 So let's talk about setting boundaries because step number one is actually being assertive. And I know that a lot of our clients come to us because they're struggling in that area. They know they're unhappy. They know they're frustrated. But they don't feel comfortable being assertive. And assertiveness is on a spectrum. All right. On the one hand, you have complete passivity. So no assertiveness at all just take life as it comes at you. And then that's where you can just accept the way people treat you, right? You have no wherewithal to say enough. Hey, I don't like being treated this way. You are essentially the doorman. Now, on the other end, you have flat out aggressiveness or as Johnny called being the asshole, right? Having to be like, enough is enough. I've had it. Now, on that side, you don't really care about how you treat others. You're now just saying, it's over. We're done here. Well, because usually the cues have been laid out. And it's difficult because, you know, if everyone has their weaknesses and places to grow, I certainly know that I could be a little bit more diplomatic when it comes to people pushing on my buttons. But as I said, the way I've always gone about it in the past is I've given you all the cues and you're still too dim to see that you're at the store. So now I have to lash out. And we're at a place where that's becoming more and more the norm because people's emotional cue or the emotional tellage is just not being picked up as it used to be. I mean, that used to be a thing that you would always be on the lookout for. And now it's just like, well, I didn't hear anything. I didn't see anything. I don't want to say anything. I'm just knocking on the door. Yeah. Doors locked. Address has changed. So we have these two extremes, right? If you're passive, it means you're not deserving of any respect. Basically, you allow everyone else to get the respect first. The doormat. If you're aggressive, almost combative, then you're simply saying, I'm the only one who deserves respect. But when we're talking about assertiveness, it's the middle. It's the sweet spot where you and the other person both deserve respect, mutual respect. You respect yourself and you respect the other person. Now, being assertive can be as simple as saying, excuse me, this is not what I ordered when I placed my order for that pasta. This has tomatoes. I had requested no tomatoes, right? That is assertive. That's you saying, I requested something. I didn't get what I had requested. Can we please go back to what I requested? And Johnny's smiling here, but there are even moments in my life where I'm like, well, I'll just eat the pasta. I don't mind tomatoes, right? Sure. We love that. I've been conditioned to realize that, hey, I have to be more assertive in a lot of these areas of my life because I, through my own upbringing, my assertiveness was dimmed. Now, when we talk about being assertive, of course, you know, sending the pasta back is one thing. But let's talk about how this comes up in relationships because this episode is obviously all about relationships and it can be a lot more complex. So it goes something like this. When you do this, then that happens. That makes me feel this way. In the future, please do this instead. It's identifying the behavior that is causing you harm, mental, emotional, anguish, or physical harm on the extreme. It's identifying the emotion that comes up from said behavior and then it's giving them an alternative that will allow you to not feel that negative emotion, right? That's crystal clear. For example, Johnny, when we're in meeting and you take out your phone each time you get a notification, I have to sit there and wait until you're done. That makes me feel like this meeting is not as important to you as this phone. In the future, could you please put your phone on airplane mode when we're in meetings so we could both be fully engaged? That would drive me nuts too. Now, let's take this apart, right? Notice how I'm not being aggro to Johnny, calling Johnny an asshole for being on his phone, checking his notifications. I'm being respectful towards Johnny and it's also asking Johnny to be respectful of my needs, right? I showed up to the meeting. I'm fully present. I would appreciate you to participate in this meeting as fully present. Now, the important piece to this formula we just outlined, right? When you do this, this happens. That makes me feel this way, bold it, underline it, highlight it. You need to identify the emotion that is evoked based on the behavior. Why? Because that now solves the argument. Johnny can't argue with me about how I'm feeling. When I let him know, I feel like you don't view this meeting as important. Well, what's he going to say? No, you don't feel that way, AJ? Is he in my head? Is he able to feel my emotions? No. So it allows the boundary to be set based on the way that you're feeling and the last part of that formula is giving Johnny an option for behavior that will allow you to feel good, feel safe, feel respected, feel loved. Obviously my emotions and the way that I'm feeling is not a place for us to argue. It's going to be very difficult, as I said, for Johnny to say, oh, wait a second, clearly this meeting is important. You have to feel this is important. You can see how that argument is not going to go anywhere. So the important step in the formula, identifying the behavior, is then identifying your feelings based on that behavior and lastly creating space and an opportunity by demonstrating behavior that you would prefer to see. That is a boundary. Now, let's take it a step further with the pro tip here and I love this. As we said earlier, remember, we often don't have all of the puzzle pieces. We have our perspective and our views on the situation, but I may not know Johnny is checking the notifications on his phone because his mom told him something serious is going on and he needs to be available for her. I may not have all of those puzzle pieces. We often don't know what the other person values and why. Maybe Johnny had a very good reason to check his phone. So I want to make sure that I acknowledge that. So you could add this at the end, but maybe I'm not seeing all the facts and I would like your opinion on that as well. What do you think? Is there another way in which we could handle this? Wow, what a respectful way to state how his behaviors are impacting me, what that impact is, and then offer an opportunity for Johnny to provide another solution. Again, this is not adversarial, this is not black and white. I've created a safe space for my emotions to be respected and for Johnny to come up with his own solutions to the problem.