 Craft presents the Great Gildersleeve. Hee hee hee. Cheese company who also bring you Bink cross every Thursday night, presenting week at this time Harold Perry is the Great Gildersleeve, written by John Wheaton. We'll hear from the Great Gildersleeve in just a moment. Likely as not, you've all heard and read a lot about margarine lately. You see, margarine is a wholesome spread for bread our government recommends in our national nutrition program. But if you haven't tried margarine for the last few years, you'll certainly be pleasantly surprised when you taste parquet margarine, the delicious vegetable margarine that's made by craft. Parquet margarine is made to the same high standards of flavor and quality as craft's other famous food products. Parquet's flavor is so delicate and appetizing you'll be proud to use it, as a spread for bread, a flavor shortening for baking, and for pan-frying too. Just try it once and see if you don't agree that parquet margarine's delightful, satisfying flavor is just bound to please. And another thing, parquet margarine provides important nutritional elements. Vitamin A and food energy we need every day, so don't just ask your food dealer for margarine, ask for parquet, P-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet margarine made by craft. Now let's join our friend, the great Gildersleeve, who has been carrying on a feud recently with the water department. Two weeks ago, he got up a petition complaining about the water pressure, but all the action he got out of Commissioner Clanahan was a large hole dug in his front yard, which has been there ever since. This morning, we find him at the barbershop where he's gone to carry his fight to the people, while Floyd takes a little off the sides. Yes, sir? I told him, Clanahan, I'll give you exactly 24 hours. I said, either you get that hole fixed up, I said, or I don't pay my water bill. That's telling him. What did he say? He said, you don't pay your bill, and I'll turn off your water. That's telling him. What did you say? I said, the pressure's so low now that I wouldn't know the difference. I said, go ahead and turn it off. That's telling him. What did he do then? He turned it off. Yeah, that'll fix him. Yeah, but what am I gonna do for water? Well, come in, Mr. Peavey, you're next. Oh, I see you're busy, Florence. I can turn back. No, no, I'm just finishing up with Mr. Gildersleeve here. It won't be a minute. Now, take a load off your feet. Well, good morning, Mr. Gildersleeve. Hello, Peavey. How's the drug business? Well, to tell you the truth, Mr. Gildersleeve, it's been a little slow. But then it always was. I guess I can't complain. Oh. Well, that coal spell we had last week must have boomed things for you. Well, now I wouldn't say that. Well, there were a lot of coals, people all over town coughing and sneezing. Yes, there were. And we did have a little flurry and cold remedies, but then the soda fountain fell off. Yes. Well, things are bad all over. Yeah, what's the use? Government's gonna take everything we make over 25,000 a year anyway. And I'm not gonna kill myself. Would you like a little something on it, Mr. Gildersleeve? What do you got, Floyd? Oh, you know, Wild Root, Lucky Tiger, Edpinods. Got them all. I got a new one, too. It rose to pickety. That sounds nice. Yeah, smell it. Give me a little of that. I put some on Mr. Peavey the other day and he had a lot of nice comment on it, didn't you, Mr. Peavey? Well, now I wouldn't say that. The time you put that on me, Mrs. Peavey made me sleep in the guest room. You might have told me before he got it on me, Peavey. Good morning, Judge. Good morning, Judge Hooker. Hello, Floyd. Peavey. Well, Gildy, I suppose you're feeling pretty good. About what? About Clannaghan. The way I feel about Clannaghan, I could be arrested. But don't tell me you haven't heard. Heard what? Clannaghan's quit. He quit? Yep. He turned in his resignation last night. So the town is now without a water commissioner. It was without a water commissioner before Clannaghan quit, too. You're right, Gildy, and you deserve all the credit for getting rid of it. Well, now I wouldn't say that. Oh, yes you do. You got up the petition. Of course I outlined it. Oh, no, you didn't. Oh, yes I did. But I don't want any credit for that. No, I can see that. I signed it, remember? So did I. We all did. But our friend, Gilder Sleeve, here is the one who circulated it. He gets the credit. Of course you know who they're talking about for water commissioner now, don't you, Gildy? No, who? Oh, come on. Don't be modest. What do you mean? Use your head, Gildy. Who is the obvious man for the job? Why, of course. It isn't official yet, so I wouldn't say anything about it. But the town council is meeting tomorrow afternoon and they tell me it's just a formality. But, judge, I don't even know that I'd want the job. I mean, I haven't even thought about it. I mean, Floyd, get this thing off of me. Wait a minute. Aren't you going to... I haven't got time. Here's a dollar. Keep the change. Where's my phone? What's your hurry, commissioner? Holy smokes. He never took me more than 15 cents before. You know some people will believe anything. What do you mean, judge? You can fool some of the people some of the time and you can fool some of the people all of the time. But Gilderslee fools himself. What do you mean, Mr. Gilderslee isn't going to be water-commissioning? Well, don't tell me you fell for a two-PV. Yeah. Some people will believe anything. But I think Mr. Gilderslee would make a very good commissioner. What's that got to do with it? This is politics. What do you think Clanahan resigned for? Well, he has his cold business and a grain and feed. And the hardware and half his brother's plumbing business. Yes, and he also has a son-in-law that he's sick of supporting. Yeah, Harry Holes-Apple. You watch. Day after tomorrow, Harry Holes-Apple will be water-commissioned. It's nothing, really. But you've been running. Not particularly. It'll be calm, my dear. I am calm. What is it? Sit down. You better sit down, too. Oh, I'm quite all right. I think I will sit down, though. Yeah. Now, tell me, my dear, what have you been doing with yourself all morning? Uncle Mord, what is it? Oh, that. Well, Marjorie, I have a little piece of news for you. You and Leroy, where is he? He'll be back in a minute. Now, what's the news? Well, it isn't official yet, but Judge Hooker says it's practically in the bag. What? What is it? Marjorie, how would you like it if your old uncle were commissioner of the waterworks? Commissioner? You mean... Uh-huh. Wonderful. Uncle Mord, that's wonderful. Not as wonderful as all that. Oh, yes, it is, and you deserve it. You did the whole thing yourself. Uncle Mord, I'm so proud of you. Well, public service has its compensations, I see. Uncle Mord's going to be water commissioner. Yeah. Well, Leroy, did you hear me? Uncle Mord's going to be water commissioner. What does it pay? Leroy. I haven't the faintest idea what it pays young man, and furthermore, I don't care. I've been asked to serve the community, and I intend to serve it to the best of my ability. I know what it does pay. Yes. Birdie, guess what? Oh, I'm no good at guessing. Uncle Mord's going to be water commissioner. My goodness. If I'd known that, how the things it can. Yes. Well, it's not too late yet, Birdie. Oh, you're going to have to do a lot of things, Birdie. When you answer the phone, you're going to have to say, Commissioner Gildersley's house. Excuse me, Miss Marjorie. Resident. Oh, resident? Yes. And we must see that the laundry puts more starch in his collar. Wait a minute. I can't stand stiff collars. That makes no difference. You're an important man now, and you've got to dress the park. You can't wear that baggy old suit another day. But this is my best suit. It's your only suit. Well, I can't wear more than one suit at a time. I know, but you shouldn't have to go to bed every time you have it pressed. You're going to be a busy man. You're right there, my dear. You don't want people saying there goes Mr. Gildersley, the worst dressed water commissioner in town? No, but the well-dressed man today isn't the man with police in his pants. It's the man with shiny elbows. In another few weeks, you aren't even going to have elbows. I think you ought to go out and buy a new suit, Uncle Moore. Oh, maybe you're right, my dear. But it'll have to be for the duration. Another thing, you ought to have a decent photograph taken for the indicator vindication. Oh, what would they want with a photograph of me? Do you think I ought to have a profile or a full face? How about a panorama, Uncle? Very good, Leeroy. Very good. A little fresh, but we're overlooking things today. Oh, come on, Uncle Moore. We've got a million things to do. Let's get started. Wait a minute. There's one thing first. Remember, all of you, this is not official yet. It's not a word to anybody. Birdie? Oh, not a word. Marjorie? Not a word. Not a word. Oh, just slip this jacket on for size. Will you, Commissioner? Commissioner. Oh, of course that isn't for publication yet. Oh, this isn't the kind of suit I had in mind. I thought maybe something like a cutaway, something more official. No, I'm sorry, but cutaways are out of government regulation. Nobody wears cutaways anymore anyway, Uncle Moore. The young lady's right. I personally wouldn't be caught dead in one. Well, how about something double-breasted, huh? Dark blue, maybe with a pinstripe. Oh, I'm sorry, but double-breasted's are out, too, the regulations. Oh, well, just run me up a nice loincloth. Oh, wait a minute. There's a nice piece of material. I like that one. Let me try that one off. Uncle Moore, that's yours. That's the one you wore in here. Is it? I always did like this suit. I think I'll stick to it. Goodbye. Goodbye, commissioner. Excuse me, commissioner. Oh, commissioner. Well, I'm getting kind of used to it. Look this way, please. Now a little more the other way. No, now a little more this way. Uncle Moore, you're looking cross-eyed. How can I help it? I'm looking six different ways at once. We must try to be a little patient. Now raise your chin just a teeny bit. Chin? Which one? That's better. Now hold it like that while I fix this light. Hurry up, will you? My nose is itching. There. Now give me a nice big smile. Never mind the smile. Take your picture. Hold it, hold it. Oh, it's a beauty. You'll want a dozen for your friends. Thank you, commissioner. There's something else you ought to have. What? They're on the window. In the window? What would I do with a girdle? Don't answer that. Oh, not that window. This one. See? The briefcase. I don't need a briefcase. Now that you will, you're going to have lots of important papers. Say, I guess that's right, Marjorie. I'd better. Ah, good morning, Mrs. Ransom. Ah, Mr. Killersley, what a small world. Why, only this morning I was trying to call you. Oh, were you indeed? Yes. Oh, hello, Marjorie. Hello. I was planning to invite you to dinner tonight. I'm having fried chicken. Oh, my. I'd love to, Mrs. Ransom. I'd love to, but unfortunately, my time is not my own these days. I'm having candid yams. Oh, brother. No, I'm sorry, Leela. The pressure of official business, you know. Oh. Well, I think I'll just run in here for a minute, Uncle Morton. Will you excuse me, Mrs. Ransom? Sure. I'll be back in a minute. All right. Well, Throckmorton, if you're so frightfully busy, I guess you shouldn't be wasting your time with me. Oh, Leela, you don't understand. There's something I want to tell you, but I can't just yet. Well, you can always confide in me, Throckmorton. Oh, thank you, Leela. It has to do with a matter that's been uppermost in my mind for the last few weeks. Well, I can't imagine what you're talking about, Throckmorton. Well, I can tell you this much. An important decision is going to be made tomorrow that may affect my whole future. I can't imagine what that would be. Well, I'll give you a little hint. Think of water. Water? Uh-huh. Lots and lots of water. Thousands of gallons a minute. Do you begin to understand? Oh, thank God. You and I? Where? No, I... The Great Gilder Sleeve will be with us again in a few seconds. If you're up on your nutrition ABCs, you'll know how important vitamin A and food energy are. Yes, we all need food energy and vitamin A. They're both mighty essential to good nutrition. So you'll be glad to know that an economical source of both these food elements is delicious parquet margarine, the wholesome spread for bread that's made by craft. Yes, parquet margarine is one of the very best energy food you can serve, and throughout the year, every pound of parquet margarine contains 9,000 units of vitamin A, making it one of the most reliable year-round food sources of this important vitamin. Besides in flavor and texture, parquet is entirely different from old-time margarines. You'll agree after one try that parquet is the margarine that tastes so deliciously good. So tomorrow, sure, ask your food dealer for a pound or two of parquet. P-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet margarine, the nourishing economical spread for bread made by craft. Now let's get back to the great Gildersleeve. After a sleepless night and the morning spend at the library reading up on waterworks, he approaches the eve of his expected triumph in a spirit of humble dedication to service. With the special meeting of the town council only an hour off, he's preparing a statement for the indicator of indicator. Please read that back to me, will you, my dear? That last. Oh, when interviewed, Mr. Gildersleeve said, this honor comes to me as a complete surprise. Yes, but I am prepared to say at this time that I propose to give to this community. Yes. What was I going to give it? Oh yes, a clean administration, clean management, and clean... Clean water. Clean water. Have you got that margarine? Yes, go ahead. This is a preliminary survey. I feel that I can say without fear of contradiction that no city, town, village, or hamlet, from Maine to California, can boast a finer, healthier, more nutritious tap water than summer feels. Let's keep it that way. Good. I was about to hurry this down there if we want to catch the paper before it goes to print. I'll take it. I'll go on my bicycle. Give it to me. Oh, wait till I address the envelope. Don't forget to put the photograph in. They're all terrible. Oh, I don't know. I don't think this one is bad. It looks like victory mature with a mustache. Well, perhaps there is a resemblance. I can't help that. Hurry up and pick one, Uncle. I've just about got time to get down there. Oh dear, I can't decide. I think it's between this one and me pounding my fist and the one where I'm pouring a glass of water. Maybe that's better for water commissioner, that little tie up there. Too bad he didn't get you in the bathtub. A towel. Remember, Leroy, see that it gets to the editor. Don't give it to anybody else. Insist on giving it to Mr. Powers. Okay, Uncle. Hello, Gilday. When are you going to get around to taking your screens off? Gosh, I don't know, Judge. I've been pretty busy here lately. I guess I'm going to be a lot busier. Doing what? Well, water commissioner's no part-time job, you know. Water commissioner... Oh, as a matter of fact, Gilday, I wanted to speak to you about that. Huh? I wouldn't say too much about that if I were you. Oh, I'm keeping it quiet. But I wanted you to know, Horace, that I'm grateful to you for what you did. We all are, Judge. Wait a minute now. I didn't do anything. Oh, I know. You'll deny it, you old son of a gun. But somebody put in a good word for me with a town counselor. I wouldn't have got this appointment. Gilday. All I want to say is, Judge, I hope I'll get a chance to do as much for you sometime. It was sweet of you, Judge. It really was. Oh, yes. We've had a lot of scraps together, Horace. When you come right down to it, well, I'd go to bat for you anytime. And I know you would for me. You've proved that. I wish you'd listened to me both of you. Just a minute. I'd like to show you something first. A little statement I got up for the indicator of indicator. You know, a sort of a speech of acceptance. I sent it down there with my photograph. Oh, my goodness. Did you make a carbon copy of that, Marjorie? I'd like to show it to the judge. Oh, I'm sorry. But, Leroy, I took the only copy down there. You haven't sent it to the paper already. Well, of course. I would make tomorrow's edition at the same time as the announcement. You've got to stop him. Why? Yeah, why? I don't know how to say this, Gilday. I blame myself. I really do. But I... I wouldn't count on that appointment too much, old man. Why not? Because you don't stand a chance of getting it. But you said yourself... You told him, John. I know. I know. And I could bite my tongue off for doing it. But I... I never thought you'd take it that seriously, Gilday. You mean the whole thing with nothing but a joke? I'm afraid that's about the size of it, Marjorie. But I can't believe it. You wouldn't deliberately... Gilday, I'm sorry. Oh, that's all right. Well, you'll excuse me. I... I guess I'll... get at those screens. Excuse me. Judge Hooker? Don't say it, Marjorie. You can't do that to my uncle. You're right. You're absolutely right. I'm a mean old man and I hate myself. Believe me, I wouldn't have done this. I wouldn't have had it happen for the world. Well, you're going to do something about it. Have you got your car here? Right outside. We've got to stop Leroy before he gets to the paper with that statement. The whole town will be laughing. All right, come on. Marjorie, just if you say. Gilday leaves me. And go ahead and laugh. Well, now, sit down. Sit down. Take it easy. Oh, I know it all seems very funny to you. Have you read it? Yes, I've read it. Well, I won't try to explain how it happened, Mr. Powers. It was a mistake and I guess it seems pretty silly to you. But my uncle doesn't know very much about newspapers and neither do I. He was just trying to do the right thing. You see, somebody told him he was going to be a pointed water commissioner. Well, I thought nobody wanted it, but Harry Holds Apple. Harry Holds Apple? That's just what's wrong with this town. It's full of Harry Holds Apples. There aren't enough people in it like Uncle Mort. They're all trying to figure out what they can get out of it instead of what they can put into it. Maybe you're right. And I'll tell you this about my uncle. He's a good guy. And he really would make the best water commissioner Somerfield ever had. Because it means a lot to him. And the town doesn't. And he's interested in it. And he studies about it. And he just... Now, wait a minute. And another thing. Do you know he got up a petition all by himself? I know, I know all about that. Hilda sleeves a good man. Of course he is. And I'll tell you something else about him. Now, wait, young lady. You don't want to tell me. You want to tell the town council. Oh, I just wish I could. Well, they're meeting over at town hall right now. But they'd never let me in. Well, they'll let me in. Power of the press. But come on, I'll get my hat. Of the countless errands I've sent you on. And how few of them you managed to complete successfully. Why did you have to deliver the goods this time? I only did what you told me. I know, but you ought to warn me when you're going to do things like that. How can I face these people? How can I face Mrs. Ransom? How can I even face Peavey? What am I going to do? Well, you could always join the foreign region. This is no time for quips and sallies, young man. Well, you asked me. Yeah, but I know what I could do. I could join the army. Are you kidding? Not a bit. Service of my country? The uniform? They couldn't laugh at that. No, I couldn't. Why, George, I'll do it. I look like a million in that uniform in 1917. You look like 10 million now, huh? Good afternoon, sergeant. Lieutenant. Oh, sorry. Is this where you join the army? Well, that depends. Is this for yourself or for a friend? Myself. I want to enlist for immediate duty overseas. Oh, I want to see the world, huh? Why don't you try the navy? Pardon me. I've been recommended to the navy, captain. I'd like to join up. I see. How tall are you, mister? Five feet eight and a half. And your weight? Two-thirty. Gross or net. That's in my shorts. Who recommended you to the navy, mister? The army. Oh, they did, eh? Well, why don't you go tell it to the marines? Just a sergeant, pardon you. I'm thinking of joining the marine corps. I want to see some active service. What gave you that idea? Well, it's a long story. My nephew suggested the army, but the army suggested the navy, and the navy suggested the marines. I see. How about it? Do you think you could consider me? I'm afraid not, but I'll tell you what we will do. What? We'll consider the nephew. Oh! I don't suppose any man ever thinks of himself as old, even when he's 80. But I realize it today for the first time. I'm old. Oh, you're not old, Donk. You've got a lot of good mileage left here. Men like me, Leroy, it's the 18 and 19-year-olds. They've got the courage and the pep and the endurance. It's a young man's war and a young man's world. I ought to turn myself in for scrap. Talk like that, Donk. I know. How would you like to go to the movie? There's a swell billet, the majestic. No, what's playing? Eagle Squadron in the Battle of Midway. You go, Leroy. Fresh or coffee cake you like? Could I give you some? No, not just now. Thank you, Bertie. It's hot right out of the oven. You might leave it, Bertie. Perhaps Leroy would like a piece. No, thanks. Leroy, what's the matter, your uncle? What's the matter with you? Nothing, Bertie. Everything's fine. I don't know what color we're about in this house. They sell no coffee cakes. You know what I think, Miss Gilsley? What? I think you weren't too much. I think it's that waterworks. You ought to give it up. Bertie. Bertie, go bake a cake. I'm gone. I don't know. Things are show different. Leroy, don't say anything to her about it. You know the army. Okay. Uncle Mark. In here, my dear. Excuse me, Mr. Powers. Thank you. Uncle Mark, you know Mr. Powers of the Indicators. Oh, oh, yes. I just came over to congratulate you, Commissioner. Yeah, Commissioner. And to thank you for that little statement you sent us. Oh, that. I don't think Uncle Mark understands. We've just come from the town. Well, are you telling? Yeah, we've just been to the meeting of the town council, and I'm delighted to report that your appointment went through without a single dissenting vote. You mean that I'm...? This is water, Commissioner. It's waterworks. I don't mind telling you, Mr. Powers. This means a lot to me. It means a lot to Summerfield. And I want you to know that the Indicator is back of you 100%. Oh, thank you. Have some coffee cake. Have a glass of water. Well, don't care if I do. If water, Commissioner, Wade will judge Hooker hears about this. The old ghost. He wasn't so far wrong at that. You know, he said I was the obvious man for the job. Oh, you were. Well, you think so, too? Certainly. The only other candidate had just been drafted. Eww. Got a pretty big day. I really think you ought to go to bed now. You're right, my dear. I guess I'll take my book to bed with me. What is that book, anyway, Uncle? The Lives of the Presidents. The Lives of the Presidents? What are you reading that for? I just wanted to confirm an impression. I have a distinct recollection that in 1874, William McKinley was water commissioner of Buffalo. Yeah. Good night, everybody. This has been conducted by Billy Mills. This is Frank Bingman speaking for the Kraft Cheese Company and inviting you to be with us again next week for the further adventures of The Great Gelder's League. What could be more satisfying for the main dish of an odd and meal than that hearty old favorite macaroni and cheese? Yes, tender macaroni drenched in cheese goodness. It's filling, nutritious, and easy to make if you use Pabstet, the delicious golden cheese food of a hundred different uses. You see, Pabstet is just right for cooked cheese dishes because it melts so smoothly and blends right in with other foods. Pabstet is equally useful for sandwiches and snacks because it slices and spreads so easily. And besides being full of luscious cheese goodness, Pabstet helps provide important food values for your meals. Food energy, milk protein, the milk minerals, calcium and phosphorus, vitamin A, Pabstet has them all. You'll find hundreds of ways to use Pabstet for nourishing time-saving meals, so serve it often. Your food dealer has it in the handy round flat package. Just ask for Pabstet, P-A-B-S-T, hyphen E-T-T. Pabstet, the delicious golden cheese food of a hundred uses. This program reached you from Hollywood. This is the National Broadcasting Company.