 Forces, our public affairs series that focuses on folks who have chosen to spend some or a lot of their time in the field of social activism. We are interested in knowing what drives them, what their journey has been to get there, and also, of course, what causes or causes it is that they are devoting themselves to. Today, I am very pleased to welcome into our studio Valerie Overton. She is, among other things, co-chair of Lex Pride. And Valerie, first of all, welcome. Thank you. Thanks for coming. What immediately precipitates your visit is that there's an event coming up. We're speaking to you on November 14th. And just a few days away, there's an event that I would just like to start off by inviting you to describe. And yeah, just let us know what the details are about it. Sure. Great. So, on Sunday, November 17th, we are going to be holding a Transgender Day of Remembrance Commemoration. It's going to be four to six p.m. at First Parish in Lexington. It's sponsored by Lexington and also co-sponsored by the Arlington Rainbow Commission, which we're really delighted to be partnering with the Rainbow Commission, as well as First Parish is co-sponsoring as well. Oh, First Parish here in Arlington as well? In Lexington. Oh, Lexington. Got it. So, the Transgender Day of Remembrance, the commemoration that we'll be doing, has two parts. The first part from four to five is really a way of bringing people together to connect and to get to know each other and to kind of think about the issues in a way that's easy and comfortable. So, we'll be making trans ribbons, the commemorative ribbons, we'll be decorating candles, we'll have flip charts about ideas of what the trans community needs and what kinds of actions people in the community can take to help the trans community and to help diffuse kind of issues around transphobia in the community. And then from five to six is the Remembrance itself, and so we'll have some folks giving a little background, telling their personal stories from their experiences as transgender people. We'll do the lighting of the candles and poems and songs, and then kind of highlight ideas for action that folks in the community, just ordinary people, not necessarily those who are activists, can take to just help make this a more peaceful world for the community. Right. I can imagine that you are not only interested in but would welcome, would embrace, you know, folks coming to this event who are not necessarily even connected through, in their own personal lives or in any other way, with the transgender community. In fact, maybe you'd especially like to invite folks like that in. That's right. Absolutely. This really is an event for everyone. We absolutely welcome people from the transgender community, and of course we welcome people from all facets of life. In fact, in our last few years when we've done these transgender Days of Remembrance, a lot of times it is people from the community who don't have direct connections who come. And partly it's a learning experience. And partly it's a way just to express caring, even if they're not directly connected to just express that caring, that we are connected by a shared humanity. And it's not always easy to find ways to express that. Well before we leave this topic and move on to your kind of your life of social activism more generally, I want to take the opportunity to ask a question. And let me give you a little background. I was a teacher in a high school here in Boston for many years. And it was a high school that was very welcoming to people just across all different kinds of spectrums, but including gender identity. And I know as far as 10, 12 years ago I had advisees and there were students in the school who were gender non-binary or transgender or somewhere in transition, et cetera. And who requested that we refer to them by pronouns that they're comfortable with, specifically in this case they and them. And I was a community basically full of well-intentioned, supportive adults and kids around this kind of thing. Nonetheless, we, the adults, consistently struggled with that pronoun. And I know that it is just, it just is an ongoing issue for folks within the community, outside the community, those, again, mainly everybody who wants to support people who are in that situation and respect that. And yet there is, so my question, you know, that's a long preamble to a simple question. Like how, is it simply just repetition, repetition, repetition so that you can get used to it? Or is there any way to approach this, again, so as not to create confusion or feel confusion oneself when, again, using the appropriate pronouns they and them to refer to a single individual? Right, yeah, it's, you know, it's definitely an adjustment. What we're seeing now is that, you know, various dictionaries, the American Psychological Association, and a variety of kind of fairly mainstream organizations have adopted they, them as a singular pronoun for someone who is either gender non-binary or who's gender you don't know. And so typically what I say is, you know, whenever I go to events or conduct training workshops or anything else, I always start out by practicing using pronouns. I'll introduce myself. Hi, I'm Valerie Overton. My pronouns are she, her, and I'm here to do whatever the case may be. And the more you model using the pronouns and just practice it, because it feels awkward at first. But the more you practice it, the more comfortable it becomes. And I think the other thing is that it does feel awkward for a lot of people who aren't accustomed to it, to use the they, them pronoun for a single person. I think one way to think about it is that, you know, if you, we often use they, them pronouns for someone who's gender we don't know or a generic kind of a person, you know, you know, is there someone out there who can get me coffee? Can they please add some, you know, milk and sugar or whatever, right? So we do that anyway, and it's just something that we do without thinking. And the more we practice using they, them when we're either uncertain about gender, or we know that that person is non-binary, the easier it gets. And it's really just a matter of being respectful. You know, there's really not anything more to it than that. Right, right. And again, it is a, it's a small point. It really isn't nearly as significant as, as, as any number of other kind of issues and challenges for both people within, again, the community of the non-gendered or, or, or, or expansively gendered, etc. But, you know, also for others. Anyway, this just happens to be a little universal kind of thing that everybody, you know, everybody has some kind of connection to this issue through that, you know, the awkwardness or the comfort that you can achieve. And I think one way of thinking about it too is that in some ways it seems like a small point. On the other hand, I know that when people are misgendered, it can be very painful. It can be like this non-recognition of who I am or this rejection of who I am, depending on the intent. And so my son, who is transgender, when he would be misgendered, he described it to me as feeling like he was punched in the gut, because it was such a negation of who he was as a person. Right. And so if I were to refer to you with female pronouns, it would feel wrong to you, it would be a negation of your identity. And in the same way with a transgender person, it's a negation of their identity and a negation of their personhood. Right. So it's a small point, but it also makes a huge difference in terms of establishing authentic, respectful connection with people. Yeah, and the fact of the matter is that regrettably, as we all know, transgendered people and everybody in such situations are already dealing with enough actual hostility. Yes. You know, people who don't care and are not going to respect them, etc. So, you know, at least from the community, large community of those of us who fully support, you know, we want to make sure we're doing the right thing and, you know, we need to struggle with what we struggle with, you know, pronoun or otherwise in order to do so. And just one last thought on that is that sometimes people worry about making a mistake or saying the wrong thing, or they feel guilty or ashamed if they realize that they've made a mistake. And I think one thing to know is that in general, the LGBT community doesn't care if you make a mistake, right? It's okay to make a mistake. I make mistakes sometimes, right? We all make mistakes. And so just a quick, simple apology and then using the correct pronouns is all it takes to be respectful. We don't need to, like, belabor it or get into, like, lengthy apologies. I appreciate you making that last point because that is definitely another common touchstone for, I think, a lot of people who are wanting to be, again, supportive of those in this, in that situation. And, yeah, think that, oh, my God, you know, and that will inhibit them from any number of other things. So the faster you can just move, you know, understanding this, you having laid that out, hopefully means move right through it and get to the stuff that really matters, actual communication, et cetera. So speaking of communication, let's talk a little bit more again. As I explained earlier, this series really does seek to, you know, talk to and I was going to say kind of find out the secrets. But not really. Just more very much focus on what your particular journey has been to the life you've chosen, what that life looks like now, as well as what challenges are inherent in having chosen that life for you. So with that kind of very open-ended invitation, I just want to invite you to tell us some about, you know, how social activism has functioned in your life. Sure. Yes. It's actually been an important part of my life since childhood. Growing up in the 60s, you know, that was the time of a lot of activism on a lot of fronts in terms of anti-war, peace movements, the civil rights movement, both of those were certainly very influential on me. I grew up in California at a time and place where the area where I grew up was very agricultural. And there was a lot of migrant farm workers who would be, you know, sprayed from overhead from planes going by. And so the migrant farm workers struggle for decent treatment was also very formative in my early years. And so I became involved at a fairly young age in terms of volunteering with soup kitchens, advocating for migrant farm workers' rights, advocating for civil rights, domestic violence and intimate partner abuse were big parts of what I was working on in those early years as well. So those were things that kind of touched me from the environment that I lived in as a starting point. Yeah. And it's interesting to me that there's a certain commonality to several of those kind of causes or issues, I would say, by which I mean you recognize that there was inequity or injustice or both. And you wanted to do something to help the person or group of people who were being adversely affected, who were being discriminated against, who were being in some way put in harm's way. Does that, you know, I mean that's a drive that a lot of us feel, of course, but is that connect to the family you're raised in as well? Oh, sure. Or was it really? Sure, absolutely. You know, I grew up kind of below the poverty line. I grew up in a family with an abusive father, so the domestic violence was close to my heart. My friends were the children of migrant farm workers. Some of us would play in the fields, and we would be sprayed as well. So, and I was aware of, even in California, there were some efforts at segregation with Mexican-Americans and Native Americans. So it was very much kind of affecting me personally, as well as my family members and my friends. So this was really kind of in the trenches struggle, I would say. And clearly not just I'm going to help them, but that they are me, and I am them, yeah. Right. And I always felt that I was, I mean, I knew that I was different, too, because from a young age, I recognized that back then I would say I like girls, but now I would say I'm a lesbian. I didn't really have the language for it back then. And I knew it wasn't safe to talk about it. People in those days and in that area were killed for being gay or brutally attacked. And so that also was another area that was important to me to find ways to express ways of advancing equity and justice in whatever ways I could. And in those early years, the LGBT area was not a safe place for me to be. Right. And perhaps in this conversation, maybe in another conversation, we'll be able to explore and, I think, quite frankly, celebrate the amazing distance that we have moved in a relatively short space of time as a society around those very issues. But let me ask you right now, so did your social activism from an early age around those kinds of issues then inform or determine your actual professional aspirations in your education and then what you've done since then? Or is it happening in parallel? Yeah, a little bit of both. So I was very fortunate to be able to come out east and go to a really nice college in Western Mass. Went to Smith College, and it was very much a stroke of luck for me from where I came from to be able to do that. And initially, I had aspirations of becoming a doctor because I thought that that would be a way to work with people who were disadvantaged and didn't have access to good health care. We take a winding road, however. I wound up not doing that. Eventually, I got into public health education and public health evaluations. So that is a way for me to make a difference in a different kind of a way. And I'm very fortunate to be able to work on projects that really make a difference in terms of environmental and medical justice. And then I always kind of had the other outlets, though, in terms of for each, I feel like each decade, there was a new civil rights movement. Women's rights and HIV AIDS and gay rights and disability rights and so on and so forth. So how have you kind of navigated over the decades now? We often talk about the work-life balance. In this case, the work-social activism balance. How has that worked for you? Have there been particular challenges that you've had to deal with, whether it's energy and not enough sleep or what, but in terms of kind of persisting with these dual commitments for so long? Yeah, absolutely. There's definitely been challenges. And certainly the work-life balance or work-social justice life balance has been kind of a lifelong struggle for me, because I'm someone who always wants to do more than perhaps I should be. So that's always something that I try to work on in terms of maintaining a balance, because there are definitely long periods of time where I perhaps am not getting as much sleep as I should. We're not kind of visiting family and friends as often as I would like to. I mean, these are the kinds of sacrifices that do happen, right? Right. And then the other side, too, is in terms of work. For example, in the early 80s, I was working at a research institute in Boston. And it just happened to be that I was in a series of rallies and protests in those times. And I was captured on TV. And so there I was, Valerie Overton on TV. For all to see, right, including your employer. And so it was tough. It was tough. So was that because your employer didn't appreciate that? Yes. I faced a lot of harassment at work in those days for that reason. Yes. So it was pretty tough in those days. I'm fortunate now to work for an employer that I think is much, you know, the times have changed. And also it is kind of a socially conscious kind of a company. And even then, as a professional, I think a lot of LGBTQ professionals, there's always kind of this balance in terms of, well, we're well accepted in the workplace. Is it OK for me to refer to my life and what I'm doing with clients, for example? There's just kind of different considerations for us than there are for heterosexual people who wouldn't think twice about saying, like I went to a barbecue with my wife and I would hear, or you know, et cetera. Yeah. So there still are those kinds of considerations that we need to think about. And right now, in our introduction, I had alluded to your role within Lex Pride as a co-chair. Is that the primary place where your social activism, your social justice energy is going right now? I would say it's the primary place. I also am involved in a variety of other organizations among Lexington's Diversity Advisory Task Force. I am a member of Lexington's MLK planning committee. So we're planning our activities for MLK day and the weekend right now. I'm active in the Lexington Community Coalition and just recently helped to organize a series of community conversations on the book, White Fragility. So I do a lot of kind of planning of events and also advocacy in the schools and with the business community and with local government and the community in general. One of the things that we did with Lex Pride, for example, is to establish an open to all campaign in Lexington so that businesses and other organizations who committed to serving all people equally without discrimination could have an open to all decal on their business doors or their websites or whatever the case may be. So it's fairly varied. Yeah. We do everything from professional development workshops to film screenings. Yeah, I can tell that it is very varied. And again, it has extended over a decade. So one thing that we like to do in driving forces is, first of all, imagine that we have an audience out there who are some of whom are going to be listening to the conversation in a situation in which they aren't involved with other things and they may be open to it. They may even be thinking about it. But they're not sure how that happens or, again, what they have to be willing to give up, for instance, et cetera. So you have a lot of experience now. And I wonder if I just could ask you if there are... Again, I would hate to ask for bullet points or anything like that, but what are two or three things that you would share as wisdom that you've acquired over time for somebody, again, not yet in touch with this part of their own personality or life, but who might be open to it? Sure. I think that one thing that's really helpful first is just to go to a couple of events or read the resources or connect with the topic of interest in some way. Because that is really, and hopefully in some personal way, to sometimes these events, a lot of times we have people who tell their personal stories so that you can connect on the human level and really get a more kind of gut understanding of the issues. And when you do that, it helps to inspire us to take action and it increases our knowledge, of course. And then I would say to really value the impact of conversation. And so even if you are not someone who wants to become a hardcore activist, if you get connected to an issue, whether it's transphobia or any other issue, talking with people and your neighbors and family members and coworkers and so forth about the issue has a huge impact. Because that's how we spread awareness from a person to person, engaged, connected kind of a way. And that is one of the most effective things that people can do. In terms of becoming active, visit Lex Pride. Of course. There are so many ways to get involved and we can, and other organizations too, but we can kind of talk with you about what is your time like? Do you have an hour a week, an hour a month, an hour a day? Are you someone who likes to work behind the scenes? Are you someone who likes to be more upfront and kind of facilitating? Are you someone who likes to write? Are you someone who likes to draw? There's all different kinds of skills and personalities and tasks to match. And so we can connect people with kind of short, simple, one-off kinds of tasks to longer initiatives. And so I think don't be shy to connect with us or another organization. And just explore possibilities because chances are whatever your personality type is, whatever your time frame is, there's something that you can do. And as you said, it could be one hour a day for some people, it could be one hour a month for some people that's all social, active, or it's all contributing to the common good in a sense. Or it could be 10 hours this month and then not for another few months. There's lots of different opportunities. And then just showing up, for whatever event is going on is really helpful. Yeah, so I think a couple of really excellent takeaways there. One, which I had not heard before and which makes total sense to me, being a person who engages in these kinds of conversations that we're having like we're having today and really enjoys them, but the power of conversation, as you just said, the fact that that alone, if you're doing that with, you are in a sense, acting. You are in a way and that's a great takeaway. And then the other thing that you were just mentioning, hey, if you're interested in a topic, find an organization, walk into the door because that organization is most likely gonna be very happy to see you and be able to deal with whatever. Right, and be able to take whatever you can offer and use that to start working for good. And so, again, two really excellent takeaways. I did, the first thing that you mentioned also allows us to circle back, which I'd like to do just to end our conversation, back to the, you said, go to events, start to explore this. So again, let's hope that this is encouraging some folks to come to the day of, to the transgender remembrance on this coming Sunday, the 17th, because I'm struck by the fact that you said that that second half of the proceedings of the event is really gonna be, it sounds very personal. Yes. And very much people sharing their stories, responding to those stories, connecting around those stories. And that does seem to me always a very profound kind of experience for anybody to have. One of the most kind of connecting things that we can do. And I think that one of the things that we see a lot of times with, particularly around the issue of transgender day of remembrance when we're honoring the lives lost due to kind of brutal transphobic violence, is that sometimes we lose sight of the humanity. Like these were really human beings who had lives and hearts and souls and connections and so forth. And we need to really remember the human factor and connect around kind of our grief and also our power to honor people and to make change. And so that kind of personal connection really matters to us and making this a very authentic, engaging, relatable kind of an event. Yeah, and I have to say, in just listening to you know, I was very struck by a realization that you're right that when it comes to a day of transgender remembrance or transgender day of remembrance, there's something fundamentally different about that kind of commemoration because it's not a disease. It's not a natural disaster. It's not something, it's people, it's violence. It's the very worst kinds of experiences that we can inflict on ourselves. And that's gonna be disproportionately the story of the folks who are being remembered. The transgender day of remembrance actually started 21 years ago with the murder of Rita Hester in Boston. So although it's a national and international day, it started in Boston with the death of a beloved community member who I had met, you know, although I didn't know her very well. And it was a way of just funneling our outpouring of grief and desire to have her be remembered respectfully and not just by the circumstances of her death. And so I really think about that each year that we really want to remember the humanity of the people who we've lost and recognize the abhorrent violence, but not put that on the lives of the people who we've lost. Right, focus on the living part of their lives. Yes. Not how they died. Yeah, I'm really, really good. Again, another great takeaway in general and that applies to even beyond these particular circumstances, I think. Well, let me just ask you to remind everybody of where we started this conversation, which is the day of remembrance that will be happening. Give us the details one more time before we go. Sure, yeah. So the transgender day of remembrance will be this Sunday, November 17th from four to six p.m. at First Parish in Lexington. And it's we welcome anyone and everyone. And you're welcome to come to either the first half or the second half or both. Be great to come to both parts. But they really provide kind of different ways in, in terms of kind of having that kind of connection through activity piece for the first half and that connection through stories and kind of the personal experience in the second half. So we invite people to join us for that. And it seems like a really well-structured event, as you said, for both four folks who are deeply steeped in the community already and those from outside who would just be interested in walking in. So best of luck with it. I'm so glad that you came in today. It's been an excellent conversation. Really appreciate it. And we look forward to checking back in with you again. We've got some future data about how things, you know, not just how things go on Sunday, but how things are going in general. Sure. All right. Yeah, great. Thanks for inviting me. Thanks very much, Valerie. And that is Valerie Overton, who is our guest on this episode of Driving Forces. I'm James Milan. We really appreciate your being here.