 Aloha and welcome to At the Crossroads. I'm your host Keisha King. As you can tell already I have something different going on today. We are going to talk about love and relationships. So when the camera pans out you'll see I even have a red table because we are going to have a red table talk just like my girl Jada Pinkett Smith. Every week she gets on Facebook live with her mother and her lovely daughter and they talk about real tough issues. One said issue was their talk and discussion with her famous husband Will Smith about their marriage. That red table talk discussion spanned their 20-plus year marriage and I was just so shocked because they're in Hollywood and they made their marriage last for over 20 years. But as I looked I recognized so did Samuel Jackson and his wife so did Denzel Washington and his wife and even Tom Hanks had a really long marriage in Hollywood and you know what's funny? Justin Bieber just got married. So now we're looking at the future of what marriage looks like and will look like and hopefully they'll have a 20-year long marriage or more. Well today's guests have also experienced marriage for over 20 years and they've had some ups and downs and they're going to share with us the secret to making marriage work. So tune in, lean in and join me as I discuss love and relationships for my red table talk this month. Today's guests, Rod and Rochelle, Roshan, Broussard. Excuse me you guys. Welcome. Thank you. It is totally my pleasure. I am so glad you guys are here at the Crossroads. We're glad to be here. Awesome. Definitely excited about it. I am excited. I'm excited to see y'all. I'm excited to hear. I can't wait to get right down to it. So I've introduced you all as people who've been married over 20 years. Exactly how long have you been married? 22 years to be exact. 22 years. Wow. Congratulations. That is worthy of applause. Give myself a hand. Hold on. Give me something to do with that one. Okay. I see you. I see you. Okay. That's good. 22 years. Yes. Give yourself a hand. Yes. I like that. So how did you meet? You want to try this one? I got my version to start with. I'll let you take it. I'll say my version of story is the right one, the more accurate one. We met back in, I want to say, it was 93-ish forest when I got stationed out in military in the Navy, got stationed out in Southern California. And we met at the beach. There was a little beach on Sunday evenings. A lot of young folks would go out and hang out and everything. That was the first time we met each other. Oh, nice there. You pick up from here. Well, I thought it was in the club. Oh, she said, how did we meet? So there was a, how did we meet? And then there was, how did we get connected? Okay. When did we start dating portion? So yes, it was at the beach. And we used to go out there with all of our friends, just listening to some music, having a great time. And this gentleman just drives up in his car. Yes, and drives up in his car. And he's looking at me. I'm looking at him and wondering, why is he looking at me? Oh, okay. Yes. And then what happened? Well, we kind of, you know, knew a lot of the same people. So we knew each other. We didn't really know each other. We ended up at the same different places, different parties, things like that. Some years fast forward, we went down the road. And I believe it was one night at a club. I thought it was a base club. Okay. And we ran into each other. Now, I'll tell you from this angle, I warned and I see her, we hadn't seen each other for a while. And she saw me and she stopped up against the wall and did one of these numbers, like her breath was taken away. And from that point on, I say that's where the dating portion started. That's how we continue forward in our relationship to where we are today. Oh, my, that's my version. That's your version. That reminds me, do y'all remember that episode of Martin when Martin is telling the story about how he and Gina met and he was like, she floated across the floor. I played the horn. I was a man. That's what that sounds like. That's his version. That's his. What's yours? Vivid to this day, I still had that recollection. No, my version was he was up against the wall. Oh, I was not paying attention to him. I saw him, but I was not paying attention to him because there was other things going on. Oh, okay. We'll just leave it at that. The proof is in the pudding. Okay. Whatever was there against the wall and saw somebody. Yes. Y'all ended up dating. Yes. And then you eventually got married. Yes. Wonderful. So then what happened? You have children now or? Yes, we do. We're a blended family. So I have a daughter and she has a son. They're in their 20s now. They're grown individuals and wonderful, wonderful children. 29 and 23. Out the house? Out of the house. Give me some on that. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. That's good. Empty nesters. Yes. That's what we're doing right now. Well, empty nesters look good on y'all. Y'all living it, living the life. It ain't easy. Okay. Okay. Well, I understand life in general is not easy, but marriage, marriage has its struggles. I mean, it has its ebb and flow. It's ups and downs. Yes. I'm wondering, have you had some ups and downs? Oh my goodness. Come on now. We've got a little bit more than ups and downs. Is that right? Yes. Yes. Oh my. Go ahead. Well, I mean, 22 years where you want to get started. I mean, there's a lot of things that happen over the years. Military man, you know, come and go a lot. Many of the travels, different places, I had to plug the family, move to different places to reset, get reset all over again. I was always told in my former years and early years of marriage, I was too militant, too hard. And I used to bring that mindset home, you know, how to separate work from home. So that was a lot of our problems, you know, the way I communicated. Now that's what I was going to hone into because we here in Honolulu, Hawaii, we have a lot of military families. And first of all, thank you for your service. Are you still active? I'm retired. Retired. Congratulations to both of you. Thank you. But being from in a military environment, I know a lot of families who struggle with the husband coming home and he's now back in charge, whereas the wife had or the other spouse, because it's not always the men that go away. Sometimes it's the woman who's in the military, but whatever spouse is left home, they have the huge burden of carrying the family until the other spouse returns. So you faced some challenges in that area. I did. And when he was gone, I had to take care of the whole household. So financially, emotionally, physically with the children. So it was, it was, it was rough. And then him being gone for six months at a time in the Navy and having to deal with temptations, having to deal with what else did we deal with not communicating that often, because we were not able to communicate that often because of him being gone. A couple of times he was out to where he was on the ship, not too much communication at all. And so that communication portion was a key thing for us that we had to really work on. It was a major factor. A major, major factor. And so it was very hard for kind of going back to what you were talking about him being gone. It was hard for me to give over the reins. Oh, they've been taken. Stroll back over the house when he came back home, because I had things structured, things were done a certain way. Kids went to bed at this time. It wasn't hard. She didn't want to give up to destroy. That's to put it, put it how it was. But we have this transition piece they do for the military where they kind of, they talk to the spouse, they talk to everybody and they say, okay, when you transition now, then when you transition in, because they know it is a challenge for, you know, for individuals, especially when you've been given that responsibility to have to take on and be mom and dad. And you know, when the other spouse comes back, it's like, you know, all the time we're ready to just kick the foot, you know, the door in and say, hey, I want to get put my foot down and come back. And we had to learn, we can't just do it that way. We have to ease back into it. We have to work with the other individual that's been home all the time, because life for them kept going on while we were out doing what we had to do. And a lot of times with this one, it was some struggles. She didn't want to let go of the race. Some control issues. Yes, I had some control issues. I like how you said that. Like you just so put together. I had some control issues. Yes. They didn't want to give up the money control either. Oh, yes. You know, I understand. Okay. And that, that was a main issue too, because you know, when they're out on deployments, they make a lot of extra money and have a tendency to just spend it frivolously. So yeah, did you spend it frivolously? I did. Yeah, she did. I did. Well, at least you're both honest with each other now. I don't know what it was like then, but at least you're able to tell it. Well, it was one time I came back and I was hot. She was showing me all the stuff she did at the house, which was beautiful. It was wonderful. But that's not what I told her. I wanted her to do with the money. And I left. Oh, I left. Left as in. Left the house. I took some time or some hours. I was gone. Yeah. Wow. Were you afraid? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I had to learn how to give him over that financial portion back to him. It was hard. I didn't look like it was very hard. So I'm hearing a few themes. I'm hearing communication. Oh, yes. But your communication was unique. Most couples have a problem communicating with one another, such as how do we argue with each other? How do I say what I need to say without totally destroying someone's feelings? But you all are saying that you had an issue with just being able to reach one another because you were on a ship. Well, not just that, not just the physical portion, but also too, because we're both strong. I'd like to say she's a little more stronger sometimes. But we're like a bullet around. There are more times that she's more vocal. And there are those little moments that I get a little vocal myself, but little because we're very strong and opinionated and set in our way of wanting to get our things across that neither one of us want to yield. And that's where a lot of our friction calls from. And that's where a lot of our communication or the lack of the communication came from. So it wasn't always just because of the physical barriers, just because of the barriers that we set, because one wants to always be in that full running place. And the other one just like, no, I'm not gonna sit here and just wait for you to tell me or dictate. No, I wanted to go ahead and tell you what I feel. It's like, wait a minute, one of us have to yield and we never wanted to be the individuals that say I'm going to yield and give you that space right now. That's wonderful that you all are able to articulate that so well now after having experienced it. But I'm wondering if there are other couples out there who are just like you all who have faced those communication issues or those money challenges or those control issues. We're going to, in our second segment, we're going to come back and we're going to talk about how we can help them. And then there's a special event before we go to break. Why don't you give us that special event that's coming up at, you tell it, is it at the Captain's Club? You want to go ahead with it? Well, it's going to be on February the 16th and it's going to be at the Hickam Officers' Lounge. It's going to be from 530 to 930. And it's called Learning to Love the Agape Way. And it's a lot of individuals coming together, married, single, engaged, to where they're coming together and we're going to show them how to love the Agape Way and also just have fun. We got music, dancing, you know, I like to get my groove on every now and again. So, and we have games and prizes. It's going to be an awesome event and it's $40 per person and you can go on to the CORCC website and you can purchase your tickets there and you also can go on to eventbrite.com and search under CORCC event and they also, too, will be able to take your payments. Awesome. So, we are going to make sure that we get that information out to you all. We're going to take a quick break. You're watching at the Crossroads. I'm Jay Fidel of Think Tech. Our flagship energy show among the six energy shows we have is Hawaii, the state of clean energy. It plays every Wednesday at 4 p.m. Come around and see us. Learn about energy. Keep current on energy on ThinkTechHawaii.com. Hey, loha, my name is Andrew Lanning. I'm the host of Security Matters Hawaii airing every Wednesday here on Think Tech Hawaii, live from the studios. I'll bring you guests. I'll bring you information about the things in security that matter to keeping you safe, your co-workers safe, your family safe, to keep our community safe. We want to teach you about those things in our industry that, you know, may be a little outside of your experience. So please join me because Security Matters. Aloha. Aloha and welcome back. You're watching at the Crossroads on ThinkTechHawaii.com, where you can also watch us live on Facebook, as I always say, live at five on Wednesdays. And then after the show, you can watch us on YouTube on the ThinkTechHawaii channel. I'm here today talking about relationships and love. We're talking to a wonderful couple who's been married for 22 years. They've had some great experiences, some unique challenges, and they've overcome them all, and they're still married. I'm speaking with Rod and Roshan. Thank you all so much for being here. Thank you for having us. So you've talked a little bit about communication, about respect, about money, about control, and yet you survived all of those challenges. Did it get any worse? Did it go any deeper? Those are universal issues that we've all faced. Did you have anything else that gave you pause within your marriage? Oh, yes. Most definitely, most definitely. I mean, there's a lot of things that brought a lot of pause. I mean, some serious, not even say pause, like a slam on the brakes, if you will. And there's been infidelity, you know, that was a major blow, major blow. Like I said earlier, with the transition of always coming and going back and forth with not just with the job, but the physical movement, that takes a lot out of a family. It takes a lot, you know, when you have to up and plug and move your family to another place and relearn people, get to another ministry, if you're in church, you know, a lot of different things that you, you know, you take for granted when you're in one place for a set amount of years that you don't have that when you every three or four years moving. Healthy issues with families, you know, our parents, you know, that's been another major challenge as well. I mean, you want to share in there because I don't want to take up the whole spot. Well, as we were talking about our communication, communication was a big issue for us because we didn't know how to communicate with one another. That's what led to us learning how to later on the art of listening. We didn't know how to listen to one another. We were hearing each other, but we weren't listening. And so in that process, it brought about as we spoke, the infidelity on both of our parts. It wasn't just on one end. It was both of our parts to where infidelity had taken place. And when we learned how to communicate and when we learned how to listen, that first of all, we had to really bring God into our relationship because without God, we wouldn't have been able to function, be together and stay together. You know, that's what I'm thinking. I'm hearing you say that. And I'm thinking infidelity is one of those things that for a lot of couples could be a deal breaker. Oh, yes. Yes. That ends a marriage. Yes. What caused you all to stay together? Well, like she just said, God, essentially, that mean that right there, it was the breaking point for us. Well, also too, in, we were, we were living in Virginia Beach, Virginia. Okay. And 2010, I remember one of the pastors that we were under, he came and prophesied to us in regards to our marriage ministry being birthed. And at that time we was like, what are you talking about? We were at the crucible. What? Oh my goodness. Yes. Dare I say, you were at the crossroads. Oh, we were at the crossroads. Crossroads of together divorce. And we were actually on the verge of divorcing. Both of us having our own plans that we would get ready to do with the other one, not even knowing. We were just waiting for our son to graduate high school. Sure was. Wow. Yes. So there was a plan in place to divorce. You stopped, obviously, and you've made it this far. Yes. And 2010, that's, that's eight, nine years ago, 10 years ago. Almost. Almost 10 years ago. Yeah. Wow. Well, congratulations on making it beyond that. We'll touch into that. If I haven't mentioned it to you, our viewers already, this is going to be a two part series. So this lovely couple is going to come back and we'll have another guest as well who'll come back and share with us about making it through tough challenges. We're also going to talk to singles, right? Because I'm going to ask them in just a moment, any advice they can give us for singles who are contemplating marriage because your event is not just for married couples. No, it's for singles as well. Okay. Yes. So it sounds like you all are actively involved in some way in a marriage and singles. Well, we like to label it relationship. That way we don't just pin it down because if you say just marriage and the singles that may be thinking about getting married, who may have been married before want to get remarried, they feel excluded. So when you say relationship, it opens it up for those that are currently married and those that are seeking or wanting to get married. Okay. Okay. So now this event is the 16th of February. Yes. Okay. And that is for relationships in general. Yes. That's so wonderful. It's good that you all are doing this, but I want to kind of touch on what advice you would give any other married couple who might be facing what you all faced. I'm going to let you handle this one. Wow. I would give, I will speak to the women. Okay. Well, you tell. Okay. Women, I'm going to speak to you. Learn how to respect your spouse. Learn how to understand his communication. The way that he communicates is so different from every other man that you may have been in a relationship with. Do not put him in a box as being who that other person was who may have helped you. So respect, communicate, and understand him and learn his five love languages. And you will be successful. Yes. Well, that's wonderful. What advice do you have for the men since she channeled in on the women? Well, brothers, one thing if I cannot tell you nothing else, you have to learn how to first of all, humble yourself in your relationship. A lot of times we have a lot of pride because we are the man because we are the head because we are the set person for the house. And sometimes we become a dictator. Sometimes we become too overpowering, too puffed up in ourselves. If we learn to humble ourselves and understand this person that you have with this is your teammate. She's not against you. She's not your enemy. She's your teammate. And as you understand most of us as we do sports, we have a role. I have my role. She has her role. If we understand the definitive of each other's role, then allow her to be who she's supposed to be in her role and humble yourself and let's work as a team in every area, every capacity of your marriage and relationship. Those are some good tips for both the men and for women. And I think they would be good for anyone who is not married, thinking of getting married, engaged. So your event that's coming up is about relationships. Will they get more teaching like that? Maybe? Well, this is a funny event. They don't even teach anything like that. We just want people to come out and just enjoy themselves and just have a good time. No, sit down. We're going to lecture anything. It's just so that they have fun, enjoy socialized and just feel like you can be a couple together. It's almost like a little date night for those. And then for the singles, just so that they can love themselves, enjoying themselves. Self love. Self love is the best love. Self love is the best love. I love it. Okay. I absolutely love it. I love what you all are sharing. I love just everything about you, you know, because your story is, it's not really unique in that everybody faces challenges and some people do overcome those challenges. But I think what makes you all unique is the fact that you're willing now to share it. Oh yes. You're willing to share it. So when we come back next week, we'll talk a little bit more about some of those tougher challenges that you all have faced and maybe dig a little deeper, right? We're going to end up as friends, but I do want to get down to the nitty gritty. Most definitely. No, I got to know. The listeners want to know, the viewers want to know, right? Yes. So we'll do that again. I can't tell you how much I appreciate you all for being here and for sharing with us. And I'm thinking that, you know, this is something that you probably won't do just once, right? I'm thinking that you have other opportunities to not just come here, but other places. Have you all ever considered that? Well, we've talked about it. Yes. It's something that we know is in our near future. And, you know, it's something different for me because it's not my wheelhouse, my wife, that's her, that's her thing. She's the bubbly one. I just love to help people. Okay. Yes. In any kind of way that we can. And in this arena with relationships, it's very key because relationships nowadays are just going through the ups and downs. And many people don't know how to address certain things. So that is one of our greatest gifts is being able to help those who cannot help themselves and giving them those tools. And because we went through so many different things and God has allowed us to weather those storms, we want to be able to give people something that they can have a sense of hope to know that, Hey, I can come through this as well. Right. If they made it through, then I can make it through it. Yes. And we do want to leave people with hope. One of the things that I'm big on here, the name of the show is at the Crossroads because many of us come to those Crossroads in life where we do have to make a change in direction. Sometimes those changes are not planned. Like it sounds like it happened within your marriage unplanned. We're not always prepared for it. But when you come to a Crossroads, it's your perspective that makes the difference. If you have a good perspective about it, then hopefully you can make it through whatever challenges you face and come out on the other side successfully as you all have done. I would agree. Awesome. We definitely had to change how we think. Really? Yes. Yeah. So that could probably lead to another half hour. Because there's a process to that. Changing your perspective and how you think is not an overnight job. It was not. And 15 seconds or less. Just give us a little insight on what that was like for you all. Well, for me, changing the way I thought meant for me to look at Roderick, look at what did I do or did not do to cause whatever friction, to cause whatever issues were in the home and in the relationship, especially in dealing with her. Introspection. And that is so hard. Very, very hard. It's very hard because when you are doing it for real, it hurts because you get to see the good, the bad and the ugly. We don't like ugly. And we don't like ugly. No. And I used for an example before the show that sometimes we have a tendency to put things under the rug. And when you put it under the rug, it grows so big to where you're fobbling over that thing. And when you don't necessarily go under there and start pulling what's up under there, it just stinks. It just starts stinking after a period of time. And so at that crossroads, we had to stop stinking and get all that stuff from up under that rug and start dealing with it one piece at a time. And it was rough. Yes. Some of it wasn't one piece at a time. Some of it was just thrown in it. All at once. Yes. Yes. Look, I have to stop you right there. Okay. I have to stop you right there because it's good and it's getting good and we're getting revved up again. That's why I have to have you all back for two parts. We're going to have them back next week with some other guests. And we're going to talk a little bit more about love and relationships. And this red table that you see, we're going to do this maybe once a month because we need to have some of those tough conversations that people don't always want to have because it's not easy. And it's not like the latest gossip. It's not who got married like Justin Bieber and what's going to happen and how long it's going to last. But it's important stuff that we really need to discuss because here at the crossroads, we want to help as many people as we can to help them improve their lives, to meet them exactly where they are, and to deal with those difficult issues that are real and relevant. So as I always say, I'm your girl. He's your king. I'm really a woman, but I'm your girl. He's your king. I'm like your friend. And we get together every week, live at five on Wednesdays at the crossroads. I'll see you next week. Aloha.