 So is it time to leave him or make the relationship work? So many of you know I binge watch a lot of reality TV lately and there was one called Getting back with your ex or something like that. It was a big it's on Netflix 2018. It's in Australia and it's four couples that broke up at one point time in their relationship and and the thought about getting back together and I think one of the couples had met when they were in their 20s and it was a short long distance relationship. It didn't work out because of that and they Reunited and they want to get back together a couple of most of the couples were younger and then there was a couple in their fifties so one of the particular couples Which I was very fascinated with and why I watch these shows quite frankly It's just while they are most likely scripted to some degree I don't believe it's a hundred percent scripted and there is some actual human behavior going on or what I mean to say is Some gleaned into human behavior particularly in the relationship. Well, there was one couple good-looking couple very attractive and The girlfriend the boyfriend broke up with her Six years probably they were in a six-year relationship they were apart for six years and they're attempting to reunite and He broke up with her because he wasn't ready for a fully committed relationship and I believe that she was 26 or 22 when they met 28 when they broke up and she's now 34 and he's roughly the same age Okay, so I can understand at that age there might be some ambivalence to commit for him particularly because he was in his late 20s what was interesting though was when she started to relive the relationship with them and basically they spend three weeks together and Again a incubator if you will But I mean by incubator there in an environment where they're together 24-7 She started to recite all the things that She really did not appreciate with him He was very critical of her looks critical of the way he ate some things like that if this is true because again this could be scripted and There was and she had quite a few walls up in the idea of getting back together and At the end of the you know, they have the option of getting back together or not She said no, I don't want to get back together with you and I you know My girlfriend I were kind of reflecting she did that so she could be in her power Because she wasn't in her power throughout the relationship. I'm gonna repeat that. She wasn't in her power She openly admits that in the six years that they were apart. She was able to find her power What does that mean to have your power? I? Think this is critically important to decide if you want to stay in a relationship that might have to be Salvageable if you will Or leave a relationship I think being in your power is not being dependent on the other person for your happiness I repeat that you're not dependent upon the other person for your happiness nor are you dependent on the other person to lead the Relationship that's what I mean by being in your power is not being dependent on another person For your happiness for leading the relationship and in that particular relationship He led the relationship they he was very strict on when they saw each other and such and She gave her power away the way I observed it so by the end the reason why she chose not to to explore a Committed relationship with them, and that's the premise of the show Is that she was in her power? so Now let's look at relationships that are there two people are in relationship, and you're you're wondering should you stay or should you go I Think that's a question to ask on occasion when there is friction I say ask that question of yourself if there's friction Is you have to kind of look at the big picture of the relationship because every relationship is going to have Differences and different way of doing things. I'm even noticing this now with Marie and I were Very much in love with each other yet. We have our differences. Now. Most of these differences are very benign. There's not anything overtly Substantially different about us that might cause some friction But certainly Relationships are going to have those moments where there are friction and one of the fundamentals for a successful relationship is Conflict resolution skills that ability to listen to your partner's point of view Validate how they felt about their point of view and then acknowledge that that could be true for them And not necessarily put down get defensive or gaslight a person If you're not familiar with those the term gaslighting I invite you to look it up so Ultimately looking at a relationship from the big picture from the context of can we actually Sustain a healthy happy long-term relationship Provided that we have all the pieces in place in other words Can we I look at it from the perspective of can we live together? Can we? Can we partner together? Can we co-mingle together? Look at the big picture and then ask yourself are we making plans to fit? the big picture in other words are we looking through the wind window of the future through the same window and If you're not looking to the future through the same window, then it might be time to reconsider This relationship if you're not on the same page of where's this relationship going? Sadly most relationships today are very cavalier very when I mean by cavalier they are very That's the word I'm looking for Divalent and there's not a lot of intentionality Listen once you've been intimate with someone for a period of time and you've spent a fair amount of time together I'm going to say three months to six months then having a plan of where this relationship is going is vitally important Because the reality of today is we are seeing a propensity of casual Relationships that actually have no real partnership destination in mind and because of that Oftentimes the minute there is friction in the relationship the couples don't have the deep roots of trust built because they haven't talked about the future Which makes it difficult to actually sustain a future with someone if you're not building the deep roots of trust This is one of the things I talk about frequently in my private coaching is the deep roots of trust and how to go about building that So when is the time to leave or work on it? I think you have to ask yourself are you in your power? Do we have a shared vision of the future? Those two are probably the most critical questions I would ask myself and then ultimately do we have good conflict resolution skills because if you don't it's going to be a Problematic relationship and it doesn't matter how much magic fairy Does you have in the area of love because that's what love oftentimes is for many people as a fantasy that it'll solve your problems Instead of being in your power having a shared vision of the future and having good conflict resolution skills Is this sinking in is this resonating with you? Please let me know Please post a comment. I'd like to hear your thoughts on this conversation As always if you find value in the group, please tell your friends about midlife love mastery Send them to my website Jonathan as a calm have them click the group coaching button so they can join our fantastic group And I'm gonna sign up this video as I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan bear of self-love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm asking you to turn to someone a pat Teddy bear pillow give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love Let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now