 J.P.F.F.O. The Jell-O program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Kenny Baker, and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens a program with rollerskating on a rainbow. You all know how a plain room can be brightened right up with a bowl full of vivid summer flowers. Well, a plain meal can be brightened up that same way with a mold full of gay shimmering Jell-O. Perhaps rich crimson strawberry Jell-O for right now at strawberry time, and a grand way to enjoy the fresh berries is to serve them with strawberry Jell-O. It's just as appetizing and delicious as the fresh fruit itself. It echoes that fragrant tempting goodness and makes a lovely picture to adorn a simple meal. A mold of strawberry Jell-O garnished with fresh berries. And all six delicious Jell-O flavors bring you this same refreshing taste, so cool and delightful, especially with hot weather on the way. Strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime. They're filled with extra rich flavor. They glow with cheerful, summery color. Just be sure to get genuine Jell-O and don't accept any substitutes. Look for those big red letters on the box. They spell Jell-O. Roller skating on a rainbow played by the orchestra. Now, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you our own movie star who has just finished another epic at Paramount and is nervously awaiting the preview, Jack Benny. Thank you, Hanko. Jell-O again, this is Jack Benny talking, and Don, I'm not a bit worried about the outcome of my latest green triumph, but you're wrong about one thing. The picture isn't finished yet. Oh, it isn't? No, we have another week to go. You see, I've been having some story trouble, and I don't want to mention any names, but after all, I'm the star of the picture, and there's a certain party that's having a little too much to do in it. And if this certain party... Well, our maestro isn't here yet, so if you're talking about Phil Harris, why don't you come out and say so? Because he's got 18 stool pigeons sitting right in back of me, and you know it. They're disguised as musicians. Look, Don, the way the picture ends now, Phil Harris wins the girl and marries her. Now, as long as I'm the star, don't you think I ought to win the girl? Well, Jack, there are several angles to consider. Now in the first place, Phil is much younger than you are. That's just the point. He's in no rush. But I've got to get rolling before it's too late, my dear. And another thing has come up, Mr. Hornblow, the producer, wants to use Rochester in the picture. Imagine Rochester, my butler, an actor. That's all I need. Well, Jack, I think it's a grand idea. I know, Don, but what'll they pay Rochester? Maybe $50 a week. By the time he gets $25 and I get $25, it's not worth it to me. What does it amount to? Well, tell me, Jack, does Rochester know about this offer yet? I think so. Yesterday, he went out and made a down payment on a gold two. Not only that, he's so lazy, he just had a sidecar built on the vacuum cleaner. Anyway, oh, hello, Kenny. Hello. What's the matter with you? Darn that Apple Machine out in the hall. What's wrong with the Apple Machine? Oh, I just put a nickel in and a worm came out. Oh, that's too bad. Somebody's going to hear about this outrage, believe me. Oh, Kenny, what's a nickel? Don't be such a little tightwad. Look who's talking. Where were we down before this big problem came up? Well, you were complaining about Phil getting the girl at the finish of your picture. Oh, yes. Well, that's what's holding up the story. And now I'm trying to get it changed. Trying to get what changed? Oh, hello, Mary. Say, Mary, you were over at Paramount when we rehearsed the ending of our picture. Do you think it's right for Phil to marry the girl when I'm the star? Of course not. You see? Phil ought to be the star. I don't mean that. Imagine Phil winning the girl. Why, he's not the marrying kind. Oh, I don't know about that. Why, Mary, you know very well that Phil is the type of fella that plays with a woman's emotions, toys with her affections, breaks her heart, and then when he's through, discards her like an old shoe. You know the way that kind of a guy treats women? Yes, and we love it. I know you do. That's the trouble with women. They don't appreciate a good man. I'm the rat type myself. Oh, sure, sure, a fine rodent. Anyway, getting back to my picture, the more I think about that ending, Don, the more I... Come in. Special delivery from Mary Livingston. Uh, here, boy, thanks. Oh, Jack, this letter's from Mama. How do you know? The man on the stamp is laughing. Oh. Read us your mother's letter, Mary. Yeah, I bet there's some hot news in it. What's the Ouija board of Plainfield got to say? Here it is. Plainfield, New Jersey, May 19th. My dear daughter, Mary. My, it's a scream already. Continue. Just a few lines to thank you for your nice letter and the big bottle of Perthian, which you sent me on Mother's Day. It's lovely, and I smell like anything. She would pour the whole bottle on. Father's Day will be here in a couple of weeks, and Papa wants me to remind you that he needs a right sock. A right sock? Does he need a left one, too? Yeah, but Papa hates to impose on me. Oh, that's very sweet of him. Your sister Ethel and her husband are back from their honeymoon, but we think she needs new glasses. As we are quite positive, this is not the same man she left with. My goodness, they ought to find out. Doesn't it so? The happy couple are going to live with us until your brother-in-law can find a job. This may take some time, as he is an Indian scout by trade. Find prospects there. Oh, I must tell you, we went to New York the other day to see the World's Fair, and was it crowded? I lost your father in Japan and found him in General Motors. Well, that was quite a trip there. The attractions are simply marvelous. They have a big water show there with a hundred beautiful bathing girls, so I lost your father again. Well, I don't blame them. Quiet. No other news at present except your uncle Herman, who was learning to fly, dropped in the house the other day. We'll write you again next week. Meanwhile, if this letter is a smash hit, please have Jack send me a check. Mary, I don't ask you to read them. Uh, regards to all your loving mother on the beam Livingston. She always has to get cute when she signs her name. Well, let's get on with the program. Hey, Kenny, if you can forget about your great financial loss in the Apple machine, how about doing a song? Don't get fresh or I won't sing at all. What? What did you say? I said, if you want a nice, fresh song, I'll sing it all. Oh, I misunderstood you. Go ahead. Those nursery love for baby is sailing Sailing for a dream like the Sandman's calling, though But please don't sail too far Little crew, good night and pleasantry Little man, you're crying Someone took your kitty car away And to go to sleep now Had a busy day Johnny won your marbles Tell you what we'll do Dad will buy you new ones right away So should be dreap Had a busy day Good night and pleasantry There was little skipper sung by Kenny Baker, which he did very well. That was really excellent. Darn that Apple machine. Kenny, stop worrying about it. It'll make you any happier. I'll take a nickel out of my pocket and give it to you right now. Shall I phone the newsreels? That won't be necessary. I just hate to see a kid like that be so cheap. Well, you're as bad as he is. Every time you give a waitress a little dime tip, you hold her hand for half an hour. Now, wait a minute, Mary. Now, wait a minute, let me ask you something. Did you personally ever see me hold a waitress's hand? Yes. And now, folks, for our feature attraction tonight, we will continue with. Yes, I did. All right, you answered me. For our feature attraction tonight, we will continue with the second and final episode of, oh, hello, Phil. Hiya, Jackson. Were you worried about me? Well, I wasn't exactly worried, Phil, but I thought it'd be kind of nice if you dropped in some time during our program and made a stab at earning your salary. Of course, I realize now that you're in the cinema, your radio career means very little to you. Are you still beefing about the picture? No, I'm not beefing. Why, Jack, I wouldn't even be in the picture if it weren't for you. You asked me to be in it. Phil, I asked you to be in one short scene at the opening. I didn't expect you to stay for eight reels. You move in like a relative. Oh, I haven't got so much to do in the picture. You haven't. Well, even in that big fog scene in London, where you're not supposed to see anybody, you have to walk around wearing a neon hat. But you know what really kills me? Here, I'm the star, and my stooge marries Dorothy Lamour. It doesn't make sense. But Jack, Dorothy wanted it that way. What do you mean? She said she doesn't like to do love scenes with you. Oh, she doesn't, eh? No, she claims you're too masculine. You're too rough. She says you're the brute type. Brute? No kidding. You mean, you mean Dorothy said that? Why, sure. She says that when it comes to love scenes, you're a regular caveman. Oh, why, she said that? Are you sure? Absolutely. Why, man, when you've got a girl in your arms, you don't know your own strength. Well, I have been eating my steaks pretty rare lately. And I guess that medicine ball hasn't hurt me any, but I, oh, so I'm a brute, eh? Some caveman. You couldn't find a muscle in a shore dinner. Oh, yes I could. Well, thanks for the information, Phil. Now I know I can change the finish of the picture. All I have to do is tell Dorothy that I'll watch myself a little. Well, let's get on with our show. As I said before, folks, we're going to continue with the second episode of our stirring drama. Gee, I can't get over Dorothy being afraid of me like that. The second episode of our, gee, I must remember that women are fragile and delicate. The second episode of our. Oh, yes, yes. The second episode of our stirring drama of military life in far away India. That sensational RKO screen achievement, Gangadine. Thank you, mouse face. Now, as last week, as last week, I will be Gangadine. Kenny will be Private Baker and Mary, you will be sort of a kippling again this week and recite the poem. OK, Hercules. Now, this will go on immediately after a number by. See who it is now. Well, gee whiz, how are you? So nice of you to call. What's new, kid? Yes? Yes? Who is it, Mary? Mr. Hornblow, it's for you. Give me that poem. What's new, kid? My producer. Hello, Mr. Hornblow. Yes? Well, look, Mr. Hornblow, I've been thinking about that Rochester matter, and I don't see how I can allow him to go in the picture. Well, sure, he'd be very good. But, I know, but, now look, Mr. Hornblow, I know, but, but, but. Ladies and gentlemen, while Jack is listening to Mr. Hornblow, let me remind you about our product, Jell-O. But. It has that extra-rich flavor. But, but. But it is not only economical and easy to make. But. It also comes in six delicious flavors, strawberry, raspberry, cherry. But, but. Orange, lemon, and lime. But, Mr. Hornblow. So look for the big red letters on the horn. I mean, blow. I mean, box. My goodness! Will you stop shouting down? I'm trying to talk. Now, I'll, uh, I'll tell you what I'll do, Mr. Hornblow. You can have Rochester in the picture on one condition. You've got to change the script so that I marry Dorothy Lamour. What? Oh, Mr. Hornblow. I'm sorry. Oh, Mr. Hornblow, I realize that, but I won't get her all black and blue. See, I'm an actor. I can restrain myself. Is it a deal? Okay, then Rochester goes in the picture. Goodbye. Can you imagine that fellow's Dorothy told Mr. Hornblow that I'm a caveman, too? Gee, it's all over the lot, you know? Well, Phil, oh boy, how about playing a number so we can get on with our sketch? I'll do nothing of the kind. Imagine taking me out of the finish of the picture. Now, don't worry. You'll be in that wedding scene, Phil. I'll fix it so you're a flower girl. Now, play before I slug you. You know my strength. Oh, that's right. Hit it, boys. The Ladies in Love played by Phil Harrison as orchestra. And now, Phil... Wait a minute, Jack. Wade, how'd you like it? Well, Phil, if I say it was good, it'll go to your head, and if I say it was bad, it'll start a routine. So let's just forget it. Oh, by the way, I forgot to tell you, in our play tonight, you're going to be the head of the Hindu bandits. In fact, you're a cutthroat, so just play it straight, you know? Okay. And now, ladies and gentlemen, for the final installment of Gunga Dean. As you may remember, last week, Gunga and Private Baker were sent to discover the hideout of the Hindu bandits. And as the scene ended, we left them both on the desert without food or water. Curtain. Music. Take it, Mary. Now, in India's desert land, where there's nothing but hot sand, we find our punch-drunk hero, Gunga Dean. Private Baker is there with him. They ain't got water. They ain't got rhythm. And the buzzards up above them sure look mean. So it's Dean, Dean, Dean. Take it, Jack. I'm running out of steam. Music. Oh. Oh, I don't think I can go on much longer, Baker. The desert's got me this time. Fourteen days on this burning sand without water. Fourteen days. You hear that, Baker? Fourteen days without water. What's the record? Nine days. It's held by a camel in Egypt. But we must carry on, Baker. We must carry on. Two weeks without food or drink. Two weeks on this infernal desert. Fourteen days under this burning, blistering sun. Well, we got a nice tan. I don't need a tan. I'm a Hindu. What a desolate place this desert is. How far away from everything. I'll bet even Mrs. Roosevelt has never been here. Come on, Baker. Let's make for those mountains right ahead of us. Chin up. Remember, we're Bengal Lancers. Hey, Baker, look. Here comes a camel with a man and a girl on it. Oh, yes. And look at that sign. Just married. Whoa. Hey, buddy, how far is it to Niagara Falls? 12,000 miles straight ahead. Well, we better hurry. Get the app, Abdul. Oh, so they're going to Niagara Falls, eh? Water. Water? That's what I want water. Hmm, there are those buzzards again. They're after us, Baker. They're after us. Yes, we must not let them get us. We've got a duty to perform, and by heaven we're going to do it. We must find a hot out of those banners or die, die like rats on this forsaken desert. Oh, I knew I should have taken that line. Look, look, Baker. Here we are at the foot of the mountains. I wonder if... I wonder if... Listen. What do you make of that, Baker? Catchy little thing, ain't it? Well, you know what that means? We've finally reached the hideout of the bandits. Now be quiet, and we'll sneak up on them. So they reached the place at last down by the mountain pass, and the bandits are alerting old-what-thugs. So let's listen to their boss, which is played by Phil Harross. Harross? As he tells his natives how to cut a rug. So it's rug, rug, rug. Take it, chief, you corny jitterbug. Now listen, men. We're going to Calabada's Bucca-Guba-Couche-Harami. Is that clear? Chubba-araca. To hear that, Baker? Chubba-araca. That means they're going to attack the Bengal Lancers at dawn. Gee, I thought I meant long time, no sea. That's Shukarika. Now be quiet. Listen, men, and get this straight. Zo-guy. Zo-guy. Zo-guy. Burn that sackie. Want some Lancers, money. Oh, yeah? Well, I never attack our regiment. I'm going to blow your bugle as a warning. And that's just what I'm going to do. Get hot, Gunga. One, two. Did you hear that, men? Where did that bugle come from? Sears and Roebuck. $1.98. Baker. There they are, men. Grab them. Wait a minute. We're captured. All right, quit jiving, men. I'll take care of these guys. Now look here, chief, we're not the fellas you want. You speak English, don't you? We're just a couple of wandering, harmless Hindus. A couple of magazine salesmen working our way through the desert. Please give us food and drink, and we'll be on our way. Wait a minute. If you're a magazine salesman, why have you got that horn around your neck? All right, then. I sell fish. Come on, Baker, let's go. Are we going to spy on the bandits first? Baker, spies, eh? I knew it. Take them to my temple, men. Your temple? Yes, there it is, that big white building over there. That's your bowl, no cover charge. Let's run, Baker. Grab them men. All right, all right. Now drag them inside. That's a fine way to get customers. Okay, we're coming. So they captured Gung and Baker and dragged him in the bowl. They couldn't see the floor show because they sat behind a pole. Now Gunger is from hunger, and his tongues are hanging out, and Baker's sitting with him. Oh, water. Water, where's the waiter? Well, how about it, Gunger? You might as well come clean. Are you going to tell us where your regimen is or not? No, no. I don't care what you do to me. I'm a Bengal Lancer, and I'll ever tell. Never. Oh, yeah, you talk, brother. Where's your regimen? I won't tell. I won't tell. Torture me, kill me. Put my lips are sealed. Mine are chapped. I don't want to die, Chief. I don't want to die. Give me some water. No, no. Not until you talk. I won't talk. I won't. All right, then I'm going to torture you as a human being has never been tortured before. What? You'll suffer. You'll squirm. You'll die a thousand deaths before I'm through. Oh, my goodness. Come on, men. Let's give it to him. We'll see whether he talks or not. Down in the medi, in the inter-50 pole, family inter-50, and a mama 50. Not that. Not that. No, no. Bride me with a hot iron. Throw me in the street. Water. Water. That's what I want. Water. Water. That's what I want. Water. Oh, I can't say that. I'll tell. I'll tell. I'll tell you to be. I'll tell. I'll tell. All right, gunga. Give us the information we want and you can go free. Okay, chief. Our wedgment is located about three miles south of Taltutta. Ootant misses. Come on, Baker. Let's go. Not in doing. Not in doing. I just ordered a twimp cocktail. I'll have one, too. Take it, Mary. So it's dween, dween, dween. Those itty-bitty fitties make who scream. So we bell to do and fade to. I can hardly blame who. Who's a better man than I am and I'm a girl. As that's so. Play, Phil. What is a baseball game to do with a fruit cocktail? Well, I'll tell you. If you've been sitting out in the hot sun watching a ball game all afternoon, you'll be mighty glad to start your dinner with a cool, refreshing fruit cocktail made with shimmering lime, jello, fresh oranges and grapefruit. And for dessert, it's delicious either way. And here's how to make it. Dissolve one package of lime, jello and one pint of hot water. Turn into a shallow pan and chill until firm. Then take a sharp knife and cut the jello into shiny little sea green cubes that are cool and tempting. Now, in individual sherbet glasses, arrange a layer of orange sections, add a layer of grapefruit sections and top it off with a layer of jello cubes. It's gay as a rainbow with oranges, grapefruit and shining green lime jello. And you can go for that real extra-rich fruit flavor which makes lime jello taste so good. So ask your grocer tomorrow for some lime jello and try this new fruit cocktail. This is the last number of the 34th program in the new jello series, and we will be with you again next Sunday night at the same time. Meanwhile, folks, be sure and listen in Tuesday night to We the People, sponsored by those two grand preparations for homemade ice cream, jello ice cream powder, and jello freezing mix. Mmm, water. Water. That's what I want. Water. You could use some soap and towels, too. Good night, folks. J.P.L.L. Oh! Today, the maker appears on the jello podcast and turns it over to the right production. This is the National Broadcasting Company.