 I am well, so is it all your fault? It's always women's fault Kayla Kyla Kyla, I'm sorry Kyla I want a marriage Okay, you ended it Okay So I got a how old are you? 35 7 years how long ago did it in a Year and a half now January will be two years. Oh you marked the anniversary damn you ended it. Where's it? What is he doing now? So I asked the question sis, did you go to college? So did you know in college that you wanted to be a married woman? You know the follow-up questions. Why'd you accept a man who wasn't marriage-minded? Okay Oh, that's some game Some bullshit. No, no, no, no, where's where's daddy Kyla Kyla Okay So did dad meet him The dad approve of him Did you meet his mom and dad? Okay, there's something off here. I Got to do a little probing because the dad approved of him That mean he was lying to dad too He was a good guy, but But if you're saying you were talking about marriage, okay Let's move the football in what time frame because that's what's one thing to talk about marriage as a global concept But it's that is at the two-year mark. You should be talking specifics And then but what happened there I want to go to year two I want to go to year two What are we doing? What are we moving towards? He says I do want to marry him, but I'm not in a predicament to marry him yet Okay So what did your father say in year two when he said that to you? Honestly, he didn't He didn't say anything. What does your dad do for a living? He is a pastor Does your mother earn more than him? My mother is a registered nurse. Does your mother earn more than him? He does okay um Yeah, it makes sense Makes sense. Um How this should have worked was you Should have gone into this sounding like you sound But in year two If there was not a ring Do you just walk Let me let me tell you ladies one of the things one of the worst things you do is hanging on to men who tell you Stuff that doesn't make sense You know, it didn't make any sense to be with him another five years He still had access to your body, correct? He did yes. Okay, but he wasn't paying the price You're right So this is where I got to go back to you because even if dad dropped the ball You're not a you're not a young girl. You met him at 26. Yeah, come on sis Because and why am I hammering on this because this is going to be the template that you take into next in other relationships I know And that's where I I want to make sure that I'm not doing things wrong um, and I guess that's why I called in because this This topic is relatable Am I at fault? I guess I am. Yeah, you're you're you're you're at fault for okay, I think Especially for a man over age 30. How long well, let me ask you a question before I'm saying this How long do you think it should take a man? To propose With a year and a half two years But I saw a potential and I wanted to be his back I asked you how long do you think it should take a man to propose? A year and a half Okay, lean lean it. Let me let me let me talk to you lean in a little bit No six months A man knows whether or not he wants to make a man knows whether or not he wants to be married or not Men do not fall in love and decide to get married. That's what you guys do Husbands go looking for wives How many times have you heard stories where we met in under 30 days? We were married six months Six months many times six months And then I know a lot of guys in the chat room. Oh man, uh, you you got a bit and something so forth those guys aren't husbands I don't listen to guys. We talk all right. Let's go man. You know what the way people are look You can find you can run any background check or anything you need to know about somebody With today's connect the world and have the wealth of information Because you can't know about it. You won't know anybody until you actually are married and moving together You won't know the truth So I I reject when I see unmarried dudes dudes that have never been married talking about oh, man That's gonna take me at least two or three years Then you carry your ass on over to wherever you think you'll find a sucker that's gonna Just say you don't want to be married, dude You're not ready for it and conversely a lot of women have bought into this stuff. You don't have two or three years It should take six months or less So let me help the young women Young ladies if you know you want to be married Lead with marriage And don't deal with men who are not talking about marriage Not as a global concept But specifically put a clock on it I'm not telling I don't play games with men. But hey, if you're not talking marriage and I have people in my facebook group Who are dating already and they're already talking marriage is our marriage is a foregone conclusion of people in the group These particular folks So yes, it's it's your fault for letting it go on But how do you get out of this ditch first? Are you in counseling or therapy? She muted herself I'm gonna mute you Are you in counseling or therapy? Sorry, I don't know what got on you. Um, I am not at any Oh I just kind of been trying to do what I'm not No Let me say that again. Let me say it real loud so you can hear it Your best thing can got you in the ditch you're in right now Why not go to Why not go to therapy? Oh, I'm gonna go Because One you wonder you wanna you you're gonna have to completely bury this How long have you guys been apart two years? Yeah So Popular theory says about a third of the time you with somebody is how long it takes to process it You want to make sure this is dead? Have you gone no contact with this person? It was over for me long before, you know, I ended it. Um No, I just need to know that you're not are you are you guys communicating? Do you have visibility to one another? No, we don't we don't then that that's it. That's what I mean So Therapy to make sure you are clear. See if you know, you want to be married and have kids How did you say you were again? Yeah, see, you know time to play No time to play Um therapy has to Therapy has to happen. Um, are you do you actively work out? I do All right, because fitness has to be on there Um, but this can be this can be salvaged because let me give you the positive side You have history of of dealing with a man For a length of time It was just the wrong man There are plenty of women out there who Have two or three months history with the men and they are serial daters Those are the kind of women that really give me pause because they're not relationship people You just have to um Revaluate some things and make sure that you're one You're not dragging in old memories to a new situations and two that you're very clear about what it is You want and why and then what you have to offer i.e. Bring to the table got it Got it. I have a lot to bring to the table. Okay. Well, that's for you to tell the people who want to get married I'm just putting it out there for everybody. All right. Thanks for coming in sis You too now. Bye. Bye. Bye um caroline sweet caroline How are you? I am well, how old are you? 27 Okay, I need you a little closer to the microphone. Is it always your is it always women's fault? I don't actually know. I think that's why i'm calling this because I I don't really have Um, a lot of experience. Uh oh and when I got I got into it kind of late and I was kind of scared off by the amount of dysfunction on all sides What I was hearing what are you talking about got into it Like the whole dating thing um I got into that really late because of my upbringing and what do you mean late? How old? Like last year So tell me about your dates not a dysfunction in everybody else Yeah, I think that that was what it is. It was my dates would like talk to me about their shape And it was the same thing. So I need to I need to make sure you're on the same page. You're 27 years old You just started dating when you were 25 or 26? 26. Yeah, why? Um, I grew up in a pretty sheltered home. I'm a christian. So am I we they still date All right. So am I all right. I grew up church a guy in christ some of the most Religious people on the planet, but there was still plenty of dating Yeah, not not in my life and I'm also Nigerian and so It's very much kind of like don't even think about a boy until you're finished with school. When did you finish with school? Um, when I was 23, so there's there's been plenty of time to think about boys Yeah, and I think that was my problem is that after I left school Um, I just because I didn't have like what you were saying the skills to deal with them I'm hearing excuses ma'am I'm hearing excuses No, no, I'm what I'm telling is I'm hearing excuses because they're not I deal with Nigerian college educated women Who are Christians and they have a date That sounds like a cover. Where's your dad? Um, he passed away Sorry to hear that What did he tell you about dating? Did he tell you to avoid me and completely? The only thing he told me about um dating was um Men aren't serious until they're uh 38. Well your mother and father married Is that a yes? Yes, well they married at his passing Is that a yes? I don't do that. Um, I need yeses or noes All right, so Uh, were you born in the States? Yes Okay, so being Nigerian doesn't matter you're culturally here Your parents are Nigerian. You're American Right Yes Have you lived in Nigeria? I know Have you visited Nigeria? Yeah You're not Nigerian So what it sounds to me like ma'am what state are you in? California North or northern or southern? Uh, I grew up in northern California. Well, are you in southern or northern now? I'm in uh, southern Sounds like you're a A socially awkward girl or woman And you have Nigerian Christian to use as a reason But I'm a Christian and I'm an American Church of God and Christ women cannot wear pants or makeup So I'm saying Um All right, let's fast forward when you started dating something changed And how did you meet the guy you went out the people you went out with? I just went on one of the dating apps. So you went from no dating to a dating app? Yeah You know those are horrible places to find people, right? I don't I didn't know anything. I still don't know um Well, where's your mother? She's here with me in uh, southern California. You have any siblings? I have a little brother Okay, is your mother? Okay. All right. So at 27 26 or 27 years old man, you sound like a about teenager Going on apps to find someone to date is a horrible idea Uh, you're not ready for the cesspool that's online Are you active in your church? Um, yeah, I am All right You sounded are you sure? Well, I had to think about what you meant by active, but I'm I'm a leader in the Bible study Um, are you how often are you? At church right now, um Not all but that when it was not covered and then I was just there every sunday right every sunday and wednesday And okay, what about the singles ministry? Uh, there is a problem. That's not my problem. What about your pastor? Um, is he involved in helping you try to find a maid or a date? Yeah Hey young lady, somebody has to help you You don't know what's going on out here using You say because you're christian but christians how to get it in They do they date too. I'm assuming you're still a virgin Yeah, all right. Well that presents several potential challenges. You can't do this on your own now You have nobody to talk to since don't you talk to your mother your father's gone And She allowed you to get to this age. She's not anybody could help you There's no way you should your mother should have allowed you to get to be this age And this naive about men But here's the thing You're close to 30. It's time for you to stop doing the little girl thing And step into the woman thing. Do you live on your own or do you live with your parents? Um, I moved back when my dad Do you live out of that question was a direct question? Sorry, uh, I don't Right why? I wanted to can you afford to live on your own? Can you afford to live on your own? Uh, that's a yes or no question right now. No, all right, so That's the problem Everything that I ask you you make it to be a virtue. You're 27. You're living at home But what should you be you should be out of the nest Working and taking care of yourself amongst adults Yeah, you went back to high school Okay But what It's just my dad I understand I'm not I like I understand man, but and I'm not trying to Harsh man But life happens If everybody went back home and lived with mom because dad passed that's not your responsibility You have a life And I asked you can you afford to live on your own? You said no Right, I mean I could figure it out Ma'am, can you afford to live on your own? What do you do for a living? That's not a career did you go to college? Yeah, you have a college degree And what? As a bachelor of art and drama television Right and how much did you make last year as an actress? Last year I didn't make anything Little girl's time to grow up I mean, are you trolling me? Are you trolling me? How much? This year I made 20 bucks I'm thinking I'm camera real quick Young lady That's $10 an hour This is unacceptable, ma'am Does money matter? Are you fucking kidding me? What do you mean does money matter? Do they give food away for free? I mean, I'm not talking to a 18-year-old, you're 27 Why is it? Okay, you're an actress That's just another word for Not not having a job Have you ever held consistent employment? Yes How long? Working for whom? Warner Brothers Doing what? I was an administrator And why are you no longer there? I couldn't deal with the hours What do you mean you couldn't deal with the hours? It was just very draining to be in that environment What does that mean? How many hours were you working? Ten what? Hour A day? A week? What? Oh sorry 40 to 50 hours a week Are you looking on the chat room? No All right Ma'am, how many hours was an adult supposed to work in this country? And that's what you were working 40 to 50 You couldn't deal with that? I mean, it wasn't really the work it was the type of work Then go find another job Um, you can do the little you can do the little dough I I feel sorry for me think but that doesn't work in the world sis No, I'm sorry. I just um, I thought maybe I would get um Get what? Okay, I'm sorry You need you need to be able to take care of yourself That is something that every college student knows You don't leave from college without them expecting you to go to work And you graduated what year what age? I technically graduated at 22 but um, I graduated early So for the 20 so for the last five years So you went to college. Do you have student loan debt? Is that a yes Yes, how much student loan debt are you in like 30 k 30 thousand dollars and who's paying that? Me How I figured out no no no no how? Um, I was working as a teacher online Um, and then I was working in the uk when I was living there Okay, so here's where it comes down to young lady. Um, it's time to grow out. It's time to grow up Um, you're living at home with mama And she's paying who's paying the mortgage We don't have to move out of the house. Who's paying the who's paying the overhead Both of us share it Who is paying the rent We share it how I mean, I'm working as an actor and I work as a teacher You made 20 000 dollars In acting How much is the mortgage or the rent? Per month How much are the utilities? How much are the groceries do you have a car? Yeah, we share a car And you make enough money. This is crazy Let me help you out young lady. No one's gonna come save you No man's gonna come fly in and say, hey 30 year old 30 000 dollar debt. Hi let me just He'd a vexler be getting a child and you need a wake-up call Knock off the acting stuff That's what you do after you have a 40 to 50 hour a week job paying some bills Because this has to be in whose name Who's who's the you live in an apartment? Or rental health Who's is your name on the lease? Yes Uh, maybe california is different, but you have to be able to have credit to live there So what i'm hearing from you what i'm hearing ma'am is 2100 house for apartment rent That's 25 000 dollars. And how much other rent do you pay? Well, how much money do you pay a month? How much do you pay? Dating's not on your radar young lady It's time to grow up um fantasy land acting My ex-wife was an actress And she and she used to think i was being too serious She never got it never she never got off it never went anywhere. She did national commercials short film But the most successful she was was when i was there Or each what kind of acne do you want to get into film? Yeah Motion pictures what? Um film or television do you have an act do you have a you have an agent? Yes Are you sag are you registered are you sag? No And how do you think you're gonna get in at your age? I mean there's actually A study that most people male or female don't get into the acting business You said a study Yeah a study, but but again ma'am. I was married to an actress What is your body of work look like? What does my work look like? Yeah, what kind of work have you done? Um, I just finished a children's educational show An educational platform Ma'am ma'am ma'am. Let's let's not play with one another I mean a lot of stuff can be call work. Have you done any print work? Print I don't do print. Okay, and you got paid how much to do this children's educational platform? Um So far I've been paid 20,000 and I'll be paid another 20,000 20,000 for how long? Or two months And that was what you took home was what's your agent? What's your agent get out of that? Uh 5,000 So you got 15? Yeah, so you didn't get 20,000 Okay See I know the business And outside of that what other work have you done? You got nothing the last year You've made 15,000 dollars once What what other money have you made in acting? Oh, that's it and and how long how long have you been a quote-unquote actress? Uh two and a half years two and a half years you made 15,000 dollars This is going to hurt young lady pay attention. You suck at this It's time to go get a job You live in california. You can't afford to dream. You need a job This may sound harsh ma'am, but you're living in the fantasy world and I would gather that most people listen to you and feel sorry for you But I can't afford to do that I know how difficult it is to get into Acting hell i'm in media right now. I know how and I know what people call platforms things today The bottom line is you're not an actress unless you're making money at it You went to college You went to college Because you need a career No one's going to take care of you. No one's going to take care of me. We got to take care of ourselves And you're 27 not 21 27 And telling me the job that you worked it was too hard. It was too stressful to whatever You got to grow up sis And that's maybe a bitter pill to swallow, but I'm gonna tell you right now God forbid If your mother was to get to get called home to glory Because we're mortals, right Life is not promised to either of us and if mom were to pass What position would you be in? And that's what you have to think about mom and dad's job was to make sure you were Capable of surviving on your own educated And and socialized Not a grown-up part. That's for you to do. I wish you all the best Thank you. Bye