 I've never seen before and that's what the problem with you is just because I don't know tools that I use. Which one of these centrifuge? Centrifuge. Centrifuge like centrifugal force like the speed I use to extract DNA you are certainly acting like. It's a box. And it's graduated cylinders and it's beakers and it's pipette and it's my life. Well now I know. But you didn't before. So after 16 years you don't look at my work so I have a daughter that knows nothing of what I do. Because of a centrifuge? When I say GC I mean graduated cylinder that is how I talk. So I'll learn what a GD thing is. You can't even tell me. You can't even tell me what any tool in this place is. I think I found a flaw in your plan. What is that? You don't care about me right now. But you know who does? Who? Mom. She cares a lot about me. So? So if you want to win her back do something completely revolutionary and large to show her that you care and want her in your life. I need to pack up my loud. She doesn't need that. Maybe I need that. Maybe you actually need to be excited that I'm coming to change everything that you thought was right. How can I be? How can you be excited? When you don't even know what a centrifuge is. You don't know any tools that I use which means you don't know about what I do which means you do not care what I do. Which means either I did a shitty job of raising you or you hate me. I know what a draft tube is. What? Angela goes to the box and starts pulling out things. Now who's the idiot? When you're older you've worked all this through. When you're older you actually listen to me. You actually talk to me. You actually treat me as someone who might have your best interests at heart. I'm here. You saw me born. You actually held me. Maybe that's why. And when I came and you had to put less hours in the lab, your lab became a nursery lab. Your desk doubled as a changing table. And this isn't the graduated cylinder. This is a draft tube. Because I couldn't say graduated cylinder. This isn't a beaker. This is a hippo tube. These things. Picks up a pipette. Flamingos. Picks up a pipette holder. Swap where the flamingos live. You didn't have to change everything around you. You didn't have to reverse yourself to handle your new backwards life. And I don't know what a centrifuge is. He sounds just like me. I'm having a daughter. Because you went upstairs. I went upstairs. So I wouldn't lose my wife. You wouldn't have lost her. You would have lost me. Just hand me the centrifuge. Angelica's the centrifuge and hands it to her. What's it used for? It spins and spins and until it's been so fast that it separates the DNA from the rest of whatever's in there. It's pretty cool. I think it's pretty cool. It's redundant. Redundant? Doesn't an ultrasonic bath do the same thing? What? I just remember recalibrating it with you and you said that's what it did. We were working on an ultrasonic bath. I don't have a bath yet. Oh, well, that centrifuge thing will be useful then. If it works. You keep broken. Why don't you learn how to fix it? What about your big gesture? I'd rather teach you how to do something useful. Hand me the screwdriver. Oh, wait. What did we call it? Like pointy wizard staff or something? We call it a screwdriver. End of scene. Scene five, the lab. Angelica's bent over the centrifuge, attacking it with a screwdriver. Maddie is staring at Jolene. So the door latch works normally and the refrigerator compressor turns in response to the temperature set. I think I figured out why I didn't want to have a baby with you. So it's obvious that the power is getting into the motor. Excuse me? But the power light still isn't on. I said, I can't hear you. Can you turn it off? Have you checked the motor brushes? Jolene turns the centrifuge off. Should I be sitting down right now? I think I figured out why I didn't want to have a baby with you. I feel like I should be sitting down right now. I brought you leftovers, and this is when you tell me. Tell you what? That you're leaving me. Mad? Oh my god, you've thought and you've realized that I'm not worth it and I brought you chocolate tacos. Chocolate tacos? Because they're your G.D. favorite. I got your favorite dessert from your favorite Mexican place and you're leaving me. No, what I'm saying is that this baby isn't mine. It's happening. No, everything that I do every day is changed what I'm given. I have bacteria that hates penicillin and I get paid so that it eats penicillin. If you give me a gene that says that wants to do something like it wants to give you brown eyes, my goal is to say, fuck you and what you want. You're getting blue ones. There is something in me that says that that drives me forward. If you fuck you. That was the gene born in me. To say that, to get the job done, but with this, with our daughter, I can't even do that. My role as a parent started when I loaded the ICI and ended when I squirted it in. And then when the tests were negative, when you weren't pregnant, I became a parent again because I loaded the ICI and I emptied it out again. That's when you became a parent. Because it's you and MIT. It's your looks and your smile and your hair and your brains and how you whistle when you laugh. The MIT grad will fill in the gaps of whatever isn't dominant in you and I'll be the bitch that brought you two together. That is what people will see when they look at us. It's what they'll be thinking. They'll think, oh, that baby, that baby has Maddie's eyes and that woman there must be her sister. And that's why I didn't want to do this. Because I have no control. There is no fuck you gene in there. Leaving you. Because you've thought about it and you've realized that I'm not good enough for you, that what I'm bringing to the table isn't what you deserve because what you deserve is better than what you deserve. Deserve? I get to be with you. Okay, so why do you want to leave me? I don't want to leave you. Well then what are you saying? That I didn't want to have a baby with you because of this reason. What reason? That I can't do anything to prepare for what's coming. There's no part of me inside your stomach growing with plucky determination. It's you and it's someone else that I'm not in there. So you wanted to carry the baby? No, no, no. It has no effugee. It's an example. Then you didn't want to... So this is an experiment that I have no control over and because of that I need... Well so don't control him. Why? Well because he'll be a part of me. Probably wouldn't want to rebel against that anyway. But you don't understand. My genes are not in there. I have no control. If you want control then you have to be more than a gene dispenser. You need to be there for him and influence him. His environment dictates more than his genes can. And I will be there. Will you? That's what I've been saying. I will be there. Mad. Prove it. Prove it. We're talking science, right? Experiments. Evidence. Prove it. Jolin flips on the centrifuge. Here's your proof. I'm not saying that you didn't already check the motor brushes but maybe when you checked them the first time for cleaning you knocked them out of alignment. What am I listening to? It's working. It's worrying. Yes. What I'm saying is that you might want to look at them again and just readjust them. It was broken. But now it's working. It's like humming. Is the power light on? Oh it's doing a lot more than humming. Jolin turns off the centrifuge. I left and you said you'd prove something to me. I didn't know. I didn't know what I expected. I didn't. But I relaxed. I hoped that I wouldn't have to wait, wait, wait for eight months and you packed two boxes and then nothing is moved and you're working on your lab. And I don't know what I expected but I didn't expect this. Mad, this is better than a crib. A broken thing. Fixed. Fixed box is something that I can do. This is something that I can use and I can fix and I can rebuild and I can teach someone. I can teach someone how to use it. I can teach someone what to do with it. I can teach someone to take data from it. I can teach it to our daughter. What? Mad, I can have some control. She doesn't need my gene. I can give that to her. I can take whatever MIT has and I can condition her and I can change her and I can make an impact on our child. I can potty train her. I can teach our child. I want to teach our child. You want to condition our child. Being there. It's using what you and MIT have already given her and adding to it and altering. He's not going to come out being born a nerd. He's not going to know how to do anything. He's not going to be born excited by this box. And I get to give that to her. Nobody hates it. She won't. He could. You're assuming I'm not setting up our child to be good at something they might not be. I know. And what else are you? And I can't let myself get wrapped up in this and forget about everything else. Our life will go on. I know she is not an experiment. And I understand that I am here for all things. For everything. For everything. I also went to Kinko's. Jolene gives Maddie a balanced stack of patients. I sent the originals to the lawyer. And this is for us. Any time Lucy wants to say we are messing up that we don't know what to do, we can tell her to turn to page 23 and read back. I believe Jolene and Maddie work perfectly together. Instead of having parents which are similar, they fill in each other's gaps and holes. Supporting each other's weaknesses with their own strengths. By accepting this adoption application, a child will be born with two mothers who can truly raise her to be the best girl she can be. Lucy did not say girl. I may have inferred it. It's going to be a boy. Yeah, I know. So all of this because you fixed your thing. Just let me turn it on for you. It sounds amazing. Jolene turns it on again. Okay, so now it works. I unplugged it again. I turned it back over. Take the screws I kept on the right side and then I'll first attach the outer shell. I get to teach this, Mad. End of scene. Scene six, seven nights later. Maddie and Angela are sitting next to each other on the kitchen table. We need to talk about bills. What do you want to drink? Smoothie. Water, thank you. With strawberries. Already got it. Jolene starts making the smoothie. Are you listening to me? Bills. I think we need to talk about how we've been spending our money. Do you want whole or skim milk? I just water. Whole. The way we've been spending our money. Oh, we're out of whole. Skim all right? Yes. The way you've been spending our money is really worrying. Mad, me. Angela keeps the table. It's worrying me out. Didn't happen again? Yeah, he's excited today. Oh, this is the third time in a half an hour. Did Dr. Lipton say? Completely normal. Well, I would have liked to hear that for myself. It was a short appointment. I need leg room. Put your feet up. Dr. Orders. When did you talk to Lipton? I also have a PhD. Jolly moves the opposite chair under her feet. Does that feel better? Are you better? No. What do you need? I need you to stop spending our money. I mean, what's the matter? You keep spending the money that we've been saving for the baby on this junk. What junk? Have you been listening to me? Name one thing I bought. I haven't pulled up right here. Name one thing I bought that is junk. Did you see this? Just because I didn't buy diapers or bottles, right? Do I need to read your Amazon order list? ACT prep book. Give her the competitive edge. Trigged flash cards. Cycled them in with her letters. That's the future of education. Ministry set. Well, that was more for me. Where's my smoothie? Are you listening? I bought it all on Amazon. Used. It was probably a hundred bucks. Two tops. Jolly turns on the blender for a few seconds. Smoothie is made. Yes. What? Want me to send it back? The point is you are not listening to me. I hear everything that you say. What is this? Your smoothie. Anything. I asked and you said. I said I wanted water. You said smoothie. No. I said. And then I asked what kind of milk. I said I'll take water. But you want. Joe, listen to me. You'll like this. This is what you want. I didn't want. Take it. No. Mad. You want it. What I want is for you to return all the ACG prep books and changing our Amazon. Maddie takes a sip of the smoothie. Fuck yes. What's in this? I'm going to draw blueberries. Blueberries. Skin milk. Do you understand what I'm saying? I need you to listen to me. Maddie sips the smoothie. Yogurt? Greek. I'll return the stuff. I don't care about the stuff. I care that our son has no crib, that he doesn't have clothes, and I can't get off the couch to put this together while you are in your basement. But we need to know where he will sleep. We need to know what he will wear. Because I haven't been with it enough to plan any of that. We have nothing ready. But she needs all. She doesn't exist. Our child exists. Our child. Who I'm going to profit for because our child is being fed and nourished and cared for by me. Oh, what's that? Our child? You want your mother to stop making me things I didn't ask for? Dude, I'm not saying anything. He says he's going to be zero when he's full. The thing that requires a middle school reading level. He also doesn't need anything he needs gobbles for or a safety apron. But she needs it. He also needs a college education, but we're obviously not saving for that. He's going to get a scholarship. He needs diapers. He needs bottles. He needs clothes. He needs a place to sleep when he comes in a month. He needs a room to live in. He needs you to start thinking about what he needs to come into this world. Because I can't. I tried to put the toaster in the dishwasher yesterday. We have our sides and we have our strengths. But I need you to take some of mine right now because I just, I can't do it. But I don't know how to. If you don't know what that might be, guess who you can ask. Me. Start with what he needs is a crib. What's that? What are you talking about? I'm totally lost right now. Oh, oh. You want your mother to maybe tell me when she's rescheduling gyno appointments? I said that I was sorry. Oh, you want your mother to stop making me look like an idiot, sitting in a large room alone for an hour, babe. I'm, you want your mother to treat me like a parent who deserves to hear your heartbeat live and not on some shitty cell phone recording. You did that? I swear that I told you. You didn't. Not cool, mom. How can I take up for some of your slack when you won't let me? When I don't even know. I said I was sorry. I don't even know why you're trying to cut me out now. And I'm trying to put myself back in, but it's hard when I don't know what I've done wrong. If it's about the ACT books, fine. I'll return them. And if it's about me not putting up a crib, then that's what I'll do. But if I don't know how I'm fucking up, then I can't be a better woman to you, can I? You're a great woman. Then what the fuck? First, you don't want to do anything fancy for the wedding. I just, I wanted something easy. Or for our adoption approval. Something low-key? Then I don't even know what the official gender is. People both be surprised. Because I haven't even met our doctor. And how? Now, you won't even let me make you a smoothie. Is this our pregnancy? It is. Have I messed up so much that you don't want me to be a part of it? No, that is not it. Is there something that I should know? No. Then what is it? Matt, talk to me. What happened? I know that this body is telling me that everything is about to change. Then tell me what you need. I need you to make me another smoothie. A month away. We haven't even packed our overnight bag. We have a lot of work to do. I said... Fine. Overnight bag. And I'll put the crib up in the morning while Lucy is taking you out. In a perfect place in my lab where he can stay. We have a guest room. He needs to watch me work. Make me another one. That would be wonderful. And that's all? We're good? We have some more fruit. Before I start packing, do you want a refill? Well, you know, as long as we have it lying around... End of scene. Scene seven, next day. There are three cribs in Jolene's lab. Jolene's phone rings. She silences it. Third time. She wants to know about the crib. Have you picked one yet? You're not helping at all. You're not going to listen to me anyway. We are not going over it. Yesterday, I asked you for a smoothie. And I specifically asked you for a smoothie. That was when I was craving and you denied me. I didn't deny you. Mom denied me and you sided with her. It was a decision that we made together. You had already made it. And I shouldn't have and I'm sorry. But you got your smoothie in the end, didn't you? But I wanted one sooner. Your mother and I make decisions together. End of story. Now let's refocus and pick a bed for you. You're going to be sleeping in it for... Why does one have baseballs on it? I thought it would look good. You did that because you think I might be a boy. I don't think you're... You think mom is right? I'm not eliminating anything. Listen to me. Look at me. I'm a girl. Not the other two. One bright pink and one solid white. Not a lot of middle ground here. I am covering all my bases. When Matt gets back from her sister, she's going to make the final decision. Cowboy up, why don't you? Excuse me. Jolene's phone rings. It's the boss. You better get it. She probably knows you're not sure which crib to get. Jolene's silence is her phone. I don't know about that ever again. We are both working to see what's best for you here. We're both trying to figure this thing out. I want the pink one. We'll see. I'm a girl. I want the pink crib. I'm leaning more towards the blue one. Of course you are. Let's say you are a boy. Then it's perfect. And when I'm a girl? You'll be combating gender stereotypes. Jolene's phone rings. She silences it. Joe, that crib better be set up. You've been given a whole day to get it together. Oh, just wait until you're older and you're pregnant. How do you know I haven't been pregnant already? Nah, you stop right there. Oh, how do you know you aren't already grandma too? I am not. How do you know that you can become a crazy tomboy after I slept in a blue baby's crib and kissed a crazy... Okay, we won't get the blue one. I want the pink one. We'll settle. I want the blue. I'll take it. The white. Yeah, it's neutral. It's boring. It's clean. I've got two words for you. Poop and fingerprints. You will be sitting in that chair right over there and you will turn. This part will still be white and this part will still be white and the bars will be white at the top. Raised me in a cave. You're exaggerating. Any nation going. I'll see the white and I'll be bored. And then I'll look at those instruments over there and I'll be bored. Bored. But if I'm in pink, if I'm surrounded by color that I like, Jolene checks the messages. Joe, I can't wait to see the crib you picked but I got an alert from the bank. He wants to know if we bought three of them. Lucy says hi. Can't stop saying how big her little sister is. Save me. Jolene clicks for the next message. Hey, if you get this before I get home, my back is kind of acting weird. A lot of pain. Can you please pick up some Tylenol before I get home and heat up some tea? I think I'm going to need it. Jolene clicks for the next message. Call me back. Jolene clicks for the next message. Something's wrong. I don't know. Dr. Lipton said it wouldn't, it just feels off. It feels like pressure in the wrong spot. Lucy's taking me to the hospital and you should meet me there. Mom? Jolene clicks for the next message. Joe, I need you. There's blood and I don't know. I don't know what to... I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm at Portland General. I'm on route to Portland General. I need you. End of scene. Scene eight, hospital waiting room. Jolene is sitting at the waiting chairs. No news is good news. They told you to wait and they would give you word. That's a good sign. She'll be okay. We've seen this on TV a lot. There's blood. The baby is born early. Put it in an incubator. There's crying. Everyone goes home at the end of the half hour. It'll be great. Mom's lying in a bed just waiting for us to come in. She's wondering what's taking you so long. I mean, she's going to yell at Dr. Lipton. Oh, so bad when she learns that no one was allowed in. Lipton's going to come through those doors and that's when we're going to know that everything's going to be all right. And wait. We have to wait because we have no idea what's going to happen and there's nothing we can do. There's literally nothing we can do, right? I mean, Aunt Lucy, it looked like she was crying, but she wasn't. It was just her gravity shifting. You would tell me that if I walked in when you were in your lab late at night and you'd say every once in a while, gravity doesn't pull you straight down. Sometimes it swings. When things go bad, your gravity shifts. If it's bad, you feel gravity pulling inside you and after it pulled inside you, it pulls straight down. Sometimes when I'd wander downstairs and you'd be sitting in your chair and you'd be staring and I'd ask you to pick me up and you'd say, no, you were too heavy that gravity was shifting. I don't want to lose you. I can take the blue crayfish. It doesn't matter. Just breathe. You have nothing to be sorry for. I'll try. Just breathe. I'll try. Just breathe. Just breathe. You made it. You're safe. No. Sit down. No. You need to sit down. I'm sorry, I didn't pick it. I'm sorry that I... You need to be strong here. You have to do this. No. You need to take this. I don't want your ring. Give it to her. You give it to her. No. You take that ring. You put that back on your finger. You raise her with me. Raise her with me. And when she is 28 and has a degree and a job and a steady boy slash girlfriend for two and a half years that we both approve of, then you can give her the ring. When he comes through our door. When he comes through our front door scared as shit asking for permission to marry our daughter so she'll be happy and in love and never have to work again. Then you can take that ring off your finger and you can give it to him. I don't want it. Take my ring, please. She needs you. She needs you! She needs her mother, not her fucking mother, too. You are her mother. Take it. Just give it to her with the rest of your stuff. I can't do it. I'm a big fan of yours. Yeah. Well, I understand. You were sent here. That person has been a member of the family. Sent you a part of the family. She needs you. That is true. They don't work together. I've been in a lot of scotty. I've been in a lot of scotty. I've been in a lot of scotty. I've been in a lot of scotty. I've been in a lot of scotty. I've been in a lot of scotty. I've been in a lot of scotty. I've been in a lot of scotty. I've been in a lot of scotty. I've been in a lot of scotty. I've been in a lot of scotty. I've been in a lot of scotty. I've been in a lot of scotty. I've been in a lot of scotty. I've been in a lot of scotty. I've been in a lot of scotty. I've been in a lot of scotty. I've been in a lot of scotty. I've been in a lot of scotty. I've been in a lot of scotty. I've been in a lot of scotty. I've been in a lot of scotty. You know, it's still fun. You know, you want to leave, you want to stay and you want to work. So here we go. Cough. Cough. Cough. Cough. Cough. Cough. Cough. Cough. Cough. Cough. Cough. What the hell? What the hell was that stunt you pulled back there? It wasn't. Lucy, Lucy had to get up and say something? It's not. You were my wife. I thought that it meant something. It does. It did. Well, apparently not when my own wife couldn't even speak at my own G.D. wake. When I'm lying in that casket, you don't even look at my body. I paid my respects. You didn't come to the casket. It was crowded. You didn't look at me. I know what you look like. In the back of the room, in the last seat, not talking about me, not looking at me in that wrinkled suit, God only knows why you wore that suit. We had a plan and you could just chat. We had a plan. My funeral was supposed to be standing room only. Glass, casket, open bars. It's serious. Yeah, our neighbor's kid, John Jeff. Jeff's kid was supposed to play. You know, the electronic cover band, their first gig. I'm sorry if I felt like... Yellow dress. But you were supposed to wear a yellow dress. Sun colors. And I was supposed to be in blue, like the fucking moon. Hey. But instead I lie there and I have someone that I don't even know. He was a pastor. You were supposed to interrupt him, share some memories. She did. Then my father did. Then my nephew, then Joan, from accounting. And after each time, there was a pause. And it was a pause that was getting longer and longer and longer because I had a memory that you had, something that you wanted to share. How could I say? You could say that you love me? No, that you'll miss me, that I left behind a daughter who was this spitting, epping image of me when I was a baby. I thought I wasn't supposed to lie anymore. Oh, so you didn't say anything because you were going to drop truth bombs? Fine. Here I am. Just pretend I'm lying in the casket. What do you want to say to me? You're why? I'm not doing this. What? Ow, ow. How can I put this down now? Some stranger spoke over me. You're not wearing yellow. This is pointless. You're not even here right now. You skipped my funeral, which I never even wanted. I would love to know. This course wants to know the truth. What is the first thing that you would have said? Did we need money? What? That's what I've heard today. Did we need money? No, we're doing well. Did we have a bad doctor? No. You know, Lipton was the best. Did I just hate my wife? Joe. No. Joe. So why? Why? I've heard it today. Why? Didn't I bring my wife to the hospital earlier? Why didn't I put her on bed rest? Why did I still let her go to work for two weeks after she got the diagnosis? Did we need the money? Maybe early on, and that doubt sowed a seed in my wife's mind and she didn't trust me, so I didn't know. No, that's not it. My wife didn't trust me with the information that she might die? Joe, that's not it. So because of me being a selfish, fucked up mess, I didn't get to say goodbye. Everything was fine. I didn't get to hold her to be with her because I thought I was doing the right thing by picking out a crib. Everything was fine. The first time I rescheduled I thought I had actually told you. I thought that I told you before and the doctor said that everything was fine and you were fine with it. I wasn't fine. I mean there are more important appointments than for me to pee in a cup. And then I went in for another one. Sided, and I got there an hour early because I'm crazy and they had a spot open. I was excited, Joe. I just, I didn't think, I didn't think until I saw the look on your face when I showed you the picture of our little beating alien heart. You would come early too. Just as I was leaving I saw you in the waiting room and I, I'm sorry, we were going to go to the next one together. Now the big one where we could see her. He would hold my hand and we would stare at the baby and cry at work. I saw some blood. I didn't even think. I called, flipped and drove over and I was ready to call you but she said I was fine. But we had to run some more tests. So I got to see our baby moving and I learned that the heartbeat was odd and that my blood pressure was high and I had too much protein and so we needed to wait and see. Come on, why would I, why would I need to get you worried about something that's waiting to see and I already did our appointment together two days early so I lied. I wanted wait and see to be about nothing. You know, to add up to nothing. When I went back a week later it wasn't and another week later and it wasn't. And I learned that I had it and that the only cure is delivery. That's the only cure. I had already messed up enough already, Joe. I could not leave you with two months to go and suddenly you have a wife. Well, look at where you did leave me to take control, to do your touch. I'm not magic, Joe. I've never done this before. So instead I had to sit in a room where my best friend was lying ten feet away and she will never be there. I had to come back home to an empty, cold house. Your sister gave this to me. I didn't know how to refuse it. Please, take it back to your ring. I can't have it anymore. Your wife offers Maddie her wedding ring. Empty. Just take the ring back, please. Why is the house empty? She was supposed to get out today. Why are you going to take it? She was supposed to come back today. I came back to see my daughter, to see you hold my daughter. Where is she, your sister? Where does Lucy have my child? She is my child now. Why does Lucy have my child? To let me grieve the peace because when they took you away and I was looking at Angela through that window glass and she was staring at me and she wasn't saying anything, but I know what she was saying, what her lungs were getting ready to say as soon as she gulped enough oxygen down them and I wanted another day. Another day of peace. She's going to blame me, Maddie, and I can't take it. When is she coming back? Tonight. Nothing. How long does Lucy really have my daughter? She's sad as long as I want it. How long is that, Joe? When will it start feeling like my life is not over because you're gone? Why do you hold Angela in your arms? I can't hold her. Why not? Because I just see you. I just see you and how empty I am right now and I can't do that. This is why we had a plan. I can't do it! This is why I told you explicitly what I wanted at my funeral. So I wouldn't miss you? So you would be ready to be a sad, moby bitch I would have asked you to. I would have told you to hang a picture of me on the wall in every room of the house and to call Angela Maddie. But I didn't, did I? I wanted music, I wanted alcohol, and I wanted you to look like daylight. Because I was going away. I was honoring you. You were doing nothing. You were ignoring me, you were focused on your own grief, which is exactly what I didn't want you to do. I wanted you to celebrate. I wanted you to come in with a tramp on your arm. You just picked up at the bar. I'm never going to be over you. I want you to move forward. Fine. Never be over me. But you need to move forward. And what I wanted was supposed to do that. It was a ceremony of you taking the next step of everyone moving forward. Not dragging everybody back has no idea of what happened. Angela, our, my daughter has no idea what happened. She knows she's alive and that everyone is sad. That's what she knows. She knows that the woman who has been carrying her is gone and the woman who's been talking to her through my stomach is nowhere to be found. And that's what I didn't want. All of this is what I didn't want. This isn't what you wanted. This isn't what I wanted. But it is what has happened and you need to deal with it. I'm dealing with it. You need to deal with it a whole lot better. You are now her only mother and you need to start acting like one. It's raising you. You don't want to give to her. These are ours. This is the last thing that her mother touched and you don't want her to have it. She needs to know about me. If you don't do it because you need to see her because you need to hold her because you need to watch her crawl and scoot and walk and say no, then do it to tell her about me. There's a knock on the door. Please, please do this for me. If you don't want to do it for her, please do it for me. Look into her eyes and see me. Please, I messed up too much in her life already. Please do this for me. Mad? My pet, Joe. End of scene. Act two, scene two, lab. Jolene is still in her suit. There is a warming pan on the stove and Jolene is holding a bottle out to Andrew. You have to be thirsty. Drink this. No. It's good. It's milk. It's formula. It's the best milk substitute I can find. I want milk. This is good. Formula. I've tried it. You watched me try it. I liked it. What's the formula? I want mom's milk. It's a stuffed beaker. You can be a little scientist like me. If you just drink a little bit, I will give you the stuffed beaker. Give me the beaker. You have to drink first. Give it to me and then I'll drink. You promise? Yes. Now let's drink some formula. I want milk. But you promised. What are you going to do about it? I'm an infant. I don't know any better. You're hungry. I know. You're hungry. Just tell me what you want. So that you'll eat. I want that. I'm not giving you that. I want that. I want the program. It's not a program. I want the program. It's a remembrance card. You write in it what you remember and then you read it out loud or you bury it or you give it to the family. I want the card. If I give you the card will you drink? Just give it to me. It's empty. Time to drink. Angela throws the stuffed beaker on the floor. You need to eat. I don't want you. I want real mom. I'm mom. I'd eat for real mom. I'd smile for real mom. I want to hold real mom with my cute baby head and eat your food. I'm not going to want to touch you. You with your pathetic eye. You're the worthless parent here. If I was with mom right now instead of mom too, I'd piss water because she could make me think it was candy and I'd be happy to do it for her. And you're not her. And all I want to do for you is punish you for everything you fucked up in my short life. He picks up the bottle, wipes it off and puts it in the warming pan. When I first saw you in the nursery you were silent and staring at me. I don't know if you know this, but when you fell asleep I just watched you. I tried to see if I could see all the things you were going to do. And the next day you were silent. You didn't talk. You barely ate. I watched you every day you were in that box. But at least you're talking now you're good. I'm hungry. Right. Let's check. All right. Take bottle. Turn over. Test on arm. Temperature is acceptable. Jelene offers Angela the bottle. She takes it. The drinks and spits it back. Too cold. A few more minutes. Jelene puts the bottle back in the pan and waits. Maddie enters and watches. So I should talk to you about your mother. About Maddie. When you get older when you get older and attached to someone and love them very much they stop being someone that you're in love with and they stop being a part of you. They start being you. And for eight years your mother has been me. So when she left when she passed I am the inside of me has just vanished and there's a there's a vacuum in there. It's like my gravity is shifting. And I'm just drawn inward. And I spent all night thinking about it that that is not the kind of parent you deserve. Jelene takes the bottle out of the pan and tests it on her arm. But it is the only one you're stuck with. And I'm probably going to be reminding you of that a lot as you're growing up so please, can you? Just try it. Just try to have some, just a little. Jelene offers Angela the bottle. She takes it and starts to drink. Jelene looks at her watch. You're doing great. Okay, time's up. Give me the bottle. The fuck! All studies agree that giving a shortened eating schedule is a more better digestive system. When you're older, we will wait three minutes and I will give you the bottle back. But it'll be cold. And if it's not warm enough for you, I'll prepare another bottle. I want more. You don't know what you want. Two more minutes. Give me more! If you get agitated, I will have to reset the time. After three minutes again. What the fuck? Calm down. You're not going to get any more food. And if you keep yelling at me like that, then your food can't digest and you'll be stuck with an upset shitty tummy. Listen, either I'm the mom or I'm not what's best for my daughter or I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. You have two minutes left. My last night? No, she didn't. She talked to me. She did. And she said that she'd talk to you about it when she dropped me off. She said she would love to have me live. No, she didn't. She gave me a bottle of formula and let me drink as much as I wanted. And then she held me and she sang to me and it felt like I imagined mom would feel. I would close my eyes and it's like she's still here and I just held onto her and she held onto me and before I drifted off she said that she wants to keep me forever. And when I woke up she gave me more formula as much as I could drink. I'm feeding you. I can hold you and love you. Oh, you just need a minute to get excited about it, right? You dropped your hippo tube on the ground. And I wouldn't be forced to hold this bullshit stuffed animal. Please. Give me a break. You're trying. I'm learning. And failing. Yesterday you gave me away because you hate me. I don't. I heard you. Today you spent an hour trying to feed me. But at least I fed you. And that's the least you've done. You're not ready to be a mom because you can't be ready. You're trying and you're failing. I try to be the best. Real mom's right. What do you mean? She didn't want to say this in front of you. But there's a lot going on. Maddie? Are you talking about Maddie? Yeah. You're not a real parent. You're half a parent. I don't want to be with someone who can't be a mother who's only half of one. Real mom and I agree. I should go live with Aunt Lucy. No. Oh, wait. No. You drove her out. I didn't mean to do that. I want you to call Aunt Lucy tonight. I can't stay here any longer. I'm not going to do that. Look, she wants it. I want it. No. Real mom wants it. I'm not giving you up. You are my daughter. I'm too much for you. Give me the family. Give me to someone who wants me, who knows how to take care of me, who feels like mom. I feel like mom. Then hold me. What? Hold me and tell me what you feel. No. I can't see you. Wait. I can't fucking fail at the first chance you get. I'm not failing. Jolene holds Angela. Act two, scene three. Jolene is sitting with the phone in her hand. Maddie is with her. For the nine months that you were pregnant, Angela never yelled at me. We would talk about everything and she would give me advice, but we never once yelled at each other. And? And I don't know. Call loose. If you force me to stay here, mom, you will be the most worthless. Mom has crossed my mind. When I'm ten, I'm going to take that chemistry set. Do you know how long she has been screaming just to be away from me? Five minutes to end here, but she is not listening to me. You have to go in. Maybe if you did something more than telling her what to do. I've tried everything I can think of. I tried to read her a story when I put her down. She was just yelling at me the whole way through it. I picked her up. She pushed me away. I changed her. She didn't need it. And now she is just yelling. Maybe it's colic. I wish. Lipton said it just to let her scream it out. And I'll use all those ACT books and flashcards. All I can do is good enough. Please. She needs you. She needs her mother. I'm sorry. I'm apologizing. Please. She is yelling and yelling and every look that she gives me and all I want to do is call your sister and beg her to take Angela. So please. Come back. Just for tonight. Just for tonight. You can go in the bedroom and you can hold Angela and then you can come in here and I'll give you a bath massage and I'll hold you in a way I haven't figured out yet so you'll be comfortable at night. I'm never going in there, Joe. Do you hear me? And that'll be the last time I see an equation or read the word. Cylinder. Demon. You can't be in a house with someone who doesn't listen to me, who can't talk to me, who can't understand reason. Oh, when she is not even yelling, she is blaming me. I told you she would be part of me. But we could reason with each other. No, we couldn't. When I was wrong, you reasoned it out and when you were wrong, I didn't care who said my reasoning. It was cute. I cared that you cared. I could tell there was passion and there was love. That's what Ang needs right now. Do you hear me, Mom? Mom too. You? Be searched. That's how wonderful I am, Mad. She is distressed. She is upset and she calls for you. She calls for Aunt Lucy. She just blames me. Love, sit down. Sit down. Close your eyes. Can you feel this? I will always be here to hold your hand when you're walking alone. Stroke your cheek when you're sad and to hold you at night. And your wife, and I'm sorry that I wasn't on bed rest and I didn't tell you and I'm sorry that I left you holding all of this by yourself. You know I didn't mean it. Don't try to touch me. Just feel it on your cheek. It will never leave you. Ever. You know that, right? I'm so happy that I can still do these things but I can never go into that room. I will never get to hold my daughter. I will never get to comfort her when she's upset. I would talk to her. I would listen to her. I would hold her so tight that she could not help but feel my love going into her. You get to do all of that. You have to be both of us here because all I can do is hold you right here, right now. I miss you so much. Nothing I miss you too. You're holding your breath. So? That means you want to ask something. I don't. Just spit it out. Why are you wearing that ridiculous suit? It was my father's. You remember we agreed on yellow dresses and some young tramp on our arms. I thought... I thought you were going to bring Pat. Pat? That girl young crud. They had a crush on you at work. I'm gonna let go. I have those. You look good in yellow. It just wasn't as funny without you there. I'm always here. If it was me... If it was me who carried Angie and had her. If it was me... I'd have two tramps. One for each of us. Mom, tell Object I can leave. Tell Object she sucks as a parent. Tell Object it would be better for me if she just gave up. Jolene puts down her phone and puts on Maddie's wedding ring. Here, don't forget this. She'll love it after a while. Maddie hands Jolene the stuff feature. I don't want to talk to you. I thought that's what you've been doing for the last two hours. No, I was ordering. Angie, I... I don't care that you miss Mom. I don't care that you're trying hard. I don't care that you've never done this before. I don't care because you have nothing to offer me. Because I have just been talking about me. I do, Miss your mother. I will always miss her. I am trying hard and I haven't done this before. I am your mother and I am proud to be your mother. I didn't come in here to talk about me. I know about me and you're too young to care right now. I came in to talk about you. So you know how to pitch me to Aunt Lucy? So I know you better. It's you and me and I want to know you. I miss her. I know that I never knew her but part of my body feels like I should. I feel like I should have known her. I spent so much time with her that I wanted to know her. I wanted to know what she feels like. I want to know what she would say when she lifts me into the air. I want to know what pictures she'd show around the office. I'll tell you about her. Baby. As I was being born and breathing and taking her breath away as I did it. I did it. I could feel it. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. There's nothing. I'm sorry. It should have been me. She should have lived and I'm sorry. I messed up. I could have done to prevent it. You also can't change the fact that I'll be here with you. Yeah, I'll be here and I'll always be on your side and we will get through this right now. And when the pain becomes easier. I'll still be here. I love you so much, Angela. I'm proud to have you as my daughter. Sorry. There's a beaker on the ground. That's why we're starting with a stuffed one. Jillian offers the beaker to Angela. She takes it and holds it. Do you feel that? I'm starting to fill up. They hold each other as the lights fade to black. End of play. And being smart with analysis. Just how do you feel right now? What's the adjective that comes to mind when you think about this play? I love it. I wish I thought of that. Cool. Let me ask you this. Go ahead. Well a new thought I had tonight was if I were to pitch this as a film it would be look who's talking meets six feet under. That's cool. This evening, what do you think is going to stick with you? What's the thing that you immediately think of as you reflect over the whole experience? What is there a particular moment that really resonates with you in some way that really either affected you or made you laugh or something that you think will stick with you for a little while? Highlights for you? Anyone want to talk about that? I think it's as a parent that you say all those that the kid's screaming is all of those questions and all those I'm terrible at this, you're horrible at this it was great to hear it verbalized about each other. But you certainly do them I do anyway. I know we're parents. Cool. Highlights for anybody? Moment of play? A particular thing about a character maybe? Some particular feeling that you had at certain moments? I think there are agreements about the funerals it's just such a great detail that you're going to dress in yellow and look like daylight and all being blue you don't have a tramp on your arm it's just such a it just tells you so much about their relationship and about what you care about. Anybody else? What do you think this place is about? What's the respect on? How does it make you feel? You can love someone and you do but sometimes when you've been together you don't keep going to keep knowing because as you're together obviously you're always going to change and sometimes you work on that change and you have to deal with it but sometimes the relationship becomes too comfortable so don't keep going Yeah Yeah Go ahead The play is like life in general not just being a parent but like life in that we're all going through life for the first time and we don't have a guide on how to do this we're just learning as we go and that's what's happening to these characters Yeah What do you feel about these characters? Would you like? Would you not like if you didn't like someone? Did you feel particularly connected to someone? Do you really empathize with one particular character's point of view or journey? Anything like that at all? Listen, I love Joan just because it seems like the whole play it becomes her inner monologue it's sort of the the transverse of what we see in normal plays we see what they say I mean we hear what they say but we sort of see what the characters are feeling but this is the opposite we hear totally what she's feeling and what we would be seeing I think if this were if we were just to see the action of the play it would be her sitting alone especially in act two it would be her trying to feed a baby that is just squalling but what we get to see is the inner dialogue of someone struggling with grief and self doubt so it's sort of a play turned upside down in my mind where we see all of the inner struggle and you know I know people who suffer some of this loss and I it helps me access empathetically people who will have to sit in their house alone after their spouse has died after their burden with things that they couldn't even begin to anticipate having to deal with you know and they sit in silence but their mind is active and that's what this play to me shows us an insight into a real interior journey one person's grief but my favorite parts are when the baby speaks and I think we felt what I noticed in our responses whenever she was talking shit to be frank we were like yay especially anyone who's been a parent or has struggled through life struggling to communicate with someone you know that's the stuff I feel like we've done deep our children are actually saying that or at least we've projected onto them self-doubt onto the ghosts well it's so like it's reaffirming because frankly to me kind of those parents were always like oh no my kids are great so it's great I have cuteness it reaffirms parents like what the fuck and you ask also moments that will stick with us I thought for me the turn was executed so well when I told you at the intermission phone rang three times shut it off and then somebody said that's four and I was like uh oh but I didn't know where it would go I was like I totally expected it was going to be an issue with the child and then it still went further and then the whole turn of it was exquisite didn't get ahead of it at all and the power, the emotional power of that bird to come down there and take the ring it was pretty amazing yeah I was actually going to ask that if we got taken on an unexpected journey there did we see that coming did we feel like it no because like I said it was so funny it was such a comedy really all through of that because of the way you like the relationship between the characters bad turn stuff did yeah I didn't know right who's well known here I know now that you've spoken his name I believe he's come back we have a question from Shane back here from the internet it's Holly Allen yeah have you something like that cool well at this point I'm going to let Garrett come up and join his cast grab a chair back to the playwright about the play anyway you're about to play yourself in the process of creating the play or how the whole festival has been for him or you know the house is wide but before we do that could you talk for a quick before we came back there's a place in Nashville called the Terminate Playhouse and every season, every quarter or four months we have a new festival and I wrote this play for it which was just about a husband and a wife and then the husband is so myopic with his work ethic that his only way his wife can tell him that she's pregnant is by kind of role playing and being like a fictitious child and then that's how she tells him and then I was like well I like that and then you know there's there's turning points in a relationship there's a lot of turning points there's a couple big ones that you know about there's someone proposing to somebody else like will you marry me and there's like a pause and you're like I don't know you know that's a big turning point in that relationship and another turning point is when someone says that I'm pregnant the other person says oh no like that's a huge turning point and so I was like well instead of instead of the 10 minute play it was you know I have a kid I'm not ready well now I'm ready you know at the end of this 10 minutes and I was like well no what if it would be much cooler if they would if he was not excited about it and then there's so many other things you can do with this and you know it started with a guy and a girl and then it changed to loving women and that's kind of how it was so do we have a question do you like to ask your to talk about any particular part of the play or anything about this process at all yes ma'am do you have a lot of sisters you really got the tone of women how we talk the first thing when I saw three girls I have a sister a very opinionated sister maybe watching I don't know and everyone has a mother but you know it's I don't know how writing would be different there's this there's this comic that I read about it's called the Bechtel test have you ever heard about the Bechtel test it's kind of like the coolest thing ever it was this comic I forgot what the name of the comic strip was this woman was a genius it was 1980s and in this comic there were these two women walking they were going to go see a movie and one of them was like well what movie should we see and the other one was like well I have this test that I perform on movies before I see them the movie has to follow three rules the first rule there needs to be two women with character names in the movie the second rule is that they have to talk for more than 30 seconds to each other about something that's not a man and those that's the Bechtel test and those three rules takes out most of the films that we see today it's kind of crazy and you know so then they decided to see Alien which was you know there's two women with characters that talk for more than 30 seconds about something not a man but it's kind of when you learn that it just kind of keeps you in the back of your brain it's really scary and what when you're creating art what kind of art are you creating if it won't even follow three can't follow three simple guidelines anybody else a question comment I've been one to ask this but I have lots of opportunities to ask you I don't know why I haven't asked it before I think inclusion of science in the play because I know that was part of the the tentative play but where did that wanting to make Kim and eventually her a scientist where did you start with that? yeah well a couple things that I really love I love technology, I love science I love reading like you know Wired Magazine articles about people going to like Uruguay to look at bandwidth problems you know whatever it is and I realize that I'm the only person that really enjoys that no one really cares about like vibraphic cable in the Atlantic Ocean but really me and the guy that wrote the article and so like well that could be you know I want to write about what I like so I write it and I like you know this person is a scientist because you know science is awesome and they're doing this genetic test because genetics is awesome and then when you're writing it you're like as soon as someone says something like a scientific word like I don't know genetic analysis or something like that there's like you could spend your time explaining what that is and why it's cool or you could use that kind of as a backdrop for the kind of the way that people talk I could tell you about how cool it is to splice a gene or I could try to show you what that relationship looks like between one gene and another that's being spliced on stage it's like tricking you into learning and so whenever I try to talk about science or math or anything like that it always starts as a character giving a lecture essentially and two people talking about it like oh really that's how our thermometer works yes that is how our thermometer works but then instead it changes into I'm getting hotter and hotter well you should you know that's exactly what you want but you know it's me taking what I really love and then slowly replacing it with metaphors and with relationships that would kind of replace that does that make sense cool anything else alright well thank you so much for being here I think we should applaud this play one more time thank you I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I