 Lux presents Hollywood to bring you Claudette Colbert and Brian Ahern in Once Upon a Honeymoons with Laird Grigar and Albert Decker. Ladies and gentlemen, your producer, Mr. Cecil B. DeMille. Greetings from Hollywood, ladies and gentlemen. Counting both pictures and radio, I believe I'll start by that for Colbert in more plays than I have any other artist in Hollywood. That proves what I think of her ability. The box office record of her pictures proves what you think. She has that priceless something called glamour. And she brings it to every part she plays, from Cleopatra to the chorus girl in tonight's drama. And we're convinced that we've made a good match tonight in co-starring Claudette with Brian Ahern in the RKO success Once Upon a Honeymoons. Brian's part is made to order for it, the kind of dashing adventurer he plays so well. And to make an all-star cast, we also have Laird Grigar and Albert Decker. The war is certainly putting words into everyday use that weren't there before. There's conservation, for instance. It's always meant something like saving the forests, which is even more important in wartime. But today, conservation means other things, too. We've got to conserve washable fabrics, for example. And that's where Lux Flakes rides to the rescue. I can give you a businessman's viewpoint on that. Because the motion picture studios look on such things strictly from a business angle. They use our product to save money. Personally, I use Lux Flakes to save my socks. Now for the story of what happened once upon a honeymoon. We're in Claudette Colbert as Katie and Brian Ahern as Pat, with Laird Grigar as Baron von Luba and Albert Decker as Leblanc. 1938, Europe is sitting on top of a bombshell, which at any moment will explode into the Second World War. From a newspaper office in New York comes a cable to a foreign correspondent. O2 of European New Service Vienna. Get all available information, possible resignation, Chancellor Schusling. Optip Hitler reported on Austrian frontier. Confirmed. Later. O2 of European New Service Vienna. We are informed American heiress named Catherine Duke Smith about to marry Baron von Luba. Who is von Luba? Who is Catherine Duke Smith? Get interviewed, photographs. Confirmed. In the office of European New Service Vienna, Pat O'Toole is on the telephone. Hello, hello, will you listen? I want to speak to Miss Buttsmith. Hello, is this the fitter? No, no, no, I'm not... Madam is waiting for the new dress. How are you, please? But I'm not a dressmaker. I want to speak to... What do you mean, not please? Hello? Hello, is this the fitter? Where are you? My lady said you were to be here at 11. Oh, hello. Is this Miss Buttsmith? What? Buttsmith. B-U-T-T. This is Miss Buttsmith speaking. Oh. Oh, well, this is the American Embassy, Miss Buttsmith. Oh, yes, the American Embassy, did you say? Yeah. It's about your marriage to an Austrian Baron. You see, Miss Buttsmith, in an international alliance of this nature, there are a great many technicalities to be considered. Oh, really? I had no idea. Are you the ambassador? Oh, no, no. I'm Mr. O'Toole, a foreign marriage department. Oh. Well, for one thing we'd like to know if you've considered the matter of your American citizenship. We'd be very glad to send a man over to discuss it with you. Well, to be very honest, Mr. O'Toole, I'm rightfully busy. You may lose your nationality. My nationality? Well, let me have your number. I'll call you back. Oh, thank you. It's R-6382. I'll call you back. Thank you. How'd you do, Pat? She thought I was a dress smitter. I've been looking up to Smith's and the social register. There's 57 varieties, but I can't find a Buttsmith. What's she going to do now? Call me back. Yeah, you're dead. I've tried every way I know of to interview that dame. Baby, she's tough, and a fiancée is impossible. Hey, you've been here longer than I have. Who is this Von Luber? Don't ask me. I never even heard of him. Have a drink. Thanks. Oh, maybe I'm a sucker. Ed, what do you think? Go back to radio. That's my advice. Oh, I'm not giving up radio. I want to broadcast news. That's all, if I can get it in. You did all right announcing on the peppy prune hour. At least you didn't have to own to the right shopping. Boy, that was quick. Hello? Hello? Is this the American Embassy? Oh, uh, here. I'd like to speak to Mr. O'Toole, please. Uh, what about? It's about my fiancée. This is Baron Von Luber speaking. Oh, how do you do, Baron? I take it, Miss Buttsmith. You are unduly concerned about my future wife's status, Mr. O'Toole. According to United States law, a woman who marries a foreigner retains her American citizenship unless she specifically renounces it. Am I correct? Well, uh, yes, of course. That's quite true. Also, Mr. O'Toole, it is dangerous for newspapers to represent themselves as members of the diplomatic service. Am I correct? Well, I admit it was a little clumsy, Baron. I know how I meant all we want. It was a story. How long does your visa permit you to remain in Austria, Mr. O'Toole? Uh, for some time. Well, I'm sure that you like your stay here to be a pleasant one. Goodbye. What'd I tell you? That guy intrigued me, Ed. Maybe there is a story here. Hey, what does a fitter talk like when he comes to fit? Have a drink. No, I mean it. I go up there, I walk in the door, I'm the fitter. What do I say? Uh, fitter. De fitter. Thanks. Have a drink. Madame. Yes, oh, he's here at last. Madame the fitter. Well, send him in here, sir. Here I am. Here I am, please. Morgan, Canadian apparel? Well, well, who are you? Uh, de fitter. Oh, isn't this annoying. Maurice promised me a Frenchman who understands English. Ah, we, Madame, that is me. That is me. Oh, well, well, start riding, please. Start him, but of course, now let me see. The measurements first, eh? Certainly. Set in more. Now, let me see. Elsa, get some music, please. Yes, ma'am. Uh, the waist 24, and now the hips, uh, 58, shall we say? 58? Uh, for the riding habit. As you fare. Oh, no, no, no riding habit. It's our honeymoon. We're not taking the horses. Oh, my God. Elsa, can't you get something else? That's all I hear all day long. That is the new Austrian premier. Saisinkwad. Saisinkwad? Oh, oh, my future husband likes him. Don't say. Your future husband's a Nazi? Oh, no, dear me, no. No, he hates Hitler. But Saisinkwad's giving away his country without even a plebiscite. Oh, you talk like all the rest. All these little countries over here, what difference does it make? The people are the same. They're all foreigners. Good morning, madame. I hope I'm not too late. I beg your pardon. What do you want? I am the fitter. The fitter? Oh, oh, I sing. I'll be with you in a minute. This row, too. Will you step in the other room with me, please? Uh, yes, madame. Well, now that you know my measurements, what are you going to do with them? Oh, look, I've got to get our story. There's a lot of interest in this marriage, and I'm supposed to get a picture of your husband. And, say, were you ever in show business by any chance? You mean the theater? The theater, yeah. Certainly not. No, I didn't think so, but there's something about you. There was a dancer in a burlesque show in New York. Well, you know, she did one of those one, two, three zip routines. Oh, no, no. Of course, it couldn't have been you. Hardly. No, no, that's all. And yet, Miss Buttsmith. It's Buttsmith. B-U-T-T. Don't see how you can do that. You don't say Connecticut, do you? We couldn't find a single one of those Smiths in the social register, don't you all folks believe in advertising? Mr. O'Toole, maybe I haven't made myself clear. Not only will there be no interview, but... Buttsmith. But for your information, my fiance, the Baron, will sue... Madame. Madame. Elsa, isn't the Baron expected at any moment? No, Madame. He's here. He wishes to see you at once, Madame. Oh, but... Did you tell him I'm with the fitter? Madame, he has already seen the other fitter. I'll be right there. Yes, Madame. Awkward, indeed. I hope you'll be gentlemen enough to keep out of sight. Don't worry, I'll cooperate. Go ahead. Thank you. Catherine? Oh, darling, you're so early. Forgive my haste. We must change all our plans, little pigeon. Hitler is here, in Vienna. At this very moment, Austria is no more than a name in history. Well, what are they going to do? We're going to leave immediately. Fortunately, I was able to get train reservations. Oh, but, darling, I couldn't possibly. What about my clothes? We'll order new ones in Prague. But our wedding... We can be married in Czechoslovakia. Now, please, France, just a minute. I don't know if I approve of this. Just because Austria falls, I mean we're a real... My darling, I understand American respectability. You see? We have separate compartments. Now, hurry, my pigeon. I'll meet you in the lobby. Thirty minutes. Elsa, pack my things. Yes, madame. All right, Mr. O'Toole, you can leave now. Hey, look, there's a demonstration down in the street. Hitler's here. Well, I can't see him now. I'm going to Czechoslovakia. Czechoslovakia? Yes, sir. If you get out of here, let me get dressed. You know, I've been thinking, maybe you haven't given this enough thought. Marriage is a serious thing. I wouldn't want to see a girl like you with your background make a mistake. Well, that's very kind of you, Mr. O'Toole. I appreciate it, but I'm in a hurry. Goodbye. But I still don't see how a lovely creature with your possibilities could marry. Mr. O'Toole, you're a newspaper man, aren't you? Yep. Why? Well, that's what I wanted. It's that simple, Mr. O'Toole. Goodbye. O'Toole, European news service, Vienna. A Bahrain series news broadcast. United broadcasting system, origination, Prague, Czechoslovakia. Go there at once. Your first broadcast, October 1. A month ago, to the tune of a German band, Hitler marched into Austria. And today, the scene was repeated in Czechoslovakia when troops crossed the frontier at 2 p.m. The world is wondering when and where that scene will be re-enacted. This is Pato O'Toole returning you to our studios in New York. Excellent, Mr. O'Toole. Oh, thanks. Nice going, Pat. I suppose they left me on the air. I think so. Hey, here's an item you may like. Your friend, the Baron von Lubber, was shot a couple of hours ago. Von Lubber? Yeah, ten minutes after he got married. He was getting on a train and some guy poked a gun at him. Kill him? No, he got patched up in a hospital. Taking the next train out. For where? Warsaw. Warsaw? Austria? Then Czechoslovakia? Now Poland. Huh? Could be. Can you imagine anything worse than this on a honeymoon? Oh, yes. The bullet could have gone through your heart. Oh, you are worried, Liebkind. Well, if it had been a German who shot you, that's one thing. But a Czech. That poor, confused man. Oh, darling, promise me you won't try to save any more countries. Libya. Do you really feel you must help the Poles? You must not wear your little head over these things, Liebkind. We are on our honeymoon at last. Everything would be... Oh, oh, Franz, your wounds. Yes, my wounds. Oh, I'll let you rest. Good night, darling. Good night. Good night. Oh, Mr. O2. Well, how nice. Oh, what's new, beauty? Baroness, please. I got married this afternoon. You're always correcting me. Say, how's the Baron's injury? That shot almost put you back in circulation, didn't it? You sort of got a knee to the ground, haven't you, Mr. O2? Oh, sure. I'm quite a fellow now. They call me a radio news analyst. Look, I've got a lot to talk up with you. Where are you staying in Warsaw? I said, where are you staying in Warsaw? I heard what you said. Oh, all right, all right. I'll find you. I'm going to break this thing up between you and the Baron for your own good. This is your sweet bag, the finest in Warsaw. Thank you. How's the luggage put down over there? A lot of heels. Oh, France, what a beautiful city. I think I'm going to find it extremely stimulating. Good evening, sir. Good evening. Liebkin, there's one thing I wish you'd do for me. Give a little more attention to the care of my wardrobe. You must remember now you are the mistress of my... Oh, Baroness, France, pardon me for interrupting. I've been meaning to speak to you about this for some time, my precious little pigeon. There's one thing the Baron must insist on from the Baroness, and that is obedience, and purely a matter of discipline. I see. Well, you may insist on my compliance with your wishes, France, but believe me, if my acquiescence isn't voluntary, you're not going to like it. Answer it, Liebkin. Answer the phone. Will you please answer that telephone? Hello? Yeah? Mm-hmm. No, you're welcome. It was for you. Who was it? Oh, I don't know, some general or other. Borovsky, Boretsky... Borovsky? The man I came all the way from Prague to see... Hello? Oh, yes, General. This is Baron von Luba. I'm a see-it-once. Yes. Splendid. Liebkin, I must leave you for a little while. Let's not have any more words. We will take up the discipline at some future date. I'm sure we will. I'll be there soon, Baroness. I've seen Borovsky once. You know your orders? I did look. I did look. You said you had something to discuss with me. Yeah. Would you like a little sniffer first? I beg your pardon? A sniffer. A little drink. Oh, well, I don't usually take anything. Oh, come on. What'll it be? Well, I might just once. Waiter, what's that man over there drinking? Vodka, madame. What looks like water? What is vodka's Polish for water? Oh! Bring us big glasses of vodka, please. Well, I think I'd like a little something in mine. A jigger of cognac and plain vodka. Madame! Say, I never tried that. Bring me the same, will you? The same. Yeah. You know, I stayed up all night on the train thinking about you. Really? Yeah. Now that we're together again. Oh, look, if you're ready enough with your husband, I'll shut up. Oh, please go on, Mr. Otula. I think I could still be curious. Good. I made about five yards on that plate. You know, I started a private little war of my own. Just me and the Baron. A little territorial dispute. Is that what you have to tell me? Yeah, but that was supposed to come later. Now, what's he up to with General Borelski? I never discussed business with my husband. Ah, you should. Vodka and cognac. Say, that took a long time. You better get going on two more. Two more? Well, two more, yeah. Well, Baroness, here's mud in your face. How do you like it? It's rather mild, but very pleasant. Tell me something. How did you know my husband was seeing General Borelski? I didn't. Oh, that was clever of you. Gentlemen, eh? You know what I mean? What do you mean, Mr. Otula? Well, getting you tight. Oh, I'm all right. Let's have another little snort. No, no, no, no. No, you still don't get it. That vodka, that wasn't plain water. That's plain alcohol. It's murder. Well, it's funny. I don't seem to feel it. That's what you think. What's holding you up, anyhow? Maybe it's all those things you've been telling me about my husband. Are you sure you're right about all those things? Right, certainly I'm right. I've been avestigating. Awatergating? Avestigating. I conducted an investigation. Oh. You know what the Baron does? He goes into a country, see, and he tells the head boy there that he's gonna help preserve him from Mr. Schickelgruber. Then he sells some guns. They feel pretty good. Oh, there's a catch in it, see? The guns don't work. By the time the boy finds out, he's knocked off. Like Borelski is gonna get knocked off, see? I see. In brief, Baroness, your husband is what is known as an international termite. Why, he's even funnier than you are, Miss But-Zipsy. Zipsy! Oh, that kills me. Why? Oh, I forgot to tell you. I remembered that girl I told you about. You know, the Berlesqueen. Her name was Kitty too. Just like yours. Kitty O'Hare. One, two, three, Zip. They used to call her Zipsy. You are intoxicated, Mr. O'Toole. Well, you're a little tipsy. They'll see yourself. Ah, Zipsy. That was a great girl. Strictly on the level. No funerals about Zipsy. No, sir. Tell me what she looked like. You. Look, Zip, life's got you over a barrel up to here. Don't let it throw you. No, it won't. You see, I think life is what you make it, Mr. O'Toole. Life can be beautiful. Sunshine and daffodils. Yes, but you've ruled out love, Baroness. And you can't do it, Zip. You're messing up your life, something awful. Sigh no more, ladies. Sigh no more. Men were deceivers ever. One foot and feet and one on shore to one thing counts as never. Who's that? Shakespeare. Oh, poetry, eh? Well, let's see. Don't wait too long building castles in the sky. Don't wait too long while your waiting time may fly. Love songs are best when they're sung in the springtime when everything's young. So don't wait too long or happiness may pass you by. Irving Berlin. General Boralski was assassinated late last night. An arrest is expected momentarily. Hello, who is this? Kiria, this is O'Toole. Oh, it's you. Listen, I'm in a terrible jam. They took my husband, the police. They net him already, eh? Great. Did you know they were going to arrest my husband? Sure, I snitched on him. Oh, look, I'm in a bed. Oh, don't you worry, baby. They're not going to bother you. I've arranged it with a second-hand boy. You did? Sure. I told him how beautiful and innocent you were. Innocent. You know, like that daffodil. Oh, Pat, no. What am I going to do? Don't you do anything. Just sit tight. Tight? Yeah, and I don't mean on vodka. Bring Warsaw. Come in, Warsaw. This is Warsaw. We are experiencing our fifth air raid in 24 hours. There are no reliable figures as yet of the number of civilian casualties, but about a third of the city is a mess of smoking ruins. In this tragic hour, one pact of paramount importance emerges, a fact which the world had better heed before it's too late. Foreign agents, fifth columnists and saboteurs have worked their way like maggots into the country's vital defenses. You people who love England, a new Frenchman whose fathers died for the soil of France, at the Marne in Flanders and at the Battle of Verdun. You have a new enemy now, an enemy in your midst. You are not suspected. You may never even know who he is, but he's there in your towns and villages, in your factories and fields and shipyards, working day and night to destroy you. This is the lesson of Poland. Claudette Colbert, Brian Ahern, Laird Grieger and Albert Decker will be back for act two of Once Upon a Honeymoon in just a moment. The other day there was a note in the paper saying that a typical American housewife wasn't. Well, that started us wondering about the typical luxe girl. What would she be like? Here are a few thoughts on the question. A typical luxe girl? Well, that's me. Luxe flakes were made for girls like me, typists and file clerks and stenographers. We're the ones that have to look fresh and trim and well-broomed every day. And luxe helps us do it within our war bond budgets. We're the ones that need luxe to help our clothes last longer. Luxe stocking runs is simply wonderful. The typical luxe girl is, well, a business girl. Me. Now, wait a minute. I think new improved luxe flakes were made for busy mothers. Now, my baby's just at the creeping stage and what a pile of things I have to wash every day. But I just whisk them through those gentle, rich luxe suds and it's no time at all before they're fresh and sweet. If you ask me, I'm the typical luxe woman. A mother. Oh, wait a minute. What about me? Bill and I were married a few months ago and I'm doing all my own housework. I love it. Even washing dishes. But I'm not so sure I'd feel that way about dishwashing if I didn't have new improved luxe flakes. You see, I want to keep my romance alive and luxe lets me keep my hands soft and smooth the way Bill likes them. I think a bride like me is the typical luxe girl. Well, I guess we've started something we just can't finish. Luxe belongs to too many women to pick out just one typical luxe girl. Business girls, brides, mothers, women everywhere depend on new improved luxe flakes because it helps them in so many ways. It's the mildest gentlest luxe ever made to help in that important wartime job of conservation, of making things last longer. The suds are richer. They're more cleansing too, so they're very thrifty and that helps save money. It's at your dealers now in the same familiar box. New improved luxe. We pause now for station identification. This is the Columbia Broadcasting System. Act two of Once Upon a Honeymoon. Souring Claudette Colbert as Katie and Brianna Hearn as Pat with Laird Krieger as La Baron von Luba and Albert Decker as La Blanc. Key of Warsaw is a smoldering heap of ruins. There are no bombs falling now and people walk like ghosts in the quiet streets dazed and wondering, searching for homes which are no longer there. Through the debris, Pat O'Toole picks his way toward Katie's hotel. Hey, anybody home? Come in. Oh, still here? Well, I'm surprised at you, Baroness. I thought you... Say, you're hurt. What's happened to you? Oh, it's nothing very much. A little burn from a piece of shrapnel. A couple of nights ago, a guy stuck a stretcher in my hand and I've been carrying it ever since. Do you mind if I sit down? Oh, go ahead. Thanks. I live at the Marshal. All I used to when it was standing is quite a walk. Is there anything I can get you? Oh, this is fine. Well, as I said before, I'm surprised. I know, I know. You're wondering why I haven't left. By the time I got everything straightened out, they weren't evacuating anybody. What took you so long? Well, I had all my jewels in the box downstairs. I don't know why the hotel wouldn't let me have them. They were my jewels and they knew perfectly well the Baron was in jail. What are you going to do about it? Oh, I finally got them. I see. Are you quite certain there's nothing I can do for you? Well, I could eat a sandwich or something. I take it there's no question about the Baron's credit. No. Well, in that case, I'll have a porterhouse steak. I'll order it. Meanwhile, I'll have a short nap. That's the Baron's room. Over there. Thanks. Don't let anybody disturb you and see what you can do about that phone. Hello? Yes? Oh, yes. Oh, look, you've been saying that for days. Other people are leaving. Well, I haven't been a Baron this very long. I'm really an American. Yes, I have my American passport. Oh, you think so? Oh, well, thank you very much. Yes, I'll be right down. Thank you. Anna! Anna, my hat and coat! Anna! Oh, for heaven's sake. Anna, what are you doing in my closet? Oh, my God. Oh, aren't you ashamed of yourself, trying to take one of my nicest dresses as if I didn't have enough to worry about? No, madame. I... Hush, darlings, don't cry. What are those children doing here? They are mine, madame. They came to the hotel to find me. They heard the Germans on it four miles away. But they're trembling. Hey, don't be frightened. Do you have your mother? What's the matter with them? They... They are Jewish. They're remembered twice in Germany. Oh. Anyways. Well, maybe I can help you. There's a bus downstairs. They're taking people to a train somewhere. Well, but the border we could never cross. You see here it says Jew on my passport. Anna Bechstein. You see, madame. Yeah. Wait a minute. Say, if you had another passport, I mean, if we cut your picture out of this one and put it in another passport, you might be able to get through. But where could I find another passport, madame? I have one. Yours, madame? Here, get me the scissors. Your name will be Catherine Butte-Smith, an American. Oh, madame. You'll at least get into Latvia. From there on, you'll have to do the best you can. God bless you. God bless you, madame. Hiya, Pat. Hello, Ed. This is the Baroness von Luba. Mind if we stay here awhile and make yourself at home? You're as safe here as anywhere. Thank you. I suppose you know they let the Baron out of the jug. Yes. I'm not going back to him. Congratulations. She's finally wised up. Well, what do you think we ought to do, Ed? If I could just get on a plane or something. No planes, nothing. I can't stay here. He'll find me. He'll have the whole Gestapo looking. Why don't we say she's been killed? We could get her name on the casualties list. Everything's a mess here. The Baron won't be able to check up for weeks. Could do. But we ought to have something to prove she's dead, a piece of jewelry or something. Jewelry? Oh, look, is it have to be jewelry? This bracelet's real diamonds. Here, you can have my handkerchief. It's got my initial diamonds. Zip, say it. Take off that bracelet. Oh, all right. Here, take it. You all right. I'll get this in the casualty racket. Go on. I'm terribly grateful, Mr. O'Toole. Oh, forget it. You've been doing swell yourself. Doing swell yourself. All I want to do is get out of here. I want to go home. This isn't my war. Sure, sure. We'll manage. How about Paris first? That might be safe. Paris? It sounds like heaven. Well, just since they can't touch you, the Baroness is dead. You're Catherine, but Smith and American with a passport. With a... Oh, yeah. But... What? Look, O'Toole. What? Nothing. You know, Baroness, when I was trying to doze up there in your apartment, I had a beautiful dream. You did? Yep. I dreamt about a very frightened, selfish girl who ran into someone worse off than she was. And what do you think she did? I don't know. She forgot all about her own troubles and helped the other woman. And then, gee, it made me feel good all over. The way you feel when you find out you've misjudged someone. We must have had a pretty low opinion of her. No. Because I understood her. You see, this girl had worked very hard to get where she was, from burlesque to the social register. She taught herself a lot of long words. But underneath it all, there was another girl worth a thousand of them. All right, all right. Look, her name was O'Hara. Does that satisfy you? O'Hara? Well, it is. I wonder what made her change, huh? She didn't want to. She wanted all that social register stuff and everything that goes with it. And then, she met O'Toole. And when an O'Hara meets an O'Toole, uh-oh. Katie, you're wonderful. So now all we have to do is get O'Hara across the border. Ah, come on. When an O'Hara meets an O'Toole, there's no such thing as a border. I'm pulling into Latvia. Nazis in Norway. British trap the dunker. Mr. O'Toole, I am in Paris. Cable instructions. French roads blocked. Paris crowds me Nazis. Hey, O'Hara. Pat, where have you been? The American Embassy. Come on, come on. You've got to have your picture taken. You mean I'm getting a passport? Sure. I told the ambassador you wanted to get out of Paris so that you could divorce the baron. And he's all in favor of it. Yes, the photographer's name is La Blanc. See, now get over there right away. Right away. Madam is ready to have taken the passport photo. All set. Sit right here, madam. Now, see face this way, please. Ah, you're in Paris a long time. No, I just got here. I'm supposed to be on a honeymoon. This is not a very good time for the honeymoon. Well, you have to be a little tough to take it. I got bombed in nine cities and all along the road to Paris. Oh, c'est très drôle. The more I think about it, the matter I get. Hold, please. Ah, bon. Okay. Thank you, Miss O'Hara. What? Say, what is this? You're no Frenchman. No, I come from the States. My country is your country. I'm what you call an operator. You mean a spy? I prefer to say that... La Blanc. Quiet. Stay right here. Now, don't move out of this room. La Blanc. Oui, au moment. Who's out there? Who is it? I'll be right back. Ah, Monsieur. Who's it, sir? Yes, come in here. We're coming to build up Poland. How does he hear? Good, good. I'll be right back. I'll be right back. I'm sorry, now. Where were we? Yes, Miss O'Hara. Oh, yes. What was that you gave those men? Some film. It had a message on it in Nazi code. So, Miss O'Hara, you are the wife of Baron Von Lube, eh? Yeah. How did you know that? I also know that he was a trusted friend of General Borelski, who was assassinated the night before the Nazi invaded Poland. Remember? Yeah, I remember. A good friend might have saved the general. Or maybe the friend didn't want to. Look, if you think I know anything about this, you're crazy. You knew your husband was working for Hitler. Maybe I did. And so were you. What about those men? They were Heines. Right? They're members of the Gestapo. Well, what does that make you, brother? You're pretty pally with them, giving out with that spy stuff. I have to keep in their confidence. You do, huh? Yes, but I'm afraid I'm losing yours. You're darn tootin'. And perhaps I'd better tell you something about myself. Yeah. And you'd better start way back when you were a little boy, too. I will. I was born in Germany. When I was a little boy, we moved to America and became American citizens. When I got to be a big boy, my father sent me to Europe to be educated. So now I'm a spy for Uncle Sam, passing as a Frenchman in the employ of the Gestapo. Wait a minute. You said you went to America when you were a little boy. Mm-hmm. Where did you live, huh? I wasn't born in old Kentucky, but I was raised in Tennessee. And if you don't like my peaches, don't you all shake my tree? And then came the flood, huh? That's right. Then we moved to Texas, right across the border, from Old May. Well, I was never down that far. Where were you born? Parkside Avenue, Brooklyn. Oh. Right near the ballpark. Yeah. Them lovely buns. It's a grand country, America. Oh, you're telling me. You'll be there before I will, and I may never get back. Now look, what goes on? What do you want from me? I thought perhaps you might want to do something to help your country. We go on taking and taking from her. But very few of us give anything back. Isn't that true? We stand up for the star-spangled banner and pay our income tax. But that's about all. Well, maybe. What else is there to do? We're not at war. You have a husband, Miss O'Hara, that your country would like to be on guard against. We'd like to know what his plans are for us. You mean you think I could find out? You don't look like a schemer exactly, but I think you could get what we want. I could only. Only what? Well, for one thing, I'm not living with the Baron anymore. I left him. And since I left him, I... Well, I've met someone else. He's terribly important. To me, I mean. You see, Miss O'Hara, we're all patriotic until it comes to a personal sacrifice. Oh, listen, if you're going to put it that way, but what's to use? I couldn't even tell you where the Baron is. He may be in Africa for all I know. No, he's right here in Tarris. What? At the Hotel Creon. At the Cre... Oh, boy, have I let myself in for something. I'll tell you a secret. With all my years of training, I can't be as useful to America as you can at this moment. Well, as a spy, you make a great salesman. That's all I can say. What am I supposed to do? Go back to your husband at the Hotel Creon. Learn whatever you can. I'll keep in touch with you. Yeah, but... Oh, but look, I can't. Hey, O'Hara, are you finished? Oh, Pat, in here. Don't say anything to him. Are you? Italy's declared war on France. Roosevelt says the hand that held the dagger has struck it into the back of its neighbor. Your country would be next, Monsieur. Pat, pay the man for the pictures. 20 francs, Monsieur. Oh, all right. Here you are. Merci bien. They'll be ready in the morning. Vive la France. Vive la liberté. O'Hara, I got a surprise for you. Hey, O'Hara, snap out of it. Oh, I'm sorry. I got a surprise for you. Tomorrow we leave for Bordeaux. You mean we're sailing? Uh-huh. You happy? Happy. Oh, it makes me want to cry just thinking about it. Have you ever come home from Europe before? No. You'll cry all right. Wait till you see the Statue of Liberty outside your porthole, and the Staten Island ferry, and the Empire State Building. I know I'll make a fool of myself. Of course you will. Pat, don't you think we ought to celebrate a little? Now you're talking, O'Hara. Where would you like to go? I don't care. I don't care about anything in the whole world tonight, but just being with you. There's Paris for you. It's beautiful. And there's the Sacré-Cœur. You can see it for 50 miles. Champagne, monsieur. How are we? Listen. The German guns, madam. They are close on every hour. Guns? Now, for a few minutes, I'd forgotten there was a war. So would I. Oh, darling, you're sweet. You're terribly sweet. Oh, I'm a contented man, that's all. Oh, too will have you always been bashful. Maybe? I don't know. You see, I never told a girl I was in love with her before. Why? Because, uh, well, I guess I never was. Are you going to tell her now? What? Oh, try it, Mr. O. It isn't hard. I love you, O'Hara. Why did you find it out? Oh, I don't know. You see, when we were more or less thrown together, I thought, well, it's just one of those things, ships that pass. I know. It's usually that way. But this time, everything's different. It doesn't wear off. You make me want to do things and be somebody. I've even been thinking about writing a book. Now, you know, that's just downright idiot. No, I don't. Go on. Well, I'm sold on one thing. We've got to get home and do something for our country. Don't you feel patriotic tonight? Well, don't you? Yes. Oh, darling, let's not be serious. Tonight's ours. Let's make it ours, no matter what happens. All right, come on. Let's get out of here. What? Keep on the move. We'll give Paris its last coat of red. How about the Hotel Crayon? No, no, no. What's the matter? I just... Let's just stay here, Pat. Please, darling. Sure. Sure. What do you mean she went out? She went to call the American Embassy. She made a telephone call, Mr. Yes, and then she left the restaurant. I myself saw her get into a taxi cab. I don't know yet where you wish to go. Just keep driving. We have been driving two hours, ma'am. Well, just go on a little while longer than take me to the Hotel Crayon. Laird Pregar and Albert Decker in Once Upon a Honeymoon. Now, there's an old saying about this month. Remember, April showers bring May flowers. But before you can have flowers, you must have seeds. And here's a way you can get your flower seeds at a wonderful bargain. You can get six large packets of flower seeds from one of America's best-known seed companies for just 10 cents, and either an opening tab from a box of luxe flakes or a luxe toilet soap wrapper. Of course you're planting vegetables in your victory garden, but you'll probably be spending more time at home, and you'll appreciate more than ever the beauty of fresh-cut flowers, the joy of having a pleasant garden spot to show your friends. These six flower garden favorites can give you a whole garden of bloom from early summer to frost. There's large flowered cosmos, giant African marigolds, low-growing candy tuft in shades of pink and lilac and white, beautiful long-stemmed churly poppies, single and double ones, too. Prize-winning zinnias in their full range of brilliant colors, and last but not least, heavenly blue morning glories to climb over your trellis or sun porch. Morning glories are grand for window boxes, too. The candy tuft and marigolds will thrive in boxes or pots in any sunny window. Another thing, some lux flower seeds have been tranted with plant hormones for bigger, earlier blossoms. On the back of each packet are suggestions for planning arrangements and directions for care. Here's what you do to get this flower bargain. Six packets of seeds. Take the opening tab from any size box of lux flakes, or the wrapper from one cake of lux toilet soap. Nail it with 10 cents in coin, no stamps, please, to Lux Flower Garden, Box One, New York City. Be sure to enclose your own name and address, of course. Your dealer has a handy order blank that you can use, and please allow at least two to three weeks for the seeds to reach you. Remember, for each set of six seed packets you order, send 10 cents in coin and either an opening tab from Lux, or a lux toilet soap wrapper, to Lux Flower Garden, Box One, New York City. No stamps, please. This offer expires May 31st, and is good only in the United States. Now, our producer, Mr. DeMille. After the play, we'll ask our stars to step out of character for a little personal talk. Now the third act of Once Upon a Honeymoon, starring Claudette Colbert and Brian Ahern, with Laird Krieger and Albert Decker. Paris has fallen. The Nazis are entering the city now. We don't know how long we'll be here. Paris has fallen. At the American Embassy, Pat tries vainly to find a trace of Katie, missing since the night before. Something's happened to her. Don't you understand? People don't just disappear. Mr. O'Toole, will you please listen to reason? The Germans are in Paris. Everywhere you look, the world is crumbling, and all you want to know is where your girl is. You're darn right I do. Well, I'm sorry at the moment. We can't help you. Yes, and her? Yes, we sure. Oh, hello, Baron. Remember me? Name's O'Toole. O'Toole? Yeah, we had a little telephone conversation in Vienna about your fiance's citizenship. Oh, yes, your newspaper man. Well, I was until you guys came along and put me out of business. They won't let me broadcast anymore. Is that so? Or perhaps we can remedy that. I have a little influence now on radio. I'm sorry. Perhaps we can remedy that. I have a little influence now on radio. Uh, sit down. Let's talk about it. You mean you can fix it so that I can broadcast to America? Yes. You'll be known as the voice of Europe. You'll be famous. It might even help you to get your girl back. Why? Because she's very fond of you, Mr. O'Toole. And if I wish to, I could let her go, even though I distrust her. I don't get this. You know where she is? Yes. She doesn't know it yet, but she... Well, you might say she's my prisoner. I see. Where is she? Mr. O'Toole. Now, remember, she's an American citizen. All I have to do is to report this to the American Embassy. And all I have to do is to explain that Captain Butte Smith was killed in Warsaw during an air raid. I record to prove it as well as identification. Oh, no. The wiser course would be to follow my suggestion. On this card is the address of my broadcasting studio. I shall look forward to seeing you. Baron, you're going to... Your first broadcast will be very important, Mr. O'Toole. I'm sure I needn't impress if I knew the importance of painting the scene here in, shall we say, the brightest colors. Oh, I'll make Hitler a saint if you let the Baroness go. No, we shall see, Mr. O'Toole. Hello. Hello, Leblanc. This is the Baroness. I have some more information for you. Write this down. 208 West 173rd Street, New York City. He's been writing to that address. Apartment 90. What's wrong, Charlie? What a fool I've been leaping. I should have locked you up at once. Lock me up? What are you talking about? You will know soon enough my little pigeon. Oh, what is it? I can't understand it. You were so sweet to me when I came back. Yes, it wasn't I, but it seems I talked too much. In a weak moment, I thought I might win you over. But I agreed with everything you say. That's the trouble. No leaping. Our little honeymoon has come to an end. I have great responsibilities now. I cannot afford unnecessary risks. I see. But what do you intend to do? I'm not sure. Right now, I intend to listen to a speech on the radio. Rudolf! Yes, Baroness. Is it time for Mr. O'Toole's speech? One more minute, Baroness. O'Toole, what is this? Call the rest of the men in, Rudolf. It's a tight fit. I had your skin on, Helen. You mean O'Toole was going to broadcast? In very fluttering terms, my pigeon. You're lying. He wouldn't. It is the selling price of your freedom. If I decide to let you have it. Be seated, gentlemen. Sit down, Leighton. Hello, America. This is Thad O'Toole broadcasting from Paris. Today, the French capital plays host to the Conqueror, to Adolf Hitler. And let me say here that Hitler, in spite of reports to the Conqueror, Hitler has nothing but admiration for America. Ah, splendid. In fact, I might even say that towards the nations of the new world, Hitler's admiration knows no bounds. Excellent. Now, we have heard that Hitler wants our steel to make gun. That is a misjudgment. Hitler wants steel for peace. To build bridges. To make toys for children. Tell this to America. Tell it to your children. And tell it to the Marines. Ah, you see, my little pigeon. Yes, I'm beginning to. I'm sure you are human the Nazis are. I would describe one man to you. He happens to be a very important man. His name is the Baron von Luber. Thank you. His friend is cute, subtle and resourceful. He doesn't even fear the fear. What's that, Baron? What was that about fearing the fear? I don't like it. He's being truth flattering. That wasn't in his speech when I read it. This is not Baron. It was only a joke. An American joke. The Baron von Luber has been referred to as Nazi number five. But before he's finished and marked my words, the Baron will be Nazi number one and Hitler will be number two. No. No, he's going to fire. He shouldn't have said that. Get him off. Get him off. Baron, what shall I do for the station? Take him off the air. This is horrible. Oh, the furan must be proud of you, Franz. He ought to do something wonderful for you after this. Did I say for you or to you? Be quiet. Excuse me. I'm looking for Baron von Luber. I am Baron von Luber. What do you want? I'm from the American Council. I'm delivering your wife's passport. My passport? Yes. Mr. O'Toole told me to deliver it to you and see you to the book. When you plan on leaving. Oh, right now, Mr. With you. Good evening, sir. The first of wishes to see you, Mr. O'Toole. Oh, thank you. Excuse me, darling. I'll go once around the deck and I'll meet you here. All right. Which way, sir? Right over here, sir. Don't tell me. I didn't know you were a born. I'm sure you didn't. My picture. I thought the Führer had purged you by now. No. I'm back in his good races. I explained that you and Mr. O'Toole were desperately in love. And he recalled that all was fair in love, too. So now you're headed for the United States. Well, you're headed for trouble. Now, now, Katrina, there'll be no trouble. I'm on a goodwill mission. Our countries are peace. Mm-hmm. You've goodwill seven or eight peace-loving nations right out of existence up to here. And now you're headed for my country where you've got trouble with me. I'll pin your ears back. Katrina, you've lost your polish. And now you're not very bright. I don't have any trouble understanding you. And the day you set foot on our shores, I go to work on you. Who will listen to you? Of course. Oh, there'll be plenty who'll listen to me. First of all, a judge, the jury, and the press when I sue you for divorce and mention, among other things, that you're a traitor, a saboteur, and a murderer. That ought to introduce you to America. Katrina, you're still a foolish, impulsive child. The masses don't want to think. They want the thinking done for them. And why not a few great minds do that thinking? It's coming to that, and very soon. You were speaking of a divorce. I got the divorce, and here's your copy. The Fuhrer signed it. Someday his signature will make that very valuable. Couldn't be more valuable than it is now. Good night, you heels. Wait. We were talking about individual thinking, Katrina. Let go of me. Listen, my sweet. Get away from me. In the past, you have caused me considerable trouble, and I should hate to have it continued, especially in America. How are you going to stop me? Once I get there, I'll fill the story so fast. My dear, you are not going to get there. Let go of me. Let go of you. Katrina, my little paper. Hiya, Katie. Why, you're shaking. I can hear your teeth chattering. Will you buy me a drink? No, no. Don't talk for a while. Breathe deeply. Oh, what speed are we making? About 25 knots. Why? Here, look at me. What is it? My divorce paper. Divorced? You're a free woman? Uh-huh. Who gave you this? The Baron? Uh-huh. So he's a boy, eh? Oh, well, meeting him must have been a shock. But don't you worry, dear. As soon as we land, we can be married. Dad, before you talk about marriage, there's something I want to tell you. I killed a man once. When? About five minutes ago. Somebody we know? It was the Baron. Where is he now? I don't know. If the boat goes 25 knots an hour, how far back would he be if he went overboard five minutes ago? Maybe you better make it six minutes. Overboard? Uh-huh. There, eh? Well, what do you know? He tried to kill me, Pat. Yeah? We were standing by the rails. He grabbed my arms and we started to wrestle. And you won. But how? Well, I'm pretty good at it. I've had practice. Oh, yeah? Yeah, there was a manager in Cincinnati. Uh-oh. Yeah. The Luger was out to get America. He told me plenty. The new order intends to rule the world. He tried to kill me because I told him I was going to get him. And it was self-defense. Well, it was either him or me. And in my mind, it suddenly dwindled down to me. Do you think we should tell the captain? You think we should? Well, I don't. Oh, yes. Well, seems a shame to upset him. Still, I guess he'd like to know there's a man overboard. Come on. Sit down, Mr. O'Toole, Miss O'Hara. Did you get an answer, Captain? Yes. I wireless the facts to the American authorities and pattern. I have their reply here. Well, what goes? What do they say? Greatly distressed to hear Baron von Luber committed suicide on your boat. We'll be back in a moment. Meantime, I... Oh, lady, don't do that. Why? What's the matter? Don't throw that fat away. Oh, but I cooked fish in it and strained it and reused it several times. I can't use it anymore. That's exactly the kind of waste kitchen fat our government wants so badly for the glycerin in it. Well, there's such a little bit only about a tablespoonful. If you save even a tablespoonful of fat a day, it adds up to a pound a month. Enough to make nearly a pound and a half of smokeless powder. Well, I'm sorry. I didn't realize the little bit I can spare these days is important. It's important that every one of us saves every tablespoonful. Did you know that the Army and Navy have been saving two pounds of waste kitchen fats every month for each man in service? Well, no, I didn't know that. I guess the least we civilians can do is save every bit we have. What's the best way to do it? Strain the fat into a clean can, any kind of fruit or vegetable or soup can. The cans are salvaged as well as the fat. Don't use glass or paper containers because they break or leak. When the can is full, take it to your meat dealer. He'll pay you cash for each pound of fat. Turn in your fats promptly so they can get into action. Within 21 days of the time you turn them in, they're being made into gunpowder or other vital war necessities. Remember, Uncle Sam wants only what you would otherwise throw away. Only waste fats, which you can no longer use. Save every bit, every day. Now, here's Mr. DeMille with our stars. Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to preview a scene from next week's play before our stars join us again. According to my stopwatch, it takes just 25 seconds. Jeff, you fool, do you realize what you've done? Certainly. You've told six people that one of them was the murderer. You even pretended to know which one it was. Don't you know what he'll do now? Sure. As soon as he thinks we're asleep, the murderer will sneak down here and try to knock me off too. Then we'll find out who he is. No, I won't let you do it. You're getting out of here and right now. Darling, you don't want a husband who's a coward, do you? I'm not particular. I just want a husband. That's a sample of what we have for you next Monday night. We'll tell you the name of the play in a moment. But now, Claudette Colbert, Brianna Hearn, Laird Krieger, and Albert Decker are returning to the footlights for a curtain call. It's grand being back with you again, CB. How many pictures have you two made together, anyway? Three. And I wish it were more, Brian. Isn't that a kind of a habit? Well, Claudette and I even went to Hawaii to make one, Laird. And scared the life out of a few people doing it. Did you ever hear about CB's jungle miracle, Brian? It sounds like a yarn. CB's spinning. I think Claudette means a huge idol we built in the jungle on Hawaii. It happened to be near a hospital for mental patients and caused quite a little confusion. That's not hard to understand. You see, some of the patients went out for a walk and discovered this demil creation right in the middle of a lonely trail. Back at the hospital, a guard asked them if they'd seen anything unusual. Not wanting to admit delusions, they said no. The guard said, are you sure you didn't see an idol about 60 feet high? They still denied it. Smart boys. Well, that night, CB got word the steamer was coming the next day to pick us up, so he had the idol taken down. There wasn't a board or a nail left. What's those paramount coppers? Now, the next day, the guard took the patients down the trail to show them that there really was an idol. You can imagine his surprise when he found no idol there. The patients looked at one another, then they all looked at the guard and one said, who's crazy now? Very fair question, I think. Now, CB, what about next Monday's play? Well, the scene we heard a little while ago was from the Columbia picture hit, A Night to Remember. And our stars will be Anne Southern and Robert Young. A Night to Remember is a delightful comedy mystery that deserves two delightful stars like Robert Young and Anne Southern. That sounds wonderful, CB. Good night. Good night. Good night. Stars like you are the best sponsors, the makers of Lux Flakes. Join me in inviting you to be with us again next Monday night when the Lux Radio Theatre presents Anne Southern and Robert Young in A Night to Remember. It's essential to be the male saying good night to you, John Hollywood. Broadhead Colbert will soon be seen in the Paramount picture so proudly we hail. Brian Hernd's next picture is the Columbia production, Attack by Night. Laird Grigar will soon be seen in the Ernst Lubitsch Technicolor production, Heaven Can Wait. Heard in tonight's play were Charles Seal, D. Benedaret, Fred Mackay, Regina Wallace, Leo Cleary, Dennis Green, Norman Field, Stanley Farrar, Griff Farnett, Cliff Clark, Art Gilmore, Ken Christie, and Barbara Jean Wong. Our music was directed by Louis Silvers, and this is your announcer, John M. Kennedy, reminding you to tune in next Monday night to hear Robert Young and Anne Southern in A Night to Remember. Why should food rationing and shortages worry me? I know how to get vitamins and minerals for my family. I just buy VIMS and add them to my ration meals. It's a great idea, for VIMS give you all the essential vitamins and all minerals commonly lacking. They're pleasant to take, too. Children love them. Ask for VIMS at your drugstore. VI for vitamins, double MS for minerals. VIMS. This is the Columbia Broadcasting System.