 So today we're gonna talk about the three shocking signs a man over 40 is ready to commit to you. Now I wanna share with you why it's shocking because quite frankly, what I'm gonna share is ridiculously obvious and yet at the same time, it feels rare. It feels rare for many of the women out there who are over 40 who seek a significant relationship. It feels rare to believe that there are men ready to commit. Well, that actually framed that because I said a belief. It seems rare that they're actually going to commit. And yet I do want you to know that there are plenty of men out there who are ready for full commitment as long as some of these criteria have been met prior to meeting you or at least in the process of dating you, because this is where the shocking aspects of this come up. And I'll just say these are strong signs that at least you're on the right path. So let's look at dating currently today. I think there's more signs that he's not into you than being into you. I think that's the case. I've noticed that there's a significant percentage of men who are rather flaky in their behavior, their attitudes and their performance or their actions within the dating realm. That's because sadly, hookups, friends with benefits, situationships and casual relationships are the predominant norm that we're experiencing today in the dating marketplace. See, I believe serious relationships or even marriage is on the decline. And it's mostly because physical intimacy barely costs anyone anything. And yet the emotional effects or the emotional costs can be incredibly dramatic. The emotional marketplace, if you will, is where very few people actually focus their attention on. There's a lot more conversations for the sexual marketplace of a relationship versus the emotional marketplace of the relationship. And what I mean by emotional marketplace is the emotional effects of repeated unfulfilled physical experiences with another human being. I think it has a toll on us emotionally. And a significant percentage of people are either bitter, they're jaded or they're incapable of love or they're rejecting of love or they're... And by the way, depending on what receiving end you're on, this emotional roller coaster we're on, many humans have not done the work to heal from these experiences that lead to nowhere or worse that there's a betrayal, there's a real rejection of another human being. And that has an emotional toll. And I think what happens is the reason why he's not into you as an example or he's being flaky towards you is because he hasn't cleaned his emotional house. That's his emotional house. What about his physical house? Men who are incapable of commitment often have tremendous amount of chaos in their life. Now, before I say another word, let's be clear about something. Everything I'm sharing is for both genders, for both men and women alike. And yes, I know there's more than two genders from a social construct perspective, but I'm talking to my audience that is predominantly male, female, female, male, or demographic in the dating marketplace. So what I'm sharing goes for both, if your life is in chaos, it's very difficult to really commit to another human being beyond those types of relationships I talked about, the hookups, the friends with benefits, the situations and casual, because to be in a serious relationship or even marriage requires an all-in investment. I'm all in, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, I'm all in. See, all-in relationships are becoming the rarity. As I said earlier in this recording is because we can get our physical needs met, but are we really getting our emotional needs met? That is the $64,000 question, if anyone remembers that game show. By the way, that's a pittance today, it's gotta be the billion dollar question because of what I'm about to share next. He's not into you, he's not capable, or he has issues in his life, and this is true of men and women of life. Unhealed childhood wounds and unresolved adult traumas leads to human beings basically hooking up friends with benefits, situationships, casual relationships is because they're incapable of actually going deeper. They have issues in their lives or they're just not open enough to take in another person from an emotional perspective. See, I've been an advocate since the beginning of I began dating and relationship coaching, I've been an advocate that inviting everyone to recognize that dating is a vetting process. Dating is a vetting process, and the hard part of this process is attraction as well as attachment can trump our judgment or worse, hope some nagging issue about the other person will turn around because of physical attraction and attachment to another human being. So when I say dating is a vetting process, it's about going deeper in the early stages of dating, it's about being radically honest with one another, which simply means being vulnerable, being authentic and being transparent, transparency being if it's material to the relationship. And let me be clear, vulnerable and authentic doesn't mean to be walk out on the plank, I mean, to some degree, it's walking out of the plank and someone can pull the plank out from underneath you. It's not about sharing secrets or anything like that, it's just with respects to this dynamic, this dynamic between two people, I'm gonna be authentic and being authentic is a bit vulnerable and being transparent is a bit vulnerable again, so long as it's material to the dynamic. Number two, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table with you. This is my past, okay? This is my past, I'm inviting both men and women to do this for each other. This is my past, why it's important that you know about my past and why it's important that I know about your past is past performance is indicator of actual future success. We learn through history. You know why? History has a habit of repeating itself. So by learning and understanding the mechanics of someone's past relationship, but Jonathan, he won't talk about his past and I know you get irritated when I do the but Jonathan voice. If you don't know where he came from, it's like I want you to think about interviewing somebody for a job and in their resume, they have no work experience. When someone doesn't talk about their past, it's literally saying I have no work experience. Other than they work, all you know is the dates that they worked at such and such company. You don't know what they did within that company. You don't know their job title within that company. You don't know their performance level. It's the same thing. So by not inquiring about someone's past is missing out on some of the most important information in dating. So laying your cards on the table. Lastly, the rules of engagement. The rules of engagement simply is establishing what your standards are in a relationship. What's your standards? Many of you know my standard. I'm seeking a relationship where we spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in our personal or professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together or getting married. That's my standard. The rules of engagement is establishing your standard with someone, having them establish their standard with you and then seeing where there's a cohesiveness within the standard. Radical honesty, laying your cards on the table, the rules of engagement. This is all in the process of vetting. By the way, if you need some support, you see this link right here to schedule a discovery call with me, schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. My whole area of expertise is designed to improve your picker, your man picker out there. Many of you have a broken man picker. Many of men have a broken woman picker out there. Most everybody has a broken picker. My job is to help you get better at vetting somebody to determine if they actually have a capacity to enter into a significant relationship. Midlife dating requires important things to consider how long somebody has been single. Do they have past residue from their most recent relationship or maybe their significant relationship? Is their life in a good place? Is the ground underneath them solid or do they have tons of baggage? So these shocking signs that I'm about to share with you, I said before shocking because it seems rare and yet they're fairly good signs that the guy is ready to commit to you. Number one, he's intentional about a serious relationship and he makes you a priority. Now, what does that mean? Cause I know those are two inside of one. Intentional is he's clear about wanting a serious relationship. Some men are very clear. I'm good with a hookup and a lot of you women will say yes. I'm good with friends with benefits because I might be able to change his mind. I'm good with the situation ship because I might be able to change his mind. I'm good with a casual relationship because I might change his mind. See, it seems rare because a lot of men, it's shocking because a lot of men will say I'm not looking for anything serious and you'll accept it. You'll accept it. A good sign a man is ready to commit when he's very clear. The reason why I share with you my standard. Oh, by the way, my coffee mug says don't make me go all psycho roommate on you. My standard represents that clarity that I want to either get remarried or live with someone. And within that, if somebody, if I'm intentional in the process and I meet somebody who meets me at that place and I feel as though that I'm speaking for myself but man as well, if there's a bit of chemistry between the two of you he'll make you a priority. Priority means that he won't allow his, the balance of his life to consume him. You know, many men and women are consumed by raising their children. They're consumed by it. They are, by the way, they're almost better off with a casual relationship friends with benefits or a situation ship or a hookup. Because for some people, and by the way, children are a priority. There is, we have to recognize that that is a huge aspect of our lives. And for some people, it's difficult to fully commit to another person when you're committed to raising children. That's just a recognition. And by the way, for most people in midlife, these days for people in their fifties and sixties they're seeking empty nesters because of this. And this directly affects the third sign I'm about to share with you. But they make you a priority. That's a really good sign. Number two, he actively tries to help you in your life. He's actually making effort. Now, it could be on small scale. He might help you fix things around the house. That's a really good sign when he's making effort to help you in your life. Maybe he's giving you financial advice. Maybe you're giving him financial advice. Maybe you're, he's helping you, what we already say, fix things. But he's just there as an emotional support, but he's genuinely trying to help you in your life. You know the difference between those guys that are kind of like, hey, just show up at my place. I'm fascinated how many men are entering to long distance relationship and they expect the woman to always come to his home. They're not willing to make that effort the other way around. That's not helping. He's actively helping with your life. And number three, he integrates you into his life. He integrates you into his life and he wants to be part of your life. He wants to be part of your life. He integrates you in his life. The reason why this is so shocking is because so few people are actually doing this. This is probably the number one sign of, it's not number one, but it's just, it's such a high, high ticket sign that if someone wants something serious with you when they actually integrate you, but they also want to be integrated into your life. It is through integration that we're ever going to turn in, turn something into something serious. Because otherwise, I want you to think about hookups, there's no, you know, you show up at my house, I show up at your house, we have sex, that's it. Friends with benefits, you show up to my house, I show up to your house, but will Netflix and chill before the sex, okay? Situationships, well, situationships are like, hey, listen, I want to have the benefits of being with you whenever I want, but I have the benefits of being with whomever I want, whenever I want, okay? Casual relationships might have monogamy and exclusivity built in, might have monogamy and exclusivity built in, but they also have the freedom to break that covenant because it's nothing more than a loose, it's like a loose handshake. Have you ever shaked shook in someone's hand that's very loose? That's what a casual relationship is. You see a serious relationship, the minute you make that, the minute you want something serious with someone, a man will want to integrate himself into your life and he will want you to integrate his life. See, when he treats you with, when he shows up with intentionality, when he treats you with priority, when he actually helps you in your life and he integrates you with his life and vice versa, that is a great sign that he's ready to commit to you. You see the sad list, sad piece of this puzzle or this conversation as many of you will accept crumb relationships, hoping that if I just give him enough love, he will change. If I just give him enough love, he'll change. And by the way, men do this too. This isn't singular to one gender or the other. This is a human behavior that many people experience because for some of us, and I've been in this boat too, it's better to have something than nothing. I get that. I understand why we might accept breadcrumbs because it's better to get a breadcrumb than no food at all. But we'll eventually die anyway because we can't live off of breadcrumbs. We need the nurturing of water. We need the nurturing of shelter. We need the nurturing of sun. And we need the nurturing of full bellies to actually be able to have a fully fulfilled life if you want to be in partnership with someone. By the way, I'm a big proponent everyone, okay? If you watch my channel, I'm such a big proponent. Everybody read my book, What the Heck Is Self Love? Anyway, A Journey of Personal Development, Self-Help, Spiritual Work, there's a link below. I'm here to say that the most important relationship you'll ever have is the relationship with yourself. That's your priority. It's not selfish to make that a priority, but I'm inviting you to have such an awesome relationship with yourself, become the reality show people want to watch because maybe instead of looking for a needle in the haystack you become the electromagnet that attracts in that juicy, delicious, healthy, happy relationship you want where you don't need to be shocked because he shows up intentional, making you a priority, helps in your life and he's already ready, willing and capable of integrating you into his life and vice versa. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know if it is. If it is, I'd like to hear your thoughts, post a comment below. I do my best to read them all within the first 24 hours. If you liked this video, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell as well. And also if you want to speak to me directly right here schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you and check out all the links listed below to check out all the books I recommend and also find me on Instagram and all that good stuff. And I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big, gigantic Jonathan Barak of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, Teddy Barak pillow and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye-bye now, bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye, bye.