 Hi, Psych2Goers, and welcome back to another brand new video. Have you ever thought you were going crazy? Do you struggle with expressing your emotions or properly trusting others? Does it feel like everyone else hasn't figured out but you? It can be easy to blame yourself for your shortcomings, but how you are raised also plays a role in who you grow up to be and how you handle your emotions. Your experiences throughout your personal upbringing have far-reaching effects on your life. By taking an honest look at how your parents treated you, your sibling relationships, and your family dynamics as a whole, you can spot the signs of toxicity that were present, but you are unaware of at the time. If you relate to any of these six signs, you're not crazy. It's your upbringing. Number one, conditional love. Does it feel like your parents only treat you well when you're successful? They may shower you with love and affection when it's convenient for them, but the second something goes wrong, they treat you like a disappointment and all that love and affection goes away. When someone loves you with conditions, it means that they put terms, restrictions, or rules on how they give you their love. When those conditions weren't met, your parents may have retaliated with verbal abuse or doled out the silent treatment. In extreme cases, they may have responded with physical abuse. This can lead you to think that you have to earn another person's love and you may be a chronic people pleaser or are more easily taken advantage of. So if you relate to this point, you're not crazy. It's your parents conditional type of love that contributes to many misconceptions you may have about it. Just try to remember that real love is truly unconditional and you don't have to earn anything to be worthy of it. Number two, guilt tripping. Do your parents constantly use phrases like, if you really care about me, you'd, or, I've done so much for you and this is how you repay me. When parents guilt trip their children into doing things for them, it can lead to certain misconceptions about love and that it has to be repaid. You may have formed the idea that kindness always comes with strings or struggle with feelings like you're a burden on others, including your family. Demanding respect is not something your mom or dad should hold over your head. If you struggle with accepting kindness and trusting others, you're not broken or crazy. It's likely a result of being guilt tripped as a child. Number three, taking accountability. When your parents argue with you, do they ever admit that they were at fault or sincerely apologize to you? Do they ever take accountability for themselves and how they've treated you? Some parents struggle to admit when they're at fault, especially as you are younger than them. They may feel prideful and not want to bruise their ego or think you're being disrespectful if you try and challenge them. Whether good or bad, your parents are one of your biggest influences in role models you had growing up. If they always struggle to admit to any wrongdoings, you may have internalized that as how people in positions of power should act towards you. You accepted that when in a power balance, the person in power didn't have to take accountability for their actions. You might struggle with admitting fault, taking responsibility for your words and actions or feeling too prideful yourself. Number four, the comparison game. When you were growing up, did your parents use phrases of comparison like, why can't you be more like, or when your sister was your age, they had accomplished this. Your parents are the ones who are supposed to love you and support you unconditionally. But if they said things like this to you throughout your childhood and frequently compared you to others, you may end up thinking, that's what all forms of love are like. You may find someone who is overly competitive, easily jealous of others and has low self-esteem. You may be resentful of your siblings and others who are seemingly more accomplished than you. If this describes you, know that accomplishments don't define your worth and that you are not broken. Number five, projecting flaws and insecurities. When your parents criticize you, does it ever sound like they're describing themselves? Did your parents seemingly project everything they disliked about themselves onto you? This could be a way to deflect and actively avoid their own flaws because they simply don't want to face them. When you're a kid, you don't realize that this is what your parents are doing and your self-esteem can be heavily affected when you're viewed through such a critical lens. You may be experiencing feelings of self-loathing, anxiety or depression, but you are not your parents nor are you required to take on their flaws. You also have the power to let go and move on. And number six, over-controlling behavior. Does it feel as if your parents keep an eye on everything that you do? Are they always involved in your business, needing to know who you talk to, what you're wearing or where you're going? While parents have a natural instinct to protect their child, this instinct can be taken too far when it encroaches on your own privacy. You might feel suffocated by your parents and their over-controlling behavior. You might hide things from them so they won't find out or have rebelled against them in your teen years. Or maybe you stayed sheltered under your parents and are more easily taken advantage of. Over-controlling behavior is one of the biggest causes of strained relationships between parents and their children. So if you struggle with this as well, you're not crazy and it isn't your fault. Did you relate to any of these signs? If so, which one struck home with you the most? Sometimes your parents can be toxic and emotionally harmful towards you. They might not even know or realize they've treated you like this. And while they may have had good intentions, how your parents raised you does have significant effects on you. You don't have to blame yourself for feeling the negative effects of your upbringing. It's hard to internalize, but you are not broken, crazy, or unworthy of love. Please like and share this video if it helped you and anything it could help someone else too. The studies and references used are listed in the description below. Don't forget to hit the subscribe button for more Psych2Go videos and thank you for watching. We'll see you next time.