 I'm the comic weekly man, the jolly comic weekly man. And I'm here to read the funnies to you happy boys and honeys. Yes, boys and girls, it's comic weekly time. And here I come right into your house to bring a little fun and happiness. Right out of the pages of Puck the Comic Weekly, straight into your living room, your friend, the comic weekly man, the jolly comic weekly man. Little Miss Honey, how are you today? Oh, I know a joke. I'm fine too, thanks. How are you? Oh, thank you. I'm fine too. Why did the little boy throw the alarm clock out of the window? Because he didn't want to have it wake him up too early in the morning. Nope. Um, because he didn't want to... Nope, nope. Oh, all right then. I give up. Why did the little boy throw the alarm clock out of the window? Because... Oh, that's very funny. Anyone? Oh, yes, indeed, indeed, yes. All right. Why? Because he didn't want his little brother to get it and smash up his bicycle? Nope. Uh, because he... No, nope, nope. Okay, okay, okay. I give up. Then why did the little boy put the hammer under the pillow? Because he... Oh, that was a very good joke. Thank you, honey. Puck the Comic Weekly. Very well, I'll read that in just a moment. But before I do, let's listen to this nice man. Puck the Comic Weekly. On the first page, under bringing up Father Beatle Bailey. Magic words for the music, please. Very well, my lady. Toot me a toot and tweet me a tweetle. Squeeze out music for Bailey the Beatle. Today, a magazine photographer comes to the Army Camp where Beatle is stationed. The photographer says to Beatle's hard-boiled sergeant, uh, and look, Admiral, our magazine wants to do a series on the typical trainee going through his paces. I'll be glad to help. Beatle! And third picture top row, Beatle is climbing over a high-board fence which is 12 feet off the ground as Beatle sweats and strains. The photographer says, That's it, that's it. I want to get a shot of you falling off on your face. Last picture top row. Beatle is hanging from a bar, chinning himself up and down. He's about to stop and the photographer yells, No, no, don't stop. Keep it up. Yeah, but I've already done 25 chin ups. Yeah, but you haven't quite got the expression I want yet, Sonny. First picture bottom row, Beatle is crawling through an obstacle course with bullets zinging over his head. That's fine. Now rip up your closer more. Okay, fellas, another blast of TNT. Third picture bottom row, Beatle is running through an obstacle course. As Beatle dashes across a log, the photographer yells, Faster, boy, more action. Beatle slips and falls into a pond of mud. The photographer yells, Wonderful, great human interest. Smear a little more mud on your face. And he snaps the picture. Last picture, as Beatle's pals drag him out of the mud, the photographer says to the sergeant, Wow, what a job. Thanks, Sergeant. The sergeant yells, Well, don't I get any money for this? Yes, he certainly took a beating that time. Yes, none of the photographers. That was hard work. And can you imagine the sergeant asking if he doesn't get any money for this? Why should he get any money? He didn't do anything. No, nothing but order Beatle to do all the work. Well, now how would you like to see what's happening to Roy Rogers? Oh, I'd like to see one of the outlaws who robbed the railroad payroll. Yes, but two of the other outlaws who were left under Wildwood or Dowd's guard have tricked her and knocked her out. And if they get away, they may capture Roy again. Well, let's see if that happens. So let's turn over the page, go past little iodine and Prince Valf, turn over that page, and on page four is Roy Rogers, King of the Cowboys. Ah, yippie-yo, now here we go with Roy and Trigger. Ah, yippie-yo! Railroad construction camp, Wildwood lies on the ground, stunned for a moment. Quickly, Higgins and Smiley start to untie each other's hands. All right, hurry up. We've got to light out before Rogers gets back. Meanwhile, Roy and Dangerfield are leaving the bridge with Ham Hawks, the third outlaw who is now trussed up and lying in Dangerfield's wagon. Dangerfield says... Hey, Gad Roy, the local citizenry shall hear how I helped you capture Ham Hawks at the covered bridge. Well, don't start talking till after you deliver them to the shaft, Dangerfield. Well, we part here. I'll bring the stolen railroad payroll in after I pick up Wildwood and the other two prisoners. Well, don't delay, Roy. I need Wildwood to perform in my carnival. Meanwhile, at the railroad camp, Higgins and Smiley have freed each other and start for their horses. Wildwood, seeing they're not watching her, suddenly picks up a rifle and shoots Smiley's hat off. Hey, the gal came too! We forgot about her gun! Never mind her, Smiley. I see Rogers coming. Hurry! First picture bottom row, they scramble into the saddle. Wildwood fires again, this time at Higgins. And then Roy gallops around the bend. Higgins sees the game as up. They rain in and hold up their arms. Roy looks at Wildwood and the rifle she's holding and grins. Well, looks like I got here just in time, Wildwood. A short time later, Roy and Wildwood head for town with the captured outlaws. Roy exclaims, Whoa! Well then, listen, I hear shots. And then, last picture, he sees a stranger gallop toward them and shout desperately, Help! Help! They chase me! They try to kill me! They say I ride a dead man's saddle! I was pretending to be knocked out when she wasn't and Roy arrived in the nick of time, didn't he? Yes, she arrived some time. Yes, you bet he does. Now Roy will turn outlaws over to the chef. Yeah, looks like Roy's beginning a new adventure. Yes, and I can't wait to see that. Neither can I. Now let's go across the page, turn over page five, and look, here on page seven is Donald Duck. Oh, my favorite favorite. And we'll read your favorite favorite right now. Here we go with Donald Duck. Say the magic words with me. Squeeze them, squeeze them, squeeze them. Let's have music to fit a quack-quack. And Donald's nephew, Louis, opened the refrigerator for a cold drink. Bottle of strawberry pop! Outside, Donald is mowing the lawn. And out of the house, Dash, Louis, Huey, and Dewey. Hey, Uncle Donald! Uncle Donald! It's a bottle of pop in the refrigerator. Get me off when I'm done mowing the lawn. Donald's nephew is giving him a dirty look. And march back into the house. Last picture, top row, Donald says, Hmm, I were pretty mad. I wonder. Donald tiptoes over to the window. Looks inside the kitchen, first picture, bottom row, and sees the boys putting the cold bottle of pop into the hot stove. And then he hears Huey say, Boy, will he get a shower. Yeah, be sure to give it a good shaking up. And then Louis opens the oven door. Now we can take it out. It's good and hot. He hurries to the refrigerator with a bottle of hot pop. And puts it back where Donald left it. Now come on, let's get out of here before he comes in. Fourth picture, bottom row, the boys are sitting under the kitchen window, listening carefully to hear what happens to Donald when he opens the bottle of pop. Louis says, Boy, you'll think all faithfuls busted loose in his face. Yeah, or a firehole. Then the last picture, Donald sticks his head out of the window and opens the hot pop upside down over the boy. Oh, Niagara Falls. Oh, shame on them. They tried to trick Donald because he wouldn't give him the pop. Yes, but they put the pop on the stove to make it warm. Why was that? So that when Donald opened up the bottle of pop, it would spurt right out into his face. Oh, yeah. And the boys wanted to form right up into Donald's face. Well, this is for them. You bet it is. Well, now let's turn over the page. And here on the last page of the first section is Flash Gordon. And you remember that Flash Gordon and Dale are on the planet Titan where they were captured by a gray that he was big. Yes, and one of the men in the party became hysterical and tried to run away. And while the giant turned to capture him, Flash and the others made a dash for freedom. I wonder if Flash and Dale will escape. Well, we'll find that out now. Here we go with Flash Gordon. Rega rega dune dune saskimatash. Let's have music for heroic flash. Flash and Dale dashed through the brush, crouching low. Rondale. That monster will only stay at the cave long enough to grab the rest before they escape. Then you'll come after us. Quick, into the underbrush. All right. That's good. We're hidden now. All right, stop and be quiet. Flash and Dale wait. Hidden by the foliage. They don't wait long. Last picture, top row. Seconds later, a huge figure comes pounding up the trail. The ground shakes as the giant passes and fades away into the silent forest. First picture, bottom row. Flash and Dale step out. Flash sees the giant's footprints in the soft earth. Look at those footprints. Come on, honey. We must get back to the rocket for something to battle that thing with. After an hour of beating their way through dense undergrowth, Flash and Dale arrive at the point where they had left their rocket ship. They see that the ground is still there. They see that the giant is still there. The rocket ship. They see that the grass has grown nearly as high as the ship itself. Flash stares in amazement. This is fantastic, Dale. In a single morning, the vegetation is almost engulfed in rocket. Let's get inside. A moment later, they're inside the ship. After a quick search, Flash stops beside the huge handcuffs which had been brought along to capture one of the giants. Well, not a weapon left in the ship. Only these handcuffs. That they may be just what the doctor ordered. Dale wonders how he can possibly come close enough to the giant to use the handcuffs. Flash thoughtfully answers. Yeah, that's a problem. But I have a plan that just might work. Glad that Flash escapes. So am I. And I wonder where are the others, all captured by the giant? I wonder that, too. I wonder if that big giant would find any guns or anything. That's something we'll have to wait until next week to see. Now it's time to pick up the second section of Puck the Comic Weekly. Oh, yes. And we'll find out in just a minute what Dagwood does today. But first, here's that nice man again with something interesting to say. Now here we go again with Puck the Comic Weekly. And on the first page of the second section, Dagwood and Blondie. Magic words for the music, please. Very well, my lady. Ramaphoo, Ramapham, Zim, Zim, Zombie. Conjury music for Dagwood and Blondie. Blondie announces to Dagwood. Who, Dag? Oh, my goodness. Dagwood takes a look at the sink and moans. I'll have to take the whole sink apart to get at the trap. Oh, I'm awfully sorry, dear. Now, hold up. Now who's at the door? Last picture, top row, Dagwood goes to the door. There stands his neighbor, Herb Woodley. Oh, hi, Dagwood. I'm having an awful time. Can you help me fix a radio? Come in and see what I'm doing. First picture, second row. Dagwood shows Herb the sink, which is all torn apart. I'm taking our whole sink apart to get Blondie's ring. Ah, cute. Well, I'm almost got it apart, so all right, I'll come over and give you a hand. Last picture, second row. They're in Herb's kitchen looking at the radio. You sure the tubes are all OK? Yeah, sure, Dagwood. It's a new radio. Just not getting power. Well, let's take it apart and see what we can find. First picture, third row. Dagwood is sitting on the floor taking the radio apart. He's holding up two hands full of wire with a lot of do-dads and whatnot, hanging onto him. Herb says, heh, you look like you're cleaning the chicken. Don't worry. You'll be able to get her back together again. Then in comes Herb's wife, Tootsie. She sees the mess on the floor and exclaims, Why, Herb, there was nothing wrong with the radio. I just borrowed the fuse to use in the laundry. Oh! Last picture, third row. Dagwood is going back to his house to finish his work on the sink. Heh, poor Herb. His wife certainly wasn't around when they passed out the brains. First picture, bottom row, he goes in the house. Blondie! Hey, wait till I tell you the dumb stunt Mrs. Woodley just played on her husband. Oh, Dagwood darling, I have good news for you. Yeah, what? My ring didn't go down the drain. I found it hanging on the nail where I always put it. Last picture, in the middle of the night, Tootsie Woodley comes downstairs into the kitchen in her dressing gown. Herb, what's the light doing in Bomster's kitchen at 3 a.m.? Herb, who's having a terrible time getting his radio together, snarls. He's still trying to put his sink together. And all because of a woman's forgetful mind. Yes, those two women were certainly forgetful. Yes, they were. They better cook their husbands some mighty good meals for a good long time to make up for this. Yes, I think so. Oh, that Dagwood! The funniest things happen to him. Well, now let's turn over the page and see who's there. Oh, look, it's Walt Disney's story, The Sword and the Road. And I know you're anxious to read that. Oh, yes. It's in the early days of England when Henry was the king. And Henry's sister, Princess Mary, had fallen in love with Charles Brandon, who had been a member of the king's guard. And Charles Brandon thought that he could never marry the princess, so he's gone on board a ship to sail to the New World. And I was so sad, but then Princess Mary, all dressed up like a page boy, came to the ship and to Charles Brandon, and she said that she was going to go with him. But one of the sailors heard her voice through the door, and he knows now that there's a woman aboard. And I wonder if that means that anything will happen to them. Well, let's read now and find out. Here we go with The Sword and the Road. It's Mary, Mary, England, when knighthood was in flower, music to bewitch our story hour. The sailor quickly reports to the captain of the ship that he had heard a woman's voice in Brandon's cabin. The captain hurries to the cabin, forces his way in and exclaims, Bilge and bedlam, it is a girl. And one of the sailors jeers, I a pretty lad for a page. And he touches Mary's curls. Brandon steps forward with clenched fists. How dare you touch her, you wretch. Strike me, will you? I'll have your blood. The sailor draws his sword, and Brandon whips out his. And last picture top row, the two men square off at each other. But Brandon is quickly seized from behind by several other sailors. First picture bottom row, Brandon is overpowered by a swarm of brawny seamen. All right, bring him on deck. And the girl too. A few minutes later, on deck of the ship, the captain is saying to Brandon, Mary, I could put you in an irons for the whole voyage. But no Jonah of a woman sails on my ship. I'm putting you ashore in the longboat. Meanwhile, a posse of the king's lancers clatters through the outskirts of Bristol. They ride straight through the village and to the key at the water's edge. Last picture, the grim group waits as the royal hind's longboat approaches the key with a hapless guardsman and the runaway princes. Yes, and if the boat that Brandon is in stops at the key, the guards will certainly capture Brandon and the princes and then what will happen? Well, that we'll have to wait until next week to find out. But now let's turn over the page. All right, because it's in the early days of America. Yes, in the state of California. And you remember, gold had been discovered and everybody in the town that Dick was in had run off to dig for gold themselves so they could get rich. And Dick and his friend, Edward and Campbell, have gone too. And remember that they'd come to a river and the only way to get across was on a ferry boat. But the ferry boat man was charging so much money that Edward and Campbell refused to go on the boat. And when the boat got out in the middle of the river, it was wrecked and the people were thrown into the water. And the ferry rock and yelling for help. Do you think anybody will save him? Let's read now and find out. Here we go with Dick's adventures. Say the magic words with me. Riggity pack, kazack, kazick. Let's have music for adventure stick. A swindling rascally ferryman who was charging cutthroat prices during the height of the California gold rush has accidentally capsized his own craft. And from midstream he yells, Help! A thousand dollars to anyone who can save me! After a moment of hesitation, Dick and editor Campbell plunge in to save the man. But the current is stronger than they thought. And three lives are in peril instead of one. Last picture top row, they are swept downstream. Then suddenly first picture second row are swept close to some rocks near the shore. And the three floundering swimmers are fished out by a couple of Indians and staggered to safety. They find themselves in an Indian camp. Last picture second row, once on their feet again, Campbell says, And I don't forget you owe the Indians one thousand dollars reward for saving your life. The boatman swings at Campbell. I am not paying them a cent. And you neither. First picture bottom row, Dick shouts, You're not getting away with this. And Dick goes after the boatman too. And then a quiet voice commands, Pay them the thousand dollars, Big Ben. The men stop fighting. Dick looks up and sees a tall man neatly dressed holding a gun. Pay them the thousand dollars, Big Ben. The Dick surprised the boatman immediately, takes the money out of his pocket and hands it to the Indians. And then, last picture, the stranger with the gun says, Now get off my property, all of you. I don't want any gold hunters here. Well, I know how you feel, but it's the Christian thing to do. I suppose so. But it wasn't Christian of that ferry boatman to hit editor Campbell after he saved his life. No, but you see, he lost out in the end. The strange man with the gun made the ferry boatman pay the Indians. Yes, he does. He lost out this strange man next week. But now, look below Dick's adventures. There's Rusty Riley. Oh, yes, a horse called Silver Lad. And the horse has to be at the milestone farm by tomorrow. But some crooks have led Tex and Rusty into a trap. They got them off the road among the trees so Tex couldn't turn the truck around to get it back on the road. Yes, but remember, last week, Tex chopped down enough trees to turn the truck around. And then Rusty found some letters in the cabin showing that the two men that they'd met there were Velvet Cane's men. And Velvet Cane, you know he's a crook. Yes, well, let's see what happens now that Tex and Rusty know who Scrub and Porky are. Here we go with Rusty Riley. Get up and run till the road is dusty. Give us music for his horse and Rusty. After hearing from Rusty that the two men Scrub and Porky are working for Velvet Cane, Tex says, stay here, Rusty. I'm going to have a word with that fella called Scrub Markey. Did you notice where you went? Well, he was sitting in that old car. There's a couple of minutes ago, Tex. Last picture, top row, Tex walks over to the car at the edge of the clearing. Scrub Markey is standing there. Markey, I got good reason to believe you're working for Velvet Cane. This year, detour, Gag, was to keep us from getting to Lexington in time. Well, it ain't going to work. Very smart of you to figure that out. But don't be too sure you're out of the woods, Purdy. First picture bottom row, Tex says. Well, we've turned around and we're ready to roll. Now, I warn you, I can get tough. So don't try to stop me. Have it your own way, big boy. But if I was you, I wouldn't try driving over that bridge. Tex walks to the truck. All right, come on, Rusty, let's go. Okay, Tex. Well, what do you think you meant about the bridge? Meanwhile, the sheriff who had discovered the detour sign had been taken down as followed the other road leading to the cabin to investigate. The sheriff had stumbled over the wire in the dark. He turns to his deputies and says, Are you boys still here in the road and stop anybody who comes along? I am going to follow up this wire. Right, Sheriff. The sheriff makes his way through the woods, following the wire. He finds that it leads to the bridge. Last picture, he follows it under the bridge and finds it comes to an end around three little sticks. The sheriff says to himself, Gee, Horcifat, there's a charge of dynamite under this bridge truss. He's covered the dynamite under the bridge. Yes, but if he doesn't hurry and cut that wire before Tex starts his truck, he may be blown up. Oh yes, because if Tex starts to leave the clearing, the scrub is going to blow two honks on his horn, and that will be the signal for Parkie to set off the dynamite and blow up the bridge. Well, if that happens before the sheriff cuts that wire, the dynamite might blow up in his face and he'd be killed. Oh, I wonder what will happen. Well, we'll find out that next week. But now that's all the time I have. But before I go, here's that nice fellow with some more interesting information. Well, honey and all your boys and girls, I gotta go now. All right, next week. Okay, that's a date, and a date with all your boys and girls. Be sure to meet me with our little friend Miss Honey next week when I read Puck the Comic Weekly. For I'm the Comic Weekly man, the Jolly Comic Weekly man. I'll be back to read the funnies to you happy boys and honeys. Don't forget, boys and girls, see you all next week. Your friend the Comic Weekly man, the Jolly Comic Weekly man.