 Have you ever come across a man who you thought was genuinely interested in you, but he was also scared? Well, believe it or not this happens frequently and I can speak from personal experience because I will share with you publicly I think I've shared this before I have what's known as an anxious attachment style an anxious attachment style and what that means is I Actually act rather needy in relationship because of some inner fears that are going on inside of me Now there's also a different type of man known as an avoidant attachment style And by the way man or woman I should say and what happens is they get scared, but they close down They shut down. So there's the type that I am an anxious attachment style Hopefully I'd move to a secure now although I'll share with you something publicly that Surprises me even at the same time there are men that are avoidant in other words when they get scared They shut down and if you're not familiar with the work of Amir Levine and Rachel Heller I highly recommend checking out this book called attached. This helps you understand the basically three different types of attachment styles There's variations within the three. By the way, you can get all the books I recommend in Jonathan recommend books in the description So what they basically describe is anxious are those needy people avoidance tend to be the Emotionally insecure people or emotionally unavailable people. I call them emotionally constipated But I think we're all emotionally constipated to some degree And then there's what's known as secure and what this means is When you're feeling scared in a relationship you can either act in a needy way You can act in a avoidant way or when you get scared you actually act in a secure way Now, let me tell you where my anxious attachment was birthed because this might help you understand Maybe yourself or some men you've dated and there's certainly plenty of people that are avoidant types So there's a picture of my mother and father. It was taken in their 20s My parents were married 66 years before my mother passed away some years ago at the age of 88 And while my mom was a very sweet and loving woman There was something that happened in my childhood Repetitively that caused me to become an anxious attachment style And that is my mother would give love and then take it away And she'd give love and take it away and she'd give love and take it away And what let me explain that a little bit more detail What would happen is she would be very loving and then if she got mad at my brother myself or my father She would stonewall. She would stop communicating with us If you're not familiar with the work of John Gottman, I highly recommend checking out something He calls the four horsemen of the apocalypse in relationships And that is criticism contempt defensiveness and stonewalling and stonewalling means shutting down love basically shutting yourself down So my mother would do this now. I want you to imagine. I'm a four-year-old boy. I'm a seven-year-old boy I'm a 12-year-old boy And you have this person who's loving and then they take it away And after a while this repetitiveness caused me to get anxious saying mommy love me mommy love me mommy love me In fact, I can viscerally feel those moments right now as I'm sharing with you those times that she did that And while cognitively I understand that this I mean she never left me As a child there's this feeling of abandonment And this can be true for you as well Now the avoidant type usually when this was happening, which really was this my I'm wondering if my brother or sister were avoidants I think my brother might have been an avoidant attachment stop where he went inward when this happened to basically Self-sooth and what happens is they shut everything down So they're less emotional less communicative So you could be in a relationship with someone and this is when when you get triggered by fear And I'll share a couple of those things in a moment. These are the some of the things that might happen So you might be asking yourself. Why would you choose a person like this? Okay, well, it's very common I I believe that well over 50 of people have either an anxious and avoidant attachment style That's according to book. I believe that number is significantly higher I would say that number is closer to 80 of the population certainly the single population Mainly because there's a reason why we're single Because our fears get in the way But I also think it's important to understand something called the amago the amago If you're not familiar with the work of harvell hindricks and hell and hunt Here's a copy of the book getting the love you want What this explains is oftentimes we choose partners who are like one or both of our parents because there's this Gravitation to what's familiar the amago stands for mirroring. So it mirrors what we experience in our childhood For example, I had a friend who was in a relationship with a woman who was absolutely Loud and yelled at him and screamed and belittled him And what was familiar to him is that's what his father was like And this might have happened to you as well This is one of the reasons why women often chime shoes emotionally unavailable men because their father might have been emotionally unavailable And why men tend to gravitate to women like their mothers because they might have had the demanding mother Or maybe a mother like myself. I tended to choose women who stonewalled me that I mean my patterning was that So what are some of the things men do? When they're genuinely interested in you and get scared I want to share with you a couple things First off they pull away and in a moment I'll share a personal story In fact, I will share uh in a little bit some solutions of when this happens to how to avoid When a man gets scared even if he likes you he gets scared how to actually lean into the relationship But in about a second ago. I said they pull away. It's a very common experience when we get scared We feel the need to pull away This is why many of you have been taught to lean back when a man pulls away Because and what happens is look at two people are pulling away. What's the benefit of that? What's the benefit of leaning back when someone else is leaning back? I suggest leaning forward into your Empowerment. This is why I highly recommend women read the book. Where the heck is it right now? Read the book why men love bitches and bitch stands for babe in total control of yourself. Yes This is an empowerment book so that no matter what happens in your love life You actually can stand in your power. You don't need to lean back I want you to lean into your sovereignty your self worth your self esteem your self confidence Step into your sovereignty Ah Some of the other reasons why this happens what men what they do or feel Is that they they've been hurt before just like you've been hurt before I was recently speaking to a woman who was with a man who had literally been hurt when the last three of his Relationships and so he wanted to take everything slow because he was afraid he liked this person But he was afraid to give in to that like Because he didn't know if she would abandon him Interestingly enough she did I will tell you this. I'm not a big proponent of taking things slow. I'm a big proponent of intentional dating Uh accelerated dating radical honesty laying your cards on the table I'm not in favor of taking things slow. We're at an age where we don't have time to fuck around anymore The days in front of for those of us in midlife the days in front of us are shorter than the days behind us I'm a person that believes in cutting to the chase cutting to the quick One of the other things that happens for a lot of men and women. They're just tired of the dating process I know you feel that way. I know I feel that way and in a moment i'm going to share a personal story because So most of you know i'm in a significant relationship and yet Literally after the first date I pulled away I pulled away because I actually liked this person a lot And I got scared. I got scared because there was distance involved. I was scared because I didn't you know, I'm you know, I've had such poor. I felt like I've had such poor experiences That I did a tiny little pullback And thankfully she didn't overreact. She didn't do anything dramatic She sensed it And yet when we were apart I realized that I genuinely missed her I realized I genuinely appreciated her and sometimes we do need space to recognize what we have I'm not a big proponent of women chasing men, but I'm not a big proponent of chasing in general I believe in mutual effort I believe two people should travel down the street like a two-lane street traveling at the same speed Let the man travel a little bit more make them just a little more effort than you But just a tiny bit more Because if you do if you if it's this lopsided he's not going to feel safe Many of you women that lean back and try to give a man too much space. He doesn't trust you And again, I'm going to share in a moment how to create a stronger bond of trust because that's the most important thing That we want to accomplish So As I shared with you I pulled back A little bit and then I leaned in Okay Now I can tell you that the reason why leaned in because she operated from a place of vulnerability Authenticity and transparency I'm going to repeat that she operated from a place of vulnerability Authenticity and transparency. I really appreciate that. That's the way she operate now Maybe it was because we developed a friendship Over a year period of time before we actually engaged in a relationship In fact, when we first met it was under the guise of just being friends We took the romance off the table to some degree and yet when we met there was a strong connection a strong bond and let me just say this In our dating marketplace today If there isn't a strong bond at that very first meaning It's very hard to have the relationship take off because of because the reality is is these days were meeting total strangers Thankfully, she wasn't a stranger to me when we met But there needs to be a strong connection now. Here's where strong connection is a little bit tricky Because if you're experiencing if if the man is experiencing lust or limerence And lust is I want to fuck your brains out and limerence is extreme infatuation It could come across as love bombing. It could come across as making grandiose promises Okay, the reason why this is happening is he's he's experiencing sexual desire for you Or he's put you up on a pedestal You have to i'm going to post a video in a few days about love bombers and narcissists to get a better understanding of this because Some people operate at such a high level of wanting to get you and that should be a red flag to you Now what I was experiencing was a strong bond a strong connection I was quite differently because I operated from a place of being a gentleman And I believe she would agree. She would griff. She was on here right now. She'd say the same thing Certainly I was a bit smitten by her And that's very common and yet I still got scared. I pulled away Well, let me share something else with you We're now in a significant relationship with each other. We've declared it. I've now finally made it public out there and yet the other day I texted her and she texted me in the morning I texted her back and I didn't hear from her for a long period of time and all of a sudden my default of fear popped in This is a fully committed relationship and yet and I still experienced fear This this is such an ingrained experience this trigger Okay, and many of you have experienced significant triggers as well This is why I continually recommend the book the Hoffman process the Hoffman process This is a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas as well as those adult traumas That causes to get triggered and even as as aware as I am and it was fascinating to me because I should listen I didn't have to tell her I experienced this. I didn't have to tell her it I told her because I was laughing at myself Self-awareness. Okay, so if you take a strong bond With intentional dating as well as self-awareness You have a recipe for this to happen to build a tapestry together Again a strong connect. Did I say bond a strong connection? intentional dating Intentional dating is about is about radical honesty. It's about laying your cards on the table And self-awareness. Do you know your red flags? Do you know your pothole? Do you know the holes the potholes in front of you? I am very I I told her right up front some of my I don't want to call them weaknesses, but red flags if you will I can get needy. I'm aware of that. I express that up front ladies If you're aware you're needy go ahead and express it up front with someone you feel a strong connection with number two, I'm ridiculously impatient. I am radically punctual That's one of my ocd things and I'm also ridiculously impatient and when I get impatient. I can get aggravated This is probably some childhood wound that I got triggered in childhood, and I'm still continually working on this after 50 plus years In fact, I shared this recently Uh, when I picked her up the airport the last time I lost my car at the parking lot at lax I can't believe it. I just and I we spent an hour looking for it and I was losing my mind And thankfully she didn't judge me as weak. She didn't she was just she was just smiling the whole time She said this is part of the adventure You know what? I'm gonna share something with you. I'm gonna go off on a tangent like I always do I have a habit of going down rabbit holes One of the things that I most appreciate about her is she's just chill Just chill. I think that's a that's a and by the way, she told me where this came from She was raised in a chaotic home And she had a marriage that was in such chaos that if she didn't learn to become chill In situations she would have lost her mind She in fact she embodies what this coffee mug said let that shit go and that's literally what she was telling me When I lost my car and we eventually found it I was ridiculously embarrassed I was so ashamed And yet she didn't judge me I've had other relationships. They would have seen me as a weak man for that I would have felt I would have felt I probably would have been shamed in that particular case Why I'm sharing all this with you is because Look at there are men that genuinely like you and at the same time to get scared and in a moment I want to share two things that one of you beautiful people wrote in a recent comment That might happen when a man genuinely is he interested in you and gets scared So number one. Oh, by the way, here's my notes bump bump bump So when a man likes you he might try too hard because he's feeling fear and he might And what I wrote here is he just wants to make sure you have or share the same feelings as him I'm the needy one. I'm the one asking. Do you like me as much as I like you? Now for some of you might be oh my god, that's news to my ears and to an avoided person that might make them run away Yes, that might happen. And yet at the same time I'm here to suggest leaning into your feelings folks Let me just tell you something. I think I drew a chart here once before The four pillars of connection There's mind body spirit and emotions most humans operate with the mind and the body Very few humans actually operate from a spiritual or more importantly an emotional connection This is my content I'm not saying it's right or wrong But I'm here to say it is time to develop the emotional intimacy in a relationship We are no longer living in a world where it's about being a man Of the provider protector men can handle the mind and the body the provider protector It is time to evoke the emotions This is why I highly recommend reading the book emotional intimacy by robert masters It's time to develop the emotional side of your relationship with a man It is time to be radically honest and lay your cards on the table because we don't have time to fuck around Is this sinking in is this resonating if it is please hit that like button Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel if this is resonating with you and secondly You know, I was even a little scared that she was entertaining or seeing someone else Right from the beginning. This is when a man likes you He might get scared that you might be interested in someone else This is why it is time to be upfront with people right from the get-go We don't have time to fuck around. I get it. We're meeting total strangers We know so little about people it is time to do more vetting In fact, if you need some help with that right here Schedule a free call with me. My area of expertise is to help you learn how to vet if he's serious I teach you how to ask the right questions based on your personality to determine if this guy is right for you So again schedule the call there or check out the description below with all my different content Okay, so I said the solution I've actually been repeating it throughout this whole video the solution Radical honesty and leaving your cards on the table. So when when she and I first spoke on the telephone I actually have 15 questions. I asked to determine if we're compatible with one another What was interesting? We were just talking about the other day of the 15 questions She checked the box on 14 of them and the one and I don't want to share what it is. She goes. Well, that's a maybe That's radical honesty. Radical honesty is knowing your own weakness. I don't like the word weaknesses your own idiosyncrasies your neurosis your problematic areas It might be by the way, it could be a contentious x that might be a problem in a relationship lean into that You might have issues with children leaned into that it is time to lay our cards on the table Because here's what it does it accelerates the process of two people who are becoming closer or pushing away Now if you're not familiar with my book what the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work Chapter one speak your truth deal with kindness. That's what we did. We spoke our truth to one another We did it in a kind way and chapter nine if it's sincere and from the heart You can't say the wrong thing to the right person. So let's adopt a more radically honest approach to the process of getting to know someone because Homie don't have time to fuck around And i'm here to suggest the same thing for you. You are in charge of your relationship destiny. Don't give it up to the guy You are in charge. This isn't about feminine energy This is about empower your life because you don't have time to wait and the reality is is Happy juicy delicious. Happy successful relationships. I'm going to be blunt is rare If 50 percent of marriages end up in divorce and 65 percent of second marriages end in divorce and 75 percent of third marriages end in divorce It's a cluster fuck out there So you have two main options in my book first become empowered within yourself Because no matter what you don't need someone to love you for you to feel good about yourself and number two Take charge of your relationship destiny. You cannot leave it up to a man Because most men are clueless But guess what they're trainable people are trainable and you guess what if you train them right You get them wrapped around your finger. You're happy for a lifetime So read the books. I recommend set up a call with me to find out how to do this Because you actually have a chance to achieve what you want. So I invite you this I invite this in for yourself God universe spirit I invite a juicy delicious relationship in my life Where we have amazing chemistry and connection with one another where there's that mutual attraction where we want to rip Each other's clothes off that we will wait until we actually have a commitment with one another We have amazing communication with one another We can banter for hours and hours at a time and we laugh and play with one another And we are compatible with one another because our lifestyles are blendable with one another And we share the same values those values that will be the core Of our life and our foundation our relationship and then we develop the roots to trust Which includes social activities hobbies mutual interests spending time with family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills Both in our personal and professional life and intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy with a lot of fucking Because what's the point of having a relationship with your best friend if you can't have sex all the time God universe spirit. I invite that in my life and I invite that in for you as well Is this sinking in is this resonating? Are you willing to do the prayer? Please let me know post a comment below All right I think this will be a good place to start with our q and a If you're familiar with my format Simply write the word question then post the question thereafter or purchase a super sticker super chat There's a little dollar sign in the chat box If you're watching the if you're watching it live or if you're listening to the recording or if you're watching the replay There's a super. Thanks button All the money's from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Conor Asley There's a picture of him. He's my son who passed away four years ago last week And in his honor I started a scholarship fund to defray the cost of personal development and to donate to causes like the hoffman process Insights seminars for those folks who genuinely want to heal from the inside out So write the word question or purchase a super sticker super chat and write your question in there All right, I think it's time for q and a so what do we have on the board tonight? question Ms. Cole says I hear you tell us. Well, I don't hear what I didn't see what you said Oh All right, write the word question Or purchase a super sticker super chat Um marlene says i'm 25 single and I think i'm gonna die that way too. I'm sorry to hear that That's a very pessimistic negative point of view and guess what you will attract what you want Folks if you hate the dating process, you will never meet a man you like I'm here to suggest shifting the narrative Start shifting the narrative. It's raining great man. It's raining great man. It's raining great man Because you can be listen You can be bitter jaded and negative all you want. What's that going to get you a lot of shitty experiences Look at you have a choice You can be e or the sky is falling or you can be ticker ticker Bouncity bouncy bounce bounce bouncy bounce you have a choice You can feed the wolf of negativity or you can feed the wolf of love In fact, I highly recommend for that person marlene. You should read the book Return to Love by mary Ann Williamson This is the cd version If you're not familiar with mary Ann Williamson, she was a big proponent of the course of miracles She was basically a teacher of it and that will shift your perspective and change your life because guess what? It's not listen. You can be negative bitter and jade all you want at age 25. It's really gonna fucking suck Listen, I didn't track love in my life because I was negative I attracted a great partner in my life because I held I didn't hold a space of hope. I didn't hold a space of believing I held a space of knowing it was going to happen when you can embody the knowing You actually attract what you want in your life just took me a little bit longer than I expected But that's okay. God universe spirit wanted me to take some detours and I had a lot of fun along the way All right. Thank you so much. It looks like uh, miss coal finally has a question for real You tell us don't give up our power aside from sex and also i'm not trying to be dense Honestly, what is an example of our power and how can you please help me understand this great question? So I think where women give their power away Predominantly and I believe this is instinctually this happened is From neanderthal period up until about 50 or 60 years ago women were predominantly dependent upon men for survival So I think instinctually you're dependent on men from an instinctual perspective of survival That's one way of giving your power away The most common women also give their power away to men is I need you to love me So I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. Give me your power away means you're dependent upon the man for your Emotional survival. So what he didn't tech just like when she didn't text me back and I went into chaos That's an example of giving my power away I don't know how many women complain to me. Well, he doesn't text me a light Like to let me you know to let me know he thinks about me Well, that's giving your power away if you need someone to fill your love cup That's giving your power away Those are a couple examples that I frequently see and I hope that helps you understand What giving your power away means retaining your power is you don't need anything from someone You can certainly want something from someone but when you come from a place of need It's coming from a place of lack within yourself And miss Cole, I want to thank you for the four dollar and 99 cents super sticker. Thank you so much. I appreciate it All right Angela writes Question he's making plans for us doing something special for me They say to play hard to get anyway, but I think I should just flirt. What do you think jonathan? Okay, if a woman play hard to get from me Bye-bye I homie don't chase people if you that is by the way playing hard to get is a game Okay, and it temporarily attracts emotionally unhealthy men Okay, it temp. By the way emotionally secure even though I'm in anxious by default. I'm in a secure attachment style I don't put up with bullshit if someone is playing hard to get Send a you know send a text message. They wait a day to text me back Plan a date and they say they can't make it games like that to emotionally healthy men does not work now it might work for this style of man because Emotional maturity relationship skills. This is merely uh, this is not a fact. It's merely opinion Roughly 20 of the population has clinical mental health issues and while I say 20 percent are emotionally healthy Most everybody is dysfunctional So yes game playing works on dysfunctional people But guess what you end up in a relationship with a guy who wants companionship connection and sex But he's not capable of commitment. So don't play games Use radical honesty and laying your cards on the table before you play games Um, that's my invitation, but I think I should just flirt You know what? I'm a big proponent Cut to the quick. Are we going to explore by the way literally with my girlfriend? We had two dates before we agreed to explore a relationship. That was it We spent two evenings together and we said let's give it a shot What do you have to lose? And ladies you can do the talking because guys won't if they like you enough. There's a strong bond You're intentional and you're self-aware Of your issues you have a greater chance for success But most of you are clueless to this because everybody thinks they're perfect And they judge other people instead. By the way, I'm kind of righteous. So let me just say I am far from perfect I have a lot of dysfunctionality in my life The the difference I think for myself is I know it and most people don't All right, that's my two cents and I'm sticking to it ah Okay, let's go swim in Ah Lee says question. What do you mean by teamwork building skills? Great question so a couple things um Well, you know, let me share with you the other day. I got a question from one of our beautiful followers here on youtube And I turned to my girlfriend and I and I shared I shared the question I shared my opinion and she offered a perspective. I didn't think about And I thought wow, I'm really grateful that I have this person that can give me a perspective I can't think about that's teamwork building skills. Let me tell you something else to happen Something was going on with her daughter and she had asked me What I consider maybe speaking to her daughter about something That's related to my realm of expertise That's teamwork building skills. It's actually helping with one another. Do you know how you build trust with someone? Trust is built when the other person's interests matter as much to you As it matters to them In fact, I was just having this conversation with my girlfriend last night And there was something that was coming up for her and I said What's hurting you is hurting me too. That's how you build trust with someone It's their interests matter to you as much as they matter to them And you want to be in relationship with two people that are genuine givers and receivers and agreeable and accept you and build trust together The challenge today is we're meeting total strangers and I get it. It's hard This is why I highly recommend reading the book talking to strangers by Malcolm Gladwell What you should know about the people you don't know It's time to build a level of familiarity with a stranger Like what she and I did over a year period of time By the way, I want to share something else with you I pulled out Steve Harvey's book act like a lady think like a man while I wasn't in love with the book He does make one point Now you don't have to follow this point But he says don't give up the cookie too quickly He says wait 90 days before having sex I'm an agreement that there should be more hoops that a person jumps through before you have sex with someone For example, I always say you know my rhetoric before the penis enters inside the vagina Purchase two copies of the book eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman read chapter one together just to determine if you're on the same page So that's part of teamwork building skills. Is he willing to do the work to actually want to build a relationship with you? Because let's face it. We are in a hook-up culture. Listen ladies, you are welcome. Look it I'm all in favor. You can do whatever you want with your bodies Okay, and you can have sex with them or wherever you want But here's the bottom line you want commitment, but you give sex well before this this is commitment But you give sex well before this happens. How about Have sex when there's commitment That's all I'm saying have sex when there's commitment My girlfriend and I did the dating vows with one another by the way, there's a description There's a the dating vows in the description below. I want to read to you over everybody the dating vows This is it right there Get them to commit before sleeping together the dating vows are what you both mutually say this to one another I agree to explore the process of getting to know you with the intent to declare something serious in the next three to six months I agree to be monogamous sexually while we're having regular sex together I agree to not actively seek to meet and date others while we're in the process Where we're in the dating process including taking down our dating profiles I agree to speak up if something isn't working for me versus pulling back ghosting or disappearing And lastly, I agree to invest regular time in the process of getting to know you which looks like Social activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends teamwork building skills both in our personal our professional life Traveled together and intimacy with one another both physical and emotional intimacy try my dating vows before that penis ever gets to go inside that vagina But again, you can do whatever you want All right, envy writes question. I've been speaking to a gentleman for almost two years. He makes hours on Wait, he makes hours on the phone daily. He pulled away due to personal issue. Then he pushed me away What should I do or move on? You know, the reality is is humans listen When we have shit going on in our life and we haven't built a secure trusted relationship with one another It's going to be difficult to navigate the relationship when chaos is going on in someone's life So you have to ask yourself does the foundation did this person's life have a foundation before you met them? Most people have rather dysfunctional The ground underneath them is rather dysfunctional. They have a contentious relationship with the next They have contentious relationship with children. They have a contentious professional life They've got health issues. Those are the four most common. Okay And when that's unstable, it doesn't matter how much someone cares about you That's going to undermine the relationship because it's like an earthquake It's like two shifting forces going up once going against one another and then there's going to be chaos So I'm a big proponent of choosing people who Basically have their shit together and if they don't it's going to be problematic. And again contentious relationship with x maybe going through a contentious divorce contentious issues with children that can be very problem children can be very problematic in midlife relationships Issues with their health or issues in their professional life What can you do? You hold space But you don't hold space for too long if he pulls away from the relationship you ever listen you lean in have a conversation if you can't commit Move on By the way, men usually come back when they realize what they've lost So move on he'll come back and then you have a real conversation and ask him to invest $50,000 in an escrow account So if he pulls this shit again, you basically get to keep the money I made that up, but that's just for fun. I hope that helped envy. Thank you so much Okay Uh Cole says the answer to our question about uh Is uh depending on my man for emotional well-being exactly. Thank you so much All right, you have a question Debra says I think you're priceless you get you could get anyone with your personality I'm 83 and I follow you because your advice has helped me in my eighth month relationship with my new lover Long distance are the best way to go Debra. You're 83 years old and you're rocking it. I love it. I love it I love it. I'm working with the 78 year old client. I work with women in their 60s I work with women in their 50s. I work with women in their 30s I am so grateful to be able to share what I have learned and experienced and by the way, this is the world according to Jonathan I I came up with all this shit based on what I read And what I've experienced myself. I'm not saying I'm right I'm just a bit of a contrarian My advice goes contrary to public opinion and traditional expectations because I think most of that traditional shit is garbage Oh, I want to if I could throw up right now I'd actually throw up on the screen because that's what I think about a lot of the rhetoric out there It's just a lot of noise. It's a lot of All right, that's me being pompous right now uh I am being you need to put a course together about men and women relationship Intimacy tensions to be taught in school. I am more than happy to be invited to do that. Thank you so much Deborah says you make me laugh Marlene says we you should we should be teaching young women out there to have a man to commit to them before giving out their cookie Yes, I agree But sadly it's listen, you know I'm gonna tell you something after my divorce. I realized it was easy to get sex It was all you had to do is do what I call relationship talk. I want a relationship Now what I thought a relationship was and what they thought a relationship was was two different things in my mind I get to see you at my beck and call. That's a relationship in their mind It's I get to see you three or four times a week doing social activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends Traveling together teamwork building skills both on our personal and professional life intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy My word for relationship is I get to see at my beck and call hers with something a little bit more defined Folks if you don't ask a man What does commitment look like for you? And actually get him to describe it. Don't you ever ever ever? Allow that penis inside your vagina unless you're just looking to get laid and you can do whatever you want there Folks, it's time to make men jump through more fucking hoops. It's too easy So many women because they've heard the relationship talk believe what's coming out of the guy's mouth And listen after my divorce. I wanted companionship. I wanted connection. I wanted sex, but I didn't want commitment I was scared to death I genuinely like people, but I was scared It's time to vet by the way schedule a free discovery call with me. Okay. It's time to learn out of vet That's my area of expertise to teach you that Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know. Give me a thumbs up hit that subscribe button Share this video. I'd be truly grateful All right Let's keep going Oh So kimberley says questions Uh, so is your person planning on moving to california? Yes, she is that is um Official she is planning on moving in the next few months. Listen. I told you I'm not a big proponent of long-distance I told you guys that up front and she had told by the way, let me be candid with you all Relatively transparent because there's things personal to us I'm not a big proponent of long-distance relationships. It's very problematic and especially when you're a guy like me I'm a horny son of a bitch. I love to have sex six times a day and um I'm being tongue-in-cheek here. Although she would probably tell you that's true Um, but more importantly, I want connection. I want to go to parties. I want to do journeys together I want to travel together and it's hard to do that with long distance. I wasn't looking for a bubble relationship I was looking for a relationship where we spent regular time together And she was planning on moving to los angeles. Anyway, that's the only reason why I considered this So yes, she is planning on moving in the next few months But that was her intention anyway And quite frankly we have built a very strong bond together because we practice radical honesty We lay our cards on the table. We're vulnerable authentic and transparent this morning I told her I went berserk because she didn't text me back Now it was only because she was driving in her car and I recognize my insanity I got triggered but we talk about it and it's actually like venting, you know A volcano erupts because all the pressure is kept inside But when you vent things out it actually helps relieve the tension So we've eaten by the way, she was sharing a trigger with me. What was it? Oh So I've kind of um, she grew up catholic I'll share this with you all she grew up catholic and religion is important to her And I'm kind of anti-religion and I'm not anti-religion. I'm just more spiritual not religious And so she said I triggered her the other day. Well, you know what she did Within a few minutes she talked to me about it. That's what happens when you get triggered You talk right away to vent the energy out and what happened was in the conversation We found out I mean, I think we are more alike than not it's just I'm just not big on some of the pomp and circumstance of religion Although I'm very much I I'm I actually find so much value in some of the the basic principles The basic teachings of judy of the judyism catholicism christianity. I love buddhism I love cabala in particular, which is mystic judyism. I love cabala Um and most importantly We talked when triggers come up. We don't stuff it in because when you stuff it in it's under the rug That's when they explode and resentments happen later. So coming back full circle We've laid enough cards on the table to know this actually has some real legs This has some real potential and it's worth exploring it in the same town So coming back to your original question kimberley. Yes, she is planning on moving here So thank you so much for asking. All right Sylvia says tmi. Yes, I I too much information That's right So what? You're gonna use it against me I you know, I'm happy and confident within myself that I can share things because my listen Our parents were our original role models. What did we notice as children? Most of the time we watch we witness the negativity of our parents I'm trying to be a role model showing the good the bad and the ugly because the reality is It's interesting. I have dear friends that are part of what's known as the eden group Um, I don't I google the eden group. I think it's out of san diego But it's a group couples. Uh, it's a couples workshop And it's when four I think they three couples get together Once a week via zoom call and they share their problems publicly with each other at least within the group When you could hear it from other people it normalizes us it normalizes us I once did a workshop with 50 men and when I heard that 30 of those men had been molested as children I thought fuck my childhood was like pristine and I had my own fucked up shit as a child So and and by the way, maybe 30 was an exaggeration. It just felt like a good percentage of those 50 men So it helps you recognize when you hear other people's stuff. It helps normalize our own stuff So yes, I am tmi I'm just trying to normalize things. So sorry, soviet. Thank you so much Uh Jay Cole says I love that by the way cupid strikes when you least expect it He got you in a long distance relationship. It's adorable. Thank you so much Uh All right Citizen jones is happy for you jonathan. Thank you so much Monica says virtual hug. Thank you so much Um Angela says my email on here doesn't exist anymore next time. I will use my active email account. Okay Uh Kimberly says you always pray. Thank you so much. I believe me. I pray um I do the hawaiian forgiveness prayer. I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you Like a vaccination to chaos It's an injection of love in my heart and that's one of the predominant prayers I share for myself It's known as like a pono pono pono pono or forgiveness hawaiian forgiveness prayer. So thank you Uh, cecilia says is it true that shy guys won't call for weeks after no contact? Possibly so call them Uh, let's see. Do we have any questions? Let's see We gin says Question out of curiosity. Do you think your current abortion policy will wait? Do you think our current abortion policy will impact our dating culture or world? well I think for younger people You know, it's hard to say that's a tough one. I mean I I have to I haven't studied enough Of it from the perspective of will this deter casual sex? I don't think so But I think it affects younger people much more than those of us in midlife So, you know, I I'm grateful that most of the women I dated I didn't have to worry about Uh pregnancy so it's I don't feel like I have enough expertise to answer that question But I do appreciate the question we gin. Thank you so much all right Sweetie morris says I was looking to get laid and he fell in love with me And we're still in a very loving relationship this time the opposite work for me when I wasn't looking ha ha any advice to keep it going So let me just say something folks um Let me just say this All relationship advice one size doesn't fit all what happened in my relationship for a long distance isn't going to happen for someone else as an example, okay and And what you have to do is sift through the advice And find those pieces those nuggets that really resonate with you because what I share isn't in the absolute for every situation So find the nuggets for yourself. What resonates with you and then operate from that perspective Does that help? I hope so sweetie. Thank you so much Angela says I wish I could remember my password. I'd like to pay you you deserve it Thank you so much. By the way, you can go after this video or any other of the videos to a super. Thanks And donate to the connor asley scholarship fund. Thank you so much Okay, kimberley says this is resonating all right Jake Cole says the world according to joth and pretty funny to learn from thank you so much uh Oh, here's one that's funny. Didi said I had the biggest crush on my oncologist big mistake Uh, I think so All right, do we have any questions? Oh, here we go. We got a lot more in. Okay Um Jake Cole says you're right the more communication the better all the way around. Thank you angela says You communicate the landmines from previous relationship in a light way Exactly we talked we unpacked Our her marriage my marriage my significant relationship and her previous significant relationship We unpacked all of that shit together now. I happen to be a professional unpacker So what I do for a living But you know what it did is it bonded us together? I'm a big proponent of unpacking your past as a way to connect with one another Not everybody can do this first. You have to have a level of trust with a person to be able to unpack we listen You have to be securing yourself To trust another person if you don't feel secure in yourself It's going to be difficult to trust another person But I felt enough safety within myself that I could unpack my past She was vulnerable authentic and transparent. She unpacked her past which helps sift through the shift and we could find The pony in the shit so to speak So, uh, anyways, yes, I'm a big proponent of doing that with the right person. So thank you so much question How can you help a partner who's grieving for a parent and is pulling away but loves you? You know when I lost my mom that was a toughy, you know, it's hard to You know each person grieves in a unique way look at I lost my mother and my son in a six month period of time And literally my father moved away You know within six months of that so I had a lot of grieving going on Each person grieves differently. All you can do is hold space for them Um, ultimately you have to ask yourself is your relationship fully committed to one another Because if you're married with one well, think of it this way if you were married together What would you do for a partner you're married with? If you don't listen if you're having regular sex with someone you should feel a level of commitment with them Because if you're not feeling a level of commitment It's going to be problematic So how do you support them? You'll hold space for them Holding space merely God, I want to share something personal, but it would be tmi. So I won't go there um There was a moment when my girlfriend was having an experience and she just needed me to hold space holding space sometimes Is doing nothing but just being there for them That's holding space and that might be what you need to do right now Cass, thank you so much for that question all right Melissa says question I asked the group earlier. I've been committed. I've been in a committed relationship for seven months and I love him Should I tell him or let him say it for if as his penis going side your vagina on a regular basis If you're not saying I love you Listen, this one blows me away. I get hatchetated. I'm sorry. Okay Isn't it fascinating? We'll fuck each other, but we won't say I love you to each other Okay, my girlfriend I Said I love you to each other in a very short period of time because we felt a real deep sense of trust A real sense of acceptance a real sense of care for one another. What is love? But trust care interest That's what you that's by the way and that should be all wrapped up in your sexual relationship as well Now if you are have if you're not having sex then but here's the bottom line Just say it just say it Just say it see how he responds if it's sincere and from the heart you can't say the wrong thing to the right person melissa So give it a shot um Deborah says you have a lot to offer a woman in income and beauty surroundings. You're a giver. Good luck I'm assuming that was for me. So thank you so much Uh angela said or andreus has questioned congratulations. Can you share if your lady friend your age or five years or 10 years younger? So since you guys ask, I will share something publicly with you Uh Bear with me one second Where is it? I'm trying to show okay. Hold on a second Okay Darn it. I'm having a problem technical difficulties Okay, there's a picture of her We are within one year apart of each other and I will not tell you who's older. We are one year apart from each other Yes, she looks 20 years younger than her age, but we're one a year apart from each other So that's uh to answer your question. Thank you so much Uh vr says Just found out a man. I've been in relationship with has cancer diagnosis. I'm not sure what to do. Oh sweet art What would you do if it was your husband? What would you I I may ask you if this was your husband? What would you do? I invite you to check that out. So thank you What would you do? Can a guy who's a taker turn into a giver? Very rarely Very rarely Uh vr says she's stunning. Thank you so much um No, I did not say kimberley. She is not 62 years old. That's incorrect. I did not say that Um, and I'm not 61. I'm not the big 6o yet Okay All right, jake Cole says no idea what I'm doing just saying thanks. So thank you so much um Question how does one who is divorced and healed from an abusive marriage consider being open to love again? When the x is still exhibiting abusive behavior may do so to the x's new love interest That's tough. You know when you got problematic past relationships, it can affect all new relationships. So um So God, that's a tough one. I I really don't have a good answer for that You know Move away. I was thinking of the movie sleeping with the enemy. I mean just move away I I mean I I know that's not possible, but that's a tough one. I don't know how to really give you good advice That's not my area of expertise, but thank you so much for asking and I appreciate it um citizen jones says question I'm in my 20s never had a boyfriend. What's the number one question I should ask on a first date What are you looking for and what does commitment look like for you? What are you looking for in a relationship and what does commitment look like for you? That'd be a great question to ask all right Folks is this sinking is my is my content resonating with you. Is this helping you? Is it making a difference in your life? Please post a comment. Please write. Please let me know that it is Uh roller goa says she's pretty pretty. Thank you so much base says she's cute. Yes, she is Thank you so much folks. I think this will be a great place to wrap up today my hope is Listen the bottom line is this It's a shit show out there. It is very challenging human beings are rather dysfunctional And it's hard. I get it my invitation for you not everyone watching this video is going to Find a juicy delicious relationship. What you can do is have a juicy delicious relationship with yourself first Put out an energetic vibration to the universe to attract in a great partner god universe spirit I call in a juicy delicious relationship in my life Where we have amazing chemistry with one another where we have Incredible communication with one another where we can blend lives with one or another where we share the same values And we have the emotional maturity to build the level the layers of trust through social activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends teamwork building skills traveling together And emotional and physical intimacy with one another and we have regular sex with one another on a regular basis God universe spirit. I call that into my life I invite you to make that prayer for yourself on a regular basis and allow Positivity to be your invitation for love to come in your life. That's my invitation for you Please post a comment below if this resonated. Please hit that like button. Please share this video Please subscribe to your channel if you haven't done so And i'm going to wrap up this video as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic jonathan barrack of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone that teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank jake, uh, coal michelle Teresa her uh, hempress. I'm vejab might envy faith, uh, melissa christie uh angela roller girl kimberley, uh Uh, let's see dana citizen jone cast cana vr. Sweetie morris. Thank you so much Sweetie says Thanks, it did you are awesome. Thank you so much everyone be well Take care now have a wonderful day and don't forget to schedule a discovery call with me All right. Love y'all. Bye now