 On December 15th, 2017, Star Wars, as we know it, officially died. With the release of The Last Jedi, it had become clear that Disney didn't have a plan for this franchise and was really looking for a nice cash grab. Sure, I pretty much hated everything about the Star Wars prequels, but at least those were far enough separated for me that they weren't touching the greatness of the original trilogy. But the new trilogy changed all that, didn't it? They brought back the OG actors, had them play different characters completely from their originals, and then they killed them off in unceremonious ways. While A Force Awakens was borderline a carbon copy of A New Hope, it did give some of us fans new hope that Star Wars was back. Under new leadership with Disney, what we didn't know at the time is that new leadership was drunk behind the wheel, steering this ship into uncharted territory. And I really mean uncharted. They had no plan for where this thing was going to go, and it shows. Let's roast Star Wars The Last Jedi. A movie so hell-bent on being the angsty middle child, it doesn't even care that it's breaking up the family. The producer of this video is Jan Rose, a Mithril member over at patreon.com slash adam does movies. She said Adam, it is time. We have just a little bit left in 2023. Roast The Last Jedi. Give people what they want. And so I have. And thank you Jan Rose for being an awesome supporter this year, and all supporters at patreon, and right here via youtube as a join member. Alright, let's begin. One of the Weasley kids furiously overacts his plans to attack the rebels. It appears the first order have themselves a dreadnought. You know what they say, waste not dreadnought. I don't know, let's keep going. Poe Dameron turns into a regular jerky boy, spouting off with the yo mama jokes. Laugh. BB-8, the most well-rounded character of the bunch, because he's a ball, starts fixing ship damage. Dameron Tokyo drifts around the dreadnought and right into our hearts. C-Van and starts shredding the rebel bomber ships, leaving only one remaining. Acute pilot makes an impressive grab and releases the payload. I know, listen, I've heard it all, okay? The bombs probably wouldn't just drop, right? We're in space, they would just float away, they don't have the force, the momentum to drop straight down. There's been debates on both sides. I don't care, this is Star Wars. I can stretch my imagination. I have no problem with the bombs falling. This is actually the most compelling scene in the entire film, this one minute pilot moment. So I'll take it. They successfully destroy the dreadnought. But what did it cost them? Everything. Supreme Leader Snooki is not thrilled. Here's the new Jar Jar Binks of the film. Previously, a credible character with a lot of potential, now a one-dimensional punchline. Laugh. It's time to subvert expectations. We're finally back with Luke after 30 plus years. When we left a Force Awakens, it was a tease. We see him on his island with Rey, she's holding out the lightsaber. What's gonna happen? What sage advice is he gonna give her? What kind of training are they gonna go through? None. He throws it over his shoulder. He doesn't care. So brave. So bold. So fresh. So subvertive. Horses! These are the best characters of the movie. No cap. Sheila or the white kids still saying no cap or did they find something else to take from black culture? You don't know? Okay. Subscribe for woke. Chewbacca smashes through the door for a family reunion. Luke doesn't seem to care at all. He doesn't really acknowledge him. He's like, Chewbacca. In the red room, Supreme Leader Hugh Hefner belittles Kylo Ren. Ren throws a temper tantrum in the elevator. Luke tells Rey to piss off as she asks for help. Space Nazis are going around imprisoning or straight up killing people that don't agree with them and Luke's over here like, get off my lawn, teenager. That's the guy I remember. That's the character I fell in love with. Thanks, Ryan Johnson. He then hikes around this shitty island until he gets to his destination. An alien cow that he can milk. This alien looks over at Rey with a smug expression on its face. Like she's bearing witness to something really naughty. And now it's the only way I can achieve climax. Luke then vaults over the island with a staff which prompts Rey to yell. Really? That's your concern? You think Luke Skywalker is going to drop off the side of a fucking cliff? That's what's going to kill him? The dude that single-handedly took down Darth Vader? The dude that saved the Rebels and the galaxy? Yeah, he's going to slip and fall? Are you out of your mind with this? Mysterious chanting Beckins Rey to the most boring library imaginable. There's like nine books in this tree. Luke informs Rey that he came to the island to die and that the Jedi suck. Cool. Cool beans. Why here? This is the best place you could spend your twilight years, Luke. You don't want to be a Jedi yet. You're staying at the mysterious mystical island with the Jedi texts. How about go to the sandals equivalent of a beach island? There's got to be a planet that's just a resort, right? A place where you can kind of forget your cares and your troubles, play some slot machines, lay out on the beach. A second space battle is now underway. Really just the first one again. Extended. I mean, they took out a dreadnought, but the Empire, I'm sorry, the First Order still has a whole lot of ships. Kylo Ren leads the charge with a bunch of cool spins. That's a cool trick. Who's he trying to impress with this maneuver? He's not dodging anything. He's just doing spins. Real talk, he impressed me. He impressed me. He blows up a bunch of rebels scum who are just ordered to their posts by Poe Dameron, who's now killed hundreds of rebels and there were only like 400 left. So he's like knocked this thing down 50%. Very good leadership, Poe. You know what they say? Poe money, Poe problems. It doesn't make any sense either. We have a touching moment where Kylo and Mama Leia force connect. It's short-lived. General Leia is blown out the hull of this ship, presumably to her death. Good night. Sweet princess. We're informed by an officer that the rebels are just out of range of their main blasters. Which begs the question, why not just send some troops out in front of the rebel ships? Take another dreadnought, go on the other side of them, blast the thing into smithereens. This is not complicated. Why are we doing a slow-ass turtle chase when you have so many other ships at your disposal? It's loony tunes. It's bananas, Gwen Stefani. Somehow, Leia lives. After spending some time in the cold clutches of space, Leia Organa awakens again with some force magic or something. She takes flight like Superman getting a fresh jolt of sun. This is such an awkward shot. The general gets pretty tuckered out from the flight, but Captain Marvel will return in the rise of Skywalker. I love that Luke doesn't allow Chewie to stay in one of the huts. What an asshole. In light of Leia's absence, Vice Admiral Holdo is now going to be commanding these troops. Who is this woman? Where did she come from? Why the hair color? So many questions, not enough time. Let's keep going. The second jar jar of the picture has entered the arena. Rose Tico, one of the multiple strong female leads of the picture. This was all the rage in Hollywood at the time. We gotta have more strong female leads, no nonsense women that have basically zero faults, other than that they love too much or they're too intelligent. It's about time. She's mourning the loss of her sister who died in the bombing. Remember her? I said that was the one cool character in the film who seemed like she was interested in having a compelling arc, but she died. Yeah, I would have preferred that Tico. I wanted that Tico story. Rose thinks very highly of Finn. He's a superstar rebel in her eyes. She's a, uh, she's a Finn girl, you could say. Instead of a fan girl, subscribe. The two bond over their shared excitement for A2 power breakers. Yep. We all, we all love them. But every class process has a dedicated code breaker. Yes, of course. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. The three Stooges come up with a brilliant idea to destroy the tracking device, so they're gonna have to reach out to Maz Kanata, of course, who I guess took this call during a battle. No. Maz, what is happening? I don't know what's filming her right now. Unfortunately, she's Kanata gonna do it, but she knows a cracker that absolutely can. Sounds like this code breaker, but I'm not gonna do everything. Oh, yes, he can. Odd, odd thing to say at this moment or any moment. Rey and Kylo or Reylo, if you must, have an interesting force connection right now. And I gotta tell you, I can't wait to see where this goes. I'm sure somewhere very captivating and compelling and new and subversive, because that's what we're doing with this film. It's not gonna go anywhere. It's not gonna go anywhere. Rey, for some reason, keeps this from Luke. Okay, okay. I was cleaning my blast, it went off. I've been there before. Side note, it really annoys me that this movie looks so freaking good. It's one of the prettiest-looking Star Wars movies with one of the ugliest scripts. Let's keep going. During training, oh, yep, we got there. Luke's training her now. She does a really good man of steel impression. Zack Snyder's the blueprint! We get a beautiful planet earth montage. Rey gets called to the island's butthole. Porgs. I like Porgs. Adam Driver starts seeing Daisy Ridley in his head again. I envy him. Finn and Rose are on their way to Kanto Bright. They're going on an adventure! How did they get away from the first order? Anybody's guessed, really. Oh, that's right, they're not tracking smaller ships. Why? That seems like more work to disable the tracking of smaller ships. Every time I see a radar, it's like... and it shows little dots and big dots indicating the different size of ships. What else could they have on their radar? That's not a flying device. Are there birds out in space? Is that a big problem? A lot of birds disrupting the radar equipment? No! Track everything! Dip shits. Now on Sonic's casino planet, it's time to track down that code breaker. This whole section looks like if Harry Potter and the Star Wars prequels had a really ugly child together. Rey continues her training by fighting a rock that has the same hairstyle as her. And she's having a hard time hitting the damn thing. Just move closer, Rey! She finally lands a hit on this rock after several failed attempts. The thing falls off the side of the cliff, almost hits a couple of the actresses from Sister Act. Our two lovebirds get broken out of prison by a stuttering Beniche del Toro. We transition to a Rose Tico Disney Plus side story with Finn where they're going to save captive animals and not the slave children. They're going to keep them right where they're at. I love that they don't rescue the kids. That's good stuff. Thanks, Disney. Thanks, Ryan Johnson. After what feels like a three-hour movie? Luke connects once again to the Force, reaching out to his sister Leia. Hello? Hello? Who cares about that, though? We have a way better connection between Rey and Swallow. He explains the real story to Rey how Luke didn't just sense evil in him, but he also tried to kill him in his sleep for a second. Classic Luke. He's incorrigible. Rey gets sucked into the island's asshole and right into an A24 film. She makes a quick TikTok before the island reveals absolutely nothing to her. What a waste of a scene this is. She shares the whole situation with her new BFF Kylo. It doesn't know who her parents are. Really just a sad sack about it. They are able to touch hands somehow. It's really impressive stuff what's going on with the Force. And since Rey is essentially a Disney princess within Star Wars, this is pretty much sex for her. Oh, dad shows up. Force blocking their connection. This leads to a small fight in the courtyard where Luke is at his lowest point and once again gives up on Kylo. It just makes sense for the character to do that. A dude that was able to pull his father back from the dark side after decades of doing unspeakable acts. But yeah, this is the line. He's not going to reach out his robot hand for his nephew, the freaking son of his sister, the son of his best friend Han Solo. No. Not a chance. She leaves. Luke sucks. Realizing how stupid the Jedi way is, he's off to burn down this crappy library. Master Yoda. But Master Yoda shows up to do the job for him, calling down Force Lightning. That's a thing now. Ghosts can actually do stuff in the real world apparently, so what's stopping Yoda from busting into the first order and just lightening the shit out of everyone? Maybe throw a tornado in the mix. I don't know what elements they can control. Maybe just blow them up from the insides out. What's stopping them from doing any of this? Poe throws another one of his now trademark fits when he realizes purple-haired strong female lead is moving everyone off the main ship into little transports to go to a secret planet that used to be a rebel base. How convenient. How nice. Yes. This shot for some reason exists. Evil BB-8 enters the arena. You smell that? That's money. We have ourselves a new Christmas toy, folks. Using the Force, Rey and Kylo try to turn each other on. The sexual tension between these two is palpable. It's Palpatine, really. Doesn't make sense. C-3PO wants no part of the Poe mutiny. He's like C-3P no way I'm sticking around. See ya later. See ya, Nara. Other ways to say goodbye using C as a pun. Holy fucking balls. Is that Captain Phasma? Yeah! Phasma-gasm! She survived the fall in the last film? Finally we get to see how cool this promising new character can get. This time she's not going to be a one-note punchline. Oh man, I can't believe there's still another hour of this movie. Head trauma, Leia knocks Poe out. Holdo informs Leia that for some reason she has to stay behind and pilot this ship. Autopilot doesn't exist in Star Wars? Couldn't Leia, using her magical force abilities just move the ship herself? She can survive the fucking vacuum of space, but moving a ship with the force, that's too much? No, Holdo's going to do this. It's brave. It's very brave. I guess all that's left to say is, may the force be with... We have fun, don't we girls? We have fun. Giant nose for a face lady is concerned. Snoke sets up a little meet and greet with Rey. Anyone else extremely turned on right now? Leia informs Poe dumbass that the first order isn't tracking small ships. Again, I don't know why that's the case and that they can easily sneak off to the planet. Mineral planet, Crate or Katie or whatever it's called. It doesn't matter. My god, look at all these idiots just standing around, jump into ships, fly out ahead and start firing away. I cut a deal. The human version of Porky Pig reveals that he cut a deal. Back on the Jeremy John's YouTube set, Snoke is tossing Rey around like a rag doll. Like a, like a Rey doll. Kylo's not thrilled. He tricked Snoke, kills him, lightsaber through the gut. Didn't see it come and did ya? He subverted expectations! Real talk, no cap. Sheila, no cap, good. I love this scene. I know, it's popular to hate. We gotta hate on it because it's a boring background. It's just red and the choreography is not good and one of the daggers disappears on the side of the person who gives a shit. I like the first Star Wars movie where Obi-Wan's doing a dumbass little spin like and they're basically like pecking each other. It's ridiculous that we're getting upset. This scene's bad ass. Rey is on her game here yelling at the top of her lungs full-blown rage. I like the decapitations. I like the no-scope shot through the head with the saber. You can like things in a movie people and the movie can still be a complete dumpster fire and that's what we have here. A freaking awesome one minute, two minute section of an over two hour. I think it's almost two and a half hour picture. I love this scene. I wanted more of this. So after subverting expectations and potentially taking the story in a new different direction, it's a game changer, right? Kylo and Rey, the dark and light side team up to form some sort of a gray side or a new first order? A new, new first order? No, they're at odds. They hate each other. They're gonna still battle. Kylo Ren's now Darth Vader. Rey is now Luke. It's the same song and dance. We just took different direction to get there. Luke still trained Rey. Everything still followed the exact same playbook, but instead of giving us what we wanted, he pulled the rug out on things and said, oh look, I made this guy garbage and I made Poe a dipshit and I made Finn a laughing stock. Luke is a pathetic hermit who's miserable. Isn't this different and exciting? Hold on, shot out of a cannon doesn't move so brazen that they're gonna name this after her in future films. The next future film, Rise of Skywalker. It's the only thing that gets carried over is a single sentence saying, yeah, did you hear about the hold-o maneuver where she ripped a ship right through a fleet using light speed? Pretty ballsy. Finn does a powerful jump strike, but it's no match for Phasma. Phasma survived death once. She's not going and then she's dead and then PC yells incoming as the rebels are under attack. In a last ditch effort to buy time or something, 13 dumbasses get in these speeders that I don't believe that even have guns on them and they fly ahead on into the first order, the new order, Pepsi clear order, whatever it's called. What is the point? They all get gunned down very easily except for a few of our main protagonists, of course, who don't accomplish anything either. There are so many scenes in this movie that are pointless. Raise back, baby. And porgs! More porgs. Poe realizes that in a sea of dumb ideas, this is his dumbest yet, so he tells everyone to retreat. You know, the four people that aren't killed. Finn says, Poe, way I'm leaving. He's gonna go right at that cannon that's gonna blow open the doors and kill all the rebels inside. He wants his Independence Day moment or his Godzilla minus one moment, I guess, if we're gonna be more relevant. Human sacrifice in order to buy the team a little bit more time. It's a bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off for him. Unfortunately, Rose Tico is not gonna let this man cook. She smashes into the side of the plane, killing them both on impact. Unfortunately, they survive the crash. Rose Tico gets a few seconds to talk about how she loves him and gives the cringiest line in all of Star Wars history, which is this. That's how we're gonna win. I'm fighting what we hate. Save him what we love. I am a ghost because when I heard that line in theaters, I died of cringe. What you see here is nothing more than a Casper-esque ghost material in front of you talking about this movie, but I am dead along with Star Wars. I died. FYI, while she's doing her whole song and dance, the cannon is still revving up. Finn would have had ample time to at least destroy the cannon and himself, of course, in the process, but that was taken from him. So that what? Everyone can die instead of just him. His noble sacrifice becomes mute. But wait, Rose Tico is on to something because Luke is here. Holy crap, he's gonna save this movie. He's gonna salvage it. We get a nice moment between brother and sister and he hands her Han's iconic dice. That's a thing, I guess. The dice was a thing that nobody knew about but is now important. Holy dicks. Luke is taking on this entire fleet Han solo. He's ready to fight. He teased it earlier with Rey's like, what do you think? I'm gonna fight the whole thing by myself. This isn't that. It's not gonna go down the way you think. I'm smelling something else. Subversion of expectations incoming. We have a master versus apprentice 1v1 showdown. Kylo says the thing. I will have killed the last Jedi. God, I love when they say the title of the film inside the film. Luke is actually just here to buy the rebels time to escape the backside of the mountain that they didn't think to check out earlier in the film because BB-8 did a four second scan and didn't see any holes or cracks or chinks in the armor and none of the people that stood around doing nothing thought, why don't I just go down and look? Maybe there's a way out. Nah, I'll just stay here. I'll just stay here and die. It turns out Luke wasn't even there. He was doing a Skype call from Island Planet. Mark Hamill's final line uttered in the Star Wars universes, see you around kid. It's mirroring Han solo and it reminds me of what a deadbeat dad Han was to Kylo Ren. So it's a nice touching little callback. Very nice. Very cool. I love what they did to my hero. What a great send-off for this iconic character. Having him die alone on a fucking planet with no friends or family nearby. He handed those dice off to Leia though. That's something. That's something. Thanks Disney and Ryan Johnson so much. Unfortunately, Rose Tico lived. The movie ends with like five rebels surviving. The five that Poe wasn't directly responsible for killing with his stupid ideas and they somehow have to build up an entire army by the next film. What a great use of the middle story to start from scratch again. Take us back an entire story's worth. The final moments of the film feature those slave kids that Rose and Finn didn't save which I love. That was a great piece of storytelling. They're back. They're still miserable but they have hope. An optimistic young child looks up to the stars and then using the force pulls a broom over becoming Broom Boy. And much like everything else in this movie, him using the force entirely pointless. It's not going to be brought up ever again. It's not mentioned. The only force user is Rey and I guess general Leia who not going to make the cut much longer when the next film fires up. Because I hate to break it to you son. The force is female. Well that's the last Star Wars. I mean the last Jedi. That's kind of right the first time. A movie that goes out of its way to take chances in the worst way possible only to wind up with the same exact story as the previous entry. How refreshing. Kind of those the villain. Raise the hero. The old cast has been killed off after sharing basically no time together. Leia was kept alive just so they could awkwardly have to find a way to kill her off in the next movie since Carrie Fisher died shortly after filming had wrapped. They still had a full year of post-production to go but they thought keep her in. They'll figure it out. Have you seen the wild deep fake and CG stuff going on over there? We'll make it work. Almost nothing was carried over to Rise of Skywalker. A complete shit show in its own right but that's maybe for another time in another roast. Thankfully I felt nothing watching this. Every single ounce of outrage I used to have for this movie has been completely stripped away. Wiped clean. I still think this is the prettiest looking Star Wars movie outside of that disgusting canto bite section that looked like it was shot by the C team. Felt like a completely different movie. But unfortunately it's the prettiest ones that usually are the most vapid. Let me know your thoughts on the last Jedi. Do you hate it? Have you always loved it or are you tolerated enough to get through this trilogy? Let me know in the comments. Please like the video as it takes a good chunk of time for me to write the scripts on these, edit them, post them out. Would love your support with just a like. Now if you really want to support the channel become a patron at patreon.com slash adam does movies. You could even become a mithril member and get your own movie roast pic. Or you can become a fan right here via the join button. Get membership that way. Lastly, if you just want to do a one-time thanks, there's a super thanks button. You hit that thing and you can give a few bucks and say, hey Adam, love the roast. Love what you're doing. Can't wait to see more of you in 2024. And with that, I part ways with a, may the force be retired for some time. Take care.