 George Bruno with the 21 Convention Patriarch Edition of the 21 Report. We're talking with Hunter Drew. Welcome. So have me. All right. Tell us about what you talked about today. The Patriarch type. Talking about the, you know, Tanner Guzzi has the archetypes, you're rugged, you're refined, that's what you present to the world. I wanted to talk about what fathers are presenting and the profile and personality of that person and how as a father, there are types of fathers and you need to be the right type, the one that's involved and actually getting after it. Fatherhood is important. It's so important. How many children do you have? Two. Two children. Is that it? Anymore coming? No. Is that it? Don't be outnumbered. How do you apply that whole archetype thing to your fatherhood? When I look at my style of parenting, there are certain things that I do that I believe are right. Other fathers may disagree, but I think there are certain universal aspects that overlap everyone. Being present in their lives. Being a good example for them to follow. Because they do follow our example, not our advice. So there are fathers out there who are giving great advice, but they're not living that message. So I talked about the universal aspects and in my life I try to balance what I believe is right along with what I know to be right as a human. When, now do you have a boy and a girl? I do. That's right, you do. I'm remembering some of your posts about going to ball games and such. We like to say that men and women are different. How are boys and girls different? In your speech, you nailed it. From birth, the difference could not be more clear. Boys will go out and climb the mud and they'll immediately wrestle anything next to them. Or girls want things put together nice and neat and they've got things clear and they'll sit there and have discussions with you. And the boys are like, I don't want to talk. I just want to go do. That's from birth. It's a little disappointing when you see parents trying to push them into the same mold. You've got to let the boys be boys. You've got to let the girls be girls. In my kids, my son is nine. My daughter is six. So he came out first, used to that. And when she came out, it's like night and day. I was like, whoa, we're totally different like a whole new ball game. So it's been enjoyable. So there is truth to boys will be boys. 100%. Yeah. How does your parenting style as a father differ from the style of your wife? So I'm much more, not brash, but I'm much more clear cut. This is what we're doing. Figure it out how you're going to get there. She wants to, she's more of a help them get along the way and how they're going to do it. If I say go clean your room, you go clean your room. If my wife says go clean your room, she's going to go help you clean your room. And that's just totally, I don't know if it's the military man of me, but I'm like, nope, put it all away. Figure it out. I'll be there in five minutes. It's not done. You're there five more minutes. Setting limits for kids. It sounds like you just set a limit. Talk about setting limits. Boundaries are important for the development of any kid. Any human being has boundaries. They have their lives. You have your boundaries. I have mine. Our children have theirs. But coming up, they don't get to decide those on their own because they don't know any better. So you set boundaries. Not only on what is right and what is wrong, what you expected them, the standard you expected it, but also how they draw boundaries in their own life. You know, and we've got to teach our children that when they're drawing boundaries, they kind of see through your example. Hey, here's what I'm going to do. And don't cross that line. So let's say there's a bully or something like that. Your children, you've taught them, here's the line. Don't cross it because if you do, I will defend that. And it's huge because if you're not setting boundaries, your children never learn how to do that. How do you go from single man with no responsibilities or married man with no responsibilities to all of a sudden now you brought another life in the world and what you do doesn't matter as much as like you want it. Mouths have to be fed. Sacrifices have to be made. Children come first when it comes to provision. How did you deal with that? So I was lucky. I was in the Navy, so I deployed. My wife figured it out. But honestly, you just do it. Nothing will prepare you for fatherhood. You can read the books. You can talk to your friends. But what's it like to wake up at two o'clock in the morning and then four o'clock in the morning to a baby needing to be fed while you need to go to work? That thing needs you to survive. Without you and your spouse or the other caretaker, that child dies. And that's insane. How do you make something more important than yourself? When it's born, you just do it. You just figure it out as you go. There's no template for fatherhood. There's no manual that's like, this is the right way to do it. You kind of just make your own up as you go and you fall back on your values, your boundaries. I like to say that I was an expert at parenting until I had kids. Exactly. That's perfect. Yeah, all the books. They're nice, but it really is the on-the-job training. And that's why it's huge to have a good network because you can rely on people to help you relax. If they can take the kids, you can get the rest. They can maybe try it this way instead of that. And I think with what we're doing here as patriarchs at the Patriarch Convention, we're having men swapping notes like that. It's where we learn how it is that you go forward and do what it is you're doing as a father and how you can improve upon that. All the guys are talking. Hey, I never thought about doing it that way. Right. What about when it comes to young men who desire to be married, desire to have children, what would you tell the young guy about fatherhood, the young man that's going to be a father someday? It's one of the greatest decisions I've ever made. It's what I wanted. I wouldn't change a thing. I knew going in what I wanted. I didn't ask somebody, should I be a father? I didn't ask, should I reproduce and find a woman to get married? Those were not questions for me. I knew that's what I was going to do and I went forward and did it. If you think doing that because at a certain age you're supposed to, if you think at a certain income level, at a certain point in your life, that's what you're supposed to do, you're doing it for the wrong reasons. Have kids because you want kids, not because you think you're supposed to have kids. Is it better to wait to have children? That's a really good question and a lot of people ask that. I had my son at 22 and my daughter at 25. No. To me, I was a young father. I was able to keep up. I do all the sports now. I couldn't imagine being 60 with a nine-year-old and there are men out there who, that's their situation and they're killing it. These guys, they're working out. Our health is only getting better. Our education is only getting better. We're staying mobile longer. So my story, I was a young father. I wouldn't say wait, but I'm 100% biased and I'm willing to admit that. I kind of wish that I had my kids younger. My first child was born when I was 36. I wish I started younger. I do. I really do. I feel, not that I didn't have the energy for raising the kids. It's just different. It's different. They have an older father. There's a good discussion to be had there though, which is with men in our group, I guess you will, the men who are looking to improve, they're always looking to raise the standard. People think that if you wait until you're comfortable or you're situated, you're in a good spot to care for family, that's when you should start it. But the reality is you're never in a good situation because you're always trying to get better. They call wait until next year because I'm going to do more. We're never not going to be doing more. So you've got to pull the trigger at some point. If you wait for the checklist to be all checked off before you have kids or want to wait until things are perfect, you'll never have kids. Exactly. That's one of the driving forces. I was like, well, I want to be stable. I was an E3. I was making like 28, that wasn't a year. I was making nothing. But I was like, I want kids, so let's do it. What hope would you give fathers? Exactly that. I would give hope. I would share stories of the joy I'm having. A lot of people talk about the hardships men are facing, and those are real and those need to be recognized. But we need to balance that out with the other side of it, which is going home to a child that looks up to you and you're that child's world. There's something powerful about that. Seeing daughters run to you and forever you're talking about, still, you'll text your daughter and she shoots right back. Forever that relationship, to me, there is something very special about that. And there is hope. It's difficult, especially with the climate we're living in societally. I mean, it is hard. The cards are stacked against you. But do your work and just give it the best you can. I love my kids. Dr. Sean Smith and I were talking about stories, the importance of telling stories to children. How do you incorporate stories, or do you incorporate stories into your parenting? I do. Through books, as well as making up stories. Usually it's before bed, but sometimes we'll have a little get-together and all of a sudden I'm telling it. And it's with an intent. Maybe I saw them face an obstacle that day, and I was like, oh, I don't like how they handled it, or maybe I do like. So I'll tell a story, and into that I'll weave a message. Like I want this to stick with you. And so that way, when you're telling yourself that story, you're that character. And they get that on a deeper level than if you were to just say, I don't like how you did this, or I'm very proud that you did that. And you tell the story, and it kind of stays longer. It hits the deeper part of the mind that sticks with them. I do like that. Stories communicate things that just straight instruction doesn't. Exactly. Do you have any bedtime rituals with your kids? Yes. Of course. You know, so rituals are important. Traditions are important. For bedtime, my daughter goes to the bed before my son. She's younger. So she'll go to bed, and she brushes her teeth, she gets her water, she comes out, gives me a hug, go back in there, and then we talk about what we're going to do the next day. And then if we don't have a story, it's a little head-butt nose kiss, or a little head-butt, and we'll do a nose and I'll kiss her on the forehead. And then she gets tucked in, and then she gets up, and she's like, wait, I love you. And then she'll jump back into bed, and I'm just like, oh man. And with my son, even at nine years old, he's like, can you put me to bed? So he'll go to bed. He does everything himself. But he just wants me to go in there and be like, hey, good night. And then lights are off. And it's interesting. I don't know when that's going to stop. I don't want it to stop. But I'm starting to see him more and more. He doesn't need to kiss anymore. He doesn't need all of a sudden these things. More independent. Exactly. But at night, I'm always, hey, I'm the last thing he hears before he goes to bed. Yeah. Yeah, it's the parents cutting the meal of their children. The kid says, I can do it. I referenced that in my speech. I was like, when you told that story, I was like, oh man, I felt that. I 100% felt that one. Yeah. How have you seen your kids become more independent? Day to day, incrementally, they're needing less. They can go outside on their own. That was a big deal for my wife and I. You know, hey, go out and play. They didn't need us to watch them. Right. That was a step. You know, now they're out. And they don't really ride down the road to their friend's house. They're starting to go to their friend's houses and do things like that. And you're like, oh, you're not with me anymore. And they're going to have sleepovers. Now they're staying away from us. And then it's just these little things. And all of a sudden, you know, oh, I can climb the monkey bars on my own. Yeah. Since when? Like, when did that happen? But it's just, you start seeing them go. And that's the beauty and the pain of it all is the duality of our role as a father. I want them home forever. I want them with me so I can protect them. And we can have this loving thing that we have right now. At the same exact time, I've got to train them and lead them and educate them to leave and be functional adults. Tell us about the first time that you and your wife were both away from the children. That's a good one. I think we went on a anniversary date and we went on a three-day vacation and we left the kids with her parents. And it was weird. I mean, you start looking at your phone. Should we call them? Are they sleeping? Should we check in on them? And we did. We were like, alright, everything's good, right? Do I need to talk to them? And it's one of those things where you're not, you know, you're lovers and your parents. You're not just co-parents. You know, we all know how that works out. So when you try to maintain that attraction, you've got to go on those dates. You've got to do those things away from the kids. But there's that, that hind-brain in you that's saying like, I've got to protect my offspring. I've got where are my babies? Yeah. So it's a good balance. You've got to make sure you have that, though. Yeah. As far as having them be away for the day, school or... And you know that there's other people in charge of your children when they're away. What are your thoughts about that? What are your concerns about that? What are the things that have gone through your head that they are in the care of someone else? Will there be a teacher or a coach or whatever? Will your father trust anybody more than himself to defend his children? So there's the aspect of are they in good care? What values and morals are being instilled in their minds? What message is being pumped into their brain while I'm not there to filter it? You know, we talk about social media. I think that's a huge part is all these people are talking to your kids. What are they saying? Well, my kids are at school. And one way that the wife and I counteract this is every day, what did you learn about today? Tell me three things about your day. What are you grateful for? What was the worst part about your day? And you get to see these, you see the brain, the gears turning. That's a difficult one. What was the worst part of your day today? And then they've got to tell you sometimes, you know, they got in trouble for blah, okay, let's talk about it. You know, you kind of work through these things, but they are at school a long time. What are the teachers saying? You know, you've got to be involved. You've got to be asking. What was said to you? As far as all the other voices, there's a lot of voices. Do your children, are they on the computer by themselves? Do they watch TV by themselves? What are your thoughts about that? We filter all of it. My kids don't have screen time. They have very limited laptop time. And that's only because I do want them to be competent. Being able to like, that's the future. They're going to be on computers. I'm on computer all the time. So I allow them that to understand it, but I'm filtering what they're watching. You know, there's no YouTube, there's no stuff like that. If they go on YouTube, it's to research. And what sound does a humpback whale make? Things like that. So when you have that aspect of it, you have to understand that when they're going to that freedom, it's the wild west on the internet. Even the TVs, it's not okay. And you need to know what your children are watching. And you'll be able to tell them no. You're not going to watch SpongeBob or whatever is out there. That's not for you. We watch Planet Earth, things like that, things that are educational. Do they have TVs in their room? No, never will. Okay. They obviously don't have cell phones yet. No. When will they have cell phones? So, wife and I had that discussion. We're a little back and forth. We agree when they need them. When my son's practicing and I'm not his coach, let's say middle school, high school, and he starts like, I need you to pick me up. And even then, I'm like, well, your coach will have a phone. But that's the, I guess, the cynic. I don't know. But I don't think they need one. There's no reason they should have a phone. Laptop or tablet for the kids? What do you think is better? A laptop. As far as research is concerned, when kids want to know things, can they look things up independently without you? Yes. But there's a proven track record that I don't walk in their room and all of a sudden they're watching some show. It started with, no, you cannot. You want to change whatever screen you're watching, come get me to the point where, okay, you've proven, so here's some more freedom. You can look whatever you're looking up. You have a half hour. Go research what you want to research. But if I walk in and find the wrong thing on, you won't see a laptop for two months. And they know that it's happened. So they understand I'm very clear with what they're allowed, not allowed to see. What about have your kids asked you any interesting questions that kind of threw a curve at you? Did one of them ever say, Daddy, what's a transvestite or something like that? And you're like, where did you hear that? Has their curiosity brought them anywhere that's kind of shocking to you? No. I'm very fortunate with that as well because I know there are some wild things out there. One of the most confusing things that I wasn't sure how to answer was my daughter asked me why do boys have man buns? Something in a guy with a man bun came on. She was like, boys don't have long hair. I was like, you're so clearly defined in the sexes and the roles. But it was all in good humor. They've not found the weird things out there. Is it important for kids to help out around the house? Help mommy do things, help daddy do things? If children want freedom, they need to earn it. If children want to, parents who want them to develop into functional adults, they need to understand what work is. Absolutely. If I'm outside, my son comes with me. My daughter helps my wife with the dishes, cooking, and my son doesn't care at all about those things. But if I'm like, hey, we got to go rake the yard, and my daughter will do that as well. But she's more with my wife and those things. Check the oil in the vehicle. Both of them, I teach life skills. But when it comes to home care, it's more daughter with wife, me with son. When it comes to, hey, how do you take care of things though? They both need those skills. What about pumping gas? Do they get out of the car when you pump gas? That's a good question. No, but I used to get out of the car when my dad pumped gas. I don't know why I didn't continue that. I might kick him out with me now. It's cold, come on. Something to think about. And you now have pets. Pets need care. How has having pets changed your life? What are the new dynamics in the household now that there's pets? They've really stepped up. They understand that they're responsive. They get annoyed too. They're learning that, oh, it's such a cute puppy. It's annoying when you've got to clean up and do all those things because they bite the stuffed animal and rip it to pieces and all this fuzz everywhere. No, you go pick that up. I'm not picking it up. And all of a sudden they're like, now I've got to clean my things up. Now they understand why. They have the second order of events. So the puppies have been a great addition. They wake up pretty early, but okay, do you think that children benefit from having pets? 100%. The first time I saw this, we weren't homesteading, but we bought some chickens and we had, wait, we're not farmers. It was just on the whim. I'm like, let's get some chickens. So I built a coop. My daughter would go in there every day, check for the eggs, pet the chickens. She would sweep the thing out. I was like, this is incredible. I never thought of how kids on farms mature much faster because they understand I've got to take care of these things. And that was eye-opening for me. Wow. What was the biggest curveball that was thrown at you about parenting? You got some good questions, George. I would say dealing with the different personalities of the kids in my head and your head as a father, your kids are going to do a certain thing. And they may not. I thought my daughter would love dance. She's always dancing. We put her in dance class. She wants nothing to do with it. And you're like, well, now do I force her to continue on? Or do I, because she committed to it? Or do I tell her to leave it because she's not enjoying it and there's nothing beneficial to come from it? And as a parent, you're facing a lot of these questions where you're like, am I doing good or am I doing bad? That's good. I cleaned the diaper. That's good. I don't drop the baby. That would be bad. When they're getting older, though, that black and white is so much more gray. Am I helping my kids by what I do online and by being here right now? Or am I hurting them by not being present in their life? I'm always asking myself these questions. I don't know if I'm doing the right or the wrong thing. I go with my best judgment for the family as opposed to the self and to see how that works while continuing to develop me. But you do ask a lot of those questions and I never thought it would be that difficult. I thought it would be obvious, but it's not so much all the time. Talk about division of labor in the household and what the kids observe regarding division of labor between mom and dad. It's super traditional. My wife is a great cook, so she cooks and I like your story about that. I wanted to eat. My wife cooks, she does the laundry, I tend to mow in the lawn making sure the outside is good, the vehicles, things like that. And they see that. They also see I can grill, I can cook if I need to and there are times where the wife will be outside and she's putting the mulch down and she's doing some landscaping as well. So they see that we have what we're good at and it's complementary because while she's taking care of the home I'm free to go do these things. But if need be, so my wife is a realtor. If she's got to go on a call, I can swoop in, I can make dinner, but they see that I have to have the skill set as well as men. Are you running into men who don't have children here at the Patriarch convention? Are there men who don't have kids who want to have kids? There are more than I thought there would be. Because that's how we marketed. We said it's for fathers and those that want to be fathers. So there's a large want to be father contingency here. There's quite a few. I didn't know what the allure because I thought it would be all fathers and we're going to talk about parenting. And these guys are like, I want to start out right. I was like, whoa. I understood the marketing aspect of it. I understood why we were opening up because you're starting out on the right foot. You have all these men who've lived it are going to help you not fall in the pitfalls we've all fallen into. I thought that was pretty cool. What is the biggest lesson that you've learned from let's say an older father, Texas Dom is a mentor of mine and his son was in sports. There's a lot of overlap between him and I and our families. He's taught me so much about how the way you do things, your children A, are always watching them. But B, doing one thing wrong isn't going to screw him up for life. Just fix it. If I'm like, hey, I lost my temper and I yelled at my son for doing something I told him not to do. It's not the end of the world. A, help you avoid falling in the pitfall. But B, not be so tough on... I get you're a dad, but you make mistakes too. Yeah. How can people find you? How can people find more about you and your work? My blog is thefamilyalpha.com I'm on Twitter too much at Hunter Drew TFA. I mean that's the majority of it. I have the fraternity of excellence which is the brotherhood that I created with Craig James and it's similar to what we have here with the patriarchs. A bunch of men coming together to talk about being better at what we're doing and getting to where it is we want to go. Excellent. Hunter Drew from the family alpha. Thank you sir. Thank you.