 But today I have to speak my mind. I cannot believe it. No matter what I do, I cannot believe it. Alright guys, welcome back to the channel. If you're new, my name is Bobby. Guys, I just finished my workout and I'm headed back home. Therefore, it's already very very late. It is 9 p.m. around here, so excuse the bad lighting. I put on a little lamp in the background. I hope this will help. That being said, the topic of the video is I am heretic. What do I mean by that? For that, we have to go way way back and explain my path to faith, if you will. Roughly three years ago, I quit veganism. Once I quit veganism, I saw that all that I believed was just that. A belief. A built belief system. A brain washing. A conditioning that I put myself into. An operating mode, if you will. That belief was based on, quote unquote, science. Because the science, at least the science that I selectively read, pointed towards a plant-based diet, pointed towards veganism. Environmentally speaking as well, of course. Therefore, I based my belief on those studies. However, once my health failed and veganism crumbled with it, the belief in science, the scientism, crumbled as well. Out of the sudden, I had a completely brand new perspective on this world. More than that, I would say it was a coming back to senses, if you will. Therefore, you can't really say it was a brand new perspective. It was much more my normal state of being. This state of being that we are all born with. I'm a father now. My son is eight months old. When I see him, I know that he has no delusions. He simply is. He is in the present moment without any illusions. Without any delusions. He simply sees what is without interpretation. This is how I lived my life for the longest time until I became vegan. Once veganism crumbled, as I said, I reverted to that mindset and out of the sudden I was seeking God. Because when I was a child, I was always praying to God. My parents were Christian Orthodox and therefore I was baptized as a Christian Orthodox. However, they weren't really practicing Christians. Nobody knows about the Trinity, about Christology, about theoses or anything on those lines. They were simply Christians by default. That was the religion that was given to them. But even though they weren't very religious, they definitely believed in God. And so did I for the longest time. However, during veganism, during my excursion into the new age I let go of religious belief systems because I wanted to free myself from man-made structures. I wanted to free myself from external belief systems and free myself from religious dogma. I wanted to think for myself. And more than that, I wanted to experience for myself. I wanted to explore by myself. And this is how I got into mushrooms, ayahuasca, shamanism, Buddhism, Hinduism, etc. I essentially lived by Bruce Lee's quote, keep what is useful, discard what is not, be water my friend. For a long time I felt good living that way. But as I said, after veganism, I had this yearning for God. I missed God. I wanted to reconnect God. I wanted to know what it means to be in communion with God. I want to understand what relationship we have with God. During that time, many of my subscribers reached out to me and they started telling me about Jesus, about Christianity. And it was exactly that time because of me quitting veganism that I connected with Tristan from Primal Edge Health. And Tristan, to my surprise, was an orthodox Christian. That was shocking to me. That was such a surprise. Why wouldn't American be an orthodox Christian? Why wouldn't American have my faith? Even though I wasn't practicing, culturally we are all very identified with our faiths on the Balkan. Let me give you a little side story here. I had a Serbian friend that told me he will tattoo a huge cross on his biceps just to piss Albanians off. Yes, that is the mindset on the Balkan. It really isn't about true spiritual conviction but about cultural identification. You are proud to be a Christian orthodox or you are proud to be a Muslim and those labels are there to fight each other. Really, those religions have been used and abused to fight each other similar to football clubs and what not. Nationality, etc, etc, you name it. Therefore I found it so strange that an American would take on the identification of Christian orthodoxy and that made me curious. I started researching, I started looking into it on the pursuit of God, on the pursuit of understanding God. I dived into the books of Father Seraphim Rose, into the books of Father Spyridon Bailey, I read Christ, The Eternal Tau, a very interesting book that combines Taoism and Christian orthodoxy and essentially declares that the Tau was, after all, the eternal Christ that has always existed. It was very interesting. I dived into the topic of theosis becoming God. It gave me an interesting alternative explanation to the experiences that I gathered in my mushroom trips or on my ayahuasca experiences, etc, etc. It was phenomenal but I have to stress that I was pursuing God. So I got into Christian orthodoxy loving it, loving the aesthetic of it, be it optically or be it the chance, absolutely beautiful interface, if you will, absolutely beautifully put together religions, so holy, so magnificent, so grandiose, absolutely mesmerizing. However, and now comes the turning point of the story, I hadn't heard about the Trinity. And I'm going to tell you again, out of my experience on the Balkan, 99.99999% of people won't know what the Trinity is, nor would they know that the Trinity supposedly is God. They know about the Father, they know about the Son, they know about the Holy Spirit. But I guarantee you, they don't know that supposedly those three persons are one divine being, three persons in one essence, so to speak. This was a huge surprise to me. Honestly, I heard about the Trinity here and there, but I believed that this is some sort of Catholic conception. I couldn't believe that the Orthodox Church Fathers believed in the Trinity as well. Especially if you look into the Christian Orthodox mysticism, you find a lot of talk about the unity of God or unity of experience, essentially a non-dual perspective. And this is, of course, something that goes hand in hand with my own experiences and, of course, with so many experiences of others that dived into the mystical realm, that dived into the spiritual realm. So I was really surprised. And to be honest, I was a bit let down. Nevertheless, I told myself, man, I subscribed to Christian Orthodoxy, so I might be wrong. Of course, why not? People are wrong all the time. I had many wrong conceptions about reality. Hey, I went vegan after all. I went wrong there, so maybe I'm wrong about the reality of God. Maybe I'm wrong about the unity of God, and God in reality is a triune being. So I wrestled with my faith. I wrestled with that concept. I wrestled with that idea for essentially two years. And no matter from which perspective I looked at the subject, I couldn't find an explanation. I couldn't find an explanation by myself, and I couldn't find an explanation within the faith, because ultimately it was proposed to me as one of the greatest mysteries. But that wasn't, and that isn't enough for me. I am a truth seeker after all. I'm of the firm conviction that truth, the essence of truth, is always simple. It cannot be complicated, and it cannot be so complicated that the layman cannot understand it. For every human being I am convinced there is a path to God. It cannot be so mind-wrenching that a common man cannot understand his relationship towards God. It cannot be that complicated, and it cannot be irrational. Your Lord is not a Lord of confusion after all. Listen guys, I'm not making this video to convince anybody. I'm not here to tell you that I'm right now. There is no trinity. I'm not here to debunk anything either. I'm not here to debate. I'm not here to prove a point. I'm simply here to share my perspective as I've always done. For the past two years I've been wrestling with this subject, and I cannot believe it. That's it. That's the truth. I know that this will let down many of my viewers, but hey, this is nothing new for Bobby's perspective. I let down the vegans. I let down the Macedonians. That's the name of the game on this channel. I simply share my perspective, take it or leave it. You will have to make your own experience. And if the trinity truly is a satisfying concept of God for you, then more power to you and joy. I am happy for you. My God is not three. My God is one. No matter if you read it in the Bible, no matter if you pray in silence, there is only one address, the creator of all things, the ultimate reality, absolute union, absolute perfection, the absolute itself. There is no other in the supreme being. That is the supreme being. The supreme being cannot have any other persons. And again, if you want to believe that Jesus is God, that is fine. Jesus, for me, is a God sent. Jesus' message is what brings you to God. Jesus is by that definition a son of God. But in the way that it is described, I can find no truth within that statement. They say that God has begotten a son. But on the other hand, they say that Jesus is eternal. But was there not a begotting? So if there was a begotting, a birthing, if you will, that must have happened at some point. Even the relationship explanation, the archetype of father and son, already implies that the father was there before. I mean, it is so damn simple that I don't even understand how people can come up with a triune God. I don't understand what the reasoning behind it is. For two years straight, guys, believe me, I've been praying on it. I've been meditating on it. I've been trying so hard to believe it. In the end, I found myself trying to make myself believe that the Trinity is true. But today I have to speak my mind. I cannot believe it. No matter what I do, I cannot believe it. I had plenty of experiences, be it through psychedelics or be it through silent praying. Even if you look into Christian mystics such as Meister Eckhardt, you will see that in the end there is always a description about the total unity of God. Even though within the Christian context, they still rely on a Trinity that that original union then splits into almost like a tree that splits into three branches. And that is fine if that makes you happy yet again. However, it is nothing but a concept and God cannot be defined with such limited concept. I don't believe, I can't believe that you can define God as such. I can understand the idea behind it. God is the ultimate mystery. God the Creator can never be fully grasped and this is why humans need a human to guide them on their way. I get it and this is what the prophets have done even before Jesus, you had Moses or Abraham and those prophets guided the people of their time towards the truth of monotheism, the one God. And again, it even says in the Bible, here Israel, your God is one. It's very straightforward but because people are in such dire need of understanding God they attributed human attributes to God in order to quantify His majesty, His essence. But ultimately, are you not still left with the complete miracle of who the real Creator is? Even if you want to attribute Jesus as a part of the Holy Trinity you still don't understand what God truly is. You still don't understand what the Holy Spirit truly is. You don't. You simply have a story about Jesus Christ. You have the Gospels about Jesus Christ and then you have the interpretations of the Church Fathers. This is on what you base your belief. But the ultimate question is, do you know God? In the Bible it states, be still and know that I am God. Have you ever meditated on that? Have you ever reflected upon that? And again, even in orthodoxy, you have the so-called hesychast which is the silent prayer. Try it out. Try it out for yourself and then you will see what you will find. Seek and ye shall find. Again, you can find that in the Bible. Again, I'm not here to convince anybody. You can believe what you want. I don't want anybody to believe what I'm saying here. I'm not making this video to start a discussion, start a debate, debunk Christian orthodoxy. None of those things. I'm simply expressing myself as I've always done on this channel. This is why it's called Bobby's Perspective. And when I don't express myself freely on this channel, I'm not myself and I can't be happy. This really makes me happy. I know that many people treat YouTube as a job and they do certain things that will be successful commercially. I don't do it for that reason. I do it as an honest self-expression. And if I don't express myself honestly, I am not honest in front of God. I cannot live in delusions. Hence, I'm seeking truth. Hence, I'm expressing myself truthfully. Alright, guys. And this is it for today's video. Let me know in the comments what you think. Do you believe in the Trinity? Do you believe in the One God? Do you believe Jesus' God? Let us have a chat. Thank you so much for your participation. Thank you so much for your support, guys. If you liked the video, leave it a thumbs up. If you haven't subscribed already, guys, please do so. And as always, may God bless you all. Much love and peace.