 Being good at something that you love gives you a lot of confidence. And so when I started doing standup, you know, right in college, I was like 21 or 22, didn't have confidence until I started doing well on stage. And then suddenly everything changed, like my whole life, the way I thought of myself, the way I carried myself, the way I talked to people, the way I talked to girls, they just changed, you know? All came from standup. Being really good at something that I loved and wanted to be good at was awesome. Yeah, so that sort of changed everything for me. And then I started acting as nerds and all of this stuff. And this industry, it really puts you in a box. It really is like, this is what this person does. This is what they play. And after doing that for years, I was like, there's so much work that I don't have access to. I feel like all they want me to do is play this kind of beta mail. And that was 10 years ago, I did that special. And that's how I presented myself. So that's what I'm saying, like as much as it's their fault, it's partially like you were, that's how you kind of thought of yourself. That's how I thought of myself and that's how I thought I could get work and that is how I got work. And standup will be a negative. It's a bit like you get laughs saying it. So then you're like, I guess this is who I am. You know what I mean? Sort of, and that is how I felt. But I had that thing of, that I think someone like Conan has, all his jokes were about how he's beta, but he's not Conan's alpha. Sort of like that. So I really had that drive and motivation and ambition and all this stuff. My jokes on stage were about how I'm terrified of stuff. But in real life, I really was, I wanted to be really good at it. I wanted to be successful. I wanted to crush on stage. If I went on a show, I wanted to be funnier than everybody else. I wanted to bury my friends. That's very fun to acknowledge. Yeah. And that, and I love, I always knew that about you. You did? And I always knew that about you. So I always knew that about you. So I'd go to like this sort of communal meltdown thing. And I was like, no, this is for keeps. Yeah. This is like, there's definitely a competition here. Oh yeah. And it's not, it's not a commune. No, it wasn't for me. It was for some people. It was for a lot of people. And I know that some people didn't like that about me. That at the meltdown, which was such a great room and this communal space that I was sort of like, I want to do, I want to invite all these people to my show. All these really funny people. The funniest people in the country. Every famous, you know, comedian did that show. And on that night, I want to bury them. I want to be funnier than this. That's the spirit of alternative comedy, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah. I totally, I don't, I never think of burying people, but I do think of like, I want to come in first. I want to come in first for sure. I don't, I was always like, no matter how good my set was, if somebody did better than me on that show, I wasn't that happy. Cause it's like, oh, it was possible to do better. Yes. I want to talk about the psychological underpinnings in that though. Okay. Your desire to win, your desire to win. And I don't think that there's anything wrong with it, by the way, like I don't, it's a part of myself that I'm, I like. Meaning like, I'm not ashamed of the, of being competitive. I think it's fucked up when you're not, if you're not rooting for your friends, if you're not, my, my thing is I, the only way I win is if I really prepare. Yeah. It's, it's, to me, it's like motivation for like, you have to prepare. For sure. You have, you can't wing it. I can't wing it. I can't wing it either. I can't, I can wing it here and there, but it, it's not, it's not like, I can't count on that. I mean, the ultimate block, I don't know if it's a block or, it does lead me to being a little bit unsatisfied. I don't want to say I'm happy because I am generally pretty happy. My self-worth, ultimately, is too tied to my career and what I'm doing. My, my, my, my worth as a human being is too based on how I perceive myself as being at my job. I don't have that, like, it don't matter. I'm like, if I, that's what was hard when I would do stand-up all the time. If you have a bad set, you feel bad about yourself until the next, yeah, the bad day fucking sucks, doesn't it? Yeah. It's the same with like acting. You know, if I have a day on set where I don't think I was at my best that like really, really, really makes me feel like shit. I feel like I'm not like a worthy person. Too much of my worth is not inherent. Too much of my worth comes from how I think I'm doing. Totally agreed that I'm in the same boat. We both realized like too much tied up in this and are we fucking ourselves long-term? I think we are. I don't know if you're born with it or it's you learn it. I know I've been like this since I can remember. Like with studies, I was a big nerd. I wasn't, you know, good at sports or cool or... Good title for a special big nerd. Yeah. Hooked out. Then I hooked out. But I really, really cared, big nerd. Yeah, that's the next one. Hey, did you like that? Did you like that? Yeah, did you like it though? You want more? Don't wanna work? Would rather watch videos of me grab acid with people? First of all, go up here to subscribe and then go up here to watch more clips. This is like when the weatherman says there's a high pressure system coming in. I'm not really used to the green screen.