 I tell you, I gotta tip my hat to those British heroes, real life heroes that rescued all those boys. Who was it? Who was it? It was a thousand people. It was a thousand people. Me collectively. A thousand people. Probably the Thai government. Who was it? It was everybody. Everybody. Everybody. But you know what impressed me? Ellen DeGeneres said, when Jerry Seinfeld was questioning her about her appeal, doing the show, she says, I just, I don't see what, what the appeal is in me. I just want to be a good person and help people and to be nice. I tell people about Oprah. I don't understand the attraction about her. Yeah. No, I mean, Ellen DeGeneres says I just want to be a good person. Yeah, but Oprah, I don't understand the attraction. I don't understand where to talent lies. I just said, what's the attraction here? I said, I don't get this. And how does one that doesn't really stand out in any way, shape, or form become a multi-billionaire? Oh, I don't get it. I don't get it. I don't see much too, much too over. Some friend of mine who's a musician who plays acoustical and electric guitar, he became a fashion designer. He makes Thai dyed clothes. So anyway, he has fashion shows. He just showed me how people steal your ideas and don't even give you credit. It's like plagiarism in publishing. That's why you should have trademarked in a copywriting. That's right. Don't do it. Yeah. Paul Anthony Manthia got screwed. Somebody copied his design for furniture, for a chair. He showed it to me. That's what he's telling the truth, too. Well, he showed me his and theirs. And maybe they had theirs before his. That's why you are good courts. Yeah. You don't know. I mean, stealing of ideas and inventions. That's nothing new. Yes, it is. It started just a month ago. Yeah. But no, she was so humble. That's what I admired about her, Ellen DeGeneres, her humility. You can see the sincerity, how she looks, how she talks. I got a lovely bill from the holy name. I called them up. I said, when are you going to stop sending me these bills? What's next? I said, you mean my two insurance cards didn't quite cut it? They said, oh, you owe us a thousand dollars. I said, guess what? Guess what? I'm having complications a little bit with the surgery, number one. Number two, I'm not paying the whole amount. A thousand dollars? No. I said to them, I'm giving you a hundred dollars. I'm giving you a hundred dollar check. If their CEO wants to be greedy, you know what? I'll be stingy. They're getting a hundred dollar check. Gotta love our health care system. That's why the big Trump, Trump was announcing his upcoming visit to the United Kingdom. See until he sees the blimp, they're going to be flying wherever he goes. The baby called the baby Trump. But he says the easiest meeting is going to be with Putin. This guy, Moron, he kisses Putin's ass. And insults our allies. He's a moron. No, but I'm really grateful that every, oh, let me ask. Do we really have a president? Yeah. I'm just saying, I'm really grateful everyone was saved in Thailand from the cave. I'm really thankful for that. Our so-called... Dude, don't always get that point. Do we really have a president? This is not like you, you know, like cut to the chase. You're in a hurry. Yeah, you do. Remember that. Cut to the chase. All right. Do we really have a president? Is our president really a moron? Donald Trump? Hmm. Oh, he probably, if it wasn't for his father, he probably would be nothing. He's a slumlord. Personally, I don't feel like we really have a president. Do we? There you go. There you go. Trump an absolute idiot moron. You think I should go up there and say I want to thank you for having the air conditioning over there. Just to bust his chops. Go ahead. And if we... Don't, don't. Go ahead. Before he knows. Okay. Go ahead. Don't. Go ahead. He wants problems. Don't step outside. Go ahead. Where have you been? All the manager has to do. I'm trying to. I'm trying to. I'm trying to. I'm trying to. I'm trying to. I'm trying to. I'm trying to. I'm trying to. I'm trying to. I'm trying to. I'm trying to. Yeah, you either one of you. I would say I'm not going to like that. She named herself Fork Ranch? No. J.J. are you in? We'll be around the world. What? You don't know? Okay. We had problems with the air, man. Yeah, I know, but mine already took care of it and we haven't repurchased the new unit, too. And the funny part was always near the restroom. It was a trans... Yeah, but it was a transformer. He had to change and compress. Both. It was a trans... Yeah. It was a trans... It was a trans... Yeah, but it was a trans... It was a trans... Yeah, but it was a trans... It was a trans... Yeah, but it's kind of how many guys. Yikes. It is very... I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Somebody know about it, so... Yeah, I had a kind of... Thanks for the morning. That's a great... You know, I've moved in here. I was... Air-conditioned refrigeration. The guy was... I know. I said... But I think it feels comfortable now, right? Yes, it is. But I... Yeah? Okay. It's... It's like when you... It's like when you... It's like when you call an office. You get incompetence. Like, if you call a corporate office, customer service... It takes... Sometimes it takes time to find quality. Yeah. If that got for reviews, online. Why don't they call them some of these machines? They're all the machines that work in here. No. There's a number of... What? Oh, they're not. Somebody's pulling your chain. That's what they... 25-year-old machines. Yeah, they did. No way. No way. Sure. 110% sure. Okay. You can't believe these people. No, they can't believe you. You know how old this machine is? It's 25 years old. Okay. I haven't even been working here at all. I wouldn't know, but still... Oh, my God. You know what? That's like going to Walmart and believing what they tell you. Well... You know what's great about this location? How are they in here? Think about it. How are they in here? Walmart again. They can't... They can't talk to you. Well, they're like... Well, they do talk to you, but they... They don't understand anything. You know what the... They don't have a manager. You know what the general manager said of the whole store in Garfield? He says to me, I said, how come your shelves are empty? Customers like to see full shelves. Oh, we have an overnight crew that puts out stock. I says, well, that's nice. But then again, if they did, why are your shelves always wiped out? They don't listen. Customers like to see full shelves. Because they think something's wrong with the product. Yeah. You mean Tita girl? Go online. You'll get it. You shouldn't have to. Well, I learned. Sheep are online and they ship them for free to the store. They email you. Whatever you do, don't buy this new synthetic underwear. Bye. Well, for now... Until the next calamity. We even use mysticism to find out about the air condition. The pendulum. Well, the blue eye chases. The blue eye. Hey, shake in us. You know, take care. Bye-bye. Enjoy. Don't tell people we do mysticism. No, don't do that. Make us look like we're cool. We're deep. We're cool. We're special. I don't want people looking at us and staring at it. That's private. It's a good thing I did go up there. Because we learned some things. You made us impression. Well, I was being sarcastic. I was being sarcastic. Do you hear what I just said? I was being sarcastic. I'm just gonna say, I did that for a reason. Like, most people bitch moan and complain. Most people yell bitch and moan. I was being sarcastic. This new central air conditioning unit for this establishment, is it really going to be installed? Well, we have to establish the foundation question. You always start with it. Well, now you're the expert on it. Now you're the expert on it. Hey, Mr. Honor knocking. Call your jets. What do you want me to ask? In football and baseball, if you gotta stop the swing, you gotta stop the swing. Okay, got it. Want me to do it? Hold on. Hold on, man. Alright. In football and baseball, has there ever been an arm like William H. Morrill, the third? Yes? Let me try. Well, I mean, I'm sure you were like in the top three. Well, you just got off this politics. I don't know how to use this thing. I don't know. Football and baseball has never been an arm like mine. I don't know how to use this thing. No, you gotta show him. But I braced myself. I braced. I don't know. Oh, wow, look at it. Look at Honor knocking. I mean, Honor knocking. He's swinging like... Don't ask silly things. It's okay. It's okay. Somebody's got to be from somewhere. Point is down here, Eileen. She has severe mental and psychological issues. Look how quick it went into that. Is her ancestors from the planet Dumb and Dumber? Don't play, don't play. No, but her and Ray really are messed up. Don't play. Don't play. Don't think it's really serious. Okay. I heard going with Ray is... That's very sick. It's very gross. And sick. I can't see the two of them naked. I just can't see what a prize he was that she ran out of here without saying goodnight. That was another shocker. That's why I wish he was here. I want to say, what was that? You left him and ran after Ray's ass. Next time she comes, I come in, I sit down, you start, and then I'll just keep on seriously, with a poker face, backing up everything you say. That girl, our acquaintance here at McDonald's, Eileen, does she have an incredible imagination to make up an awful lot of theories? I'll give you an example. Does she lie an awful lot as well? Ray? Do you remember when she said she made a dumb statement, really? Come on. When does she, Jimmy? Come on. About the Saint Benedict's medallion, she says she went to the religious store and purchased one, and her brother still stole her money. Now, how is something that wards off evil going to stop a human being from stealing your money? I've got to get about her brother. How's the money? Has Eileen's brother stealing her money? Has our wacko acquaintance Eileen's brother? Did he really steal her money? Kind of figured that. Was it ridiculous that she said the Saint Benedict's medallion should have stopped him from stealing? Yes. It was ridiculous for her, of course it was. Is our acquaintance Eileen overly religious as in a fanatic? Is our acquaintance the very bizarre Eileen a religious fanatic? Incidentally, the Catholic priests really do use it for exorcisms? What? Saint Benedict's medallion? No, but demonic possession really happens. Yeah. I don't believe that, too. I don't believe it has anything to do with God. Well, it doesn't... Well, I don't think that a medallion would stop a person from ripping you off even though it never really happened, Eileen. She's just blacked out. Oh, man. Yeah. I haven't seen our friend bartender with the bandanas. I have the bandanas... Wait, bartender with bandanas? One man that was sitting here that talks to us all the time. The one that was... Oh, that one time! The one that's going to apply... Yeah, we hardly see him. I see him once every eight, nine months. Oh, gee. That's why when you said the bartender with the bandana, I'm like, what? The ones I promised him I left in the car. When I told him to go over there, I applied it on him. I don't know if he did or not. He looks like a very personable, smart guy. And he had a tie on him, too. Sure. Don't judge by look sometimes. He looked like... The other day from the plays come, remember the one that looked like he... He looked like innocent looking. The one that parted his hair all the way on the side and it looked like he had a bowl on his head. Right? He was in insurance. Not Ryerson, no. There was another Dave who was a regular at the plays club. No idea who you... And then I saw him at illusions years ago. No idea. Of course he aged like all the rest of the partiers. Now, he wasn't... You sure I knew him? He was very conservatively dressed up. A lot of them were. He was a typical insurance dude. I don't know anybody that saw insurance and we didn't even talk about insurance. They might be bored to tears and say, well, who do you think is going to win the NFL this year? I change the subject. Do you get to insurance? I don't want to call pay for it. Insurance, especially life insurance has to be the most boring subject. And you know, any insurance. Not life, not auto, not motor, not home. You don't want to hear it. That's more boring than being an accountant. No, they're... Account... Well, yeah. The personalities are horrible. It's like a dry heat, sort of. I mean, it could be like superhuman and sticky like it was the other day. But, um... I mean, you know... Other people would look at it as vandalism or crime. I look at it as karma. When that general store manager's tires got flashed all four. Not once, not twice, but three times. He was a horrible man. He was so abusive with his mouth. His name is, um... Um... Shop Right in Rochelle Park over on, um... Yeah, right by... Yeah, what is that? The Safe Street? The Safe Street. And then it becomes... It goes to Burden Community College. It comes with that Paramus Road. Uh... Name. Which is a funny name. G-G-U-R. When I was a kid, yeah. Back in the 80s, early 80s. They've been there that long, huh? Guy Karuba. Guy Karuba. Yeah, he was so freakin' hit. But everybody... He was always innocent of everything. Everybody was beneath him. And they slashed his tires, man. And I was like... Any... And he had the... The store managers in retail and supermarkets, they had this big wad of keys that jingle when they walk. It's like a big freakin'... Like a janitor. Like a custodian. Or janitor. Custodian. That's like saying when you're a garbage man, that's what Ed Norton said. Sanitation engineer. Let me see your degree for an engineer, okay? No, subterranean engineer or something. You know that fat scumbag, Nuke Gingrich, when he was relevant? You know he wanted to make the children of single mothers collecting food stamps custodians in their school to help pay for their freakin' food stays. Didn't he run a his wife who was pregnant? He's amazing. I never liked that guy. Oh, he's a hypocrite. You know what? My little cat Vincent couldn't stand it. We got him a Nuke Gingrich stuffed cat toy. It's flat. He pulled all the stuffing out of it. He just tore that to... I have it at home. He tore it to shreds. And you know what? He reminded me of Rush Limbaugh They were both fat. It's fake. Listen, I don't care what political feelings or opinions you have, but be honest. Don't be a hypocrite. Don't lie to people. He's a politician, Jimmy. What do you expect from him? But just think of that. They're going to tell poor children, oh, guess what? Your mom's getting food stamps. You're going to have to be a janitor in your school. That's also how they have all this lunch shaming or whatever they call it where they almost embarrass the kid getting a free lunch because they can't afford it. Oh, yeah, they put him down. Yeah, they do that. And you know what they used to do? They used to give these vouchers, these tickets out and the teachers used to say it out loud so the whole class knows who's getting the free lunch. Now, is that necessary? Shut up. Just hand the child. If I was a principal, I'd say, if you were an asshole, I'd say, what is your fucking problem? I'd say, do you have a problem with me talking to you like this? Let's go to my office right now. We'll call the school board, okay? Because I don't like your attitude. Don't humiliate. You want to put a child down and embarrass him with that aid? Something I'll never get over or forget. I'd say, I'm going to say it to you right now. Fuck you. Let's go call the school board and keep it on concrete floors and cages. And now they're supposed to be getting together with their mothers. All horses do today. Nah, nah, nah. I think I've done 53 to date today. Lies again. Nothing but lies. But let me tell you something. I have a feeling that this November there's going to be a big record turnout. Yeah. In whose favor, Jimmy? I hope in the Democrats' favor because Republicans aren't doing Jackson. These are the ones that are angry. If you're angry, you Democrats, I am, I'm a registered Republican but I'm going all Democrats. My party has disgraced me. You're not doing Jackson. Shit. Well, the racist rednecks are not angry. You're siding with a moron. I can't vote for you people. You're an idiot. I'll go with Democrats. You know what somebody's... I think you're going to see a lot of Republicans go Democrat. They're saying that's... A few of them aren't. They're not going to vote Democratic. And you know what some of these rednecks are saying online? These Trump supporters? They're saying they would love to volunteer and go down there and apprehend Latin people that cross the border. They want to tackle them. Go. Go. You want to be a big macho man? Okay, tough guy. On the keyboard, they're tough. When they type on the Internet. We'll fly you down, okay? They'll run into... You're running your mouth off of it. They'll run into a cartel and they'll get their asses kicked. You're a real tough guy, huh? Okay, go. Hot shot. Let me see how tough you are. They want to... Wait until the first one puts his fist through your face. Then see how tough you are. Am I right, Jimmy? Or get tough with a woman and a child. You're a hard guy. Just like one of those ice border patrols that shot this young Mexican woman crossing the border. Oh, you're a real tough guy. You got a rifle. You got a high-powered rifle and you shoot an innocent unarmed... Oh, macho man. Yeah. Just like the macho man that hunts grizzly bears and they cheat because they wait until the grizzly comes out of its den. It's not just a bear. It's more on dentist. A couple years ago, they killed Leo the lion or whatever his name was like a girl about a month ago that killed a giraffe. Oh, you had a blonde that killed a giraffe? Now it's an even playing field. Let's hunt. Because you shoot back? Yeah, let's hunt. Okay? It's not going to just stand there waiting for you. I'm going to get you unless you get me first. Hey bullseyes. Go. Bullseyes don't shoot back. Let's go. Let's go. Of course the bear is groggy coming out of hibernation. You're a tough guy. You shoot a grizzly when he's coming out of hibernation. What kind of scumbags? You know, Alaskan Kodiak grizzly you got one good shot and you better make it good because your punk ass is like gone because they run almost 40 miles an hour. And they run fast and they climb and they swim. You can't go to the tree and they'll come out of your ass. You get on a boat, guess what? They swim right after you. Even a tiger is a good swimmer. That's where my cousin used to live was Kodiak Alaskan. They're huge. Over 10 feet tall. 1,000 pounds. I bet they can decapitate somebody who won't swipe. That's right. They can even take their head off. Oh, for people like Eileen that don't know what decapitation means. They wouldn't do any brain damage. They actually might do or something good, right? They might improve. Now, you see how much better the quality of life gets when there's air conditioning. No, it still sucks, Jimmy. You're in a McDonald's. There's no better out there yet because of air conditioning. It still sucks fucking swamp ass, okay? Oh, swamp ass, yeah. You know, I just made an interesting observation. Okay. All right. We're from here at McDonald's. Our two acquaintances are Eileen and Ray. Eileen and Ray. Hanging out together. Help me. Look at that. Right into it. Oh, my God. Maybe he's educating her. Ray educating? Oh, stop. Well, he sounds like he knows it all. I know. I know. Hey, Billy. Oh, excuse me. Did you know that what's funny is whether I use deodorant, cheap cologne or nothing, or baby powder, my armpits always stink after two days no matter what I use. So it's almost like... Did deodorant supposed to go on daily? Yeah, no, wait, two days, Jimmy? Two days. Oh, every day he's supposed to go like this. Oh, I didn't know that. Automatically when you're through showering. What do you think you're doing when you shower? It's off. It's gone. It's off. It's gone. So I've been having swamp armpits this whole time. I do it every time. Oh, no, you do that every day. Don't ever get... Swamp armpits and swamp ass. Deodorant and... Oh, antiperspirants. Oh, it's aluminum in it. I think you don't sweat. Is this sealing up your pits? No, no, but the antiperspirant has aluminum, which is toxic. I always just get the odor. You do not get antiperspirant? Yeah, because there is no aluminum. I had it on my one shirt. Throughout the life of that shirt, 30, 40, maybe 50 washes, it never came off the stain. That's what's on your kits. Don't use it. Just get the odor. Plus, plus, the antiperspirant does have aluminum in it. It doesn't raise the work. The one I said currently... You tried... No, you got to tighten it. I'm no fool. So it sucks. No, the blades are good. But I got the new one today, barbersaw, and that's real nice. I mean, the Wilkinson sores are fantastic. I got the barbersaw. I don't use the dollar store thing. I use the one that cost me 20 bucks. Like your father is stainless steel. That's the one I have. I got mine from Dr. Leonard catalog. It's like the man from porn stars. Remember him? He was advertising it. He was advertising the old fashioned one that butterflies up. Yeah, you can get it in stores. That's the one I've been using. And it works beautifully. Why? Because you can rinse the whiskers out. Well, you can with these too. Barbersaws are so wide. The blades are right in there. Well, I mean with the butterfly, like the one your dad had, it really, when you open it a little bit, it really rinses out. Your dad couldn't shave himself. Yeah. But it gives you a close shave outside, against the grain if you go up. But you gotta know how to go up. You gotta go easy, you know. A lot of these people don't, you gotta respect that blade when you're going against the grain. Clint Eastwood. How much for a bath and a shave? That'll be 75 cents. And he's shaking his straight razor. How the hell do they go around the chin? That's what I like to know. That I talk about making you nervous. The mouth, the chin, the straight razor. And he still sell those. You don't smoke him out in knife works. They still sell those. But it's a lot of work to get them sharp and to hone them just right, you know. It takes time. Too much trouble. Well, I gotta, I have a whole bag of Wilkinson swords. Why would I want to give myself extra trouble? Well, I'm glad that my mom has been walking rather briskly. She gained her strength back. She didn't cough not once last night. Thank God. We'll be giving her mucinics. You ever hear that? Oh, better since I've been adding flaxseed meal to her oatmeal fiber. I told my sister, kind of brand with the oatmeal because thank God she did it when the caregiver was there and I didn't do anything in the middle of the night because she had, you know, she had done it when the caregiver was there. Then the nurse came from the caregiver agency, the Russian lady, asking me the same questions. I said, nothing has changed. What does she do? She asked me the same question. I said, what does nothing has changed really mean to you? That means nothing has changed. That means everything that's in the computer stays the same. She asked me anyway. Redundancy is annoying. You know how I feel about that stuff. The long stories. But I really I renewed my car, my insurance. I get it through the Hartford AARP, the Hartford but that holy name, that bill, man, it's like I said to the woman I hope this is like the grand finale of my bills. Please, don't tell me it's going to go on forever. I hate to get the mail. I'm afraid to look at the mail. What is this now? Because you either get junk or bills. Nobody's sending you a cheque saying we made a mistake. Please accept this cheque. It's our way of saying we're sorry. You never get that for you. You never get that for you. Or PSC, public service. Everybody wants. Nobody wants to give. Does the cable company or public service ever do that? Nope. All your decades are a great client. I like to punish. I like to punish. I like the one I got, I told my friend Mike. I like the one where he called to get the recording. Our current record show your current bill is passed due in the alcove. Zero dollars and seven cents. Wow, seven whole cents. So are you out of your fucking mind? Can you picture somebody? I don't pay bills with a sense. I round it off. So if it was $51.07 I'd pay $50. Yeah. Well, according to accounting if it's .5 or higher you're supposed to round it to the nearest dollar. Yeah. What is this sense? What are you supposed to do? Write a cheque for seven cents? No, I didn't pay the $51.07. I paid $51 for my current bills. Could you picture somebody getting shut off for seven cents? I told the one I wanted to look at my history. He said, who are you to pay that? I said, yes. I pay all time every month. And I get this bullshit from you all and get angry. I said, what have you already been doing? Did you know I got screwed? I got screwed over by my chase platinum card. I had 2.9% interest and because the post office delivered my cheque one or two days late, they jacked me up to like almost 30% interest. I said, what about all the years I paid on time? I said, do you all ever give anything as a way of saying thank you for not years, but decades of of paying? I have a reputation from paying on time. What about all the months I paid on time? I had not missed one payment. Oh, you know what? They said they didn't care about the past. Oh, really? I shot them and I go to buy a file with somebody else. I don't care. I meant the chase bank platinum card that I had. You don't care about the past? You're a moron. That's the way you conduct business. That's like we were saying other days about companies having contempt for their customers and disrespect. You don't care about my records. You know, it's called a history. You don't care about somebody's history? Yeah, but when they interview somebody, they sure care about their history, right? You credit history, you list that history, everything else is history. Your resume? It comes out of my history. You don't care, huh? It's selective. Yeah, you have a resume, you're being interviewed. There's your history. I don't care. Oh, it's my history. You care about that? I don't care. Like you said, credit? Sure. That's the way they make you, right? No, it's like I'm giving you the middle finger as a customer and saying, you know what? We don't give a rat's ass about it. They don't give anything back. They don't give anything back. And the incompetency. I should think they would have incentive votes. I mean, so many years. Next month is on us. Next two or three months are on us. They don't give you a day. Every drink every now and then. What if you're sitting at the bar for three hours buying drinks? The guy doesn't buy one? Yeah, he doesn't throw you a drink every now and then. And you're tipping the dude, right? Like my dad always told me, a tip is burn is not expected. I agree. I absolutely agree. And for some strange reason a waiter is more conscientious and remembers what you ask him than a waitress. My dad always told me that too. Waiters. Your finest restaurants always have male waiters. Oh yeah, with the linen table cloths and everything, the candles. Yeah, I mean, good high-end restaurants. They always have male waiters. Hey, when I was in with my friend Jimmy LaGuardia, when we were in the Trump's Taj Mahal, they have the Maharaja's palace all the way on top. But we had comp cars. We went in. All waiters. Linen table cloths, candles, a piano player, baby grand piano guy was playing. All waiters. Sir, is there anything I can get you? Anything you want? I said, you see those, being that it was free. I said, see the king crab legs that guy's getting? And the jumbo shrimp cocky. Keep the crab, keep them coming. Keep the crab. That wasn't good. Oh, man. But I had, I had, yeah. I had, we had comp carts. This has been a Mega Lab 21 production.