 Our people, in general, our women in particular, don't give us enough latitude to be our full spectrum of men. You give that latitude to white men, who are the reason that this whole thing happened in the first place. Because the thing about it is, we were told stories about ourselves by these people. We believe those stories and then we run away to those people. Listen, it's the message right here. Black boy, tell me how you really feel. Cause I just wanna build with you. Black girl, tell me how you really feel. I wanna keep it real with you. I wanna live better, eat better. I wanna love better, sleep better. Yeah, I wanna feel so aligned. What do you think would need to happen for us and black men and black women to find our way back to each other and build happy, healthy, productive relationships? I feel like the same energy we put into everything else that we're passionate about, we should take that same energy and put it into ourselves. I feel like if you want a person to get the best version of you, then you need to heal yourself. I mean like, hash trauma, the things, like you don't forget things, but can you handle yourself? Are you emotionally stable? Like if something that once triggered you comes up again, are you gonna know how to handle it or are you gonna allow that particular thing to trigger you the same way it did back then? Cause if so, then that means you're not growing. And I also feel like learning, I mean that comes with self love, but learning yourself. Like I feel like if a lot of people took time to learn theyself, then a lot of bad relationships were in because now you're attracting what you are. And I'm not saying a person just like you, I'm talking about a person that is compatible with you. A lot of people date, but they aren't compatible with each other. You have a person that needs a guy that's a little bit more empathetic, because they have history, but the guy that's not chalant, it's like two bulls, like going head to head. If this guy knows he's not ready for a female with emotions and he needs a female a little bit more masculine, then let that female be with someone who would cater to her feelings a little bit more and you find you someone who maybe isn't as emotional as her. So I do feel like it's learning love language, compatibility, learning yourself, learning what you like and don't like because the person that you dated at 25 is not going to be the same person you've dated at 29 if that person's elevated. To be honest, the person I was this week won't be the person I am next week if I'm elevating. So dig into yourself, learn yourself, learn what you like, learn what you don't like. Date, actually date, don't date with expectation. I used to do that. I used to date with expectation and I allowed myself to get let down because I went in looking for a part, like can see a husband automatically. But that's not where that starts off. It starts off with a friendship. So can you even have a conversation with this? Can I be around you for hours and hours of the time when we not saying nothing and be aggravated? Like can we not talk and me just be happy around you? Can we have a talk and then we get excited because we mentally hear, a lot of people don't be mentally connected. They just be physically connected. So that's why a lot of things don't work. I feel like honestly, if you were mentally connected with someone, I mean think about our mental health and when we're not feeling the best and when we're thinking negative or when we're down on ourself or when we don't know if we can actually accomplish something, that can mentally take a toll on us. So if we're not right mentally and we know how that throws our day off, why do you not think you need to be mentally and you're compatible with the person you're talking to? So what do you think you as an individual and let's just talk about you as an individual. Okay. What do you think is left for you to do or work that you need to, inner work you need to do to attract the caliber of man that you might want? Just keep hiding in my vibration. Just not focusing on finding a man so much and focusing on myself because when you focus on a man or wanting a man then typically you run into the ones that you're not supposed to run into because you're so focused on it. I heard a guy speak yesterday that said when you focus on something so much sometimes you can actually push that away. So when you're focusing on a guy so much then every guy that comes by, you're all of, is this it? Is this one it? Is this one it? And then they're like, he's not eight. I'm so sick of dudes. Like I'm tired of it. Like I'm just tired of it. I'm saying this because I've been in the shoes saying this stuff. I'm so tired of guys. Like I'm just over it. I keep dealing with these same type of guys. But it's like, don't focus on that. Just focus on your goals, what you're trying to do. Keep elevating. He's gonna come. He's gonna come. He might be watching you. You don't even know he's watching you but he's just observing how you move. Keep striving, keep pushing. It's gonna eventually happen. The thing is we be one and it happened on our time. And that's not how the universe works. It's not your time. It's when you're ready for that. We be one and stuff that we're not ready for because if you get that good man that you asked for, you get that good woman that you asked for, are you gonna be ready for that? We don't always be ready. We be thinking we be ready because that's what we want. But that's not what we need at the time. So some women are 40, 50 years old and are waiting. And it's not just like a waiting because I know I deserve better. It's also an overestimation of what you actually deserve. Quote, unquote, like on paper, right? So you'll have, because I think what happens is women grade themselves on a masculine curriculum. So they'll say, for instance, I have a master's degree. Men should think I'm more attractive. I make six figures. Men should think I'm more attractive. I have more wisdom. I have more experience. Men should think I'm more attractive. When the reality is those things make you less attractive to men actually. So why do you think so many women go into their old age still evaluating themselves on a masculine curriculum and waiting for this man, this mythical man to see her? Because women have been taught to be strong black women and they've been taught that they don't need a man till they get to the point where they realize like, okay, now I'm ready for a man. But when they're ready, they're looking at the younger version of their sales and it's like you're not that person anymore. So you need to date within side your range. But a lot of people like to date outside their range because they're not actually looking at their sales. Like that person that you think you are to offer, you aren't actually that person. So you probably need to date someone that's more compatible with you. Like for instance, if I'm a 48, 49, 50 year old woman but I went and I'm like, you know, you know I'm attractive but I don't necessarily look how I did when I was like 29. But now I want a dude that look like that and have it all together. It's like, well, a lot of people go for people that aren't. Tell the truth. A lot of people do go for people that's outside their lead because they think that they are higher than they actually are and then get disappointed when they don't go that way. But you was rich and too high for the stars. And I'm not even saying by looks even what you have to offer. Age doesn't mean that you have a lot to offer. Age is just age. It's a lot of people that's 45, 48 and still don't have it together. But then women is 32, they do have it together. So no matter how old you are, a man is not gonna want to date an intellectually or immature, emotionally immature female. It doesn't matter if you 30, 40, 50. And I'm talking about a man. A boy here put up with it because he can be like, I'm just about to go to my other Shawty house when you calm down, I'll be back. But a man is not gonna deal with that. Like, I mean, cause his peace matters. So since we know like a man isn't going to prioritize your master's degree or your experience or your six-figure job, what do you think that type of man does prioritize when he's looking for a woman? Depending on the guy, but can you, can you, do I feel like you'll make a good wife? Do I feel like you'll make a good mother? How do you make me feel? Do you bring me peace? Or do I feel like you add a more to my stress? I feel like those are the top three. Yeah? Damn, that ain't nothing to say, yeah? You got it, you got it, huh? What are some final thoughts, final words? What do you think is black love, black men and black women being together? Is that a worthwhile pursuit? Or do you think it's too late or we need to just, women need to divest, men need to go to Thailand? Like, do you feel like we need to reinvest back into each other and try to rebuild the black family? I feel like you're soulmate who you're supposed to be with, it's who you wanna be with, no matter if they're black, Asian, Caucasian, Indian. Who you're meant to be with is who you're meant to be with. But I do feel like as a culture, we need to stop breaking each other down. If this isn't for you, then don't let it be for you, but don't tear this person down because it's not for you. Everybody's not the same. Everybody's not like, I'm not for everybody and everybody is up for me. But just because that's the case, I don't have to speak negative, speak life into us more, speak love into us. I feel like it's so much hate that the hate is over-trumping the love. And love doesn't, love is an action word. So love isn't, oh my God, you're beautiful. I just wanna kiss all on your body. Like love could literally be, look man, that's a beautiful family. Keep pushing, like pour love into that back flamie instead of a will. He doing this good for her. She must be holding him hostage. She must like, no, like speak life into it. I feel like the black couples that we do have, you need to pour into each other. But me personally, because I've dated outside my race, I don't feel like if you're so me, it's not black person. You're not wrong for that. You're not wrong for that. If it is a black person, a black man, black woman, then yeah, but pour into each other. But I don't feel like- You think we should prioritize each other? So what I'm saying is, maybe you're so, I don't believe in soul mates, but like maybe your soul mate is a white woman. But should you start the conversation with like, I'm gonna exhaust all my options with black women first? Or I'm gonna exhaust all my options with black men first? Should we prioritize each other? Not in that aspect, I don't feel like, I feel like you need to flow with the energy. Like, just because I'm just an energy person, so like, I don't have a certain look. Like, you know, I'm tiny so I can't do, you know what I'm saying? I'm tiny, but it's more about how you make me feel. Like, it's certain things you want a person to take care of their self, but how do you make me feel? And if you are like Asian and you're a little bit taller than me and you're nerdy, but you make me feel like the best woman in the world, then we're here. But if you're a black man and you make me feel that same way, we're here, but that's not, my biggest issue when dating is, I am a independent feminine woman. So, a lot of black men, a black man. You just said I'm a tall, short person to a lot of men, that's how they heard that. I know, I'm about to break it down. So, a lot of men see independent women in their masculinity, but it's not often that they see independent women and they're on the feminine side. So, for me, it's like, I get a lot of the times I'm too good to be true. And I've asked, like any guy that I've seriously dated, what are the worst things you could say about me? And it was, you don't like to go to bed or like, unresolved issues. I like to talk about it, whether we agree to disagree, because I don't like lingering things. Another thing was, I'm emotional. So, to me, I do get, you're too good to be true. And it's like, I find myself happening. Well, because I've done it, working twice as hard to show the guy, like I actually am who I say I am, because they feel like it's rare. They feel like it can't be. You can't be nice. You can't, I can't be vulnerable with you. You can't have yourself together. There is no way. It must be something wrong. You can't have no kids and like, it's something wrong, but there are women out there who consider yourself how value just like men do. I don't wanna give myself to anyone who can't cherish it. I don't know shades of baby mamas that do what they're supposed to do, but I don't wanna be a baby mom. I call one a family, whatever that look like, whether it's a black man with Indian, Korean. I would say this. I would say this. And you made a good point earlier when you said men are a lot more practical. And for me, and part of my message, and part of my work, and part of my mission is to encourage us, particularly men, to be more pragmatic about love. And for me, like, I have a 17-year-old brother. I told him, you have to bring home a black woman. It's a priority. Because who we choose is more of a political decision than a feelings decision. Because you know when people say, oh, money only stays in the black community for so many hours, right? Part of the reason is because when you leave your community and you make something of yourself, economically you just helped them. You're not helping us. So for me, everything is black first. And who I choose to love, who I choose to create with, who I choose to build with must be black first. Now, I'm not saying that for some men, they might not have tried and it didn't work out and they went a different way. But I think in context with history, if we're not willing to maybe even sacrifice our feelings and vibes to put ourselves first, there's no point of any of the stuff we're marching about or protesting about or voting for. And it all starts with a black family. Because at the end of the day, I want you to raise a fantastic son. And I want, when that son goes out into the world, he brings home somebody who reminds you of you. That little girl that you were, right? You see her in the great son, great black man that you raised and vice versa. So I would encourage you to think about the political part of love. I have, I've thought about that, but I also feel like if you and the person are designed to be together, it's gonna work. And you're gonna get through it no matter what challenges are faced. It doesn't matter the race. I get, if I could be with a black man, I would want to be with a black man. I would want to. But I also realized, and I'm being transparent in my dating, how I'm designed because black men have been brought up to disconnect with anything that has emotion. And I am emotional, then it's difficult for me to date black men because, to them, because they're not tapped into their emotions. And I actually know my emotions. Like I know the difference between angry and frustrated. I know the difference between joyful and happy. Then my emotions become overly dramatic or you're too emotional because they're brought up to disconnect with anything that has emotion. So I mean, if you technically want to put it this way, we are starting to not like each other because men are brought up to, black men are brought up to disconnect with emotion. Women are emotional beings. Women are brought up to be strong black women. So now we don't feel like we need a black man because we could take care at all. So now it's like, well, if you ain't gonna pay my bills, I don't need you. So now it's sought on the female side because I'm emotional being. It has been difficult for me to date black men. So what men have been more accommodating of your emotions? Let's talk about it. Caucasian men. Why? I couldn't tell you why, but I've been, I've dated a black man who knew how to open a door for me and knew how to do things for me but ultimately it was something that was expected, like sex. Like I know if I'm doing all of this for you, you're gonna do something, even though it wasn't asked. You're willingly doing this. I haven't had that issue with Caucasian men. I never, sex was never brought up. They just wanted to just love on me. And I mean, to the point where like, I dated this one guy and he would pick my food up from the table and carry it to my car. He would hold the door for me. When I got on the car, he would close the door. He would get on his side, like. Let me ask you this. Okay. Because I think you were hitting on something very, very, very, very important. Do you think black women are easier to love than white women? Do I feel like black women are easier to love than white women? Or deal with, from a man's perspective. If I had to go based off of what I know, because I have friends of different cultures, because a lot of females are, black women are masculine these days. I mean, cause if you think about households, right? And this is just a general standpoint. Caucasian couples or households are brought up to be a family and face the problem. We're brought up to face the problem without the family. So we're brought up to do everything on our own while they do things together, no matter if Billy then shot up some of my tires or Rebecca then cursed her dad out. What happens in your family, they try to work through it. They try to get the necessary right steps for their children or for their partner. I feel like sometimes a Caucasian woman is looked at as being more submissive because they're more family oriented versus black women are brought up to be independent. So we don't always think about family until it's too late. So a black man getting with a white woman would be him taking the easy way out, correct? Not always, it depends on the compound. No, but generally. Oh generally? Because they're more submissive and feminine. So I'm encouraging black men to not take the easy way out. But black women aren't encouraging themselves to not take the easy way out because as a black man, I have to, my favorite word is due diligence. And that's why I'm a history nerd. I have to understand what happened that led to black women being masculine and being rough around the edges. And I have to be willing to, that's a metaphor, go to the black-owned business that my food might not come out the way I like it. But ultimately I'm going to the black-owned business versus taking the convenient route and going to Cheesecake Factory. Yeah. And I feel the same exact way with us. So even though black women are harder to deal with, as a black man who understands history, I must commit myself to prioritizing you. Right. That energy isn't on the other side. Why is that? Because black women are telling each other just take the easy way out. Because the same reasons that led to your masculinness are some of the same reasons that led to my disconnect from emotion. I'm supposed to empathize with you. Do I get empathy in return? Or is it just white men are easier to deal with and they treat me better? Are you saying from my perspective or from a general? Because from a general it's going to be different from my perspective. Give me yours. Before I actually started dating outside my race, all I dated was black men, different types, different backgrounds, different everything. And every single black man I came across, I'm not gonna say man because I feel like it's the difference between a man and a boy. So I will say a black man, if you're gonna remember a black man, cherish that black man. It's the difference between that and a boy and a lot of us deal with black boys. Because y'all don't like black men. I don't feel like we're ready for black men. But that's my point. And what I mean by that is like the big movement right now is divest, right? And you'll see women who have ran through the pookies and the ray-rays and they say I'm tired, all these men are dusty, black men are dusty. And then they end up with a nerdy white dude. And what's interesting about that is these same women when they were younger, more desirable, overlooked nerdy black men. So you're saying to us, these attributes that I'm gonna value in Billy, I don't value it, value those in you. And then when I go to Billy, I'm gonna claim that you guys are these things. When in black men, you didn't nurture those attributes. You encourage us to be emotionless because that's who gets pussy. And then eventually when you get tired of giving your pussy to these niggas that you encouraged us to be. And that you raised us to be. You then run away and say that all of us are like that. The nerdy, like one of the interviews, he was talking about how some women are gonna see Childish Gambino with a white woman and be like, he's a sellout. Y'all weren't checking for Childish Gambino for the day? Now you end up with a white dude who's similar to Childish Gambino, but men are saying our people in general, our women in particular, don't give us enough latitude to be our full spectrum of men. You give that latitude to white men who are the reason that this whole thing happened in the first place. Because the fucked up thing about it is we were told stories about ourselves by these people. We believe those stories and then we run away to those people. The whole point of this, the whole point of this, I'm trying to get black people back together. I'm trying to get us to prioritize each other because anything else makes them win. Every black man who gets on and gets a white girl, that's money that's out of our community.