 So what's the scary thing a man can do to use a woman? Well, since it's Halloween today, I've got my Halloween colors on and hopefully we can address this question What are the what is the scary thing a man can do to use a woman? I believe it's to unintentionally unintentionally hurt her unintentionally Unintentionally mislead her unintentionally see how I'm using the word unintentionally See, I think there's a vast majority of broken men out there That unintentionally hurt women. I think that's the scary thing that they can do they can unintentionally hurt women many of you know that it was reported that I mean it's truth now that Matthew Perry passed away the one of the actors on the show friends and Many people know that he had a very difficult life He had issues with drugs and alcohol and he was in a lot of emotional pain and I suspect because he was in an emotional pain he unintentionally hurt many people in their life more on an emotional level and then on probably a physical level and So why I'm relating this to the dating mating and relating realm is that I believe a significant percentage of men and women unintentionally hurt each other by being non-committal by their actions not matching their words by being disingenuous by being Probably overexaggerating what they desire in relationship. These are the many ways that we get hurt by another human being who is broken And how do I know this? Because folks I was rather broken after my divorce many of you know my story after my divorce I had lost my high-end corporate job I'm going through divorce lost my high-end corporate job And then there was the market crash of 2008 where I got wiped out financially I was in a very broken place in my life in that particular time of my life I resorted to with two drugs and alcohol to medicate the pain I was experiencing And another thing I did at this time is I was highly addicted to online dating Now they didn't have swipe apps back then, but they had dating sites like match.com okay, cupid plenty of fish JDate e harmony and I was addicted to the sites. I was addicted to communicating with women I was addicted to it Now it was the why it was brand new back then so it was relatively, you know because it was relatively new You know the amount of research that has been done since then in the last 15 20 years about within online dating I certainly suspect there's a lot of Studies done on how addictive The process can be of connecting with people at your fingertips See back in the old day you had to do it the old-fashioned way. You had to go to a bar Get a girl drunk to pick her up and hopefully get lucky. Okay I'm laughing because that's probably not a laughable offense But I'm saying this was the old days now With literally the swipe of a finger you can connect with another human being And sadly there are a lot of broken human beings out there Seeking connection because when I lost my corporate job when I got wiped out in the market crash And I'm going through this contentious divorce Drugs and alcohol was the way I navigated life I'm not proud of it. I'm just sharing it as an experience And sadly I misled women because I was misleading myself. Remember I said earlier unintentionally hurt someone unintentionally because it was more like I wanted to feel loved by another human being but I wasn't even capable Of loving another human being let alone loving myself See sadly we are we have a lot of hurt people And they hurt people unintentionally and particularly in the over 40 crowd Because roughly about 75 percent of singles who are over 45 years old are divorced and divorce comes with an incredibly traumatic event and I don't believe enough attention is is drawn to the Personal effects of going through a divorce Especially if it's a contentious divorce So you see we have a big problem here that isn't being Talked about it isn't being addressed And so a lot of times people seek that companionship that connection that sex that physical connection with another human being But they're incapable of actually going the distance and that's why somebody feels used And it hurts it sucks But shouldn't we be better stewards for ourselves shouldn't we be better? Detectives for ourselves shouldn't we ask better questions in the early stages and not just Believe that blindly that chemistry equals relationship success See this is the other problem within this narrative You know you can be naive all you want, but if you're watching my channel you have been educated We are swimming in a sea of emotional dysfunctionality And the pathway to happiness starts inward it starts inward by being more self reflective by healing Those wounds and traumas So you don't become a per so you're not a broken person going out to hurt Or unintentionally hurt another person I know it's scary out there. I know for many of you it is scary It's like you feel like winning the lottery. It's like trying to find a needle in the haystack All I do in my coaching is is teach you how to get out an electromagnet to attract that person Who's much like you? See we don't draw enough attention to the To the power of manifestation See since it's halloween and scary. Let's set a spell today. Let's set a spell. Let's set an intention that we attract in A juicy delicious healthy happy relationship and you go something like this god universe spirit I invite in a relationship a romantic relationship in my life where we have amazing chemistry with one another And the sex is actually really really really good and we like it regularly And I invite in that kind of communication where we can banter all night long and even when we have problems We can resolve them in a nonviolent way a non confrontational way. We resolve conflicts with ease And we share the same values and our lifestyles are blendable with one another and we have a vision of the future That's on the same path And we build the levels of Trust with one another through social activities hobbies mutual interests spending time with family and friends and traveling together And teamwork building skills both in our personal and our professional life And we're on the same page when it comes to money All these juicy delicious things and we are I invite that in god universe spirit See I want you to use your wicca powers. I want you to use your witch powers right now to manifest A healthy happy relationship in your life because it is absolutely doable But it starts from within you see if we act like a victim I got used See the title was just to get you to click, but I'm here to say You made a conscious choice to accept bad behavior from someone over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again But you expected different results I'm guilty of it. I have taken red flags and I have painted them green. I have painted red flags green I've done it It's human nature You see the thing is is How do we learn? We learn through our experiences we learn by By what we don't want and then we stick to our guns discipline doesn't care how you feel But i'm gonna tell you something I think we are the reason why there are so many broken people Is the number one emotional health issue most everybody is facing is i'm not good enough I'm not lovable and i'm not likeable This is why I wrote my book what the heck is self love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work There's a link below to get a copy of my book See we have a lot of people that are hurting on the inside. I don't believe Men intentionally use women. I don't That's the scary part in all this Because it's easier to act like a victim. This person hurt me. This person used me. Oh, I'm a martyr Now, let me not let me just say this. I am not invalidating anyone Who has been physically abused Truly verbally abused. I am not i'm not I'm not You know i'm not here blaming anyone or i'm not playing no Here's the thing you could actually have experienced that and you have a valid reason to feeling the way you did But it's living in that victim consciousness That isn't healthy for you. Yes, you experienced it. It's time to move on See when you can actually move on from a past relationship you invite in a healthy happy relationship in the future By the way, someone asked me what am I drinking? It's just lemonade I stopped drinking alcohol on my videos. I have a excuse the slurping by the way I have a propensity to kind of let's see. Wait a minute. I have a propensity to To squirrel and be random all over the place. So I don't think alcohol makes any difference But coming back to this there are a lot of people that are hurting on the inside Much like Matthew Perry. I know what it's like to feel like you've hit rock bottom I've been there And if it wasn't for rock bottom, I wouldn't have been able to be where i'm at today See when you can crawl yourself out of the pit of despair It actually hardens you in life Isha Allah Isha Allah it hardens me not that I want to be a hardened person But when you've experienced adversity, it's an opportunity to rise through the ashes much like the phoenix And my hope is i've experienced that for myself and you have too So Here's the thing I want to give I want to say this 97 percent of men. I don't believe I think most men are good guys They're just bad daters and some of them Maybe a big percentage of them are rather wounded and broken. How can you tell they're broken? They're going through a contentious divorce Maybe they've got issues at work. Maybe they have issues with their children that are severe And when I use the word broken, I just mean that they're hurting on the inside Maybe they have health issues. This is very common for a significant percentage of the population So i'm here to say we can judge this as bad Or we can step into our power and say you know what I have compassion for most everybody. I have compassion See I invite you all to write this down. Can someone write this in the chat box going forward I'd like to invite you to say the following words What would love do what would love do what would love do question mark What I mean to say is whenever you're faced with a challenge in your life ask yourself, what would love do How would love respond? See when you come from a heart center place of love and this is not to be a doormat Okay, this isn't about being a doormat. It's just how would loving yourself and loving others Benefit you whenever you're faced with a challenge See we can be victims or we can be victors in life, and I'm here to say Most humans don't intentionally hurt or use other people It's oftentimes because they're truly hurting themselves and that's all I wanted to draw attention To everyone is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know All right, if it is I'd like to hear your thoughts post a comment below If you found value in this I this conversation, please hit that like button Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos All right, it's time for q&a. It's halloween right now if you have a question Write the word question there post the question there after or you can purchase a super sticker super chat There's a little dollar sign in the chat box All of the money's from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son connor asley That's a picture of him right there with his brother collin It's my son who passed away over five years ago in his honor We donate to causes like the hoffman process and insight institute just to name a few and if you'd like to get on the hot seat I just put a link Hey, listen talk to me. This would be fun join the hot seat. Let's talk But if you have a question post a question Uh claire says everybody is fighting a secret battle always be kind exactly. That's my message Here today always be kind Hey margaret just gave us an eight dollar super sticker. Our goal is 50 dollars tonight And we're just got eight dollars towards that. So we only need 42 more valley says Most men are good guys just bad daters and many times not available as they portray I'm seeing how important it is now to better vet these guys exactly if you need some support with that see this link right here Right here schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you margaret wants to remind everybody to be kind As streaming says loving people put you in a strong place isn't a thing He isn't a thing in australia. What is it anyway? Oh, I don't get that All right, if you have a question write the word question or post the question thereafter We're gonna have a very short video tonight ah Well, we got a bashful group. Does anyone want to join the hot seat? Come on. This will be fun join the hot seat Well, I'm gonna give it another 10 more seconds if no one posts a question Pamela wants to know is that a wizard cape you're wearing exactly? This is my burning man outfit Um List says jonathan. I love the wizard in the house. Thank you so much. I appreciate it All right, susan's has a question A damaged guy is hovering me. I'm ignoring but a little scary. What should I do? well Do you mean literally hovering over you? I mean physically hovering over you or is it social like I mean unless he's in your house hovering over you There's not much you you need to do. You know, you don't you can ignore text messages. You can block someone You can block someone on social media. I don't know how he's getting into your vortex But um, you don't have to do anything You don't have to do anything He's hovering that's his business has nothing to do with you You just go about your day But if you need to block him on social media and block him on your cell phone But if you are actually in danger, then I would go to the police If you're actually in danger Uh, I would go to the police. I'd hire a bodyguard or I'd get some really badass motherfuckers with shotguns to point it in the guy's face and saying hey You know what happens if you mess with my friend here You know, I think we need up we need the a team to come out and be some bad asses for people Does anyone agree with me? If you do give me a thumbs up. Please let me know All right, um Let's see. Paul tree says Do you believe that words cast spells manifesting? I do believe words are very powerful And I do believe in affirmations. I think if I believe in tensions. I think uh, Does anyone remember e or from winnie the pooh e or the sky is falling? I believe our words are incredibly powerful Not to the extent that you can go snap. I want a million dollars But you can believe in abundance and start experiencing abundance in your life. So yes, I do believe that Hmm Okay Voting what are three? Uh lisa says what are three basic questions to vet a person? First get clear, uh Understanding of their intentions. What are your intentions for dating? What are your intentions? I want a relationship. Okay, great. What does a relationship look like for you? What does commitment look like for you? Those are three questions. What are your intentions? What does a relationship look like for you and what does commitment look like for you? Invite them, you know, I once had a I tell this story before I once had a client lisa Who says to calls me up and she goes i'm in a relationship with a guy nine months and I want more commitment out of them I'm like great. What does that look like for you? But jonathan? I want commitment from him. I'm like great What does that look like for you? But jonathan? I just want more commitment from him. I'm like great What does that look like for you? And she screams it at the top of her lungs saying you're not listening to me I said no, you're not communicating See just raising your volume doesn't I'm asking you for a descriptor What does commitment look like for you now? I'll give you an example of what it looks like for me I would say in the first 90 days of dating. This is what it eventually should look like or get to this point We are spending on average of three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family And friends traveling together teamwork building skills both on our personal and our professional life intimacy Both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together or getting married within One to two years. That is my definition of relationship and commitment On average three or four days and nights a week to go. But jonathan, that's way too much I'm way too busy for something like that. You make it up for whatever you want for your lifestyle This just happens to be what I want in my life I have a lot of time to Devote to a relationship and if someone doesn't have that kind of to devote to it That's not my relationship. If you don't that's but that doesn't have to be yours I just invite you to decide what is yours and then stick to that Does that help everyone? Does that help if it does? Give me a thumbs up, okay? um Katie says, how do you tell a guy you just want to be friends without hurting him? We have we have we have not been intimate yet Well, I hear the word yet. So So is the question is do you want to put him in the friend zone or do you want to slow down the process Of getting to know each other. So just simply say something like this I think you need to know something if we're going to explore our relationship together I want you to know one of my standards for me I don't become physically intimate with someone until trust has been built between the two of us And while I don't put an arbitrary timeline on when that is I think it's important that we spend time in a variety of different ways in different situations to get to know each other To see if we're a good fit for one another. Do we share the same values are our lifestyles blendable that sort of thing That's where I'm at in my life Okay, what are you looking for? Oh, I want to fuck your brains out right away. Okay. Go find a woman that meets that That's not who I am That's my way of listen Katie It is time. We are fucking direct excuse my french. We are direct with people. Why do we have to do it in some? Cryptic way, let's just be succinct. Does everyone agree with me? Please let me know um, all right DZ says what about women over 60 trends? What about them? I think it's great. I think it's great that women over 60 are Are free to do what you know to attract love in their lives. I'm all for it All right, samuel sam says Why do men cheat with an axe and when they leave they ignore you and steal my car from me He was a dick. That's the why he was just a dick An asshole a jerk, you know A broken person who goes out and hurts other people. He's a broken guy All right, julie's in the house Why is a 30 year old obsessively messaging me even though not indicated any interest? I'm 56 What is the best way to tell him? I'm ignoring him, but feel like I should say something Okay Why is a 32 year old after a fixed 56 year old? 56 year old women are great in bed. They are highly unlikely to get uh, pregnant Highly unlikely and the guy has a built-in exit clause if you fall in love with them He says oh, I want to find a woman. I have a baby with that's his why This is a supposition on my part How do you ignore them just simply say I really appreciate the time we've connected with each other I don't feel we're a match from long term. So I'm going to disengage from any future communication I just want to let you know if you do respond Um any communication thereafter. I'm going to be blocking you on my phone be direct. That's it. Just be direct All right Bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump. Oh if you'd like to join the hot seat Here's a link to be live with me on camera. We're only going to be doing this for a few more minutes So go for it while the hot seat is still available Valerie says Long distance situation. He came to see me first hot and cold. He canceled my trip to him Always says his mind body and spirit aren't in a good place wants to reschedule should I Valerie did you have sex that first time he came out? I'm in a bet. He did and he's now pulling back um, that's just my guess here um Always says his mind body spirit aren't in a good place. He's just using a lot of rhetoric there. Thanks I don't know why I should think of oh, sorry. So, um Wants to reschedule should I? I don't know. He's giving you mixed signals Does this guy doesn't sound like how long is the disc? How far is the distance? Is this a realistic relationship? I mean if you haven't had sex then you have nothing to lose to go out and see him But if you if you did my guess is he's going to bail on you anyway But you can always reschedule again. You have to do what's right for you But just remember if you're going to do a long distance relationship Have a plan of taking the distance short. Otherwise, it's highly unlikely. It's going to be successful And valerie. Thank you for the ten dollar super sticker. That means we got 18 dollars. We're 32 dollars away from our 50 dollar goal Julie says thank you jonathan. Why didn't I think of that exactly? Oh valerie wants to go on to say no, we did not have sex But both of us said he wanted to that was the plan. I'm in la and he's in new jersey. Oh Okay, so here's a couple things are you guys rich because airfare ain't cheap going back and forth And here's the problem You fly out there and then How's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. Oh, I've been thinking about you. Are you thinking about me? Hey, baby, what are you wearing? Oh, wow, let's have some phone sex blah blah blah blah This is the narrative folks when you have distance If you don't like listen, you all know i'm against long distance relationship and the only reason why I chose one Previously was because we had the freedom to spend a lot of time together We in fact spent 45 days together out of a hundred day period of time That's more than most people spend in a hundred day period of time We had the time and the resources to invest in it if you don't it's going to be how's your day going? Did you have a good day phone sex phone sex phone sex? How's your day going? I'm thinking about you. What are you wearing? I'm just setting it up with what it's gonna look like. That's all anyway, um And gg uh says la in new jersey doesn't equal blendable lifestyles. Let me just tell you These are two different type of lifestyles. There's no doubt about it Kathy says no, don't reschedule probably not Uh, I think you should probably cut your losses, but I agree with her but you got to do what's right for you Okay Solomon says how to make a man propose he divorced He's divorced and says he's not sure he wants to marry again two years together You cannot make someone propose remember marriage means I want to take care of you You can't force someone to want to take care of you. You can't do that It's highly unlikely um My question is after two years have the two of you built enough trust have you discussed marriage? How important is and maybe you set a deadline look if we're not married in the next um Six months i'm ending this relationship or if we're not engaged you might want to set an ultimatum By the way, I know a lot of women have done that and it's worked If the guy cares about you enough he'll want to acquiesce But you got to decide for yourself what you want to do in that particular regard. Okay, Solomon. Good luck with that one Why would men complain? I asked too many questions. How can you get to know someone unless you do he asked nothing about me? He's probably emotionally constipated and he's He's probably an avoidant love attachment style if you're not familiar with the book Wired for love by dr. Stan tackin how to understand Neuroscience and attachment style to help you find your ideal partner. He's probably an avoidant attachment style He probably is very self-centric in his own world. He really you know is myopic Doesn't sound by the way. Why do you like the why do you like this guy? That's my question. Why do you like him ether? That would be a first That would be a question I want you to know because he doesn't sound like an interesting guy to me But that's just me. Hey weegeans in the house. Hey, jonathan great shirt. You're wearing today How do you feel about a triangle relationship husband wife and girlfriend? They're all living in the same house goal. Can this be true love? You know, okay I'm not going to answer it only because I'm I believe in monogamy And I believe in partnership. I believe in a long-term mating strategy not a short-term mating strategy I'm just not a favor of this That's how I feel about it. I'm just not in favor of it Do I think they can work? Look at 50 percent of marriages end in divorce 65 to 75 percent of second and third marriages end in divorce Of the 50 percent that are still married half of those people are miserable Maybe the secret is to have a girlfriend living in. I don't know. That's just not my thing That's just not my thing All right streaming says phone sex more like phony sex the person is too Is far too timid to ever meet up for real well, they did meet up for real so He came out to her Um, anyway, hey folks, you know what it's halloween. I want and look at speaking of halloween oops, hold on This was collin and connor halloween Woody and buzz This is my burning man shirt just to show you a little bit about what it looks like here All right Uh, listen, I just wanted to have a fun video Go out and have a good time tonight the scary things men do listen. I do believe men unintentionally hurt women Use them not intentionally. It's just a byproduct of hurt people Hurt others and that's all I really wanted to say and it's more prevalent for the over 40 crowd because We have a significant percentage of divorced people who are truly hurting out there So let's have compassion and I want you to remember how I shared earlier When you're faced with a challenge in your life ask yourself What would love do? How would love respond not from a doormat place But from a place of loving myself and loving others from a place of compassion. Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know if it is I'd like to hear your thoughts post a comment below If you found value in this video, please hit that Please hit that like button. Please hit that subscribe button hit that notification bell So you can be notified of new videos as well And we're going to wrap up this video as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a pat a teddy bear pillow and give inter them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank body electric supplement says thank you Jonathan So many people are blunting up front when they want to play around And be casual give them back the same energy with your must haves exactly I want to thank dz and jt and val and we jin and lori and ether and live learn grow and sharing and valerian streaming and uh samuels and kathy and samalia Or I'd butch your names valerie everyone big hugs. Have a great evening. Be well. Bye now