 As a coach, a dating relationship coach, one of the things I often hear from women, I don't wanna say this as a complaint, but as a disappointment is that they've invested time in the emotionally broken man. That's right, that person that doesn't have the capacity to actually lean into a serious relationship. And I can relate to this person because after going through a divorce about a decade and a half ago, I was a broken man. I was a person that probably wasn't gen, not what probably, I wasn't capable of leaning into a healthy, happy relationship. And today, sadly, most human beings are experiencing whether you're a man or woman, that broken person. And while we can characterize the word broken as a judgment, I don't wanna necessarily say it as a judgment, but at the same time, when a person isn't completely capable of actually investing their mind, their body, their spirit, their emotions, their physicality into a relationship, body I guess would be physicality, into a relationship, would I suspect as a person you wouldn't want to invest time in that type of person. So we're gonna talk about this in those five red flags and I've got a bonus red flag to share with you today. I shared with you also that I was a broken man. I know after going through my divorce, I was in a very, I don't wanna say a dark place, but I had a contentious relationship with my ex. I was trying to navigate what it was my life was going to be like outside of being in a relationship. I had job issues going on. The emotional effects of a divorce was incredibly traumatic. In fact, when you think about it, you're unraveling the tapestry of an old life and trying to make sense of who you are as a person in this new life. And I can tell you, having gone through that, it took me almost a decade before I was capable of actually leaning into a healthy, happy relationship. Yet, I'll be candid with you. A lot of women saw me this broken person and they saw me as a project. And I don't think they intentionally saw me as a project, but in a way, well, if I'm the woman that can heal him and I'm the woman that can save him, then he'll be mine. And sadly, I mean, thankfully, I was very honest and transparent as to who I was during that time. And yet many women in the beginning, well, I think I need to pause for a second. You know, after going through my divorce, I wanted companionship, I wanted connection, I wanted sex, but I wasn't really capable of commitment. I call these men the spenders. They spend time with you, and yet they're not capable of actually leaning into a more significant relationship. I call these men the spenders. Now, what's interesting, I spent this past weekend in Las Vegas with my beloved, and there's a picture of her and I right there. Oh, in fact, by the way, if you're listening to this tonight, she is joining me live on my Facebook page for my members of Midlife Love Mastery. So if you're listening to this right now, check out the link below to Midlife Love Mastery. If you want to be able to ask her questions, join us live, you're gonna have to join my group. Okay, so I was sharing how we were out of town for the weekend, and we were with four other couples. And what's interesting is, and I think it's important to understand that of these four couples, two were married, one were, the other two, or the other two of them live with their partners, one for seven years, one for a year, and then my beloved nine. Okay, of the married, first married couple, they've been together since literally high school sweethearts. The next couple, both divorced, met each other 12 years ago and got married two years later. And great couple. I mean, we had a great time with everyone, but I saw this is a couple that had to go through a lot of adversity for them to be in the type of relationship there. And then the other two couples, the same thing. Why I'm bringing this up is all of these men were capable of leaning into a relationship. They saw the value of the relationship and they didn't show up as broken men. So to be able to identify this, we call this broken man, I wanna give you some of the red flags you should be looking for early on. So you don't invest time with a person who's gonna be sadly a time robber. Now, what's important when I share these is also look in the mirror yourself to say, am I doing any of the following as well? Because I can tell you as when I was single, actively dating, a lot of women are in the delusion that they're emotionally mature and emotionally healthy to be in a relationship. And yet they also women can equally be incapable of a serious relationship. And this is usually whether it's a man or woman, it's usually a reflection of our past. It's usually a reflection of our childhood upbringing. And most of us have experienced some level of trauma, some level of woundedness that causes us to have negative patterns and limiting beliefs in our lives. In fact, if you're not familiar with the book, I recommend this frequently, the book, The Hoffman process. By the way, all the books I recommend, there's a link below. I recommend this book so you can get into a deep dive into healing your child in wounds and traumas that causes an individual to be rather broken. And again, I don't like the term broken, I merely mean it in the venue of not at the moment whole, not at the moment capable of leaning into a significant serious relationship that is based on partnership. Now folks, I need to be clear with everyone watching me right now. I only work with people who are seeking partnership in their life, not casual relationships, not situationships, not friends with benefits, not cyber relationships, partnerships. To me, a partnership is either getting married or living together, or at least having enough of a significant relationship where you're spending on average three or four days and nights a week together, doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills both in your personal and your professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy. Those, that's the client tell that I work with. Women I work with want that. If you're the type of woman that wants that and you need some help deciphering these red flags, schedule a free discovery call with me, there's a link right there, there's a link below. This in this discovery call, you're talking directly to me and we'll see if working with a coach is right for you. My job is to teach you how to vet for emotional maturity, how to spot these red flags all based on your personality. And more importantly, is he genuinely capable and compatible with you? And if you don't ask the right questions in the early stages, you might find yourself investing in time with a man who's broken. And again, I speak to this because I was this guy. Ladies, part of what makes me unique as a coach, I have many contemporaries, great guys. They got married in their 30s. They're happily married right now. They give advice from that perspective. There's even a young British guy who just got engaged. These are really good coaches. How I differ, I think what makes me different is I've been through divorce court, family court, alimony, child support, visitation rights. I'm dealing with erectile dysfunction. I'm dealing with elderly parents in assisted living or a parent who passed away. I've dealt with losing a child. Many of you know I lost my son some years ago. I'm familiar with women who go through menopause. I'm talking about, I personally know these things. And in addition, I've had to deal with the swipe dating environment and the whole online dating environment. And thankfully I met my beloved, there she is right there, through a dating site, match.com to be specific. So I understand the emotional effects that men go through, especially as a broken man. And as I said earlier, I was broken for about a decade. Now where my brokenness laid, lied, what's the right term? Was mostly my dysfunctionality. And I'm gonna share these red flags, but mine was really, and it's important you understand this, my life was a mess. I had just lost my quarter million dollar a year job. I was addicted to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain of losing my job, going through this contentious divorce, not being able to be a good parent to my children. I was dealing with the emotional effects of divorce, but also the emotional effects of losing a significant, my identity and my professional life. And folks, it takes time for a man to truly heal when he's going through those kind of emotional effects. And I'll share with you later some six qualities you should look for in a man before you genuinely give your heart to someone. Okay, so let's talk about those big red flags, those five red flags you should be looking for beside the fact that his life is a mess, like mine was. Number one, if they can't have something, they complain about it. If they can't have something, they complain about it. People who are broken oftentimes are victim, have victim consciousness, they have a personality where they complain. So let me give you an example of how this might look. Let's take travel, for example. My beloved loves to travel, but I want you to imagine that a man is broken and he's suffering financially, he's a mess. And you like to travel and he goes, oh, traveling, those are for people who are aristocrats. Those are for arrogant type of people. The only type of people that travel are bored with their lives. In other words, they view what they can't have in such a way that they literally have to knock it down because they can't have something. Have you experienced this before? It might be an automobile that they want. It might be clothing, it might be, I said travel, what else might be? A home, whatever it is. They find a way to complain about the things that they don't have in their life. That's usually a sign of someone who's dealing with some level of emotional trauma if they view the world from a negative point of view or they view it from a victim consciousness. And sadly here in the United States, we are suckling on the nipple of victim consciousness. And it's rather sad. So that's one sign. Does anyone experience this? Please post a comment. All right, number two, everyone else is wrong. Everyone else is wrong. These are people that literally can't take ownership for their lot in life. They can't take ownership for what went wrong in their relationships. They can't take ownership in what wrong in their professional life. Certainly, when I was a broken man, I did complain about my company. I complained about my boss. I didn't take ownership in my part that caused the ending. And I do feel like I was unfairly treated, but you know what? By the way, it was a blessing. I wouldn't be doing this today if it wasn't for that. So I see it as a blessing, but I'm also here to say that people that are broken, oftentimes everybody else, everything else is wrong. They're never wrong. We also talk about this in the narcissistic point of view. And I'm not specifically gearing this towards narcissists. I'm just saying someone who doesn't take ownership in their part, oftentimes is because they're broken in that moment, okay? Number two, or number three, excuse me. Number three, he still lives in the past. He still lives in the past. In other words, basically it's where, I was just thinking of the movie. What was that Dennis Quaid movie where he was a football player and he was a top collegiate football player and went on to play pros. And this is, I forget who the woman was in the movie, but basically lived in the past. A lot of people who are broken, remember how things were as an avoidance mechanism to lean into where they're at today in their life. So people who live in the past, sometimes people can be stuck in the past because of a wounding, but they actually live in the past because they can't deal with their current present of what they're experiencing in their life. It's too traumatic in many cases, makes it very difficult to lean into a relationship with someone who lives in the past. I've witnessed women who do this, so this isn't singular to men, okay? Number four, they withhold investing in the present relationship. They withhold investing in the present relationship. Just like the person who lives in the past, many men are stuck in their past relationships, especially men who feel that they were wronged by their, particularly their wife or their most significant relationship and they were still very much in love with that person. Those people oftentimes aren't giving into the new relationship because they're holding on to their past relationship. They're incapable of giving to a new relationship. This is why I said in my private coaching, by the way, again, schedule a discovery call with me to learn if working with a coach is right for you. One of the things I do is based on your personality, I teach you the types of questions you should be asking to determine whether or not he's a good fit for you in all facets of your life. And this happens to be one of the key areas to determine because his past relationships will give you insight into how he'll navigate this potential new relationship in your life, okay? All right, and five, and lastly, number five. Oh, epic and seamless mood swings. Epic and seamless mood swings. I was, it was interesting. We saw when we were getting on the airplane last night, we saw a husband and wife and immediately we were talking really nice and all of a sudden I could see this man just get riled up over nothing. He just had this amazing swing in his mood and it was epic and they were sitting, standing right behind us and they were getting into a knock down drag out fight. And I thought a person who is emotionally unstable flips on the dime. Now, I'm not suggesting that that might not have some medical issues behind it. I have no idea. All I know is people that have epic or constant mood swings, and I've seen this, are usually a sign that someone is rather broken at this point in their life. So now I wanna share with you what you might want to consider going forward. And I took an excerpt from the book from Marianne, from Barbara DeAngelis called, Are You the One for Me? I hope I took a copy of it because I was, yeah. So by the way, there's a link below to all the books I recommend. Also, you should be checking out my book, What the Heck Is Self-Love Anyway? A Journey of Personal Development, Self-Help and Spiritual Work. There's a link below to get the book. I highly recommend you checking this out. These are six qualities to look for in a partner. This is what you should be looking for. You already know the red flags. What you should be looking for is commitment to personal growth, commitment to some introspective work. That's a great sign that those are good qualities to look for in a partner. Number two, their emotional openness. Are they open emotionally, or do they continually block the capacity to share their feelings with you and they dismiss your feelings when you share feelings? Number three, a legality level of integrity. As we said before, if some of those red flags we just talked about, integrity is taking ownership in your part of an ending of a relationship and people that are out of integrity. Maybe they cheat on their taxes. Maybe they cheat on the Amazon delivery. You know, whatever it is, maybe they cheat on, and I say cheat, I'm using that as an example. That's funny. I had ordered some clothes through Nordstroms and I called them and I said I never got it. It turns out it was sitting in my closet somehow it got my girlfriend brought it in, forgot to mention it to me and I called later and I called them back when she told me and after they gave me the credit I called back and I wanted them to charge my account. That's a level of integrity that I think you should be looking for in a partner. Number four, maturity and responsibility. Do they take care of their responsibilities? Do they act in a mature manner? Do they also, number five, have high self-esteem? And lastly, do they have a positive attitude towards life? These are some of the things you should be looking for in the early stages. But Jonathan, I'm just supposed to sit back in my feminine energy and let a man lead. Folks, many of you have been indoctrinated in the belief that romance equals relationship success. Romance should be reserved for those people who are in a relationship, not as a way for a man to get in your pants. And why I'm saying this is it's incumbent upon you right now, as you're listening to this right now is to recognize that we are dealing with a population of human beings who are rather dysfunctional and worse some of them are rather broken. You have to almost be a pessimist. And I'm not suggesting be a pessimist or an alarmist because that's the way I'm coming across as pessimistic or alarmist. I'm coming across here to say a good person who's capable of leaning into a relationship is the exception and not the rule. So you have to go in with a bit of understanding that they have to earn the capacity to have your heart. So you don't need to sleep with a guy early on to earn his heart. You just need to be yourself. But it's your job to determine is he capable of giving his heart? And this is why I suggest heed these calls as a way to protect, not protect yourself, prepare yourself because when you are better prepared you will have a greater chance of attracting a person who's capable of leaning into a healthy, happy relationship. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know, post a comment below. Post something in the chat box so I know this is resonating with you. All right, I think this will be a great place to start our Q and A today. If you have a question to ask, simply write the word question then post the question thereafter or you can purchase a super sticker, super chat or you can now join and get a badge. So if you join my membership program here on YouTube you can get a badge and it's only $2.99 enough and I look for those in the chat box. So really quickly, you have a question, write the word question and then post the question thereafter or purchase a super sticker, super chat. All the monies from the super sticker, super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's a picture of him right there. That's my son who passed away a few years ago and in his honor I've started a scholarship fund. So you can just click the little dollar sign in the chat box to purchase a super sticker, super chat. If you're watching the replay, you can purchase a super thanks. All right, let's see what you got in store for us question-wise. I saw one earlier. Let's go swim and let's go swim and let's go swim. Oh, here we go. Power of Chi writes, Jonathan Asley question. Have you heard about that relationship guru named Derek Janix? He's a serial cheater that drove his wife insane, literally with all the cheating and gaslighting. I have heard of him. I cannot comment on him, but I have heard of him. Yes, I have. Kate Hudson or Kate Hudson says, just got out of a relationship with a broken spender. These are people that will spend your time without investing in it. All right, let's see what questions we have. Here we go from Dana. Question, is it possible to fix a broken man or is it has to be him to fix himself? I love this question. Ladies, I know you have beautiful hearts and you see the good in somebody. You can't fix somebody who's broken. You can't. They can only fix themselves. Folks, I shared with you, I was broken. During that time I was broken. I got addicted to drugs and alcohol. I was taking cocaine to numb the pain I was feeling. And it took a humbling event for me. I literally hit such rock bottom and I thought, my children, I reached a point where I went to bed wishing I didn't wanna wake up. And I thought to myself, my children don't deserve a father who wants to basically not end my life. I just didn't wanna live, okay? And it took a humbling event for me to turn it around. And then it took me another half a decade to turn it around. So my downfall took 10 years and it took me another five years to change from that. If you're not familiar with the work of Allison Armstrong, she calls this men going through the tunnel, the tunnel. See if I can find her book. Where is her book? Oh, where is her book? I know I have it here somewhere. Oh, the queen's, where is it? Oh, here it is, the queen's book. Allison Armstrong, she talks about this called the tunnel. By the way, there's a copy of all the books I recommend here. The tunnel men go through. This is also Joseph Campbell's work called the hero's journey, the hero's journey. All men and women go through some level of a hero's journey. So it's not your job to fix them, it's their job to fix themselves. So thank you so much for asking that question. I really appreciate it. Tamara says, men seem more complicated than women to me. Well, I think women are incredibly complicated. But yes, I could see how your point of view, that would be the case. Power, oh, power of chi rights. Well, that broken man ain't going through my tunnel. Exactly. And as Margaret says, yes, the hero's journey. If you're not familiar with Joseph Campbell's work, I highly recommend guling the hero's journey. Question, how do you fix yourself if you're broken? Yes, great question. My book, the what, let the heck of self love anyway, a journey of personal development, self up in spiritual work. Listen, my book is literally riddled with suggestions, but more importantly, all of the, all, here, I want you to look at this. Recommended reading studies, teachers and workshops. There's two pages worth. It starts with one of the, these in order that I did it. I started with the book, You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. I have creative visualization by Shakti Gwani. The movie, the secret, the movie, what the bleep? The book, Return to Love by Marianne Williamson, the book for the four agreements. Unleash the Power, workshops with Tony Robbins, Untethered Soul by Michael Singer, Wayne Dyer Videos, Abraham Hicks, the Carpal Drama Triangle, Cartman Drama Triangle, The Mankind Project, Reverend Michael Beckwith, The Hoffman Process, Insights Seminars, and Of Course In Miracles. This is all my recommended reading list. My hope is you have the power within yourself and within one year, you can change your life dramatically if you invest in yourself. So great question, thank you so much. All right. Rula says, Rula says, question, what to do with a broken man that constantly ghost and comes back at his women fancies? Block his number. It's as simple as that, block his number. That's what you do. But Jonathan, I love him so much and I want to accept all his shitty behavior. I'm willing to take on more and more shitty behavior. What do I do? Folks, if that's a no-brainer, if you don't recognize that if somebody treats you poorly and you still want more, that means therapy. Please go see a qualified therapist because your life most likely had some trauma and childhood that causes you to accept bad behavior. Don't accept bad behavior. Block that person. Does everyone else agree with me on what my suggestion is, Ms. Bose? Thank you so much for asking. Kay says, I just gave a man, thank you, Jonathan. I just gave a broken man your book. I hope it helps him. Marty writes, question, why do avoidant men continue to reach out and say they want in and then show you they don't? Because most men, look at, okay, great question. Why don't you look at this chart? Three types of people actively dating. The first category is the user. This is roughly 20, by the way, this is not a fact, it's merely an opinion. Those are roughly 20% of the population. They seek short-term game, love bombers, players, gold diggers, entitled selfish people, only caring about themselves. Then the next category is the spenders. They seek connection, companionship and sex, no direction, uncertainty, fearful, usually have a dysfunctional life and last are the builders and growers. And by the way, the spenders make up 60%. Okay, we are dealing with roughly 80% of the population, if not more, that is dysfunctional and this isn't just men, this is women too. This is what we're dealing with. Men and women like are dealing with dysfunctionality. So why do avoidant men do this? Because they're not capable of commitment. Folks, if you know what, I'm gonna go off on a tangent here for a second. My beloved told me that her parents got married after two weeks of knowing each other, 12 days. They were married 60 plus years before her father passed away. How is it that they barely knew each other and they were able to be together that long? Now, I don't know the backstory of their actual story from their point of view. I only know what was shared to me by her. But it fascinates, it seems to me that ladies, these days men can get companionship, connection and sex with little or no commitment, little or no commitment. This is why ladies, before the penis goes inside the vagina, I highly recommend reading the book, The Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman. Chapter, at least read chapter one about trust and commitment. Because trust isn't just about fidelity. Trust is, can you count on this person to be there for you? Can you count on this person to care about your feelings as much as your own? Can you count on this person to have your best interest at hand? Do you know how easy it is? We men can get, you know what? Okay, I get it. We live in a world where there's no consequences. A man can emotionally vomit on you. A man can be emotionally constipated and vomit on you and you can get attached to that person and there's no consequence for that. I get it. Wait a minute, it's the woman who emotionally vomits. It's the man who promises the world romance you without any consequence. If he renegs on it, there's no consequence. That's why marriage is the consequence. Marriage is there. There's a reason why staying married is better because there's a financial consequence. If you don't act, now I know a lot of men will say, well, women can be just as bad too. Yeah, but you shouldn't. Okay, I'm going off on a tangent here but the reality of today, if there isn't a real consequence for the investment then people can treat each other like shit. Anyway, I went off on a tangent. I hope I answered your question. But my suggestion, why do men do that? Because of dysfunctionality, that's why. Gina writes, question, how long can I wait for him to have his emotion to be emotionally ready? You never wait for a man to be ready. You choose men who are emotionally ready. I have dozens and dozens of videos. Go through my video library of how to tell when a man is emotionally ready. I just shared with you the six things you should be looking for. Commitment to personal growth, emotional openness, integrity, maturity, responsibility, high self-esteem and positive attitude towards life. That's what you should be looking for before the penis goes inside the vagina. All right, Misty writes, question. Is it possible that I'm rejecting men prior to giving them a fair chance? I tend to not give them a third chance. I do give a second chance. I'm weeding out potentials too quickly. What's the old saying? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times. That's called what's the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. No, you're not. Okay, it depends on what we're talking about. Did he miss a phone call by five minutes? Okay, we have to talk about the level of what his, not in discretion, his, it depends on what he did. Did he miss a date? Did he miss a phone call? Or is he continually, continually his actions don't match his words, okay? Sure, we all can have a bad day and something can happen, but my suggestion, if it's happening too frequently, move on. All right, I wanna thank Kay for the $10 super sticker. Thank you so much for the Conor Asley Scholarship Fund. I really appreciate it. Margaret says, don't take any bullshit. I agree. How long to wait? How long can I wait for an emotionally ready man? Forever. That's how long you can wait. You can wait forever. Again, the definition of insanity. Leaf says, this goes back to the previous question. This is great content and Vice Jonathan appreciated. I blocked a no-brainer. Got it. Rose writes, question. What if he shows green flags, but never mentioned commitment? My gut feels there's a red flag, but I could be a broken, I could be the broken one. Okay, well, if you're the broken one, take a break from dating. Listen, men, listen. 90% of men out there actively dating, they want the cat, well, they want the milk. What's the expression, why buy the cow? Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free? Okay, I know some of you might be offended by that, but the point of that expression is, men don't have to make much of a commitment to get laid. Maybe making them work for it, really work for it before that happens. Invest time doing things together, research the hell out of the person, Google the fuck out of the person, do a background check on a person before you ever have sex with someone. Find out who his family and friends are, meet these people. Because the reality is, is we're meeting total strangers. If you're not familiar with the book by Malcolm Gladwell, called Talking to Strangers, not that this is a dating and relationship book, but we are dealing with strangers that we know nothing about. By the way, there's a link to get all the books I recommend. It's very difficult to actually know who we're dealing with. We have to do, like with at least with my beloved and I, we laid our cards on the table. We unpacked our entire lives before we agreed to explore a relationship with each other. We invested, in fact, three days straight, 12 hours a day just vomiting at this stuff. And I say vomiting, but we just wanted to listen. We were willing to walk away if it wasn't a good fit, but we were also intentional about determining if we were a good fit before, and we had nothing to lose. We weren't attached to the outcome. Sadly, many of you, the many you have sex, you're attached to the outcome with the guy. There's an old expression. Men are the gas and women are the brakes. All right, I think you get to just to where I'm going. Thank you, Rose, for that question. Jonathan's dating vows will weed out the broken men. Okay, folks, she brought it up. By the way, in the description below is a copy of this, everybody. Everybody, the description below, there's a copy of this. I'm gonna read it to everyone. It's called my dating vows. Get him to commit before sleeping together. Have you ever heard the saying, women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of commitment? The dating vow. You each recite this to each other before you have sex with one another. I agree to explore the process of getting to know you with the intent to declare something serious in the next three to six months. I agree to be monogamous sexually while we're having regular sex together. I agree to not actively seek to meet and date others while we're in the dating process, including taking down our dating profiles. I agree to speak up if this isn't working for me versus pulling back, ghosting or disappearing. I agree to invest regular time in the process of getting to know you, which looks like this, three or four days and nights a week together, doing shared activities and hobbies, mutual interest, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in our personal and our professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together or getting married. 90% of men will bail on this because there are thousands and thousands of women who will have sex without any commitment or agreement whatsoever. If all women are banned together going forward, this will change how men treat and view sex, but in the meantime, if he does agree, you have a better chance of commitment than without it. Look, I'm not here to be a Puritan and say, when you have sex, I'm just here to suggest that men don't bond through sex the way women do most of the time. And you can have sex whenever you want, but let me just ask you this. If you have sex with one guy and another guy and another guy and another guy and another guy and another guy, you'll be desensitized, I believe, to recognizing the serious guy because you've been so used to the guys that go from one to the next to the next. Set a higher standard for yourself as my invitation. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know, post a comment below. Thank you for bringing that up, Kay. All right, let's keep swimming. Gina, I did answer your question, so there we go. Let's see. Jonathan, shattered or fragmented might be a better definition. Good choice of words. Thank you for clarifying that for me. I really appreciate it. Marty says, I love it when you say before the penis goes inside the vagina. Thank you so much. Leaf says, good one, Jonathan. Don't wait for a man to be emotionally ready. Choose one who already is, exactly. Christina says, spot on. Thank you so much. Hey, we got a $20 Super Sticker. Thank you so much. Or Frank or Lyra or whatever that is. Thank you so much, appreciate it. Rula says, I'm embarrassed to admit it. I can't get over my past relationship. It's hard to move on. I watched your videos religiously and even started eight dates. What's your formula in getting over a man once and for all? Block and delete him. They say time heals all wounds and there is some general truth to that, but I'm also loving on yourself is the greatest gift you can give yourself. Folks, I occasionally recommend the book. Where is it? I recommend, I don't love everything in this book, but there's some things I like about this and it's a personal empowerment book why men love bitches and bitch stands for babe in total control of herself, yes. I like some of the empowerment levels in this book. Your attitude should be, fuck you asshole. Now that's not the spiritual way of looking at it. I get it. The point is, if he was not good for you, you can send him off with love. I get it, you can send him off with love, but stand up for yourself. There is nothing more unattractive than a woman who gives her power away. I wonder if I have this handy here. Everyone, hold on one second. Do I have it handy? I do not. I was gonna say, I did a video on the ways women give their power away to men, everyone hang tight for just a second. I wanna see if I have it over here, okay? Everyone hang tight for a second. Just a second, I guess I don't. My apologies, I thought I had it handy. I thought I had it handy. Okay, my apologies, everyone. However, here's the thing. I did a video, the seven ways women give their power away. I'll find it and put it a link in below, okay? Women oftentimes give their power away to men and it's incumbent upon you to take your power back. You are in charge of your relationship, Destiny. Do not give that to a man. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. Oh, Bernadette Jackson says, I'm a newcomer here and I love it already. Thank you so much. All right, let's see what we have. Let's keep swimming. Let's keep. Sex, no sex without commitment for me. Way to go. Kate Hudson says, I love the vows, but I can't spend those many days a week. Well, here's the thing, folks. The reality is, part-time relationships usually fizzle out. It's hard enough for, the relationships that I've witnessed that go to the distance are the ones that on average, on average, spend three or four days a night a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in their personal and professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy, that leads to either moving in together, moving in together, getting married. If you can, it takes, on average, that's the minimum requirement to make a relationship move to the capacity to actually either live together or get married. If you wanna get married someday, then you have the capacity to spend that much time with someone. But Jonathan, I'm in a long distance and we only see each other once every other year and he lives in Germany and I live in California and we're trying to make it work and we spend all day on Zoom and we're on Zoom and we're on Zoom and we're on Zoom and it's a great relationship. No, it's not. You have a cyber relationship then. I'm sorry, I went off on a tangent there. Folks, if you want, it's gonna require regular time together. Look it, I was in a long distance relationship. We both agreed. If we wanted to explore this relationship, we would have to be in the same city. We made that decision literally within the first two months and two months later, the reality was or it took us five months before we actually moved in together. We said the relationship isn't gonna work if this isn't gonna happen. Folks, look it, we have one of you regulars thinks my girlfriend is gonna turn into Amber Heard and I'm gonna tell you, she's not Amber Heard, okay? I can tell she's not Amber Heard. We've spent all day together 24-7 and she is not Amber Heard, okay? By the way, that's unfair to Amber Heard but maybe she earned that, right? I don't know. Anyway, my point is the best way to get to know someone is to spend a lot of regular time with them. That's how you get to know someone. They say you really don't know someone until you travel together or live together and that's what we're doing right now. All right, that's my pontificating. Ah, let's see. She says, I love it. But Jonathan, I know I always get the butt Jonathan. Jonathan, great advice. Thank you so much. Jennifer says, I don't want a part-time lover. The vast majority of you all are in part-time relationships. You're in part-time relationships. Look at, folks, I want you to think of the relationship hierarchy. At the top is marriage. Right below marriage is living together. Right below that is three or four days and nights a week together. At the bottom of the relationship hierarchy are cyber relationships. A lot of people in long distance relationships are really have a cyber relationships. A lot of you folks that even live in the same city, all you do is spend it on your phones. That's a cyber relationship. This is the bottom of the list. Above that is friends with benefits. Yeah, friends with benefits. A lot of times you're in a friend with benefit relationship but you don't realize it, that you are. Right above that is called situationship. These are the relationships where you have no idea what there's no label to the relationship. There's no direction to the relationship. There's no idea of whether or not this person is even capable of relationship. But his penis gets to go into your vagina regularly. Then everything in between are casual relationships and there's the gamut of casual relationships. I would say these days, those folks who are single, or excuse me, folks that are in their 40s and above who are not living together, not married and not spending three or four days and nights a week together are in casual relationships. And that's 90% of the relationships out there and 90% of those relationships will never go anywhere. This is why I suggest hiring me as a coach so you can learn if you're wasting the time with the wrong guy and how to attract the right guy. Much quicker, check out the link below to a discovery call with me. Hey, we've got another super sticker. I wanna thank Ms. Hudson. Thank you so much. Giving you a big, gigantic job than a bare hug of appreciation. Question, did I miss your Las Vegas trip? How did my Las Vegas trip went? It went fantastic. I briefly mentioned we were with four other couples celebrating someone's 60th birthday. It was a fantastic time. You know, my girlfriend and I, we witnessed, I shared two, there was two incidences at the airport. There was a couple that I saw at the airport that got into a fight over the stupidest thing. And she and I both looked at each other and we're like, we already know that we handle conflicts with relatively ease. We handle, if you're not familiar with the book, I recommend this book, two books. One is making your second marriage a first class success. Whether you wanna get married or not, I highly recommend this book. But there's another book by a pastor, Calvin, called Marriage Ain't for Puncts. Why I'm recommending these two books is they, and it's, by the way, there's a link below. They are highly focused on conflict resolution skills. The real issue in today's relationships is most couples don't know how to resolve conflicts. So my invitation for you is to lean into understanding the mechanics to a healthy after-relationship before you jump into a relationship with someone that you have no idea. Most of you guys are winging it. You're winging it and guys are worse. And you want them to be the leaders of the relationship? You are giving the job to the wrong person. If you wanna take back your life, your relationship life, then be in charge of your relationship destiny. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. Please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel. Check out all the links below. All right, folks, I think this would be a great place to wrap up today. I wanna thank you from the bottom of my heart for allowing me to enter your lives today and sharing what I believe is important content to change your life starting from the inside out and recognize that you are in charge of your relationship, destiny, not the guy. All right, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barak of self-love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm asking you to turn to someone, a pet, Teddy Barapillo. Give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank, I wanna thank Holly and Rose and Jennifer and Marty and Pam and Yvonne and Leif and Jo-Ann, Catherine and Miss Johns and Pam and Linda and I can't pronounce your name, Power of Chee. Dana, I can't pronounce your name, Reb, Margaret. Yvonne, everyone, thank you so much for allowing me to chump in the night. You have a wonderful evening, be well, okay? And I hope you recommend my channel to your friends. Thank you so much.