 fifth right by the real life bro this your car? NEVER this your car right here? NEVER oh hell nah what? what the f**k is this s**t into my car? be what? what? oh hell nah bro look at my s**t look who you let drive your car huh? what the f**k is this? what the f**k is this? she f**ked this up oh hell nah hello what the f**k happened to my car? what the f**k you mean you f**ked the s**t what the f**k you mean destruction derby look at my s**t that's crazy look at my s**t that's crazy I'm gonna kill you I'm gonna f**k you this f**k oh come back what the f**k man come back what the f**k huh so you're telling me that all I have to do is put my hands up like this and bounce and that's how I get 100,000 likes I'm single so if you see me out with someone and then you see me out with someone else go ahead text me and tell me which one's cuter story time and I need everybody everybody mail in female to listen to my story so last night I went to dinner with one of my best friends when we got to the restaurant when we were walking and I saw this really really hot guy he kept looking at me I kept looking at him he was sitting on the porch deck of the restaurant and we were sitting inside and in order for me to go out and talk to him my waiter said I had to wear a mask so I wrote my name and phone number on a sticky note and I said do what you want with this and then I handed it to my waiter I explained where he was and I said I need you to go give this to him so my waiter goes and gives it to him we get our dinner we eat dessert we do all that it's time for our check we ask for boxes and the guy gives us our check and he goes just so you know the guy you gave your phone number to just paid for your meal I said what so when we left the restaurant he was still sitting on the porch deck of the restaurant so I went over and I said thank you and he's taking me on a date next Friday males men out there who say women just catfish us with makeup I wish they would just be natural when she looks like a 10 with makeup on and a 3 without first off f*** you okay get my hair not second off how about your f***ing baseball cap Chad oh yeah you're real tough behind your hat take your f***ing makeup y'all got hats okay go screw yourself Chad next time a guy tells you he can't wear a condom because it's too tight he's lying story time anybody who knows me knows I don't answer unknown phone numbers so throughout the course of the day I got several phone calls from an unknown number and well leave a message and I'll call you back I got around to listening to these messages from a f***ing organization looking for some girl named Sierra given that they've called a couple times I decided to call them back and let them know they have the wrong phone number after a few minutes of talking to the lady on the phone she then says why would she give us this phone number said I don't know either you got the number wrong or she intentionally gave you the wrong number because she doesn't want you calling her either way this is not Sierra's phone number it is my phone number she then says to me you are the reason these organizations exist because you're hiding Sierra from us now I'm at work so I was very calm I said God help any man that comes to your organization for help because frankly you'd shame them right the f*** out of the door I mean we should be paid like $50 an hour my guy an actual living wage hi Dan I just moved in next door I'm a supermodel I don't care who the IRS sends I am not paying taxes alright baby we're here so now listen to me this is very important once we go inside the house you want to start shaking everybody's hands alright yes hola como esta hola como esta shake their hand then when we go to the back yard to the barbecue same thing if you see some old grandparents sitting around shake their hands old f***ing Mexicans shake their hands anybody that you see shake their hands so anybody and everybody to cook to the taquero too you want to make sure you shake his f***ing hand because he'll hook us up with more f***ing meat now another thing listen to me once you see that the food's ready and everybody's going up you want to go out there and fix me a plate alright why? why can't we go up there together? because of you because might also be talking s*** about you that you're good for nothing that I'm getting my own food and that you look at my growth can't even give me my own f***ing food it's a Mexican thing and then the uncles are going to be making f***ing fun of me the whole f***ing night I don't want that baby so just please I don't ask for nothing I'm f***ing shy I don't want to go up there by myself I don't ask for much just do it baby just do it I don't want to hear it just f***ing do it grab your s*** let's go again don't forget the taquero s*** be like I can take her n*** up I want it too fellas a quick tip if your girlfriend's mad at you that's what you gotta do I got her favorite food and it's some sushi and we're presenting like this alright she's coming home soon hey welcome home hey guess what hey check I got a sushi yeah right? you like the sushi? can you feed me one? I love you what's what's going on? nothing hang on I'm just standing here a little surprise for you just hold it right there okay? okay um and then everything together comes together and just like that moving I want to stand to rest oh my god I'll get another one I'll get another one it's okay for my husband's lunch today I'm starting with the top portion which I'm first going to lay in some lettuce then I reheated some chicken karage in my air fryer which is something I always have on hand in my freezer I'm also cutting up an Asian pear and putting that in as well I'm also adding in some of our favorite Szechuan roasted peanuts and some cherry tomatoes and for the dipping sauce I added some cutie mayo and for the main portion I'm going to be doing udon which I went ahead and blanched the noodles and the spinach this one's pretty easy since I'm using this Kiko Min udon soup base since my husband's workplace has a kirig all he has to do is add in hot water and for the toppings I'm doing spinach fish cake some fried tofu one soft boiled egg a handful of bean sprouts some green onion and then I top it off with a little bit of spice flakes which add a little bit of heat now that everything's ready to go I'm packing it all away and of course including a note to tell my husband to enjoy the noodles did y'all know that the number one sex position between couples is doggy style a man lies there in bags while a woman rolls over in place today this neighborhood dangerous is people like you well I don't see what's wrong why do you even care that I'm on the road am I really bothering you that much yeah there's plenty of trails that you can ride around in I know I'm going to a trail right now you realize that right I just ride it to the trail call the police on you as well to just be warned that the police are coming okay I guess I'm going to leave then if I see you around again it's trouble nibbles is not happy alright I won't okay I'm sorry I'm sorry that I upset your cat I won't be on this road anymore why don't you get a job I do have a job I do have a job this is my job right now I make videos on YouTube what's YouTube you don't know what YouTube is well guess what you're going to be on YouTube right now alright have fun have fun being on YouTube lady did you know in the state of Colorado that all a woman has to do to keep a man away from his kids and saying that she's scared of them don't believe me look at my case 12 dr1464 it's public I love you baby daddy's going to miss you I love you I'm going to be a mom without telling me you mom shouldn't be a mom my mom had an orgy with the man that I wanted to lose my virginity to my mom had a fear of having fat kids and she would make me take diet pills in elementary school and middle school and if I ate too much she would make me run until I threw up when I got a job at Burger King and was doing well she decided to become a shift leader and she smacked a bag of shake mix in front of all my coworkers and said it juggled like my fat belly she used to be a sugar baby and a stripper and she would leave me for weeks on end with no food or electricity in the house while she had fun with men she left me alone on my 16th birthday because the day before my family had to cook out and I decided to stay with them instead of go with her and her new sugar daddy and she got mad at me and went to a bar and partied with her friends ever been good enough in my mom's eyes I've always just been a competition to her I accidentally wrecked into a tree because I was so upset she was leaving me again with another man and she punched me in the face because of it this is for my girls in their 30s and up like me and this is why I think dating isn't working out for us girls if you know you know so these guys are going in these dating apps and these younger girls are looking fabulous contouring it's not fair we didn't have that we were looking ratchet and we looked young but these girls look old as hell so they're going out plowing all of these little chickadees we get screwed because here's the deal they don't need to be respected they don't need to be taken on fancy dinners they can just go out pick and choose all these beautiful little girls walking around with their fat asses meanwhile we were waiting you know and we've already passed the little host stage we're not having sex so we're not putting out but they are and these men why would they want to settle down with us when they get f***ing a girl every f***ing night men are pigs