 presents the Kirkwood family Jack Lill and Lee from Hollywood the mutual network and cooperation with Family Theatre presents the Martians and the Coins starring Jack Lill and Lee Kirkwood. Family Theatre's only purpose is to bring to everyone's attention a practice that must become an important part of our lives if we're doing peace for ourselves peace for our families and peace for the world. Family Theatre urges you to pray. Pray together as a family. Now to our transcribed drama the Martians and the Coins starring Jack Kirkwood as Paa Koi, Lill Kirkwood as Maa Koi and Lee Kirkwood as Rhoda Dendron. Well here on the home front the specter of the flying saucers persists. From almost every part of the nation reports continue of the visits by the mysterious objects. There is still no official explanation of the phenomenon. Objects are not light reflections and they are not men from Mars as they insist there is no life as we know it on that planet and so the story goes. There is no life on Mars. Quite amazing. Monitoring these earth's radio cast isn't it Dr. Zim. Oh quiet. How little these earth creatures know of the universe. They have a lot to learn. And so have we Malcolm. That is why we are here to increase our knowledge of these earth creatures. What are your plans Dr. Zim to continue cruising about the earth observing? No no no no. The time has arrived for a different approach. In order to understand these earth men completely we shall have to take a few specimens back home to Mars with us. Ah I see. Study them at least. Yes quite quite. We shall make a detailed scrutiny of them. Have you selected the subject? No no no. There's a likely looking city below us there. Thousands to choose from. No no no. I want no city dwellers. They are inemic, nervous, neurotic and in far too much of a hurry to be good specimens. I've been watching a group of rather unique people. They are slow, methodical and excellent study for us. In what region are these people found Dr? In the hill country. Oh you mean the ones they call Hillbilly? Hillbilly? Yes yes. They are exactly what we need for our study Malcolm. But Dr. Zim how are we to take these people with us? They're obviously terrified of us already. I propose to make them a friendly proposition. But suppose they refuse to come? Then we shall take them willingly or not. Order the robert pilot to resume speed and come with me to the observation deck. Ah shush that fly off in my nose will you? Just crawling around there and making me twitch something awful. Oh shush it off yourself you lazy good for nothing. I'm busy. Oh and you ought to do it. You're closer to it than I am. And if I do it I'll disturb the hound dog and he's sleeping so peaceful across my chest here. Rotodendrum take the broom and swat that fly off in your father. All right Ma. Now look what you're gone and done. You know a road he can't hit the broad side of a barn. Well maybe you should have had grandpa hit the fly for you. His aim is perfect ain't it grandpa? Yep he never misses. Somehow I don't trust him when he's shooting my way. Well come on and get up hold. All right I think I'll just take a little stroll up by the still see how things is getting on. You've been inspecting that still a might too often to suit me. Now Ma you know me and Luke is working on a new recipe. We got to watch it and might close. Why? Well that batch of corn squeezings is a very delicate mixture we got this time. It'll either blow sky high or it'll be the most delicious matter. Oh dad right up there she goes. Hey what's that sounds like hailstones falling. And more than likely is the buttons off Luke's leather jumper it fell in the mass yesterday. Pa quit your gabbing and fist me some eggs from the chicken yard. Oh. And slap the hogs while you're down that way. Oh and what's something for me to do? Slap the chicken and feed the hogs all the time. Hey watch it Charlie. Hey Ma. Ma come on out here. Look at this. What is it now? Oh hope Coy if you're looking for another excuse to get out. Rans sakes. There. Do you see it too? Yeah what is it? I'm turned if I know. I just wanted to make sure I hadn't been dipping into me and Luke's recipe of my two generous life. Oh it's real all right but what intonation? What is it ma? That's a good question Rody. I'm blamed if I know. Ever see the likes of that before grandpa? Hey it's coming from the direction of the holler. Maybe when the steel exploded it dug the dirt. Oh that ain't nothing that was ever buried in the ground Pa. It looks more like a. Well I declare. It almost looks like one of them spaceships you hear about nowadays. Space ship. Space for what? Look it. It's settling down in our backfield there. Now be careful ma. We don't get anything riled up at us. I don't show it how to get riled up if I don't quit scaring my chickens. Come on let's go down there and have a look at this thing. Wait a minute ma. Let's not go rushing into things. That's the kind of way to spell and see what it's going to do. Wait nothing. Come on. Hey wait a minute. Look here comes Luke. I guess he's seen it too. Oh that's worthless lady. Howdy folks. I was just coming over to tell you but I guess you've already seen it. Oh howdy Rody. Hello Luke. Howdy grandpa. What do you reckon that contraption is anyway? Well we ain't never gonna find out just standing here. Let's go down and see. Oh if it ain't the worst looking thing that ever was I'll put in with you. Looks like a big aluminum biscuit only with windows. It reminds me of Cy Ferney's new silo when it was new. Oh a silo ain't got windows Luke. No looks more. It's kind of spooky looking ain't it. Hey what's that? Oh it's a door. Here. And there's somebody inside that crazy machine hold. There we is. Well I'll be guarding. What is it? Queer looking critter ain't he Ms. Coy. Quick Pa run up to the house and get the sassafras tea. The man's sick. Look he's green. No no thank you madam. I'm quite alright. You see I'm always green in color. Yeah must be something powerful wrong with your diet son. Oh no no you don't understand. You see I'm from Mars. Well I declare. You hear that Ma? He's from Mars. Well land sakes alive. He may be a relative. Yeah. You know me and Mars got people in Hannibal and Centralia both. Hannibal? Centralia? Yeah. You said you were from Mars Missouri didn't you? Oh no no no no no. I'm from Mars Mars. Oh Mars. You know the planet? Yeah planet. What's that? Oh surely you know what a planet is. Why the earth is a planet. The universe is made up of millions of planets each spinning on its axis each traveling in its own orbit and making each day its own prescribed number of turns on the axis and about the Sun. Pa you better go up and get that sassafras tea after all. I think so. No no I'm alright I tell you. But do come in. We'd love to have you inspect our ship. Well thank you. That's real neighborly. Let's go and have a look around Ma. Well I think we should grandpa. Oh alright then. Help me up Luke. Allow me madam. Well thank you. Land sakes alive son. Your hand is as cold as ice. You sure you ain't having a chill? Oh quite sure. You see we on Mars are cold blooded creatures. I think he's kind of cute. Oh roadie hush a mouse. Well I do. I like little fat men. Even green ones? Oh you. Oh whom have we here Malco? Oh we have guests Dr. Zim. Here I'm Hope Coy and this here is my Mrs. Yonder's Luke. He's one of the neighbors and this one here with a hair growing down her back. Too bad didn't go on her head. That's my daughter Rhododendron. Rhododendron? Yeah. Oh what a pretty name. That's a flower isn't it? Yeah we'd run out of people names by the time she was born. And oh yes and that's grandpa there. Not in here grandpa. Well welcome. I'm Dr. Zim in charge of our little expedition. This is my assistant Malco. Well what brings you to these parts Mr. Zim? We have been cruising about your country for some time now. Looking you over as it were. I hope we haven't frightened you. Oh land sakes no. We are just a bit different in appearance. No shucks. You ought to see some of our relatives in Central Union. Pardon? Oh don't pay no attention to him Mr. Zim. Say this is quite a machine you fellas right around in. It sure is. Can we look around? Oh by all means by all means perhaps you'd care for a little ride. Well. But you'll never know you're off the ground. Close the door Malco. Our mission is almost complete. Come on Mal let's give it a try. Might be kind of fun. I'm ready. Well I would like to have the rest of the youngins along. There are more in your family Mrs. Coy. Oh yeah well of course most of them is married and out on their own by this time. There's just nine left at home now. Yeah Rody here she's an old maid. Going on 12 and still not married. Nine more. Well the more we have on our little excursion the better. Hey Malco. Well I don't reckon they'll be back much of a supper time Mr. Zim. Then why don't you bring them all down after supper Mr. Coy. Oh I've got a better idea. Why don't you two fellas come on and have supper with us. That's a good idea Mal. I got a possum and some sour belly out in the smokehouse. I'll go get her. Yep and I'll fix up some nice dandelion greens. Oh nothing green please. Glorophil disagrees with us. And so what do you fellas eat. Well our food on Mars is already fine and concentrated. Yes in fact most of our meals are taken in capsule form. Capsules. You mean like pills. Well yes. Goodness no wonder you're a funny color. Just thinking about taking pills three times a day is enough to turn me green. Please don't go to any trouble for us Mrs. Coy. Oh it won't be no bother. When the family gets home we'll all have a nice quiet meal together. Right grandpa. That's more frog legs. No mind if I do lose. No no I mean about how about me having some more. You're making an awful hog here so help me go ahead. Mrs. Zim why don't you and your friend have something else. Pardon. I said why don't you and your friend have something else. No no thank you we've had quite enough. Ma. Yeah. He's through talking. Yeah why. The appetites don't they. They sure do bless their hearts they always did eat hearty. They're the only family I've ever seen they could get sparks out of their knives and forks from the east. Makes me a time near unbearable in the summer. Well everybody ready for dessert. We got a sweet for dessert Ma. Yep I baked a nice gooseberry pie especially for tonight. Now pass me your dishes. Help him you're so funny looking Mr. Maybe Ma's cooking made him sick. He was green before yet. Yeah but he's greener now. Hey that's right you sick Mr. Well as a matter of fact I do feel just a bit ill at the moment. I'm afraid we'll have to postpone our trip until tomorrow. Shucks I'll never get to have any fun. Oh now you two just keep quiet. Can't you see Mr. Zim ain't feeling the chipper. We'll go tomorrow. Yes thank you madam. Malcolm let's get back to the ship and. Malcolm. Malcolm what is he. He's under the table. What. What happened to him. He said he was thirsty so I'll give him a drink. A drink of what. I don't know what was here in this job. Too great jumping horn toad. That's a sample Luke and me took out of the still yesterday. What's a still. But then don't you know. No. Well sir a still. Just about the hand he is inventionous mountain folks ever thought. Oh don't you listen to him Mr. Zim. Them stills is a bunch of nonsense that bring nothing but trouble. But I don't understand what was it that Malcolm drank. Well you regulate that explosion this morning just by the time you came in. Well yes it nearly blew us off our course. Well see your friend just took yourself a swig of that liquid dynamite. I must get him back to the ship at once. Help me get him over my shoulder. Oh he's better the comedian couldn't turn pink pink. Oh this is terrible. I hope I'm not too late. Good night. We'll see you in the morning and settle accounts. Settle accounts. You don't reckon he's mad do you more. After all their critters took a sip out of the jug of his own free will. I didn't even charge him for it. Oh no Mr. Zim is just upset. I'll take them down some nice cornmeal mush in the morning. That'll make him feel good. And then we'll all get that ride in their rocket ship or whatever it is. Paw. Land sakes where you been all morning. I ain't seen hiding her hair of you. Oh I've been busy more. Busy in short tail cow and fly time. You know all something to do around the place you know. Always something to be done. Sure I know it but it didn't think you did. Well you remember that busted rain spout on the porch. You used to squirt the water right through the kitchen door every time it rained. Yep. Well it's fixed. Paw you don't mean it. Me. Yep. Well good for you. Yes sir good for me. But I thought you said the reason you ain't fixed it is because you never could find a funny shaped pipe like that. Of course but when I was some kind of digging around and found one. Well I'll say it again. Good for you Paw. Good for me. You seen the kids this morning. No good for me. I heard you Paw. Well they all shot out of here after breakfast and I ain't heard from them since. Well they was down looking at that rocket ship last night my song. They all said for me to tell you to hurry on down so we get that ride those fellow promises. Oh mercy sakes I near forgot. Well I'll just hang up my apron Paw. Let's go. Grandpa. Grandpa. Oh he ain't here mom he was out of the house even for the kids was. Oh dear. Just imagine Grandpa ain't been out of the house this time of morning since I can't remember when. What you doing down there. Well the last I saw him he was teaching one of them green fellers how to chaw. How to chaw. Oh they'll be sick again sure as the world. I ain't sure. One seemed to take to it all right. Well I good land look at those young and swarming over. Oh that's nice what is it. Well you might use it for a cookie cutter. Well that would be a good idea that where'd you get it. I found it laying around rocket ship. Oh but Elmo you shouldn't be taking it wasn't attached to nothing at least not very well. Oh Mrs. Coy I see you finally arrived. Oh yeah I hope you and your friend are feeling better today Mr. Sam. Oh yes yes we're fine. Well shall we go. Malco let's get all bold. Yes sir. Come on everyone climb in. You first Mrs. Coy. Oh thank you. Come along children. Wait for me. Wait. Howdy roadie. Oh you needn't be so uppity. I think you got a case on that green thingamawatt. He ain't no thingamawatt. He's got a heap more manners than you ever had. Oh quit your squabbling you two. Get in Luke. Grandpa are you here. Now remember what I told you yesterday. You should have thought of that outside. We're all here then. Good. Shut the door Malco. Yes sir. Better lock the door Malco. Lock it? It's merely a safety precaution madam. Success. My name will go down in Martian history for this. Now we're ready. Next stop. Start the motors Malco. Start the motors. Yes sir. Operation gate set for 300 million. Fire power self-regulator advanced. Contact. Are you to start the dinometric hydro activator sir. Here we go. What's the matter. Start the motors. I'm trying to sir but there seems to be something wrong. Nonsense. There's no such thing as mechanical failure in a Martian space machine. Start them again. Yes sir. It's no use sir. You idiot. You don't have to be a mechanic. Adjust the robot to double O and let it check the trouble. Yes sir. I'll have them. Where's the robot. Where is it. Where do you suppose it is. What's gotten into you Malco. Now look here I. All right you've had your little joke. Now where is the robot. But I haven't seen it sir. What. No sir. It was here when you got up this morning. Don't you remember you. It's the robot pilot. It's fantastic but it's disappeared. What's a robot. It's a it's sort of a mechanical man. Yet it's a highly sensitive machine able to calculate all the necessary instruments to run one of our ships. I've seen you. You've seen what Elmo. Take a stick to me if I tell. Hope Koi what have you been up to. Well you gotta admit we needed a new scarecrow. I tell you them birds lead you out of the house. No. You mean you took that robot out to the cornfield. What's this. Well I just thought I'd borrow it for a few days see how it would do. Oh I'm ashamed of you. Well that thing's allowed to scare all the birds away and the bugs will just take the peach crop. Sir the electromagnetizer is gone too. Very well. Who took that. Well. Well does anyone else have a contribution. More. Yeah. Rookie better give him back the cookie cutter. Anyone else. Mr. Koi. Oh you needn't look at me so suspicious like I wouldn't. All right. I'll get it off in the rain spout. The Almanac said we weren't going to have my strain this year at all. Yeah. It's a lucky thing for us that I have some knowledge of the working of these ships. We assume we're ready to take off. Oh that's fine sir. A great lot of help you've been to me Malco. Sorry sir. Three weeks has taken me to put this thing back together and all you've done is tend around. You might at least keep those people away from the ship until such time. But what are they doing there anyway. They're puttering with one of the empty fuel tanks mixing some kind of liquid in it. There's nothing they can harm sir. There that does it. Now let's get the people inside once more so we can get home. Sir. There's Mrs. Koi. She seems to have more authority than anyone. I'll ask her to help. Well Mrs. Koi would all set once again. Shall we gather your clan and take that nice ride I promised you. Well I'm afraid we'll have to call off the ride for now Mr. Zim. Call it off. Well you know how our kids are once the novelty wore off. But if you spoke to them did they. They've all gone down to the creek to look for crawdads and I'm canning tomatoes so I guess we better just forget the whole thing. Thanks a heap for the invitation though. Very well maybe next time. Sure thing Mr. Zim. Next time I'll have some nice crumb butter for you to take back with you. What's the use. Well come on Melko. Sir. I'd rather not go with you. No that's quite a review. You'd what. That's right sir. You see Rhododendron and I. Well we've made plans sir. You see she's found me a job here. Modeling for something called Halloween masks. Are you out of your mind. Well you could never get along here on earth. Oh I don't know why. I'm catching on to things pretty fast sir. Well don't think I'm going back without you. I'll not be made a complete fool. Now get in. Oh but sir. He's going to blow up. Look put to my cheese in her head for the day. What the. And now a special report. Just when we thought the flying saucers were about over up comes this story off the wires tonight. A strange unidentified object has been sighted cruising about the moon traveling in spurts almost as if it had the hiccups. The object bounced off Jupiter raced through the Big Dipper and is now merrily chasing itself around and around the moon. What next. Now here again is the star of our show Jack Kirkwood. Thank you Tony. Allel Lee come on over here. I need your help. Yes pop. What is it Jack. Well family theater has just given me a pretty tough job to do. Just before I went on the show this evening they said Jack after the show was over come back to the mic and give the commercial. That's all they said. And they just left me standing there. No copy no nothing. Oh now pop what's so tough about that. You're an old hand at giving commercials. You've been kidding your sponsors for years. Yeah that's just the point though. You wouldn't catch me getting the sponsor of this show. I wouldn't want to antagonize anybody up there. Not at this stage of the game. Oh Jack be serious for once. This isn't going to be as hard as you think if you just give the pitch that you give on any other commercial. Now first of all what is the product that family theater is selling. Prayer. That's right family prayer because family theater believes that when families all over the world begin the practice of daily family prayer when they kneel together nightly and offer their hearts to God only then will there be peace and happiness in the world because well because peace in the family assures peace among nations. Well you see that wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be. I did a pretty good job too don't you think. Yes Jack you did. But just one more thing before you finish giving this commercial. What's one of the most important things in selling. Something that makes it a lot easier for the customer to remember the product. A slogan. Right. Well. The family that prays together stays together. More things are brought by prayer than this world dreams of. Hollywood family theater has brought you the Martians and the Coys starring Jack Lill and Lee Kirkwood. Others in our cast were Jane Avello Paul Freese Howard Culver Beverly Washburn and Peter Votrium. The script was written by William Lutz with music composed and conducted by Harry Zimmerman and was directed and transcribed for family theater by Lou X. Lansworth. This series of family theater broadcasts is made possible by the thousands of you who feel the need for this type of program by the mutual network which is responded to this need and by the hundreds of stars of stage screen and radio who give so unselfishly of their time and talent to appear on our family theater stage. To them and to you our humble thanks. This is Tony LaFranco expressing the wish of family theater that the blessing of God may be upon you and your home and inviting you to be with us next week when family theater will present a matter of time starring Jeffrey Hunter and Barbara Rush. Join us won't you? Family theater is broadcast throughout the world and originates in the Hollywood studios of the world's largest network. This is the mutual broadcasting system.