hit that space as well. So anyway, that was just kind of a tangent that I wanted to run off of. That's an awesome tangent, by the way. And if I can just piggyback off of that, that what it made me think of is something that I deal with a lot with women. And you're right, like I think, and men do this too, like everybody's so focused outside themselves and getting the man, getting the girl, instead of really saying being that magnetic person that draws men to you because you love you. I mean, at the end of the day, men love women who love themselves. And that's really where it all has to begin. And so all the stuff that Matthew and I are talking about today has to do with that. One of the fun exercises I have women do is to wear sexy lingerie underneath those clothes. It's funny, I'll go shopping with women and we'll get all these fantastic clothes and I'm in the dressing room with them. And then I see they have these like granny underwear on that are two sizes too big, like what's she doing? And the response a lot of women say is, well, I don't have a boyfriend. So I mean, why do I have to worry about it? And to the point that you just made, I say back to the women, it's not about the guy, it's about how you feel wearing that underwear. Because guess what? If you know what you got going on, that guy is gonna find you attractive because that sexiness is gonna come within you. Yeah, absolutely, you know, and just kind of piggybacking off of that as well. You know, there's this kind of space that you can get to and the faster you can get there, the more attractive you're gonna be. And it's really this space where you don't need this guy to do things or be anything or get to a certain spot. When you're more focused on being that awesome person and less on how am I gonna get him to do this and how am I gonna get him to do that, it's magnetic, it's powerful. All of a sudden that man magnet thing that we're talking about is one of those things that comes from that. And so, you know, going back over to kind of the, you know, what to wear and stuff, you know, you're talking about lingerie underneath, like your clothes, is there anything specific that a woman should wear on a date or shouldn't wear for that matter? Oh gosh, there's so much. Okay, so here's the thing, is again, men are attracted to women who feel good about themselves. So the first rule if I might always tell women is take a look in your closet and what are the go-to items, go-to outfit that you usually put on your body when you have a date? You most likely you'll find components of those clothes that are working for you. Sometimes we don't think about reasons of why we're so competent in wearing something, but if you really dissect it, it's usually the way things fit. Maybe you got reinforced for, you know, being in it, like a guy really complimented you a lot or lots of guys did. Maybe it's the color that really works for you and attracts men or people in general. It also could be the way that you, your body is moving in it, you know? So I would say that's the first and foremost, something that you feel really good and confident in because that's gonna shine through. Avoid anything that you're gonna feel like you're fidgeting in, you're not confident in, you're itching it, you know? We don't think about stuff like that, but I call them, you know, the confidence depleters because the guy doesn't know you yet and his first impression, if you're itching yourself, he doesn't know what to make of that. So that's the first rule of thumb. The second thing is less is more and I don't mean by less clothes. I wanna be certain that you guys get that. It actually has to do with simplicity. Men really enjoy clothes that showcase your figure in a very flattering and classy way. Often again, like women will kind of go overboard and maybe they'll dress for each other, you know, we're a lot of flowery things and patterns and things that kind of cover up your beautiful figure and guys just like something very simple. It like also things that are sensual and soft to the touch, cottons, statins, see, Matthew's smiling as I'm saying it. So you guys can't see this, but I'm hitting on something. Those are things. Also, pick a part of the body that you really feel amazing about, confident in and if you don't, you need to call me because every woman should look in the mirror and have one part of the body that they really like. So if you like your legs, then show them off, you know, wear the short skirt. And then I said the final thing is ladies, men love femininity, okay? And what that means is in how that translates to your clothes is, because I work with just as many men as I do women and I'm constantly serving guys. I'm like, what do you find sexy? They all say two things. A dress or a skirt and a pair of heels. Why? Because they don't wear them. It's something that's feminine, it's different. The way you move and you walk and the way your body is, they love that. So if you keep kind of some of those rule of thumbs in mind for your dating clothes, it'll get you far. Oh, I wanna mention one other thing is really know where you're going on the date, hopefully. I mean, unless it's a surprise on your first date, if you're going on a hiking date, you're gonna wear something different than if it's a coffee date or if it's a drink at night. So that's important, too. Yeah, and I just wanna mention a little bit about that whole feminine thing as well and just what I've kind of noticed from my own perceptions of women and how they dress and how they act and whether it's feminine or not. And I get a lot of women that come to our community that have this problem of intimidating men. They feel like they're strong women and all that. And one of the things that I tend to say is that a lot of times it's not actually because you're strong and independent, it's because you're just taking on that masculine role. And one of the things that I've experienced just from the change in something that a woman wears, the change in the way that she kind of presents herself and bringing out that feminine side of her, it's to a man, it's literally like magic. I mean, it's like the woman just, it's like she poofs with fairy dust and she just turns into this magical, beautiful creature that guys are just like, what am I looking at right now? This is amazing, and it's just, it's a beautiful sight to behold and there's nothing that if you're looking to attract a masculine man, get into your femininity. Wear something that makes you feel feminine, that gives you that flow and it's really, really powerful stuff. So. Can I say something about that? Yeah, go ahead. I just want to, because this is something that I hear a lot of women say, especially if they don't feel confident in their body or if they feel like they don't have the body type to wear dresses. I want to say that I find dresses in every body type, every size that works for you. So there is something for everybody, but the other thing is a lot of women don't feel comfortable getting the attention. And so like when you were talking about, if you want to have that effect on guys, in theory that sounds great, but to some women it's pretty scary. And that goes more like into some deeper work about what about having attention is scary for you. But to those women out there who do feel that way, I always say take baby steps. You know, maybe it's just one thing you want to try. So if the dress is too scary, maybe just start with a pair of heels with pants that you feel like jeans and a nice shirt. Maybe play with doing something with your hair that's a little more feminine and flowy. You know, and it kind of snowballs. And after you get used to it, kind of like a costume almost, you really start embodying it. And then again, like what happened to me when I first got back out there, I got reinforced, you know, guys started commenting on the way I looked and my confidence grew in that attention seeking thing that was so scary to me, I started to embrace it. So do you have anything that for like younger or older women, is there something that maybe an older woman should wear or shouldn't wear that a younger woman can or shouldn't? Do you have anything like that? Yeah, that's a really good question because I get that a lot. And I work with people in their 20s all the way up too. I've worked with women in their 80s. And I think the rule of thumb is looking at just what is age appropriate and feeling good for you and looking at your body type because there are some clothes that could look just amazing on both, you know, the 30 year old and the 50 year old if they have the body to wear it and the confidence, then more power to them. I think what's inappropriate is like, you know, if you have an older lady who maybe is dressing like Britney Spears or something like that, I mean, something outrageous. That the key is it's not about, oh, I don't wanna be like not looking young. Like being youthful is a good thing. Everybody, both men and women, when I dress them, I always try to dress them in a way that exudes like a youthful type of look. And that is never inappropriate. What's inappropriate is when something, usually people feel it where things are hanging out and or showcasing parts of their body they don't like. And here's the other thing. I would say, and Matthew, you can kind of correct me if I'm wrong, but men don't like you hanging out with everything, right? It's like having a little bit of mystery about you is a good thing. So for instance, if you had a dress that covered you up all the way to the neck and then you turn around and you have just a little bit of a dip in the back, like that is sexier. So, don't feel like in order to be sexy, to attract a man that you have to show a lot of skin or show your boobs hanging out or, it really is about balance and subtlety. Yeah, no, absolutely. You're totally right on that, you know? And I mean, this might sound a little strange, but men have, a lot of men have kind of this almost like explorer kind of mindset going on, in the background of everything that they do. And so, a woman to a lot of men is this mystery. And that's part of what the whole excitement is. That's part of what the whole kind of interaction, the whole courtship, that's what a lot of it's about is just finding out what mystery is there and exploring and discovering and finding out more about you. And so, yeah, I mean, I totally agree. And, you know, if you're showing up and you've just got, you know, like things going on that are just, you know, showing everything, you might be sending him the wrong message too. You know, if you're looking for something long-term, you know, and you show up wearing, you know, a bikini, you know, and it's, you know, you're at a restaurant, he might, you know, think something a little bit different than what you're attempting to put across. And the other thing that I wanted to mention, and just hit on real quick is that whole idea of youthfulness that you're talking about. And, you know, I have literally seen, I've done workshops and I've had women come into these workshops and they looked, you know, just years older than they were. And by the time they left, you know, they, we'd gone through all these different, like these different exercises and things to kind of break them through some of their blocks and some of the things that they had. And their energy about them had become a lot more playful, a lot more youthful. And the difference in the way that they looked, literally sometimes would shed like 10 years off of just their presence, the way that they held themselves and how they came across. And, you know, having that is so powerful. You know, I've met women that were much, much older than I thought they were, you know, just because of the way that they presented themselves. And one of the things that I like to tell women is that, you know, a lot of times it's not, you know, cause a lot of women are like, you know, guys just want the, you know, 18 year old bimbo, you know, and it's like, no, guys want youthfulness. You know, they want a woman that, you know, doesn't think that she's 100 years old, you know, that doesn't live like she's 100 years old. You know, she wants someone who has life about her, you know, and is living her life and is in that state of enjoying, you know, everything that life is about. And that's youthfulness. That's what youthfulness, that's, you know, there's a lot of quotes and different stuff about it. But that's what youthfulness is. It's living, it's being alive, it's being playful, it's being, you know, all those different things. And that is extremely attractive to men. I love that. Yeah, I mean, it's an energy, right? And it's, you know, a lot of times, and I don't know, we can talk about this later, when I teach women how to flirt, women get kind of clammed up and they hear the word flirting and they're like, oh, you know, they get the knot in the stomach and, you know, they think that they have to be Marilyn Monroe and twirl their hair and all that, although that does work for some women. It doesn't work for everybody and it's not comfortable. But for me, it's what you just said. It's about being playful. It's flirting with life, really. And that is so attractive. And when women, you know, get kind of gun shy about that and like, oh, I can't be like that. I'm such and such age. But then I'll ask them, well, okay, so what kind of guy are you attracted to? Well, I don't want some old guy. It's like, okay, well, there you go. What you want in a guy, guys want in you as well. So again, it goes back to what we were saying in the beginning, like attracts like. Yeah, no, absolutely. And just kind of going off that, you know, what you just said there is, is, you know, I've looked at a lot of different studies from people that have been in marriages for just decades and you know, they're like these older couples and stuff. And when you see them interact with each other, it's all, you know, whenever somebody's stayed together for that long, there's always something that's going on. And usually part of what that is, is they're still like flirting with each other. You know, they still play with each other. They still tease each other, you know? And it's part of that that, I mean, it doesn't matter how old you are, you know, that stuff is still attractive. And it's something that is a great thing to do, no matter what stage you are in a relationship. So just another thing that I wanted to kind of touch on here is, so what about women who are really self-conscious? And I know you were talking a little bit ago about, you know, like just taking baby steps and wearing something a little bit more feminine and all that kind of stuff. What about women who are self-conscious about their weight, for instance? Do you have any tips for how a woman like that can kind of, you know, what she should do or how she should kind of feel more confident about wearing something? Yeah, definitely, you know, I have a lot of women who are in the sizes 10 and up and there's definite themes when they come to shop with me. First of all, they're very self-conscious and they feel like they can't wear certain things and they're also kind of stuck in a rut with the clothes that they already have. I would say, you know, the first thing is really taking a look in the mirror and instead of focusing on what you don't have or what you wish you had, it goes back to looking at you at what you do have and what you want to show off. It is about body confidence and ladies, seriously, and Matthew, you can back me up on this. There are different types of women for every man and different men like different things and, you know, it can be very sexy for a man if you really enjoy your body, no matter what size you are. So I just, I really want to hit on that because I think a lot of times, especially in society and media, we see all these stick figures and photo shots, by the way, do a lot that's not even real. And so women are comparing themselves more and more than ever before because of technology. It's so rapid in our face and in our mind. So for any woman who is, I'd say, size 10 and up, first of all, don't get frustrated in the stores because most stuff actually is found online in that size. Now, there are stores that I shop with clients here in Los Angeles that have quite a good selection and it's a great place to start. The cool thing is, is once you know the brand that fits you, you can order stuff online very easily and it becomes a lot less frustrating. So a lot of it's education and the other thing is trial and error. Don't be scared about trying things that maybe you think don't look good on you. I have a quick story around that. So I was shopping with a woman and she was overweight in her mind, she wanted to lose about 20, 30 pounds and she was wearing clothes that were literally two sizes too big. Why? Because she didn't like the clothes clinging to her. She felt like she was trying to conceal a lot of the stuff. So especially her pants, she was wearing really wide pants to try to hide her legs. Well, I invited her to try on a pair of hot pants, meaning like the skinny pants that actually hugged her legs and showed her legs off. Now she was on the shorter side so she actually needed a thinner pant to elongate her body for her to appear taller and also thinner. But in her mind, she was like, no way, Kim, I can never wear that. So I'm like, look, we're just experimenting today and the beauty of today is you don't have to buy anything, you're just playing. So we went into the room and she put on the hot pants. We got a really cool top and put on a pair of heels, put on the earrings and she looked in the mirror and she burst into tears. And I said, what's going on? And she said, that's not me. Like that mirror's rigged. I said, no, honey, that is you. You just never have seen you. And it was just such a powerful moment for her to see herself in something she never imagined she could wear and now she wears all clothes that fit her body because ladies, I want you to really like, I can't stress enough. The more form fitting and again, it has to do with the fabric too because I know that there's some fabrics that cling to you and not so flattering ways. But if you get the right fabric, the right fit and it's something that actually hugs your body in a way where you can be seen, it's much more flattering and you'll be much more body confident in the end. Yeah, that was really, really powerful and I'm glad you shared that. And I definitely agree with you on the whole point of men being into different things. And there's so much confusion out there. Like women, I think kind of pull and pick different pieces from different, like different things that they hear and they kind of like mash it all together into this like collage of something that doesn't exist. And cause, I mean, there's guys out there who are more into your breast size and there's guys that are more into your butt and there's guys that are into thinner women, there's guys that are into bigger women and what a lot of women tend to do is they just pick and choose from a couple of things that they heard and they're like, oh, well, I need to have this size butt and I gotta be this small, but I gotta have these boobs and it really just confuses. I think it's really just confusing for everybody. And just kind of going off that point, I had a friend that I used to, when I lived in Arizona, I used to go out with him and we'd go out and meet girls all the time. And it was funny because he liked women that were big. He liked big women, and it was always so funny because he would like make fun of me because he thought that the women that I dated were too small and it was just like complete comedy every time we were out because he'd like throw out these little jokes about some girl that I was talking to and now she needs to eat a hamburger or something like that. And it was always just, and it really, it's true. There's just different guys that like different types of women and I have seen everything. I've seen women that are very, very large get guys and I've seen women who are very, very thin have the biggest problems in the world attracting men. Yeah, I mean, I totally agree about that. It was funny, I was coaching a guy one day and I was trying to figure out who he thought was sexy. And there's another difference here. There's a difference between a woman who is sexy and a woman who is just pretty or attractive. And so he was showing me all these different women. So one woman went by and she was a stick figure blonde but she was walking really stiff and she looked almost uncomfortable, right? So she walked by and I said, do you find her sexy? And he's like, well, I mean, she's pretty but no, she's not that sexy, not at all. I'm like, okay, about 30 seconds later, a woman, she was shorter but a little more heavier set but boy was she working it. I mean, she was, you know, she was moving and she made eye contact and she smiled and I said, so you find her sexy? And he's like, yeah. And it was like, it was a totally different kind of body type but the difference was is that she was body confident in that moment and the other one clearly was not. So ladies, that's the biggest takeaway is really just love your body for where it's at right now, embrace it. Well, and another thing I just wanna kind of go off on right there is there's this. So when you go and you're in a conversation with a man and you're talking to him, you know he might have a completely different impression. In fact, he probably does have a completely different impression than whatever it is that you think he's thinking right then. And if you start coming out with all these kind of things where you think there's something wrong with you and you think there's something wrong with your body and you're afraid of showing all these different aspects of yourself and you're being really insecure, he's going to start thinking in his mind, there's something wrong here, like what's going on, what am I missing? You know, what am I not seeing that I should be seeing? You know, and it's really, really powerful, you know coming across as confident, you know, for a man because he might not, you know, you have all these ideas about what men like, but that's not what men actually like. You know, those are just your ideas about what men like. You know, and so this guy that's talking to you, you know, and one of the things I talk about in one of my programs is, you know, always assuming that a guy's attracted to you. You know, if he's sitting there talking to you, if he came up to you and approached you, if he's, you know, in a conversation with you, he's probably attracted to you, unless it's for like something like business or work or something like that, you know, he's probably talking to you because he's attracted to you. You know, and so, you know, step into that, step into that space, step into that confidence, be that beautiful, amazing woman that he wants you to be. You know, he wants you to be radiant and flowing and, you know, and secure in yourself because that's the kind of woman that he wants to have in his life. Yeah. So, let's talk about first impressions real quick. So is what, and we all know how important first impressions are because everybody, everybody always talks about it, you know. You know, you never have a second chance to make a first impression. And so, do you think there's anything specific that a woman should do if she wants to make a great first impression with a man? Yeah, well, you know, it only takes 30 seconds to make a first impression, that's what the research says. I think it's actually last, but what happens in the brain, people are making judgments and assumptions on two things and two things only. The attire that you have on and the attitude that you have. That's a, it's not even what you're saying that's as important in that first impression stage than showing up in the best way possible. So, that right there is pretty powerful. It's not to say, oh my gosh, we're so superficial and depressive. It's actually, it should be exciting because there's a lot of things you can do instantly just to change up that first impression and really go in with that confidence. You know, it doesn't take like a genius to know that men are attracted to happy, fun, warm women and people in general are attracted. So, any attitude that you have that's coming from work or negativity that happened that day, make sure that you give yourself enough time in between like your work mode or the stress of your day to the date. I don't care, even if you're having a great day at work, you're still in that masculine energy because usually when you're in your work mode you're in that masculine. So, I always tell women make sure you have scheduled date at least an hour cushion in between. If not, if all possible, not even the same day at work. You know, I love doing weekend or other times that you can really kind of create that sexy space to go in. The other thing is, is really pay attention and be mindful of what you're putting on. Like, there was this woman who had a date that was coaching her on and we got all these amazing outfits and she just, she kind of just forgot. You know, she just went right from work and she had, she was a lawyer so she went with her blazer and her big pants, all the old clothes that she had. I was gonna kill her, I'm like, what are you doing? She's like, oh, you know what? I just didn't even think about it. So start thinking about it. Also think about everywhere and anywhere is a chance to meet men. So, it could be the grocery store, it could be the coffee bean. The more you start paying attention to what you put on your body and how that shows up for you, that's gonna transcend even in the dates that you have. You know, cause you're gonna have that energy about you all day long. And you know, the other thing is avoid the Q and A sessions, the interview session, go in being playful. And one of the things that I teach a lot of people to do are telling stories. You know, like actually Matthew and I are telling a lot of stories right now. It's more interesting, it's fun. We can also, when Matthew tells a story it makes me wanna tell a story and that's more fun. So anything that you can do for yourself where you're gonna actually have a more playful mindset, so be it. So that means dance around, crank the music, drink champagne right before the date that is gonna carry through. Yeah, awesome. And you know, just kind of going off of what you were saying before about the whole, like doing something different or not having work the same day and all that kind of stuff. I've also found that that's really, really kind of a key thing because a lot of times women will get into like just super masculine mode. And do you have any specific things that a woman could do to step into her femininity? If she has to go on that date that same day and she's just coming from work and she's not feeling sexy and she's just feeling, she's all in her head and stuff. Do you have anything that she can do to kind of switch modes and kind of step into her magnetic feminine part of herself? Yeah, I mean, the easiest is definitely the outfit. Just have some prep time in the morning or the night before to really think about it. If you have to wear, say like, a corporate type of outfit for work, you could have like a lacy cami underneath and change out your shoes so that you kind of make yourself a little more feminine. And then once you step into that, kind of the feminine costume, you'll start acting that way. There's no, it was funny because I, another story. Of course, I talk in stories, sorry. I was giving a, I was a keynote speaker and I was talking to these ladies about personal questions, actually what we're talking about right now. And I went up and wore my old mommy clothes, okay? And then underneath I had my dress on and heels. And as I was talking, I was stripping and I got into my new self. But boy, I gotta tell you, when I had my old clothes on and I was like walking through the hotel, like guys didn't hold doors for me. I felt invisible. I started, because I had my Birkenstocks on, I was like, I was walking so sluggish and not sexy at all. And the minute I transformed, it was jolting because then I got into even my new me, but I did remember that old me long ago. So it's very powerful. The other thing I would say is, if at all possible, really try not to meet at the same place or nearby where you're working. Even if it's a location that gives you a time to walk a couple blocks. If you live in a big city where you're walking or some space and time in your car, because then you can crank the music, you can just shake things up. And then the third thing is don't talk about work. Whatever you do, do not talk about your day. Don't talk about work. It immediately sets you into that masculine kind of energy. I was coaching a woman and she's like this high executive at a very well-known company and I gave her the assignment the whole weekend that she could not once talk about what she did for a living. And she was horrified in the beginning. But then she realized, oh my gosh, you mean I am so much more than just my work. I think these days, because women are getting so powerful in the workforce, we're actually identifying ourself of what we do for a living, rather than just who we are and getting to know the guy across from us. Yeah, that's excellent advice. So you said that you have a free gift for us. What's that all about? Yeah, so I do, it's a free gift. It's a free body type booklet. And as I was talking about before, half the battle is knowing your body type. There are five body types and my guide actually teaches you how to measure yourself. And I want to clarify it has nothing to do with weight distribution. It has to do with your bone structure. So you measure your shoulders, your waist and your hips and that'll determine what body type you are. And then also I kind of give you tips on what to avoid wearing and what to wear to put on your body once you know the body type. So make sure you download it. And then also I am offering a discount on my virtual makeovers if you do that as well that I talked about earlier. Awesome. And if you want to take advantage of that free gift, there's a button below this video right here and you can just go down there and click on it and you'll go and get all the information. Thank you so much Kimberly for being here. This has been an excellent interview. You have some just awesome information and it was a total privilege to have you on our interview today. And so again, it's Kimberly Seltzer from EliteImageMakeovers.com. So thank you so much for being here today. Oh my gosh, thank you for having me. It was awesome, fun. Awesome. And for everybody that's watching, I will speak with you again soon.