 Hi everybody and welcome back to our podcast from the Kamasutra to 2020, where we look at your questions, your concerns, even your worries around all things to do with sex and sexuality. So unfortunately, we don't have Dr. Anvita Madan Bihal again with us today due to medical reasons, but I have a very special guest with us on our podcast today. We have with us Habib Akande. Habib is a writer. He's a sex educator. He's published six books. The books are generally based on race, on sex and African erotology. And African erotology, because although Habib has been born and brought up in the UK, his family traces back to Nigeria. But the one that I want to talk about today, the book that I want to speak about today is the book that actually introduced me to Habib. It is a book called Kunyaza, The Secret of Female Pleasure. And in this book, Habib explores the concept of squirting. Habib, as I just said, you are the person who actually introduced me to a lot of the information on squirting, which I didn't know about till then. And I have a lot of questions for you on that today, because as you know, this is a platform where we respond to a lot of the queries, a lot of the concerns that people have around sexuality. But before we go there, I want you to explain to our audiences about Kunyaza, because when you told me what Kunyaza was, it just blew me away because I didn't even know that the African nations had this ancient tradition of female pleasure. So can you tell us a little bit more about Kunyaza, please? Sure, sure. So Kunyaza is an ancient African practice, which originated in Rwanda in East Central Africa. And it's Rwanda, did you say? In Rwanda, that's correct, in East Central Africa. And it's also practice in neighboring countries such as Kenya, Burundi, Uganda, and even as far as Nigeria and Ghana, where I'm originally from. And in those neighboring countries, it's known as Kachabali, instead of Kunyaza, but it's both the same thing. And the practice itself involves, it's a heterosexual practice where the man uses his manhood to tap, stroke, and rub the woman's flower in certain rhythmic patterns for a period of time in order to trigger female ejaculation, also known as squirting, or what people in Rwanda call as the sacred water. Now the practice itself is not just once the man does the tapping, then the woman's going to gush fluid. She obviously, he needs to make sure that the woman is mentally and psychologically prepared to engage in Kunyaza. And the woman herself needs to give her self permission to experience the joys of Kunyaza. And what I was fascinated when I first came across this tradition a few years ago was that like similar to what you said, Sima, that I wasn't aware, although I'm originally from West Africa, that there was this ancient African tradition, which celebrates female pleasure that that venerates women's right to sexual fulfilment, and also which places the emphasis on the man to ensure that he finds the water, that he enables or he allows his female partner in order to squirt or ejaculate. So for me, I was really fascinated by it because again, this was a pleasure of positive and female orientated practice where a lot of the focus was placed on making sure that the woman experiences the joys of Kunyaza. Whilst we hear a lot about squirting nowadays, it wasn't seen as something that was taboo. And it wasn't even seen as something that was vulgar or anything like that. It was a celebrated practice that elderly women in the African communities known as Sengers, they would teach young girls and young women prior to marriage about the rights of Kunyaza. And also there'll be uncles known as kodjas who would teach the young men and elders and boys about how they should pleasure their wives in marriage. And also they should be empathised with them and also not rush them. And I think one of the things, again, which fascinates me about Kunyaza was not just the practice itself, because it's primarily a non-penetrative practice. And the emphasis is on the man, like I said, to use his manhood to stimulate the woman's genitalia and focus in on the clitoris, which Rwanda is called the beam or the magic beam. And we know with modern science that there's many studies that speak about the importance of clitoral stimulation in order for a woman to experience an orgasm. So for me, it was mind blowing that there was this ancient practice in Africa that's been practiced for hundreds of years, which focuses on non-penetrative pleasure, and it focuses on women's pleasure, which is obviously the most important thing in order for a woman to experience an orgasm or squirting. You know, Habib, what comes to mind immediately? Two things. One is that when you think of Rwanda in recent years, the Rwandan history has been such that you never ever connected to the idea of female pleasure. You know, it's just how it is. And secondly, what I think is so sad that we are so aware of all the cultures that have talked about repression. And we can name who says it's a guilt, who said it was sinful, who said it was bad, we can say which culture and in what century decided this. But we don't know anything about the cultures that talked about pleasure. How sad is that? Where did we lose this idea of female pleasure, you know, as we kind of evolved? Yeah, that's something that still mystifies me because I agree with you wholeheartedly that, especially in the African continent, if I were to ask people what do they think about when they hear about African sexuality? First thing that will come to many people's mind or female sexuality is female genital mutilation, women being oppressed and things like that. But you've got this practice, and don't get wrong, unfortunately, these practices do happen in some parts of Africa, but we don't hear about the female pleasure positive or the pleasure orientated practices, where women are celebrated and women's sexuality is liberated. So Rwanda is an example where for a number of reasons, some people say because of the influence of colonization by the Europeans, because Rwanda, although it's been, it was it's been practiced for hundreds of years, following the colonization of Rwanda by Europeans, the practice was suppressed, and it was only practiced in villages. So a lot of people as they became educated, they kind of saw this as this is like a practice, which is not something that a refined man or woman would engage in because the Europeans at that time, the Christian Europeans considered it to be barbaric. So it's something that even amongst modern Rwandans today, it's not something that is popularly known. It's like you need to go to some of the rural villages or speak to people that know about their tradition to kind of understand about this beautiful practice. And it was something that I again, even when I was researching and studying it, it was quite difficult to find the singers or the female sex educators who teach it because it is known to be secret practice. And as I mentioned earlier, it's known as African secret to female pleasure. And one of the things that a number of Rwandan sex educators or singers told me was that they were worried that they didn't they were worried that they didn't want me to abuse the practice as in it's not just about squirting. That's not the goal. The goal is a woman's pleasure. If she is able to enjoy that experience pleasure by way of squirting or orgasm, then that's great. Or even if she can experience pleasure without experiencing squirting or orgasm by Kunyaza, that's fine. But it's important to understand the sacred of sex and sensuality in their culture. So that's why I wanted in writing a book, not only to talk about the technique itself and the history of squirting, but also the importance of the man understanding the importance of making sure the woman feels at ease and relaxed to enjoy the pleasures of Kunyaza. So it's not just about, you know, it's like a checklist. If you do A and B, see what happened. It doesn't work like that. You need to obviously make sure that you're seeing a loving relationship and obviously the woman's in their love and state of mind to really experience the joys of Kunyaza. So that's interesting. Sorry, sorry to interrupt you go and finish. No, sorry. I just wanted to say the ethics of sex. That was also what I wanted to kind of emphasize in the book and the tradition. Yeah, I think the ethics of sex is such a good and such a useful term because that's really important. So you, you said that the goal in Kunyaza is not squirting. So we shouldn't sort of say this equals this, that Kunyaza equals squirting. It's not that. No, it's not that. So Kunyaza itself refers to the practice of the man using his manhood to stimulate the clitoris and labor minor and labor major in a taping function. Whereas Kunyaza is what is that is that's the word used for the ejaculate fluid or the squirting. So if you do Kunyaza, you're likely the woman is likely to experience Kunyaza, but Kunyaza itself with the practice is about women's pleasure. Now, again, like I said, like in Rwanda, for example, there's some studies that say up to 80% of women are able to experience squirting by Kunyaza. And there are a number of reasons why, why maybe is it that women in parts of Rwanda are able to squirt more than women in other parts of the world, like in there was a Western study that said that 54% of women in the West are able to squirt. Now, one of the reasons why, unfortunately, maybe a number of women, particularly in the West, aren't able to experience Kunyaza. I mean, squirting is because a number of women hold themselves back. I think because they've been told that maybe this is urination or because of that, they might fear that they're going to be slut-shamed. And because sometimes there's a lot of a version towards female fluid, there's a number of women, even when they're in the virgin, they don't allow themselves to fully let go and experience squirting because they hold themselves back because of, again, maybe what they've been told or what they've been conditioned to believe about squirting. So, but in, like I said in Rwanda, it's quite popular, it's common for women to squirt, whereas nowadays the practice is actually dying out because a number of people have been influenced by Western understanding about sex and sexuality, which, funny enough, a lot of people in the West are now trying to go back to not necessarily Kunyaza tradition, but the squirting tradition, which is quite interesting. So, it's interesting that you say about, you know, how it's, it's all to do with the mind, isn't it? Because the Kamsutri says that, it actually says that it is very much about opening up those little channels in your mind which say that you are worthy of pleasure, you are entitled to pleasure, and you will open up your body for pleasure. And that's when things begin to happen. 100% and I love that and I love what you said about you are worthy and you are entitled to pleasure. And I think especially in the case of many women, I don't think many women feel that they're entitled to pleasure and that's something which drew me to the Kunyaza culture and tradition was that it was a practice that was telling women that they are entitled to pleasure, because I think with a lot of men, generally, we have this bravado and ego that we believe that we're entitled to pleasure from it's like a birthright, whereas unfortunately a number of women are led to believe that sex and pleasure is for the man and they're there to serve him whereas in the Kunyaza tradition is that no, the man is there to serve his wife or his female partner so much so that if he's unable to find the water and I make a squirt, he is considered to be lesser of a man. So the pressure is actually placed on the man as opposed to pressure placed on the woman that on the woman that she needs to squirt. So for me it was again because it's the opposite of what I've been brought up and heard about in the West, it was quite refreshing to hear that yes women are not only entitled to pleasure but the only thing is on the man to make sure that his female partner feels open and vulnerable and trusting enough with him that she can experience the joys of Kunyaza rather than it's an act that he makes her squirt. It's not a case of him making her squirt, it's a case of a woman experiencing Kunyada squirting in his presence. I think that again is an excellent point, it brings me very, very neatly to my next point because a lot of people have been writing in asking questions about squirting and wanting to know I guess the techniques etc but they all write in and say how do I make her squirt and you've just said that that's not the mindset that we go in with because we're not looking for I think the term that you used was sexual applause. Yes, yes so I think for a number of men in particular why I think a number of men especially in the West outside of maybe Rwanda are fascinated by Kunyaza or squirting is that it's this idea that I can make her squirt and it's a form of sexual applause as in it's a tap on the back, it's something that I've done and I think with a lot of men I think because we know that you know a lot of women fake orgasms and there's no way of knowing exactly if a woman has actually climaxed a lot for a number of men they look at squirting as this is something that this is like an achievement it's a sexual achievement it's a sexual applause it's something that validates my manhood and that's like a trophy it's a trophy and it shouldn't be like that and unfortunately even it's there's a lot of pressure placed on women unfortunately where some women feel that if they don't squirt they haven't experienced the height of sexual fulfillment or sexual pleasure and that's not the case I'm not saying that squirting is the highest form of pleasure that a woman's experience that's not the case it's just one form of pleasure amongst many that a woman's able to experience so it's not although I'm promoting Kunyaza and squirting I want to be mystifying take away the stigma from squirting but it's important to not put undue pressure on people they feel that in every in each and every sexual encounter they need to experience squirting and even an orgasm yes absolutely because I think that people have enough dysfunctionality in their sex lives and already orgasms are really really hard to come by and I think that we don't want to put extra pressure on them but I think that this is a fabulous subject to explore because it's coming to the to the global mindset in recent times through pornography so people can see it and it's generally put forward as this amazing orgasmic experience when you watch it on porn but unfortunately there's nothing about the techniques so how it's supposed to happen or what it's supposed to make you feel etc and I think that's what I'd like to explore with you today if that's okay with you that's great so there's been a few little average kind of questions which before we come to the technique we'd like to sort of bring forward so a few people have written in to ask that is it harmful in any way if a woman squirts no it's not harmful in any way it's not harmful for the woman and it's not harmful for the man excellent um what about the smell now a lot of people are wondering whether is it does it smell is there something that's sort of dirty about the fluid a lot of others have written in and said that um their partner they do manage to get their partner to squirt but they like to drink the squirt so is that bad for them so in regards to the fluid I'll probably should explain the different types of squirting or or ejaculate fluid that women generally experience there's one which is um what is known as true ejaculate which is um it's not normally that is quite thick and in terms of the color it's like musty and and it's not transparent and then you've got squirting which is considered to be um large expulsion or female ejaculate and that's more fluid watery like and transparent in terms of the smell and obviously then obviously urine urine is certainly different because obviously that's generally a yellow tinge and it's gone oh the whereas both female ejaculate and squirting or the large expulsion of fluid is both considered to be odorless so there should there should have been generally no odor um or no smell with with the two um whether the female ejaculate or the squirting fluid now in terms of the taste I'm not come across anything in my studies which suggests that um it's harmful um that's again I'm speaking about female ejaculate and um the squirting fluid now urine itself I'm not so that's advisable for someone to and to drink but in terms of female ejaculate itself and squirting fluid from my understanding it's not harmful but I'm not a medical doctor but from my understanding it's not harmful for someone to drink and um yeah so that's what I understand that's fine um one last question which was um somebody who's actually written in a young lady actually and said is this going to stain her sheets permanently no it won't stain your sheets it might bless your sheets I will say that's a nice one I like that it'll bless your sheets it will bless your seats I think we need to get away from and I'll I'll pose a question while answering the lady's question is that does she think that when the man ejaculates it stains the sheets generally probably not you can wash it away that attitude when we're speaking about women's fluid so that's why I think we need to shift this mindset that anything that comes from the woman is seen to be impure and dirty unless it's a baby whereas anything that comes from the man is kind of seen as fine whether it's by way of oral sex whether it's by way of fluid on the bedsheets or things like that so it doesn't it won't stain the bedsheets it might bless the bedsheets and even in parts of Rwanda and Kenya where kinyasas commonly practice there are known to be like secret mattresses or that that people make for because there's some women who are well blessed enough to expel large quantities of fluids there's some that only expels small amounts and the women obviously that are blessed enough to expel large quantities they have these special mattresses just so that the mattress itself won't be too blessed by her fluid so that's it so it's got like a covering on it so that it's okay yeah yeah exactly great so i guess that's one good thing it's a good thing to sort of suggest that if you're worried then put something on your mattress to actually protect it exactly so i remember the first time that we met and you told me about kinyasa and you told me about squirting you told me two things you told me a little story that comes behind it so there's a little myth that that's attached to this particular act and then you talked a little bit about the technique so do you want to tell us the story first sure so i will tell the story but i love the way you tell the story because it's magnificent obviously professor's storyteller but so in a nutshell according to rwandan folklore there was an ancient queen going back hundreds of years ago who was yearning and waiting for her husband who was away on a military expedition her husband obviously being the king and while she was waiting for her husband she was in need for attention so she called one of her gods she summoned one of her gods to make love to her now the goddess he came obviously he was worried because he knew what she wanted and also he was fearful of the repercussions of the king was to find out and then she said that if you don't make love to me i'm going to get you have you executed and then the as a god made his way towards the queen he started to he held his manhood in his hand and he started to tremble because he was worried and as he came near her again this is what the story says as he came near her he started to tremble his manhood against her genitalia a female flower and that enlisted a gush of fluid to emanate from her lines and from there Lake Kivu is a great lake in east central Africa was was was allegedly built from this from the gush of a fluid and that was known as the beginning of the kinyasa tradition that when the king came back obviously the god had left by that sign and the queen told her husband this is now how i want you to satisfy me make love to me before you enter me so that's where the whole kinyasa tradition is it said to have been um has started from and since then it's been passed down from generation to generation from women teaching other women about not only the story behind um this sacred practice but how they should teach that their male partners to satisfy them in the bedroom i think um i absolutely love this story we have a similar kind of practice in um in some of our ancient traditions from india where the idea of tapping against the yoni the vagina uh and and you know sort of basically maybe even gently stimulating the clitoris with a little bit of tapping brings the woman to a great deal of pleasure so i think that it's really interesting that this is based on the same kind of act that you know it's it's that he the the god is trembling so much and he's holding his his phallus in his hand and he's so frightened and he's trembling and it's knocking against her rather than being able to penetrate her and that knocking arouses her so much so okay i love that story i just think it's great fun now um there's obviously more to bringing a woman to squirt than merely tapping against her now are there a few techniques that you might have come across in your research and your um your sort of finding out about this yeah sure so in terms of there are many ways to bring a woman to climates or for women to experience climates with a male partner now with the konyasa even technique itself um it's it's adapted and evolved over time so now it's not just the tapping technique it's a that's known as a simple konyasa technique or practice there's the advance or more complicated practice which is consists of both the tapping of the external genitalia and then the advanced practice of konyasa involves not only the tapping but also involves the deep thrusting so it's a combination of penetrative intercourse as well as the external tapping now with the penetrative intercourse that can be done by way of the malpainas or it can be done by way of the fingers so obviously the man can use his fingers to stimulate the um the inner vulva area and obviously the infamous g-spot so these are and again it's for the couple to see what works with them and that's why even in in my book i laid out the different examples so obviously now some women who can experience an orgasm or squirting just by way of the tapping technique some require g-spot stimulation some require a combination of g-spot stimulation and oral stimulation and penetrative intercourse so again it's that there's a range of practices that obviously a woman can experience with her partner but it's for the couple for the partner to couple to find out which what works best for them but basically it is uh more dependent on tapping from the outside or just tapping just between the lips just inside of the lips it's more it's more dependent on tapping the clitoris what's known as well the clitoral gland shall i say because as we know that the clitoris itself extends far deeper into the woman's genitalia so that most of the clitoris actually sits inside the woman instead of out of clitoris what what we kind of know is the clitoris so the tapping of the clitoral glands that's initially done on the knocking technique and then what the man would do is then he would rub the labia minora and labia majora and he would press against that with the penis glands now the reason for doing that is because he's also when he's tapping against the labia minora he's also stimulating the inner clitoris the clitoral legs which many people are not really aware of so in in in essence cunyaza is stimulation of why i call the k-spot because when we think think about the k-spot the k-spot i'm referring to is a whole clitoris so it's not just the clitoral gland it's also the clitoral legs and the bulge which sits inside it so inside the vulva sorry so when the man again he is practicing cunyaza he's finding which what what part of the clitoris stimulates the woman more than the other because there are some women who experience extreme delight by tapping the clitoral by receiving stimulation of the clitoral gland some women it's the what do they call it it's the two o'clock spots so if you can imagine a clock two o'clock so the top right hand right side quadrant is seen as the most sensitive area for some women it's the left leg so every woman is different the same way there are some women who are able to experience an orgasm by simulating the what they call as the venous mounds which is the two indented indented uh indented spaces at the lower back so every woman is different so different women have definitely different erogenous zones but in terms of the cunyaza technique whilst he's performing it although he might concentrate on the clitoral glands initially then he should move to stimulate the labia myonora and the majora and even if the woman experiences most pleasure and joy from simulating the clitoral glands by him then starting to stimulate other parts of her um her genitalia will increase anticipation so the whole idea is not just to concentrate on like you have to play with and tease so even when the singer speak about how a man should um be with his wife the whole idea is to tease to tease her so once you find out what really turns it on then you play with that area a little bit then you leave it and then that will build up that will increase around and then you go back to and heighten um the excitement so i think two points of the year that you made um which i just want to clarify i like the idea that if you find something that really excites her you go to it you tease it then you leave it and come away and then go back to it because if you keep going on and on then it just becomes stable so so you leave it you come back to it and the other thing you said the two o'clock spot makes it her left leg no so the yeah the two o'clock spot is the left side of her head of the clitoral gland so you uh i had a so you've got the i was trying um i had to actually have a model of a clitoris but i don't know where it's with me but if you can imagine these are the legs then if you can see this and at the top i remember use my fingers these are the legs and at the top here is a clitoral gland the left side here for some women is seen as the most sensitive area okay so the left to the left of the clitoris of the clitoris you have the clitoral gland so the round up and then there's some women it's it's it's the left leg and that's obviously pressing against the maybe um minora and then for some women it's the g-spot now that's your g-spot in and of itself which we know is actually part of the clitoris but it's part of the inner clitoris so when people and a number of women who experience heightened the pleasure by um when the g-spot is stimulated that's really stimulating the inner clitoris just be just behind the clitoral gland which is known as a clitoral head okay I think that's it's a lot but I think the whole idea and even with the kinyasa practice because it's non-penetrative well at least a simple practice the idea is for the man with obviously he's lady to explore her body where she's at ease but he's taking the time to fully understand what turns on with penetrative intercourse the the issues that a lot of men are in control and are able to know what actually she enjoyed and it's very difficult for the penis itself when it's in the vagina to know what are the most enjoyable areas so to speak and a lot of men will just concentrate on how fast and how hard they are whereas with kinyasa he can obviously when he's doing the tapping or knocking technique he can do it in the slow rhythmic fashion he can do it hard he can do it fast so there's different ways he can play with her and he's also going to experience some pleasure as well because when he's using the clitoral glands we know that's a much sensitive area of the penis so and the reason why I think some men prefer kinyasa over oral stimulation is that with oral sex unless you're someone who in receives in drays making your partner feel pleasure some men feel bored when they're giving their wife and they perform in the cunnilingus because they're not really experiencing much stray themselves with their tongue whereas with kinyasa you're feeling the titillation sensations and it's also helping you to delay ejaculation and make sure you're in control of not only yourself but obviously making sure that she's you're in control of her pleasure so it's quite it's like it's like an it's an adult game it's and it's a win win because like you said that if you're actually doing it with your fingers you're able to see how much pleasure she's getting you're able to give her more pleasure and you're able to control your own ejaculation for longer yeah brilliant and did I hear at one point you saying or somebody else saying that there are also certain breathing techniques that women can use to bring themselves to pleasure yes so that's something that I've heard from a number of modern thinkers that they've made use of some modern breathing techniques that they've learned from different parts of the world and they've brought that into the kinyasa tradition so before the mani engages in kinyasa they encourage the couples to sit in front of each other and I think they was known as eye gazing or soul gazing and just to attentively pay attention to without performing any physical touch just paying attention to and they're both their responses and they're just engaging in some deep breathing exercises so both at ease both the man and the woman the man so he doesn't he's not eager he's especially even if he's really aroused he can lower his arousal and then also for the woman so she can be in a more loving and relaxed state of mind so I think it's beneficial both on the man's part on the on the woman's part for the man who is generally maybe at very hot to cool him down and maybe where the woman where she's not she's quite cool to kind of warm her up so that's the whole idea of their breathing exercise and hopefully to make him become in sync with one another before they engage in kinyasa any form of sexual encounter yeah because like the kamasutra says that men and women are sexuality is so different that if it is not helped with all these different types of exercises it can never be synced it'll never come to the same point so these things are extremely important for us 100% I think sexual compatibility that's one thing I did love about not only about the kamasutra but I love the way you and I have got your signed coffee I've read it about four times of your book is that the importance of understanding sexual compatibility and it's not and sex shouldn't be like a race that I'm supposed to achieve this it's all about understanding and coming together and and enjoying each other in harmony and that's something which I think a lot of the ancients realized and understood more than maybe maybe because I had more time on the on their hands or they had more time to understand each other and that's why when we're speaking about practice like and other ancient techniques because I think in the west we're very goal-oriented or modern people suddenly in the west we're very goal-oriented if you want to know if I do this is going to get me this give me this result it's not about that it's about giving you a guide of different techniques and exercises for you to understand and incorporate into your love life with your partner so that's why it's very difficult when someone asks me okay if I do this is this going to happen it's like it doesn't work like that but you can give some of the tools and they can understand okay this works best for me so it's about empowering people with appropriate sexual knowledge I'm going to use your word Habib if there were three tools that you were going to give to a young man to get him started on this journey of squirting on the journey of pleasuring his partner what would those three things be what was the advice that you would give them my first piece of advice is to adopt a pledge orientated mindset where he understands that she comes first so it's always important that he's prioritizing her pledge over his the second is go easy and be patient so as long as he understands that so he's not responding to his desires he's responding to hers so he's making sure again so similar to the first but it's making sure he's always taking time because I think that's a lot of mainly kind of rush that's to be the second piece of advice the third I would shamelessly plug my book and I'll say by my book can you answer the secrets female pleasure absolutely why not so that's a free that's a free but on the series of the first the first is arguably the most important I think so adopt a pledge orientated mindset where he he's putting his female partner's pleasure above his I think that's the most important thing and I said female pleasure above his rather than female orgasm because again if he's thinking about female orgasm then he'll be in a rush and he'll keep asking her have you come yet have you come actually and it's not about that whereas if he wants to make sure she is satisfied and she enjoys herself in the bedroom whatever however that manifests yourself that's the most important thing so rather than thinking about squirting orgasm or time or how many fuss or how many sex positions you're going to do if he has a pleasure orientated mindset where he's placing her pleasure above his I think he's that's the most important thing and then secondly which is similar to the first but it's making sure he's go easy and relax always take your time so again with a lot of men I think we're always in a haste and we're always rushing to make sure you're always taking your time and making sure your attentive to her needs and then the third I would say if you want more information you can buy my book excellent and if you were going to give the same piece of advice to women because I always find that you know when people say to me what is the advice how would you start us off what do you say to women to say okay you can walk down the path of pleasure and the first thing I always say to women is give yourself the permission to feel pleasure to begin with and secondly that you know just you have to be responsible for your own pleasure because if you have decided that you are worthy that you're going to have it that you are worthy of it you will walk down the path of pleasure but if you've got your mind closed off then your partner certainly can't do it for you so when it comes to actually techniques now we're talking about techniques and if you're going to see to women that you could actually give yourself the pleasure of squirting what would your advice to them be it will be similar to what you said about first and foremost give yourself permission to experience pleasure and with kinyasa or squirting how you're going to give yourself don't be afraid to let go don't hold back don't be afraid to because I think a number of women who've experienced I'm squirting they say just before they squat it feels like the feeling is similar to urinating so I'm sure there's a lot of women I'm sure a number of men who have listened to this who they've been in relationships with a woman that a number of women say oh hold on wait I need to use a bathroom and it might be that she wants to squirt but she's not able to differentiate between the two so I would say it's important that obviously like you said make sure she gives herself permission to experience pleasure I'm squirting and don't be afraid to let go I think that's very important don't hold back because as men not only do we not we're not afraid to let go we push out we release and I think that's something that a number of women don't really do and I think that's why I think it's important that you need to you need to kind of let go and again and take ownership of your pleasure take ownership of your squirting or take ownership of your orgasm don't look at it like it's the man's responsibility to make me orgasm you're you're not a passive recipient in this encounter it's something that you're both should be mutually enjoying together but ultimately you should take ownership as in when your experience is pleasure if you're feeling that you might squirt orgasm push out let it go it might need a bit of a nudge so definitely I would definitely say don't be afraid to let go so it can women also bring themselves to that point where they can squirt I mean can they sell pleasure to that point yes it's possible it's there it's definitely possible for women by way of masturbation self pleasure have you want to call it can bring herself to both squirting and orgasm and there are a number of women especially a number of studies in the west which say that most women most women are able to squirt by themselves down with a male partner the same way a lot of women are able to climax by themselves down with a male partner one of the reasons is because they're able to they're not worried about the reaction of their partner that maybe he might judge her and things like that so the reason why a lot of women are able to climax by themselves is because they're in tune with their body they're able to get out of they're more likely to able to get out of their head out of their head and into their body and relax whereas when when they're with a partner, maybe they're thinking about what their partner's going to think and things like that. So they say this, obviously you won't have a penis but you can use your fingers to stimulate yourself to bring, and obviously a woman will know her body and what. So I wouldn't say to a woman, use the upper quadrant method because she might, for her it might be the lower quadrant method. It might be the tapping technique. It might be juice pot stimulation, which is most arousing and most pleasing to her. So by first, like you mentioned, giving herself permission to experience pleasure, she can find different ways of exploring squatting but she has to be able to let go. And I think maybe a woman are able to do that by themselves more than with a male partner. And tell me something, is there lubrication needed for this particular technique or this act? Is it important? Because in a lot of other sexual acts, we recommend that women use lubrication even if they are getting wet on their own, but still we still recommend that they use that as an extra thing to help them along. Is that necessary in this as well? Well, for the advanced cunease technique, yes, because that involves the frosting. Penetration. Yeah, that involves penetration. Whereas the actual simple cunease technique, it doesn't need lubrication but it doesn't mean that lubrication won't help. And one of the reasons why, again, it depends from person to person, one of the reasons why sometimes lubrication, some couples prefer not to use lubrication with the simple cunease technique is because it allows, in some cases, it allows when the woman is not lubricated or she's fully lubricated with using external fluids, the man can see, is able to pay more attention to the woman. And sometimes what happens, and I'm sure some of the men who listen probably could testify to this, sometimes when either you're doing manual stimulation or using orally or even using cuneasa, when it's very wet, especially the external surface, it's kind of slippery for you, you can't concentrate. So sometimes it's easier when there's no lubrication but at the same time, again, it's not to say that you shouldn't use it, whatever works for that for the couple. So if it does help the environment, you should use some lubrication. And just before we close this conversation off, which has been absolutely fascinating, is there one last thing that you'd like to say? Yeah, I think, I love what you said about give yourself permission to pleasure. I think that's because the book, although it's for couples, it's scared towards women. And I think it's important, if I was gonna leave you with anything, is what you said about give yourself permission to pleasure, to experience pleasure and to try and adopt a pleasure-orientated mindset. I think that's the most important thing. I think if both the woman can do that and understand and appreciate that women should come first or their pleasure should be, you should prioritize women, female pleasure above male pleasure. I think you're on to a winning rung and run and then you probably will be able to experience the joys of kinyas. But don't be afraid to let go and enjoy kinyas and squirting. And it's not urine, I would say that. Excellent. You know, I'm hoping that this is going to clear up a lot of the doubts and the questions that people have had about squirting. Like I said, it's the new kid on the block because of pornography. But I really hope that this makes them understand how it was really about pleasure, about female pleasure. And it is such an ancient technique that it should actually be revered as such. It should be venerated almost as a pleasure technique and not just used as something that you watched on some kind of porn and you think that you can kind of plow through it in some ridiculous way. So I just hope that this is gonna change a few mindsets. And I hope that it's going to bring a lot more pleasure to a lot more people. Okay, so for everybody out there, if you've been listening, I hope that this makes you more comfortable about trying it. And I certainly wish you a lot of happiness in the next few winter months with this new act that you might be able to get a lot of pleasure from. So as always on the video, do like, comment, subscribe. If you have any other questions, send them into info.seema.anand at gmail.com. If you need to get in touch with Dr. Anvita Madan-Bihal, she is on anvitamadan-bihal.com. If you need to get in touch with Habib about any more questions on squirting or kunyaza, Habib is available on Instagram. He is Habib, H-A-B-E-E-B, underscore A-K-E. A-N-D-E. And of course, his book, Kunyaza, Secrets to Female Pleasure, is available on Amazon. Happy reading if you manage to get that book. And we will see you here next week.