 The Jack Benny Program, transcribed and presented by Lucky Strike. Lucky's taste better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. Lucky's taste better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. For Lucky Strike means lime tobacco. Richard's tasting lime tobacco. Lucky's taste better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. Lucky Strike, Lucky Strike. This is Don Wilson, friends. Lucky's better taste is the big reason why so many people are switching to Lucky Strike. Sure, everybody knows that smoking enjoyment is all a matter of taste. And the fact of the matter is, Lucky's taste better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. Know why? Well, LS, MFT, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. Light, naturally mild, good tasting tobacco. And then, Lucky's are made better to taste better. Made round and firm and fully packed to draw freely and smoke evenly. It's just as plain as day that fine tobacco and a better made cigarette is bound to give you a better tasting smoke. So ask for Lucky Strike the next time you buy cigarettes. That's right. Be happy and go lucky. You'll find Lucky's do taste better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. Lucky's taste better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. Lucky Strike, Lucky Strike. The Lucky Strike program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Rochester, Dennis Day, Bob Cosby, and yours truly darling. Ladies and gentlemen, tonight Jack Benny does his television show with his special guest, Irene Dunn, Vincent Price and Gregory Rattoff. But first, let's go out to Jack's house in Beverly Hills. Our little star has decided to spend a couple of weeks in Palm Springs. So just as soon as he finishes breakfast, he's going to start packing. Ah, that was a good breakfast. How about a little more coffee, Rochester? No thanks, I had enough. I met me. I met me. Oh, oh! Yes, oh, oh. On second thought, Rochester, I don't think I want anymore. And anyway, it's about time we started packing. Yes, sir. And Rochester, not a word about our going to Palm Springs in front of Polly. You know how upset that parrot gets when she knows we're going away and not taking her with us. Yeah. Let's go in the other room and get started. Hello, Polly. Well, boss, I better get out the bag and... Yes, yes. I'm going to get out the bag and put it in the vacuum cleaner and the... Oh, yes, yes. The bag for the vacuum cleaner. And when the bag is full, we can start for B-A-L-M-S-P-R-I-N-G-S. B-A-L-M-S-P-R-I-N-G-S vacuum cleaner. That's right, Polly. That spells vacuum cleaner. Come on, Rochester, we better go in my room and start packing. Yes, sir. Sorry, Polly, but you can't come in the room with us. All right, all right. Don't get excited. Rochester, Polly doesn't want to be left alone. We better take her to my room, too. But, boss, she'll see us take your suits out of the closet and your shirts out of the drawers. She'll just think we're straightening up the room. Go ahead, bring her in. Okay, come on, Polly. Bring her in, bring her in. Rochester, take my blue suit, my gray suit, my tweed out of the closet. But, boss, a tweed suit is much too heavy for P-A-L-M-S-P-R-I-N-G-S. P-A-L-M-S-P-R-I-N-G-S vacuum cleaner. Well, okay, never mind the tweed. By the way, boss, are you going to stay at the same place you did last time? Certainly. Then I better keep these things together. Bathrobe, slippers, and flashlight. Rochester, it's inside now. Rochester, once you stay at the place where we had to pack a bicycle. Rochester, for your information, we don't have any more places like that in P-A-L-M-S-P-R-I-N-G-S. P-A-L-M-S-P-R-I-N-G-S vacuum cleaner. Well, Rochester, I guess we've got everything I'll need. I'll get the phone. I'll take Polly with me. Come on, Polly. Daddy has to answer the phone. Hello? Hello, Jack. This is Mary. Oh, what is it, Mary? Jack, on your way over to pick me up, would you stop off at the store and get me a bottle of suntan oil? Well, for everybody. I know, but you don't give green stamps. I wasn't going to charge you for the oil. I was going to give it to you. When I bought it, the company guaranteed its quality. I know, Jack, but after it's been in your crankcase for 10,000 miles, it loses something. Okay, I was just trying to do your favor. Anyway, I'll pick you up in a little while. Goodbye. Bye. Oh, boys, I've got everything ready. Shall I close it up? No, and I want to check it first, see if I didn't forget anything. Now, Polly, you can't come into my room this time. Look, Polly, if you're lonesome, Daddy will turn on the radio for you. I'll get you some music. This is good enough. You'll like this, Polly. I'll be back soon. I've got a postcard to the Biltmore Hotel in Palm Springs. P-A-L-M-S-P-M Springs. We will now continue with more musical selections. P-A-L-M-S-P-R-I-N-G-S. Palm Springs. Palm Springs! Rochester, close the suitcase so we can get going. Palm Springs. Now, Polly, you can't go. Well, Dennis, it's about time you got here. Dennis, are you all set for Palm Springs? Well, I came over to tell you I can't leave today. I'll go have a tooth pulled. A tooth pulled? Oh, that's a shame. Does it have a cavity? No. Does it ache? No. Let me see. Which tooth is it? One on my watch chain. I got thrown out of the Elks. Dennis, stop being silly. I want you to leave for Palm Springs today, so go home and pack. Okay. Say, Mr. Benny, is it all right if I take my mother to Palm Springs with me? She's already bought a French bathing suit. She tried it on him. My father said she really looked French. Really? Yeah. Mr. Benny, who's General De Gaulle? Dennis, go home and pack. Don't you want to hear my song first? Yes, yes. Let's hear the song. Love it in Palm Springs. Thank you. Now, Dennis, when you go there, be sure to stay on Highway 99 so you won't get lost. Oh, I'm not driving down. Oh. You're taking the bus? No. The train? No. Are you flying? No. Goodbye, Dennis. Goodbye. I guess it's better not to know how he's getting there than to ask him and spoil my whole vacation. Now, let's see. Well, boss, I've got all the luggage in the car. Good. Come on. Let's go. Are you sure all the lights are off? The doors are locked, Rochester? Yes, sir. Good. Okay. Start the car. Okay. The gasoline. Never mind. Try the motor again, will you? Yes, sir. The motor sounds as though it's going from bad to worse. Sounds like it's... Rochester, don't be funny. Try it once more. Okay. The motor's not even catching. Maybe the battery's dead. Can't be that, Mr. Billy. I put a new battery in yesterday. A new battery? How much it costs? Nothing. I got it out of your flashlight. Try it once more. The motor's going back the car out of the garage. Wait a minute. Why do they always gather when we try to start the car? You can go, Rochester. They've gone now. Rochester, there's Ms. Livingston's house. Put on the brakes. Rochester, you stop right in front of the house. Yeah, and only took us once around the block to do it. Keep the motor running. I'll go get Ms. Livingston. I'll help you with your bags. Thank you. Here they are. Say, Mary, what beautiful luggage. Where'd you get it? I bought it. Last week, I got $200 on a quiz program. No kidding. On a quiz program? Uh-huh. I was picked out of the whole studio audience because I worked for you. Uh-huh. You see, Mary? Doesn't hurt being on my program. What question did you have to answer for them to give you $200? No question. They just felt sorry for me. Hmm. The heartline call with food for a month. Don't be so funny. Now, come on, Mary. Let's go. Okay. Let me lock the door with you. Rochester, put Ms. Livingston's bags in the car. Yes, sir. Let's see. Where can I put them? Jack, you're only going to be away for two weeks. Why have you got all that luggage piled on top of the car? That isn't luggage, Mary. And what is it? A tent will have to camp twice between here and Palm Springs. Oh, stop, Rochester. That's not why we're carrying it. Then why are you carrying it? The tent? Never mind. Now, Rochester, are we ready to go? Yes, sir. I put Ms. Livingston's luggage in the trunk. Now, let's relax and have a pleasant drive. Rochester, turn on the radio. Will you please? Yes, ma'am. And as our holiday special, we are currently featuring a platinum necklace with a four-carat diamond pendant for only $9,500. This can be purchased on our easy lay-away plan of only $1 down and $1 a week until they lay you away. We felt sorry for the sport. I feel sorry for everybody who works for me. The next number will be a compote. Fiscalette, too. Ecomocicola. Fiscalette. That's a cute song, Mary. I wonder what the words mean. Here's the meaning, Mr. Benny. We're making pretty good time today. You're right, Ms. Livingston. We just passed through. Gosh, I wonder why the traffic is so thick. It's people still coming home from last year's Rose Bowl game. Last year's Rose Bowl game. Mary, stop making up such ridiculous things. I thought you were making it up. You know, Mary, sometimes I think... Excuse me, Mr. Benny. What is it, Rochester? We are? We're pulling that gas station on the corner there. OK. Yes, we'd like some gas. Yes, sir. Would you like regular or rattle? Let me see. I wonder what would be best for this car? Blood. Mary, please. I'll take the regular. Fill it up. No, no, no. Put in about three gallons. For heaven's sake, Jack, why don't you fill it up? Mary, three is enough. But you'll have to stop at another gas station for more. Now, why don't you fill it up? Well, all right. Fill it up, Mr. Oh, boy, wait, let's tell the boys it's a lodge about this. Never mind, Rochester. Go ahead and fill the tank, Mr. Yes, sir. Jack, what do you plan on doing in Palm Springs? Well, I think I'll just rest, relax, and, one, have a good time. I'm going to take a dip in the two swimming pool every morning, and then play a round of three golf after that. That way, I'll get plenty of four suns. In the afternoons, I'll just relax and five rest until dinner time. There's so many good places to six, eat in Palm Springs, like the Dunes dollhouse, and down the beach, seven comers, and lots of others. Some nights, I may go on a- For heaven's sakes, that's enough gas! Stop! Hey, mister, do you know what a big hole in your right rear tire? I know, I know. Well, how come it doesn't go flat? Because the tire was filled up in Los Angeles. What's that got to do with it? The smog is too thick to leak out. Yeah. Hey, mister, I can sell you a new set of tires, very reasonable. Not right now. You see, they're making so many improvements in tires these days, I'll wait a little while longer. Well, I've got the latest thing right here, tubeless tires. Never mind, Rochester. Just check the oil, mister. Yes, sir. The oil is okay, but I noticed the pulley on your generator is cracked. Now, you better get a new one or you'll have lots of trouble. Well, okay, put one in. Well, I'm sorry, but we don't have any parts for this car. Oh. Well, is there a Maxwell dealer in this town? Yeah. Where? In the cemetery. It'll be all right. Now, how much do I owe... That's how Dennis is going to Palm Street. Say, mister, how much do I owe you? Uh, that's $2.50. Okay, I'll... Hey, wait a minute, mister. Huh? I just recognized you. Ain't you Jack Benny? Yes, yes, I am. Gee, mister Benny, what a pleasure meeting you. How I love you in the movies. You do? Yeah, I think you was wonderful in Tabi or not Tabi, Charlie Zandt, George Washington slept here, and Quo Vadis. Well, thank you. Now, you say the gas was $2.50? Uh-huh. Oh, excuse me, mister Benny, here comes another customer. Yes, sir, what can I do for you? Fill it up. Well, Bob! Jack, hi. Hello, Mary. Hi, Rog. Hello, Bob. Hello, Mr. Crosby. Excuse me, mister, you want regular or rattle? Ethel, please. Gosh, Bob, isn't it a coincidence? We're all on our way to Palm 1 Springs. And we needed the same gas to stay... Jack! Stop counting, it's Bob's car. Oh, yes, yes. I forgot. Gee, Bob, it's a shame that you have to make the drive all alone. I'm not alone. Huh? Oh, look in the back, don't you see? Remli, Kimmy, and Bagby, they're laying there. Oh! See, this car has that new Hudson, the kind you fall down into. He mentioned Remli, Kimmy, and Bagby. Isn't Sammy the drummer coming to Palm Springs? Well, Sammy's coming, sure, but not until just before we do our broadcast there. See, he hates the sun. Why? Well, you know how bald Sammy is, and he doesn't like his scalp to get sunburned. Well... Can he wear a hat? Oh, no, if he covered his head, he'd lose a $50 a week a distillery pays him. A distillery? A distillery pays him $50 a week not to cover his head? Yeah, they've got, don't be vague, say, Hig and Hig painted up there. Well, they couldn't have picked a better head than Sammy's. It shaped like a pinch bottle. Bob, you know, this is none of my business, really, but if the boys in the band are such a bunch of hoodlums, why don't you get rid of them? It's funny, Mary. I asked Bob the same thing last weekend. He told me that their private lives are their own business. That's right, Mary, and these boys have a lot of experience. Yeah, Bob told me that his boys spent two years with Wayne King. No, no, Jack, not Wayne King, Waste King. They used to install them. How come your wife isn't coming to the Springs with you? Oh, she'll be up for the weekend, Mary. She's bringing the kids. All five of them? All five and the maid and the cook, too. But won't it be hard finding hotel reservations for that many people? Oh, I don't have to worry about that. Jack's running me a tent. All right, Mary, now you know. Are you happy? Come on, Rochester, let's go. Yes, sir. See you in Palm Springs, Bob. Bye-bye, Mary. Bye-bye. Rochester, make this right turn here. Well, Mr. Benny, we should go straight ahead. Rochester's right, Jack. This isn't the way to Palm Springs. Look, Mary, I know a shortcut. Rochester, turn here. Yes, sir. Are you sure this shortcut takes us to Palm Springs? Of course I'm sure. But, Mr. Benny, we've been driving three hours since we left the gas station. Yeah, and it's getting dark. We should have been in Palm Springs long ago. Mary, I know what I'm doing. I've taken this road many times. And see, see, we're in the desert. See the sand? Yeah, and I see the sign, too. Laguna Beach. For heaven's sake, Rochester, you must have made a wrong turn. Now go back to the main highway. Jack, Jack, look up in the air. Where? It's only a bird? Just a Palm Springs. Ladies and gentlemen, I will be back in a minute to tell you about my television show, which goes on immediately after this program on the CBS Network. But first, a word to cigarette smokers. Lucky's taste better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. Lucky's taste better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. For Lucky's strike means lime tobacco, Richard tasting lime tobacco. Lucky's taste better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. Lucky's strike. Lucky's strike. Friends, you know, this whole matter of smoking enjoyment can all be summed up in just one word. Taste. Yes, smoking enjoyment is all a matter of taste. And the fact of the matter is, Lucky's taste better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. Now, Lucky's taste better for two reasons. First, LS, MFT. Lucky's strike means fine tobacco. Then, too, Lucky's taste better because they're made better. Made round and firm and fully packed to draw freely and smoke evenly. Yes, made for 100% smoking enjoyment. And because Lucky's do taste better, they'll make wonderful Christmas gifts. As a matter of fact, right now, you'll find Lucky's all dressed up in festive Christmas cartons, specially created by the famous designer, Raymond Lowey. These colorful Lucky's strike Christmas cartons make a most welcome gift for anyone on the Christmas list. You'll find these holiday cartons of Lucky's wherever you buy cigarettes. Be sure to get enough. Make it a happy-go-lucky Christmas. Give your family and friends Christmas cartons of the cigarette that does taste better, Lucky's strike. Be happy-go-lucky for Christmas gifts this year. Ladies and gentlemen, as I mentioned before in just 30 seconds, I will be doing my television show over the CBS Network, and at Vincent Price and Gregory Rattoff. Tonight, folks, see you in 30 seconds. The Jack Benny Show tonight was written by Milt Josephsburg, John Takkeberry, Al Goldman, Al Gordon, and produced and transcribed by Hilliard Marks. Be sure to hear The American Way with Horace Hyde for Lucky's strike every Thursday over this same station. Consult your newspaper with the time. The Jack Benny program is brought to you by Lucky's Strike, product of the American tobacco company, America's leading manufacturer of cigarettes. Thank you.